“It’s important to be heroic, ambitious, productive, efficient, creative, and progressive, but these qualities don’t necessarily nurture the soul. The soul has different concerns of equal value: downtime for reflection, conversation, and reverie; beauty that is captivating and pleasuring; relateness to the environs and to people; and any animal’s rhythm of rest and activity.”

~ Thomas Moore (1772-1852)

How did he know about our hustle and bustle – our sometimes unconscious attempts at following in Linda Carter’s footsteps?  Can you say Wonder Woman?  How did he know we needed downtime?

What would happen if we took the time to pause and reflect?  Would we stand out?  Would the world stop and take notice? Would our souls benefit?

Here’s a fun little video:

Where in your life do you need to take the time to be still?  Where do you need to say no to the hustle and bustle of your own “grand central station”?

I dare you to really ponder this question with me.

Needing some time to be still,
Cindy

I’m now wondering what the Latin phrase for “Collaborator Beware” is?  I’m here to tell you about Business Lesson #9.  She showed up at just the right time.  I had been trying to start this certain venture unsuccessfully for a couple of years.  I had worked hard to cultivate relationships and network within our community.  I loved Business Lesson #9’s enthusiasm.  The idea seemed harmless – a temporary collaboration that would bolster both of our businesses with an easy out included – just in case it wasn’t a good fit.  What did I have to lose?  Well, as it turns out quite a bit.

She broke all of HER nice, tidy rules of engagement that she intentionally shared at the beginning of our working collaboration.  She tiptoed behind my back.  She didn’t show up when she said she would.  She’d say one thing and do another – all in the name of enthusiasm.  Every thing she did, calculated or not, whispered loud and clear “I’m not a team player, I’m out for myself, I’m here to take all.”

I sought wise counsel.  I shared that each and every “little” violation, in and of itself, was what I’d call a “no harm, no foul” event but all of these small infractions sprinkled with a big smile and sealed with a hug surmounted to a hostile takeover.

I called Business Lesson #9’s behavior out into the open.  I chose benefit of the doubt as my confronter – maybe she really was unaware of how a team operated.   It worked for a moment.  She acknowledged her lack of integrity and THEN politely continued in her transgressions.  She swindled my content and shared it as her own – one time she actually tried to sell it unbeknownst to me.  She sidled up alongside the clients I had brought to the collaboration – a wolf in sheep’s clothing.   She erased me from the agenda – “Oops, I don’t know what I was thinking.”  I DO.  That was the proverbial last straw.  Done.  Over.

All the resources I had brought to the table – heisted!  I was screaming get out, get out now.  The question at hand now was “How can I extricate myself from this predicament without damaging my brand and my business reputation?”  The troops came to my rescue – business saavy friend, Susan; triumphant protector of Cindy and valued stakeholder in Less Drama, Brad; and Coach Lisa who always lends a welcomed perspective – they all shared their 2 cents.  I wanted to lambaste Business Lesson #9 – I wanted to repay her for the lessons she had “kindly” taught me.  Lisa asked, “Do you want a loose cannon like Business Lesson #9 out in the community on the defensive and mad at you?”  The troops wisdom was invaluable.  I had a way out that kept my brand and reputation intact.  I carefully thanked her for the collaboration (remember the easy way out clause) and told her I needed to spend some time focusing primarily on Less Drama (I love the intended pun).  Hasta la vista Business Lesson #9.

What I learned from Business Lesson #9:

I won’t collaborate with another until they have proven their character to me.

I won’t collaborate with another until I fully understand what I bring to the table.

Before collaborating, I will ask myself what do I have to gain?  What do I have to lose?

I bring a wealth of resources to the table.

I’m a team player.

I share well with others.

I connect well with others.

I can sense toxicity.

I’m assertive.

I have the resources to protect myself and my business.

Always Learning,

Cindy

I know it’s wisdom because I wore this hoodie every Monday night when I was the director at Oak Street House.  I got down and dirty on Mondays.  It was the night of the week when we were all about living life together – the good, the bad and the ugly.  I got down on the floor and played with the kids – oh the memories of laughing, singing, crying for mama, and taking rides on the “silly train”.  Monday night was “mandatory”!  We all ate dinner together as a family.  We took turns cooking.  We invited friends.  And THEN there was house meeting – oh my!  House meeting was where we “duked it out” – I mean figured out this thing we call community and how to live together in something that was supposed to resemble harmony.  Envision yourself living together in a beautiful Victorian with nine of your dearest girlfriends and all of your children are under the age of five – can you say difficult, if not impossible?  House meeting was our weekly intensive, crash course in boundaries – the DO’s and DON’Ts of healthy boundaries.

Oak Street House is where I learned all about the power of emotional boundaries. It’s where I grew healthier.  I used to chuckle with my clinical supervisor when I was in the throes of self-discovery.  I’d say everyone should have to work with the homeless and those in recovery – it’s like holding up a mirror to see all of the icky stuff that lives within the walls of your own true self.  Needless to say, with perseverance, patience and love we all grew healthier, that is, all of us who were willing to put forth the effort.

I’m wearing my blue hoodie right now.   It’s going to help me write my messiest contemplations to date.  You see, I’ve been a bit stuck.  The five foundations of this forthcoming book are growth, communication, the power of girlfriends, making life matter and boundaries.  Boundaries *sigh*.  Really, I tried not to save the hardest for last ~ these last contemplations have become the vegetables on the plate of a 3-year-old. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve sat down to “contemplate” the matter of boundaries since starting to write this book a year and a half ago. Once stuck, I put off the writing until later. The “later” train has now pulled into the station.  You’d think it would be easy for me.  I’ve learned so much and I’ve facilitated a number of workshops and retreats on the subject.  Yet, it’s not easy to put the un-pretty stuff of life down on paper – especially when it’s not a black and white subject matter.

I’ve had a number of brainstorming sessions with Brad and Lisa, my coach, to help me get unstuck in this part of the writing.  Brad and I came up with the list of boundary titles to contemplate.  Last week, Lisa suggested starting off with a confession of why it’s so difficult to write about this subject.  This week’s brainstorm was my blue hoodie.  I’m finally writing.  Yay!

Interestingly enough, I wonder if there’s a parallel process going on here?  I wonder if that’s what we all do when it comes time to put forth the effort to grow in an especially difficult place within ourselves?  Did someone say healthy boundaries?  Do we get stuck?  Do we keep putting off the process until later?  Until later arrives and it’s NOW necessary.  Hmmm…I wonder?

Words and phrases that come to mind when I think about boundaries ~ necessary, complicated, nuances, freedom, seemingly moving targets, protection, energy-draining, hard work, self awareness, discovery, growth, and my favorite – MESSY.

Just look at what dictionary.com has to say about the word MESSY:
Part of Speech:  adjective
Definition: cluttered, dirty
Synonyms: blotchy, careless, chaotic, confused, dishelved, disordered, disorganized, grimy, grubby, littered, muddled, rumpled, raunchy, slapdash, slipshod, sloppy, slovenly, unfastidious, unkempt, untidy
Antonyms: clean, ordered, organized, uncluttered

I confess I’m not the expert on boundaries but I’ve learned a whole bunch in my study and practice of healthy boundaries.  I’ve seen firsthand the power of boundaries defined.  I’ve learned that healthy boundaries are a journey not a destination.  I know they can help us live a life filled with Less Drama.  Boundaries protect us.  They help us know where we begin and where we end.  They help us keep the good in and let the bad out.  They help us know what is our responsibility and what isn’t. They help us live in community together.  Boundaries help us keep in relationship with the safe people and say goodbye to the toxic people in our lives.  Boundaries help us know when to say yes and when to say no.  So, over the next couple of weeks I will be sharing some of my contemplations and insights.  Note to self, you have now just “told the world” – there’s the accountability you’ve been needing.

If these contemplations in the coming weeks spark in you an interest to grow in the area of healthy boundaries, I encourage you to read the various boundaries books by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, you can find them on amazon.com.  They are my boundary gurus.  I think their books should be in the “dummies” section of the bookstore instead of the self-help section, i.e. “Boundaries for Dummies”.  They make the content easy to digest and they get to the heart of the matter.  They know boundaries.

So, there you have it ~ a picture of my favorite hoodie with it’s back story, a confession on why it’s so difficult to write about boundaries and a commitment to write some on this very messy subject.  I hope you are ready to embark on this last leg of the journey with me.  My friend, Cindy Mitchell, said earlier today – hurry up with the veggies, so we can get on with dessert.

Still Writing,
Cindy

Yesterday, I had lunch with a new girlfriend and she asked “How could she pray for me?”  Translation =  What do I really need?  I need some help returning to my New Year’s Intention of REALLY being present to the moment.

A colleague asked this question, “What’s on your well-being check list?”  At first I didn’t like the idea of having yet another checklist in my life, especially when we are talking about my well-being.  After pondering the question, I realized that my well-being definitely includes not rushing from here to there.  I put it on the list – Don’t rush.

While I lived in San Francisco, I had the incredible opportunity to “sit under” the teaching of a trusted friend, colleague and wise sage – Debby Bellingham.  I went on a number of personal retreats with Debby that took us away from the craziness of every day.  The number one priority of each of these getaways was to be still.  I’ve been missing those times, literally and figuratively.  Well, guess what?  I just got invited to one the weekend of April 9-11^th.  I replied with a resounding yes.  Pick me!  I need some “still-ness” from my one-woman-juggling act of “RN student, Queen of Less Drama, life coaching, booking writing, domestic un-goddess and wife.”

And then, this morning I read this quote on another coaching colleague’s facebook status (Thank you Heidi). “If we take the time to be quiet, be still, and be present, we may start to see things we haven’t seen before – things that have been right in front of our eyes. And those are the things that change the world.” ~ Dan Pallotta

I went and read Dan’s post on the Harvard Business Review blog.  Powerful stuff.  Please click on the link below and read the post.

http://blogs.hbr.org/pallotta/2010/03/no-now-no-new.html

I dare you to take a moment and ask “What’s in it (the post) for you?”

Dan encourages us to take the time to see things as they are – then set out to make changes.  Dan Pallotta is a leading expert on innovation in the nonprofit sector and a pioneering social entrepreneur.  He knows the power of asking “WHY?”

Why do we do what we do?  Are we making life matter? What would happen if you took some time to be still?  Is the investment of being present to NOW worth it?  How would slowing down serve me and the ones I love?

Taking some time out to just be still,

Cindy

P.S. Maybe I should take the wheels off my suitcase and slow down.  (You have to have read Dan’s post to get my try at humor.)

I love synergy. I love chatting with one of my best girlfriends. We connect. We process. We get IT. When we talked yesterday, she told me about an upcoming job interview. She shared with me her enthusiasm mixed in with some fears of inadequacy. Her fears seemed to be winning the race.

I encouraged her to carve out some time and go to her favorite safe place. Once she’s there, I told her to “Ponder your strengths. Contemplate your essence. Create hope. Think on these questions – Why this job? Why you? Capture stories. Envision. Dream. Do all this in preparation for the interview.” She got the idea and ran with it. Her enthusiasm shot out in front. The energy in her voice lifted. Seemingly out of nowhere – I imagined a big, happy, hot pink, gerbera daisy, balloon. Can you see it? She could. We giggled.

Can you imagine her ambling into her interview, big happy balloon in hand? She ties it to a chair (not saying a word) and sits down with confidence. She’s ready. She’s got game. She interview becomes a walk in the park. BTW – she was made for this job!

Where in your life do you need a big, happy balloon of confidence?

Taking a walk of confidence,

Cindy

A week ago,  I learned two valuable life lessons:  One about business and the other about simple moments that bring truth.

I had just sat through a 5-hour lecture with what became my worst migraine ever –  not fun to say the least!   I was walking from class to my big ol’ country girl truck when I was stopped in my tracks.

This gentle man with cerebral palsy in a motorized wheelchair rolled by me and then unexpectedly turned backed towards me.  I’m not sure how he elicited my attention but he signaled me over to him.  I think I was wondering if he needed my help. He spoke in the most tender and kind 1-inch voice I have ever heard, “What’s your name?”  I can still “feel” the gentleness of his voice.  Pause.   Deep Sigh.  I said, “Cindy, what’s yours?”  His name was Milo.  It’s what he said next that has stayed with me.  He said in a whisper that was seemingly meant for my soul (so soft and slow that I had to lean in real close to hear),  “You caught my eye.  You are beau-ti-ful.  You. Make. My. Heart. Go. Pit-ter-pat.”  No pretense.  No cat call.  No hubris.  It was simply pure and genuine from the heart.   I must add here that this does not happen to me every day.  I know that my family and friends find me pretty (most days) but complete strangers do not usually stop me with such utterances.

Whoa.  This sent me reeling.  As I walked away, I was awestruck.  It was as if I had been turned upside down and inside out.  As my thoughts jumped quickly through my processor, I turned back to catch a glance at Milo but he was gone from sight.  Hmmm…

I called Brad to share my little moment with him but he was not available, so I called Alisha.  Have I mentioned before that I’m a verbal processor?  I shared.  We processed.  I was struck by his courage and the innocence of his intrusion into my life.  As an aside, for my single girlfriends, I wondered why most guys don’t share such things with us, unabashedly.  As I recounted the moment, waves of emotions took over.  It totally caught me off guard.  We are talking waterfalls.  It seemed so silly and yet so profound that my tears flowed so freely. As we talked about my encounter, Alisha named the moment, “Sacred”.  This message of truth spoke deeply to me.  Somehow it wasn’t important to know why it had “hit me so” but I knew that it was my job to JUST receive it.  I’m still receiving it.  In the quiet moments, I reflect.  I contemplate.  I wonder.

What I learned this week about simple moments of truth:

• be willing and open to hear the message
• listen carefully with your heart
• messages of truth can be sent in unlikely packages
• truth comes when you need it
• truth sometimes comes as an interruption from the ordinary
• it’s important to simply and humbly receive the truth
• take time to ponder the truth and let it seep into your soul

So I’m not sure how this story will sit with you.  It’s not easy to capture the essence of a moment like this.  I hope it speaks to you.  I’m trusting there’s something in it for you, too.  Live in the truth that beauty abounds within each one of us.

Receiving, Cindy

I so strongly believe in the power of girlfriends.  I believe that we can see in each other the great things that are destined to be. I believe that we hold the keys to unlocking opportunities for each other.

Some girls around the world haven’t been given the keys or worse yet, they’ve had them stolen by circumstances out of their control.  We who have been given much must help them unlock the doors to their opportunity.

“We are limited not by our abilities, but by our vision.”  Author unknown

I’ve got two videos that I want to share with you today.  I believe that awareness is the first step to making significant changes.  I believe that we hold the keys to unlocking great things for our girlfriends around the world.  I believe that we must first have the eyes to see.  PLEASE take the time to watch these videos.  They are powerful!

The first one asks this question of you.  The world is a mess. AGREE or DISAGREE?

The second one dares you:

I dare you to join me in celebrating International Women’s Day (March 8th).  It’s a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future.

Girls rule and boys drool,

Cindy

If this moves you, please be sure to visit Girl Effect on facebook.  It’s got great tools for creating awareness and making a difference.  After all, it only takes a girl.

This past week, I spent one of my clinical days in Endoscopy.  I hope you never find yourself in that part of a hospital, but let me tell you a bit about my experience.  It’s all very rushed.  Patients come into a room filled with beds, get hooked up to vital sign monitors, get an IV started, answer some questions, sign a consent for the procedure, and with the help of a competent, caring nurse have their fears relieved (all within the span of 10 minutes).  Then, fast as lightning, they are wheeled in for their procedure.  Okay, I’ll stop there.  I know you don’t really want to hear about what goes on behind the closed doors.  Big sigh.  That’s all of you reading this, sounding relieved that I didn’t go there.

I get to learn in this rushed environment.  As I’m learning and practicing my newly acquired skills I begin hearing these voices.  “You should have noticed that.”  “How come you didn’t do that?”  “That’s important – why didn’t you remember that?” “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”  I haven’t heard these voices in years.  I guess they’ve made an encore appearance since I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone and into an entirely new world for me.  I realized in that first hour of Endoscopy that I was getting increasingly flustered.  Oh my.  My confidence factor was dwindling.

Then, because I’ve had experience with these mean, no-good-for-nothing voices, I stopped them in their tracks.  I had a little Stuart Smalley moment.  YES, right there in Endoscopy, I had a literal conversation with myself (thankfully not out loud).  I told those useless, not needed here, little voices to take a hike.  I played the new tape. “You ARE learning.  It takes time to acquire these skills.  That’s why you’re here.  Be patient.  Take your time.  You’re getting it.  You’re going to be a great nurse, Cindy.”   Transformation – what a difference that made.  Deep breaths and I was back feeling confident, going slow and building great rapport with my patients.  I even landed some encouraging feedback from one of the nurses.

I dare you to listen to voices of truth and leave the lies behind in the dust.

Now that you’ve heard my “playlist” for the week – what’s on yours?  Please check out “What’s on Your Playlist?” from our archives (December 2009) for step-by-step instructions on how to delete the “old tapes” for new “playlists”. I think it’s worth sharing with you again in light of my Stuart Smalley moment.

The truth will set you free,
Cindy

On my way to an email marketing seminar and a day of clinicals at the hospital on Wednesday, I had a little “moment” talking to my sister.  I realized just how much worry I had borrowed:

Tuesday morning.  Truck stuck in mud on way to clinicals.  Call AAA and 2 hours late. Borrow a little worry – check.

Tuesday evening.  Husband.  News of another torn rotator cuff, argh – the same shoulder that had surgery 16 months ago.  Another surgery?  Job uncertainty?  Borrow lots of worry and some sadness – check.

94 year-old Granddad, 90% heart blockage, headed to Europe for his 3^rd cruise in 2 years.  Go Granddad, go heart.  Granddaddy, please be safe.  Borrow adequate amount of worry with a little hope – check.

Sister.  Her husband deployed to Iraq for a year.  Borrow decent amount of worry – check.

Nursing Care Plan to write and implement – 20-hour project.  Must get enough data in short time allotted while caring for patients.  Borrow just the right amount of worry – check.

First test of the semester.  Those who have gone before us encourage us to set our expectations at failure.  Studied beaucoup hours, 40 pages of handwritten notes.  Borrow way more worry than my fair share – check.

Weight of all the worry.  Not enough downtime.  Rush, rush, rush all week.  Still rushing.  Can’t afford tears at the moment. Must hold it together.  I’ll take a minor meltdown for $400, Alex.  Cry a little, pray a little, love a little upon my sissy, who’s going through enough stress of her own.  Check.

I get to the seminar about 45 minutes early.  I am hoping to study.  Too tired.  Too drained.  Must muster up my networking savvy.   I ask myself, “What’s the best use of this time?” “Studying?  No.”  In the hotel lobby, when I see those little packets of calm, I know instantly.  A cup of tea, a moment of silence and, “Voila!” – peace came.

The cup of tea was this lovely blend of mint and tarragon leaves.  It’s name was rejuvenation.  It was made just for me and my borrowed worry moment.  I sat down in a big comfy chair.  The cup warming my hands.  The steam invading my soul.  Ahhh….

It only takes 5 minutes and the benefits are numerous.  Sipping tea slows you down.  The tea itself can have calming effects.  There are even health benefits – the research proves it.

So, I dare you.  The next time you are borrowing more than your share of worry,  grab your favorite mug and sit down to a cup of tea.

Relaxed, Cindy

It’s been a crazy busy week here in my little world.  So many men…so little time (just kidding – do you remember that song from the 80’s?  It was my favorite way back when – you should of seen my sorority sisters air band to this song for winter carnival).  It’s actually a case of so much to do…so little time.

In contrast, back in August, Brad and I had the opportunity to drive up to King’s Canyon and had a day in the mountains…a day sitting by the river.  Can you hear the late summer not-so-in-a-rush water flowing over the rocks?  Can you see the sun peaking out from behind the clouds forming over the mountain?  Can feel the breeze gently chilling you as it passes by?  Ahhh…how it soothes the soul.  I got to take a long walk by myself.  It reminded me of my high school days in New Hampshire.  I would come home from school and take little hikes through the woods or meander down our secluded road…some days it would even be snowing.  Oh, how I loved those walks.  It was my way of getting away from it all.  I walked, I dreamed, I contemplated, I processed.  It was good.

Brad and I love to take day trips to the mountains or the coast.  We love to cast ourselves into nature.  If you’re like us, funds are a bit tight right now but all it costs us for a day away is the gas to get there and back.  Our little “picnics” away from it all allow us to dream and contemplate.  It never fails on our drives to and fro (I’ve started bringing a hand-held recorder to capture these moments) – We dream.  We create.  We brainstorm.  Good stuff happens.  Visions are planted.  New ways of thinking emerge.  Energy flows.

The creative juices flow when we take the time to get away.  I dare you to step away from the desk, the email, the cell phone, facebook, the rat race…I dare you to step away from it all every so often – be intentional.  Get away for the day or even just for lunch – just make sure you take time to “get away”.   Let it flow…all that stuff that stays trapped on the treadmill of life.  I dare you to plan your little picnic away.  I dare you to put it on your calendar today.

Daydreaming,

Cindy

P.S.  I met this cat on facebook a while back.  He’s a cat that’s not daunted by stereotypes. He’s sees what he wants and goes for it.  I dare us to do the same.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UTdhK0lwuw

Powerful Questions to Ponder:

When was the last time you took a “little picnic”?

Schedule your next little get away – put it on the calendar.  Send yourself a reminder.

Do you have dreams?

What are they?

When was the last time you let yourself daydream?

Are there any brainstorms brewing?  If so, what are they?