Don’t worry, we are anchored in about 2 foot of water. We aren’t moving, and we are barely rocking. All babies were safe and secure.

I took Paisley outside & took some pictures when she turned 5 months old.
Chris calls this outfit her potato sack… lol

Not ready for her to be sitting up…and she’s getting to big for the boppy lounger, how unfortunate.. We love the boppy lounger.

hanging out on Saturday morning while we wait for Dada to wake up …. baby einstein for the win.. parenting at it’s finest.

Play time with Dada – Every night when Chris gets home, he takes Paisley until she’s ready to eat again. Usually during this time I either start dinner, or go to my office and work for a few uninterrupted minutes.

Enjoying a walk around our neighborhood – This was my last attempt at trying to get Paisley to nap today.. Let’s just say, it didn’t work. No way she could fall asleep and miss out on an adventure with Mama & Dada. Nope, not happening.

Life ain’t always beautiful, but it’s a beautiful ride

Summer has hit Florida in full force. We are enjoying suffering through 90* days already !!!

Summer = boat days

My sister & her husband bought a deck boat a few weeks ago so we’ve spent the last few Sundays out on the boat enjoying lots & lots of family time.

Paisley’s first life jacket

We had a somewhat difficult time finding a life jacket that fit appropriately, and that we were comfortable putting her in….and that she didn’t scream in. Oddly enough, we found this Stearns infant life jacket at Walmart. I never shop at walmart, and I definitely wouldn’t have checked there for a life jacket, but my sister found Liam one there so we picked one up as well.

stock photo from walmart.com

We liked this life jacket because it has the zip up back, and two leg straps which are more secure than the other life jackets we tried on her.

She was so comfortable she fell asleep. So sweet!

I had other pictures of her sleeping in the pack in play, but I guess I deleted them. My sister picked up a cheap pack n play for the boat. Paisley naps like a champion in that thing; she napped for 3+ hours both times we’ve been out on the boat. (We are anchored, which is why her life jacket is off. Life jackets go back on when we are moving).

Not the best picture, but you can see all the other boats anchored on “the flats.”
The flats is an area of shallow water near some spoil islands where people go to anchor and just hang out. On low tide the kids can stand up, so it makes it a nice place to hang out.

On Mother’s Day, after we got the babies to sleep, we got to hang out in the water and enjoy some beers.

It is way past my bedtime – hopefully Paisley doesn’t punish me for staying up late…

If you follow me on IG, then you probably already know most of this. I’m WAY better about posting things on IG than I am on here. It takes way less time to snap a pic, and write a quick caption. I can do that while I’m nursing, which takes up a whole lot of my time these days. (follow me here)

When I left off last we had take Paisley to two appointments with the chiropractor. We took her to the chiropractor because she had a really tight jaw. She was unable to open her mouth much more than the size of a dime, which made breastfeeding a real challenge. We finished up her treatment at the 3rd visit. Dr. Smith felt she had made some great progress and that we could come back as needed, but he didn’t see any need to continue treating her.

Since her final adjustment our breastfeeding relationship has gotten substantially better. We did have a gross case of thrush, which required us to both be treated… but once that cleared up, we have been pain free. It is seriously crazy to me that we are breastfeeding without pain. Sometimes when I’m nursing I think, “wow, this is what it’s supposed to feel like.” It really is so bizarre. We went through so much to be pain free, and while it was a really difficult & trying 11 weeks, I am so so glad that we stuck it out. (I posted about my struggle with breastfeeding here and here)

is it weird to be non-related baby pictures? yes? to bad.

I think I wrote in the last post that my leg is 100% back to normal. so, yay for that! I never did get the results of the nerve conduction study, and at this point, it really doesn’t matter. I don’t have any residual numbness, and my range of motion is perfect.

What else, what else??

Oh. I never posted about this on the blog, but I have posted about it on IG.. and if you get squeemish about medical stuff, or you think it’s weird that I’m posting about it.. then, you’ll probably want to exit now, because we are about to get REALLLLLLL personal up in here.. and I mean REAL personal..

exit now.

So. About a million years ago (or approximately 12 weeks) I thought I had hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids are SUPER common after child birth, and then, add in the fact that I pushed for 2.5 hours.. I was pretty much destined to get hemorrhoids, right? I thought so.

If you’ve never had hemorrhoids, lucky you – From what I’ve read, they can be very painful – which is why I thought I had one (or 100). I tried every trick in the book to get rid of the ‘rrhoid.. After about 8 weeks of excruciating pain (and blood) every time I had a bowel movement (LOL, can we just say after I took a poop? bowel movement is just…. so work like. I say bowel movement a lot at work).. I went to see a colo-rectal surgeon.

There are fewer things in life more embarrassing than going to see a colo-rectal surgeon. When the nurse took my vitals, my heart rate was through the roof. I had so much anxiety going into this appointment. I know what the treatments are for the ‘rrhoids and it’s not pleasant.

After an exam (where I almost died of embarrassment) the good Dr. proclaimed that I in fact do NOT have hemorrhoids. I have an anal fissure, which I also call a butt cut. Laugh all you want, but that shiz is NO JOKE. It’s a cut, in your butt… just imagine having to poop with an open cut in your butt.

Per the good Dr. the butt cut can heal with the application of some butt cream. It will take 8-12 weeks to heal, but I should have some relief in 1 week. Sweet hallelujer! relief!

Only… I didn’t. Same pain, day after day. I followed up last week… since I have had zero improvement (at that point) the Dr. wants to schedule surgery, more specifically a sphincterotomy. (don’t google that, you’ll be scared. I’m scared).

Here’s what I should have been doing, but wasn’t – taking stool softeners. I increased the amount of fiber I was taking, but wasn’t taking a stool softener with any regularity. So, now, I am taking the stool softener like it’s my job. I do no, I repeat, I DO NOT, want to have surgery. I am absolutely terrified of surgery.

The point of the stool softeners is to soften up the stool enough so that the anus doesn’t have to stretch out, thus causing the butt cut to rip open with every bowel movement.

I told you that you should have exited this post a long time ago. it’s all your fault if you’re like WTH, Jena, WTH.

Surgery is scheduled, but I’m really hoping that I’ll be able to cancel it. I have to give the Dr. 3 days notice to avoid being charged – I have approximately 9 days to get the butt cut healed up.

happy to be running

note: I wrote this Saturday morning, but set it to publish for Monday morning.

I’m sweating.

I know that is not even remotely exciting for most of you, but the sweat is not because it’s 90* degrees out on May 2nd, no, it’s because I went downstairs and ran on the treadmill !!!!!

I was feeling a little down this morning.

I used to wake up at 430am on purpose on Saturdays so that I could go to Starkey with my running friends and run.. Now, I am woken up at 5am by the sounds of a crying baby. She’s hungry, I’m tired and I really wish she would go back to sleep. It’s not going to happen, especially since she has figured out how to roll over. Rolling over is fun, being stuck on her tummy, is not.

I drag myself to her room, feed her, and then will her to go back to sleep. nope. we are up for the day…at 5am, on a Saturday, no run in site.. just me and a baby that will not go back to sleep.

I told Chris later on that I wish I could have just half of my old life back. I adore Paisley, and I wouldn’t trade her, and I wouldn’t change anything – but it is hard. I still follow my old running group on Facebook, and sometimes it’s tough to see everyone out on their Saturday long runs.

the days of putting on my shoes and going out the door for a run are over. Now I need to consider Paisley and her needs; when does she need to eat? when does she need to go down for a nap?

Even going downstairs to the treadmill takes planning..

After I laid Paisley down for her morning nap, I changed into running clothes and headed downstairs to run on the treadmill. I got 3 minutes into my warm up when I saw the lights on the monitor lighting up red… that means someone is awake and making noise. I ran upstairs, rocked her, and put her in the swing. I really prefer that she nap in her crib, but desperate times… I turned up the white noise, and she fell back asleep almost instantly.

I ran back downstairs and crossed my fingers that she would stay asleep so that I could get 30 minutes done on the treadmill. My pace was not fast, and I have no idea how far I made it, but I ran for 26 minutes! That’s a record since Paisley has been born. I’ll probably be sore but it will be worth it.

It felt so great to be able to run for 30 minutes, holy crap endorphins! Now I just need to remember what that feels like so I can make time every day to run. I think morning nap time might become Mommy & treadmill time.. Fingers crossed that Paisley cooperates with this plan.

I’m craving some normalcy; I know this is my new normal, but I would like my new normal to feel a little bit like my old normal.

a portrait of my daughter once a week, every week in 2014

I was also hoping that Chris would be home when it happened. He travelled for work the last 2 weeks, so I was a little worried that he wouldn’t be home to see her reach this big milestone.

On Sunday afternoon we were just hanging out at my Moms; we spread a big blanket out on the floor and let Paisley & Liam “play.” Playing mostly involves Liam rolling over to wherever Paisley, then he proceed to poke her eyes, or pull her hair.. but even with the eye poking & hair pulling it’s fun to see them together. It will be so much fun to watch them grow up together.

a portrait of my daughter once a week, every week in 2014.
18 weeks old

The internet is a ridiculous place, and some things are just sacred, and not for the world to see, or speculate about.

But I think this is important to talk about..

First, let me start out by stating the obvious,

BABIES ARE HARD.

tired daddy

I’ve heard from other people that having a new born is rough on a marriage, and that post partum hormones are the devil in disguise. But you really can’t know how true those things are until you experience them yourselves.

Babies are these demanding little creatures that depend on you 100% of the time, 24 hours a day. Sure, they sleep, but when and for how long is anyone’s guess.

Life is so unpredictable, and unscheduled, and unplanned. Those are three things that I don’t handle very well. I’m not a super go with the flow kind of person – I need a plan. I need to know what we are doing, and when we are going to do it. Babies… they screw all that up. It’s a huge adjustment.

I don’t think you can really understand HOW BIG of an adjustment a baby is, until you have one. Then throw in the fact that I couldn’t drive or really walk …. So, not only could I not just hop in my car and run to the store because I had a new baby (who requires 6 million things when leaving the house, I couldn’t drive. So going to the store at all was out of the question unless Chris could go (or take me).

Prior to Paisley, it was Chris & Jena time all the time. Of course we had our own hobbies; I spent a lot of time running & working out. Chris spent a lot of time working on his boat – but we also spent a lot of time together doing things as a couple.

Enter Paisley.

Huh.

Chris & Jena kind of got pushed to the side.

We’ve argued/bickered more in the last 16 weeks than we have in 5 years of marriage (and 9 yrs together). Trivial stuff. some stuff that matters, but some stuff that was just trivial.

I don’t know how else to describe having a new baby other than, it’s just hard. It’s hard to find time for each other. I don’t even mean sex, I mean, just sitting down and talking – or watching a movie together.

Chris works, I work, Paisley needs 24/7 care, there is always laundry (mountains of it) to be folded, piles of dishes to go in the dishwasher – toys to be picked up, dogs to be taken care of.. The list of things that needs to get done is never-ending.

We let Chris & Jena time slide to the bottom of that list, when it should be at the top.

It’s weird to live with someone, and still miss them. I mean, I see Chris every single day – but I miss him. I miss the days before we had Paisley – don’t get it twisted, I love that kid more than I ever thought I could love another person, but I miss the days when we could be totally selfish and no one would suffer.

So, if you have a little one at home, and you constantly want to shank your significant other, it’s okay – it’s normal. {Don’t actually shank them!} Sit down and spend some time together.

It’s just a phase.

Paisley will grow up, and we will look back and wonder where the time went.

A portrait of my daughter once a week, every week in 2014.

A portrait of my daughter once a week, every week in 2014.
16 weeks old

Not much happening this week; Paisley went through a growth spurt which included constant nursing and nap boycotting.

A portrait of my daughter once a week, every week in 2014.
15 weeks old

Oh me, oh my… I’m a sucker for those baby blue eyes.
Blue eyes like her Daddy.
My heart is toast.