1: As a kid I always dreamed of a Superman film featuring Senate hearings and a jar of piss. Now I can check that one off the bucket list.

2: I’m not sure who’s to blame for the editing, but it’s awful. The film jumps from scene to scene with zero thought as to how they might flow. You would think a scene of Daily Planet editor Perry White saying “Where does Clark Kent always get off to?” would be followed by a scene of Clark/Superman (spoiler, sorry) off doing something. You’d be wrong about that one.

3: We get it Perry White, the newspaper business is dying, and you’re terrible at writing headlines. No need to belabor the point during every scene you appear in.

4: There is a kernel of a good movie somewhere in the bloated mess of a film. Unfortunately it’s buried deep.

5: Scary Batman is scary. The single best part of the movie is Batman being Batman on a group of criminals. This is a Batman like we’ve never seen on film before. He’s fast, terrifying and brutal. Batman/Bruce Wayne (again, spoilers, sorry) are enjoyable to watch work. I’ll happily go see a stand-alone Batfleck movie.

5(a): Ben Affleck is really terrible at looking like he’s driving/flying things. His acting prowess does not extend to any scene involving a steering wheel.

5(b): Batman, while the peak of human performance cannot, and I repeat cannot, hook a car to the back of the Batmobile, drag it several blocks and fling it with perfect accuracy to kill some goons. In a movie that asks us to believe in super powers, aliens, and the idea that we might want to see any future DC films, this is the least believable part.

6: Every second Jesse Eisenberg is on screen as Lex Luthor is like nails on a chalkboard. His performance is baffling. He doesn’t come across as evil, just nuts, and annoyingly so. Brian Cranston was originally rumored to be Lex Luthor, and that would have been amazing.

6(a): The one positive moment (and I do mean moment) with Lex is when he pushes Lois Lane off a building to call Superman. That was clever. (I probably should have said “spoiler alert” there, but let’s be honest, Lois Lane is not going to end up as a smear on the pavement in the middle of the movie, and knowing it happens going in will not ruin the movie for you. The rest of the movie will ruin the movie for you.)

7: Mopey Superman is mopey. I loved Man of Steel, and there are shades of what made that movie good here, but they are weighed down by WB’s need to introduce an entire DC universe in this one film.

8: When they first announced this film three years ago it felt odd. Instead of going the Marvel route to success by slowly building a universe, DC was just going to drop everything on us at once. In one film we get a new Batman, Wonder Woman, Lex Luthor, glimpses of Flash, Aquaman, and Cyborg, foreshadowing of Darkseid, oh and Doomsday too. It was just too much. And I know who all those characters are. I can’t imagine the experience seeing this film and having literally no idea what’s happening. It took Marvel years to build their universe, and in that time we were able to care about the characters. This felt like an avalanche of crap no one asked for, and at the end you just have a giant mess.

8(a): There’s a point at the end when I was disappointed Ben Affleck didn’t look at the camera and say “Justice League, coming November 2017,” and then wink. Because it really felt like it would have been appropriate.

9: There were just so many moments where I stared at the screen wondering what I was seeing and why. And most of the time the film never answers the why part. Blame whomever you like, but it’s a perplexing movie.

10: The 1989 Batman was one of the biggest film events of my childhood. If you stopped 9-year-old me and told me that one day I would see Batman and Superman on screen together I wouldn’t have believed you. If you’d told the younger me that my reaction to the film would be “meh” I would have said you were crazy.

11: Director Zach Snyder has some incredible visual chops, but his storytelling ability is severely lacking in this one.

12: The last thirty minutes were simultaneously the most interesting of the film, and also just a big CG punch-fest. I generally dislike CG punch-fests, so the fact that it was the most entertaining part for me is telling. That being said, I was shocked at how boring watching Superman and Batman throw each other through walls is.

13: At multiple points I looked over at my kids to see them not even looking at the screen. Clearly a very engaging cinema experience.

14: I counted three different points where I was asking “how is this happening” only for the film to yell “haha, it was a dream, fooled you!” I mean I’m fine with that once, but three times seems like poor writing.

15: Watching the reactions to the film (both audience and critical) has been more fun than watching the film itself. Seeing the audience quietly file out is a marked departure from the fun of the Marvel films or even an experience like seeing last year’s Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

16: Give this one a big pass. The redeeming moments it has just aren’t enough to justify the investment of your time. It does such poor job making you care about anything on screen so it all just comes across as noise.

They say nothing can really prepare you to be a father. I’ve made a lot of mistakes as a dad. I’m selfish when I shouldn’t be. I don’t spend enough time with my kids. I don’t show them the grace they deserve. My temper wins more often than not and shouting ensues. I can’t fix anything without cussing, so I just hire it done. I worry a lot that my kids will make the same mistakes I do. My problems will become their problems.

Most days I don’t feel like I’m a good father. I often wonder what my kids will think of me when they are my age. Will they look back and think I was a good dad? Will they see my glaring flaws?

I think of my dad and I wonder if he is a perfect father or if he has the same fears I do. To this day he is selfless when it comes to his sons (and really most people). He’ll drop whatever he’s doing for us. He shows grace even when we don’t deserve it. I can’t ever remember him yelling at us as kids. He does cuss a lot when fixing things (it’s genetic!), but he actually manages to fix whatever the problem is.

I know my dad isn’t perfect because he’s human, but I don’t remember him being anything but patient, loving, and available when we were kids. I know he probably feels like he spent too much time working and not enough with us, because that’s how all hard-working dads feel, but I don’t remember that. I remember a dad who would take time after work, when he was exhausted, to play baseball in the back yard. I remember a dad who had to go work one Christmas morning after we opened presents. I know now that would break my heart as a father, but as a kid I don’t remember feeling abandoned. I learned being a dad means you work hard and you sacrifice for your family.

They say nothing can really prepare you to be a father, but they are wrong. Our fathers prepare us to be fathers. Some of us have great fathers, and some the opposite. Mine prepared me to be great. I didn’t learn all the lessons well, but I also have the rest of my life to be a father so there’s time to catch up. Maybe my kids will see me the same way I see my dad. Someday.

“Neat. You want to go work for them now?”

“Yeah. Kind of.”

As the diners enjoyed a quiet Saturday morning breakfast, a bell began to ting in the distance. It grew louder and was joined by the rumble of a train speeding down the tracks nearby.

“Here comes the train!” the dad said excitedly.

A young boy leapt to his feet, his fork clattering to the table. He didn’t bother wiping the pancake syrup from his mouth as he bolted for the edge of the porch. A smile of wonder spread across his face as the sound grew louder.

His arm stretched toward the train as if trying to touch it as it rounded the corner into view.

The train sounded its booming horn as it approached the intersection and the boy’s eyes widened in delight. The procession of cars quickly thundered past and was gone, thumping off into the distance.

“That was the train!” the boy explained.

We love to create. To build. To make.

For me it started as design. I loved print design. Design evolved in to sales. Turns out that can be creative too. Then it was writing. Then photography. Then to business building and leadership. Currently I’m teaching myself to cook. I’m sitting here writing this while pondering how to start a business that makes high-end reclaimed wooden furniture.

I love to create, no matter what form that takes.

One of my favorite examples is my friend Allan, who built this, and also builds the most amazing desk lamps. To me the creativity is the same, whether you are building a web app or a lamp, the skill set is just different.

I guess my question is, is there ever a moment of creative contentment where you don’t feel the need to make new things? Is that moment the end of it all?

Growing up, I loved CHiPs. Before I could even tell time, I knew when CHiPs was coming on. Somewhere there’s a photo of me in the early 80s riding my tricycle with a police helmet, sunglasses, and a pistol.

Needless to say I’ve always loved the idea of being a cop. Sadly I never took that route. But, one of my best friends did. Despite being way, way too old for such shenanigans, he decided to become a cop. We helped design the logo for his class at the police academy.

Today I opened my mail box and found an unexpected box. Inside was this hat, with the logo, class motto, class number, and my name. This hat is probably the closest I’ll ever get to the police academy, and it’s also one of my most prized possession.

David, I’m proud of you, brother.

Living the dream.

I came across this verse today.

[8] So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.

(1 Thessalonians 2:8 ESV)

Reading that I wonder how many more opportunities to share faith are opened up when we give of ourselves. Our time, money, and effort are all incredibly valuable. When we give those up for the love of someone else, it creates a conversation.

“Why would you help me?”

“Because someone else loved me and helped me.”

So the question is, do we love others enough to give up our money, time, and sweat? If not, I’m guessing those opportunities to share life with others will be limited.

After nine years of doing this, I have a huge job change ahead of me.

We’ve been very blessed to grow over the last few years, and this year I’ve taken a leap of faith and begun hiring people. So far we’ve added three new team members. What I’m discovering is as we hire and grow, my day is now divided differently. Instead of spending all day dealing with clients, I now spend much of the day teaching and leading our team.

I’m imparting the vision of why we do what we do.

I’m equipping them to find new clients and care for them.

I’m making sure they are fulfilled in what they are doing.

I’m focused on company structure and marketing to make sure we can afford to care for our team.

The biggest thing I’m seeing is that I have to be much more intentional about my schedule. I need a lot more focus. The idea is to divide out my time and completely focus on whatever is in front of me.

If there is an hour blocked off for design work, I have to turn off my phone and e-mail to focus.

We have an hour every morning for calls with my team and an hour in the afternoon. During that time, they need my focus.

I have to start scheduling meetings only on certain days and at certain times.

This is a big change but for the sake of my health, the happiness of my team, and the future of the company, I have to become more intentional.

The transition from doing to leading is a tough one, but I’m looking forward to learning.

“Busy, man, really busy.”

How many times have we had that exchange? What I’ve come to realize is that no one cares. Somehow we’ve come to equate “busy” with success. If I’m busy doing things, they are good things, and you should envy me.

The reason no one cares is that we’re all busy. Successful or not, we never stop. I can remember days when our business wasn’t what I would call a success. I was both busy and stressed out about the amount of things that had to be done.

Busy does not equal successful.

How much of our busyness comes from just not managing our time well? How much of it comes from not being able to say no? In reality, we should probably be ashamed of most of our busyness, not proud of it.

The busy answer also allows us to avoid deeper conversations. What do we usually say to “We’re really busy right now?” We answer, “Yeah, we are too,” and that’s about as far as the conversation progresses.

So what if our answers were honest? What if they started with “I’m having a great week,” or “It’s been a hard week.”? These answers invite more conversation. “Why has it been a great week?” “What happened, can I help?”

Let’s just assume everyone is busy and skip that step. Maybe we’ll have deeper relationships if people really know how we are doing.

And let’s stop being so proud of being busy.

Those basics are easy things. Success is well defined.

Now we are turning to much more unsure ground. The thing that really scares me is I look around and see so many people that are absolutely miserable with what they do for a living. As a society, we don’t have this problem figured out.

So how can we guide our kids to a life that is full of purpose and joy?

College obviously isn’t the answer. I think it can be an answer, but not the answer. There you can learn some things you love and other things you don’t love. Through all the courses that you’ll probably never use in life, you can discover a passion for something.

Starting a business isn’t the answer. It can be an answer, but not the answer. While it’s great to feel ownership over one’s future, so much of running a business has nothing to do with finding passion.

Passion has to be discovered. We’re designed by God to have certain passions and drives. I was very blessed. I had an idea of the career field I wanted to go into by the time I was in my early teens.

What’s funny is that career field has taken me to a place I never expected. I wanted to do design and marketing. And while I do that every day, I’ve come to a place where my focus is on helping people. I get so excited every day to work. It has nothing to do with money either. It’s entirely about changing lives. When we help a small business with marketing, those are people who have put their dreams into their business idea. We can help realize those dreams and make sure they endure. A business that keeps going and prospers can have a huge impact on the course of someone’s life.

It took me a lot of years to get here, and I have an odd feeling my life will look even more different and even more people-focused a decade from now.

So how do I help my kids get to that place? I want to send them out into the world with lots of creativity, a monster work ethic, and a drive to help others. I want them to try things, sometimes fail, pick themselves up and start over again. I want our family to always be a safe platform they can launch from when they get new ideas.

I’m not satisfied with kids who just make a good living, and I’m certainly not satisfied with them being miserable while doing it.

I want kids who will make a difference.

How do we do that?

“You really need to take a day off,” my brain said to me early Saturday morning.

“I don’t have time to take a day off,” I responded, “Do you not see the mountain of things we have to accomplish?”

My hand flew up out of nowhere and slapped me in the face.

“What was that?” I yelled.

“That was me,” my brain said, “I can control things like that. And I’m going to keep doing it until I get a day to rest.”

“Look, I don’t…”

My other hand flew to my cheek, stinging it.

“Stop it!” I said.

“Nope, you give me a day off or this continues.”

“Fine, I will give you a day off, but let me just get this one last…”

Slap.

“That’s getting really old. Stop it. Fine. Day off. Starting now.”

An awkward silence ensues for 10 minutes.

“So what if I just do this one small…”

Slap.

“Listen, stop being unreasonable, I can’t just go cold turkey. What if I do a little bit today, and less tomorrow, and then you’ve had most of a weekend off. Then by next weekend I’ll be okay with literally doing no work?”

Slap.

“Why would that not work?”

“Because you won’t take next weekend off. If history tells us anything it’s that my next real day off will be in the next 90 days, not seven.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“But there’s this one thing that will only take 10 minutes.”

Slap.

“It’s going to be like this all day, isn’t it?”

Slap.

It’s not often I hear this, but I can still remember a few years ago when I had a new client tell me this. She wanted me to take her ideas, which weren’t great, and give her exactly what she wanted. The problem was I have a deep conviction about always doing what’s best for the client, even when they don’t want it.

Typically when a client wants me to do something that will hurt their brand (usually through bad design or poor strategic decisions), I’ll gently let them know why it’s a bad idea and offer creative alternatives. So what happens when they insist on bad ideas? What happens when I can’t talk them out of it?

At that point I have a decision to make. Continue to serve the client by doing what they ask, or politely let them know we aren’t a good fit. If the client is just belligerent in their disregard for what we do, I’ll end the relationship. However, if there’s hope there, I’ll often forge on.

Are you a teacher?

At the end of the day I see myself as a teacher more than a service provider. I want to educate my clients about great design, interesting marketing, and innovative thinking. Just like educating a child, sometimes that takes a few tries. Sometimes I’ve done work for clients that I wasn’t proud of. That usually leads to the next project and we have the same discussion again. “Why don’t you try this, it would be better for your business.” They might still say no.

But the next time, they might say yes.

The next time they might take the spec design I did, to demonstrate our thinking, and run with it. They might begin to learn the things I’m teaching. Eventually you can transform someone who doesn’t really know what they are doing, into a great client who values your thinking, and does interesting work. And at that point, you’ve enriched their businesses and lives, rather than just provided a service.

But none of that happens if you give up on the relationship the first time you’re asked to do bad work. Sometimes what’s best for the client is giving them what they ask for but continuing to push better ideas.

To me it’s the difference between a teacher and a service provider. I want to be known as a teacher.

These things are good for me, but I rarely take time for them. Usually it’s because there area a hundred other things I could be doing for my clients with that time. If I’m going to be doing something, it seems like it should be something to chip away at that never-ending pile of client tasks.

But, did you notice the key words in that last sentence?

Never ending.

Never. Ending.

The funny part is, I’m always busy. Even when I look back at times when this business wasn’t bringing in enough money to pay our bills, I was busy. I have always worked hard. I have always pushed myself and done more than I probably should have. Always.

And now that the business is taking care of us and growing at an insane pace. Nothing has changed. My days feel very much like the days when we weren’t making it. I get up, tackle as many things as I can throughout the day (and some of the night) and then go to bed exhausted, never pausing to do the things I need to do. Why is it that I’m the same amount of busy in a growing company versus a failing one? I don’t know. But what I do know, is I need to take time for things that are important, because there will never be a time when I feel caught up enough to do them.

Writing
I need to write more. I love it. I’m sure my high school journalism teacher would be happy/incredibly angry to see how much I enjoy writing now. It gets thoughts out of my head and on paper (screen). It allows me to think through problems and topics in ways that I don’t normally if I’m not trying to put them into words for the world to read.

Marketing
I own a marketing company, and sell good marketing ideas to companies every day. And, yet, I don’t take time to plan mine out. I still do it, but it tends to be in more of an “oh crap I need to get something done this month” manner, rather than a nicely calendared plan (which happens to be what I counsel all my clients to do).

Rest
I’ve never been good at this and probably won’t ever be. If you look back through this blog, you’ll see an awful lot of “I really need to take time off” posts. More and more, though, I can’t push myself to work 100 hours a week too often. I can work through the weekend, and sometimes have to, but when I do, I can see I’m much less productive the week after. Maybe someday I’ll figure this out.

The mountain of tasks staring me in the face today won’t all be accomplished today. I hope I’ve learned that that’s okay. The world keeps turning. Clients keep paying. We do a good job and we meet deadlines. I think I can keep doing that and take times for some small things that matter.

There were photos and videos. Stories of silly things the kids had said when they were younger.

It was like jumping in a time machine as a family. As we read, watched and laughed, I was reminded of why I used to write so much. I wanted my kids to have something they could look back on when they are my age. Something to spark memories but also to see the things I did, thought and felt as a young father.

I still do.

Now don’t get me wrong I do believe in getting better every year, but I believe laying the groundwork for that begins way before January 1st. My one goal this year is to stop procrastinating and just get things done. I started working on this way before January 1st so I think there’s some small chance of success.

This last year was like every other year, full of challenges and joys. My business grew by just under 300%. I learned a lot, including that I can’t count on always being healthy while working 100 hours a week. I’ve made adjustments, including getting some help and following my new rule: just get it done.

It’s easy when the sky is blue and the sun is shining to procrastinate. Things are so nice, I’ll worry about this tomorrow. The problem is there’s no guarantee tomorrow won’t be stormy. I learned that in a rapidly growing business tomorrow always looks different than you expect. Always.

So this year, instead of putting things off, I’ll try to force myself to get it done when I can. If that happens, then when the storms come I won’t feel the weight of so many unfinished tasks. I was sick for about two-and-a-half months straight during the late summer and early fall. Not one time during that stretch did I just get to take off and be sick. No time to heal. No time to rest. Granted we did as much business in August as we did in 6 months of 2012, but still. Had I known that was coming I probably would have buckled down more in June and July to prepare.

I’m not hoping for another 300% growth spurt. I’m not sure I could survive. But whatever God decides 2014 looks like, I’m going to try to just get it done and see where that leaves me on January 1st, 2015.

My bleary eyes stared at the screen for what seemed like the 24th straight hour.

Searching.

Scrolling.

Clicking.

More scrolling.

I need a new truck. Well not new, but new to me. I need to find that perfect combination of price, mileage and features that would make me want to drive it for the next decade.

Search.

Scroll.

Click.

“Hey!,” I exclaim, “This one looks great.”

I pick up the phone an call. “Hi, first question, does the truck have a clean title?” I ask.

“No, sir, it’s a salvage title.”

This is the fifth time tonight I’ve found “the perfect truck” and it’s turned out to be a salvage. I consider hurling my iPhone against the wall. The prospect of iPhone and truck shopping simultaneously stops me.

Search.

Scroll.

Click.

“This one isn’t bad. Nice truck. Great price. Low mileage. White isn’t my favorite color, but it could work. We’ll add it to the maybe list.”

I pick up the phone and dial the number.

Voicemail.

I leave a message. Seem interested, but not eager. There is, after all, still that age-old dance of negotiation to do.

An hour passes. No call back.

“Why hasn’t he called me back?”

Search.

Scroll.

Click.

“Seriously, this is 2013. Technology, man. Pick up the phone and CALL ME!”

Search.

Scroll.

Click.

“What if it’s sold? What if I missed out on the perfect truck by minutes?”

Search.

Scroll.

Click.

Okay, I need some sleep.

Eight hours later: “He still hasn’t called! I want this truck. I need it more than the air I breath! Why can’t I have it?”

I got sick the second week in August, then it stretched to the third week, then the fourth week, and then most of the way through September too. I don’t get sick often and I’m pretty sure I’ve never been that sick before. Throughout it I just kept hoping I’d get over it so I could wake up in the morning and just feel good again.

Well it finally happened and you know what, I’ve been much more thankful for health the past two weeks. I find my thoughts often going back to those weeks when I just felt terrible all the time. If nothing else, maybe having a more grateful heart is worth dealing with all that.

“Dad, I want to buy this game.”

“Well,” I respond, “I don’t.”

“It’s only $4,” he says.

“$4 is a lot of money.”

“No it isn’t, besides, you owe me from when I had some gift cards on iTunes that you spent.”

I grudgingly punch in the password to download the game and quickly send him away in annoyance. He walks out, smug sense of entitlement firmly in place.

The next day my seven-year-old walks into the same room, iPad in hand.

“Dad, can we download this game?” he asks.

I take the iPad from him and look at the screen. “Do you really need a $3 game?” I ask.

“No, I clicked the free version,” he says “It’s a really cool game and I just want it but you don’t have to pay for the nice one. We can play the free one.”

I quickly punch in my password and download the full version, paying the $3.

“Here you go,” I said, handing him the iPad back. “I bought you the full version.”

A huge grin spreads across his face and he jumps in my lap to hug me, almost dropping the iPad.

“Thank you so much, Dad!”

He quickly rushes out of my office and I can hear him all the way through the house.

“Conner! Dad bought us the full game!”

Best $3 I’ve ever spent.

“I’m off to the salt mines!” I yelled as I always do and began the 20-foot walk from the kitchen to my office.

“That’s the problem,” Rebecca said, “You always go to the salt mine. Maybe you need to try the diamond mine.”

I’m not sure why, but this note Cody wrote to Santa and placed under our tree makes me profoundly sad this morning. Maybe it’s the realization that my kids are growing up too quickly and I feel like I’m missing large portions of it. Maybe it’s the bittersweet thought that I get to watch my kids grow up while many others do not after last week’s events.

Regardless there is something magical about childhood innocence. As I’m learning with Colton, our 12-year-old, kids eventually hit a point where you just want them to grow up. Until then, though, I’m just going to enjoy Cody’s hope that he’s “not on the noty list” and not think about the fact that he won’t have many more years of notes like this.

Don’t worry, buddy, you’re definitely on the “nis list”.

I used to love politics and I think there are two reasons I soured on them. One, I discovered that inevitably whomever we elect will be a massive disappointment, continue to spend too much money and work within a deeply flawed system. Two, I became sick of watching perfectly normal people who I tend to like put their hope in sinful men. Any man who runs for election is not our ultimate hope. God decides who rules and reigns temporarily on this earth because He rules and reigns eternally.

There are three things in my life that truly matter to me.

Leading and loving my family well
The man in charge at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue has absolutely no bearing on this. How I love my family and how I lead them is up to me.

To love those around me
God has put a great many people in my life that I am called to love and serve. I live my life to show them grace, help where I can, and walk with them, all in the hope that Christ will impact their lives in a way that undeniably glorifies Him and points them toward our great God and King. Again, no law, decision or idea coming out of Washington will ever impact me helping those around me.

To work hard and grow my business
This is the one where the president can have a slight impact. The amount of taxes I pay and other restrictions will effect the growth rate of my business, but not the eventual destination, which is success. I’m not going to lie, the last two years have been the best my business has ever experienced and gives me great hope for the future. I don’t give President Obama credit for my success any more than I would fault him had I failed. My business will live or die on the back of my hard work and determination. I am more determined than ever to make it work, despite anything the government might ever do, not because of it.

Did I vote for Obama? No. Would I have rather seen Romney in the White House? That’s a yes, but not by much. I’m not one who believes the other side of the aisle is inherently evil. I think they do what they believe is right based on their current set of motivations. Can those motivations be sinful and wrong? Sure, but so are all of ours sometimes. I think it does us all a huge disservice to just assume that everyone who disagrees with us is ignorant or evil. They are humans in need to love and grace, just like you and I.

I respect President Obama for the great calling and burden God has put on his life as President. To lead a few is a massive weight. To lead the free world…I can only imagine.

So, to all my conservative friends, keep calm and move along. What are the most important things in your life, and are they really any different today than the were yesterday? And who do you really look to for your hope?

I leave you with Daniel 2:21: “He changes times and seasons; he removes kings and sets up kings; he gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding; he reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what is in the darkness, and the light dwells with him.“

Which means that our comfort comes not from the powerlessness of our enemies, but from our Father’s sovereign rule over their power. This is the point of Romans 8:25–37. Tribulation and distress and persecution and famine and nakedness and danger and sword cannot separate us from Christ because “in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us” (Romans 8:35–37).

This is where a faith in God’s complete sovereignty has really relieved a lot of my previous worry. Things will occasionally go bad, but none of those things is ever outside of God’s control, which makes them ultimately for my good. It’s faith in the power of God to finish His redemption plan that gives me hope that even a sinner like me will make it.

Complete a to-do item, check Twitter.

Finish a call, check Facebook.

Wrap up a project, play Angry Birds.

Now in place of all those things it’s take a few minutes to pray, read the Bible or any of the other five theology and ministry books I’m in the middle of. It took a few days to calm my brain down and have it realize it doesn’t have to be stimulated by something new every 30 seconds. I think it also serves to lower my stress level in general.

It’s amazing how those things that ate up so much of my time now appear lifeless and dim to my vision.

For whatever reason I can’t sleep.

32 years down.

I wonder what God has for me in the next one.

And for all that, all we have to do is work hard. Used to it was working 40 hours a week. Now it’s 60. We’re always chasing.

More.

Newer.

Better.

Faster.

All of it based on “I can do it.” My struggle this July 4th is my understanding of the gospel which says I can’t do it. I can’t run fast enough to outpace my sin. I can’t work hard enough to be justified. I can’t buy enough stuff to fill that hole in my soul.

I can’t.

And yet I try. I run and work and buy. And sometimes, through God’s grace, I achieve. The joy of success floods over me but like every wave that has ever crashed on the shore, it fades. It doesn’t last. That’s the dirty secret of the American dream. Not only does it not last, it doesn’t satisfy.

So then why? Men and women have sacrificed their lives so that I might be free. Free to run and work and buy, but I want more. God put me here in this time and place. It has to be for more than just that. Look across the globe at the suffering and sorrow in some countries. There are places where people are ripped from their homes and killed for what they believe. There are places where food is so scarce people go days or weeks without a real meal. But God placed me in a place of physical safety and comfort.

And in some ways I think God placed me in a place more dangerous than all of those. How easy is it here for my soul to wander? How easy is it for me to fool myself into thinking I can do it and I don’t need God? We don’t live in a place of great physical danger, but we do live in a place where we can be sucked in by shiny things that won’t satisfy. We live in a place where we are constantly chasing but told to chase the wrong things. We live in a place where we’re increasingly okay with that. We know these things won’t satisfy, but we continue to chase.

Anyone who knows anything about Spider-Man knows the great line that changed his life: “With great power comes great responsibility.” God did put me here in this time and place. He put me in a place of abundant resources and technology. And it isn’t just to terminate on my temporary joy. My joy is the end goal, but not temporary or perishable.

This 4th of July, I’ll cook something outside, enjoy a cold Coca-Cola (from a glass bottle), watch Jaws, see fireworks and hug my children. I’ll be thankful for all those who have sacrificed so that those things can happen. And I pray I don’t waste those sacrifices on the shiny lure of the American dream.

I can’t do it.

He can.

We survived the long stretch of the spring baseball season, only to enter summer, which has somehow been just as busy. Cody and Colton’s teams both finished somewhere at the back of the pack, but they both had fun and learned a lot. Conner’s made a run at the championship and ended up in third place. It was the most fun I’ve ever had on the baseball field.

Since joining Life Church in February, we’ve once again become sucked into ministry which seems to eat a substantial amount of time. More so than actual church work though, we’re spending a lot of time really getting to know people we’re doing life with. It’s honestly something I’ve never been good at, but I’m learning.

My business continues to grow and branch out. Not as quickly as last year, but still growing, slowly but surely. Always with me at the helm, questioning everything we do all the time. Does that ever stop? That uncertainty that comes, not only with developing a business, but with knowing the decisions I make help or hurt the future of my family. It’s the odd position of always having to be sure of what you are doing, but never actually being sure.

In a few weeks I get to preach on the Gospel. All the study that goes into that has me examining my life to see all the places where the Gospel of Jesus really doesn’t have a hold. It’s a process of God prying my fingers off the things I want to control. It’s a battle He is winning, and I’m thankful for that. The transformative work of Christ is by no means easy or even fun, but I can see changes for the better.

Maybe that’s the source of my introspection this hot July evening. Maybe it’s my impending 32nd birthday. I tell myself I’ve accomplished a lot in my 32 years but the other side of my brain knows I probably could have done more, made better decisions here and there. But my deep-seeded theology about the sovereignty of God tells me I had to make every decisions the way I made it. He has been very gracious in my life and I should be more thankful for that.

As a rule, getting older doesn’t bother me. A big part of me relishes the idea of being in my sixties or seventies and really enjoying the wisdom of age along with finally having an excuse for my cantankerous nature. But, every so often, I have the occasional day when I acknowledge that I am getting older. My kids are growing rapidly and before I know it will be out of the house. I tell myself I’m looking forward to that day so Becca and I can start a different chapter in our lives, but I know the day one of the kids leaves my house I’ll be devastated.

God has blessed us with some of the most amazing friends in the world. Tomorrow night they will descend on our house for hamburgers (hopefully), margaritas (definitely) and swimming. We’ll swim and splash with our kids. We’ll relish the fact that their oldest just had his cast removed and is on the way to recovery. We’ll stay up entirely too late and talk. We’ll probably spend a lot of time dreaming about the future of the people God has entrusted us to care for in the church. And in that time I’ll take a moment and thank God for all he has done and I’ll forget that I’m about to turn 32 and anything else that’s bothering me.

But for now I get to be quiet and introspective and listen.

And that’s okay every once in a while.

Interesting.

Via Logo Design Love.

Now I have.

Often through my life I’ve worked on the big picture at the churches I’ve been at. Despite working in the trenches, my love and focus was really on the overall direction things were headed. People weren’t people. They were Sunday stats, demographics and groups. It happens because that’s how a big part of my brain is wired.

What I learned Sunday, as the Texas heat radiated up from the parking lot, was that there is an intimate view of the church to be had from the parking lot. I was able to welcome every person there that day. People were no longer groups. Suddenly it wasn’t about the total number of people we could serve on Easter. It was about each individual family. Each person who had decided to come to Life Church on Sunday.

I saw members who knew what to do and where to go. I saw families who had clearly fought all the way to church. I saw new visitors who just wanted to know the quickest way in because of the nervousness that comes with visiting a new place for the first time. I saw faces. Individual faces.

We worked for weeks prepping for Easter, often with our eyes on the big picture. On Sunday, in that hot parking lot with a bright yellow vest on, the big picture came into focus. It was made up of a group of people, some new, some old, but all family.

If you’ve never worked the parking lot, volunteer to wear the yellow vest, at least for one week. There’s a lot of value there. It might just change the way you look at the big picture.

I really notice the difference when I don’t get up early. Yesterday morning I didn’t get up until 7:15. The entire day felt like I was under the gun. I was constantly running and my stress level was just higher.

Getting up early seems to lead to less stressful days for me and allows more creativity. Granted, I have to be in bed by 10:00PM at the latest, but that’s a fair tradeoff for more productivity and less stress. It’s been one of the best changes I’ve ever made.

Spend five minutes watching this, then let’s dream about what the future could be.