DEVON:  Speaking of stage work, this was one of the episodes you were looking forward to. The Snatch Game. How did it meet your standard?

CECILY:  It didn’t! Man, that was….not good.

DEVON:  Yeah, I felt that way as someone who had no expectation of it.

CECILY:  Like, I have an imagined counter-narrative that Betty was intentionally throwing the game, because WHOOOO would have done Nancy Grace like that?

DEVON:  How can she do her spin off, The Acid House Rules if she doesn’t throw the game?

CECILY:  FUCK ME, WOULD WATCH

DEVON:  HAHAHAHA.  There was ONE moment I liked in the Snatch Game.  When Bob became Carol Channing. And I liked it because the way it was edited, it made it seem like she did a Bugs Bunnyesque quick change.

CECILY:  Hahaha, yes! HOWEVER, her impression of Carol Channing,while proficient, paled compared to a previous contestant, Pandora Boxx.

DEVON:  Yeah, I mean, a good point was made in the episode. The only one in Bob’s way is Bob. She’s got to self edit better.

CECILY:  Yep! I think she would have won it sticking to Crazy Eyes.

DEVON:  Have to turn that trunk of tricks into a bag of tricks.  Thorgy’s Michael Jackson was praised but there was no bit. Like, I can be made up as MJ and just giggle into my hands.

CECILY:  Naomi did about as well as I thought she was going to. I’ve never even really seen New York in anything, but I’ve seen a lot of memes and shit, I’m pretty sure I could have done a better one. And when Ru tried to set her up with the big clocks gag, and she just face.planted – it was not good.

DEVON:  I’ll be MJ and you can be New York in a summer stock production of Love Letters and THE FUCKING REVIEWS WILL BE GLOWING COMPARED TO WHAT THEY DID.

CECILY:  OH MY GODDDDD  Let’s see if they will air it on Logo. Everyone needs content!

DEVON:  Oh Christ, will they ever. Simulcast on Bravo.  I was pretty surprised by how half competent Chi Chi’s Eartha Kitt was.

CECILY:  Yes! Deranged, but consistent!  Who was bitching about “she’s just acting like a cat’? HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE SHOW YOU’RE ON, LADY?

DEVON:  BETTY.  AND THAT’S WHY SHE WENT HOME.  She’s too good for Snatch Game. And you would think someone whose bit is “too good for the room” could do Nancy Grace!

CECILY:  I know! Carson clearly has his drag show worked out, for the off season.

DEVON:  Yeah, Carson can do this shit in his sleep.

CECILY:  Just needs a glittery pantsuit.

DEVON:  Snatch Game seemed like it was moving so weirdly slowly. Like, the model contestants were stilted and the drag queens were, too.

CECILY:  I was going to say, it certainly didn’t benefit from having those two beautiful blocks of wood as the show contestants.

DEVON:  Gigi Hadid seems like a beautiful idea as opposed to a beautiful person.

CECILY:  She’s one of those models that’s like, a toddler’s face on a hot lady’s body. Like Miranda Kerr.

DEVON:  Oh yeah. That makes sense, because I like it to be a lady’s face.  Hey! Remember the time everyone was the same Madonna?

CECILY:  HOLY SHIT SO MANY KIMONOS  Also, whyyyyyyy  You could be Breathless Mahoney! You could be Justify My Love Madonna! MATERIAL GIRL, FOR FUCK’S SAKE

DEVON:  YOU COULD BE THE BLANK

CECILY:  Holiday from Truth or Dare!  The Blank?

DEVON:  Spoiler Alert for Dick Tracy.

CECILY:  RIIIIGHT

DEVON:  Like, somebody’s got to do some out of the box shit. And Blank into Breathless would be that.

CECILY:  So, as far as that goes, ALL RESPECT to Betty for the Bedtime Secrets Madonna.

DEVON:  YES.  If she hadn’t shit the bed with Nancy Grace, that would’ve won it for her, I think.

CECILY:  Like, I don’t think she should have gone home because that was so good and so weird.

DEVON:  I felt the same way. But an A and a D makes a C!

CECILY:  Yep!

DEVON:  Bob won because her jumping into everything with both hands and both feet worked in her favor.

CECILY:  The song they did for the lip sync, I don’t think I’d heard since the neighbor girls moved away in ’88.  Cause we DEFINITELY watched Who’s That Girl on their grandparent’s satellite dish.

DEVON:  Also, I kind of always hoped we’d have a professional reason to dress like scouts one day.

CECILY:  Are there Goth Scouts?

DEVON:  OH MY GOD I WISH I COULD MAKE THIS FONT BIGGER RIGHT NOW BECAUSE YES THERE ARE BECAUSE THEY ARE US.  I haven’t heard that song in so long either. Also, I love the idea of tiny Cissy watching Who’s That Girl? on satellite.

CECILY:  Yep! Basically all I remember about it is…a convertible? And Causing A Commotion.

DEVON:  I have an important question.

CECILY:  Yes?

DEVON:  How is Derrick Barry surviving.

CECILY:  She did okay as Britney in the Snatch Game, and on to the next episode, she got a LSFYL(Lip Sync For Your Life – ed.) song that she would always, in any universe, do better than Robbie Turner at.  That sentence is awkward, but she’s got a good enough hand to stay in.

DEVON:  It’s like she’s getting by by not being good enough.  I feel like they expected more from Acid and Robbie and that’s how they got booted.  And with Derrick, it’s like, “You’re okay and we know you’re okay, so when you’re okay–we’re not disappointed.”  She’s definitely not getting an edit that a person who stays this long gets.  She’s not getting a sympathetic edit or a villain edit. She’s just getting a round out the numbers edit.

CECILY:  Which gets her the coveted “Do Shut Up Figgis” award.

DEVON:  YES.  I also don’t get when someone takes their wig off in the LSFYL. That seems like a quick way to get bumped.

CECILY:  It’s a move of last resort! SAVE IT FOR THE FINAL MOVE!

DEVON:  So we’re admittedly Memento-ing this a little. Let’s get back to the start of the next episode. Reading is Fundamental. Your thoughts as a RPDR vet?

CECILY:  Also not great!  Kind of disappointing!

DEVON:  Yeah, I was unimpressed by these two episodes that featured what I’ve learned are standards of the show.  That is, learned when you told me weeks ago.

CECILY:  Yeah! I agree. I only watched seasons 2-4 prior to this, and generally felt that the Snatch Game/RIF challenges declined in quality in that window.  Because honestly, they should have been working on those reads THE SECOND they saw who was on the show.  And I’m sure Bob did, but the rest of them…did not.

DEVON:  And Bob’s were still overrehearsed. I feel like Bob would be drowning in another season.  And also, this would’ve been a goddamn massacre if Acid Betty hadn’t gone home the previous episode!

CECILY:  SLAAAAAAAy

DEVON:  What’s with this Wizard of Oz stuff.  I mean, I get it from the Logo perspective and all that, but it seemed out of left field.  It seems like they’ll do an episode that seems kind of relevant and then one that is just whatever, here’s Dorothy.

CECILY:  Friends of Dorothy? A touchstone of the 20th century gay community? That’s just me guessing.  So, in the previous drag makeover challenges, they didn’t usually have people who were used to being on TV. So the Little Women LA were a delight, especially the lady paired with Bob.

DEVON:  That was some interesting synergy.  Especially since I seem to recall that you just recently learned of the existence of said Little Women.

CECILY:  I nearly fell off the elliptical the first time I saw an ad, that is correct.

DEVON:  Hahahaha!  “Here I go!” you say as you tumble over.  I liked the development of Naomi’s Scarecrow. I kind of always love in reality shows when someone successfully integrates the judges’ advice.

CECILY:  And she looked great! She could design Halloween costumes, if this whole drag queen thing doesn’t work out. I’ve definitely seen worse “sexy humanoid” costumes out there.

DEVON:  Way, way worse.

CECILY:  OH GOD  Marc Jacobs and Toderick Hall were both super cute, btw.

DEVON:  They were both quite game!  Derrick has to go in the next one or two episodes, right. The grading curve is rapidly disappearing.

CECILY:  Yes. Chi Chi is also in danger, girl, as she’s not overly into the costume construction.

DEVON:  Are you going to burn shit down if Chi Chi goes.

CECILY:  Well, having seen what Bob can do, I have a hard time seeing Chi Chi win.  I’m making my peace with it, is what I’m saying.

DEVON:  And it’s weird, because Chi Chi has been getting the hard sympathetic edit.  Maybe that’s the other spin off. Bring DeVayne.

CECILY:  WILL WATCH, PUT IT ON MY TV NOW  And it’s House of DeVayne, duh.

DEVON:  That’s a stretch.

CECILY:  Like the Tyler Perry show! On TBS!

DEVON:  BUT NO LET’S ADD ONE MORE “HOUSE OF” TITLE TO THE TV HISTORY PILE.

CECILY:  HAHAHAHA

This Mike Posner song. Ugh.

Brand anthem.

DEVON:  There’s something I want to talk about right off the top. Because I’m not sure anyone there knows the cause of it.

CECILY:  GO ON

DEVON:  The growing Bob/Thorgy feud. Take it from someone who has seen it happen a thousand times. They both think they’re the funniest and resent the other for existing in the same space.

CECILY:  Do you think they are playing it up for the cameras? Because they know each other IRL.

DEVON:  I would bet dollars to donuts that this is a constant in their relationship.  They count the laughs the other gets.

CECILY:  Girls, girls! You’re both pretty!

DEVON:  This is a classic comedy performer thing. They hate their friends. Unless they aren’t getting laughs, then they’re great.

CECILY:  What a strange bunch of malcontents!

DEVON:  Meanwhile, Betty ends up the real winner, because she doesn’t give a good goddamn.  This is also what happens in comedy.

CECILY:  Here’s my top of the episode observation: The synth group utterly missed that this was supposed to be funny, unless Rectangle Girl is some code for drag queen none of the rest of us knew about.

DEVON:  But they did sound more like a synth group than I EVER WOULD HAVE IMAGINED.

CECILY:  They did! And other than Naysha, really nailed the look!

DEVON:  Yeah!  As I said to you privately, this episode is very much in my wheelhouse as resident New Wave Queen. I mean, of the two of us, I think that’s fair.

CECILY:  I would dispute it with most, but I defer to you, m’lady.

DEVON:  And you are right. They didn’t get that they should’ve been funny. The only Thompson Twins there should’ve been their boobs.

CECILY:  HAHAHAHA  What did you think of the other songs? As someone who loves the B-52s and songs where they take out the dirty rhyme with a word that doesn’t rhyme at all, Street Meat was right up my alley!

DEVON:  Street Meat was great and had the three strongest performers, I think.  Bob can’t take direction, but it’s about what’s on the stage in the end.

CECILY:  By far, and yes. Les Chicken Wings were definitely getting the ‘surprise! It’s not horrible!’ edit. I DID NOT have high hopes based on their brainstorming sesh.

DEVON:  YES. Even though it was also not punk.

CECILY:  Oh not at ALL.

DEVON:  Which I know YOU know, but man!  Also, I think I was surprised by all of them, to varying degrees, because the brainstorming made it seem like none of them knew what any of this stuff was.

CECILY:  RIGHT  I mean, they’re all kind of young, but they are residents of the internet, they’ve at least been exposed to some of this.

DEVON:  Yeah, I just feel like what’s more camp than New Wave. It’s ALL style.

CECILY:  I was bothered by Michelle’s critique of Betty’s stage outfit!

DEVON:  Oh, tell me more! Then I’ll tell you my Michelle thing this week.

CECILY:  WELL, they were basically handed a B-52s song, and Betty….dressed up like Cindy Wilson! I mean, she should have probably had a beehive, but then it would have been cosplay, not drag.  I didn’t get that Michelle of all people didn’t get the reference point.

DEVON:  Yeah, I had almost the exact same thought there.  It felt very much like production stepping in. “We have to ding Betty a little.”

CECILY:  Yep! I’m not saying she would have won but for that or anything, but still.

DEVON:  Right!

CECILY:  My OTHER strong impression from this episode:  Naysha managed to miss the point of drag, pop music, lip sync, and probably art in general in her very lame elimination lip sync.

DEVON:  YEAH WHAT WAS THAT.

CECILY:  I just wanted to yell at the screeen “THIS ISN’T ABOUT BEING PRETTY, IT’S ABOUT BEING OR FEELING COOL/SCARY”.  All of this is active, none of it is passive. And she was just making Price Is Right model-faces like she was on Instagram or some shit.  I WILL NOT BUY YOUR WEIGHT LOSS TEA NAYSHA.

DEVON:  Cecily.  Everything is about being or feeling cool/scary.

CECILY:  I know YOU know.

DEVON:  Specifically being cool and feeling scary. The Batman quotient.

CECILY:  IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW

DEVON:  So, my Michelle thing.

CECILY:  Yes!

DEVON:  Her telling Chi Chi that being dead ass broke is not an excuse. Like, I felt she was right and wrong. In real life, she is straight up wrong. Drag is expensive as fuck. Within the fantasy world confines of this show? Sure, Chi Chi should take advantage of that situation.

CECILY:  Apparently that was what remained of a longer, more sympathetic comment by Michelle.  BUT they are also told about the runway challenges ahead of time.  At least the ones that aren’t unconventional material challenges, at least.

DEVON:  Which I can totally believe, but that gets into the balance of what you recap when you recap reality shows. Do you recap what they present or recap what’s on Twitter (or what have you) the next day.  The last thing I want is to challenge Michelle, especially when it comes down to the edit, but there’s also a “not on the page, not on the stage” aspect.

CECILY:  In this case, it was on Untucked, the official commentary vehicle for RPDR.

DEVON:  Yeah, and there’s people like me, who may never hear any of that. Which is the real crux of reality television. For me, at least.  We’re basically smarks. Are you familiar with the term “smark”…

CECILY:  No! Is it flattering?  She said, like Aunt Mame.

DEVON:  A smark is a wrestling term. And yeah, it is flattering, really. It means smart mark.  A smart mark is someone who is savvy about the unreality of wrestling but still lets themselves get swept up in the pageantry.  And I feel like I’m a smark when it comes to reality shows that are done right.

CECILY:  Oh that’s DEFINITELY me. I love narrative, what can I say?

DEVON:  Like, it doesn’t surprise me that Michelle said more, but I’m caught up in the narrative.  The narrative presented by drag king Johnnie Cock Ring.

CECILY:  YESSSSSS  QUEEEEEEEEN

DEVON:  Hahahaha  As this show goes on, I see more proof that your prediction of the winner is correct.  Like, it would be stone cold to give Chi Chi the sympathetic “I just want that money to live” edit otherwise.

CECILY:  Yeah – my guess is that there is going to be a mini-challenge where she gets a ton of good shit, WATCH.

DEVON:  Let’s get down to the nitty gritty here, though. Blondie.

CECILY:  I want Chris Stein to be my father-in-law. We’ll watch Drag Race at Christmas and Hairspray at the Fourth of July.

DEVON:  HAHAHAHA  After watching this, I did realize Chris Stein and I had more in common than resting bitch face.

CECILY:  Strong opinions on drag queen’s footwear?

DEVON:  Yoooooou got it!  And also indoor sunglasses because OUR SHIT TURN YOU TO STONE, NIGGA.

CECILY:  HAHAHAHA  We did get confirmation that some of the jokes were live, at least with Bob’s response!

DEVON:  Yeah!  I find that the ones where they show the judges are live and the ones where you don’t see them are ADR.

CECILY:  Makes sense – I hadn’t noticed as much.

DEVON:  I am super fucking sensitive to that kind of thing.  I noticed little Debbie & Chris in the ADR because they had real shit to do.

CECILY:  Yeah!

DEVON:  Up next, Snatch Game. Which if not for your enthusiasm, I would have no optimism about.

CECILY:  It can be SO GOOD.  Also, they all know they have to have something. My money is on Naomi not doing well.

DEVON:  That’s a smart bet!

CECILY:  She’s so young, and hasn’t really shown a flair for this sort of thing.

DEVON:  And the thing about Bob, Thorgy, & Betty is that you know that even if they don’t have a good bit–they’ll fucking sell it.  They’ll sell it like it’s a Glengarry lead.

CECILY:  OH THEY’RE GONNA HAVE A BIT

DEVON:  I feel like Robbie will squeak by.

CECILY:  Chi Chi – depends on who she picks.

DEVON:  I hope she picks somebody poor.  That might be the meanest fucking thing I’ve said post-30.

CECILY:  Awww, no it’s not.

CECILY:  ****roller skates up to the Judging Panel*****

DEVON:  I love roller skating.  And liked Bob in this one!

CECILY:  She was very funny! And clearly has acting CHOPS. The taking the shoe off of the other girl as she sauntered out just cracked me up.

DEVON:  I realized that Bob is the type that needs structure. You just let her riff and it kind of blows, but you give her something to bounce off of, pretty good.

CECILY:  Flourishing within the lines, yes. And Thorgy was also excellent with her stage fighting skills. That has to be one of the more random performance skills to get utilized on this show, but it’s delightful nonetheless.

DEVON:  And she uses it every time she gets a chance! This is the second episode in a row.

CECILY:  I too, bring up the arenas where I am a winner. I’m almost sick of hearing myself say “I was on Jeopardy, you know.” ALMOST.

DEVON:  I never get sick of hearing you say that. What I liked most about this episode was that it was kind of a hang out episode. No real conflict, just moving the narrative along in a pleasant way.  Also, I let others bring up the arenas where I am a winner. Since I am essentially a folk hero.

CECILY:  “That’s the store where Devon Coleman cast a Shut Up Spell on the customers that lasted for weeks, only using his eyes!” That’s the story not everyone knows.

DEVON:  Hahahaha. Just one of my twelve labors.

CECILY:  I was a little surprised to see Naysha back, simply because, enhhhhh, she didn’t make that big of an impression?

DEVON:  LET ME TELL YOU.  It was a full two minutes before I realized she wasn’t brought back from a previous season.

CECILY:  Right! It took me a minute, too!  She is very pretty, and has lots of pretty gowns, so welcome back?

DEVON:  Well, we teased you a lot, ’cause we got you on the spot–welcome back!

CECILY:  I loooooved Robbie Turner’s runway look and commitment to late 70’s Sparkle Motion.

DEVON:  YEAH. How about that! I loved Bob’s save at the end, where she almost fell, but threw her arm out with flourish like it was a moment.

CECILY:  Bob made all of that look good. It’s all about looking cool in the face, even if your body isn’t doing exactly what you want it to do.

DEVON:  Yes! And if you can’t look cool wearing a Tron suit, YOU BETTA SIT YO’ ASS DOWN.

CECILY:  So, what did you think of the scripted bit? RuCo’s Empire?  Because these are usually TRASH, with the exception of one or two people, this time Thorgy & Bob.

DEVON:  I had to enjoy it just as a bit, which I did, because I’ve never seen Empire.

CECILY:  Right, they’re only acceptable in bit form. Usually there’s not a specific take off, it’s like “sci-fi” or “women in prison”.

DEVON:  I liked Ru’s exaggerated deep voice. I like reverse drag.

CECILY:  Yeah!

DEVON:  “Hello. I am the man from that show. Good day.”  It was like Homer’s Disguise Voice. I loved it.

CECILY:  Very Guy Incognito. What I don’t get with some of them, they do talking head/interview segments that are fine but can’t seem to talk when they’re in front of people. Robbie being the prime example.  Like, just be you, let the wig be the character.

DEVON:  Yeah!

CECILY:  This ain’t Julliard!

DEVON:  It’s kind of like watching Cupcake Wars and you’re like, “How did they think the salt was the sugar!”  I also liked that most of them seemed like they’d never seen Empire. So they just yelled.

CECILY:  I….don’t think that’s terribly far off? Or they were like, I have an Afro wig, time for some ridiculous stereotypes!

DEVON:  Well, it’s terribly far off in that if you can’t act–you think people on a show you’ve never seen are just yelling.  Or, along with the Afro wig, you think, “Hmm. Black cast, got it.” and start yelling.

CECILY:  I feel like it was the latter.

DEVON:  To paraphrase Chi Chi, the biggest detriment to that team was that all the black people were on the other team.  Which, whatever, is fine when you consider that most of white drag is black stereotype.

CECILY:  That issue is something else that occurred to me this week, specifically with the prayer hands after Ru’s parting speech. I don’t have anything in particular to say about it, but Thorgy and Betty look like if they ever went to church, it was more of a robes + organs – ANY musical syncopation type of situation.

DEVON:  They’ve pulled shapes in the church of dance, that’s about it if I were to venture a guess.

CECILY:   Have we ever spoken of Steve’s Liturgical Dance class in college?

DEVON:  X *feels* like a religious experience, sure!  We haven’t!

CECILY:  WELL, next time you’re here. I believe he and his friend Dan choreographed a routine to The Mummer’s Dance by Lorena McKennitt.

DEVON:  HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA HE HAS TO TEACH IT TO ME.  This is all the most insane moment of my eyes’ lives.  Also, you can’t TEACH A CLASS ABOUT GETTIN’ THE SPIRIT.

CECILY:  That’s not what that class was about! It was a very gentle interpretive dance class, with lots of “hands up to God/hands to heart/motion to indicate fellow congregants”.

DEVON:  Pffft.  That’s like snake handling with a garden hose.

CECILY:  Hahaha, yes it is.

DEVON:  But still if Mummer’s Dance was involved…

CECILY:  Now I have to listen to it!

DEVON:  So, I’m not sure our readers know this, but I have a lifelong dedication to costumes. And this show really speaks to that.  The fact that this show’s challenges are built around fitting in as many costumes as possible as opposed to any particular theme.

CECILY:  Yeah! What ones were you into?

DEVON:  I liked the judge challenge. So much.  It was so weird and wonderful.

CECILY:  Chi Chi invented the ass clap! Or ass clapping, or something.  And Ru distancing from Kim Chi’s law firm name.

DEVON:  “I didn’t write these…so don’t send me letters.”

CECILY:  EXACTLY

DEVON:  I’m so glad we thought of that at the same moment.

CECILY:  Yeah, there’s still a bunch of rough edges in what they’ll show, which can be refreshing!

DEVON:  I also liked Thorgy’s roller skating costume. That’s how I imagined you dressed when you roller skated up to the judging panel.  Straight roller boogie!  Figuratively.

CECILY:  I’m honestly surprised none of the pretty ones did more of a Roller Girl from Boogie Nights.

DEVON:  You also have a history of afro wigs in your family, so it tracks.

CECILY:  ANGELA DAVIS WIG, I’ll thank you to note.

DEVON:  Yeah, and what do you think Angela Davis called the real version of that wig that sat on her head.

CECILY:  Okay, fine. YOU’RE RIGHT.

DEVON:  Hahahaha.  And good call on Roller Girl!

CECILY:  Cynthia was soooooo close, but probably hasn’t dated enough movie critics in Austin to have gotten to that one.

DEVON:  She did legalize sex, so close enough!

CECILY:  THANK CUCU

DEVON:  Dearly departed Cynthia. Speaking of, I wasn’t sure about the oddly placed Thorgy backstory.  I mean, that’s a tried and true reality trope, but it just seemed like the editors were not on their game there.

CECILY:  With the backstory, it tends to be kind of randomly placed, especially if it’s anything other than “when I started in drag/my family was angry & religious.”  That would make an excellent opening to my new musical.

DEVON:  MUMMER’S DRAG.  Book & Lyrics by Cecily Squier.

CECILY:  CAN I TELL YOU I am very excited for the next two weeks of RPDR?

DEVON:  Is this for an insider reason that I wouldn’t know as a new viewer?

CECILY:  Not really – Blondie (Debbie & Chris) are going to be judges next week, and the week after that is SNATCH GAME.

DEVON:  Oh, yeah. I knew about Blondie and meant to bring that up. Because I knew that would excite you.

CECILY:  YESSSSSS  And they have to sing, which is usually good for some drama.

DEVON:  I’ve been out of the snatch game for a while now.

CECILY:  It’s their celebrity impression Match Game, and it’s a delight. The ones who get sent home are the ones who can’t tell a joke in character, and the ones who are funny are very very funny to me. I like impressions, I have a low character.

DEVON:  I gleaned that from the name, but I wasn’t going to let that softball sail over the plate.  I like impressions if they are a) incredibly specific like my Patrick Bateman or b) incredibly venomous like my Cathy Moriarty.

CECILY:  There have been a bunch of good ones, but I don’t think there’s been a a Cathy Moriarty one YET.

DEVON:  Also, Debbie Harry won’t need to ADR her zings.

CECILY:  I can’t wait – she can do dismissive like nobody’s business!

DEVON:  Should Cynthia have taken a chance and stayed on those skates. I feel like that choice may have been the deciding factor for Robbie.

CECILY:  I feel like Cynthia was taking a bet and thought she’s a better dancer off the skates. Lacking a clear sense of showmanship, obviously.

DEVON:  Right! SHOWMANSHIP MATTERS ABOVE ALL ELSE.  It’s not flying, it’s falling with style.

CECILY:  Onto the wrestling mats placed just beyond the runway for that very purpose. Well done Robbie!

DEVON:  So, Kim Chi is not long for this world, right.

CECILY:  Correct. We’ll see what happens next week, but since they have to sing…..unless she spent a lot of time in choir in school, she’s going to be out.

DEVON:  I mean, she’s Asian. So all that karaoke.

CECILY:  Hopefully! Positive stereotypes!

DEVON:  I wish you could see how racist my imagining her singing Time After Time is.

CECILY:  OH GOD SHUT IT DOWN

CECILY:  I’m in my finest drag for Drag Race. Wet hair and glasses and NO makeup.

DEVON:  Me, I’m a redhead.

CECILY:  You’re giving me shades of Tallulah Bankhead in that wig, darling.  So, was this week’s RPDR everything you’d hoped for?

DEVON:  This episode was my dream come true.

CECILY:  EXCELLENT  I, for one, was thrilled to see AB Soto, but a little dismayed to not see any of his video. IT IS A DELIGHT.

DEVON:  I had never heard of this person! And that actual dance off was very bizarre, in the perfect way.

CECILY:  Yeah, super weird! The quick drag is, you know, like the Quick Fire on Top Chef, and usually a way to get some additional sponsors..Were you familiar with the dead drop, aka the move Naomi biffed?

DEVON:  I mean, I’ve definitely seen it done correctly, yes!

CECILY:  Most recently in Magic Mike XXL! CTates does it in the drag club, right?

DEVON:  That was almost a year ago, all I remember is your laughter and some teacher in the back shouting “Rewind!” at the end.

CECILY:  TURN THE TAAAAAPE OVAH  She didn’t really say that, I’m exaggerating.

DEVON:  If you were exaggerating, you’re in the right place.

CECILY:  YES I AM. Anyhoo, Chi Chi did it right, and she and Cynthia got to be team leaders. Right off the bat, I’m calling some Chi Chi favoritism, bc she got to lead the Shady Bitches group, which was always going to be better than the Lady Bitches.  BUT I’M FINE WITH THAT.

DEVON:  “Sometimes, because Betty is so artistic–she gets away with being an asshole.” A kindred spirit!

CECILY:  And you would also look fierce in a faux-Philip Treacy headpiece!

DEVON:  Yeah, true.  Poor Cynthia needed to read her team name to remember!

CECILY:  It fell out of her cucu!

DEVON:  Let’s revisit who the teams were again. Lady Bitches were:

• Cynthia, leader
• Bob, comic relief
• Derrick, explosives expert

CECILY:  Kim Chi & Laila, getting the loser’s edits (or w ere they the TRIUMPH against all odds edits?)

DEVON:  Kim Chi definitely got the sympathetic edit.  I was fat, I’m a virgin, I can’t dance! Well, honey, Acid Betty wants to get all up in that.

CECILY:  ALLLLLL IN THAT  Poor Laila, she really only knew one kind of drag, and that seemed to be the kind that would work on a shitty webcam. Not professional stage lighting!

DEVON:  Yeah, and near as I can tell, you can’t be post-Sharon Needles.  Like, Spooky is a way of life.

CECILY:  And even if you do Spooky, you still have to do contouring, otherwise your face just looks like a thumb you drew a face on with a Sharpie. I’m anti-contouring in real-life makeup situations, but this is one where it’s essential!

DEVON:  I can’t take how it’s shaping up that everything EVERYTHING is a goddamn bit with Bob The Drag Queen. Like, sure, this is camp–but there’s a sincerity.  Bob’s got to riff for three minutes before every movement.

CECILY:  Well, idk – I feel like if I were on a reality show, and not going to win,I would be trying my hardest to win the Miss Congeniality crown, which is what Bob seems to be doing.

DEVON:  You have to pick your fucking moments.

CECILY:  True! To that, there wasn’t a lot of Derrick this episode. She’s got a classic 4th place look about her.  Cynthia fared a little better, but obviously, the night belonged to the Shady Bitches.

DEVON:  Team Shady Bitches had a fine outing. Just enough talent and drama to carry their storyline. “Too many chiefs, not enough indians” is a tried and true method in reality competition.

CECILY:  And Betty was really being a bitch!  For my money, I don’t think Dax did poorly enough at the performance to warrant the bottom spot.

DEVON:  Yeah, I feel like Dax got kicked based on the shit that shouldn’t matter to a judges’ panel. Like all that rehearsal shit. You have more knowledge about this show than I do, but it felt like booing an actor who gave a decent performance because you heard about their bad rehearsal.

CECILY:  I mean, it has a reputation for being the most written reality show, which isn’t really a surprise. I feel like Kim Chi did much worse at the performance, but between her runway look and her absurd number of Instagram followers, the choice got a little more clear.

DEVON:  Yeah, I think it’s more the most honest about being written reality show.

CECILY:  Exactly!

DEVON:  It’s a show about contestants who spend their lives creating a narrative, so the show itself would be hypocritical if it tried to obscure that in itself.

CECILY:  RIGHT  Back to the Shady Bitches, Thorgy was delightful.

DEVON:  Thorgy will stick around, I think, because she found her niche as Greek Chorus.

CECILY:  She’s saying what we’re all thinking. Thorgy Thor for President, 2016.

DEVON:  I’m also still kind of getting Chi Chi and Naomi confused.  Just like Chi Chi and where New England is.

CECILY:  I can’t wait to go overseas! I’m calling her as the winner.  From watching the show, Ru tends to favor the queens who resemble her – which means the pretty queens who can also dance and be funny. She’ll compromise, to a point, but she knows what the audience wants. And that is likely our lil’ Catfish Sandwich, Chi Chi.

DEVON:  Another point on the specific unreality of the show:  I love how the one liners for the runway are obviously ADR’d.

CECILY:  YESSSSS

DEVON:  RuPaul, the Bob Hope of drag, has to get her team of 30 writers on that shit first.  They don’t cut back to them ONCE during the runway. It’s so funny. They might as well be sitting at the bottom of the screen like Mystery Science Theater.

CECILY:  I love it! It’s the only plausible way most of their guests could say something funny. Ru and Michelle, I believe, but the rest of them…

DEVON:  RIGHT  Michelle! Just going to work like the bad cop judge she is.  “This isn’t a runway, it’s an operating table.”

CECILY:  I was also partial to the “Thorgy’s in an abusive relationship with her makeup.”

DEVON:  YES.

CECILY:  We both want to be Michelle Visage when we grow up, don’t we?

DEVON: Yes, of course, forever.  Though I will be the one asking to use your phone at climactic moments in our lives.

CECILY:  Bring back….my girls.

DEVON:  I was genuinely surprised by the double elimination.

CECILY:  I was, and I wasn’t. I mean, it’s certainly in the Cheap Tricks of Reality Television bucket, and they didn’t do the Lip Sync For Your Life any favors in editing. And they both kind of sucked?

DEVON:  I think I was mostly surprised because it was the second episode. That’s kind of bold for the playbook.  And yeah, that Lip Sync For Your Life was rough! When Laila took her dress off! It was like some weird ghost.

CECILY:  It wasn’t pretty, and not in the “effort is unfeminine” way. Just plain old not pretty.

DEVON:  HAHAHAHA. Yeah, no matter how you gender it. That was trying so hard to open a jar. Then hitting the lid with a butter knife. Then trying again. Then say, “No, I got it. No. I…no. I got it.”

CECILY:  And Dax was so pretty, but instead of opening the jar, just ate Cheerios out of the box.

DEVON:  Also, there are a lot of cool butts here.

CECILY:  So, I don’t know if the aspect ratio is off on my TV for non-HD channels, but all the butts looked weird and lumpy to me!

DEVON:  Check ya 4:3, sahn.

CECILY:  EVERYTHING ELSE LOOKS FINE

DEVON:  Cynthia has the coolest butts, but some of the others are okay, too.  The coolest butts, because it’s like two of a regular butt.

CECILY:  It is! I was wondering if Kardashian Butt had changed the aesthetic, which it probably has but not to the extent that it appeared on my TV.

DEVON:  It’s only changed the aesthetic for white people.

CECILY:  I realized that as soon as I typed it! A few seasons back, someone like Betty would have had a lot less padding, for example.

DEVON:  YES.

CECILY:  YOGA PANTS FOR ALL

DEVON:  Thorgy realizing that fat people know you don’t like that they’re fat.  That little moment just made me laugh.  It was when Kim Chi was talking about how people wouldn’t sit next to her on the bus and Thorgy’s like, “You noticed that?!”  Like…yeah. What’s not to notice, it’s not very fucking subtle!

CECILY:  My only comparable experience is getting on a plane with kids, but you’re right, not subtle.

DEVON:  Hahaha. My only comparable experience is walking anywhere near an old white person.  Or middle aged white person.

CECILY:  Aww, we’re terrible. Which segues into Bitch Perfect, an a capella rendition of RuPaul’s lesser works!

DEVON:  More like we’re treated terrible!

CECILY:  I meant white people!

DEVON:  I got confused, because we are also terrible…

CECILY:  THAT’S RIGHT

Show Notes:

The Big Orange Couch

Thug Life

Spider-Man’s web shooters

Truly, a bold man.

Kicked to the Kirb

Jenny Jones one year before 2000.

The Late Shift

Disclaimer

We TRIED it, as the Queens would say, eyeing our lack of preparation and technical issues.  Like tonight’s losing contestant, Naysha, Cecily prefers to coast on good looks and vagueness; when we should be focused on Vogueness. Or at least learning how to sew. Devon is new to the show, but was able to confirm for Cecily that one of the white contestants is indeed rocking box braids.  In a big old man bun.

So for this episode, unlike those regular, fishy recappers, we’re going for something more avant-garde in this, our inaugural Drag Race recap.  In no particular order!

Dax has a stupid name! Bob has a stupider name!

Cecily didn’t really care for the catwalk challenge being so all over the place.  Also, why bring back Raja and Raven for 30 seconds???

Country Barbie (Chi Chi) is an emerging delight, like Tyra Sanchez but with a personality.

Devon liked Robbie, with the sailor hat.

Cecily was finally able to introduce Devon to Sharon Needles, which:  what the hell have I been doing the last three years?  I made him watch Room with a View before I ever mentioned her, for god’s sake.

We loved the judge’s panel – even Ross and Carson were funny!  That’s right, even those guys!

The moral of the story is…not everything can suck as much as the Oscars.  That was a surprise!  Also, don’t attempt to live blog a show FOR THE FIRST TIME introducing 12 new contestants and celebrating the previous 99 episodes.  As Alanis Morrissette said: you live, you learn.

HOWEVER, as we go on, we will have either an emerging frame of reference OR Cecily will have a better computer with which to inflict our opinions on our adoring public.  Either way, join us next week?

Show Notes:

The “this band” Devon refers to is Sweet Spirit, a band Cecily recently introduced him to.

Opening “Movies That Happened” Montage

DEVON:  Shit like this is how we get a three hour show.

CECILY:  WORD

Rock’s Monologue

DEVON:  Ugh.  I don’t like seeing white people applaud this “real things to protest” joke.

CECILY:  ME NEITHER

DEVON:  A black guy said it, see. It’s okay.  White people are loving these jokes.

CECILY:  As they did with the classic Black People Vs. Niggas!

DEVON:  YES.

CECILY:  I did like the Wanda Sykes joke, however.

DEVON:  I liked the in memoriam being black people shot by cops. White people didn’t know how to feel about THAT ONE.

CECILY:  OOF

DEVON:  It was my favorite joke so far, since it didn’t let liberal rich white people pat themselves on the back.  Ugh. “Not everything’s sexism, not everything’s racism.” Thanks, Chris.  Let ’em alllllllll off the hook.

Best Original Screenplay

CECILY:  CHARLIZE YOU MAGNIFICENT BEAST

DEVON:  Yeah, she’s all right.

Best Adapted Screenplay

DEVON: These two(Ryan Gosling & Russell Crowe), doing bits! So everyone goes to see THE GREAT SHANE BLACK MOVIE THEY’RE GOING TO BE IN.

CECILY:  Agree to disagree!

DEVON:  My kind of double act.

CECILY:  YES  I’m going watch the hell out of that movie!

DEVON:  WE are.

CECILY:  THAT’S RIGHT

DEVON:  Oh, God. We’re going to see so many movies. Which for me at this point is two or more.

CECILY:  Me too!

Stacey Dash

CECILY: STACEY DASH  OMG, no one in the room got that except The Weeknd.

DEVON:  Nobody in the room has any black Facebook friends.

CECILY:  THAT’S INSANE

DEVON:  Yeah, no race divide in Hollywood.

Best Song Nominee 1: “Writing’s On The Wall”/Sam Smith

CECILY:  Sam Smith – I’m not crazy about this dude.

DEVON:  NOPE.

CECILY:  To the point I’ve not ever heard this song before.  And I wasn’t missing a damn thing.

DEVON:  That’s because you never saw Spectre.  That’s the only reason I ever heard it.  I don’t think it got any radio play.

CECILY:  Dear God, no radio play at all.  Even on my weirdo public station, which would usually give this kind of thing a spin.  IT IS CERTAINLY NO SKYFALL

DEVON:  Yeah, I mean, I think I said that to you.

CECILY:  I’m not talking about the movie, just the song!

Best Picture Package: The Martian & The Big Short

CECILY:  Washington & Cavill – that’s a lot of hotness on a stage!

DEVON:  Yeah, as long as they don’t try a movie together.

CECILY:  Oh dear God no.

DEVON:  There’d be one nomination at least!

CECILY:  For a Razzie!  Oh wait, is nomination code for erection?

Best Supporting Actress

CECILY:  An acting category – Supporting Actress!  McAdams looks great! I don’t really want to watch any of these!

DEVON:  If one movie that looked as good as Rachel McAdams had been nominated this year, I’d have seen a nominated movie this year.

CECILY:  Ain’t that the truth!  Vikander is dating Fassbender. She’s on my irrational hate list.

DEVON:  That’s hilarious.  Which isn’t to say I think it’s wrong!  An enemies list is important to have.And anyone who has a strange face and smaller breasts than you should be your enemy. I’ve had a Bio class. I know.

CECILY:  And an admirable tan for a Scandinavian woman! Grrr.

Best Costume Design

CECILY:  Cate Blanchett and costumes – HER DRESS IS FAAAAAB

DEVON:  I am nicely tuned out for this.

CECILY:  Are you high, Clairee?

Best Production Design

CECILY:  Dingy Fey is delightful!  Better than Sarah Silverman!

DEVON:  Yeah, Silverman was roooooooooough.  She had to follow that killer Stacey Dash bit, though.

CECILY:  That was fucking amazing, even more amazing for how few people got it.

DEVON:  RIGHT.  I am less mad since Rock got that actually subversive bit in.

(MAD MAX: FURY ROAD wins.)

CECILY:  UGH BRITS don’t get to comment on diversity, fuck.

Best Makeup & Hairstyling

CECILY:  I….would get another mortgage for a Robbie/Leto sex tape. Just putting it out there, universe.

Best Cinematography

DEVON:  I would like a Rachel McAdams/Michael B. Jordan sex tape. I need to be able to identify with the characters.

CECILY:  He didn’t wear earrings! I guess on dudes they are called studs. Whatever, they usually look good.  I support male jewelry.

DEVON:  My dad had an earring.  He called it an earring.

CECILY:  Mine did as well. As did Steve! But he took them out before I met him.  Smartly chosen, it accentuates the beauty of the wearer!  Man, this show is boring! I can barely come up with stuff to make fun of.

DEVON:  Yeah, that’s why we’re talking about jewelry.

Black History Month Pre-Taped Bit

CECILY:  Okay, Angela Bassett was pretty good.

DEVON:  None of that was good!

CECILY:  But when she said “I’m Angela Bassett” and you could see the ocean of fury roiling beneath, that’s what I meant.

DEVON:  Junk.

CECILY:  I’m taking the moments that are not terrible! I gotta get through this!

DEVON:  If I saw that on YouTube, I would’ve thought it was from an episode of SNL she hosted.

CECILY:  Yep, that’s the exact caliber.

Best Sound Editing & Best Sound Mixing

CECILY:  Black Panther! And Cap!  Oh wait, he’s not Black Panther?

DEVON:  All they remind me of is that there’s going to be something better than this to see them in soon.

CECILY:  Marketing!

DEVON:  Marketing from the parent company.

CECILY:  He is Black Panther – I am arguing with myself!

DEVON:  I knew he was Black Panther, but I figured I’d let you argue with yourself.

CECILY:  Some days it’s like Gollum over here.  Loincloth days.  It’s like laundry day.

DEVON:  I think I saw a craigslist ad looking for that.

CECILY:  EWWWWWWW

DEVON:  Hahahaha.  That’s the first time I’ve laughed tonight.

CECILY:  Serkis inspires me – I did the same thing after watching King Kong, and my Martin Hannett impression is first fucking rate.

DEVON:  Did he inspire you to say EWWWWW because that’s what made me laugh.

CECILY:  No, that’s just me.  IM A COMEDY GENIUUUUUSSSS

DEVON:  I keep trying to tell you.

Best Visual Effects

CECILY:  SERKIS  !!!!!!!!!!!!  I’m psychic!!!!!

DEVON:  Also, that Martin Hannett line is going to be your Stacey Dash bit in terms of people getting it.  Can you predict a non-boring part of this show for us.

CECILY:  ……..  No. Unfortunately, unless it turns into Presenter Makeout Hour.

Some Star Wars bit, I guess

DEVON:  OH A PERFECT VOMIT TOPPING FOR THIS SHIT SUNDAE. THE ROBOTS FROM SPACE BATTLE TIME.

CECILY:  What did we call it? Space Fight?  We had something for this….

DEVON:  Yeah, I couldn’t remember.  Which is weird since we said it a LOT.

CECILY:  Space Puppets!

DEVON:  YES.  THE TITULAR SPACE PUPPETS AT THE OSCARS.

Chris Rock’s Daughters’ Girl Scout Troop bit

DEVON:  This is prop money, right. Because I would not bring any money with me to the Oscars.

CECILY:  All the women in this room (and some of the men) have been on liquid diets for the last week. These girls scout cookies are about to be INHALED.  I would! You have to tip people for stuff!

DEVON:  I was going to let you do that.

Best Animated Short Film

CECILY:  THE FUCKING MINIONS

DEVON:  Yeah, you took the words right out of my anger.

CECILY:  To be fair, their movie has a pretty good 60s hits soundtrack.

DEVON:  Fuck them. So does The Big Chill.

Best Song Nominee 2:  “Earned It”/The Weeknd

CECILY:  I like Kevin Hart’s suit. Sequins!

DEVON:  Why is so much of this An Evening at the Improv.

CECILY:  They might be bugles? A type of bead.

DEVON:  Here’s Silverman’s five minutes, here’s Kevin Hart’s five minutes.  Maybe Judy Tenuta’s going to introduce Lady Gaga.

CECILY:  I would also accept either Julie Brown.

Our Oscars Fantasy during Commercials

DEVON:  “I think this guy wants a tip, Cissy.” –Me at the Oscars.

CECILY:  I will be carrying a fabulous Judith Lieber clutch, stuffed with $5s and lipstick.

DEVON:  Me at the Oscars with three gift bags and no wallet.  Here’s the plan:  You pick your dress, you know whatever speaks to you. And then I will pick a tuxedo based on the color of that dress.

CECILY:  Of course! And because you are a black guy, you can get away with colors and/or embellishment!

DEVON:  YES.

Best Picture Package:  Bridge of Spies & Spotlight

DEVON:  Kate Winslet and her glasses!!!!!! Now nomination is code for erection.

CECILY:  Hahahaha!  My guess is her dress is….Armani Prive.

Chris Rock interviewing Black People Outside a Movie Theater in Compton bit

DEVON:  I usually hate Man on the Street bits, but this is pretty good.

CECILY:  Because people who volunteer for this have at least one bit they have worked on. Like, in their life.

DEVON:  I also love that most of the people at this ceremony might as well be watching a transmission from Mars.  Other than the nominated one.

CECILY:  Peggy Lee wig is going to get her own reality show!  Not the lady, just the wig.

DEVON:  JUST THE WIG CONGRATULATIONS YOU JUST WROTE A MR. SHOW SKETCH.

CECILY:  I knew I could do it!  I’d like to thank the Academy.

DEVON:  The Laughing Academy.

Best Supporting Actor

DEVON:  I like Tom Hardy, yet I don’t like many of his movies.  Maybe I just want to fuck him.

CECILY: I mean, yeah! I did like him in Peaky Blinders. What about him in Inception?

DEVON:  That is definitely the one I can think of off the top of my head that I liked.

CECILY:  And where he’s acting like the woman, rrrawrrrrr. It’s like, 30 seconds.  OF HEAT  I have this very long theory about receptive-style actors like him and Gosling, and that’s the basis of the lust furor around them.  And the receptive is usually coded as feminine, so layers! Gender weirdness in what would otherwise be regular old heterosexuality.

Best Documentary Feature

CECILY:  I really want to see Amy, but I’ll just cry all the way through.

(AMY wins and a familiar tune is played by the orchestra as the filmmakers walk to the stage…)

CECILY:  ALSO THEY’RE PLAYING REHAB  Way to not get it!  GOD STOP

DEVON:  That was the greatest moment of my life.  That was some tone deaf shit.

Chris Rock with the cookies again.

DEVON:  CECILY WE’RE STILL WATCHING THIS BECAUSE CHRIS ROCK IS DOING BITS ABOUT HIS DAUGHTERS’ GIRL SCOUT TROOP.

CECILY:  We may be reaching a critical mass of weirdness!

DEVON:  Just give out the trophies. God.

CECILY:  Also I’m going to bed in 10 minutes.

DEVON:  Yeah, no shit you are.  Jesus. These assholes.

In Memoriam

DEVON:  When I die, don’t let Dave Grohl sing fucking Blackbird.  Promise me that. Right now.

CECILY:  DON’T WORRY

DEVON:  He can sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight.

CECILY:  There’s no clapping?

DEVON:  When I’m on this, in 2066, it’s going to say, “Cissy, I think this guy wants a tip” under my picture. And everyone will applaud.

CECILY:  YESSSSS

More Commercials

DEVON:  I didn’t remember that the Oscars had their own Super Bowl style commercials.

CECILY:  Yep! It gets numbers compared to the Super Bowl among ladies.

DEVON:  Hahahaha.  I mean, I’m laughing at the truth of that.  It’s about as exciting as the Super Bowl, too.

CECILY:  YEAH  There’s not even a Cam Newton in this one to root for.  Ryan Coogler is at the Justice for Flint thing.

Best Song Nominee 3:  “Til It Happens to You”/Lady Gaga

DEVON:  JOE BIDEN. Is that Greg Kinnear. For best makeup award.

CECILY:  YESSSSSS

Best Original Score

CECILY:  Q was relating a Mandela anecdote to Pharrell when the music came up.

DEVON:  YESSSSSSSSS  “So I says to Nelson I says”

CECILY:  “Dybbuk-schmybbuk, I said more ham!”

DEVON:  “But more on that later!” turns to microphone.

CECILY:  Okay, it’s sleepy time.

DEVON:  Yeah, I’ll let you know what you missed. Not a goddamn thing.   This was fun, even when it wasn’t.

CECILY:  Exactly!  Holy shit, this is Morricone’s first win????

DEVON:  I THINK SO.  Now I know you won’t miss anything!

And she didn’t.  Neither did Devon, who turned it off and watched THE VENTURE BROS. instead. Go Team Venture!

CECILY: Okay! Let’s talk some more about the saddest Chosen One ever, Quentin Coldwater, ladies and gents!

DEVON:  Talk about a guy who fell in a pot of jam and instead of having a lovely breakfast, drowns.

CECILY:  So, following the precedent set by the first two episode discussion, we’re going to talk about the next two episodes, or as I like refer to them, Burn That Plot! and Buffy Did It Better.

DEVON:  As I like to refer to them, I Miss My Brother Charles, Y’All and Buffy Did It Better.

CECILY:  HAHAHAHA

DEVON:  By the way, episode three is titled “Consequences of Advanced Spellcasting”, because it’s an episode of Community, I guess.

CECILY:  WHERE WAS TROY OR WINGER THEN

DEVON:  Eliot is both.

CECILY:  Oh, good point! That’s why he’s my favorite.

DEVON:  I am definitely warming to him.  The lost book plot was very much a Troy plot.

CECILY:  And the avian books was very much a Harry Potter thing.

DEVON:  Yeah, of course. Of course it was.  Sidebar: when I saw part of the first Harry Potter movie, working at Blockbuster, I realized–kids would see their flying european car and think the steering wheel being on the other side was just part of the magic.

CECILY:  Ha! That didn’t occur to me! I feel like this is something my kids would ask me about, that I would then elucidate. But not every kid has a know-it-all mother. THEIR LOSS

DEVON:  YEAH SUCKERS

CECILY:  So, the a plot – in the book, Alice knows what happened to her brother, Eliot and Janet know the whole story, and you don’t meet Emily Greenstreet in person until a bunch of other shit happens. She’s not like, a pivotal character or anythng.

DEVON:  That makes sense. This show very much feels like a A.L. show. After Lost.  Everything has to be kind of a mystery and kind of obscured. Even when it doesn’t have to be at all.

CECILY:  Right! The fact that everyone knew about Alice’s brother makes her difficulties making friends a lot more reasonable, I thought. Show Alice just seems teenaged-angry in a way Book Alice did not.

DEVON:  Yeah! Carrying an unnecessary weight. Like a teenager would.

CECILY:  RIGHT  What did you think of Charlie the Niffin?

DEVON:   I liked that! Can I just say, for every narrative weakness I think this show has, it has two strong visual strengths. The visual design of a lot of the characters are great. Especially the ostensible villains.

CECILY:  Yes, I agree! Also, the portrayal of the niffin was basically straight from the books, and I also loved it.

DEVON:  The narrative weakeness in this case was that Alice apparently didn’t tell Quentin her full plan before taking him with her?

CECILY:  I felt like the weakness was that they didn’t totally explain the insanity of the niffin, and that there wasn’t really anything left of Charlie to reason with. They hinted at it, but outside of the book knowledge, it doesn’t really hold water.

DEVON:  Yeah, there’s that, too.

CECILY:  Can I tell you I like what they did with Penny in this episode? It fills in some stuff that was rather weirdly elided in the books.

DEVON:  That ties into my book question!

CECILY:  Ask away!

DEVON:  Do Penny and Quentin become buddy cops? These two episodes really gave me that vibe.

CECILY:  No, they remain antagonistic, but they don’t ever really team up. Quentin and Penny do kind of take turns ruining each other’s lives, though.

DEVON:  THAT SOUNDS COOL. This show seems to be going t’other way with it.

CECILY:  Like, neither of them is really at fault, but it takes some years before either of them are able to be cool with it.

DEVON:  But tell me more about what you like with Penny in this episode. Because I feel like we will be cowabunga on this.

CECILY:  So, I like that it adds something to the story that fills in a hole in the book. Penny’s discipline isn’t really explained in the book, and it’s kind of cool for the reader/watchers.

DEVON:  Ah! Yeah, his incorrectly deduced discipline at first. I liked that because I liked thinking about the students who were gravely injured because of a wrong discipline. I like how obviously dangerous this school is. There’s so many sideways stories from Brakebills School.

CECILY:  YES  I love the 90s college vibe of Brakebills, especially the psychics.

DEVON:  YEAH.  Let’s talk about these two teams! Quentin & Eliot and Alice & Margo. Because speaking of burning plot, Quentin & Eliot just basically happen to meet the Hedge Witches.

CECILY:  Yeah! Just wandered in, like there’s only one hedge witchery in NYC.

DEVON:  YES  I’m sure they’re more like Duane Reade.  What’s important here is that Quentin discovers Julia is all up in dat hedge. And here’s where some serious fucking negging comes in.

CECILY:  He was just so disapproving. Like all the guys at Calvin.

DEVON:  I was kind of with it up until it wasn’t I’m worried about my friend. It was I’m worried about my boner.

CECILY:  RIGHT – like this challenged his attraction to her? He was, for the first time, up a level on her and he DID NOT want to level that playing field.

DEVON:  YESSSSSSSSS. God. I wanted to kill him.  It was all worth it, though, for Eliot putting the box down in an exasperated way when he realized they weren’t leaving.  Sorry, El, this is what straights are like!

CECILY:  BREEDERS, UGH

DEVON:  HAHAHAHA

CECILY:  Okay, and then Alice and Margo. Still not really sure what the point of Margo is. Eliot is all “her discipline is gossip,” to which I wanted to respond, “Fine talk from a liberal arts grad student!”

DEVON:  YESSSSS  And the thing at the end, “Alice! I like competition…” was NOT earned.  All the time they had together was spent listening to someone else!

CECILY:  Like, tell us ANYTHING about Margo. Anything at all!

DEVON:  When Emily messed up her own face, before they showed it, my pulse started to race. But I knew you wouldn’t let me walk unarmed into a gross face unveiling.

CECILY:  See, I wasn’t really sure what they were going to show there!

DEVON:  Oh, yeah, I just meant because you watched it before I did.  But thankfully, it was so tame.  I mean, not tame if you’re the one with that mug, but otherwise.

CECILY:  And now on to….Buffy Did It Better, or The World in the Walls

DEVON:  Wait, wait, we have to just say….Alice leaves at the end of episode three!

CECILY:  Oh, right! I didn’t really take note of that, because, uh, Book Alice doesn’t leave!

DEVON:  You can tell that school is magic because she’d sit in those skirts without anyone knowing what religion she is.

CECILY:  Yep! Unless they create a magical gynocracy with Julia and Marina who blow Brakebills to bits. Idk, it could happen.

DEVON:  I’d rather watch that show.

CECILY:  HEDGE BITCHES: THE MOVIE

DEVON:  OVER THE HEDGE  We both agree that Buffy Did It Better but I get the feeling you may have liked it a little more than I did.

CECILY:  I did, because I liked the commentary that Quentin, somewhat unwittingly, unleashes on his classmates. Julia is getting married, Alice wants him but is cray-cray, Eliot is straight (?), and Penny is the role Aziz Ansari refused in that one episode of Master of None.  QUENTIN, YOU ARE GARBAGE

DEVON:  I was under the impression that Eliot was still gay, but also wanted him!  BECAUSE QUENTIN YOU ARE GARBAGE.

CECILY:  Well, Eliot does want Quentin, right?

DEVON:  At least the two black characters were doctors. ::puts feet on desk, leans back::

CECILY:  Happy Black History Month!

DEVON:  That’s a good question. Because I think Eliot wants Quentin in the sense that he’s a hedonist. But in the fantasy, it seemed like he wanted him in the same way Alice did.

CECILY:  And also that Eliot wanted Alice in the dream, right? There was motorboating, yes?

DEVON:  There was! But also, I think that’s just how Quentin sees a hedonist!  Scary people who have no sense of personal space.

CECILY:  Got it. Yeah, all the judgement, Quentin. I mean, he definitely saves some of it for himself, with the dreamed attack on his father.

DEVON:  But even that judgment seems so light in comparison!  “I have problems with my dad. And you get to sound like Apu.”

CECILY:  Also, if he’s going to get weird about his acquaintances, where is Anne Dudek as Stella Du Bois? C’MON, get weird, Quentin.

DEVON:  RIGHT.  Is Quentin’s relationship to his father expanded upon in the books? Because it felt like goofy shorthand in this episode.

CECILY:  Not really. In book 3, his dad dies of normal natural causes, and it’s sort of a vignette in the maturation of Quentin. But otherwise, his parent’s don’t figure in much before that.

DEVON:  Yeah, see, LITERALLY EVERYTHING INVOLVING PARENTAL STRIFE gets to me now. Not this, though. It was hollow as fuck.  I could buy him being made to think he hurt Julia putting him in a haze, but not this. There was nothing to hang my hat on.  The whole idea of him starting to believe it was sunk for me due to how strongly he didn’t believe it at the start.  I get that maybe the “pills” were supposed to be weakening his resolve, but that needed to be made much clearer if that were the case.

CECILY:  Yeah, it kept me off balance. Even though, duh, we know that this show is going for at least another season and a half! And it’s not in a damned asylum.

DEVON:  Yeah, that was the thing. At least Buffy was in season six, so we were like, “I mean…maybe?” But this is the fourth episode!  Here’s what I think, I think Quentin should’ve been super flippant about this whole thing. Until he realizes he can’t just get out of the dream. That would’ve been much better suspense than him thinking, “Maybe this IS real!!!!”

CECILY:  Right!  Julia and Marina were a hoot, though.

DEVON:  There were things I did like, though!  THEY ARE ONE OF THE THINGS.

CECILY:  I KNEW IT

DEVON:  Let’s steal their shit!  Also, I did think the Taylor Swift payoff was clever.

CECILY:  Yes!  What did you think about Jane Chatwin and the Fillory stuff?  I feel like they need to do more Fillory, but I’m not sure doing it in chunks is the way.

DEVON:  Yeah, I don’t like the spirit guide stuff. But I like the concept of her.

CECILY:  The alternative, of course, is just plopping a giant load of Fillory (because this is where all the threads are going, spoiler alert) as 20 minutes of unconnected-to-Quentin story in an episode.

DEVON:  Yeah, I mean, I feel like good shows do that. They have that episode that is totally outside the framework of the series.

CECILY:  I don’t know that this one is there yet, but if they wait too much longer, it’s going to be even more ill-fitting. So chunks it is!

DEVON:  Fillory would be this show’s everybody’s on speed episode.

CECILY:  Just go bananas, Jessie Spano!

CECILY:  Oh wait, you meant Mad Men.

DEVON:  Also, we’re talking about the fake dream asylum episode four episodes in, they don’t care if they’re there yet or not!

CECILY:  GOOD POINT

DEVON:  I did, but as far as quality, yes, this show is closer to Saved By The Bell.

CECILY:  Quentin is so excited AND so scared.  As is Julia.

DEVON:  Mr. Belding just expelled her!  That, I also liked a lot. That was the first ending where I felt like I wanted to know more.  Since I obviously care more about what happens to Julia than I do Quentin.

CECILY:  Oh yeah, she has the vastly more interesting story! I feel like they are doing a good job at setting up what needs to happen to her,even if occasionally, it feels like placesetting.

DEVON:  And Marina!  I liked that her memories were in a box. That’s the sort of thing *I* like in magic/supernatural stuff. The abstract made concrete.

CECILY:  Unless she was just telling Julia something that would ease Julia into a more morally flexible path, and was just stealing something else?  That’s kind of what I thought. Like, book Brakebills didn’t have that kind of magic on campus.

DEVON:  Yeah, maybe. It had her name on it, so it’s still good enough for me.  BUT MAYBE THAT’S NOT EVEN HER NAME  Like, no joke, I just realized when you said that…why am I trusting anything Marina is saying?!

CECILY:  EXACTLY

DEVON:  Especially when talking to Julia.

CECILY:  So, do you have any predictions for the rest of the season?

DEVON:  Oh, God. Somebody gets blown to Bermuda?