Oh sure, the health care bill thankfully passed the house, but only on a very narrow 220-215 vote.
But eh, given the way these mo’s work shit out, it’s a wonder anything gets done!

Get ready for the five most frustrating minutes I’ll ever give you …

Well slip me the tongue and call me protected!

I have been saved by the smooch!!

Some big brain over in Britain did some super serious scientifical researchification and discovered that “female inoculation with a specific male’s cytomegalovirus is most efficiently achieved through mouth-to-mouth contact and saliva exchange, particularly where the flow of saliva is from the male to the typically shorter female.”

Which is really just a big ol’ fancified $20 way of saying swapping spit can stop my sweet ass from getting sick!
Now I know why it is that I so very rarely get ill …

I’ve been innoculated by nookie!
::: and I LIKE it!! :::

I AM A MEDICAL MIRACLE!!!

I’M GONNA LIVE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!

::: suckit sickos!! :::

Dr. Colin Hendrie of the University of Leeds says that smoochin’ on the same person for about six months provides the best protection.
::: I have soooo met that quota! :::

“As the relationships progresses and the kisses become more passionate, the woman’s immunity builds up, cutting her odds of becoming ill,” a report in the journal Medical Hypotheses states.

Flu shot, schmooo shmot — I am so healthy I don’t even need that shit!!!

I’m gonna go drink for 30 hours straight, get high on paint fumes, run with scissors and tear up the organ donor card, ‘cuz I’m here for the duration, bitches!

HAHAHAHAHA YEEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

Hey hey Mr. Cookie! Bring those live savin’ lips back over here, babe!

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Just occasionally, every now and then, you run across a story highlighting a shining, glittery human example of class, compassion and composure.

This is not one of those.

This is a story highlighting outrageous idiocy, indignation and irritation of epic proportions.
You know, the kind of shit we LOVE here at LIAC!!

Subway riders got a little girl-on-girl action this week, but not the kind you get to use your safe word with.
::: sadz :::

Two bitches got their brawl on while rolling southbound on New York’s D train because one of them didn’t think covering her cootie-spew was worth a good goddamn.

Which is the precise moment in time when Patty Pandemic piped up that Holly Hacksalot better wrap her disease-ridden trap the next time she felt the urge to expectorate all over the gat damn place!

And the piping persisted as perturbed Patty’s pissiosity precipitously progressed!
::: If you’re reading out loud – you prolly shoudda covered your mouth on that line! Just sayin’ :::

She “continued to yell at the cougher, berating her until she reacted, beginning to curse back,” one witness said. “It escalated, and the accosting woman yelled ‘get the conductor!’”

Eh, but no one did.
And why would they really?
Ringside fight tickets ain’t cheap, yo!

As the train pulled into the station, Holly Hacksalot had had enough – so she did what anyone with no manners or sense of decency, civility or style would do.
She spat ol’ Pat with her gak-filled spew.
::: cue the eww :::

Which is when Patty did just what you thought she’d do by promptly getting her punch and pull on.

“Then the cougher attempted to exit the train as the doors were opening, but the second woman grabbed her by the back of the hair, violently yanking her down to the floor.”
::: Hackey SACK! :::

But, alas - the fun couldn’t last forever and eventually those tricks would go their separate ways … to infect and abuse entire and whole new audiences.
::: That SNOT right!:::

But Holly better watch her step the next time she gets a hankering to hawk one up because the other passengers had Patty’s back on subway scuffle, remarking that Hacksalot “wasn’t even covering her mouth,” [hate that ho] and that they could have cold decked the cougher too because, after all, “that swine flu is treacherous.”

So what have we learned today kiddies?
Manage your malaise or prepare for payback.

We all ok now?
Good. Now go wash your hands.

SOURCE

Well, it IS obvious, after all … FOX SUX

What in funkified fucky-times hell is going on in South Carolina!?

If it’s not their hornytoad hypocrit of a governor out there gettin’ his ‘hike’ on, it’s idiot employees in their attorney general’s office out there gettin’ their creepily, kinked up copulation on!

Meet Roland Corning. —–>
Corning likes to spend quiet evenings in South Cackalackee cemeteries with 18-year-old strippers, a shitload of sex toys, some Viagra for good measure and a whole lotta ‘It’s OK, officer. See my official AG’s office badge!? You can go now.’ when the popo come poking around his perverse little playground.
::: Bow Chicka Bow EWWWWW!!! :::

But frealz – looking at Corning, I totally get why he goes for God’s acre as his pickup joint of choice. The competition is DEAD, yo!

Oh, but we I shouldn’t judge.
HAHAHAHAHA – that’s a joke.
Of COURSE I should!

But no.
I mean, after all – it’s not just his playground.

Palmetto Staters firmly flathand the ‘go for sex’ switch straight away – as long as they can get their ass grabbery on in a graveyard, that is!
::: Statewide Romance FAIL :::

And, lest you think otherwise – Corning wasn’t there just to fornicate around the flat and the festering.
Noooo. That was just his hoped-for outcum.

See, according to the police report, that sick slut says he always carries Viagra and sex toys, you know, “just in case.”

Because, well, shyeaaahh!
WHO DOESN’T, right?
::: uhhhh, most everyone?!? :::

Oh but this is too delish!
And South Carolina better watch out!
If it’s not careful it may just overtake Florida and Alabama as the kookiliciously cretinified capitals of America!
(Don’t feel left out Texas! Your crazyass cheerleaders earned you a permanent honorable mention in that category ages ago!)

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If police protection was rationed run like health care:

This is a Top-20 finalist in the Organizing For America health care reform video contest. Want to see more?
::: Of course you do! :::

Check ‘em out here and vote for your fave!

And, if you want to know more about how our current health care system (and lack of public option) affects REAL people in our country – check out WriteChic Press and search her fantabulous blog using the term ‘Eric De La Cruz’.
::: You’ll want to have a hanky ready to dry your eyes and a pillow ready to practice your legislative face-punch :::

Trick or Treat
Take a seat
‘Cuz pretty soon
You’ll feel the heat

Your head will burn
Your bod will ache
You’ll wonder what
You’ll have to take

To bid adieu
To the big ACHOO!
That’s coming through
‘Cuz I just gave you SWINE FLU!

(let’s be careful out there this weekend kiddies)

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Adam Manning don’t know nothin’ ’bout birthin’ no babies, but that bitch for DAMN sure knows how to get his Bud on!

The 30-year-old first-time father-to-be brought his baby mamma to the emergency room of Utah’s McKay-Dee Hospital to get her birth on when his beady, bloodshot eyes spied nurse hotty-totty and he lost his gat DAMN mind!
::: Daddy DOUCHE! :::

He is reported to have ‘looked her up and down’, commented on how attractive she was and told her she was ‘cute’.
::: Devoted Dad / Protective Partner / Mature Male FAIL FAIL FAIL!!! :::

The nurse apparently ignored his inebriated advances and moved to the other side of mom’s wheelchair, preparing her to go to the delivery room.

Not one to take a turn-down lightly, Manning then told the nurse that she had something wrong with her neck and that he would !!RED FLAG RED FLAG!! massage it for her.

And by ‘massage’ he meant he was gonna get his grope on in the general area of her boobages.
::: ee-ERR ee-ERR :::

When the R(eally)N(ot impressed gropee) asked what
inthegoddamnedfuckinghell
he was doing, Manning’s wife or girlfriend or enabler or whatever she is responded that he was ‘just drunk’.
::: FUN FACT: That’s not ‘just’ drunk – THAT is ‘piss’ drunk! :::

The Ogden Police were called and promptly booked the nurse booby-grabber on charges of felony forcible sexual abuse.

And if you didn’t figure it out by now — yes, he missed the birth of his first child.

Now THAT’S a baby story the whole family will enjoy sharing for generations!!

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And – if convicted – I hope that these sick chicks get there ASAP and that their blood boils continuously, their flesh burns eternally and they are forced into forever fuckey times with the business end of Satan’s pitchfork!

That might be fitting punishment … I’m not sure.

The SB’s involved are teacher’s aides Kristina Marie Kallies and Julie Ann Parish (that’s Parish right there … Kallies is somewhere in Texas, maybe).

As part of their jobs, they are charged with helping to educate and care for the precious cargo under their control.

As part of some truly heinous allegations that have surfaced, they are now also charged with felony assault and a misdemeanor slap of endangering the welfare of at least one of the precious packages they were supposed to protect.

And just what did they do?

Well, according to court docs, these bitches fucking WATER-BOARDED a 13-year-old autistic child who cannot speak, forced him to sit in soiled pants for hours and made him eat his own vomit when he got sick.
::: Beelzebitches! :::

Garrett Schilling’s mother Tifonie said she learned of the alleged abuse in April 2008, when another staff member sent her an e-mail warning her about the asshatted teacher’s aides.

She wrote: “He was having water-boarding-like torture done to him on a frequent basis. They were holding his head under the water.”
::: If he’s my son, this is where I’d have to be forcibly restrained from gettin’ 20 kinds of mutilationay medieval on someone’s ass :::

Maria Bubb, a substitute teacher in Garrett’s classroom in October and November of 2008, said in court documents that the staff was “mean and degrading” to Garrett, and that Kallies would “point her finger in his face and scream at him.”

Other teachers testified that they saw Garrett’s head held under running water and witnessed him being forced to sit in his feces for hours.

And as if that wasn’t bad enough?! – the parents of at least five other children at the school say their kids were abused as well.

– Molly Gillis says her daughter came home from the school ‘on numerous occasions with bite marks, bruises, burnt fingertips and missing hair.’
– The Saali family say their daughter was ‘hit with pens’ leaving her with ‘welts on her neck’. The family also allege their daughter was hit on the head with a pan.
– And the Pepos family says they are ninety-kinds of certain their son spent time locked in a closet.

The Cascade County Attorney’s Office said the investigation remains ongoing and more charges could follow.

Whatever happens, the monstrous Montana menaces better consider themselves fuckin’ lucky as hell that it wasn’t MY kid they tortured, ‘cuz we’d have nipped that shit in the bud from the get-go with a pair of pinking shears, some rubbing alcohol and a whole lotta dry towel swallowage!
::: just sayin’ :::

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