Not only is being a working mom still kicking my ass but, my house is fall apart, laundry is reproducing, and my commute officially begins at 6:30 in the morning.

I don’t know how much longer I can survive like this.

I returned to the workforce last Monday. Overall, it was a good first week. Dillon is transferring into daycare easier than I thought and getting up at 5:30am is slowly getting less painful.

I have a few posts coming up that will go into more detail because I have two very important things I need to say: Being a working mom makes me a better mom. Also, I am learning to be more grateful for what we have, I am learning to take a step back and look at just how lucky we are as a family.

I got word today that those in management like me and they would put together an offer to present me with in the next few weeks, which is great. Three months of parking at ten bucks a day is pretty expensive when you’re a temp.

And in other news: I finally found a great job! It’s a great job that pays well, pertains to my interests and seem to not have any dysfunctional people working in their office. I start tomorrow.

It is bittersweet to return back to work. Part of me is very excited because I love what I do (Toxic Tort Litigation) and I love having Dillon in daycare (even though I still feel panicky about it) for the social interaction. Oh and the extra pocket change doesn’t hurt.

I will miss being a SAHM (don’t let anyone lie to you, it is the hardest job. Ever.). Dillon can be quite the cuddlebug and I will miss all my one on one time with him. But, he is closing in on 2 and it’s getting pretty dang difficult to keep up with him without going completely insane.

I hope that returning to work and forming a life of my own outside of these four walls will help me be a happier person.

Produce typically stays fresh long enough for me to cook with it (lettuce is a problem, though).

1. Grilled chicken tacos with fresh corn salsa served with spanish rice

2. Chicken spaghetti (always in rotation – a personal Pioneer Woman favorite)

3. Leftovers

4. Sushi with iceberg salad (my second attempt into making sushi)

5. Crockpot pulled pork bbq sandwiches w/ onion rings

6. leftovers

7. Mini beef wellingtons with some kind of potato dish

8. Big salad with baked potatoes

9. Herb-marinated chicken breasts over orrichete pasta

10. Crockpot roast beef with mashed potatoes

11. Roasted chicken with brussel sprouts

12. leftovers

13. Buffalo chicken pizza (a food blog sensation)

14. Homemade stromboli

I LOVE cooking breakfast on the weekends. I usually make cheese grits for Dill and I and eggs for the husband. But, I think I will make some breakfast burritos this weekend.

I am also hosting a playdate next week, I think I will pick up some hummus and other yummy things.

I have applied for dozens of jobs and finally got a call back yesterday. Next week, I have an interview scheduled with a law firm in downtown Baltimore. I’m excited for this position, I loved working in the legal field and I feel that it is what I do best, professionally speaking.

In the past, I have always “aced” job interviews. Almost every interview I have done, I have been offered the job. Until I met the chiropractor.

I found an ad for a clerical type position in a doctor’s office and was lucky enough to be interviewed. 3 times. The 2nd interview was a working interview, which I felt went well. The 3rd interview was a series of multiple choice tests, 2 of which were timed.  The first test was a 200 question personality type ordeal. Why they would want know if I would kill an animal to put it out of it’s misery, I don’t know.

I guess I gave ’em the wrong answer because all I ever got from them was a $15.00 check for the hour I worked. There was nothing with it. Just a check. No rhyme or reason for not hiring me. No explanation. Nothing.

So, I guess I am a little nervous this time. The law office is at the inner harbor and I absolutely love that area. I picture myself walking around in the summer time, during my lunch break, sipping on a java chip frap and watching the sea gulls fly by.  See, I told you I was a big loser.

Anyway – I am going to hope for the best.

• I can successfully use the metro in DC without panicking over which train to use
• I am a much better driver on the interstate
• I know my way around better than I would have ever expected
• I don’t get panicky and sweaty while driving in downtown traffic

Doesn’t look like much but, I feel like I have come a long way in such a short amount of time. Thankfully, God blessed me with a pretty good internal GPS system and getting around is much easier. I am slowly handling the traffic better and have stopped hitting my steering wheel when I get cut off.

I have to say, I am more homesick than ever. And, all of this cold weather certainly doesn’t help. For my birthday, I received a plane ticket from Kyle to fly home for a week. Well, that week turned into 2 weeks. I didn’t realize how much I missed home until I got there. I missed the familiar faces of my family and the warm hugs of my girlfriends. I missed the southern charm of people and the certain twang that can only be found in country music..and sweet tea. I drank lots of sweet tea.

I think adjusting to life in Maryland would be easier if I had something for myself – a job, a social life, girlfriends…something. I feel like everything is falling apart and I just can’t get life back on track. I keep job hunting and nothing promising turns up and I just don’t understand.

I am trying to make mom friends, though. I’m actually hosting a play group at my house in a few weeks.

I try so hard to remain positive and look for the good in things. I usually find myself more disappointed than anything but, it’s something that I am really trying to work on as a person. At the end of the day, it doesn’t feel like it’s enough.

But, you know what?

When I am driving around in awful traffic and Lynard Skynard comes on, I smile and laugh at myself..somehow I know that one day, everything will be okay.

2010 brought big changes and firsts to our family: Dillon celebrated his first year of life, we celebrated our first wedding anniversary, I became a SAHM FT, and we moved to Maryland.  Oh, I really sucked at blogging.

I’m usually not one to makes big New Year’s Resolutions and I certainly never follow through. I hope to change that this year.  Aside from the given “lose weight and get healthy” resolution I always make, I want to try something new this year.

I want to commit a random act of kindness everyday.

It can be as tiny as genuinely complimenting a stranger or as big as volunteering somewhere for a day.

We live in a crazy world, we’re always so busy and so consumed with our own lives to think about what is going on around us – I am guilty of it, too.  When a stranger goes out of their way to do something kind, I am usually blindsided by the kindness. I want to start living my life that way. Do I have plans to become a saint and change the world? Of course not. Ideally, I would want my children to grow up in a perfect world with no crime, hate, poverty, or war but, it’s just not going to happen. However, I fully believe in karma. And, maybe..just maybe..if I help the elderly lady load groceries into her car, someone will do the same for me or my son one day or it could hopefully inspire a passerby to do the same.

So, I am making this my 365 project: One Small Act.

Hello 2011.

And, I am about to embark on a new experience…saleswoman.

Moving to Maryland has proven to be difficult, especially finding a decent job. After a short stint in a defense attorney’s office, I accepted a position with Aflac.

Y’all..I just don’t know.

I’ve never sold anything except cups of coffee and food in my life. Yes, I feel like I have the personality to sell insurance..maybe. I don’t know. This is going to be a new experience. I keep muttering I don’t know to myself and I do believe I am starting to lose it.

I can’t even go into all of the details but, from what I have read..starting out is very difficult and I know this is going to put a strain on Kyle and I. I just need to hope for success and the best outcome in this new endeavor. We’ll have to budget down to every penny until I start receiving commission checks (hello ramen noodles!) ugh – I feel like I am about to throw up.

All I want for Christmas is a day that I don’t have to worry about anything (but that isn’t how adulthood works, right?). I am tired of worrying about money, my lack of “professional” clothes, my weight and if I am forgetting stuff? You know that panicky feeling of omfgiamsupposedtodosomethingwhatwasit? Yea, I live with that everyday. Every minute of the day. Do they make a pill for that? Surely to God it ain’t normal. And, I am sure that diving into a commission based position ain’t gonna help matters. I just don’t know. I’ve applied for jobs out the ying yang up here. And, like driving here, finding a job is darn tough.

Driving is a nightmare for me. I dread even going to the mothereffing grocery store.

This has turned into more of an I hate Maryland and I want to go home post. OMG, when will it get easier?

Insurance saleswoman? Everyone loves a southern girl – right?

Oh wait – I do.

My car was towed, we’ve been sick, Dillon isn’t handling daycare well, I started a new job, and Kyle brought more stuff for the house from Indiana (not that I am complaining, the IL’s gave us GREAT stuff!)

I’ll share it all this weekend.

It’s not heights.

It’s not losing a loved one.

It’s something being “wrong” with Dillon.

From the beginning of my pregnancy, this new fear has planted itself deep within my heart. Thankfully, we’ve been blessed with a healthy baby. Unfortunately, when your child is born, the fear of something happening is greater.

In my eyes, Dillon is a very intelligent child. As an infant, he reached most milestones early (rolling over, holding head up). When he started solid foods, he took it like a champ. When we took him off of the bottle? He took it like a champ. We just quit using them one day. He started walking right before turning 13 months and his first word was “dada” around 11 months.

Since beginning to talk, Dillon has built quite the little vocabulary. Everything was “this” and he’d point to it when he wanted something. All drinks were “juice”. I am “mama” and Kyle is “dada”. The “dog” is “Major (or jer)” and they like to play “ball”.

He was a jabber box up until a few weeks ago. Now? He’s stopped talking.

And, it’s freaking me out pretty badly.

He does still say “mama” clear as a bell. He will say “dada” when he wants. The rest? History.

It’s finally dawned on me within the past several days that he’s only jabbering now. We’re in between pediatricians and not sure of what we’re going through is normal, I started asking other moms. I got varying answers but, another mom friend of mine says her son is going through something similar and it started with him when he started getting his 4 molars. Well, Dillon’s 4 molars are in the process of coming in, too. So, maybe there is a link?

Dillon knows how to snap buckles, including his carseat chest clip (which drives me insane). He tries to put on his shoes. He can feed himself with a fork and points to things he wants. I know in my heart he’s a very bright baby but, I just don’t know why he’s stopped talking. I’m sick to my stomach thinking about it.

We see our new pediatrician next month and this is the first thing I am going to address with her. In the meantime, I will continue working with Dillon and pray for the best. My goal in life is for Dillon to grow up to be a successful, intelligent person. And, if something is wrong with him – something that I could have prevented, I don’t know what I will do with myself.

Does anyone have an input? Has anyone gone through a similar situation?