I grew up very achievement-oriented. I learned to measure my own self-worth through my number of achievements and to be constantly comparing myself to others in order to know if I was succeeding, and therefore worthy. When I became a parent, I vowed to be different. I believe that the most important factor in parenting is who you are, not what you say or what you do. I want to teach my kids that winning accolades isn’t the measure of a worthwhile life. I still struggle with this because I myself still measure my own worthiness at times by my list of goals completed, money earned, and recognition received. So I continue to work on this, for my own benefit and for theirs, and I’ve come face to face with it again sooner than I thought, with the girls in kindergarten and first grade. 

I don’t share my feelings with the kids, or my friends – I try to stay positive, but this anxiety about being mediocre repeats in my inner monologue, as I fix lunches for us on a Sunday afternoon. As they chatter in the kitchen about what they want for lunch, I half listen, instead searching their lives and recent activities for approbation for me. I come up empty handed, and I feel the gloom set in. I sit down for lunch, and when one of them asks for milk, I am annoyed at the very reasonable request. All the spinning in my head doesn’t allow me to be fully present with them, and I feel the loss of connection as we talk but I’m not all there. 

After lunch, as is often the case, the girls decided they want to do something from our well-stocked art closet. I had placed a few smooth rocks in there for them to paint weeks ago, and on Sunday, that’s what they choose. They decide to paint on the front porch so that we could enjoy the beautiful day. Turning over the smooth rocks in my hands and using the markers to paint lively patterns on the rocks brings me back to the moment by forcing me to pay attention to the now by choosing a color, deciding on a pattern, and feeling my hands work. The sunshine lifts my spirits, and we have a lively conversation discussing what designs we would each paint on our rocks. 

While painting, the girls look out into the yard and we notice the fairy garden that I created a couple of years ago has fallen into disrepair, covered in leaves. The girls decide that they wanted to clean out the abandoned fairy garden so the fairies would come back and visit and they could put their newly painted rocks in the garden to welcome the fairies back. I stifle my irritation because I don’t want to listen to them argue and complain about how much work it would be to shovel out all the leaves and quit halfway through, but I swallow my doubts and dutifully got a shovel and a trash bag to gather up the leaves. 

Much to my surprise, the girls shovel leaves, wielding the heavy shovel and dumping pile after pile of leaves into the bag. We realize that if we just shovel all the leaves that we would also shovel the little fairies, sparkly rocks, and treasures that make the fairy garden special. The girls suggest that we create a rotation of one person shoveling, one person holding the trash bag, and one person digging out rocks and other fairy garden decorations. Each of us took our turn at each of the three jobs, rotating every few minutes. It took us a little over two hours of hard work.  

There may be no trophies for cleaning out the fairy garden, but I can see the lovely people they are in the work they did and joy they can find in that labor of love. The experience of working side by side with them to shovel leaves is exactly what my momma soul needs to remember that I can follow my vision, teach them to work for what they want, to embrace creative pursuits, to care for their spirit, and to be good to each other. Providing the materials and standing next to them is all I have to do. Following their lead takes us places we can’t go if I try to lead. And so I am proud of them, and of me too, for persevering in my hope of giving them a richer and wider perspective of how to live a worthwhile life.

— 

As I read the comments on this thread, I started thinking about all the various ways to look at these events. Does a father-daughter dance lack inclusivity in our modern world with families with so many different structures? Does a family dance take away an opportunity to work toward more shared parenting responsibilities and miss an opportunity to highlight the impact of fathers? As I try to think about leading my family in a way that models gender equality and shared parenting, I found myself going around and around, seeing both sides. Let me explain —

Earlier this in February, the girls went to the Daddy-Daughter dance in Round Rock. It was all fancy dresses and tuxedos and … gender roles. Girls wear fancy dresses, men wear tuxedos or suits or whatever. The girls are trying to be ladylike, and exploring the idea of what a lady is like. As elementary age kids, the girls are literally trying on a version of womanhood through activities like these where we set up the expectations for what girls should look like, act like, and enjoy. I have mixed feelings about this whole approach, because I believe that being female can present in a lot of ways and they don’t all look girly. Although of course, if you are into girly, cool. But a wide variety of examples of what it means to be a woman are more helpful in visualizing what adult womanhood is like – to help them to find their own version of who they will be. And while certainly part of the fun is the chance to dress up and be girly, that’s also not a very wide view of womanhood.

The Father-Daughter dance forces dads to take center stage, and in some cases, this is necessary to get dads on board with being the lead parent for the evening or the event. The mom gets to stay home in her pajamas (or whatever, but really, staying home in your pajamas is basically the best – highly recommend). Whether it’s driven by cultural ideas of motherhood or a lack of expectation on the part of fathers, in many cases, the mom is the driver of the decision around parenting and coordinates most of the family outings and events. A Father-Daughter dance gives dads a place to shine. It shifts the dynamic of the family to a father-led parenting model, at least for the evening. Opportunities to lead build confidence and regular involvement promotes more involvement. I feel you can argue that a Father-Daughter dance does in fact promote equal parenting by upping the father’s involvement and spotlighting the dad. Success begets success, so maybe if a father attends the dance, he will come home and seek more opportunities for connection and time with his daughters beyond the annual dance.

If I put my feminist glasses on, this focus on traditional gender stereotypes is not promoting an inclusive atmosphere where girls can envision growing up to be women of varying types – girly or not, straight or not, fancy or not, ladylike or not. It’s a very straightforward princess vision of what it means to be a girl, and what it means to be a man. It also excludes, or at least highlights the absence even if someone steps in to fill the role for the evening, people without fathers, which is a lot of people actually. By its very nature, it’s exclusive, only for dads and daughters.

This weekend, we went to the family dance at the girls’ elementary school. It was Disney themed – so no fancy dresses required. Or tuxedos. I’m not surprised at all that the elementary school has a family dance. Family Dance is a more inclusive approach to a dance for elementary school – no matter what your family is, how many parents you have, or what gender your parents are, family dance is for you. And a Disney theme allows you to interpret it however you want. Dress up like a princess or a superhero. Or something else entirely (I went as Jessie from Toy Story). Our elementary school is very mindful about equity and inclusiveness (something I really like about the school).

Both had lots of snacks and treats – candy, brownies, cupcakes galore. Because let’s be honest, that’s really at least half of what the kids like about these events.

On the other hand, a family dance is for everyone, with whatever kind of family you have. But, I would guess in most cases in a more traditional family, the mom plans the outfits for the dance, buys the tickets, and volunteers at the event. And so a family dance is for everyone, but it doesn’t have the same opportunity for dads to shine and for moms to get out of the way. In order to get dads to take on more of the hidden decision making responsibilities of parenting, as moms, we have to get out of the way sometimes.

As we work toward more equitable parenting, it’s not always easy to see what actually promotes more equity. Is it creating space for dads to take the spotlight and the lead? Or is it creating equitable opportunities without gender expectations where everyone brings themselves to the party in whatever way they want?

Perhaps there is plenty of space for both.

I picked her up around the same time (still not going to take an absence for this). I’m not sure if I’m a great role model for the girls in learning the rules and making them work for me, or a terrible influence in demonstrating how to work the system, but I just have to be myself, and I am pretty good at understanding the rules and then bending them to let me do what I want. So….?

Anyway, I picked her up from school and she was bouncing off the walls with excitement. What are we going to do today? I had purposely not told her in advance because Harper can get a little hyper focused on the details of a plan and then start to try to take it over. When she got in the car, I handed her her planner. Yes, my seven year old has a planner. She loves to use her planner. That girl loves a plan!

I told her what we were going to do for the day, and she diligently wrote it all down. She was extra pleased because it all fit in the square for the day and she didn’t run out of room, but the square was completely filled. Just the right amount of activities.

We headed off to lunch at Maggiano’s. They have a revolving door, which Harper loves. They have pasta. We got to sit in a big fancy booth. It was great! We did the kids activity page together while we waited for our food – calamari to share, spaghetti for her, a salad for me. It was actually pretty good.

Then we drove to Jumpstreet. We played dodgeball and ran races. I taught her how to play HORSE in the basketball area. After an hour, we were tired and ready for a break. We stopped in the photo booth and snapped some pictures, and then we were off for the next adventure.

We headed to Paige’s Bakehouse to eat snacks and play games. I had packed a variety of things to do with Harper, including a new game, Clue Junior. She loved playing Clue Junior, so we played four times. I had some coffee, and we did a page in the Mom and Me Art Journal that we share. Harper invented an activity where we wrote notes to each other and passed them back and forth. We used the animal drawing book to learn to draw some new animals. We stayed for three hours! In the middle somewhere, we each had a cookie, and we ordered a cake to pick up on Saturday for my dad’s belated birthday celebration.

We went to the hotel to check in, and we ended up in the room next door. Harper had asked me lots of questions about what I did with Ruthie, and I tried to answer but keep the focus on our day together. After we checked in, Harper decided that she wanted to just play pretend games in our hotel room instead of swim. So I agreed to play family and “court” (which was hilarious, because Harper has NO idea how court works and it required me to explain the criminal justice system in kid terms…not sure how well I did). I don’t love to play pretend games like that, but it made her so happy.

Then it was time to head to dinner. We walked to the same pizza place I went with Ruthie, and we ordered the same thing. During dinner, we played lots of games of hangman. Harper hasn’t really figured out that shorter hang man words are actually harder, and she kept picking long phrases or full sentences, which I would get quickly, much to her chagrin.

A shower, then we found Game of Games to watch before bed. She loves Game of Games, and since we don’t have regular tv, it’s a real treat.

The morning was a repeat of Ruthie’s morning – a little PBS Kids, hotel breakfast and then off to school!

I finished this day resolved to spend time with each girl one on one more often, because it’s so great to have that experience together. They are so close to each other, but the dynamic of each of them is so different when they are apart. One of the bloggers I enjoy following, Merrick’s Art, does one on one dates with her kids for an hour each week. Just one hour each – it sounds short, and sometimes they just go to the gas station for snacks, but I think it’s a brilliant idea and I’m going to try to do it more often. I’m grateful to live in a time where I can get so many great ideas from other moms, both those I know in person and those who share their ideas online.

I did Ruthie’s staycation first. It worked better for us to do the staycation during the week because our weekends are so busy, so I had to try to fit it into the school schedule. I found a hotel in Round Rock that had an indoor pool, which I thought would be a fun treat in February. I picked her up at school at 10, right after attendance so our little vacay didn’t cost her a school absence. I told her she could pick one thing to do, and I would plan the rest. Much to my surprise, she chose to dye her hair purple. I have no idea where she came up with that, but after checking the school dress code (it’s okay), I told her we could do it. I packed some old towels in the suitcase along with the pool toys, and off we went to Ulta to find some purple dye.

We stopped off for a quick lunch at Chick-fil-a, and we were the only ones there, which was so weird! We chatted and started to get into a groove of hanging out just the two of us. Ruthie is so sweet and flexible that she’s easy to be with.

We checked in to our hotel room early, and I started reading the instructions on the dye. I needed gloves to protect me from having purple hands, and thankfully the hotel housekeeping staff had some. The receptionist didn’t ask any questions, but I wonder what she thought I was going to do with one pair of disposable gloves. That can’t be a common request, and I didn’t explain.

We were very careful to not get dye everywhere, which is not that easy with a five year old. She was impatient so I put the color in as quickly as I could, knowing that it would probably have been more even if I had taken more time, but whatever, she’s only five.

We rinsed it out, and there it was – my little Ruthie with purple hair. It suited her somehow and was super cute!

Then she was ready to play, so we headed off to Main Event to play arcade games and mini golf. Mini golf with Ruthie is pretty casual – we just randomly hit the ball toward the hole and take turns hitting one ball. There was no scorekeeping, and I think she had much more fun that way.

I thought it would have been fun to take her to the Melting Pot, next door to Main Event, but they didn’t open until 5, and we wanted to swim! So we stopped for some frozen yogurt instead.

Then we headed back to the hotel, and got ready to play in the pool. I had brought a mermaid Barbie, a pool noodle, a kick board, and a water ball. We had fun making up mermaid shows with the Barbie, playing catch, and just swimming around. I warned Ruthie that getting her hair wet would probably make the color come out, and she tried to keep it dry, but again, she’s five! So the bottom of her hair is dark blonde now, and the top is purple.

We changed for dinner, and we could walk, which isn’t something that is normally an option in car-centric Round Rock. We had a giant pretzel and some pizza for dinner, and more chatting and coloring together.

Before bed, Ruthie and I snuggled and watched some cartoons together. She was so annoyed by the commercials and kept asking me to skip them — I had to explain how tv worked since all she knows is Netflix.

In the morning when she woke up, I let her watch PBS kids while she got ready. The girls are never allowed to watch tv in the morning before school, so this was a fun treat for her. We headed down to eat the hotel breakfast together, and then it was off to school.

This experience reminds me how much it nourishes me as a mom to slow down and just appreciate one kid at a time, hear their thoughts uninterrupted by a sibling, and relax. All we had to do was go with the flow and have fun and be together. It was so special for me, and I think for her too. She told me it was the best Christmas gift ever!

I stumbled across Journy last year, and we tried it out for our family trip to Chicago. We had done a trip to LA a few months before we went to Chicago, and with all the figuring out our plans and coordinating what everyone wanted, I didn’t have as much fun as I had hoped. It’s not as fun to be frantically searching for a lunch place when everyone is hungry and telling you what they do and do not want to eat. So for Chicago, I decided we would try out Journy, to see if that might make the trip more relaxing for me and still fun for everyone. I booked the hotel and the flights, but they planned the rest of our trip. It wasn’t perfect – once they sent us to a restaurant that was closed (we found another one nearby). But, overall, they created a trip plan that worked well for our family, and all I had to do was answer a few questions up front about our preferences and interests, and then review the proposed itinerary. They load your itinerary into an app for you, so it’s very easy to follow it during your trip.

They have two options, one where they plan the trip out for you but you make all the bookings, and one where they plan the trip and make the bookings. We have a trip planned to Mexico City coming up with the kids, my dad, and our au pair Anastasia. This time, since I know very little about Mexico City, we asked them to plan the trip and make the bookings. We reserved our own flights and selected an air bnb from the ones they sent us (three choices). This alone was great – it takes so much time to go through the many listings on air bnb and identify the ones that work for you. I just read three listings, and chose the one I liked the best. Is it possible there was a slightly better air bnb? Maybe. But I believe that one of the keys to happiness is satisficing. Taking the first acceptable/good option and not spending exponentially more time identifying the best of all possible options. This approach works well in so many aspects of life, and allows you to just give yourself permission to move on to the next thing without getting caught up in decision paralysis. Almost nothing in life is so important that you must find the absolute best one. A good one is good enough.

So anyway, we picked an air bnb from the three options they offered. Next, they asked us a few questions about what we wanted to do, how we wanted transportation to work, and how packed we wanted our days to be. This took me about 10-15 minutes to answer. Tommy is perfectly happy to let someone else plan everything, or to have no plan at all, and my dad is a deep researcher who would dive far deeper into the possible choices than I would. So, in the end, it was actually great to have a planner so that I didn’t feel the need to be in the middle, discussing each decision and trying to make everyone happy. Outsourced!

I got back our itinerary from Journy, and was so excited by all the fun stuff to do. We made a couple of tweaks, and we are good to go. They are booking everything for us now – dinner reservations, pre-booked museum tickets to the Frida Kahlo museum, etc. They’ve identified a reliable driving service that will help our party of seven get around — although I’m sure we will use public transportation sometimes. Other than the stuff that is pre-booked, we can make decisions on the fly. Walking by a cool cafe – we can still stop. But the pre-planning is taken care of, and that’s so awesome for me especially.

This will be the girls first true international trip. They’ve been to Mexico before, but only to Puerto Vallarta to a resort, so not really a cultural experience. We have been pretty focused on our daily lives and haven’t spent a lot of time talking with them about the upcoming trip. In the next few weeks, I am planning to take advantage of the time I have made free to engage them in understanding where we are going and getting excited about the things we will be doing.

Instead of reading guidebooks, we are going to learn more about Mexico City. I have ordered a few books to start giving them some framework of what to expect, including a kids travel journal focused on Mexico City , an Eyewitness book about Aztec, Inca and Maya civilizations since we will be visiting some ruins, and a more general book for kids about Mexico City. I’ll start introducing these books to the girls soon so that they can start to understand our trip. I am a believer that travel can be a great education, but how much we can take away from a trip is also dependent on us engaging with the possibilities. I also got a book for myself – a biography of Frida Kahlo. I know a little about her, but I’m sure there is so much more.

I’ll find the plan loaded into my app while we are there, including confirmations and details on reservations. They also have a lovely desktop interface where you can view each day’s plans, confirmations, and maps of each activity. It’s very intuitive and easy to use. I’m so grateful to be able to relax and not have to worry about all the details of planning and focus instead on the trip itself and finding ways for me to squeeze as much pleasure and learning from this one week as I can.

(They do have a sale going on right now for Valentines (10% off) – if you are interested in using them for an upcoming trip.)

When Harper was born, I read French Kids Eat Everything, and I was convinced that would be us. My kids would eat everything! They wouldn’t even want that kids menu. Who wants to eat boxed Mac n cheese at a restaurant?! Spoiler alert: my kids. your kids….all the kids. And some of the adults if they are being honest.

So three kids later, we try for a middle ground with our kids. Yes, they can get a cheeseburger or pizza off the kids menu. My daughter ordered a cheeseburger at a Matt’s El Rancho, a classic tex-mex restaurant here in Austin on Saturday. Is that the best thing they have? No, certainly not. She liked it, and she was much more interested in playing with her friends than her food anyway.

I continue to have mixed feelings about how the kids eat. Should I push them to be more adventurous? Should I not focus too much on eating at all and just allow them to choose for themselves? How should we handle dessert? Some experts suggest serving it with the meal to get rid of the terrible “how many more bites?” daily back and forth. I also have to remember that feeding them is one of the things I do, but not the only important role I play as a mom.

If we go out to eat with Theo, it requires all of my creative energy to keep him entertained and contained during the meal by continually producing toys and small snacks while we wait for the food. I don’t have the bandwidth to force the girls to order from the adult menu, or to select a meal for them. And it’s not enjoyable to take them out to eat and then listen to them complain about how they don’t like whatever I made them eat. I also think that learning to read the menu and order for yourself is a good life skill.

There are plenty of books and internet article lamenting the kids menu and the resulting dedication of kids to arrive at a restaurant of any kind only to eat a cheeseburger, chicken fingers or pizza. And there are plenty of parents arguing that kid are picky and obsessing about what their kids eat is a waste of time and will just make them binge on those forbidden foods later if they aren’t allowed to have them as kids. There are organizations trying to get kids to eat more nutritious food, working with restaurants to improve the quality of the kids menu – like Kids Food Reboot.

As I started writing about this, I wondered when and why restaurants started offering a kids menu. After all, when our kids are small, we generally just feed them a portion of our food. That’s all Theo gets, and he will eat most things we give him, passing on green vegetables (mostly) and spicy foods. So then I wandered down a rabbit hole of the origin of the kids menu. Who knew it would have roots in Prohibition, when restaurants lost the revenue from alcohol sales so they tried to expand their clientele to children?

Occasionally, we have weekends where we eat out quite a bit. On these weekends, sometimes they might have cheese pizza for three of the four lunches/dinners of the weekend. They are happy, and we probably all had fun seeing friends and getting out, but then I feel guilty about not ensuring that they had more nutritious food and more adventurous eating. They certainly are not the French kids I planned to have seven years ago.

I am grateful that I feel like my kids are fairly balanced, since their school has a lovely lunch program with fresh, partially organic hot lunches that they eat almost every day (they can choose a lunch box, but they almost never do – and thank goodness, because packing lunches everyday would be a pain). I cook dinner and we eat together almost every night. I love to cook and I make whatever I want for dinner – curries, roasted vegetables, and yes – pasta and potatoes too sometimes. I decide what we are having, and they decide if they are eating or not.

At the same time, we make an effort to go places where a kids menu won’t exist, and we order a variety of foods to help them expand what they enjoy eating and to enjoy the adventure that eating different kinds of foods can offer. On Sunday, we had lunch at H Mart, the big Asian grocery store in Austin (well, in Cedar Park). They have a huge food court that reminds us of the food markets in Singapore. This might just be wishful thinking on our part, but the food court is fun because we can order from different stalls and then try a bunch of different foods. But of course, there is no kids menu.

So instead of pizza and cheeseburgers, the kids ate dumplings, rice, sushi, creamed corn, and a seafood pancake. We talked about the foods we enjoyed and we didn’t force them to try anything. We just set all the food out in the center of the table to share. We ate – we talked. They have discovered (thanks to a trip to Din Tai Fung in San Diego, which would make anyone like dumplings) that they love dumplings, so they started with those.

We will keep working on expanding their palates, both through my home cooking and while we are out. They will probably keep ordering cheese pizza when they can. I will hope that the balance will work out for them to be healthy people who will eat a variety of nourishing foods as they get older. We will keep going to restaurants without a kids menu, to force them to try other things. And I’ll probably keep feeling a little guilty about it.

We have been to New Orleans a bunch of times, usually for a weekend. It’s a short and usually cheap flight from Austin, the food is fantastic, we have a friend there who we always love seeing, and who doesn’t like to just wander, drink and let the good times roll. New Orleans is the perfect spot for a weekend couple’s getaway from Austin.

I had one thing that I wanted to do while we were there (other than the standard eat lots of good food, have drinks, and just relax). I wanted to visit Ashley Longshore’s studio. Ashley Longshore is a pop artist. I’ve been following her on instagram for a while. I think I found her from Meri Cherry, who runs the most charming children’s art studio ever and is just generally an awesome person. You should follow her too – she inspires me every day with her posts. A while ago, she was posting about some of her favorite artists, so I had to check them out and I added a few to my instagram feed.

I like art. I took one art history class in college, just for fun because I didn’t need the credit for anything. I have visited art museums around the world and carefully listened to the audio guides with interest. I have read many biographies of artists (remember how I read a lot!). I took a couple of drawing classes when we first moved to Austin, and discovered that I’m just not that into drawing.

I was really excited to visit the studio – I thought all the glitter, jewels and colors would be more impactful in person than on instagram, and I was right. Her studio is an explosion of color and profanity, in the most charming way. There’s so much humor, bits of autobiography, and joy in her art. I can relate in some ways to her background and I appreciate seeing her interpretation of wealth and pretention with so much wit and fun.

I realized that she must use the workspace in the back for art (you’d think a studio would have given that away), and then I noticed that I was relieved she wasn’t there. What if she was? I would want to talk to her, but then what would I say? I’m so basic and uncool — not funny, creative or amazing. It’s ironic – I really wanted to see her studio and gallery. I loved her gallery. I was so relieved she wasn’t there so I wouldn’t have to face my own awkwardness and lack of knowledge in that moment.

Tommy of course, doesn’t know anything about her, but he went up and talked to the woman working and requested the full catalog of what she has for sale right now — because he wants to know the prices. Classic Tommy. I wandered around — although it’s not big, it is packed with art and as I kept looking, I kept finding more pieces to look at. Since I was feeling weird, I didn’t take many pictures, which of course I regret now. But let me share this chair with you — the chairs are some of the most interesting pieces, I think.

We wandered to a gallery next door, with some totally different art. This painter loves to fish, and he paints from real life – lots of sea scenes and ocean creatures. The galleriest (is that what you call her?) could not have been nicer, chatting with us about the artist and how he works, and then about her own baby. She mentioned that we had just missed the artist, and again, I felt that flood of relief that he wasn’t there. Thank goodness I was able to narrowly avoid this opportunity to talk to an artist again.

It’s silly really – I know that most people are nice, and probably artists who want to sell their work aren’t going to “see through me” and know I’m not a real art collector, artist myself, or whatever I think I have to be in order to talk to them. And yet, that gut feeling is still there.

That said, I’d like to visit more art galleries on our future trips. I think I can get over this weird fear of being found out an art fraud who doesn’t know anything. We are heading to Chicago for a weekend in a few months, and I’m already hoping to find an artist that has a gallery there that I can get interested to visit. It’s weird to intentionally seek out an experience that makes you feel inadequate in some ways — but I also enjoy it. So, suggestions of an artist to check out in Chicago?

In order to make it easy for me to read a lot, I have a few easy strategies that I use to make books (digital and paper) part of my daily life and to encourage myself to read and finish books.

1. Download the Libby app. You have to have a public library card to use it, but it’s really easy to set up with a public library card. Then you can download new books (both digital and audio) directly to your phone, or Kindle, or iPad – whatever you prefer. They are completely free and you get them for two weeks and they automatically return (no late fees! no driving to the library!). Pro tip – if you won’t finish a book in two weeks, turn the wifi on your kindle off and you’ll keep the book until you turn the wifi back on. I always keep a book on my iPhone, so instead of mindlessly scrolling, I can read a book waiting in carpool line, at the doctor’s office, or really anywhere!
2. Sign up for BookBub emails. Not sure what you want to read? Tell BookBub what categories or types of books you like, and they will send you an email daily with books that fit your interests that are less than $3 on Amazon. You click, download, and boom – new book on your phone or Kindle.
3. Try an audio book. Some books are better in audio format anyway. Malcolm Gladwell is a big believer in the power of an audio book, and he puts a lot of effort into making a compelling audio book that almost feels like a (really) long form podcast.
4. Participate in a book club. Maybe it’s in real life, but maybe it’s online. I’ve followed Reese Witherspoon’s book club off and on for a while, and I enjoy the idea of having an “assignment” sometimes. I’ve read books I wouldn’t have chosen for myself, and enjoyed reading and sharing with others who are reading the same work. The connection and conversation can help to bring the book to life. Reese not your speed? Check out this wide selection of book clubs for everyone.
5. Hear about a book that really grabs you? Immediately order it on Amazon. I only do this when I’m really excited about a book, but then I know that when I have that paperback laying around that I really want to read it. And then it stares at me from my bedside table because sometimes it takes me a while to start a real book because digital books are so much easier!
6. Become a Book Fairy. Somehow the idea that I get to pass on a book and make someone else happy makes me more motivated to finish it, especially if I’m going on a trip and I can leave it in a new place. I’m heading to New Orleans this weekend and working to finish a book so I can book fairy while I’m there and leave it for someone else to find.
7. Reading something you hate? Stop. Life is short. This isn’t high school English. You’re allowed to quit.
8. Participate in a reading challenge. I’m doing the Women Reading 2020 Challenge, and it’s forcing me to stretch outside of my normal book selections to complete the challenge. The stretching is interesting, and I love checking things off and feeling like I’ve accomplished something. But if you search “reading challenge”, there are so many options. Print it out and post it somewhere you will see it.
9. Read something light. Love romance novels? Thrillers? Erotica? YA? Whatever — read what makes you happy. I love to read Stuart Woods books. They are all basically the same, but I always enjoy the experience. So I keep reading them. Whatever – it’s just a hobby that I do for fun. No guilt.
10. Put your kindle app, or your Libby app, on the first screen of your phone. Remind yourself to jump into it when you have time. Talk to other people about what you are reading. Let it be part of your daily life. Reading doesn’t require you to sit down for hours to finish War and Peace. Read a little, here and there, of what you enjoy, and let it bring you happiness, insight into the world, education, and fun.

We love to travel. Learning about other places, other cultures, and experiencing the many pages of life enrich your life through experience, perspective and learning. BUT – have you traveled with three kids under 8? I have. It’s not for the faint of heart and it can definitely be exhausting. So while they are little and traveling internationally is more difficult, we have opened our minds to a broader definition of what it means to travel. At its core for us, travel is about opening your mind to people and places different from home.

Here are the top seven reasons that getting an au pair or exchange student are awesome:

1. True relationships take time to develop. As you live together for six months to a year, you get to know each other in a way that is really different than a casual conversation. We learned that our exchange student from the Netherlands loved to drink buttermilk at home. We experienced some pasta carbonara prepared by an Italian in our kitchen. We went to a German Christmas market in Austin. Although all relationships have challenging moments and frustrations, the way you get to know someone through little day to day interactions is so much more meaningful than visiting a cultural festival.
2. Welcoming a new person into your home gives your children (and you) a chance to grow in hospitality, empathy and kindness. We spent time talking to our kids about how the au pair or the exchange student might be feeling and asking them to imagine what it would feel like to move to a brand new place where people didn’t speak your language.
3. Lifetime relationships. We can’t speak to this right now since it’s only been a few years, but I hope that this will be true. I studied abroad in France, and my host family had been hosting students for over twenty years. They had attended weddings of former students and maintained relationships over that time. I hope that my girls will grow up with a friendly face in many countries to welcome them when and if they get a chance to visit. The young women we have welcomed into our home can be big sisters in a way that we can’t as parents, and might someday become sounding boards as they get older.
4. The food. Did I mention the carbonara? The gingerbread? The chocolate? As someone who loves to eat and cook, getting a first hand look at how someone from another country chooses to eat is endlessly fascinating and frankly delicious. Our exchange student loved natural peanut butter — it wasn’t something she could get at home. I bought so much peanut butter that year!
5. The playtime. I am a big believer that my kids need to experience a variety of people, who insert a variety of backgrounds, ages and personalities into their developing social skills. Learning to build relationships and get along with all kinds of people is an awesome skill. As I watch our au pair play The Game of Life (again!) or hide and seek, and interact in a way that is different from what I would do, I am reminded that these moments teach so much in ways I cannot do myself, because I can only bring myself to our relationship. Our exchange student would spend a lot of time playing with the girls too, and their bond was something really special. Plus while they play I can cook dinner or do laundry. Mom life.
6. The inspiration to get out there and explore. Because of our exchange student, we went to the rodeo in Llano, which actually was fun for all of us. Because of our au pair, we went to the German Market in Austin, which was a festive experience we wouldn’t have had without her. In small ways, it reminds me to get out and do stuff, to explore Austin and the surrounding area and to appreciate what is unique and special right here at home. And being happy where you are is pretty great.
7. The power of opening up. You can read everywhere about how people are more isolated, behind screens and further from family than at any other point in history. Loneliness and isolation are rampant. Well, this is an antidote to that. You are welcoming another person face to face. When you open yourself and your home, you allow joy, chaos, fun, laughter, light and challenges in. And through the process of being open, you will find more of yourself and more of the world. You are modeling openness to your family.

We have participated as a host family with exchange students and with au pairs because we find that it aligns with our family values of respecting differences, openness, and kindness. Modeling by participating in these programs has offered us an easy way to show our kids what we mean by learning about other cultures in way beyond books, videos, projects or local festivals.

Plus, it’s been fun and interesting.

We’ve done Trail of Lights in Austin several times. The parking is a nightmare, you are crowded in like sardines, and at the end of spending over $100, I do not go home feeling joyful and festive. I feel annoyed, tired, and irritated that my ungrateful children do not appreciate the sacrifice I made to go. Every time, I vow never to go back. And then someone gives us free tickets and so we agree. But NOT this year. (I mean, no one gave us free tickets, and I’m not paying for that madness).

I do understand the draw though – it’s a beautiful and special seasonal experience to be under the twinkly lights,  watch the kids light up with joy at Santa, and enjoy something that is fleeting and only available for a little while. For that reason, I love going to Johnson City for their lights. It’s free. You park right next to the lights. It’s not crowded. It’s completely lovely.

We like to leave in the afternoon and stop off for dinner at The Oasis. The view at The Oasis is stunning, and the food and drinks are fine. There’s a ballon animal maker who roams the tables. It’s relaxing and about halfway there.

After The Oasis, we make the rest of the drive (a little less than an hour) to Johnson City. We park and explore. This year we went with another family, and we parked right by the trees. The trees — the Pedernales Electric Company uses their trucks with the bucket to cover the trees around their offices in lights. They are bright, and there are thousands of them. It’s so magical. The girls climbed on the rocks and played tag. We all did spins under the trees to see the lights swirl around in front of our eyes, and it made me feel like a child at Christmas again too. The local FFA was offering hot chocolate for a donation, so we all sipped on hot chocolate and talked and took some pictures.

We walked over by the courthouse with our hot chocolate, and we had fun taking more pictures with all the wooden holiday decorations – Whoville, Mickey and Minnie, reindeer, etc. There were only about ten other people there. We look over to see Santa sitting in his pavilion, no line, just waiting for children (or adults) to join him for important Christmas list discussions. Harper noticed him first, and her look of pure thrill was worth the drive. She dashed over to talk to him and he was warm and friendly and they had a ten minute discussion about her life and her wishes. Where else can you do that? We did take some pictures, but we already have some fancy pictures in fancy dresses, so the girls focused more on the experience of talking instead of the picture taking. We strolled around the courthouse and then everyone was getting tired (classic Ruthie – my legs hurt).

We drove to the lake house, which is thankfully only about thirty minutes away, and got everyone settled for bed. It was a relaxing and festive evening and a lazy morning.