The Naked Truth

ROFLOL:

Chase Morgan — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 08:14:00 +0000

A new slogan has been recommended for Fruita, Colo., previously
best known as the home of Mike the Headless Chicken (This is True, 23
April 2000). The slogan, “WTF”, of course stands for “Welcome to
Fruita”, and a local couple already printed stickers with the slogan.
There are mixed feelings about the proposal. “We saw them and thought
it was pretty funny and thought it might be a good idea,” said city
manager Clint Kinney. Indeed, the first 500 stickers were quickly
snapped up, and its creators quickly ordered 2,000 more. “I can
understand the need for creativeness,” said a very politic Mayor Ken
Henry. “But my feeling is if they’re creative enough to come up with
WTF, they’re creative enough to come up with something that doesn’t
insult the sensitivities of people.” Opponents are pressing for “TGIF”,
for “Thank God It’s Fruita”.

A THOUGHT: Remember, NSFW — Not Saying Fruita’s Witless.

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IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE WAY I DRIVE, STAY OFF THE SIDEWALK:

Chase Morgan — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 08:13:00 +0000

Sharonda Cheeves, 24, and Jesslyn Williams, 23, were denied entry to Club
Motivation in North Philadelphia, Pa. But instead of going home, they
kept coming back. “Over 2-1/2 hours, I asked them five times to go
home,” said Kadella Davis, who hosted parties at the club. Instead,
Cheeves and Williams got in their car and drove around the club,
plowing into people on the sidewalk — including Davis, who suffered
multiple facial fractures, four broken vertebrae, a fractured pelvis,
and a broken arm. Williams made three laps, then got out of the car and
Cheeves took one more lap, killing Alisha Moore, 27, in the process. At
their sentencing, Judge Benjamin Lerner sentenced Williams to 2-4 years
in prison, three years of probation, and a $2,000 fine. Cheeves
received 4-8 years in prison followed by two years probation and a
$1,000 fine. Lerner said he could have given a lighter sentence, but
cited “the number of times that [Williams] had the opportunity to
desist what she was doing and simply drive away.”

A THOUGHT: If you’re going to be stupid, you might as well go all the way.

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WELCOME, THIEVES:

Chase Morgan — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 08:12:00 +0000

When Spokane Valley, Wash., police found Nathan John
Calvert with a Jeep full of stuff, they had one big clue theft was
involved: Calvert had said so on Facebook. But officers could find no
police reports identifying the stolen goods and their owners. One
possible reason: the police department in neighboring Spokane closed
its property crimes unit last year and publicly announced it would only
investigate about one in 20 property crimes. Now Spokane Valley cops,
who still have a property crimes unit, often end up investigating
Spokane thefts because repeat offenders strike in both jurisdictions.
Plus some Spokane residents are investigating matters themselves.
Property crime statistics did drop last year in Spokane, but it’s not
clear whether that’s because of citizens’ independent work, or because
people simply aren’t bothering to report crimes. Anne Kirkpatrick, the
former police chief who closed the property crimes unit, says she’s not
to blame: she’d warned city officials that if they kept cutting her
budget, she’d close the property unit.

A THOUGHT : I guess closing the drug unit wouldn’t have been as good a threat.
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SIDE BUSINESS:

Chase Morgan — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 08:11:00 +0000

The Noble Network charter school in Chicago, Ill., is
charging students $5 to attend detention for “minor disciplinary
infractions” such as not tying shoelaces when told, or possessing soft
drinks. “It’s nickel-and-diming kids for literally nothing that really
matters,” complains the executive director of Parents United for
Responsible Education, Julie Woestehoff. Critics say the fines, which
brought in $200,000 last year, are a ploy to drive out “troubled”
students to push up graduation rates. “If you have rules, you have to
enforce them,” responds the school district’s CEO, Michael Milkie. “We
have set that fee to offset the cost to administer detention.” After 12
$5 detentions, students are required to attend a “discipline class” —
which costs $140. At least some parents support the measure. Kimberly
Davis said she paid $300 for fees and behavior classes for her
daughter, but adds she will soon graduate. “You have to buy into the
program,” Davis said. (RC/Chicago Tribune) ..

A THOUGHT: Right: that’s what the others are complaining about.

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COCKY CRIMINAL:

Chase Morgan — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 02:19:00 +0000

Three years ago, Danny Pham, now 36, was arrested on
Super Bowl Sunday after police found a cockfighting operation behind
his Lake Worth, Fla., home. Pham said he was watching football and
didn’t know what was going on in his yard — claiming he wasn’t aware
of the arena set up there, nor the 89 roosters that were being used for
fights. Apparently that excuse didn’t work: he’s on probation from the
case, including a prohibition from possessing any animals. Pham has
been arrested again: suspicious postal authorities called in Palm Beach
County animal control officers because a live rooster had been mailed
to Pham. When Pham picked the bird up, sheriff’s deputies were waiting.
He told officers that the box in his hand with air holes and marked
“Live Animal” was “not his chicken.” He was arrested on a charge of
probation violation.

A THOUGHT: Given: Pham, and a
rooster. Your task: determine which one has more brains.

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MATERNAL INSTINCTS:

Chase Morgan — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 02:18:00 +0000

Josefa Lopez, 80, asked her daughter, Teresa Medina,
to give her a ride to the taping of a TV show. But before they could
leave Lopez’s Hialeah, Fla., driveway, a man grabbed Medina by the arm
and pulled her out of the driver’s seat. Then, Lopez says, the man
started shouting “Give me” as he pulled her to the ground by her hair
and started kicking her and hitting her with a gun. That was when Lopez
charged him. “I thought she was dead,” Lopez said. “I yelled at him, ‘I
am going to kill you, son of a bitch!’ I wasn’t myself.” She hit him
with her cane, and the man fled, taking Medina’s purse with him. Medina
had scrapes and bruises on her arms and back, and a large bruise under
her eye, but was otherwise unharmed. Although she acknowledges she
could have been killed, the 4-foot-9-inch Lopez says she would do it
again. “When you see your daughter in trouble,” she said, “you have to
do something.” Her daughter, by the way, is 61.

A THOUGHT: NEVER get between a mother and her child — no matter the
age or species.

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HEY EVERYBODY, LOOK AT THIS!

Chase Morgan — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 02:17:00 +0000

Several people in Rock Island, Ill., were
passing around something for everyone to admire: a 12ga shotgun. As
various people posed with the gun for photos, the shotgun — obviously
loaded — discharged, shooting Zachary Inman, 18, in the leg. A police
cruiser happened to drive by shortly after, and someone flagged it
down, and they called for an ambulance. The gun’s apparent owner,
Matthew Nazari, 18, was charged with being a felon in possession of a
firearm, and other charges may be pending.

A THOUGHT: “I was posing with it and it went off” is even dumber than the cleaning
excuse.

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BEST EXCUSE EVER:

Chase Morgan — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 02:17:00 +0000

Security at the JC Penney store in the Provo (Utah)
Towne Centre Mall spotted Leah Efay Davis, 32, placing several items in
a store bag. They say they watched her leave without paying, stopped
her, and found nearly $600 worth of merchandise. Davis claimed to have
a valid excuse: she told police she owned the mall, was eight months
pregnant, and — the clincher — she had played Rudy Huxtable on “The
Cosby Show”. That character, however, was played by actress Keisha
Knight Pulliam. Davis was charged with retail theft — enhanced to a
felony because of prior shoplifting convictions.

A THOUGHT: Had she actually been Rudy, the whole matter would have been
resolved in 22 minutes with an important lesson learned.

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ARE YOU JOKING?

Chase Morgan — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 02:16:00 +0000

“I don’t think the national anthem is something we ought
to be joking around with,” said Indiana state Sen. Vaneta Becker,
explaining her proposed law to regulate the singing of “The Star-
Spangled Banner” — the national anthem. Under the bill, the state
education department would create “performance standards,” and anyone
singing the anthem for school events would have to agree to comply —
and face a $25 fine if the performance broke the rules. Becker said she
was prompted by a constituent who was upset about altered lyrics that
had been used in a school program, but says she had also heard the song
parodied on TV.

A THOUGHT: In some public schools, just
singing “the land of the free and the home of the brave” is parody
enough.

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Case Closed

Chase Morgan — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 02:15:00 +0000

The Buffalo News describes the suburb
of Tonawanda as “sleepy,” but things were tense after a woman called
police to say her son was holding two hostages in his home. The town’s
SWAT team surrounded the residence and evacuated neighbors, but when
they ordered the man via bullhorn to drop his weapons and come out,
nothing happened. The woman insisted her son was armed, so police stood
watch from 5:45 a.m. until they finally reached the man at 10:45 a.m.
on his cell phone, and he stepped out as requested. He hadn’t heard the
commotion because he was asleep. “It was just a guy who had too much to
drink,” said police Capt. Jonathan Scott. “It turned out not to be a
hostage situation.” Still, the unnamed man, who is on leave from the
Marines after serving in Iraq, was charged with fourth-degree criminal
mischief and taken for a mental examination.

A THOUGHT: Wait: they charged a sleepy war veteran with a crime and let the mother go
free?

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