I just want to be by myself a little bit. Take some time off. Maybe a glass of wine, a good book or a brain numbing TV show. Maybe with a good friend. Maybe not. Maybe there’s a big party on and I might just be sitting on the balcony all by myself. Maybe I’m checking out a restaurant with a friend while everyone else are off to a night club. Maybe I’m just sleeping. I’m for sure not doing anything particularly cool or exciting. That’s the last thing I need when I need to retreat to my own space. You know what I’m saying.

Its not just that these breaks from the public me helps me recoup energy, focus on what I think is important and wind down, I also noticed that these breaks from the spotlight had another and rather surprising effect on how people perceive me…

I was quite surprised the first time I realised that instead of people thinking “oh I’m sure she’s just sitting in her room watching TV by herself while we’re out here partying” (which was what I was doing), instead people were thinking “oh I wonder what cool stuff Solveig is doing so that she can’t be here with us”.

People were simply thinking that since I wasn’t with them and what they were doing were really cool, I must be off doing something even cooler.

I’m never secret about what I do. I’m open about having days where I don’t want to see another living being, I don’t want to be social and I don’t want to nod and smile. I’m open about having evenings at home not doing anything. I’m open about not being particularly cool. So I was surprised. People were attributing me with a whole level of coolness I’ve never aspired to.

So since then I’ve been intentionally skipping all the good parties, making sure everyone thinks I’m off to something even cooler while I’m just really sitting by myself in my hotel room.

Not exactly.

I’m still doing my introvert stuff. I’m still open about that’s what I’m doing. But perceptions deceive. How are perceptions helping or working against you?

Image credit Photostock

One of my favorite studies and something I never tire of quoting is Dr. Wiseman’s study from 2003 on the Luck Factor (also a book).

Dr. Wiseman examined the lives of 400 either exceptionally lucky or unlucky people over a period of several years.

Dr. Wiseman is always looking at the supernatural and unexplainable and he simply didn’t believe that people were “just lucky”.

I believe I am lucky. I am incredibly lucky. In fact I think Dr. Wiseman could have written the whole study just about me.

Does that mean I think luck is something I was born with, something people just simply have (or not), something that means I can just sit back and relax not doing anything ever again in my life?

Not exactly, no. I believe luck is something you need to work on, and optimism is your first step.

So what’s up with these lucky people?
I think Dr. Wiseman explains it best in his own words:

They are skilled at creating and noticing chance opportunities, make lucky decisions by listening to their intuition, create self-fulfilling prophesies via positive expectations, and adopt a resilient attitude that transforms bad luck into good.

So what does this have to do with optimism?
Dr. Wiseman says that lucky people simply see things from a different perspective. You broke a leg? You’re lucky who didn’t break both! You broke both legs? You’re lucky who get six weeks in bed and can learn Spanish!

Yay! I think that is just awesome and bang on explains how I’ve lived my life so far. And will continue living it. What about you? Are you optimistic?

Oh – and there’s just a new perfume out, from my favorite perfumeur, Paul Smith, check it out! If it’s anything like his Rose perfume, it will become a staple on my wardrobe.

Image credit Photostock

First of all – Personal branding isn’t a choice. You already have a brand. You might not have a conscious brand, you might not have made concrete choices as to how you will be shaping your brand. But you have a brand.

Secondly – you can fake your brand. Some people do that on their CVs. Its not something I recommend. Faking your brand makes you come off as insincere and…well…fake.

A personal brand is how people know you, how people see you. What people think when they think about you. Do you always come late to appointments? Are you always on time? Always wear flats? High heels? Purple? Black?  That’s your brand.

Many people who are climbing the career ladder are waiting to say what they think until they reach the top. They wait for that “moment” when you are allowed to do start influencing. I don’t think it works this way at all.

I’ve interviewed Sofie Sandell, Film Producer and Change Maker Extraordinaire. Every time I meet Sofie she reminds me to stay on track and be ambitious. 

Hi Sofie, can you tell us a bit about yourself? 

My name is Sofie Sandell and I live in West London. I’m originally from Göteborg, Sweden.

Since I moved to London I’ve been active in JCI London and I was the local president 2008.

In my day job I am the manger for a digital marketing team and I am also a film producer. I am working on a new TV-series about leadership and how people can make an impact.

I start my days with bootcamp in Chiswick three days per week and I try to go to some cultural events and shows in London every now and then.

To create an impact is to change something, drive something forward, and to do this you need people to work with you. Most people want to work with enthusiastic people so I try to work with things that I know I am enthusiastic about and then the people I need to help me will join in.

When I have been involved in a project which has made an impact I have always spent a lot of time doing research for the needs; why we need to do it? what will happen if we don’t do something about it? etc. When you have these facts on the table and the why? is very clear, then you have enough behind you to move it forward. It becomes very difficult for people who are very risk-averse to say no when you have a lot of facts on the table.

You only get what you ask for, nothing else

I also have very high expectations, and this often helps me to get what I want in return. If I have very high expectations it is contagious and the people I need are jumping onboard. You only get what you ask for, nothing else unfortunately. In the end I believe I have a mix of good sales skills and enthusiasm and then it all starts to flow automatically.

I like to work with consistent people who are honest and driven by their own values. When you know why they are doing what they are doing and there is no hidden agenda then it becomes a pleasure to work together. This kind of people make most impact on me.

Fear of doing something wrong that other people can criticise is probably what stand in they way for many people. To make an impact often includes to “become the blue monkey”, to stick out from the crowd. And this can be very uncomfortable in the beginning and some people (and maybe yourself) will try to hold you back.

To make an impact often includes to “become the blue monkey”, to stick out from the crowd

Many people who are climbing the career ladder are waiting to say what they think until they reach the top. They wait for that “moment” when you are allowed to do start influencing. I don’t think it works this way at all. People on the top who challenge what is going on around them has done this on many occasions in their career and lives. They started early. The higher you climb the more conflicts, change and turbulence you need to be able to handle.

To become a person who makes an impact you have to get your fingers burned a few times, it will hurt a bit, but if you would like to take the lead and make an impact you have to give it a go a few times. You’ll improve your impact skills over time. Try not to spent too much time listen to people who says: What was it I said.. They are all people who never done something differently and they are just trying to make themselves feel good.

It takes practice to become an impactful person. And you have to take some risks to do it too.

Yes and no. I often think about who I would like to be remembered as; a person who was quiet and didn’t do something about what is happening in the world; or a person who influenced and improved the world. Most days I choose to be the latter person. I take my life seriously and I try to do things that are good for me as often as I can, this gives me energy to do things for others around me.

I am reading ‘First break all the rules: What the World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently’ by Marcus Buckingham & Curt Coffman and a book by Sven-Göran Eriksson about the psychology in football ‘On Football’.

Anything else you’d like to share with us? 

Impact starts in your mind. So to stretch your mind and be creative is a good start. People’s limited beliefs are probably what stops many from creating an impact.

Thank you Sofie!

Sofie blogs her thoughts about the world and leadership on Sofie Sandell’s Blog.

It’s always fun to have the finished product in my hands. The workbook is about 15 pages and I use it in my first week of coaching. Right now I have 15 test bunnies (Easter-test bunnies, yay) trying and testing it. I will hear from them in a week when they’ve lived with the book and seen the impact it has on their lives.

The book is a tool to learn about yourself, your areas of strength in terms of personal presence and which areas you would like to develop. In my coaching we work with 5 dimensions of personal presence – awareness, presence, authenticity, empathy and clarity, and the book assesses all 5 dimensions.

If you want to see how I can help you develop your personal presence, schedule an initial call with me or get in touch to learn more.

I have both some good news and some bad news, and James Bond will help me.

The bad news is – you can’t. Trying to make yourself interesting to others won’t make you interesting. Tell them how many contacts you have, how important you are, and you will shortly be standing there by yourself.

Did 007 get his aura of mystery and charm by bragging about how many yachts he’s blown up and how he’s now just about to catch the next villain?

In addition to not getting him closer to the villain, this tactic won’t make James Bond many friends.

Have we not all seen this too many times? People trying desperately to be interesting. From the guy clasping the glass of wine at the Chamber telling me exactly how many important contacts he has around the world to the defense guy from the US embassy telling me he “can’t tell me” what he does. Oh yeah baby, I know the real guys, they’re the people appearing to be police, or lawyers or Export Import Council, they’re the people with their cover stories ready and bullet proof, but oh so much more interested in what I am doing than telling me about themselves. You’re just trying to convince yourself you’re still cool.

The good news is – making yourself interesting to others is incredibly simple.

Smile to people, treat them as important. Talk about people’s favourite subject – themselves. Ask question, remember names, follow up with an email, remember the facts (are they going to Italy? Expecting grand children?). People will like you, they will be interested in you, and you get business.

Whether you’re a James Bond in the budding or someone building a genuine network, the rules are the same. Your most valuable asset is information about others. As a seller you want to know their needs, as a networker you want to know how you can help, as a spy you’d like to know where Dr Evil has hidden the keys to the big bomb. And guess what? You won’t know any of that if you keep on trying to be interesting by talking about yourself. Stop trying to be interesting, be interested instead.

But is it that simple? Or that hard? Is presence something you “just have” or don’t? I believe anyone can build presence and in this short article I give you 5 easy ways to get a better physical presence through your body language.

1. Calm yourself

Wringing our hands, repeated touching of the face, hectic and short movements – we all do it when we’re nervous. Stop. Calm yourself. I find thinking of a body of still water helps me, so use an image if that helps. We’re not looking for stone cold statues, but the calmness of confidence. Move when needed, and when you move, follow points 2 and 3.

2. Commit to your gestures

If you started a gesture – commit to it. Finish the gesture. Nothing is less sexy than an arm moving out strongly, then flopping lifeless to the floor. Are you reaching out a hand to greet someone, then commit to this action. It is they, not you, who will look foolish for not taking it.

3. Move with purpose

Are your arms flapping around for no good reason? Your hand touching your face just because you felt like it? Use confident gestures that have a purpose behind them. Need to point to a door? then do it with gusto, not as if you’re not really sure that’s what you intended to do.

4. Act as if you mean it

If we are nervous inside, it shows on the outside, but the opposite is also true. Start acting as if you are confident, and your insides will catch up with you. Its as easy as it sounds. Pretend.

5. Its a win-win situation

Not only will your insides catch up with your outsides if you start behaving and acting as if you are confident, but so will also the people around you. You only really need to pretend for the first few minutes. After the first impression people around you will be reacting to you as if you are as confident as you appear. And people acting as if you are confident, makes you feel confident. A win-win situation.

Want to learn more about how you can maximize your presence? Come to my workshop or send me an email for one-to-one coaching.

Take responsibility for building a great relationship and a great first impression from the very beginning. The person you greet will be grateful for your action and feel appreciated and welcome.

Outside of some particular cultural settings it is never wrong to extend a hand in a greeting.

Think back to when someone extended a hand to you and how that made you feel. Did it make you feel welcome?

Extend your hand with purpose, combine the extended hand with a big smile and some eye contact, and you will never go wrong.

Want to learn more about how you can maximize your presence? Come to my workshops or send me an email for one-to-one coaching.

There’s a thin line between glamorously eccentric and simply weird. We just want to make you YOU. Just more of you. More of your fabulousness.

No-one is perfect. Perfection isn’t interesting. We are interested in whole persons. The whole bandwidth.

Having a strong presence is about finding your bandwidth. Finding which of your quirks and “imperfections” makes you you.

1. Start by understanding your context

You cannot influence something you don’t understand. The quirks that are acceptable in a creative environment such as marketing are not the same as those acceptable in the City.

2. Understand yourself

Take an inventory of yourself. Stop trying to be perfect. No one is interested in perfect. What makes you you? Ask your friends and colleagues. Maybe you make the best cakes, the best barbecue. Maybe you’re the one that always calls when someone needs it, or the last person to leave a party.

You can take it or leave it, but at least you know where you are standing and what you can work from.

3. Express yourself

Own up to your peculiarities. Have a preference for cow pictures? Make it your trademark. Just stay within your context. And be ware of the crazy cat lady syndrome. Don’t overdo it. Stay in context. You like Hello Kitty? That’s all well and nice, but if you are 35 and still dressing like the said feline, that’s not so nice (unless of course you are Japanese and in Harajuku, then that’s perfectly within context).

4. Be genuine

Don’t like cows? Then don’t pretend to. The whole point with this exercise is to be more yourself. Try being someone else, and I promise you the real you will come back with a bite.

Also your surroundings pick up on inauthenticity. At the best it can come across as insecurity, at the worst as dishonesty. And we want neither.

5. Be practical

Want to have a glamorous style with high heels but bunions coming in your way? There’s other ways to express glamour. There’s lots of fabulous flats out there, or maybe you’ll be famous for your pretty handbags?

Guys often have less options than us girls, but its often easier for men to stay within acceptable bandwidth. The rules of business dress for women have many and often imperceptible nuances, while men can safely play around with ties and cuff links while staying in context (and yes guys, in business that is about it for what you can experiment with).

Few of us have the liberty of fitting our life around our eccentricities, so make sure your eccentricities fit in your life!

6. Don’t go all out overnight and all of a sudden

Broaden your bandwidth gradually. We don’t want to shock your surroundings by appearing unpredictable or as someone going through an early mid-life crisis.

Going gradually also allows you to experiment with what is acceptable within your context and what is not. Stay tuned with your surroundings and see how things are received. It also allows you to retract things quietly if you see that they don’t fit.

7. Be sustainable

If you follow the advice in the previous points and expand your bandwidth in ways that is in tune with your surroundings and your life, you are set to be fabulous.

Continue staying in touch with your context. Something that works in one place might not work somewhere else. We all move in a number of circles throughout or days and lives, and how we present ourselves changes accordingly.

You find something that don’t fit with your lifestyle or your new job? Then change it, just stay genuine and stay yourself.

Want to learn more about how you can maximize your presence? Come to my workshop or send me an email for one-to-one coaching

Total Presence is not how you dress, how you speak or what kind of body language you use. Its the totality of how you come across, how you communicate who and what you are, and how this shape your presence.

We cannot stop communicating. We communicate if we talk and if we don’t say a word.

We can have a strong presence or a weak presence, but we all have a presence.

I will help you get in control of what you communicate and how you shape your presence.

1. Be aware of your presence

Taking responsibility for your presence begins with understanding how you come across. Understanding how you come across involves understanding your surroundings and the people you deal with in your daily life and work. It involves understanding yourself and how you can make the most out of the things that make you you.

2. Own your presence

Take responsibility for how you come across. No one but yourself can communicate who you are and what you can do. We communicate in everything we do. If you don’t take responsibility for what you communicate you are communicating without a purpose and you might be sending out the wrong signals.

3. Consciously use your presence

We all have a presence, so use it! After understanding how you come across and your surroundings the next step is making sure you use all the tools at your disposal to come across the way you want to.

Want to learn more about how you can maximize your presence? Come to my workshop or send me an email for one-to-one coaching