I know this theme look a bit weird. I had it years ago. Changing themes on WordPress means you have to redo all the widgets. I am working on it. Right now, I don’t want to write about Dystonia. It is my life but it gets way too much attention already. I am going to make sure that I post anything Dystonia related on here. Kinda like a new blog.

I drink one Pepsi every morning. Since I don’t have one yet and my humidifier is out of water, I will keep this post short. I am posting when I can. I am just going make sure all my post are shared to the right places. I won’t link the two blogs together because I kinda just want a all poetry blog. Today I am going to be working on fixing this one since it look crazy to me. Poem up next. I’ll add the link when I wake up for real.

The doctor told me to try Medical Marijuana because my illness cannot be treated at this point. The doctors can’t find a medicine to stop me from going into convulsions. I found my own medicine. Marijuana. I ain’t proud of smoking this shit but it works good as hell. Otherwise I wouldn’t be able to blog. I am a Medical Marijuana advocate because I have Dystonia in a form that cannot be controlled. It has spread all the way to my throat. I smoke red wine cigars so that ain’t good. I am more concerned with being able to walk more than anything because I am a mother and that picture below is my Twinkle.

I named her that and that is what they call her. She is 4 years old now and awesome. She is helpful. She takes care of us like we her kids. She is so sweet that strangers are drawn to her. She has Eosinophilic Esaphogitis. It might be spelled wrong but we call it EOE. As she got older, she out grew most of her allergies. But not all. She has a severe peanut allergy which we need a EpiPen for. In case if her thoart start to close.

I am so tired right now because we just been so busy as a family because of Christmas. Fixing this blog back will take a lot of work. But TODAY is the day I start. I did not know people was reading or following until just now. #MM #420 #CROWNROYALBLACK

English: Ann Arbor as seen from the University of Michigan Stadium. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I keep saying that this blog is finished and yet here I am again. I guess at some point, I ran out of shit to say. Living life hoping that you don’t start shaking violently is hard. It makes you stay away from everyone. You become a loner. Most people are too scared that they won’t be able to help you.

The thing they fail to realize is I really don’t want them to do anything. In April of 2013, it will be a year of shaking violently and going temporarily blind. In the beginning, it was frickin’ scary but after all this time, I have learned to live with it as best as I can. We can sit back and laugh about it but at first, it wasn’t funny.

I have started to navigate the house blind. This may seem a bit extreme but I need to prepare for the worse. When your eyes start to rolling into the back of your head, it is damaging your retina which can lead to permanent damage. Yep. That just frickin’ sucks. Blind and shaking uncontrollably while sipping Crown Royal Black and smoking a cigar. Crazy shit but that is my life everyday.

I have been accused of being drunk so many times that I wanted to smack the taste out of somebody’s mouth. Trying to explain that you have focal dystonia to a person who don’t even know what dystonia is is a bitch. I have a speech problem. My speech is slurred because I am about to have an attack. No one believes me. I drink 90 proof liquor and my walking and speech improve within 30 minutes. Without the alcohol, I would shake myself to death. I can’t even fall asleep because I can’t be still long enough. Either that or I fall asleep and wake up shaking with my eyes stuck together like glue.

I have placed all my necessities next to or in the bed. I can usually find my phone but won’t answer it unless I can see the caller ID. People laugh at the way the room is set up but it is this way to make it easier for me.

I am sure that who ever is reading this is becoming bored but I write what I feel. I remember being in a support group for dystonia and all they talked about is how fucked up they lives were. It pissed me off. My life is different from yours but no way near as difficult as others. I have learned to focus on the good things and what makes me happy. Not on dystonia. This blog is no longer about that. It is about a disabled mother, with two pit bulls, and 8 fish.  It is about me as a person and my life in general. Writing about the worse makes you think negative. I learned that quickly.

Going up North was the point of post so I won’t ramble on. After Wendy (best neurologist ever) went back to school, I lost hope on any treatment and started training myself to function the way I am. I did get a referral to go to a Movement Specialty Clinic up North before I completely gave up. That was in September. Seemed like a really long to time but I am going on January 31st. I am a bit worried because my condition is very severe and in the back of my mind, they ain’t letting come back home right away. We are making arrangements just in case. I can’t live without seeing my daughter for too long. She is my life a my greatest gift. We’ll figure it all out somehow. Just a lot of extra stuff to worry about.

The Clinic is at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. It is an hour away from home which isn’t really that bad but the running back and forth up there would be out of my price range which is the issue. Plus my daughter’s father doesn’t know the first thing about taking care of fish, so when I get back if they keep me, my fish may be dead and he will be buying me some more of course.

For those who have been keeping up with this blog, I am doing fine. Much better that last year. Everyday is a struggle but at least I am not struggling alone. I am glad for that. My aquarium pictures will be posted here. I am going to attempt to take a picture with my tablet. Never tried it before.

My horror movie list has grown a bit so I will post my picks of what you just gotta see soon. 4:33 am and my daughter is woke and talking. Oh my. She is a mess. Heads up for anybody with dystonia who is struggling. You are not alone. Stay strong.:-)

BOTTOMS UP!!!!!!!

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