Words

To the Intruder

2016-12-17T00:11:00.000-08:00

Author's note: Hey people, after a year of staying away from Blogspot, here I am with a new format, a new article, a new thought, and a new realization. Read and review.

Hello,

I know letters usually start from- my dear friend, dear, my dearest, or so on. This list can go on. But the fact remains that you are no dear to me, you are the faceless guy that managed to unknowingly affect my entire life with one of your most inhuman actions. You are no dear to me. You are someone that I have held immense hate for, in each and every bit of my being, for a decade and more. I know you are not reading this. And I don't care. I know that many others will read this, I know that some might give this a second thought before tossing it away as another article written by someone sitting behind a laptop screen, and I also know that some won't. This knowledge first affected me in a negative way, now this itself has enriched me.

"Hit and Run", many people call it. The funny thing is, you could run away. Take a little bit of reverse and rush away frightened because of your own actions, and maybe because the man laying on the ground was not known to you, this does not cause you nightmares or doesn't haunt you all the time. Let me get this right, I do not hate you for driving with the speed that you were, on a road you shouldn't; I don't hate you for driving a bike in the age that you shouldn't; I don't even hate you for the accident. I hate you for every action and every word that came from you after that. I hate you for not being even a bit sorry and I hate you for looking un-apologetically into the eyes of a lady who has faced the loss of her husband because of you and use the words that you did. And I hate you for a hell lot of reasons which I could list out if I start noting them down. You see, you could run away that day, you could run away from the thoughts (I hope not). But that road, that place, is something has been my route of traveling forever. And every time, every single day my brain has created the picture of my father laying there in a pool of blood and a stranger, a guy, pulling his bike in reverse and trying to rush away. I hate you for not owning up to your mistake and face it.

But I've grown up now. I understand that the things I expected from you then, can only be expected from a true man, which you aren't. I go to the extent of not accepting as a human as well. This year, I've witnessed my friend going ahead and helping out a family which was in an accident. The fault wasn't even his. But he did not bother twice before rushing them to the hospital. Of course, because he was one of the good people, he suffered. Because on the other side, that day, were the likes of you. That made me hate you and your type of people even more. I've had my fair share of company with the likes of you. I've known people like you, and I've befriended people like you. I guess a true lady too owns up to her faults and mistakes, huh? If not anything else, at least those decisions of mine taught me how can someone be so much without empathy, sympathy, guilt, kindness, conscience, and still exist. It's because the likes of you have many people who stand up for you and very less that stand up against you. The only way the world is divided into, is good and bad people. Sometimes, Good people make bad choices and Bad people make good choices. You are a bad person, I choose to make choices that make me a good person.

I've hated you for more than a decade. I know we live in the same town. I know you live just around the block. I know you have a name. But I've never seen you- you remain a faceless guy to me. How many times have we crossed paths? I have no clue. Today, I don't forgive you. But I choose to pull out the roots of hatred from my subconscious. Because that is what has kept me caged in the same incessant cycle throughout years. I simply no longer have the time and the energy to waste it on hating a faceless creature. I know it's going to be a tough time to cut out a part of me that contributed so largely in what I am today, but I can't build myself on the roots of hatred. That's too much negativity. I have work to do, things to learn, people to meet, and a life to create. I refuse you to be a part of my life in the way that you have been so far. An idea deep within the core of existence. There was a time where I hoped that whatever and wherever you were, you were suffering. No longer. I do not care what happens to you. You were an intruder in my life, and I welcomed you in. Today, I throw you out and close the doors of my mind forever.

Goodbye.

Most sincerely,
The Daughter

Author's note

2016-02-10T23:11:00.000-08:00

Hey all you wonderful people! Thank you so much for keeping up with this blog and me :P for three whole years! Thank you so much to help me become a better writer and to all you wonderful people who personally reviewed each and every article of mine.
But now it's time for me to focus on other things. These have been three wonderful years you guys! Thank you so much.
Keep exploring. Keep spreading the love and light.
Lots of love,
Nidhi.

The Unknown Realms

2016-01-08T09:12:00.000-08:00

The bitter truth of life is that we are all slaves. We are slaves; Slaves to money, to our minds, to our own emotions, to the people around us, to the so-called society, and to many more things that do not need to be mentioned. And the funny part is that some of us love being slaves to these things; we do not mind, not one bit, when these thing control us. We always tend to find ourselves in sticky situations, to be torn between the choice of individualism and of being socially accepted, the choice of following your mind or your heart, the choice of being loved deeply and of being loved widely, the choice of being your own saviour or of waiting for that one saviour, or even the choice of making a choice! We could go on and on listing the choices that we have to make everyday, every hour and every single moment of our lives. So is, getting over this entire slavery, one of the many choices that are offered to us?
Always easier said than done. But can we, really, choose to liberate ourselves from all these choices that control us? This could be the next step of human evolution; to cut down all these strings and rise to a certain level. There are humans who have evolved to that certain level; the others are slaves to fear. There is a certain kind of fear that every human possesses- Fear. If there is one thing that everyone is scared of then it it 'the unknown'. The so-called society is made up of everything known to humans; anything unknown is rejected out fear only because of not being able to understand, and the ones who explore these unknown realms are either suppressed or are crushed and destroyed brutally. And even after knowing all of this, there are some explorers that refuse to be either suppressed or crushed. Their guts don't fuel them. Like a certain kind of darkness is needed to see the stars, in the same way, a certain kind of madness is needed to explore the unknown realms of human existence, human relations, human efforts, etc. These mad explorers are evolved and have reached to that level. And this madness is contagious. If we let this madness touch us, if not anything, at least we'll be on the way to evolution (evolution as it is, is a continuous process); and we will be able to rise to that next level altogether.
No ones says that this is easy; in fact, this might be the most difficult journey that a human could go on; no one will understand you, very few will even think of trying to take the efforts to understand you, people might fear you, worship you, hate you, admire you, love you... it is very unpredictable. Once you start exploring these realms, you are at a very dangerous level, but you are a very dangerous person too. And the most difficult task, is letting this madness wash all over your soul, with this madness cutting down the strings of choices, and even then, not being a slave to this madness. To take control over this madness and not letting it go the other way round.
When you are born a human, there are a few things you don't have a say over- like making mistakes, being afraid, being unsure and so on. Everyone goes through this, even the mad explorers. But the only difference between these mad explorers and socially acceptable normal human beings is the readiness of getting over them. You could be one of the very few socially accepted mad explorers, you could be socially accepted normal human beings, or you could be the mad explorers. I would definitely insert two words from one of my beloved books that triggered me to try to be one of the mad explorers- "CLAIM YOURSELF."
Let us not be the kind of society that suppresses or tries to destroy the mad explorers, let's try to be the society made up of the mad explorers, I mean what is the big bad society made up of, if not people like you and me? And if that is not possible, at least let's try to not take the efforts of suppressing them and (if not able to support than) leave them alone with their exploring.
There are some of us, already exploring some of the unknown realms, and we are looking forward to come across more and more explorers. Keep exploring, keep inspiring and trust the madness within.

Illusions

2015-11-01T23:53:00.000-08:00

During the past one week, or probably the entire past year, I've again and again come across the fact that we humans love to be under illusions. Mostly that one of 'can't'. We always let ourselves believe that we cannot do a certain thing, cannot accomplish a certain task, and so on. If we do try, and then decide that a certain thing is not meant for us, it's a completely understandable reaction. But about something that we haven't ever tried, who do we ourselves decide that we can't do it. Knowing your own positive and negative aspects is a very good thing and a very necessary one too. But without giving it a shot, why do we decide that, "Naah! This just isn't me." Is it the fear of failure that stops us from doing some things? Is it the fear of dissapointing the ones that love you and look upto you? Is it the fear of being laughing stock to the ones who already look down at you? Or is it something else that we aren't aware of?
Attempting to do something out of your comfort zone, something that you've never done before and probably something that you haven't even though of doing before can be scary, and our insecurities (which we all have) don't help a lot. There's a very interesting quote by Andrew Murphy which says, "You are only confined by the walls you build yourself." I believe those walls to be our comfort zones, and these walls block us from seeing the outside world as well as stop us from seeing our true caliber. Breaking these walls and pushing yourself isn't easy. It's going to be like a tornado, it's going to toss and turn, flip, destroy your spirit and everything you think you know about yourself, but when this tornado is done with you, you'll come out with knowing about something that you CAN do and something that you CANNOT. And isn't all of it worth a little more insight into yourself?
Knowing your limits, knowing exactly when are you pushing yourself too hard is very much necessary for this process. Seems to be contradicting all of the above? Let's try again, pushing yourself hard enough to know your extent but not so hard that you end up breaking youself. The trick is not to jump but to go ahead step by step.
Personally, I think that this process starts when you accept yourself. Just the way you are, with all your flaws, all your insecurities, all your fears. After the stage of self acceptance, comes the evolution. So from 'I know I can do this' to 'let's see if I can do this too' is a long way, but if we decide to put ourselves through certain tests that we haven't before, we just might come across something wonderful about ourselves. And if we all keep doing this, the world will certainly be a better place to live in, because really, is there anything more magnificent than humans trying to discover more about themselves and along the way helping others to do the same? I think not. We're blessed with the ability to think and act likewise. Why not make the most out of it?

It's all about exploring.

Author's note: I hope you like the article. Make sure you visit both of my inspirations. Thank you. :)
Amey Musmade- http://ameymusmade.blogspot.in/?m=1
And
PRS Explorers-
https://m.facebook.com/PRS-Explorers-745840468866876/?ref=bookmarks

There's More To Life

2015-10-13T02:20:00.001-07:00

Author's note: First off, I'll like to thank all my readers. WordsFromLifee completed 3 years last month!! All thanks to you wonderful people out there who read this blog. Keep reading, keep reviewing. :) :) :)

We all, at least once in a lifetime, tend to use the words, "There's more to life" or a question like, "Isn't there more to life?" School going kids, college students, corporate mobs, artists, old people, everyone tend to say that, "There's a big world out there and so much more to life". And the funny thing is, everyone is right! There is so much that we haven't heard of, places that we haven't been to, things that we haven't seen, feelings that we haven't felt, things we haven't experienced... It's a scary thought, isn't it? Almost makes you realize how tiny we are and how limited time we have. But, I always say, "We do have very little time given to us, and we have to try to make the most of it while we are here. But, even if it's little and we don't exactly know how much, it's enough to do what we are meant to do and reach where we're meant to be (if used properly of course)." Getting back to my point, we do say that there's so much more to life; but do we have a tendency to sometimes forget these exact same words?

Letting go, moving on, forgiving and forgetting- Easier said than done, right? Letting go and moving on from a broken heart, a broken friendship, forgiving and forgetting someone that has wronged us in so many ways, especially when the memories, good and bad, keep coming back to haunt you, going through the consequences of the wrong they've done to us, fills us up with a lot of bitterness and the kind of hatred, which we never new we were able to posses. This does tend to happen when we are a lot close to someone and then drifting off or misunderstandings, or fights. Do we remind ourselves that there's more to life when we sometimes act cold hearted towards these people? (A/N: Ignoring such people does help though) Not having said something that we should have, a third person trying and succeeding to ruin something precious between you and a loved one, not getting something that you deserve, achieving and then loosing something that we have worked for a long time, everything fills us up with the bitterness of emotions like regret and revenge, which I personally believe are useless. Regret is not going to take you anywhere at all and even if it seems that revenge is going to take you down to the road of comfort and peace, history has again and again proven that it does not, and is again followed by regret. So I stick to my words, "Regret and Revenge are both useless emotions."

We humans are a lot more than flesh and bones, and our emotions make up a major part of us. And negative emotions like hatred, revenge and regret are only strings that hold us down from soaring up high and seeing what is the 'more' in "More to life". I know that we can't eliminate these emotions from ourselves, but we sure can attempt to convert them into something equally powerful but positive too? And I have a strong belief that if all of us keep making these attempts, we can make this world a better place to live in.

Together we can!

Start With Yourself...

2015-06-17T10:31:00.000-07:00

Author's note: I know that a lot of my previous posts have been about human relations and before that, I started this blog with a post about depression. This one too, is close by. If this post manages to change the outlook towards the entire topic, even for one reader of mine, I'm going to count that as a plus score in my favor. Do read and review. :)

A few months ago, two of well-known Indian actresses, revealed about their depression phase that they had in the past and it set the media on fire. I am a believer. So I am not going to label what these two women did as a 'cheap publicity stunt' (which people do a lot), in fact, I think it was a pretty good decision, and a good way for them to raise awareness about something like depression. Everyone, everywhere, for a while gave immense attention to this, just like they do every time, everyone was talking about how they were sympathetic towards the people who were going through depression, and how they would do anything to help the people going through it and all. But truth to be spoken, I read a quote some time ago which I would like to mention here, "The worst thing about Human Relations is that we can never know what someone is going through. We could be standing next to someone completely broken and still not know..." to do anything when it comes to 'help' people with depression, you first have to know. It was really strong of those two women to talk about it so openly. But sometimes, things backfire, and that too in the least expected way. And I choose not to hold those women responsible for it. Maybe it was just a poor choice of words.

What I am talking about is, a few days ago, I read a post, on a very popular social networking site, "10 signs that you might have depression. Just like *insert actress's name here*!!" I read it, and for a few seconds went, "Wait what?!!" I mean, there are some crazy fans of her out there. What if, to be 'just like her' they push themselves into this terrible and terrifying thing?? And secondly, how could you explain people things like depression in 10 points! Okay, so you put down 10 symptoms of depression, and expect people to understand? Not always do people read more into it, and they just can't grip one simple point that the writer of this post forgot to mention in these 10 points, depression is much more than the mere symptoms. It's a two way traffic, the symptoms of depression and sadness are so similar that most of the time, one of them is misunderstood for the other. And because of absurd posts like these, people have started looking at depression like a trend, not like a real problem. Most of the times people who actually suffer from depression have to listen to things like, "Get over it", "We all have problems in life, you are not the only one" or even "People who are living a life even in worse conditions are living happily, look at them, and think yourself as lucky enough" and the worse one is, "there is no such thing as depression, you are just an attention seeker". Let me do my best at cancelling these things out one by one, People with depression cannot 'just get over it', depression is nothing like a breakup from a long lasting relationship, you cannot 'just get over' depression; Sometimes, people with depression are not even going through the problems that life serves you on a platter, depression has nothing to do with our usual problems in life, depression can choose you even if you have a well settled life, job, and all. Depression can choose you regardless of how life has been treating you; Talking to people with depression about the 'less-fortunate' ones will not help them, it will just make them feel even worse about themselves; And last, but not the least, depression is not an attention seeking problem, the ones that really go through depression most of the time want to disappear and be invisible, they do everything that can help you not see them.
Depression is not an attention seeking problem, but people who actually don't go through it, and pretend about it, have managed to turn it into a trend, a joke, and they always manage to get the 'attention'. Do you understand what I am hinting towards here? Some attention-seeking freaks use depression as a way to have things the way they want, and the 'society' shuns the entire concept, problem, and issue regarding depression. Depression does not ask for attention or even sympathies, just knowing, that someone is there for you is helpful, Depression does not ask you to stop living your life and keep fussing over the person suffering it, all it asks for is when the person is feeling lonely and worthless, just knowing that he/she is not alone. Depression does not always end with death, people fight against it and stand up again, but you can never know what will the person rise as; people either deal with depression and give into the darkness and manage to be an symbol of light, or they keep looking for light and achieve it one day.
There are two kinds of attitudes that are very necessary to make up this world, one is, "If I can do it alone, anyone can." and the other one is, "I know how doing it alone felt like, I'm going to be one call away if you need me." Without both of these attitudes, the worlds is not a good place to live in. All I want to state at the end of this article is, "You might not even know if someone close to you might be going through tough things like depression, Be kind to everyone... start with yourself."

-Nidhi Paralikar

(My) The Ultimate Reality

2015-06-07T09:28:00.000-07:00

Author's note: Dear readers, I hope you enjoy reading this. And I really wish people figure out what I want to say here. I do get somewhat twisty now and then. Read and review. :)

May it be philosophers, psychologists, doctors, engineers, every man has their own concept of Ultimate Reality. I have mine. I believe that everything between life and death, is the Ultimate Reality. Everything that we perceive through our senses, everything that we perceive without our senses, throughout the time between our life and death, all that people call 'living', that, for me, is the Ultimate Reality. 'Life' and 'Death' too are a part of Ultimate Reality. I am not crossing out the options of 'life before life' and 'life after death', because, I'm only human. And here's a truth- I don't know if either of them exist. I don't know if there's heaven, I don't know if there's hell, I don't know if there's re-birth, I don't even know if there's a tomorrow and I don't know if there is this One The Ultimate Reality that is the creator, controller and the destroyer out there. I don't know. And, I don't like not having answers, I hate it when I don't understand things, and I absolutely loathe 'not knowing'. But I have let go of the things that I have mentioned above. I have let go of those things that I don't know, but, that's just for now. Because there is so much to know about my version of the Ultimate Reality that sometimes there's just not enough time in a day for thinking about the above mentioned stuff.

My version of The Ultimate Reality has nothing to do with a God that has a particular form, that has limits and boundaries, it has nothing to do with something specific that you point out and say, "This and only this, is God." That's not the way I like to think about it. A few years ago I read a book. It had a quote that said, "There is a Fire. A fire from which all the light and dark is born." Ever since, I believe that Fire to be God. That's God for me. My Ultimate Reality is this life that I live. Every person I have come across in my life? My Ultimate Reality. Every incident that occurred with me? My Ultimate Reality. Everything I see happening around? My Ultimate Reality. This road that I walk on, the ideologies that I come across, the emotions that I see and feel, everything that 'IS' is my version of Ultimate Reality.

I have been studying Philosophy for the past three years. The Concept of God. There is so much from the past to learn about this topic, just like everything else, that after a while you become mentally exhausted. Because all of it, each and every one of it, is so different, so interesting, and most of it, so real! But none were really able to become My Concept Of God. This quote did.

The best thing about holding 'view' is 'There are as many views, as many humans exist." Not all of you readers might agree to me, but dear readers, isn't that the fun of it? If a view is never formed, there is no counter view about it. The wrongness and the rightness of the view comes as the second stage. You just have to have a view, about everything and anything. We are humans, we are meant to question everything, find answers, counter question them, form our own views. We have to stay open minded for other views, and have to be ready to question ourselves.

There is so much earthly stuff we need to figure out, find out, understand, I just think we have to go out there and start looking out, it is to start question and discussing ideologies. There is so much to do, so much to know, so much to think of... We are given the mind, the conscious and the subconscious for a reason. Or shall I say, we have 'developed' them for a reason. And if that is less, there is the Unconscious... What are there.. like 7 Billion people (and counting) around the world? So many minds, imagine how much knowledge the world holds!! And there is still all about history and geography, the is still so much under the mystery section!

I am not saying the great thinkers are wrong, I am not saying that one must not follow their views, all I am saying is... there is so much stuff about The Ultimate Reality and The Concept of God, compare these views to the chemical formula of water for a minute. There is Hydrogen, and there is Oxygen, And both of them are very much real, very much true, very much there... and when these two gases come together, the form an entirely different element! Just like that, if we just use all of the given views, to form a different one, a one that is our own, who knows what we would come up with?

Keep questioning, keep answering, keep forming views, keep reviewing them, keep coming across new views, and most of all... keep creating.

-Nidhi Paralikar

Just the Ladylike Me: Ladies and Gentlemen!!

2015-05-04T00:57:00.000-07:00

Author's note: I don't mean to offend anyone with this. This is again something that I have enjoyed writing. From start till the end. I would like my wonderful readers to keep an open mind while reading this. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing this. Read and review :)

A few weeks ago some of us girl-friends met. We do that once in a while to catch up with each other, since being in different colleges, studying entirely different subjects doesn't really help much with keeping the bond intact. Yes, you imagined it right, a group of 5-6 girls sitting in a cafe discussing things. Here is where the most difficult part for me kicks in. You see, when you get out of your school, into the 'outside world', you meet people with great minds with whom you can keep having conversations and never get fed up or bored, you might even repeat topics while talking but getting to know someone's outlook towards things right from gummy bears and teddy bears to their concept about God, or love, or the universe, that I enjoy. So I would any time talk about philosophy and writers and comics over lipsticks and Bollywood and fashion. I think you get my point here. The girls in this group are those who love to talk about the new fashion trends, Facebook friends, interesting tweets from celebrities, and how they watch new Rom-com movies every time with their boyfriends. Nothing's wrong with that, in fact these too are discussable topics, it is just me that can't get a grip on them. I enjoy Rom-com movies, I like to read about new fashion trends, but not so much to discuss about them for two hours. Hey! An individual can have her own opinion, right? And my opinions about these things are not so much... how can I put it... acceptable. So I don't change them, I just keep them to myself. So when conversations go down that road, I tune out. My sub-conscious mind is my awesome savior at such times because even when I am not really paying a lot of attention to it, or take part in these talks, it manages to record a few things just enough for me to talk about it for a while next time, before tuning out again.

This time when we met, they had a topic at hand that girls world wide like talking 'about' but very rarely accepting it. Yes. Boys. They went on and on, good things, then bad things, mostly complaining, and then again good stuff and the cycle went on and on. Until one of the girls decided to make a very bold statement, and well, me being the person I am, decided to take part in this conversation. That's what she said- "There are no gentlemen left in our generation." [A/N: You see what I did there?? ;)] See, when you have brothers who is are through gentlemen, when you have a lot, and I mean very good and more than girls, guy friends, who again are somewhat really close to gentlemen, you just can't keep your opinions to yourself. You can't!! I did not react much, I don't know why was I the victim of many sour looks and sounds somewhat between a disappointed grunt and a short but deep wail when I said, "You speak as if there are many ladies born in our generation to treat those men right." Give those boys a break girls! Being a gentleman is the combination of 40% mental maturity and 60% choice. The same ratio goes in with women.

I am not a feminist, I really don't understand and after the 'My Choice' video by Vogue featuring Deepika Padukone, I really wouldn't choose to talk about feminism, not now, and probably never. I really don't think Women Empowerment is only about Freedom of dressing and Freedom of sexual activities. I like to think of it more into the terms of freedom of thought and the choice of rising about the society system.

Anyway, I remember reading a quote on Facebook saying, "It is a mother's duty to teach the daughter how to be a lady, but it is a father's duty to show her how is a lady supposed to be treated."

I personally, really, think that being a 'lady' is a lot above sophistication, being pretty, and dinner etiquettes. I agree they help. But as far as I've seen and learnt, being a lady is being head-strong about handling situations but also being in touch with your emotional side. Being a lady is staying strong in tough situations and sticking to your decisions, being a lady is about accepting it when you are wrong, and fighting for it till no extent if you are right and a lot more. Now, when you have been reading through this, I think you remembered those situations in which you have behaved this way. That is what I am trying to prove ladies! In each woman, girl, there's a lady. You just have to be in touch with that side of yours more than the other one. Being a lady, is rising above petty things like prettiness and being beautiful, and something, which is difficult to understand in such a limited writing space.

When I said my brothers and my guy friends are gentlemen, do you really think I was talking about them giving me a hand while getting out of the lift/car? Do you really think I was talking about them pulling out a chair for me and help me in, or lending me their coats when I'm cold?? Hell no! If they help me out of the lift/car, it is if they want me to trip, if they are going to pull out a chair, trust me they'll pull it to the extent where I actually fall while sitting down. While talking keeping in mind that there a girl sitting with them and ignoring disgusting and perverted topics?? I really could burst out laughing at the thought of this. Thanks to these people I know most of the swear words (sometimes which annoys my mum to no extent). And I still call them gentlemen. I might have a reason right? I do. They open doors for me, they open doors of thought for me and vice versa. They annoy me to no extent, but that is because it is me. I know they wouldn't behave like that with other girls before thinking 10 times. They are boyish, and then they are not. Being a gentleman, according to me, is knowing where to act smart/clever and where to act wise, for me, it isn't about being kind to women all the time, it is about knowing when to be harsh and when to be kind, and something, again, which is difficult to explain in such short words and in such a limited space.

You see people, not everyone is going to understand this, some people will always behave immaturely, they'll be disrespectful and really annoying, they'll be someone you want to abuse on daily terms, commonly knows as jerks and b****** in our generation. But I really want to request you, that before you generalize and say things like "There are no gentlemen left in our generation" or "All women are (insert offensive words here)" look around you. Because the lady/gentleman in you is already busy complimenting and helping the lady/gentleman in the person in front of you. We are just too ignorant and tend to overlook that, And if you pay attention and don't find what I say as true, you might want to consider changing the company you keep.

Other than that,

Cheers to all of you, because in all you men, there's a gentleman and in all we girls/women, there's a lady. Keep complimenting each other's personalities and let's keep rising and helping others rise. Let's try to stop playing blame games. Let's just stop blaming the 'society' and let's be what society is meant to be.

-Nidhi Paralikar.

The Fairytale

2015-04-25T10:35:00.000-07:00

Author's note: This post of mine is un-edited. It's raw. I would like to keep it this way. Read and review.

...The Fairy Tale...

All over the internet I find quotes saying, "Girls mostly fall for the wrong guy because he seems to say all the right things." or even "Love doesn't hurt. Loving the wrong person does." And I think this might just be the right place to quote my friend exactly as he said it, "Girls love jerks." I couldn't agree more to all of these quotes you know. All of them. I know how it goes. Exactly the system. A girl getting introduced to a new life-a perfect looking guy coming along with an aura of mystery and Prince Charmingness-awkward introduction-budding friendship-best friends-"Aw my God you guys look like you are made for each other"-Love for the very first time-Him making her feel like shes the most beautiful, desirable person on the planet-fairytale type of moments shared-someone more perfect than her coming along-struggle to keep the relationship intact from both sides-insecurities, jealousy, over possessiveness creeping in-the final blow-break up-the girl unnecessarily turning into a cold bitch and the guy turning into a bastard and none of them living happily ever after because they decide to control something waay beyond the human world and physical existence known as love. How does that sound? That's the most commonly found version of our modern world fairytales. But you know what do I personally think? The good guys, they need to speak up, to the girls that they tend to like. Not in front of your friend who you complain about getting all the girls. That is exactly how they say all the right things. Because you decide to open your feelings in front of that person itself. The good guys, just like the good girls, mange to fall too much in love with one person, believe in unconditionally loving someone, and then if they actually pass the levels of giving-up-on-the-one-they-love-for-his/her happiness and date this person, they believe in loving someone to the very end, even if it breaks them inside out. And once they are broken, all their morals about love, everything goes creeping away from the person they were in love with. And they go creeping away from themselves too but they manage to get over that. Some of them... most of them don't take it very well and turn into what people in our times enjoy calling 'bastards and bitches'. You know this is real and you can't deny.
There's a beautiful piece of conversation in the movie 'Pretty Woman' (A.N- If you haven't watched the movie yet, please do.) that I would love to mention right now.
Vivian: I want more.
Edward Lewis: I know about wanting more. I practically invented the term. The question is how much more?
Vivian: I want the fairy tale.
This is exactly the things with we girls. We want the fairy tale. And then we realize that we are no damsels in distress, we are not looking for saviors, rather, we are looking for someone to accept, admire and adore us. We are not looking for someone to come save us from the big bad world, because hey! What is the big bad world made up of, if not people like you and me?? We are looking for someone who will love us and live with us in the big bad world. Now don't go all the way down calling me a feminist. I don't know what that word means and I am going to keep that topic for another post. I don't know about other girls, I am not looking for a savior. Hell, I ain't even looking out for a guy right now. Too much in love with myself and my freedom. But if I would ever look out, I know I won't look out for a fairy tale, the world I live in? Happily ever after exists during the day when you have a good day with your friends, or your family, or a cup of coffee and a good book. I would look out for someone... who actually thinks with his mind, keeps his ego and temper in check or something like that. I don't really know. All I know is, I've been doing all the saving I need for myself.
I've been striving to write a love story for quiet a while now. And I keep trying. Everytime I realize my story is nothing different from so many written I tear it off, put the pen again on a fresh new paper or put my fingertips on the keyboard and start again. I want to write a love story because I know I can. I don't want to write a fairy tale. I just want to write something, sticking to reality, but still a little happy. I don't want to write a rom-com. I want to write a downright romance story. And I will. I am not going to stop trying. Until I actually create what I have in mind, until I create what I have been striving for, I am not going to stop trying. I want to get out of the way.
I've made a few promises that I plan on keeping, till the end of time. And even after.
-Nidhi Paralikar

The First Step

2015-02-21T02:31:00.001-08:00

Writer's note: I really kept this as short as I could, but some things are just meant to expand out of their limits. This article is my way of thanking the 'PRS Explorers'. This article is for 'The Mad Hatter' because maybe without him, the Alice in me would have never gotten used to 'The Wonderland', without Hatter's friendship, maybe Alice would have always kept seeing "bonkers or being of the hook" as a bad thing. (Special thanks to Hans Zimmer for creating the awesome music that he does.) And finally this is for the crazy ones, "...Because maybe the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who actually do.".....

...THE FIRST STEP...

They say a journey ends when the traveller reaches his/her destination. And each destination has two roads; one that goes to it, and one that goes from it. The journey of 'The Staircase' was one of the most precious ones for me and probably to all of the ones who have been a part of it since day 1. And after we had reached the destination, the world around us was the same. Nothing had changed for them, and for us? Everything had. Sometimes things change around and you can do nothing about it, and sometimes you change, and things around you can do nothing about it. 'The Staircase' changed us. A friend of mine asked me how did 'The Staircase' begin. I really had no answer, actually, I did have many answers but I did not know how to place them, so I just smiled and said, "It chose us." Because I really don't know where and how did it begun. Did it begun at, "Guys, Infinity event! Drama competition! Let's do this! What say?" or did it begun at "So you're into creative writing and all, huh?" Who knows..

We had creative differences, there were very few times but yes there were when we literally wanted to bite each other's heads off, but then we all used to reach one common point and it was great because all along the way, we worked like a team. As much as the others love denying it, I still would say that 'The Staircase' also helped me bond with my friends. 'PRS Explorers' might not remain the same after a few years, but every time each member thinks of this time we had together, or the samosas and coffee, or the sleepless nights, they're going to smile, and that smile will be priceless.

'The Staircase' revolves around something unspoken. Or probably something that is widely discussed. 'The Staircase' is concrete and abstract. The plot, the character building, the character baking, the script, the rehearsals, the team-bonding time, the win, the loss, the help, and then the win in the most twisted way, these were just some steps and PRS Explores just went on pushing and pulling each other to the next steps and the entire team kept climbing, and on 19th February 2015 it felt like we reached there. The excitement never cooled down but after the judges declared their decision and we got away from that place, we sat down for some time, No one said anything, no one was laughing, no one was crying, comfortable silence spread over, and none of us uttered a single word, and that moment... was undefinable. I really can't define it or put it into words. Because in that silence we went on thanking each other for nothing or for everything. I won't be shocked if I find myself in tears at the end of this article. Because all of us felt like we had reached to the top of it. But in reality, we had just climbed the first step, and as much as we wanted it to be the same, we all were still climbing different sets of 'The Staircase'.

For me, personally, 'The Staircase' came into my life when I needed it the most. 'The Staircase' has been my teacher. IT has taught me to keep the dark and light balanced, IT has taught me to believe in myself. The day 'The Staircase' comes back to life after a few years, maybe more grandly, and I know it will, the day the world will understand the ideology behind 'The Staircase', will be the day they will understand how high can the human world can rise. 'The Staircase' happened to me because of me, 'The Staircase' happened to me because of the PRS Explorers. 'The Staircase' happened to me because of that one person. And through this I have learned that to reach 'The Staircase' you have to still climb many and many other sets of staircases and the secret to get there is start climbing. I remember the night before our final performance of 'The Staircase' as a skit I and my co-writer, my buddy, we were quarrelling and we had it fixed in our mind that we were not going to win. That night he told me, "We are not going there to compete with anyone, we are going there to rule" and that happened. The characters came to life and then they died. But we are going to be here. They are within us. All of us are them. They are us.

Someone once told me, "We can do this. Together we can." This journey ended on a very happy note. We reached there in a grand way, but alas! I am sad that the journey had to end. And now I'm again on the road, waiting and running to achieve something else. And what did I win? I won myself, I won a way of hoping again, I won courage, I won the battle in a very twisted, wicked way that no one other than my soul knows about, I won the dark in me, I won the light in me. I cut down the strings... and now? I'm free...

Signing off for now,

-Nidhi Paralikar

When the calm looses it's cool...

2015-01-31T22:36:00.001-08:00

The hell was set loose

Because the calm had lost it's cool

Once more..
There was no comfort in words anymore,
There was no hatred either,
I found something entirely different,
That day...
It was the transformation,
Of pain... into something,
Something more powerful ever seen..

The hell was set loose
To put the paradise together
And because the calm had lost it's cool,
The setting sun of hope rose again,
In all it's golden glory,
Just like the phoenix rising,
Burnt from it's own flames
Rising from it's own ashes..

A meeting was arranged
Between the devil and the angel
Within the human himself
And because the calm had lost it's cool
They came to a conclusion
To make their 'host'
Unstrangeled...
Unbreakable...
Unstoppable...
Uncontained...

-Nidhi Paralikar

My Realization Day

2015-01-16T07:50:00.001-08:00

Author's note: This is something that crossed my mind when I was talking to one of the most important person in my life. But as usual this is my personal view. I hope you enjoy reading. Read and review!! :)

...My Realization Day...

As any 18 year old girl of this generation, I grew up listening and watching stories ending with "And they lived happily ever after!" You can't really blame me for believing a tall, dark, handsome, prince will come riding on a white horse, save me from the big bad world and we will ride into sunset towards our happily ever after! Well, I don't believe that now, since 2-3 years to be more accurate. But anyways, moving on. One day when I was lost in deep thoughts about life (sounds too dramatic doesn't it?) I just came across this thought, "The one, the tall dark handsome prince, My knight in the shining armour, My Prince Charming is after all, going to be the part of this Big Bad World!" And I entirely gave up the thought of finding THE ONE or as I enjoy calling him, The Knight In The Shining Armour.

The people in my family believe that I am and always was a strong, arguing, talkative, outdoors kind of girl, but in reality? I can't even get a few words out in front of a guy who I used to have a crush on, I just used to stand there gaping like a stupid gold fish when he used to talk and sometimes nod. And after a year or so, he found this perfect looking girl who was umm... socially un-weird? (Is that a term?) Yup. That is who I was. I have been pretty much of a loner for 16 years, it's not like I have any problem with people or anything, I just used to enjoy books my company more than of other girls in my school who enjoyed gossiping about the hotness of Bollywood actors, boys, nail paints and different kinds of cosmetic products that used to launch every week! In the social atmosphere, I was pretty invisible. Invisible and happy! Until one day, school was over. When I entered High school, I met this guy. And he, wanted me to, as I like to quote him directly here, "Discover the beauties of social settings which you are missing out on when you are buried neck deep and crying over fictional characters in a book!" And being the person that I am, I just went, "Woah! Are you the knight in the shining armour?" That.. made him pretty awkward but he just told me he was not any 'knight', he was just a brat who was going to help me get over the social-awkwardness that I had... And till an extent, it worked! I was now talking to people, and making friends!

And then a few things happened. I pushed everyone away from me, built a wall around myself, A very thick one. I did not let anyone enter. No one was allowed. And when I wanted to get out of that loneliness, when I wanted someone's help me to break the wall, there was no one around me. Not because people did not love me enough, but because I had blocked them out. I was responsible for all that was happening to me. And I? I was waiting for my savior to come. I was pretty lonely inside those four walls, except the empty armour kept in a corner. Out of frustration I even kicked it twice or thrice, and the armour, as it was empty, tumbled to the ground, and I did put it back together again. And once, when I was placing the toppest part of the armour, the helmet, I saw something in that shining armour, it was my own face. That is when it struck me. There was no one coming to save me. I was my own savior. I had to be my own 'knight in the shining armour'! So, I wore the armour, kept trying to break the wall, the armour got a lot of scratches, sometimes the wounds even reached till my skin and with every brick that fell, light started rushed inside... but at the end, I broke that wall. I was back in the outside world. As they say, back with a bang! I was a stronger, better and at last but not the least happier person.

And the feeling of achievement I got? It was indescribable! It was the most beautiful experiences that I have had in my entire life... And now I simply know.. Come what may, I can face it.. I know I won't run away anymore... And THAT was my realization day...

-Nidhi Paralikar

Happy

2015-01-09T03:41:00.000-08:00

Author's Note: Dear readers, this comes straight from my heart and there is a 99% chance that you will find this a lot informal. So like you always do, read this one too from your heart itself and review too. :)

...HAPPY...

Since a few days, everyone has been telling me that I am, glowing. I don't know what that means. I am the same person anyways. I just know that I am happy. And that is what actually matters right? Being happy matters a lot more than being rich or famous or any of it. And I recently have learned, that when the source of happiness is from within yourself, no outer force can ruin it. I am happy with myself. I have started praising and scolding myself. I don't need others to do it for me... hey! Does this happen to everyone when they turn 18? I guess not. Well actually, I hope not. I like to tell myself I'm pretty awesome and have achieved some huge thing by opening another door of self- realization or something like that.

I asked many people, what happiness meant for them. It was very exciting and sometimes funny to know what happiness meant for people. Some answers were like, Happiness is having fun!! or Happiness is getting a holiday!! Some were a bit on the serious outlook like Happiness for me is achievement or happiness is true love. Happiness is loving someone without expectations, finding true love, happiness is family, happiness is peace and other people being happy (Yes! You guessed right!! This answer is of my mom!), happiness is being somewhere in a natural environment, happiness is reading books, happiness is spending money on shopping, happiness is earning money, happiness is the success of my grand-children, happiness is calmness and solitude, happiness is watching movies... everyone had so many different views about this one simple felling named under a simple 5 letter word "H-A-P-P-Y".

I have a friend. He's a writer too. And when two writers who have entirely different perspectives about things sit just chit-chatting, it turns into (and I personally like calling it), a party of two! The exchange of ideas, getting to know how one thing can have an entirely different side for someone else, I know you are thinking it might lead to quarrels, but it does not, I like using the word fascinating. It really is fascinating to have a conversation with an exchange of not just words, but the exchange of ideas. Once, during this kind of conversation of ours, he told me, "Happiness for me is subjective!" I did not say anything about it at first, but I did not agree to it too. Because till last year, my philosophy about happiness was that, Happiness is distributed all around you, you just have to go grab your share of it. But now, I actually do agree with him. Our happiness does depend on our personal feelings, taste and opinion.

As long as my happiness was based on external things, like shopping, or friendships, or a significant other person, I had a lot of experiences of things not happening the way I wanted to and thus, my happiness getting affected. I have come a long way from there now though. I believe in myself more than I believe in other things, people and also The Ultimate Reality. I blame myself, scold myself and forgive myself too, but I don't let that affect my happiness. A year ago I was crying about why I had to choose. I did not want any choice. This or that. I was crying because I knew whatever I choose would not be the right choice. But now, I changed that too. I have stopped looking at it as the right choice or the wrong choice. I have started seeing at options. So now, when someone tells me, 'as a matter of choice', I think, It is not the choice between right and wrong. It is the choice between two things, two options. Pick any, and make it a right choice.

Happiness is not a matter of fate,

Happiness is a matter of personal belief and choice.

A Letter To A Dear Friend..

2015-01-07T10:15:00.000-08:00

Author's Note: I have a friend, cares too much, cries too much, loves too much.. and like any other person, get's hurt too much. This is my letter to this friend of mine, some words that I have been trying to reach out to him with. But when you, yourself are shut in, it is difficult to reach out to people; I've observed. Anyways, here we go.. Read and review :)

Dear Friend,

When our parents tell us that there is a lot more for us to see in the outside world (Which they tend to call the BIG BAD WORLD) and we just smile to ourselves thinking,"Aur kya dekhna baaki hai?" (what else is there to see), trust me they are not wrong. I understand you my dear. And not just me. Each and every one of the PRS Katta understand you. Okay let's put it this way, we all know what you are going through; maybe, like you are thinking right now, we don't understand what you are going through, but we know you, and thus, we know how are you going to react to it. I am not here to give you a lengthy lecture of how to live your life because a.) that is entirely your choice and b.) You and I both know I am a perfect example of how a 17.. oops! 18 now. Almost forgot! I am a perfect example of how an 18 year shouldn't be. But these are just some things I've learnt and seen.. which I want you to know about. I know we have talked about the below with intervals and very briefly.. but here you go once more.

You Are Not Responsible For Everything That Happens Around You: No. I'm not blaming this on you. But I know you hold yourself responsible for everything bad that happens around you. Luckily I am one step ahead of you in this! Yup! I've done the exactly same thing until one day I woke up with a "to hell with it! It is their fault!!" Okay no. I just wanted to sound a bit awesome but you know that's not the truth. It's like a Venn Diagram. Our lives intersect with many other's. But just some portion of it. Them and you are not the same set! Yes, in many cases you are responsible for what happens in your life, but not theirs. Well, not always! Let them take the responsibility of their actions my friend. Don't get me wrong, be there for them, warn them that they are going to fall down, and even if they do, help them stand up again, but make them walk. Pain and Mistakes are the best teachers. It's alright if they fall, they'll learn. Don't keep regretting on the fact that you did not hold them when they were falling. Be proud that you helped them stand up!

Love is an open door! : For further reference visit my blog where I have written a poem. Just kidding! Give love a chance dear! Maybe the one who broke your heart will come back running into your arms or that person will go farther away from you. Maybe someone new (or old) will come in your life and change it entirely!! But trust me all things happen for a good reason. So don't shut your heart inside the cage. Let it out. Let it get acquainted with pain, grief, hurt, love; all of it. Let it learn and enrich. I'm not going to write more about this.. because anyways, I am not the right person to talk about this, right?

Music!! Let music make you happy! Not sad! : Okay you're allowed to cry when you listen to something so beautiful like the microwave's "beep!" But stop relating the lyrics to your life. It'll hurt you more than the memories can alone. Always remember, Music can heal and hurt too. Listen to a French or Spanish song of which lyrics you don't understand! Listen to the rhythms, the beats! It's alright to let music make you a wee lill' bit sad, but all the time? It's a strict no no! And especially in social situations. No! Not because they'll say something, or some crap like that, but because you need to put a mask up for yourself. Maybe you'll just forget your sorrows for some time and become that mask?? But yeah, don't use it so much that you forget who you truly are. So music? Yes. But enjoy it. Loose yourself into it and explore yourself with the help of it!

Smile! Laugh! Make a fool of yourself! : Make a fool of yourself in front of the mirror. Make faces at a baby. Jump up and down the bed (don't break it or your mum will kill me :P ) In weird situations smile out of awkwardness, if you fall, laugh and then get up. Laugh.. because a great person once said, "A day spent without laughter, is a day wasted." Read comics, watch funny baby and animal videos.. Have fun dear friend have fun. Get and spread happiness. Smiling will help you a lot to get out of sticky situations, and smiles are contagious. Who knows? Maybe your smile will be the reason of someone else's happiness? And what other better social work can you do than making people smile?

Dreams are not reality. They can be; but not always. : Okay this is as far as I can go without mentioning Harry Potter. Professor Dumbledore said, "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." Those are dreams my friend. I know you have had some experiences about seeing stuff in your dreams and them turning into reality, but honey you don't always have to be too cautions about it. It's alright. Things which are meant to happen will always happen, things which are not meant to happen will never happen; in both cases, no matter what. So why worry? Stay Calm. Warn yourself about it, but don't obsess over it dear. It will cause more mental stress to you and only you. And now we don't want that, right?

My dear friend, we all love you. And you might feel like we push you away or we don't like you entering our life and all. But it is not that. We want you to grow strong. We are here. We always have been, always will be. We, all of us are one call, one message away. But like I said, we will warn you about the danger, we are not going to pull you away from it. You can either tactfully avoid the situation or face it. We are going to be around you even if you don't feel like it. Fall, get hurt, take our help if you want, get up again, smile, cry, argue, scream, shout, stay quiet and listen to the winds, listen to songs, listen to hard rock music, eat sweet, at spicy, read, watch movies.... Live!

"Explore yourself, explore life, explore the beautiful world around you my dear friend."

Loads of love and well-wishes,

Your buddy Nidhi

The Great Gamble

2014-09-28T09:27:00.002-07:00

Writer's note: I know I have been a lot lazy and have not updated here in a while.. I'm so sorry!! My college has started and it's been exhausting! I also went through a nervous breakdown. In general.. I took some time off. I wrote a few things but did not have the time to upload them also unstable internet connection :3 . But anyway, I'm up again, with full force and will try my best to be active again. :) Also, I am thinking of having those pen name kind of thing.. any suggestions? Let me know!! I hope you enjoy this article. Read and review :) :)

One of my friends, I don't even know if I am supposed to call him a friend any more, uploaded a picture (photo) of all of us, the group, on a social networking site with the quote, "When old friends don't support you, it is better to have no friends at all". Any normal reaction after seeing that, would be anger. But I felt pity. Pity towards to guy who had misunderstood 'friendship', towards the guy who expected people or rather his friends to look after him, and to not look after them, towards the guy who managed to slip out of tough situations for the group and show up after everything was over, towards the guy who who felt left alone, whereas, as a matter of fact, he always had our support. And then, the second emotion that hit me was anger. I was furious that he had become so self-centred that he did not even realize such a small action of him, could affect the group, or whatever that was left of the group in a terrible way. That this action of him, had killed whatever friendship or emotion of love that was left for him. That this tiny action of his had sent me back to the past. All those fights, all the lost friends; sent me swinging back to something I was trying so hard to forget, to run away from. And then what hit me last, was sorrow. The sorrow that I had fought hard to save everything, to make everything back to normal, make everything 'just fine' in the group and had failed... in a terrible way.

What the hell is friendship anyway, huh?! A universal definition for friendship? Well, the Oxford Dictionary says, it is the noun form of friend. They say, "friend- a person that one knows well and likes". Such an easy meaning. Then what makes friendship so complicated? I have the answer! WE! WE make this 'friendship' complicated. We humans have decided that there are only two ways of handling our relations with other people, it's either the hard way (what most of us like to call the practical way) or the soft way (the emotional way as we call it). We are humans. We make mistakes. We all make different kinds of mistakes. But one mistake that we all make, that one common mistake- Treating the right people in the wrong way, the the wrong people in the right way. Everyone gets hurt in the process, but do you know who suffers the most? You yourself. Sometimes you just can't stop yourself from committing these mistakes. You just have to go with it. Because all our relations are based on trust. And I can't remember where have I read this wonderful quote- "The only way to find out if you can trust a person, is by trusting him/her."

I personally hold this opinion that trust is a gamble. A gamble that you have to make/play at every each and every point of your life. You win, it's a jackpot! You loose, you loose everything with it, yet, you keep playing... because we hope! It's a gamble in which you have to go with your instincts, and sometimes your senses literally cheat you. It's sometimes a game of luck, sometimes a matter of experience, a game that gives you everything in a moment, but which can also snatch away everything in the blink of an eyes. But we still hope that everything 'gets right'. Because some great guy (whose name I can't remember) has said, "Ummeed pe duniya kaayam hai" Translation- "The worlds works on the idea of hope".

So my dear ex-friend, former-friend, or whatever that we are now, I forgive you for your ignorance, and I hope that you get strong enough to gamble again, and I hope you get the share of happiness that you deserve. And I also truly hope that we never ever cross paths again. Because once I loose at a slot machine, I declare it unlucky for myself. And like any other human being, I love keeping all the good luck with me and keeping all the bad luck away from me. But that's just me... just the plain, 17 year old, simple (and fabulous!! No? Okay sorry..) me.

Hoping, gambling and living, fighting my way through life towards my dream...

-Nidhi Paralikar

Stronger than this...

2014-06-02T02:52:00.000-07:00

Life was perfect. Yes. I'm lying. Life is never perfect. No body's life was perfect. But I was happy. Loving mother, caring brother, a group of people one might call friends, I was not excellent at academics, I was average. Again, I was happy. And then it stopped. They did not stop loving or caring.

Something had attached itself within itself and it was eating me from inside. Day-by-day I grew more and more dark. By dark I don't mean towards dark magic. By dark I mean, I was falling in a pit where it grew darker all the time. I was smiling and laughing outside but inside me, all the pieces were crumbling. I had no idea what had happened to me. I simply stopped. I got stuck somewhere along the way. I wanted to be happy. I did everything that was in my hand, then I stopped. I gave up hopes. I simply decided to myself that this was supposed to be my life. I never talked to anyone. I always thought it was going to bother others, and I did not want to be a problem in their lives, they were dealing with lot already. I was walking on the road alone. With no light. I did not know when was the road going to end but I kept one thing in mind, Winston Churchill had once said, "If you are going through hell, keep going." and that is what I did. I kept going on and on, I kept walking, But I was alone. I was pretending. I thought pretending to be happy would be easier than explaining what was happening to me. I was at loss of words. All I wanted to be was invisible. I did not want people to look at me, because I was scared that one day someone was going to look into me and I had no answers. I was not quitting, life had quit on me. And deep inside, I wanted someone to know what was happening to me. But I had no courage. So I became invisible.

I wanted to curl up inside my blanked and lay there. And I did. I skipped school and later on college. I skipped lunches and breakfast. That was the time when the term 'attention-seeker' had come with a full blast. I did not wanted to be called that. So I stay shut, inside my self, inside my home. I had hidden myself. I found out I was good at it. People cut themselves to reveal the pain. I never did that. I was scared someone was going to see m scars and ask why. I involved myself in subjects like Psychology and Philosophy. On one side I was completely in denial. I was reading and studying more about depression and its side effects. The more I read, the more I denied.Somehow, mom knew. Moms always know. She saw that I did not touch the food when I was home alone. She asked me why had I lost appetite, as usual I had no answer so I lied. And just to prove I was alright I started eating. I don't know what happened to me. Any little thing that made me upset, I walked into the kitchen and ate whatever I found. Sugar, biscuits, cake, salads, anything. Slowly I grew more hungry. But not the regular kind of hungry. I started craving for food items that were high with sugar and fats. Slushies and smoothies, pizzas, burgers, cheesecakes, drinking soda. It kept getting worse, I knew this was emotional hunger. Food became my best friend. It was scary, but pleasant. I felt calm for a few hours after I had eaten. I NEEDED FOOD.

It kept getting worse. And I kept getting out of control and when I realized what I was doing... it was almost too late. My mind had somewhat convinced me that people don't need me. And I was angry, all the time. I did not even know where was my anger directed towards. I was angry with myself, I was angry with the world around me, I was angry with life. And then I stopped feeling things. I felt empty. Then I met someone. No he was not "the love of my life" neither was he my "best friend". But he was there. I did not stop eating food neither did I get out of the darkness. But I found some courage. Courage to walk ahead in that darkness. It was scary but I kept walking. First I was walking only because I liked the darkness. I still love darkness but I hope for light. And I hope you do the same. Speak up. People care. We just don't see them. People really care. Just try to open up. I know its difficult, but it's for our own good. Try.. Because you are stronger than you think, you are beautiful than you know, and you make a difference. Don't shut yourself. Let your soul breathe. Live. Because people care. I care. We all do.

You are a fighter. And you are fighting beautifully. You are going to win this war. I believe in you. We all do. and I won't ask you to get out of it because I know one cannot "just get out of it" But don't let your thoughts eat you alive. You are stronger. I know you are. Stop being so hard on yourself. There is light. And you will find it. Don't give up so soon. Smile. You deserve the smile. You are stronger than all the depression, anxiety attacks, maniac episodes, eating disorders, you are stronger than all of this combined together. You matter. Life sucks! I know it does. But don't give it the right to fuck with you.

"Start controlling your life, before it starts controlling you."

-Nidhi Paralikar

Hand me a mask now.

2014-05-30T04:29:00.003-07:00

Writer's note: I wrote this poem when I was feeling really bad about myself. When I had the desperation of fitting in. And today, I don't want to. I don't want to fit in. I am happy standing out. I'm happy that I am not a part of the factory that make barbie dolls one after the other identical to each other. The poem's raw. But I don't want to improve it.. They say in Hindi "Bhaavnao ko samzo! (Meaning: Understand the feelings behind it) I hope you like it :-)

Does skinniness matter so much?
Does prettiness too???
Is enjoying books more than parties a bad thing?
Do masks matter so much?
Okay then hand me a mask!
I'm not correct?
What do you even mean by that?!
Please give me the mask,
Please let me in.
I'm really lonely, please let me in.

Okay wait! Hand me the blade now!
Let me cut a little,let me bleed a little,
I know that won't make me skinny.
I need to remove a part of me...
To fit in the world of yours,
With each cut, with each drop of blood falling,
There's a bit of me; away from myself, I'm flowing!
I will work out a lot,
Maybe starve myself a little bit too.
Now will you see me as one of you?
Please give me the mask,
Please let me in.
I'm so lonely, please let me in.

Yes! I will laugh like you!
Yes! I will walk like you tell me to!
Yes! I'll be a good girl!
Yes! I'll do what a girl has to!
Hand them over to me,
I hope these chemicals make me pretty.
Now hand he the mask please,
I'm so tired of being lonely, please let me in!!

I'm ready to use those chemicals,
I will yank,pull,burn, do everything to it,
Until the very time my body gets pretty.
No more sneakers, only heels!
Only skirts, no more jeans.
I'll use the make-up kit,
I'll paint my nails
And use those contact lenses.
Now please give me the mask,
Please let me in,
I'm so lonely, please let me in.

"You are not one of us! We are never letting you in.
You are just a wannabee! Just a despo!
You were a good show. Now go away!!"

But you never...

"OUT!"

Who are you to quit on me?
I am quitting on you!
I just realized, I'm so happy not being one of you.
No longer will flow away a part of me
Especially for people like you.
I won't be lonely, I will be my own friend.
So how about you stay locked up,
In this 'society' of yours?
Will I go discover the world
All by myself...

-Nidhi Paralikar

I can't think of a title...

2014-05-30T02:52:00.000-07:00

Writer's note: "I'm really sorry if I offend anyone through this article. This us merely something that I have been thinking of for a long time and had to get it out of my head. And a few days ago I found out this blog was where I could do it.

In the following article you will find that I have used the word chuitya. Relax a little bit. Even I used to find it offensive some time back but then I came across this video in which the guy was holding a Hindi dictionary and claimed that the word meant not more than stupid, idiot, etc, etc; and I don't know if it is true or false. But I'm still going to use it and trust me I am going to use it more than once. So I suggest that if you are going to get offended by it or hurt in any kind at all, then don't read further on. To the rest, well, I hope you enjoy reading.

As I was saying, we come across many kind of chutiyas in our lives. And they are divided into subcategories. But here, I am only going to write about that one special kind of chutiyas who live only and only to discourage you. I mean, sometimes I think that they think the only motive of their survival is to discourage you. I've not done research in this even if I was interested to. (I got caught up in reading The Fault In Our Stars by John Green for 3 days, and then had to take one day for the emotional recovery to heal the damage caused by the book.) But from people surrounding me, I observed some things. I can be wrong. But this is how I have categorized them:

Sub-categories of chutiyas (Discouraging):

"You can't do it!"
"You can do it, but I know you won't."
"This task is not for you. Just give it to me. You do something else."
"OMG!! Look at yourself!! Do you actually think you can do this?!"

1.) The "You can't do it" types:

These are that kind of chutiyas who shamelessly stand upto you and say- "You can't do it!" And they speak of it as if they know everything that you can and can't. Also, you will find them at each and every place or occasion that you are going to do something. Regardless, if you do the job and fail they will go, "I told you so!" And if you pass, they will be, "Sheer luck! This time it was sheer luck! Next time you won't be able to do this!!!" So anyway, they feel it is a win-win situation for them. Eventually, we get used to this category of chutiyas. Yes they manage to make you feel small about yourself for a while, but just for a while.

2.) The "You can do it, but I know you won't" types:

You have no idea how interesting have I found this category. They think they know everything about you. EVERYTHING. And the truth is, they don't. They know nothing about you. The have an idea of doing this specific job, but they have this time-pass to tell you they know you really well and you won't do it even if you have the chance to do it. And indirectly, they plant this strange idea in your head that "Am I really worth this job?" Sometimes, you do it anyway, but sometimes, you just step down. You step down because you feel this job is not for you.

3.) The "This task is not for you. Just give it to me. You go do something else." types:

These people. You find them everywhere. Every fu***ng place!! These people, ESPECIALLY these people; they either make you feel too good or too bad about yourself. These are somewhat similar to the 2nd type. But there is a minutely huge difference, They see you as a threat. Confuse? Okay look. They either are like,"Why are you doing this when you can do better than this?! You can do far better than this!! Go! Find what you deserve!! Leave this to me. I will do this, don't worry at all!" They don't know if you can do better than that, but they know that you can do this, maybe better than them. You are a threat to them. And in the same way, sometimes they go all," You are a little small to do this job. A little inexperienced. Maybe the next time? Not this time. Go handle something which you are capable of." Trust me you can do a lot better than that.

4.) The "OMG! Look at yourself!! Do you actually think you can do this?!!" types:

Now these are the most funniest people of all! Each one of us has met them. They discourage you about the job, holding onto the points that don't even matter in this topic. Really. They focus on what you are bad at, rather than focusing on what you are good at. They even sometimes use big words like "Reverse Psychology" but they have no idea how bad can reverse psychology backfire. I call them funny because, well, the look at yourself has nothing to do with what I cook. You see? That's a simple example I gave you here. How many times have we seen our mothers work in the kitchen with make up and blah blah blah? Looks and cooking are entirely different things. The way you look is not going to change how you cook. But they will keep talking about your looks. And eventually you feel sad. Now don't get me wrong, sadness, affects your cooking very well.

And there are many other types of chutiyas that I can't write about. All I want to say is don't let them affect you! You are awesome! You can do everything. You will fail sometimes. But you will have to get up again. Because that is the only way you can wash the tag "failure" away from your name.

-Nidhi Paralikar

The thought at 1 AM...

2014-04-24T22:57:00.000-07:00

Staring at your stained face

I never knew a story would end

And now you're the thought at 1 AM

Which I can't erase.

Doesn't rhyme, does it?

But that's my point!

Never am I gonna turn back now

Coz you're the past that I wanna forget

But now you're the thought at 1 AM

Which I just can't erase.

Doesn't rhyme, does it?

But that's my point!

Oh boy you're like an addiction

Crawling and spreading deep down in my skin

Injecting your drug into my veins

The poison of the bitter-sweet forbidden fruit

And the thought at 1 AM

Which I just can't erase!!

Some poems are not meant to rhyme baby

Just like some people are better off without each other

And maybe if you were never a part of my life

I would have slept throughout the night

And not have you as the thought at 1 AM

That I just can't erase.

And now you're the thought at 1 AM

That I just can't erase.

Just can't erase...
-Nidhi Paralikar

Rare specie- "True Friends"

2014-01-08T09:18:00.000-08:00

You know? The specie called "True Friends" has become very rare. Once upon a time these creatures existed.
Yes. They are not creatures from myth. The ones that really shared an emotional bond with you. The ones that did not need to give the relation a name but followed the path. Held your hand in good and bad news. Ones that did not backstabb you and the ones that truly saw you. The ones that knew how deep or shallow you can be at times and still stand by you. The ones that were more than family. The ones that did not need Facebook to remember your birthday. They still exists. But in a very small number. I hope you find and enjoy their company before they compleately wash out of this world.
But don't go around expecting this from everyone you call as your "friends". Because you need to understand that by doing this you will only be hurting yourself. Don't expect much from people around you. Because you will be the one to get hurt. They will quit on you and act in ways that you will have to quit on them. And then one fine day, you will be in the same room as them. Where you laughed and had fun together. But you will be there as strangers. Looking straight through each other. Like you don't even exist for each other. And it will break you down in pieces. But you know what? Don't pick those pieces up. Let them lie there. That pieces? Let those lie there. That is your punishment. For expecting, for believing, for trusting...