Here are some things we’ll do anyway to get through the summer

1. Have a Picnic: My daughter loves picnics. This is easy to do especially after work and school pickups. I normally just head to Panera Bread or a similar local organic cafe, and pick up some fresh salads, pasta, pastries, organic apple juices before pick-up. At pick-up, I let her know we are having a picnic before heading home, and she quickly wraps up whatever she is doing and kisses her teachers goodbye. Works every time.

2. Get Fit with your kids – Since Camille’s new love for the outdoors post-winter is eating into my exercise time, I take her with me! It works out well when there are other kids as well to play with. This particular park has 117 stairs where I condition my legs. There is a park right across with all the bells and whistles that keeps kids entertained. After I get my work-out in, we go to the park and play and afterwards have a picnic or head home for dinner.

3. Find a Sports Program – Camille is into dance and soccer lessons. In addition to pre-school, she attends soccer practices and dance lessons. It helps to get her outside, learn teamwork and enjoy the company of other girls and boys her age. I am sure you have something planned for your lovely kids, but make sure it’s something that brings value and an activity that fits their personality.

How do you get your kids through summer? I will love to hear from you!

Personally, I have had so many people ask me how I do it. I plan and plan and plan has always been my answer and still is. But that is simply not enough, as mothers with a career and a family, we must be flexible and so must our loved ones. We make time for the most important things and we sacrifice that home-cooked dinner for a box of pizza and wings from Papa Johns.

As I work on this new venture of mine, I realize that I have to be even more flexible, and in addition selfish with my time. I stopped all non-value adding task and conversations with friends that go no where. There is simply no luxury to sit in the cafeteria for an hour munching a burger, I eat behind my desk and get some emails sent to my developer or co-founders.

There is also that part of who is picking up the kid and who is taking her to dance class, soccer and so on. Luckily, my ex is super supportive. He has been amazing with her and quickly jumps in to help when I need to travel or stay back at work. This ties back to having a supportive partner for a great career.

How have you been balancing your career, family and life. I will love to hear from you.

Hence, this week #WorkingMomChat will dissect the first 4 chapters of Lean In. Believe me, we will dissect the rest the weeks ahead. But, I wanted to make sure that we discuss thoroughly the barriers holding women back from leaning in and what the proper way is to lean in. As I discussed with my fellow girlfriends, working moms and bloggers, it seems, we will be talking about this book for a while. So don’t be surprised about the next few posts on WMJ. I think that it’s important to have this dialogue around women in the workplace and what exactly is holding us back after all the breakthroughs that were achieved 40-50 years ago. I didn’t think we would still be here discussing how women earn 77cents for every $1 a man earns.

So let’s dig in tonight ladies, let’s have a dialogue. Here are the questions to be discussed March 12, Wednesday #WorkingMomChat 9PM EST.

Q1: What ‘one’ thing did you really like about the book and what ‘one’ thing didn’t you like about the book ‘Lean In’?

Q2: What do you think is the #1 problem causing leadership ambition gap between men and women? How can we  break down the barriers that prevent women from getting to the top? 

Q3: What are your personal experiences with sitting at the table? Are women afraid to sit at the table? What’s holding them back?

Q4: Why is success and likeability positively correlated for women, yet negatively correlated for men? What are your personal experiences?

Q5: How would you describe your career? Is it similar to a jungle gym as described in ‘Lean In’ or a more like climbing the corporate ladder? Which one of this approach makes sense for a working mother?

So please tune in this evening at 9PM EST, when yours truly and these fabulous working mothers from Silicon Valley, Non-Profit, Manufacturing, Finance and many more walk you through the intricacies of gaining control of your career and live. Follow these wonderful girlfriends of mine, they are just as fabulous on their blogs as well!

The HOST & CO-HOSTs

Working Mom Journal – A Life Hack for Working Moms

Boss Mom Online - A lifestyle and career blogs for working moms

Mom In Management - Balancing Career, Family & Relationships

Mommy Works A Lot - Where Young Mommyhood meets Young Professionalism

Chaton’s World: A Quest for Balance in Stilettos

Bread Winning Mama – Full-time Working Mom in California

It’s a beautiful week as I am comparing notes from ‘Who Says It’s a Man’s World‘ by Emily Bennington and ‘Lean In‘ by Sheryl Sandberg. I can’t recall the last time I got so excited over books. But, as you all know, I am a huge fan of female empowerment. In fact my upcoming start-up is focused on just that and I cannot over-emphasize the dire need for women to step up to attain leadership and political roles to change the dialogue around women in the workplace. In ‘Who Says It’s a Man’s World’, Emily Bennington helps to rein in the working-mom-guilt. This topic is so important because this is the number one reason why women leave the workplace. We start to feel guilt about not being present enough. Emily puts it in much better words:

If you choose to have a family, the notion that this is an “all or nothing” career decision is ludicrous at best, sinister at worst. That said, it does requires sacrifices. There will be times when you have to leave work to deal with your kids and times when you have to leave kids to deal with your work. There is guilt in both, but you will save yourself a lot of heartache if you decide – up front – that “having it all” doesn’t mean being it all. 

Emily gave a checklist that has helped me in the last two weeks, she calls it Sanity 101: Five Must-Have TradeOffs for Working Moms. By the time I got to the action plan for my personal effectiveness goals, I knew exactly what I wanted to write down. Chapter eight of her book was dedicated to VIGs – Virtues, Intentions and goals, so I was able to incorporate the assessments I had done for my personal effectiveness goals. Emily dislikes the term ‘work/life balance’. She says ‘it’s rubbish. “Life” doesn’t stop when you are in the office and, if you are like most people, “work” doesn’t stop when you are at home. 

What I love about this book is that it doesn’t force women to try to climb the corporate ladder by all means. This book focuses on helping women attain their highest self. What Emily has detailed here is a roadmap to finding who you are outside of Mommy and your title at work if you have one. Instead, she forces you to look within and find your truest self that agrees with your core values, and then she encourages you to bring that magnificent person into your career and life.

If you have not gotten a chance to read her book yet, you are missing out! A combination of Emily and Sheryl’s book is the perfect way to kick off 2013. I am on a career/life-high as we speak. I have long shelved my idea for my startup but after reading these two books, I have kicked my startup on overdrive. I already have two investors who are interested and as I fine-tune my pitch, I look back to these books for encouragement and insights.

Have a great week everyone!

Friends, as you already know, I once praised and criticized Sheryl Sandberg’s book harshly earlier this month. It may have to do with other female executives stirring the work/life topic. But, I have to admit that upon reading the book last night, I have had a change of heart. Here is one of  the numerous line that did it for me!

“As women must be more empowered at work, men must be more empowered at home,” Sandberg writes. “I have seen so many women inadvertently discourage their husbands from doing their share by being too controlling or critical.”

And I want to capitalize on this because it is so important for women to move beyond being the primary caregiver. Because you cannot have a full career and a full life at home with your children if you are also doing all of the housework and child care. At some point, something has got to give, and when it comes to work vs. life, for most women, the ‘work’ is what gives. But if we empower men to run their own share of the household, we are bound to see more equal parenting and increased happiness and fulfillment on both sides. Studies show, men who do their own share of parenting/chores not only have more sex with their wives but are more involved in their kids lives and raise happier, well rounded kids. By doing this, women feel less guilty about their choices, utilize their hard earned college education while breaking down institutional barriers for the next generation of women in the workplace.

My facebook status this morning explains everything:

there are institutional barriers that hold women back from leaning into their careers, however, as women, we need to lean away from the stereotype that a woman should be the primary caregiver. This to me is the only obstacle that keeps women from rising to leadership roles. And while there are women who believe that taking care of affairs at home is the most meaningful goal, Sheryl doesn’t discount that effort at all. However, if we truly want our girls to have thesame opportunities as their male counterparts, then we must aim for the top. The blunt truth is, men still run the world. Of the 195 independent countries in the world, only 17 are led by women. This means that when it comes to making decisions that most affect our world, women’s voices are not heard equally. And that to me is why we cannot overcome the institutional barriers that hold women back, because there aren’t enough women in power. 21 of Fortune 500 CEOs are women, and we wonder why maternity leave policies have remain stagnant. If women don’t rise to power, nothing will change and this includes the assault/marginalization of women in developing and emerging countries.

Everyone needs to get more comfortable with career, family and personal ambitions – both men and women. It’s the only way we can make meaningful change. In 1951, women earned 58 cents for every $1 a man earned, its 77 cents today, not that much of an increase if you ask me. The price of milk rose higher than that in the last two years. And I am writing this not just as a woman with lofty goals but as a mother because I want my daughter to have the same opportunity as her male counterpart. With women earning more degrees than men, and rapidly becoming breadwinners and co-breadwinners, we need to ensure that more women get to the top to influence decisions that will shape a future that allows ambition, career, parenting and family to co-exist.

And I can feel change coming as more and more women are leaning in further in their careers, home and personal lives – it’s the true way to ensure that we all are living our lives to the fullest and truest potential.

Have you read the book Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg? What are your opinions? Do you and your partner share parenting equally?

We’ll be on twitter 8PM EST, use hashtag #WorkingMomChat to join the conversation.

Q1: What are the advantages and disadvantages of working from home?

Q2: Does working from home benefit the employer or the employee?

Q3: Some employers don’t believe in working from home, what do you think is the base reason for this?

Q4: Does a working mom really contribute productively to a team while in PJs, multitasking with kids, etc?

Q5: What do you need to have in place to make sure working from home will be a success

Be sure to visit these amazing women who bring you #WorkingMomChat weekly:

Again, Sheryl seems to have missed salient points during her research. Most working mothers do not want to lean in, we want to lean back. Because after working so hard to get a degree and a career, we finally realize that there is no joy in leaning in. And unlike men, we know that living a meaningful life with purpose is far greater than a job title. Most women admit that they were happier leaning back after years of slaving in corporate America. What majority of women want is to work part-time and it makes sense because work today comes with shrinking salaries, longer hours, reduced or zero pension plans, slimmer benefits, zero or inadequate health/life insurance, and working for disgruntled managers who are leaning in as much as they can and making life miserable for their employees. Leaning in to most women who statistically are in service industries equates to manual labor. Women are not focused on putting their life on over-drive while another disgruntled employee takes care of their kids. And even for some of us that work full-time away from home, we leave the laptop at work at the end of the day, quickly hurry home to be with our kids in time for dinner and some homework time. Weekends for us are strictly family. For us, our work is not our life – we work to live, not live to work. I have watched women who work as hard as they can, only to see their life pass them by. Ask any old men what their biggest regrets were, they will tell you, it’s their time away from their family and missing out on their kids. Majority of women don’t have that problem.

As a Generation Y, I don’t see corporate fulfillment as a way of life. I want to travel, spend time with loved ones, see the world. I want to be present in my daughter’s life all the way because if I don’t, who will? The reality is that, this book is written for women similar to Sheryl Sandberg and others agree that she may have written this book for herself since she is rarely the boss.

Now, I am not saying that women should not strive to be ambitious, either away or at their career, we honestly don’t have that problem. I am working full-time as an engineer and pursuing an Energy MBA myself, but where I ‘lean in’ the most is my family. But women should also be allowed to follow their instinct and do what is best for their family and loved ones. And for some, it’s making the decision to work from home, stay home or start a small business. And my gosh, I have met so many women who quit their job to work from home and are now flourishing in their own start-ups, businesses, partnerships, and blogs. Women are not looking for a way out  of the workplace, we worked hard in college to get our degrees. The harsh policies, institutional deficiences such as maternity leave, childcare, and vacation are working against everything that is family/motherhood oriented, matters that are important to women. Until Sheryl Sandberg and others come together to find solutions to these deficiences, women are not going to be leaning into work anytime soon. I am actually infuriated by the title of the book and it’s theory of change, because I feel like it is a slap to every woman who have worked through inflexible policies to climb up the corporate ladder while balancing home/family. The real question is when are men going to reach out? When is the government going to step up? When are we going to end this craziness of zero maternity leave for the #1 industrialized nation in the world? When is the workplace going to lean in to capture the sea of knowledge, capability and know-how that women have garnered over the last four decades? When will the  brain-drain that comes with women who off-ramp everyday due to inflexible work arrangements be tackled? Those are the questions that we need answered.

Signed,

A working mother who refuses to lean in!

Not only did Marissa Meyer, CEO of Yahoo! turn mothering into competitive sports when she announced couple months back that she is taking two weeks of maternity leave so she can return into full capacity at Yahoo! but she has become a pain in the behind for us working mothers as a group. We all know that Marissa Meyer is not focused on being a role model, but what we didn’t know until now is that she is focused on taking Yahoo! back about three or four decades back while setting the precedent for other CEOs to rethink workers who work from home either full or part-time. A policy that is starting in June for all Yahoo! employees will ban working from home.

Her argument is that:

“Speed and quality are often sacrificed when we work from home…we need to be one Yahoo!, and that starts with physically being together.”

Matter-of-factly, here is the full memo:

YAHOO! PROPRIETARY AND CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION — DO NOT FORWARD

Yahoos,

Over the past few months, we have introduced a number of great benefits and tools to make us more productive, efficient and fun. With the introduction of initiatives like FYI, Goals and PB&J, we want everyone to participate in our culture and contribute to the positive momentum. From Sunnyvale to Santa Monica, Bangalore to Beijing — I think we can all feel the energy and buzz in our offices.

To become the absolute best place to work, communication and collaboration will be important, so we need to be working side-by-side. That is why it is critical that we are all present in our offices. Some of the best decisions and insights come from hallway and cafeteria discussions, meeting new people, and impromptu team meetings. Speed and quality are often sacrificed when we work from home. We need to be one Yahoo!, and that starts with physically being together.

Beginning in June, we’re asking all employees with work-from-home arrangements to work in Yahoo! offices. If this impacts you, your management has already been in touch with next steps. And, for the rest of us who occasionally have to stay home for the cable guy, please use your best judgment in the spirit of collaboration. Being a Yahoo isn’t just about your day-to-day job, it is about the interactions and experiences that are only possible in our offices.

Thanks to all of you, we’ve already made remarkable progress as a company — and the best is yet to come.

This type of blanket approach is disastrous. Certainly, there are some jobs that cannot be done from home, for example, most of my job as an engineer includes going out to the field and physically inspecting and measuring things. However, I still have the option to work from home occassionally if need be. For example, my daughter’s school is taking March 15 off for Staff Development, so I plan on working from home that day since I will have to stay home to watch her. Some will wonder why I cannot get a babysitter but that is an extra cost that I will have to incur when I can just give her set of lessons to work on while I get my job done as well. However some jobs such as software, publishing, etc., really could be location independent and most companies are moving towards paying employees to work from home. It’s not only cheaper for them, it’s smarter.

Gone are the days when you have to physically be in the office to get anything done. With advancement in technology – cable, internet, printer, telephone, webinar, video conferencing at our disposal at home – one could easily get so much done in an eight hour workday. To say that she went old-school is an understatement, she went stone-age. Mayer needs some deep-rooted intervention. If this is coming from the fact that she somehow finds motherhood overbearing at home and wonders how anyone could work from home, then she is right. Raising an infant is hardwork and mothers who have been able to do that working from home are the true superheroes.

My problem with this approach is that it completely invalidates all working mothers who have been able to balance household duties while retaining their careers working from home. She completely threw us all under the bus claiming that quality suffers? I beg her pardon, I have seen people work harder, and faster at home by eliminating the wake-up-get-ready + jump-in-the-car + get-stuck-in-traffic + distractions-at-work crap while producing high quality services and products. Marissa Meyer has a boat-load full of house-helps and of course can afford a nanny, driver, butler, chef, etc…, so it’s no surprise she has enough time to sit in the office trying to come up with a plan to ban employees from working from home. She did not consider the mother like me who will need to work from home because I cannot afford a sitter to watch my daughter on days when her Pre-School schedules a Staff Development.

So, goodbye Yahoo! as I will not be logging on your website anymore. And I will be boycotting the website for as long as this craziness continues.

What’s your take? Do you believe in working from home?

The inaugural #WorkingMomChat was a KNOCKOUT. I was amazed by the number of women who wanted to share their experiences and learn more about having a fulfilling career while enjoying motherhood, parenting, and eliminating stress. This is not new. Women are better at soul-searching and looking for ways to better improve not just their lives but of those they truly care about. These wonderful working mothers, blogger and authors join the event and dished out boatloads of wisdom –  Emily Bennington, author of “Who Says It’s a Man’s World: The Girl’s Guide to Corporate Domination“, co-hosts @BossMomOnline, @DariaDG, @MommyWorksALot @BreadWinningMom @ChatonsWorld and chat participants.

Q1: How can we track competing priorities at home & workplace? Is it helping or hurting our ability to prioritize tasks?

 Do most of your planning on weekends. Use a Calender/To-Do List. Get Top 3 things done daily

@ModernMami: I use calendar & list work & home tasks on it. I look at week at a time and prioritize based on the musts.

@BreadWinningMom: My husband and I use an online calendar for the family. I also do daily to-do lists, combining both home and work.

@WorkMomJournal: I find that I only get the top 3 items critical item done. Today it’s work, running + Social Media. Hence dinner suffers

@EmilyBennington: Have to understand “balance” is gone. It’s about work / life harmony now. Seeking balance = finding disappointment.

Q2: Social media is overwhelming. How should working mothers approach social media usage in today’s hyperconnected world?

@bossmomonline So hard. I do have a rule that when I get home I turn off the machines til my son’s bedtime

@modernmami Do what you can w/ social media. Focus on connecting on right platforms. Time usage. Set a timer to avoid getting sucked in.