Beverly Diehl's Writing in Flow

My Brand Is Not The Dollar Bill

2012-03-21T05:00:00.003-07:00

Never discuss sex, religion, or politics in polite company, isn't that the rule?

Lately there's been a lot of heated rhetoric flying about the blogosphere, Twitter, FaceBook, and so on. I've flown (flung?) a bit of rhetoric myself, breaking said rule, above. And yet...

Betty Koschin, Coast Guard
Bill Koschin, Navy
My mother & uncle

March is Women's History Month. I look at the pictures of my mother and her friends, proudly serving in America's Armed Forces during World War II, even though afterwards there was a big push to send them back to the kitchen.

Some of them went; some of them stayed working despite the push to "give the jobs to the boys from overseas", and some of them spearheaded the women's movement of the 1960's and 1970's.

There's nothing wrong with raising children. I loved having a house full of kids; many women (and men) do. It's a valuable and extremely important job, for children, families, and for our society.

But to be ordered, "You have to go home, raise your kids, and keep that kitchen floor shiny and lemon-fresh," after being told you were needed to be Rosie the Riveter, or staffing vital lines of communication during the War (my mother earned the rank of radioman during her service in Ketchikan, Alaska)...

Many women didn't take kindly to that.

Not every woman is suited to work outside the home, and not every women is happy being restricted to it. True in the 1950's; still true today. During the 1950's we had segregation, we had back-alley abortions and the specter of nuclear war looming... It wasn't "the good old days" for everyone. Keep in mind, Barbara Billingsley (June Cleaver, of Leave It To Beaver) was a working mother, even though the fictional character she portrayed looked happy, vacuuming in her pumps and pearls.

What seems to make women (and men) happiest is having choices. A society that truly values individual freedom offers its members the opportunity to pursue their dreams, regardless of gender, skin color, or other externals.

via Marlo Thomas

Women's rights are human rights, plain and simple.

I look at my older sisters, during the Women's Movement of the 1960's, fighting for equal pay for equal work, for access to birth control. For simple things like the right for women to own property and have credit in their own names, not simply through their husbands (passed in 1981). Because of the battles they fought, women have rights today that many take for granted.

Until 1976, marital rape was legal in every state in the US. Even by an estranged husband; after you'd moved out of the house and were planning to divorce. July 5, 1993, rape by one's husband became a crime in at least one section of the criminal code of all 50 United States. (Yes, that is less than 20 years ago.)

Laws and attitudes changed because women stood together. As the sign above said, we weren't born Democrat, Republican, or yesterday. Things changed because millions of decent men also stood up and said, "No, I will not allow injustice to go on any longer for my mother, my sister, my daughter, my lover." Men still stand with women today. Men are not the enemy; injustice is the enemy. Whether it's perpetrated by men or women, or on men or women.

I look back at our grandmothers and great-grandmothers, the suffragettes who got the 19th Amendment passed in 1920 (less than 100 years ago). First introduced in 1878, it took forty years of polite negotiations, unladylike protests and bitter hunger strikes to finally carry the day.

Photograph of Kenyon Hayden Rector, Mary Dubrow, and Alice Paul standing outside the
1920 Republican Convention in Chicago and holding a banner,
"No self respecting woman should wish or work for the success of a party that ignores her self.
Susan B. Anthony, 1872. Via Wikimedia Commons"

Did you realize that women were unlawfully arrested and brutally force-fed simply because they protested in front of the White House? Nicknamed "Iron-jawed Angels," some women were willing to risk everything, even their own lives, to secure the opportunity to vote, for themselves and their daughters. (Alice Paul, pictured above, and portrayed in the video clip below, was one of them.)

Some women in the UK did die, as a consequence of being force-fed.

Today, women still face pressure and legislation that would attempt to drive us back to the kitchen (or the delivery room), whether we want to go or not. Legislation is being passed to force us to carry the dead fetus inside us until it is expelled naturally, just like cows and pigs; we're told that we might be confusing normal marital relations with rape; that we should have to stay in a marriage even if we're being beaten. WTF?!?

I would love to see women come together again, as we did in the 1870's and 80's, as we did in the 1910's and 20's, as we did in the 1940's, serving our country at war, and as we did in the 1960's and 70's. I would love to see us reclaim the word feminism, which has somehow been twisted into being a dirty word, when it actually means:

the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.

Women make up the majority of Internet Bloggers. We make up the majority of readers and book buyers. We are strong, we are powerful - and we are all different. We don't share the same religion or politics; our sex lives are anywhere from freely and unabashedly recreational, to married and monogamous, to celibate by choice.

I don't want to drawl between your legs and make your reproductive and sexual decisions for you, and I don't want some creepy legislator vicariously doing it to you (or to me either). *shuddering* I know I am strong enough and smart enough to make my own choices, and I trust you are, too.

We could make a huge difference - if we are bold enough to speak up.

I've heard many speakers and branding experts say, "Don't ever say, write or Tweet anything that might offend someone, or make them feel squicky." (Like this post, lol.) I heard one agent express that a tiny link on one's author's page, which led to a support site for women who've suffered miscarriage and stillbirth, made the agent feel "uncomfortable." Like now she knew personal things about this author that, in her opinion, were better left unshared.

I truly appreciate her honesty, and that of media "experts" who advise us to always play it safe, don't get into controversial subjects. Think of your brand, the Internet is forever, and so on.

I agree that calling names is probably not a wise thing to do, period. When you fling poo, you can't help but get poo on you, too. (Though I did call Rush Limbaugh a blowhard and a dirty old man. Among other things. And I'm not real pleased with Bill Maher's misogynistic attitudes, either. )

Yes, the experts are right, they are all 100% right that if you blog, or Tweet, or post on opinion boards, you may attract the trolls. You may have fewer people buy your books. You may be "diluting your brand." You may make readers, even agents and publishers, "feel uncomfortable," even chose not to take you on as a client.

I don't want this blog to become a rant channel, every post, or even a third of the time.

But here's the thing about my brand (and I don't presume to extend this to other women and men - your choices are your own). If I withhold the subjects about which I am most passionate, the things which inspire and shape me, I don't know that my brand is me. I don't know if I want to even try to sell a "brand" that is cleaned-up, homogenized, and neatly stripped of all controversial content.

I don't know if I would recognize her.

I look back at women's history, and revisit what our sisters, mothers, grandmothers, great grandmothers had to sacrifice, just to get me to a place where I could have a decent-paying day job and write books on the side, hoping to turn my writing into a career. And I'm supposed to live in fear of sacrificing a few blog readers, of losing a few book sales. Really?

I yam who I yam, as Popeye said. I've blogged about rape and slut-shaming. About child molestation. About mental illness and hoarding and racism and a whole lot of ugly stuff, that has little to do with the kinds of books I write (although I like to think my characters are complex and reflect many layers and ways of being). Still, in my opinion, we as a society need to talk and write about controversial subjects, if we want to work these things out, not simply leave it to the extremists.

I also blog about writing tips, techie-stuff and smexy short stories and pictures of yummy firefighters.

Don't get me wrong, I want to sell books. My plan is to be published within the next few years, hopefully with lots of different books available for readers to buy, and they won't be political diatribes. But... if I suppress every bit of moral outrage, every controversial thought, everything but what might conceivably sell books and make readers feel comfortable, all the time, then what I am really putting forth as my "brand" is the dollar bill.

That doesn't feel comfortable to me at all.

What's your take?
Does a post like this make you less or more likely to buy one of my books?
Or, no difference, you'll judge based on whether the book itself interests you?

Egypt to Nigeria to New York to Pleasure's Edge: The Hot Flat & Crowded World of my March TBR List

2012-03-19T05:00:00.198-07:00

Knocking out the books on my TBR list, here's my loves and hates for March:

Before Ever After - Samantha Sotto. Although this wasn't on my official TBR list, below, it actually has been on my mental TBR list for a while. Then I got nudged by the Smart Chicks Book Club on GoodReads to read and discuss, and I was ready for a break from Les Misérables, which I am miserably (62%) slogging through.

Loved it. The hero gets blown to pieces in the prologue, leaving Shelley, the heroine, a rich if heartbroken young widow. So the story is shown in flashback style, a la The Time Traveler's Wife, but this is a very different book. Yes, it's a love story, and it's happy and heartbreaking and poignant, and there's much mystery as the story unfolds, but it's also light and funny, with delicious turns of phrase sprinkled in: "Shelly made do with a breakfast of burned toast slathered with trans-fat-free disappointment."

I fell in love with Max and Shelley, with Max's baked eggs with cheese - and his chicken obsession, with The Slight Detour (which I so want to take) trip across Europe. Sotto does a wonderful job weaving in historical places and events and sensual details. My only quibble is sometimes her metaphors are a little overdone. When Shelley was bothered by a big yellow and black bee buzzing around her, I thought it was an actual, physical bee, occurring at the same time as her mental breakthrough, and it threw me off. Though the elephant lumbering after them, after their first kiss worked. There is a magic/paranormal element, but if you pick it up looking specifically for that, there probably won't be enough here to satisfy you.

Snow White and Her Seven Lovers - Jenna Ives. This charming <wink wink> piece is a novella, not a full-length novel. It's a brilliant example of how a good writer can tell much story in few pages.

A beautiful young woman is found poisoned in an apple orchard. She wakes up with amnesia, but luckily, her foxy Doc lives in a former bed-and-breakfast with his six best male friends. And they'd all love to have the woman - dubbed Blanche for now - stay with them until she recovers her memory.

If you enjoy explicitly sexual, witty, tongue-in-cheek stories with a generous helping of the unbelievable, you should take a bite of this book. Ives does an incredibly clever job creating personas for Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Bashful and the rest and a unique connection to our heroine, who has very different sexual and emotional relationships with all of them.

Where this is a tiny bit weak is at the end, where the Prince of Charming Industries comes forward to claim his fiancée, and Blanche's identity is revealed. Her stepmother is probably the one who poisoned her, but there isn't any real motivation shown, and nobody seems concerned that she might keep trying. However, we don't get to dwell on this for very long, as we jump right into bed for a hot menage scene.

Despite the number of sex scenes (lots) they're all unique, and equally hot. (Ives needs to better differentiate between her heroes' and heroine's sound effects, however.) If you want a short spicy read, for less than the price of a latté, this is a great choice.

The Christmas Wedding - James Patterson with Richard Dilallo The Good: It's a very quick read. I didn't notice any typos. The cover is pretty, if you think a slender young women in a sleeveless white dress with a long train "works" to represent a 50-60ish widowed grandmother getting married in a pale purple dress and sneakers. Also, a friend handed it down to me, so I didn't actually pay for it.

The Bad: The premise is that Gaby, said grandmother & widow, is getting married. She is sending video DVD's by mail (as if she wouldn't upload to YouTube or send as e-mail attachments?), bragging on her upcoming Christmas wedding to her four grown children - with a twist. She won't tell them which of three men she's marrying - in fact, she won't tell the men, either. They have to all meet her at the altar where one gets to "win" her, and the other two men are supposed to suck it up and be happy for them while being very publicly dumped.

Right. This doesn't make us like Gaby; doesn't make us like the MEN. What wusses would they be to sign up for this kind of public humiliation? I could go on (and I did, on GoodReads) but mainly this book serves as a great example of What Not To Do for authors.

Veronica Scott's Priestess of the Nile
I've had an interest in Egyptian romance since I read Susannah Leigh's Wine of the Dreamers many years ago. Not much written by writers (in English) on the subject - that I've come across, at least.

Scott's debut novella gives us the forbidden love story between Merys, descendant of the priestesses of Sobek, Crocodile God of the Nile, and Sobek himself, though he doesn't initially reveal his identity to her as he courts her.

I've never thought of crocodiles as sexy, but Scott manages to give Bek/Sobek a handsome human form, even an intriguing mixed human/crocodile form, as well an an imposing all crocodile form.

Despite Merys being a mortal, and Bek being a god, they fall in love. I enjoyed this story very much, though I was left wanting more. I think this is a bigger story squeezed down to only 63 or so pages. Much is told, rather than shown - Merys's life in the village as the Cinderella stepdaughter to her weak-feigning stepmother.

The rules of the Egyptian universe weren't clear to me. There might be more tension if they were revealed more clearly at the beginning, so we knew what the lovers were going up against. I did wonder how Scott would weave in the whole theme of the afterlife, so large a part of what we envision when we imagine ancient Egypt, and there she does a beautiful job. I loved the way Scott brought in Isis, Anubis, and some of the other gods of ancient Egypt.

The sex scenes were... sexy, but compared to the other erotica I read over the same weekend, almost tame. They were well done, they fit the material, but they didn't leave me squirming in my chair, if you KWIM.

If you are looking for blow-your-socks-off short erotica, this ain't it. If you are looking for a sweet erotic romance with unusual characters in a very different setting, this is a great read. I look forward to more of Scott's work.

I picked up Forget About It by Caprice Crane as the pick of my Chicklitlovers Meetup group. Sadly, I probably will forget about it, in a few weeks.

The premise is the heroine, Jordan, has a crappy life because she's something of a human doormat. Not long after realizing this, she's in an accident where she takes a bump to the head, and decides to feign amnesia. Using the amnesia as an excuse, she becomes more assertive and dumps the user boyfriend, stops being taken advantage of at work, and begins drawing boundaries with her mean mom and meaner sister.

However, her "amnesia" has created other problems, as she's signed over a power of attorney to her mother, and is involved against her will in a lawsuit against her new boyfriend. Jordan comes up with a plan to suddenly regain her memory, when she gets hit in the head by a thrown baseball, and then truly does have amnesia.

I mostly liked the tone, the pace, the New York setting, although I thought the set-up went on too long. Yes, she's too people-pleasing and this gives her a crappier life than she deserves, enough already!

I liked Jordan's wit and creativity, and I loved Travis and his lighthouse. What I didn't "get," despite the neglected/emotionally abused childhood, is why a woman with so much going for her would be quite so passive. The bad guys were a little too bad; they needed some redeeming qualities that would have helped explain her ambivalence at blowing them off. And the idea that somebody would be able to fake amnesia well enough to fool not only laypeople but doctors... pretty unbelievable. That she would then get real amnesia, and that she would recover her memory just as she was walking down the aisle, about to marry the wrong guy... Too many impossible things before breakfast, for me. However, I would read another book by this author, as I really liked her voice.

Kiru Taye is a Nigerian-born author who lives in the U.K. His Treasure, a novella, is set in a small Nigerian village, where we find Adaku, in love with a prince, married against her will to another man, Obinna.

Over the course of a year, as Obinna treats her with courtesy and kindness, and refuses to even touch her against her will, Adaku comes to respect, be attracted to, and even love her husband, just as he is giving up hope that he will win her over.

As an American, I struggled with the names a bit - my stupid mind kept converting Obinna to Obama. As a virtual tourist, I would have liked to have seen more of the day-to-day life in the village. They slept on pallets on the floor, had an indoor bathroom with apparently a bathtub - but was it just a bathing room, or was it a "bathroom" as an American would think of one, with a commode and sink? Couldn't tell. (I found later that this was supposed to be set in an earlier, not contemporary period. This could have been clearer in the novella itself.)

That said, the romance was sweet, the jealousy that flared for both of them, believable, and their consummation was sexy and skillfully written. I'm very much looking forward to reading His Strength, the next book in the Men of Valor series by Ms. Taye.

You know how there's stuff you should read, like taking medicine, and you put it off, and put it off, because it's medicine, and you know it's not gonna taste good? Then you find it's actually not so bad? Kind of tasty, as a matter of fact.

Thomas Friedman's Hot, Flat and Crowded is one of those books.

It's a manifesto for a Green Revolution - a real one. Not just driving a hybrid car and drinking filtered, rather than bottle water, and calling it a day, smug we've done all we can do.

It's not dryly written, but it is packed with research, quotes, and anecdotes, which requires the reader to take his/her time.

He points out that the way to persuade people to take action is not, "Think of the poor polar bears" when they are worried about how they're going to feed their children the next day. People have to shown ways of making money by preserving their natural resources (forests, swampland, rivers), whereas cutting down all the trees will devastate them in only a season or two.

Innovation is necessary, but doesn't come about magically without investment. Currently while in most industries, 8-10% of annual revenues is spent on Research & Development, in the energy industry it's about .8%. (Yes, less than 1%. No wonder we're not zipping around like the Jetsons yet.)

Hot, Flat and, Crowded was fascinating, it was troubling, it was heartbreaking, and it was hopeful. I don't know if "I enjoyed the book" is the correct phrase, but I am very glad I read it. I highly recommend it.

And now, for something completely different..

Holy basket of vibrators, Batman! Eve Berlin's Pleasure's Edge is some Seriously Sizzling Sex, but it's also a beautiful romance.

Dylan's an erotica writer, challenged to research the world of D/s (Domination and submission) for her next book. She meets Alec, a vibrant, powerful Dom, who thinks it's more effective to show rather than tell. Dylan has been firmly in control for years, having grown up with a bi-polar mother who was frequently incapacitated by her illness, and having taken responsibility for her younger brother.

Alec is a world traveler and thrill seeker. He's modeled himself after his brilliant but emotionally reserved father, and Alec enjoys sex, and being a 'top.' But no woman has ever gotten under his skin, the way Dylan has.

I loved this book. Loved loved loved. It is so hot, from beginning to end, that I was seriously contemplating putting on my Ove-Gloves to turn the pages. I loved the romantic and erotic connection between Dylan and Alec. I loved the way Berlin took us deep within the psyches of the characters, exploring how the D/s game opened them up emotionally. I loved the skillful and unquestioning use of condoms every time. Loved that they fell in love, despite the barriers they both had erected against such a thing.

My only quibbles, and they're more with me than the book, is the names. Alec I kept wanting to change in my head to the softer, sexier (IMO) Alex. Dylan - I don't know any female Dylans, but I do know several, very attractive young men named Dylan, or Dillon. This made me mentally stumble a bit. I advise writers to think twice about that kind of against-type name choice. My name can be used for men or women, in theory, but if a character was named Beverly, wouldn't you think 99 times out of 100 he was female?

My other quibble is that both characters were much into 'sensation play' with an emphasis on spanking. I personally find spanking more of a turn-off than erotic; but the scenes were so hot I got past it.

I will definitely be increasing my library of Eve Berlin books, and highly recommend this book. [Suddenly, I'm quite thirsty.]

Left on my TBR list from December:

The Birthday of the World - Ursula LeGuin
Messalina: Devourer of Men - Zetta Brown
Uncut Diamonds - Karen Jones Gowan
On Writing - Stephen King
Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
Daisy Miller - Henry James
Bet Me - Jennifer Crusie
Hot, Flat and Crowded - Thomas Friedman
Pleasure's Edge - Eve Berlin
Her Fearful Symmetry - Audrey Niffeneger
Falling Leaves - Adeline Yen Mah
Picture Perfect - Jodi Picoult
Giving Up the Dream - J.L. Campbell
Shifters' Storm - Vonna Harper
Automagically - Sommer Marsden
You Can Heal Your Life - Louise Hay
Little Black Dress - Susan McBride
Tourist Trap - Sue Ann Bowling
Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
Confessions of an Improper Bride - Jennifer Haymore

Added to my TBR list, already on my Kindle or bookshelf:
Grammar Girl's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing - Mignon Fogerty
Pleasure - Eric Jerome Dickey
the little book of SITCOM - John Vorhaus
The Darkest Surrender - Gena Showalter
The Last Will of Moira Leahy - Therese Walsh
Chasing Kate - Kelly Byrne
A Heart to Mend - Myne Whitman
The Doctor's Lady - Jody Hedlund
Born Wicked (ARC) - Jessica Spotswood
Dev Dreams - Ruth Madison
The Inner Game of Stress - W. Timothy Gallwey
First Grave on the Right - Darynda Jones
Romance Novel - PJ Jones
Living in Gratitude - Angeles Arrien
Heir to the Underwood - E. D. Walker
Bossypants - Tina Fey
Train Your Mind, Change Your Life - Sharon Begley
Better Off Red - Rebekah Weatherspoon
Water - Terra Harmony
The Cowboy's Pride - Charlene Sands
The Bird Sisters - Rebecca Rasmussen
Mercury Rising - Daisy Harris
Hollywood Ending - Lucie Simone
Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea - Chelsea Handler
Devil's Kiss - Zoe Archer
Melt - Natalie Anderson
Inside Heat - Roz Lee
Beauty and the Werewolf (A Tale of the Five Hundred Kingdoms) - Mercedes Lackey
Marriage Made on Paper - Maisey Yates
Beloved - Toni Morrison
The Awakening - Kate Chopin
His Strength - Kiru Taye
Just The Way You Are - Barbara Freethy
Bloodchild and Other Stories - Octavia E. Butler
Hunchback of Notre Dame - Victor Hugo
Twelve Times Blessed - Jacqueline Mitchard
The Lantern - Deborah Lawrenson

Yes, I did add more books than I crossed off. Shut up! Bet you did the same thing.

The details and sign-up are at Vicky's blog, Books Biscuits and Tea.

Are there any books you're moved off your TBR pile so far this year?

Have you read any of the books I read?

What did you think?

Dinosaur Erotica, Anyone? Funniest Search Phrases

2012-03-14T05:00:00.002-07:00

via Wikimedia.org.
I have no words. Only fear.

So occasionally when I review my stats, I check to see how Google brought people to my site.

I kid you not, people apparently have searched for "dinosaur erotica." Which brought them here. [Hello, again! You're back! Kisses!]

I have mentioned dinosaurs, mostly in reference to my own less than impressive technological skills. I've also blogged lots about erotica, because, right along with chocolate, great sex is one of my most best favoritest things in the whole world.

But together? Really? (Now contemplating what I could do with a title like "Velociraptor Rapture" or "Paleozoic Pleasures.") As a concession to my dinosaur erotica fans (you people are twisted, just sayin') I actually searched, myself, and came up with that nifty little photo from a museum in Spain.

FYI, international readers, a museum display like that would not fly in the U.S. American mommies would be covering Johnnie's eyes in horror, and writing exclamation point! splattered! letters to their congressional representatives about the corruption! of innocent childrens [misspelling intentional]! While urging their husbands in private to play "Hide the Dinosaur Bone."

Other traffic-bearing keywords that made little sense to me: "mind homer simpson," "no more pain lolcat," and "shamu watching." Though at least I've mentioned, or used photos that included one of those terms.

I simply don't get the whole SEO game. For all those claiming to be experts in Search Engine Optimization, a big part of me thinks it's all smoke and mirrors, and nobody really knows what drives searches.

Image by hongxing128 via Flickr

Is this even English? What's a SERP?

Besides... I'm not sure I want a billion followers. Don't get me wrong - if you follow me, I'm totally thrilled. There are even bright shiny Follow buttons for that, right at the top of the page. *gestures like a flight attendant* Along the side, too.

I'm nothing if not easy.

I want readers who love this blog, and recommend it to their friends. I would offer to bribe you to share with one of my tasty, home-cooked meals, but trust me, you don't want to go there. *Gestures to bright shiny Sharing buttons conveniently located along the bottom of this post. Then offers barf bag, like a good flight attendant.*

Image via WikipediaAnyway, my main goal isn't to be The Bloggess, though I totally adore her and her hilarious writing. I even ~~stalk~~ follow her Pinterest board.

I like the idea of this blog staying small enough that I can interact with my readers, occasionally visit your blogs too, AND a) refrain from totally blowing my day job until b) I can write books that earn ~~vast piles of~~ enough money to allow me to write full time.

Do you understand SEO?

Had some SEO threads that leave you shaking your head?

Syndicate & Validate Me, Baby Adding Networked Blogs to your FaceBook Fan Page

2012-03-12T05:00:00.335-07:00

So you've got a FaceBook fan page - but what about content? How on earth are you supposed to add content to your FaceBook Fan Page, plus Follow and comment on all the blogs you like, and and and. *overwhelmed and whimpering*

Well. There's an app for that - it's called Networked Blogs.

You may have seen it on some blogs (like this one) and wondered, why are there TWO Follow boxes stacked up right on top of each other?

I will tell you.

And show you, too, with lots of pictures. Don't be afraid. I am not a techie-type person. So if I can do it, anybody can do it.

Sometimes someone is on WordPress - and we're not - or a self-hosted site, and they don't have all the cool buttons showing us how to Follow them. Yet, we want to. Or what if we're on FaceBook a lot, and want to share valuable content with people who follow our Fan Page, without adding each link manually? Networked Blogs is a mighty handy tool, but a little tricky to learn how to use.

1. Log in to FaceBook. Go to the Networked Blogs page, and click the blue button near the top right corner that says "Go to App". Then select Add to my Page's Favorites. (red arrow, below)

2. Go to a great blog site you know you want to Follow, that already uses Networked Blogs. Like Writer Unboxed, shown below. (Or Writing in Flow, hint hint.)

Click the blue button that says, Follow this blog.

There's a little more you have to do, to get that great content on your page, and we'll get to that in a minute - but what if the blog you want to Follow and share on FaceBook doesn't have a Networked Blogs box?

You can add it to Networked Blogs anyway. (No, it's not stealing. It's sharing. Unless a blog owner has specifically decided to keep his or her blog private, they LIKE being shared. It's why we all put those Tweet and Email and SHARE buttons on our blogs.)

So, I wanted to ~~steal~~ share content from a fabulous blog about children's books, Carry Us Off Books, with a new Fan Page I am helping administer for a non-profit organization all about reading to young children. Perfect fit, right? Only Carry Us Off Books doesn't seem to be registered for Networked Blogs, what to do?

1. Go to the blog (below).

2. While the blog page is open, and while in another tab you are signed in to FaceBook (as you, not as your fan page) go to Networked Blogs. (on the bottom left side of your FB page, under Friends and before pages, there's your Apps. Click the Networked Blogs button & it will take you to a page that lists all the blogs you Follow through Networked Blogs. Towards the top right, there's a Search Blogs Option. Do a copy and paste to insert the url of the blog you want to add. Maybe it's already registered, and your blogger simply didn't put a Networked Blogs box up on his/her site. (Always do a copy and paste, because sometimes there is something in there - like the ".html" in CUOB's url, that does make a difference when you leave it out.)

Not registered? There's a button near the top that says "Register a Blog." Click it.

Paste the url of the blog you want to Follow into the Blog Link box (see below).

After you clicked Next, it brings you to this screen (below). It will automatically have the blog link and the feed link for you. Fill out the rest as best you can.

(Blog owners, if you are freaking out right now, because someone could put totally wrong information in there - YOU, as blog owner, can always update and change it when you claim the blog.)

After you click Next, you'll be asked whether you are the owner of the blog or not. Be nice and don't lie - they have ways of verifying the REAL owner. (Blog owners, when you join Networked Blogs and do a search for your URL, you will be able to claim your blog, and they will verify it really is your site, before handing you the keys to the kingdom.)

After the blog is added, look at the choice on the left - choose Syndication. (if you are not seeing this page, click the little cog to the right of your name, and go to My Profile. It will bring up, on the left, a list of all the Blogs you write, and all the ones you are Following.

Pick the blog you want to publish - in this case, Carry Us Off Books. Click the button Add FaceBook Target. Right now, I am Admin for three fan pages ( I know, I know), and I could add it to all of them, but this blog is most suitable for Words on Wheels. Don't add a blog to your personal Profile and a Fan Page Target, or you'll see both posts in your personal newsfeed (assuming you have Fanned your own page).

However, if the blog is syndicating is your own, you may want to Target both your FaceBook fan page, and your Twitter feed. (This saves me time.)

After you have clicked Add, and Close, you can do a test to make sure the content will publish to the page (see below).

It "pulls" posts based on a magic algorithm that I have not yet figured out, but the thing is, it does automatically pull the posts to the Fan Page you designate. Which in my case serves the dual purpose of letting me easily follow the blogs I love, and gives good content to my FaceBook Fan Page, automatically. (Being a busy writer, anything I can post automatically makes my characters smile, because then I can spend more time with them.)

Even though the process of getting it set up the very first time is a little tricky, once you've done it, it's easy-peasy to Follow and adding blogs this way. Check the link for the official FAQ's for Networked Blogs.

Like a lot of programs, it's free - with upscale versions you can subscribe to.

One big caveat - be careful who you follow. While I was writing this post, I saw Mashable and another site, thought they'd be fun to add to my personal FaceBook news feed, so I did. They then began posting ALL the links within the last 2-3 days. (Somebody told me it was 89 of them.) So I had to UNFollow the sites, then I had to separately go in and remove the "Syndicate to this Target" instructions. So if the site you choose to syndicate normally posts 15-20 times a day, that's what you'll get, too.

Even after that little mishap, I still think it's a useful (if dangerous) tool.

Many thanks to Claudine at the wonderful blog Carry Us Off Books for giving her permission to use her as an example. (Now go follow that blog! And please consider fanning Words on Wheels.)

If you already use Networked Blogs, leave a comment and let me know what you think. If you add it, following this post, please leave a comment and let everyone know how easy - or hard - it was. (And if you found this post helpful, please DO share.)

She Said Contraceptives; He Said Slut

2012-03-07T04:59:00.002-08:00

Image via WikipediaLot of people, including me, are beyond pissed off that an overpaid, Viagra-popping radio blowhard who snorted himself deaf on Oxycontin, railed abusively on his show for three days at a private citizen who came to Washington to speak to Congress. This dirty old man suggested that her parents should be ashamed of her (they're not) and demanded that she should "send us the sex tapes." Could it be that said bloviating troll makes such vile assumptions because the only women in his life with whom he's ever had a "relationship" are either celluloid fantasies, or won't touch his disgusting person without a significant financial incentive?

Well, he did issue a fauxpology, after his sponsors began leaving faster than the entertainment at a Costa Rican bachelor party. He magnanimously took back two of the words he said as unjustified and wrong.

But maybe he was provoked. Maybe the testimony provided by this young woman was so provocative, so filled with sexual innuendo, that any reasonable person would have conjured up lurid images of a co-eds having wild sexual encounter after wild sexual encounter.

So what did Sandra Fluke (pronounced Fluk) actually say?

Leader Pelosi, Members of Congress, good morning, and thank you for calling this hearing on women’s health and allowing me to testify on behalf of the women who will benefit from the Affordable Care Act contraceptive coverage regulation. My name is Sandra Fluke, and I’m a third year student at Georgetown Law, a Jesuit school. I’m also a past president of Georgetown Law Students for Reproductive Justice or LSRJ. I’d like to acknowledge my fellow LSRJ members and allies and all of the student activists with us and thank them for being here today.

Georgetown LSRJ is here today because we’re so grateful that this regulation implements the nonpartisan, medical advice of the Institute of Medicine. I attend a Jesuit law school that does not provide contraception coverage in its student health plan. Just as we students have faced financial, emotional, and medical burdens as a result, employees at religiously affiliated hospitals and universities across the country have suffered similar burdens. We are all grateful for the new regulation that will meet the critical health care needs of so many women. Simultaneously, the recently announced adjustment addresses any potential conflict with the religious identity of Catholic and Jesuit institutions.

When I look around my campus, I see the faces of the women affected, and I have heard more and more of their stories. . On a daily basis, I hear from yet another woman from Georgetown or other schools or who works for a religiously affiliated employer who has suffered financial, emotional, and medical burdens because of this lack of contraceptive coverage. And so, I am here to share their voices and I thank you for allowing them to be heard.

Without insurance coverage, contraception can cost a woman over $3,000 during law school. For a lot of students who, like me, are on public interest scholarships, that’s practically an entire summer’s salary. Forty percent of female students at Georgetown Law report struggling financially as a result of this policy. One told us of how embarrassed and powerless she felt when she was standing at the pharmacy counter, learning for the first time that contraception wasn’t covered, and had to walk away because she couldn’t afford it. Women like her have no choice but to go without contraception. Just last week, a married female student told me she had to stop using contraception because she couldn’t afford it any longer. Women employed in low wage jobs without contraceptive coverage face the same choice.

You might respond that contraception is accessible in lots of other ways. Unfortunately, that’s not true. Women’s health clinics provide vital medical services, but as the Guttmacher Institute has documented, clinics are unable to meet the crushing demand for these services. Clinics are closing and women are being forced to go without. How can Congress consider the Fortenberry, Rubio, and Blunt legislation that would allow even more employers and institutions to refuse contraceptive coverage and then respond that the non-profit clinics should step up to take care of the resulting medical crisis, particularly when so many legislators are attempting to defund those very same clinics?

These denials of contraceptive coverage impact real people. In the worst cases, women who need this medication for other medical reasons suffer dire consequences. A friend of mine, for example, has polycystic ovarian syndrome and has to take prescription birth control to stop cysts from growing on her ovaries. Her prescription is technically covered by Georgetown insurance because it’s not intended to prevent pregnancy. Under many religious institutions’ insurance plans, it wouldn’t be, and under Senator Blunt’s amendment, Senator Rubio’s bill, or Representative Fortenberry’s bill, there’s no requirement that an exception be made for such medical needs. When they do exist, these exceptions don’t accomplish their well-intended goals because when you let university administrators or other employers, rather than women and their doctors, dictate whose medical needs are legitimate and whose aren’t, a woman’s health takes a back seat to a bureaucracy focused on policing her body.

In sixty-five percent of cases, our female students were interrogated by insurance representatives and university medical staff about why they needed these prescriptions and whether they were lying about their symptoms. For my friend, and 20% of women in her situation, she never got the insurance company to cover her prescription, despite verification of her illness from her doctor. Her claim was denied repeatedly on the assumption that she really wanted the birth control to prevent pregnancy. She’s gay, so clearly polycystic ovarian syndrome was a much more urgent concern than accidental pregnancy. After months of paying over $100 out of pocket, she just couldn’t afford her medication anymore and had to stop taking it. I learned about all of this when I walked out of a test and got a message from her that in the middle of her final exam period she’d been in the emergency room all night in excruciating pain. She wrote, “It was so painful, I woke up thinking I’d been shot.”

Without her taking the birth control, a massive cyst the size of a tennis ball had grown on her ovary. She had to have surgery to remove her entire ovary. On the morning I was originally scheduled to give this testimony, she sat in a doctor’s office. Since last year’s surgery, she’s been experiencing night sweats, weight gain, and other symptoms of early menopause as a result of the removal of her ovary. She’s 32 years old. As she put it: “If my body indeed does enter early menopause, no fertility specialist in the world will be able to help me have my own children. I will have no chance at giving my mother her desperately desired grandbabies, simply because the insurance policy that I paid for totally unsubsidized by my school wouldn’t cover my prescription for birth control when I
needed it.” Now, in addition to potentially facing the health complications that come with having menopause at an early age-- increased risk of cancer, heart disease, and osteoporosis, she may never be able to conceive a child.

Perhaps you think my friend’s tragic story is rare. It’s not. One woman told us doctors believe she has endometriosis, but it can’t be proven without surgery, so the insurance hasn’t been willing to cover her medication. Recently, another friend of mine told me that she also has polycystic ovarian syndrome. She’s struggling to pay for her medication and is terrified to not have access to it. Due to the barriers erected by Georgetown’s policy, she hasn’t been reimbursed for her medication since last August. I sincerely pray that we don’t have to wait until she loses an ovary or is diagnosed with cancer before her needs and the needs of all of these women are taken seriously.

This is the message that not requiring coverage of contraception sends. A woman’s reproductive healthcare isn’t a necessity, isn’t a priority. One student told us that she knew birth control wasn’t covered, and she assumed that’s how Georgetown’s insurance handled all of women’s sexual healthcare, so when she was raped, she didn’t go to the doctor even to be examined or tested for sexually transmitted infections because she thought insurance wasn’t going to cover something like that, something that was related to a woman’s reproductive health.

As one student put it, “this policy communicates to female students that our school doesn’t understand our needs.” These are not feelings that male fellow students experience. And they’re not burdens that male students must shoulder. In the media lately, conservative Catholic organizations have been asking: what did we expect when we enrolled at a Catholic school? We can only answer that we expected women to be treated equally, to not have our school create untenable burdens that impede our academic success. We expected that our schools would live up to the Jesuit creed of cura personalis, to care for the whole person, by meeting all of our medical needs. We expected that when we told our universities of the problems this policy created for students, they would help us. We expected that when 94% of students opposed the policy, the university would respect our choices regarding insurance students pay for completely unsubsidized by the university. We did not expect that women would be told in the national media that if we wanted comprehensive insurance that met our needs, not just those of men, we should have gone to school elsewhere, even if that meant a less prestigious university. We refuse to pick between a quality education and our health, and we resent that, in the 21st century, anyone thinks it’s acceptable to ask us to make this choice simply because we are women.

Many of the women whose stories I’ve shared are Catholic women, so ours is not a war against the church. It is a struggle for access to the healthcare we need. The President of the Association of Jesuit Colleges has shared that Jesuit colleges and universities appreciate the modification to the rule announced last week. Religious concerns are addressed and women get the healthcare they need. That is something we can all agree on. Thank you.

Where did I miss the lurid sex part?

Now, I do believe that America needs to stop fooling around with a patchwork of insurers and group, employer, or individual health care plans, and go to single payer, like every other civilized country. But until such time as we do that, basic insurance plans need to cover basic needs. For children, it means immunizations. Even if an employer sincerely believes that vaccinations cause autism. We need to cover prescriptions for schizophrenia and other mental illnesses, even if an employer thinks psychiatry is evil. For men it means treatment for prostate cancer. For women, that means contraceptives and pregnancy care, regardless of whether they choose to avail themselves of either.

Bu-bu-but the government is forcing insurance companies to include these coverages, and forcing private companies to include them, against their religious beliefs.

Well, about 150 years ago there were plenty of churches who "believed" it was perfectly dandy for one person to own another human being, too. Said so right in the Bible. When we abolished slavery, should we have made an exception for those religious institutions that firmly believed slavery was their God-given right?

It's not the government who pays for insurance coverage, it is every hard-working American, in the form of his or her premiums. Even if the premiums are 100% employer-paid, it means employees are accepting insurance as part of their salary. If the plan is for students, they (or their parents) are directly paying for their insurance. Shouldn't it cover their most urgent needs?

If the government didn't mandate certain coverages, insurance companies would be very happy to keep on keepin' on, collecting premiums and reducing services. Warm and fuzzy commercials aside, insurance companies are posting record profits and paying their top execs huge benefits. Is it really so unfair for the government to step in and say, "If you're going to sell "comprehensive health insurance" plans, your basic plan must include X, Y, and Z" items for preventative care?

From White Man's Bourbon on Gawker:

Actually, I want the government to force many things on private companies. Like paying a living wage, not employing children, providing a clean and safe working environment, allowing workers to take sick leave without losing their jobs, paying workers compensation if they are injured in the course of performing their duties, not firing people without good cause, not sexually harassing people in subservient positions, allowing workers to organize to demand redress of legitimate grievances, making sure employees are not discriminated against on the basis of gender, or race, or religion... the list goes on and on and on and on. And all of these things were forced on companies... It's not called tyranny, it's called law, and it's the mark of a civilized society. It's what government is for.

Georgetown University President, John J. DeGioia said via e-mail to everyone on campus regarding Ms. Fluke:

“She was respectful, sincere, and spoke with conviction. She provided a model of civil discourse,” DeGioia wrote in his e-mail. “And yet, some of those who disagreed with her position – including Rush Limbaugh and commentators throughout the blogosphere and in various other media channels – responded with behavior that can only be described as misogynistic, vitriolic, and a misrepresentation of the position of our student.”

I have heard some suggest that said radio commentator is "being kicked when he is down," because enraged citizens are using their First Amendment rights to encourage sponsors of his program to withdraw, and suggesting boycotts of those who may continue to support him.

Granted, in the mass exodus of sponsors from his program there is much hypocrisy. They are shocked, shocked! that he would say such things, and in such a manner. Come on. It is not like he has just now begun to make crude and vulgar attacks against women. It's not like this is the first time he has boldly and deliberately lied to his audience. He has been doing it for years.

But apparently, this time, he has truly gone too far.

Posted by Mr Kurtz on The Daily Beast:

COLUMBUS, OH (The Borowitz Report) – Embattled radio host Rush Limbaugh suffered another major desertion today as he lost the support of one of his longtime sponsors, Satan.

The usually reclusive Prince of Darkness announced his decision at a hastily called press conference in Columbus, Ohio, his unofficial headquarters on Earth.

“Due to remarks of his that we consider unacceptable, we are terminating our relationship with Rush Limbaugh,” Satan said in a tersely worded statement.

According to one advisor to the Lord of Misrule, Satan had stuck by the radio host as long as possible but after he called a young woman a slut on the air Mr. Limbaugh had become “radioactive.”

“After a certain point, the association with Rush became problematic for Satan’s public image,” the aide said. “We went through a similar thing last year with Rupert Murdoch.”

Advertisers continued abandoning Mr. Limbaugh’s program in droves today, including companies who had sponsored it for years, like the online dating site NaziMingle.com™.

The only good news for Mr. Limbaugh today came from GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney, who offered this muted statement of support: “Look, I wouldn’t have chosen the words he did. But it’s not like he called her a poor person or something.”

Do you think it makes sense to allow employers or universities to exempt any items from their health care plan coverage that they find "morally objectionable"?
Did you watch, hear, or read Ms. Fluke's testimony?
Did you watch, hear or read Rush Limbaugh's show or show segments directed at Ms. Fluke?
How outraged are/were you by the rhetoric used by Limbaugh? Do you think his apology was sincere and should have been accepted? Do you think she should sue him for slander, as some have suggested?

Do you think this will all blow over in a few weeks, or is this something that will stay with you for a long time?

What Not To Do (As A Writer in a Feedback Group)

2012-03-05T05:00:00.000-08:00

Chasing my own tail, I originally posted this at Lisa Kilian's blog, pointing back to my own Ten Things Not To Do As A Reader in a Feedback Group. 'Cept I discovered Lisa's not only stopped posting, but has taken down her blog, altogether, wah!

And of course, I'd kept a safety copy (not!) so I wouldn't have to reconstruct from memory.

Ten Things Not To Do as a Writer in a Feedback Group

1) Never arrive on time. If the session is already in progress, rather than doing a Walk-of-Shame slink to the nearest seat, interrupt with a big, dramatic entrance, and chat everyone up until you feel ready to settle in to work.

2) Never prepare a short bring-me-up-to-speed summary so you can catch new readers up as to your genre, what went before, and what you are trying to achieve. Make 'em guess, or, deliver a long-winded, rambling explanation that takes longer than actually reading the pages.

3) Ignore any guidelines your group has set re: number of pages, reader copies, formatting, etc. Your pages are special.

4) Pout if you aren't first up, or sit and Tweet your friends until it is your turn to read. Why should you reciprocate with feedback if it's not your genre or up to your standards?

5) Never take notes. If a comment is worthwhile, surely you'll remember it.

6) Disrespect the readers who offer silly suggestions and tell you they don't understand something. Add heavy sighs, eye-rolling, and cut them off while speaking. It's not as if they represent a potential reader audience you want your work to reach.

7) Defend and explain your work. It's not like you ever experience a gap between what you intended and carried in your head, and what made it down onto the page.

8) Keep bringing back pages with the same mistakes. If you were told that your head-hopping induced vertigo, the narrative was too long and wordy, or YOUR ALL CAPS DIALOGUE WAS HARD TO READ, don't review the next set of pages and try to eliminate those elements. You wouldn't want to give the others in the group the mistaken impression that you are actually learning and growing as a writer.

9) Take all feedback personally; if they don't like your work, they don't like you. It can't mean simply that they feel this particular work falls short in some way, or that particular reader doesn't care for your genre.

10) Never thank the readers for sharing their time and energy to help make your work better. The opportunity to enjoy your fabulous prose or poetry should be thanks enough.

What, readers make mistakes too?

Click over to my previous post on

Ten Things Not To Do as a Reader in a Feedback Group.

(As a side note - speaking of Walk-of-Shame, I have probably committed all these sins myself at one time or another. Both as a writer and as a reader. So you're in good - or bad- company.)

Your thoughts?

Who Could Live Without the Super-Soaker? Or Potato Chips?

2012-02-29T05:00:00.000-08:00

Writing is about creativity, and creativity is about... invention.

On this wacky day, February 29, it seems appropriate to give a bow to those who invented some seriously wacky stuff.

Lonnie Johnson, inventor of the Super-Soaker. Yeah, yeah, his day job was various thermodynamic systems for NASA, he may have totally upgraded electricity worldwide, but he invented the Super-Soaker, man!

from MajorityRights.com

News articles are announcing that Lonnie “Super Soaker” Johnson has invented a fundamentally new and very important way of generating electricity that would raise the world’s carrying capacity by as much Jethro Tull’s seed drill or Norman Borlaug’s green revolution: The Johnson Thermoelectric Energy Conversion System:

“It’s like a conventional heat engine,” explains Paul Werbos, program director at the National Science Foundation, which has provided funding for JTEC. “It still uses temperature differences to create pressure gradients. Only instead of using those pressure gradients to move an axle or wheel, he’s using them to force ions through a membrane. It’s a totally new way of generating electricity from heat.”

Sure, it sounds impressive, but I don't know what it means. Will it mean a better life for me and my hamster?

Source: Uploaded by user via Beverly on Pinterest

Maybe I should just go with Kevin Woolfolk, who invented the Hamster Workout Wheel, a device that records your pet's mileage or wheel revolutions. Because if you can tell your hamster, "Hey, little buddy, do you know that you traveled 4.5 miles today?" you know he will feel so much more satisfied.

Life is but a dream, and television is but an illusion - crap, am I infringing copyright? Because Valerie Thomas holds the patent on an illusion transmitter.

And let us not forget (here the clouds open and the heavenly choirs sings, aaah-aah) George Crum.

photo via notwithoutsalt,
where there's a great recipe for these
with fennel spice rub

Inventor of the potato chip.

Don't you feel better knowing, today, where the potato chip and the super-soaker came from? Maybe you didn't run any laps, but your hamster put in a good 5k.

Of course, chances are, if you just sit around, watching your hamster run on his little wheel, eating potato chips and having neighborhood wars with your Super-Soaker, nothing real will get done.

Like pages on your manuscript. Well, maybe you can hire somebody brilliant like Valerie Thomas to transmit the illusion of success for you, today, and every Leap Day.

What's on your mind, this Wacky Wednesday that also happens to be Leap Day?

Write Here, Write Now - #ManCandy Monday

2012-02-27T05:00:00.322-08:00

Writers don't tend to have the best bods. (Not insulting, just sayin', it's not easy finding pics of them with their shirts off.)

They're still hot, IMO. They might be passionate and fiery and tick people off. Or they might wear glasses, perhaps be a bit shy. But I've always been a sucker for a man with a huge... vocabulary. One who knows how to use it. *swooning*

There's a good reason poets are famous for attracting groupies.

Jean Toomer 1894-1967
Poet, playwright, novelist

Banking Coal

By Jean Toomer

Whoever it was who brought the first wood and coal
To start the Fire, did his part well;
Not all wood takes to fire from a match,
Nor coal from wood before it’s burned to charcoal.
The wood and coal in question caught a flame
And flared up beautifully, touching the air
That takes a flame from anything.
Somehow the fire was furnaced,
And then the time was ripe for some to say,
“Right banking of the furnace saves the coal.”
I’ve seen them set to work, each in his way,
Though all with shovels and with ashes,
Never resting till the fire seemed most dead;
Whereupon they’d crawl in hooded night-caps
Contentedly to bed. Sometimes the fire left alone
Would die, but like as not spiced tongues
Remaining by the hardest on till day would flicker up,
Never strong, to anyone who cared to rake for them.
But roaring fires never have been made that way.
I’d like to tell those folks that one grand flare
Transferred to memory tissues of the air
Is worth a like, or, for dull minds that turn in gold,
All money ever saved by banking coal.

Some poetry, I confess, goes right over my head, but Banking Coal left me feeling warm all over.

Toomer was Old School poetry - how about a new Old School poet?

Sometimes he did some crazy stupid things. Sometimes he said or rapped some crazy stupid things. Other times, Tupac was incredibly poetic and expressed serious sense in his too-short life:

"Since we all came from a woman, got our name from a woman, and our game from a woman. I wonder why we take from woman, why we rape our woman, do we hate our woman? I think its time we killed for our woman, be real to our woman, try to heal our woman, cause if we don't we'll have a race of babies that will hate the ladies, who make the babies. And since a man can't make one he has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one."

- Tupac Shakur

Big brown eyes, Tupac was a very handsome man, if one of the few I don't enjoy seeing shirtless. Maybe it was the tats that didn't do it for me.

Tavis Smiley. Author. Talk Show Host. Activist. Editor. And looks mighty fine in a leather jacket, too.

I admit, I haven't caught his show in a while - I haven't caught anybody's show. (Been writing.) But back when I did watch on a regular basis, I thought his nightly PBS show was one of the best shows on television. Although often he had the same movie stars promoting their movies and authors flogging their books that every other talk show host had on, he got real depth out of them.

It wasn't all about the latest Hollywood blockbuster, either. Guests were (and are) artists, musicians, politicians, economists, scientists... Tavis asked provoking questions, and searching follow-up questions. He refused to stay on the beaten path, in terms of allowing the guest to direct the interview to their safe and comfy talking points. However, I never got the feeling, even if he openly disagreed with a guest's point of view, that he ever disrespected them. That's not an easy line to walk.

Speaking of not easy, how about being an artist, and illustrator? Kadir Nelson is a triple threat, having also stepped up to the plate to be a children's book author, as well. His books include the 2011 release "Heart and Soul: The Story of America and African Americans" and "WE ARE THE SHIP: The Story of Negro League Baseball."

The vibrancy of the colors in these paintings and murals, the action in the baseball and basketball figures, simply amazing, IMO. I can smell the brick dust stirred up by the slide in the baseball pic, above right; my fingers can feel the silky texture of the braids in the mane of the King's horse, below.

All that talent, and Nelson's really a babe, don't you think?

Source: ericjeromedickey.com via Beverly on Pinterest

Software developer to best-selling author. Isn't that the path everybody takes?

Maybe not. Certainly not everyone writes a dozen thrillers that hit the New York Times bestseller list like Eric Jerome Dickey.

I had to put Pleasure on my wish list:

Nia Simone Bijou is a woman who has it all—and is driven by the desire for more. She sets out on an exploration of her innermost fantasies, and embarks on three passionate and forbidden affairs. Each lover teaches Nia valuable lessons about herself and her desires—but how long can Nia play with fire without getting burned?

Publishers Weekly called the book “a steamy romance” that “delivers its message that saying ‘yes’ to pleasure can also lead to self-enlightenment,” while Kirkus Reviews raved that PLEASURE ”will leave you hot and bothered.”

Not that his picture doesn't lead me in that direction anyway. *fans self*

Source: imdb.com via Beverly on Pinterest

Keenen Ivory Wayans. I fell in very strong like with his edgy, hilarious writing and characters when he launched In Living Color. Yes, it was often outrageous and offensive... but in a charming way. He wasn't afraid to look ridiculous, to wear Rick James' Jheri curls or dress in drag.

Such a sexy smile. I guess a man with a biting wit should have big shiny white teeth to match.

If you, too were a fan of ILC - guess what? It's coming back! From Deadline.com in October 2011:

Fox is bringing back its groundbreaking 1990s sketch comedy series In Living Color with the series’ creator and star, Keenen Ivory Wayans, on board as host and executive producer. Fox has ordered two In Living Color half-hour specials to air as part of the network’s 25th anniversary celebration in midseason with a series option behind them, meaning that in success, the reboot will join Fox’s schedule as a regular series next season.

They're supposed to air in the spring of this year. Of course, the shows could flop, but I am rooting for them to succeed, even if they feature an all new cast. I might even have to start watching TV again. Though I will always have deep fondness for the original brothers.

Do you have any sexy writers - be they screenwriters, poets, novelists, children's authors, or somethin' else, we'd all enjoy peeking at?

Please share, below.

Hungry, Miserable & Watching Whittling Down my TBR List

2012-02-22T05:00:00.000-08:00

Cover of The Hunger GamesKnocking out the books on my TBR list, here's my loves and hates for February:

The Hunger Games (trilogy). I have felt vastly disappointed in wildly popular books whenever I get around to reading for myself what all the buzz is about. The Horse Whisperer. The DaVinci Code. (Somebody, anybody, buy Robert Whatshisface a personality, any personality, please!) The Girl Who Might Possibly Do interesting things eventually after you have slogged through 100+ pages of mind-numbing dullness, with the lead journalist Mikhail guy just as bland as Robert Whatshisface.

I'd call those characters vanilla, but that would be insulting vanilla, which does have a distinct odor and flavor. (Yes, yes, I hear that the films and the acting in them was great, but a screenplay is only 180 pages, tops, not 600 as those borefests were.)

So I put off reading The Hunger Games, out of fear of being let down yet again, and an outsider at the party of everybody yelling, "Hurray, doesn't the Emperor have on a gorgeous new suit?" Plus it was *holding my nose* Young Adult. I'm a grown-up, isn't the genre beneath me?

I have rarely been so happily surprised by a book/series (because like eating M & M's or potato chips, I had to keep going until I finished the entire series). Among other things, Suzanne Collins has a background in screenwriting, so she understands how to make a story move. I would advise every novelist to spend a little time studying screenwriting. You're required to say more with fewer words. (Not that I've mastered this.) The Hunger Games characters are engaging, the plot has interesting twists and turns, and the stakes couldn't be higher. (5/5 stars, across the board.)

I could tell you about it, but this trailer does a better job describing the storyline:

I'm generally not a "movies" person. IMO, ninety-nine times out of a hundred, the book is way better - even Gone With the Wind which is still a great movie - but I am actually looking forward to this movie. Jennifer Lawrence (incredible in Winter's Bone), based on the trailers, looks and moves just as I pictured Katniss. Woody Harrelson as Haymitch, the washed-up drunk mentor, perfect. Donald Sutherland chewing up the scenery as evil President Snow, Lenny Kravitz as Cinna... the casting looks amazing.

So, comparing this series to an old classic, also made into movies and plays, Les Misérables by Victor Hugo. Freshen your drink, and hit the head, we'll be a while. Our buddy Victor takes a looooong time to set up any conflict. We start with the wonderful, saintly Bishop. Chapter after chapter of snooze-worthy saintliness. There's a telling (not a showing) of an encounter with bandits in a remote village, and then a second telling via letter of the Bishop's sister, of the same incident. There's a lot of name-dropping about people who were semi-important in 1815 France, but mean about as much to a modern reader as the names of the semi-finalists of American Idol, Season Three, would mean to somebody in 1815 France.

I stuck with Les Mis, till I was 60% of the way through (and do intend to return to it, sometime this century) while I did not with Dragon Tattoo, because even though there was little conflict, I had interesting characters. The Bishop, his sister, and, once he arrived on the scene, Jean Valjean. Fantine, and her petit Cosette. Inspector Javert and his OCPD. I cared about what happened to them, whereas with those other characters, I didn't care if they lived or died. (I kinda leaned on the "die" side.)

That said, I could not read every word of Les Mis. I gave it a go, but after 3-4 pages of the battle of Waterloo, one bullet at a time, with another 15 or so pages ahead, I gave myself permission to skim the boring parts. IMO, Hugo would not get published today without major editing - way too much scenery and boring backstory. Even skimming, I could not finish it without taking breaks to read books that were, well, interesting.

Tolkien had never-ending battles in his works, too, and so do other classic and popular works of fiction. Is this some kind of battle-porn that some readers actually enjoy? Is it a guy thing? Pages and pages of thrusting swords, bullets piercing through flesh, and big fat cannons going off? *shakes head* Not interesting to me. I'll take my porn straight up, thank you.

Watching Willow Watts by Talli Roland. I "met" Talli last year during Arlee Bird's A-Z Blogfest. She's a sweet, gracious, kind writer always eager to give a hand or word of encouragement to another writer. So I was a little nervous about reading this book. What if I hated it? Do I go ahead and be honest, giving it a crappy review? Do I ignore it as if I bought but never read it?

Luckily - I liked the book very much. Willow was a little too pliant (something like an actual willow, possibly a deliberate author choice) for my taste in the beginning of the novel, but by the end, she's discovered quite a sturdy backbone, thank you very much!

I loved the subplot romance between Bette Johnson, co-dependent and unsatisfied middle-aged woman out of Georgia (USA) and Willow's dad. I also loved the many slang Brit terms - as a Yank, for whatever reason, everything sounds twice as charming in a British accent or term. (You had me at the loo!) I am looking forward to reading more of Talli's work.

Four Queens- Nancy Goldstone - I gave this 4/5 stars. If you're curious about medieval history, but hate dry scholarly tomes, this would work well for you. Goldstone's style is chatty, almost tabloid-like, though she unobtrusively works in dates and important events (wars, births of heirs, deaths, etc). Imagine if Kate Middleton had three younger sisters, one of whom married Prince Harry, and the other two married other European royalty. Pretty unlikely, huh? Like Middleton, these girls (they became women later, but marrying at 13 or so, counts as being girls, IMO) were not themselves royalty; unlike the Middletons, their county, while beautiful, was vastly in debt. Except for the youngest daughter, they had no dowry; Mama Dearest was charming but also manipulative and a bit controlling. She also had eight ambitious brothers who managed to work the royal connections with their nieces to do quite well for themselves. (My full review is up on Goodreads & Amazon.)

Crash Into You - Roni Loren

In one way this has been on my TBR list for a very long time - since I "met" Roni online last year, though it was only released in January 2012. Regardless of your genre, Roni writes one of of the best writing blogs on the web, so you're a fool if you don't follow her. Just sayin'.

But, like reading Talli, I was afraid. What if I don't like it? Roni has not only been a kind blogfriend, she's even given me an interview. Her book is explicit BDSM stuff, and that's not generally my flavor of lube, if you KWIM (Know What I Mean).

Not to worry. Loren develops the characters beautifully. Brynn is beautiful, kinky, and vulnerable. Reid is to-die-for sexy, but he's very much in love with Brynn... and also has his weak spots. She violates "the rules" but writes a beautiful book by telling the story in parallel: then and now. The end is a twist I didn't quite see coming, but found believable, and she also introduces a mancandy character, Jace, I hope to be seeing a lot more of. If you like this kind of material, you will love it, and if you don't like this material... you should read it anyway, just for the experience. You may find, just like myself and the Hunger Games, to be surprised.

Left on my TBR list:

The Birthday of the World - Ursula LeGuin
Messalina: Devourer of Men - Zetta Brown
Uncut Diamonds - Karen Jones Gowan
On Writing - Stephen King
Les Miserables - Victor Hugo - slightly more than halfway through
Daisy Miller - Henry James
Bet Me - Jennifer Crusie
Hot, Flat and Crowded - Thomas Friedman
Pleasure's Edge - Eve Berlin
Her Fearful Symmetry - Audrey Niffeneger
Falling Leaves - Adeline Yen Mah
Picture Perfect - Jodi Picoult
Giving Up the Dream - J.L. Campbell
Watching Willow Watts - Talli Roland
Shifters' Storm - Vonna Harper
Automagically - Sommer Marsden
You Can Heal Your Life - Louise Hay
The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins
Little Black Dress - Susan McBride
Tourist Trap - Sue Ann Bowling
Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
Confessions of an Improper Bride - Jennifer Haymore

The details and sign-up are at Vicky's blog, Books Biscuits and Tea.

Are there any books you're moved off your TBR pile so far this year?

Have you read any of the books I read?

What did you think? Are you a fan of battle-porn?

Men in Uniform - Who Could Ask for Anything More? #MancandyMonday

2012-02-20T09:30:00.000-08:00

I grew up in a family full of uniforms. Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines and Coast Guard, our family fully represented America's Armed Forces.

Familiarity did not breed contempt. I still very much enjoy the sight of a fine man in a fine uni.

Here's a few to enjoy and honor, this Presidents' Day.

Army:

Lt. Henry Ossion Flipper. Born into slavery, he was the first African-American to graduate from West Point in 1877, not without experiencing severe rejection and persecution by white cadets. He later wrote a book about the experience.

He became a cavalry officer and served on the western frontier, the first non-white soldier to lead Buffalo Soldiers of the 10th Cavalry.

His original commander, Captain Nicholas M. Nolan, supported him. However, the friendship he formed with Captain Nolan's white sister-in-law would later be used against him when he was transferred to Fort Davis, and placed under the command of a commander with a reputation for carrying out petty grudges against his officers, let alone one who was black.

After what appears to have been a set-up, Flipper was accused of embezzling funds, and the correspondence between Flipper and Miss Mollie Dwyer was used against him. He was court-martialed; cleared of embezzlement, but found guilty "of conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentlemen."

From history.army.mil

As a civilian, Henry Flipper went on to distinguish himself in a variety of governmental and private engineering positions. These included serving as surveyor, civil and military engineer, author, translator, special agent of the Justice Department, special assistant to the Secretary of the Interior with the Alaskan Engineering Commission, aide to the Senate Committee on Foreign Relations, as well as an authority on Mexican land and mining law.

Flipper tried unsuccessfully for the remainder of his life to have his commission restored. In 1976 the Army Board of the Correction of Military Records found that his conviction and punishment were unduly harsh, issuing him an honorable discharge. In 1999, President Bill Clinton officially pardoned Flipper.

Source: psywarrior.com via Beverly on Pinterest

Colin Powell

Everybody knows and respects General/Secretary Colin Powell. (I'm foggy on whether being a four-star general outranks Secretary of State, or whether it's the other way around. Anybody know?)

Started out in the ROTC during college in New York, served in the Army during Vietnam, where he earned many of that chestful of medals. Chairman of Joint Chiefs of Staff during George H.W. Bush's administration, continuing into the Clinton admin. George W. Bush pegged him for the Secretary of State spot, after which he and his wife Alma (married since 1962) began a charitable organization called America's Promise Alliance, with the goal of seeing all children graduate high school poised to succeed in college and life.

IMO, Secretary Powell is very easy on the eyes, even now going into his 70's.

Navy:

What's that? The Village People don't really count as Navy? How about Doris (better known as Dorie) Miller, hero of the attack on Pearl Harbor? Cook turned machine-gunner, after his battle-station was destroyed, and he'd fulfilled all other assigned duties. Awarded the Navy Cross for extraordinary courage in battle. (Many feel he should have received the Medal of Honor as well.)

Cuba Gooding Jr. portrays hero Dorie Miller in the movie Pearl Harbor

Image via Wikipedia

The real Doris Miller

Assigned to the escort carrier Liscome Bay, Miller was lost in the sinking of that ship in November 1943.

IMO, real life Navy heroes are incredibly sexy.

Coast Guard:

Source: telegraph.co.uk via Beverly on Pinterest

If you watched Saving Private Ryan and a number of other World War II movies, you might come away with the notion that African-American men (and women) in the then-segregated Armed Forces were safely in the background. Not so. Pictured above is John Noble Roberts, a 19-year-old coast guardsman who lost one leg (with severe injuries to the other) on an amphibious ferry bringing troops to the beaches of Normandy on D-Day.

Air Force

Source: en.wikipedia.org via Beverly on Pinterest

Although all servicemen are worthy of admiration, there is something especially dashing about flyboys. Benjamin O. Davis, Jr., became the first African American general in the U. S. Air Force.

He did have a leg-up in that his father was a career military officer, but suffered the same obstacles as other black military officers before him. Shunned at West Point, Davis became even more determined to graduate and do well.

Instead of entering the Army, however, Davis became a pilot; the first black officer to graduate from Tuskegee Army Air Field.

from Wikipedia:

In the summer of 1945, Davis took over the all-black 477th Bombardment Group, which was stationed at Godman Field, Kentucky.

During the war, the airmen commanded by Davis had compiled an outstanding record in combat against the Luftwaffe. They flew more than 15,000 sorties, shot down 111 enemy planes, and destroyed or damaged 273 on the ground at a cost of 66 of their own planes and losing only about twenty-five bombers.

Davis himself led dozens of missions in P-47 Thunderbolts and P-51 Mustangs. He received the Silver Star for a strafing run into Austria and the Distinguished Flying Cross for a bomber-escort mission to Munich on June 9, 1944.

Courageous, determined, and movie-star handsome, General Davis passed away in 2002.

Marines

A little cheating; this man, below, isn't USMC, he's a Royal Marine Commando (UK). David McIntosh, aka Tornado on Gladiators.

Okay, here's one of many real-life USMC foxes, Frederick C. Branch, smiling as his wife pins his second lieutenant bars on his uniform.

Click the link for many more pictures and stories of the thousands of African-American recruits trained through Montford Point Camp.

From USA Today:

With the exception of a few slaves and freemen in the Continental Marines during the American Revolution, blacks did not serve in the Marine Corps until World War II — and even then, many military leaders were reluctant to include them....

...African Americans joined the Marines during World War II despite the hostility.

Commander in Chief. No, he doesn't wear a uniform, and yes, Barack Obama's got goofy sticky-out-y ears, but such a smile!

Meaning no disrespect, but I think our current President is a very fine-looking man. Regardless of one's politics, I hope we can all agree that nothing is sexier than a man who clearly loves and is comfortable with his wife and children. I don't think I've ever seen a picture where they're not all leaning in close, looking happy to be with each other (although as the girls enter teenager-~~hell~~ -hood, we may see some sulks going on).

I appreciate and honor every man and woman who serves this country (or their own), but I have to admit to an extra share of appreciation for those who did so against the odds. In times when skin color, accent, or gender ensure that one does not receive an equal opportunity for advancement, it takes a very special man or woman to serve anyway.

Your thoughts?

Captain Condom: Cover Me, I'm Goin' In!

2012-02-15T05:00:00.000-08:00

Image via WikipediaValentine's Day and STI's just go together.

Well, generally the one follows the other, because many people feel the pressure to fall in love over this time of year. Who wants to be alone over Valentine's Day?

Not that love is a mistake, but rushing into a romantic and/or sexual relationship... Yep. Regrets. And although the poster on the left blamed women (of course) for spreading VD (once upon a time, they called Sexually Transmitted Infections - Venereal Disease, or VD), plenty of men who "look clean" are bringing more than a good time to the party, too.

As a writer of erotica and romance, one of the questions we ask ourselves is: How do we write about condom use and keep it sexy?

First let's debunk the idea that irresponsible sex = more enjoyable sex. Even leaving pregnancy and the life-threatening possibility of AIDS out of the equation (and nobody knows when the next AIDS-like disease is going to appear), ain't nothin' sexy about being treated for gonorrhea, chlamydia, or even crabs. Responsible sex = hotter sex, because smart partners who are willing to protect us and themselves are much sexier partners. It falls upon contemporary romance and erotica writers to either write condom use into their scenes in a sexy way, or provide a plausible reason why condom use is unnecessary (vampires don't carry or catch STI's).

I was surprised, however, upon watching this video clip, to discover several facts about condoms I did not know. Like how to test the package, pre-opening, for leaks or punctures. That there's one side designed to open easily. Or that the tear-it-open-with-teeth move can damage the poor li'l thing. Yikes!

Were you surprised as well? Did you know about the sombrero vs. baby bottle?

What about the female condom? (Yes, Virginia, there is such a thing.) Despite appearing large enough to serve as a rain protector for a Smartcar, there are many advantages to using one. Here's the how-to's:

For those sensitive to latex, or women whose partners balk at wearing a standard condom, the female condom is well worth trying. There's also the advantage of being able to put them in hours ahead of time, so if we happen to be ~~sluts~~ the super-spontaneous type, inclined to say, "Just this once won't matter," then it really won't.

For a writer, condom use can also increase the drama or humor. The horror of that busted condom moment (less likely if one avoids the errors pointed out, above), or that always awkward "fishing trip" post-coitus for a condom that has "disappeared."

Plus now, there's even designer condoms on the horizon. Would you be more likely to become involved with a big spender who flashed one of these? (That's a Louis Vuitton prototype; unlike me, you probably have oodles of things around the house with that brand on it, and recognized it right away.) Notice the embossing on the actual condom surface itself, for added enjoyment. Estimated price, should these go into production, $68 a pop, er, condom.

Source: incrediblethings.com via Beverly on Pinterest

Did you learn something from the clips, above?

Have you ever used a female condom - and did it squeak?

Ever had to "go fishing"?

Dammit, Whitney!

2012-02-13T05:00:00.000-08:00

Image via WikipediaI didn't want you to go like that.

Sometimes when talented stars exhibit repeated "substance abuse problems," and then claim to have cleaned up their act, I couldn't care less whether it's true or not. Oh, I don't wish them ill or anything, but I simply Don't. Care.

Whitney I wanted to see make that comeback. I had a mad girl-crush on her, back in the 80's, and the song below was and is one of my favorites. She was so incredibly talented, so lovely, and at least in this video, so filled with joy and hope. Such a waste.

Lot of buzz blaming her ex Bobby Brown for introducing her to drugs, way back when. Certainly, if the news was reversed, if he'd drowned or OD'ed the tub, instead of her, I wouldn't need a hanky. Cold, but true; I'm pretty sure if the world had never heard Mr. Brown's one big hit, the planet would go on spinning. Likewise that other Brown guy, no relation to Bobby, the one more famous for hitting his talented girlfriend Rihanna in the face than anything he ever performed, that guy, the one on the Grammy's again because...? No big loss.

Whereas Whitney had the voice of an angel, at least once upon a time she did. Before she lost her way, she could've sung a grocery list or ketchup label and made it sound amazing.

Reality is, some people are toxic for us. Maybe they beat us, maybe they just batter us with their words, or teach us to share their addictions.

Whether they're spouses, love partners, business partners, friends, whether it is "all their fault" or all ours, or somewhere in between, sometimes we get too closely entangled with people who bring out the bad in us. The unhealthy, the codependent, the drug or alcohol dependent side.

If we're smart and lucky, we realize this and break it off before it's too late. Even if it feels like we can't possibly live without them. Still we surface, find our way back to who were are/were.

Sometimes, though, we stay too long, and the damage is done. Like a poison spreading through our system, simply cutting off the infected part isn't enough to do the job anymore. I so wanted, hoped Whitney Houston would get her act together, and soon. She had such talent, so much to live for, a beautiful young daughter who needed her mom.

Her fate so easily could've been me, or somebody I loved.

My deepest condolences to Whitney's family, and those who loved her.

Your thoughts?

In FantasyLand, I'm a World Champion Figure Skater

2012-02-08T05:00:00.000-08:00


from celeblifemag.com

You ever read a romance where the drop-dead gorgeous heiress heroine is something like a PhD at the age of 22, and a ballerina, who cures cancer in her spare time?

When I read something like that, part of me says, "Oh, I so wish I was her!" and part of me says, "Oh, yeah, ~~bullshit~~ hogwash. Nobody could be that talented."

Actually, I didn't want to be a ballerina. But I did think from time to time, I might possibly, be a tennis player. Or a figure skater.

I was born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I'm tall, sturdily built, not without athletic stamina (if totally lacking in balance and grace), and growing up, of course I had my own ice skates. Local skating rink, too, that I spent a lot of time at. Well, not really a rink. In the wintertime, the neighborhood kids took turns; somebody would ask their parents' permission and they'd turn on the garden hose to flood the back yard. Ta-da! "Rink" a few yards wide and long created overnight, when the water froze.

It made a decent enough surface to skate on, if kind of ripply. You also had to mind the grass clumps poking through the ice. Sometimes, when an irate parent who hadn't been asked, after all, discovered the neighborhood congregating on the rink in their backyard, somebody would get into trou-ble.

Another lesson from skating... You fall down, a lot. You learn to haul your tired behind up when you fall, every single time, a habit that pays off in other areas, like, writing.

So anyway, ice skating. I thought I was all that.

Then on TV I saw real figure skaters. Dorothy Hamill, Janet Lynn,and one of my personal heroines, Debi Thomas. Who proved that those over-the-top talented heroines really did exist.

Debi won the US Nationals Women's Singles Figure Skating Championships, on this very day (Feb 8) in 1986. While she was a pre-med student at friggin' Stanford University.

I did not "get" at the time, that this was not actually possible. A pre-med student has time for his/her studies, plus an occasional nap. A figure skater, likewise.

Debi took her calculus final in Sarajevo while she was competing for the World Championships.

I mean, come on. If you know anything about figure skating, you know it is full of incredible pressure and cut-throat competition. Though Debi was before Tonya Harding's lead-pipe-to-the-knee time, it wasn't a time of tea, crumpets, and bonhomie. Sadly, much racism and/or nationalism existed in the judging.

No way could Debi manage the requirements of competitive skating: the athletic jumps, the soft pretty artistic movements that woo the crowd and judges alike, the intricate footwork... Except, as you see in the clip below, she did, somehow.

She was (almost) nineteen years old.

Later, at the ripe old age of 21, she "failed" in the Calgary Olympics, after coping with Achilles tendonitis in both ankles, "only" bringing home the Bronze Medal. (Because we all know that a Bronze Medal at the Olympics is akin to failing, right?) One of the things I admired most about Debi, was afterwards, when she was interviewed and people were almost begging her to whine and make excuses for not bringing home the gold she'd been favored to win, she neither made excuses for herself, nor ran down Katarina Witt, her main competitor.

Debi Thomas "failed" right into a degree in engineering from Stanford (because everyone know they hand those things out like Pez candies), and a medical specialization as an orthopedic surgeon. Married and a mother; in 2010 she started her own private practice in Virginia. She's even laced up a pair of skates to perform in recent years.

So, okay, I can't compete with Debi, at either figure skating or medicine, but I have learned:

Incredibly talented heroines may not be common, but they do exist
It is possible to pursue more than one dream at a time
It is possible to succeed against the odds
The key is not giving up, not making excuses
You can let "failure" get you down, or you can keep going, perhaps achieve something even more wonderful. Thomas says of her son, "Luc is by far my greatest accomplishment."

Who's your FantasyLand icon?

What have you learned from him/her?

Doctor, I Have A Fever! #MancandyMonday

2012-02-06T05:00:00.000-08:00

Source: last.fm via Beverly on Pinterest

I admit it. I do have a weakness for hot musicians. With or without a big snake.

(I know that's where your eyes went on Lenny Kravitz, directly to the snake, right?)

However, I'm not totally shallow.

I actually prefer a man with a big, throbbing... brain, one who knows how to use it. If he has good looks too... I could live with that.

Here's some doctor-types that set my pulse racing.

All about the Benjamins:

Source: milwaukee.k12.wi.us via Beverly on Pinterest

Benjamin Carson, on the left. Pediatric neurosurgeon. First to successfully separate Siamese twins joined at the back of the head.

Granted, this is a younger photo of him; he's 60 now, but dang! He doesn't look like a doctor, does he? More like someone who plays a doctor on TV.

Benjamin Banneker (not shown) astronomer, city planner, inventor. You can bless and curse him for being part of the team that laid out the city of Washington, DC.

Dr. Ernest Everett Just. (right) Born African-American. In 1883. In Charleston, South Carolina. (I will pause now to let that sink in.) The man still became an internationally known authority on fertilization and egg development.

There's a joke in there somewhere, looking at that handsome face and thinking about his field of expertise, but out of respect I ain't going for it.

Dudley Weldon Woodard. (not shown, but still a good-looking man) PhD in Mathematics. Master's thesis: Loci Connected with the Problem of Two Bodies. Is it bad that title sounds faintly like a p0rn movie to me?

So, I thought, well maybe it is. I looked up loci, which is the plural of locus. From Dictionary.com:

lo·cus
noun, plural -ci [-sahy, -kee, -kahy] -ca [-kuh] .1.a place; locality.2.a center or source, as of activities or power: locus of control.3. Mathematics . the set of all points, lines, or surfaces that satisfy a given requirement.4. Genetics . the chromosomal position of a gene as determined by its linear order relative to the other genes on that chromosome.

Perhaps it's a good thing that Dr. Woodard was before my time, as even with the dictionary's help, I remain confused as to what, exactly, a locus is. But the dude had it going on, in both looks and brains.

from EPSN.com

Dr. J, aka Julius Erving. (on the left) Not a real doctor. However, he could slam dunk from the free throw line, which is extremely impressive.

Confession: I'm not a basketball fan. If I never ~~have to~~ get to sit through another game watching tall millionaires in short pants, I won't be weeping about it. Nor will I miss the squeak-squeak of their damn shoes. But... I have to give credit to somebody who was an incredible innovator, who came into a sport as was and left it forever changed. Look at that picture again, the height he got on that jump.

He was also part-owner of a NASCAR racing team, so saith Wikipedia. (Another sport I have experienced, and yet, don't crave seconds on.)

Source: amscoextra.blogspot.com via Beverly on Pinterest

Oh my stars, Neil deGrasse Tyson! (Look at him on the right, all suave and sexy in his suns and moons vest.) More earned and honorary doctorates than our solar system has planets (especially after he spearheaded the move to shut out Pluto.)

So handsome, so smart, and so articulate. Probably 99% of the time, he is the smartest man in the room, yet he manages to convey large amounts of info to the rest of us, without making a well-meaning listener like me feel dumber than a moon rock, or sounding like a total condescending prick.

I always knows when I see his face on TV, that a) I'm going to learn something I did not know, b) that I will feel good about it, and c) that I will be tickled by his overwhelming enthusiasm for the field of science. Like Carl Sagan, Tyson's so charming in that respect. It's not simply a show for the cameras, he seems to love science and sharing that love with other people.

Source: thelightnc.com via Beverly on Pinterest

Another man with stars in his eyes, Dr. Bernard A Harris, Jr. Doctor. Astronaut. Licensed private pilot. Humanitarian. Mustacharian. (Okay, I made word that up, but him and Neil deGrasse Tyson, both with the facial stylings? And they both look good in their mustaches, whereas some guys trying to wear them would look like 70's p0rn actors. And why am I suddenly so fixated on p0rn?)

Okay, this is a bit of a cheat. These guys: Eriq LaSalle, George Clooney, Noah Wylie, were not real doctors, they only played them on TV.

Still. They are all very smart men. And while I'd rather not be in an ER, ever again, I wouldn't mind waking up to one of those faces leaning over me. They would not need those stethoscopes to hear my heart beating.

Source: eonline.com via Beverly on Pinterest

One last doctor, a PhD I love because he has made me laugh and feel wonderfulness for years.

Classically handsome? Not.... really. Kind of goofy looking, much of the time, but so smart, so funny.

I was lucky enough to see one of Bill Cosby's Vegas shows, many years ago. Don't recall if he did The Dentist routine then, but I do remember laughing uncontrollably.

We'll be losing a good man when he passes.

Do you have a favorite hot doctor - either a medical doctor, or PhD type?

Do you prefer a man with or without facial hair?

If you like facial hair on men, what kind?

SG Komen - Go Pee Up A Rope!

2012-02-03T13:15:00.000-08:00

Image via WikipediaLike a lot of other people, I vaguely thought the Susan G. Komen Foundation did much good for women. I thought the races looked like plenty of fun, and were a great place for survivors to meet and bond. I did wonder about how putting a pink ribbon on everything from soda pop to chips to KFC helped battle breast cancer, but I thought, well, maybe it's good, just to have men and women thinking about breast cancer.

My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was about 5. She was in her mid-forties.

This was in the Sixties, practically the Dark Ages as far as treatments went. The days when you went "under the knife" when they found a lump, and when you woke up, you found out if it was cancer or not, depending on how much of your chest they'd carved away.

They took her breast, the chest muscles, lymph nodes, the muscles under her arm.

They gave her radiation that made her sick. She was in remission, for several years, but the cancer recurred. They gave her male hormones, which caused her to grow a mustache, embarrassing her tremendously. They gave her all kinds of drugs that made her sick, made her hallucinate, made her body bloat and gain weight. The final indignity, for a woman who'd struggled so hard to lose the last baby weight she'd gained with me.

She died anyway, on the eve of my tenth birthday.

Betty Jane - and her first granddaughter.
She was 49 when she died, a few weeks
after this photo was taken.

As for me... well, found the first suspicious lump in my thirties. Biopsied. Benign. Another one some years later, another biopsy. Benign. My older sisters - a similar story. So far, so good.

In the past few years, I've developed a number of "interesting" masses, plus a large number of cysts. Last week, they told me that since they've all been stable for about two years, I can now drop to one mammo & ultrasound a year, instead of an extra ultrasound every six months. I'm happy about this, but I will never feel "safe." The most I can hope for is the relief of so far, so good.

My friend (and fabulous author) Lisa Hendrix turned me on to this video by this incredibly brave woman.

When there's an emotional connection to an issue, any organization, be it political, religious, or charitable, can take advantage of that emotional connection to persuade people to donate, volunteer, and participate. Usually without thinking, looking, and asking penetrating questions. Breast cancer is one of those issues that affects a lot of families, personally and emotionally.

I'm sure in the beginning, Nancy Brinker was truly remembering and grieving for her sister, Susan G. Komen, and forming the organization was an effective way to honor her sister and work out her grief. It's tragic when anyone loses a family member to breast cancer. But as to what the SGK Foundation has come to embody:

bloated salaries for their top executives
bullying and lawsuits to shut down smaller organizations
pinkwashing anything and everything that brings in corporate money, from junk food to animal feed to handguns
This latest, their decision to stop making grants to Planned Parenthood.
Oh, and they'd already defunded stem cell research, something that might actually lead to a cure for breast cancer.

Now they're spinning, and outright lying that politics and personal religious beliefs about when life starts had anything to do with their (original) Planned Parenthood decision.

They must think people are really, really, really stupid. That people will not think this is a desperate attempt to save their generous salaries (over $400k, really?), corporate and celebrity endorsements. I would retain at least a fraction of respect for them if they had the ovaries to say, "We made a mistake. It was a dumb and shortsighted move, and we won't do it again." Instead, frantic PR spinning and more BS.

They have proven that, whatever their original intentions, whatever phrase or color ribbon they pin on it (and try to copyright), they cannot be trusted. I am furious. My sisters are furious. My mother would have been furious.

Image via WikipediaYou may or may not support Planned Parenthood. I do. I was grateful to have their services available to me when I was a teenager, and needed information about birth control and contraceptives. I have friends who have used their services for pregnancy testing and prenatal care. I used their wonderful guide for parents to educate myself in how to talk to my son about sex. Abortion services only make up 3% of what they offer clients.

Yes, some PP clinics do offer abortion counseling and services. You may believe that human life begins the minute that sperm meets egg; I can't prove it does not, though I don't share that belief. I've already expressed my thoughts on why I'm pro-choice, here.

You will notice that this post is not illustrated with pink ribbons, but instead, practical illustrations that might help a woman (or a man, I have a male friend who's a breast cancer survivor) understand breast cancer a little better. I'm not sure that pink ribbons do much except a) make the person displaying one feel smugly generous, and b) bring in a lot of income to the companies that make pink ribbon decals, pins, and other items.

There are other organizations that have run/walks. Avon does one against breast cancer. NAMI does one (and I've participated in it) that battles mental illness, a vastly underfunded cause that also affects many, many families. While breast cancer will always be close to my heart (in more ways than one), a reality is that today, more women die of heart disease than all forms of cancer, combined. Maybe it's time to give the pink ribbons a rest and focus on other issues that also take women's lives. Like domestic violence.

In any event, the SG Komen Foundation can go pee up a rope, as far as I am concerned. I don't care if they triple their grants to Planned Parenthood. They are stick-a-fork-in-it done, as far as I'm concerned, and it would not grieve me if shortly enough other people felt the same way that they have to downsize and cut salaries.

How do you feel?

Do you have a Susan G. Komen story?

A Planned Parenthood one?

Or can you recommend another organization that supports breast cancer survivors?

I'm So Talented... In Theory

2012-02-01T05:00:00.000-08:00

via qthomasbower on Flickr

But who am I? I have to know it to show it, don't I? Perhaps I'm a poet:

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Well, I do like to consider myself a Phenomenal Woman, but I've totally ~~stolen~~ borrowed the words of Maya Angelou, a much better poet than I'll ever be.

Singer and dancer, perhaps? Of course - surely you've seen my video...

Okay, that's not me, either. Though admittedly, my moves are almost as smooth as baby Cory's.

An astronaut, then? Some people would say I'm pretty "out there." What does it take to do that? (Besides hitchin' a ride, since we don't have a space shuttle anymore?)

From Wikipedia:

Mae Carol Jemison (born October 17, 1956) is an American physician and NASA astronaut. She became the first black woman to travel in space when she went into orbit aboard the Space Shuttle Endeavour on September 12, 1992. After her medical education and a brief general practice, Jemison served in the Peace Corps from 1985 to 1987. She resigned from NASA in 1993 to form a company researching the application of technology to daily life. She has appeared on television several times, including as an actor in an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. She is a dancer, and holds 9 honorary doctorates in science, engineering, letters, and the humanities.

I am now feeling seriously stoopid. Dr. Jemison is not only incredibly talented and galactically brilliant, but smokin' hot. Plus she has that dancing mojo working for her.

totsymae.com

Okay, how about...

Painting? I can smear paint on a canvas... theoretically.

Then again, perhaps I should leave art to the real talent, like TotsyMae, Alma Thomas, Cora Marshall, and Valerie Maynard.

I'm not a self-made millionaire businesswoman like Sarah (C. J. Walker) or Oprah Winfrey.

I haven't become a bank president, won a Nobel Prize, or set the world on its ear by refusing to sit at the back of the bus.

I looks at these incredible women, and sometimes I get down on myself. Seemingly, they have accomplished so much, and I have accomplished so little.

I work a day job like millions of other Americans. In my spare time, I write smutty little stories that I hope will become my day job, someday. (Which are not, actually, "just" smutty little stories. I try to write in ways that entertain, but also shine light into some dark corners.)

Out of all the women I look at and wish I was more like them in some small or large way, Marian Wright Edelman is one of my longtime top heroes. Battling for children of all colors and abilities, for almost 40 years...

As she expresses it, “If you don’t like the way the world is, you have an obligation to change it. Just do it one step at a time.”

So, showing myself love means following my passion, doing what I can to make the world a better place. Maybe with less grace than Beyoncé, less blinding intelligence than Mae Jemison, less money and business savvy than Oprah (hey, almost everybody's a member of that club), but I'm doing what I can, when I can.

February. Hearts and Flowers time. Time for being loved, or showing love to myself.

Source: wosushi.wordpress.com via Beverly on Pinterest

I may be imperfect, but I can still be a Phenomenal Woman - and so can you. (Unless you're a guy, or transgender, in which case, just be a Phenomenal whatever you are, okay?)

Do something today to make the world a little bit better, because Phenomenal people do that kind of thing. Find a volunteer opportunity in your community. Give a homeless person five bucks instead of one. Pick up trash from the street or sidewalk. Give the dog an extra five minutes of playing fetch, or the cat an extra five minutes of stroking. Let somebody in the lane ahead of you even though it's not his turn. Start a recycling program at your day job. Distract a cranky toddler in the supermarket checkout line. The possibilities (find more here at A Year of Making A Difference) are endless.

What people do you admire and compare yourself to?

What great or small thing have you done today to show somebody
- including yourself - some love?

Why I Love My FaceBook Fan Page And a Little #Mancandy

2012-01-30T05:00:00.001-08:00

Image via CrunchBaseIf you're at all like me, the minute somebody says to you, "You should <blog, Tweet, create a FaceBook fan page, eat more salad> the first thought that crosses your mind is that the well-meaning "Should-er" should STFU.

But... they're right.

If I have only one fan who follows me through FaceBook, who loves my book, and shares it via her FaceBook account...

This is how word of mouth spreads, boys and girls. Don't you want every possible fan to know about your work?

See, I have friends and family who are all over FaceBook. Baby pictures, jokes, comments about sports... Some of 'em never met a stupid game they didn't like. And while they would hate me if I was sending them blurbs about my writing on a regular basis, they will be happy to plug my book(s) when published.

I also love my writer friends, who are only interested in sharing writing stuff and hearing tidbits about my work, or perhaps a shared mancandy picture.

Having a FaceBook fan page allows me to separate these groups. If I want to see who's pregnant, engaged, or furious that their team just lost a play-off game - personal FB page.

If I want to see what's happening in my LARA RWA group, or the multitude of blogs I follow via Networked Blogs and syndicate to my FaceBook fan page (more on that in a future post), I just toggle to my FaceBook writer fan page. I see that ooh, there's a new post from Writer Unboxed. And Lisa Hendrix has posted a great mancandy photo like the one below, yum!

Source: riogirl9909.deviantart.com via Beverly on Pinterest

Okay. Eyes back on the text now. Focus, breathe...

FaceBook. Fan Page. Why was that again? Besides quick and easy access to mancandy photos?

Simply having that handy little division between the personal side and the writer side makes me feel so much more organized. More organized/less confusion = more energy for writing! (In theory, anyway.)

Good thing about liking a fan page from your fan page, rather than your personal page: You avoid boring the crap out of your friends and family who are patiently waiting for you to get over that silly little writing hobby. (Until such time as you make it big, in which case they will brag to everyone they knew it all along. And hit you up for money.) Updates and posts only go to people interested in you and your writer's journey. Presumably, the "stuff" that's updated is useful content, because what you Like as a writer/author will be stuff like World Book Night.

It also keeps those peeps who are only interested in me as a writer from being bored by my comments about people's baby pictures, status updates, and relationships.

Post once, share twice. I have linked my FB fan page to Twitter (which is sadly neglected, poor thing.) So let's say I come across a great blog post, a cool article, etc. When I post that link to my FB fan page, or Share a post that's already there, it automatically goes to my FB fans, and my Twitter followers, who aren't necessarily the same people. This saves me time and energy, which I can then use for writing (or Pinterest, depending on my mood).

You can synch in both directions, but if you are an avid Tweeter, I would advise, not. Keep in mind, they are different types of social media. The people who follow you on FaceBook probably don't want 8 billion updates. However, if you have more than one FaceBook fan page, and more than one Twitter account, you can link each FaceBook fan page to a different Twitter account. (More on why you might want more than one, below.)

Bad thing about Liking a fan page from another fan page: Likes by other fan pages aren't currently included in the tally of how many people Like a Page. (Why not? I. Don't. Know. Why do ye FaceBook gods do half the stuff they do, like introduce the Timeline thingie that I have yet to learn how to use?) So you might click on a fan page like mine, see that a pitiful number of individual people are Following, and think, what a loser! But in actuality, I might have zillions of secret Followers. It only looks like I'm a loser.

(Is that argument working for you? Or, have I guilted you into Liking me out of pity? Then my job is done. )

When the day comes and we hit the bestseller lists (which I seriously intend to do), we will want to have all ducks in a row (even if some of them are facing backwards). Website. Blog. FaceBook presence. Twitter account(s). But at that time, we're going to be too damn busy giving interviews and writing the next bestseller to begin setting up all this Social Media stuff. Better to have it in place, even in a weak sauce form, ready to be turbo-charged.

Source: theberry.com via Beverly on Pinterest

Can't you pay somebody to do it for you? IMO, not really. Once you have established a presence, and made a personal connection with a number of your followers, sure, you could farm out some of the posts and updating, say, to your personal assistant. But nobody else is you, has your flavor, knows which posts or Tweets which make you eager to share, or make you roll your eyes and reply something snarky.

Done in tiny bits, it's really easy. (I'm not a techie,so if I could do it...)

More on the ins and outs of Social Media here on Financially InKleined, which is a great site if you don't want to be broke all your life.

Creating your fan page: While logged into FaceBook, click here. It'll bring up a screen that looks like this:

If you're a writer, you're an "Artist, Band, or Public figure." Then follow the yellow brick road to finish creating - it's easy-peasy. Don't worry at this stage, if you select the wrong thing. For instance, you may call yourself a Writer, and later decide to call yourself an Author. Or vice versa. Do be discreet about how much personal information to put "out there," like addresses, phone numbers, etc. All your fans may not be nice or sane people.

Once you have 25 "Likes" for your page, you can (and should) create a distinct username. Most branding experts suggest always going with your own name - but yours may be Bob Jones, and that may not be available. I had already assigned my name (beverlydiehl) to my personal facebook page, so it wasn't available for my fan page.

Besides, I'm not sure I won't adopt a pen name at some point. And people always have trouble with my last name. So for Twitter, Pinterest, and now, my FaceBook fan page, my handle is "WriterBeverly", instead of the long string of numbers. (http://www.facebook.com/WriterBeverly) If you can't or don't choose to brand with your own name, do be consistent, and be VERY, VERY careful when selecting that username, because that is the one thing that can't be changed. If you choose SarahsSexyShits instead of Shirts, this could be Unfortunate.

This circles back to why you want a FaceBook fan page now - you cannot reserve a username for your FaceBook fan page until after you create a FaceBook fan page (and get 25 fans. This is where you do hit up for friends and family to fan you for at least a couple weeks, so you can grab your username. Promise them they can unfan you later if they like.)

If you lag, it is entirely possible that some crazed stalker person might set up a fan page and grab your best username. Then when you do get around to setting it up, she's got facebook.com/BrilliantAuthor, filled with pictures of dogs relieving themselves, and you've got to settle for BrilliantAuthorBooks. And a lot of e-mails asking why you like posting rather strange pictures of dogs.

Also, consider this. You can have multiple fan pages - for different pen names, or books/series. You easily administer them all through logging into your personal FaceBook account. You can post new items as yourself, or log into the fan page as an administrator (two clicks) if you are keeping your identity secret. So you can have one fan page for your sweet bonnet romances, and a totally different one for your M/M erotica persona.

I have my writer fan page, and I have started a new fan page for a non-profit organization that brings reading & story experiences to young children, Words on Wheels. (Btw, WOW could use some more Likes. Just sayin'.)

You can also have a custom designed FaceBook landing page for your fan page, so that when somebody who has not yet Liked your page goes there, they see a different presentation than your regular followers. If you go in that direction, I suggest you hire a professional (some are actually fairly inexpensive) so you maintain a consistent look among website, blog, and your FaceBook page.

Are you ready to take the plunge, or do you already have a FaceBook fan page?

If you've learned anything useful, please share this post.

If you have other good tips, please share those, too, in the comments.

Time? What's That? Who's Got Any Extra Time? #GBE2

2012-01-26T14:32:00.000-08:00

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a writer in possession of a fabulous idea must be in want of the time in which to write. (Borrowing liberally from Her Awesomeness Jane A.)

Or perhaps, writers are required, by secret non-union contract, to bitch about lack of time. Compared to when we were in grade school and our lives consisted of playing freeze tag and blowing dandelion fluff and staring out the window.

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain.
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you....

Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines...

I
And then the lyrics go on to cheerful subjects like being short of breath and closer to death. I can't help but wonder how much less pleasure David Gilmour takes in singing them these days, now that he's ~~a geezer~~ more mature. As opposed to when he was in his 20's/30's and could be all deep and philosophical-like about growing old.

Reality is, no writer has any "extra" time. We all have things that take as much time as they take - eating, sleeping, going to the bathroom. As for the rest of our time - some of us have "normal" day jobs, some don't. (Bitches! Sorry, a little envy slipped out there.) I do realize, in the moments I'm not all catty and jealous, that most of those who "don't work" are freelance writing, taking care of kids and/or elderly parents, probably for as many hours a day (or more) than those of us with day jobs.

We make choices for the rest of our time. I choose to watch very little TV, in order to get maximum writing and reading time. Which means I feel left out, not seeing all the cool new series people are buzzing about, I have no idea which celebs are married or divorced or preggers, and if on pain of death I had to give a count as to how many Republicans are currently running for President, I would be in big trouble.

Another person may sacrifice sleep, or salon pedicures, or crafting time to make space for writing. Nobody has the Time Fairy sprinkling a little extra love on his/her head at night.

Yet no matter how fast we spin and shave off bits of time here and there, even if we haven't watched TV since the moon landing, if we're slamming coffee to get by on four hours sleep a night, and let our toenails grow out till they're making a clicking sound on the linoleum, there's not still enough to do everything we want to do.

Source: mechantdesign.blogspot.com via Beverly on Pinterest

Just like we can't eat all the food in the world at one time, we can't do everything we might like to do, write everything we'd like to write. Not in an hour, not in a day, not in a lifetime. All we can do is try to find balance, to fit in a little of everything: the things we must do, like eating and bathroom breaks, the things we "should" do, like nail-clipping, and the things we want to to, like socialize, write, read, and watch TV.

Source: dailybitsofbeauty.com via Beverly on Pinterest

It doesn't have to be perfect. We don't have to compete with another writer who's more prolific (but never dates) or a hostess who hand-peels grapes or whatever (can you tell my idea of fine hospitality is having two kinds of chips plus a veggie tray?) or kick ourselves because we wanted to get X,Y and Z done today, but we only got X done.

We don't have to compete with anybody, even ourselves. Let's be Zen. Live in and enjoy the moment we have now, today; use it the way feels best for us.

Maybe that's writing, maybe that's taking a nap, maybe it's watching TV while our car is being serviced. We can love the moment, or stress ourselves out about it.

I'd rather be happy, and have a balloon, either a real or virtual one.

How about you?

Are you learning to let go of self-imposed time stresses?

THRIVING After Childhood Sexual Abuse One Size Doesn't Fit All

2012-01-23T05:00:00.000-08:00

Teri Hatcher (Image via RottenTomatoes.com)Damaged Goods? I don't think so.

In the wake of the death of Joe Paterno, and the scandal that overwhelmed his legacy in recent months, I want to bring up a new angle on the whole issue of sexual abuse of children.

I won't ever argue that childhood sexual abuse is a good thing. I think we can pretty much all agree, it's a horrible thing.

BUT... at the same time, I am concerned that the outcry over the (alleged) Penn State scenario - kids seduced and/or forcibly raped by a powerful pedophile over the course of many years, while those in a position to stop it (like Joe Paterno) knew and did little to end it - actually goes a little too far.

"These boys' lives are ruined forever!" "These kids will never be able to live a normal life!" "They should <insert horrible torture here> to that man because nothing is as bad as what he did!" We keep the names of a rape or assault victim hidden in news reports to "protect" her (or him).

Outrage and anger is much better than turning a blind eye or condoning abuse, yet... Along with the outrage, we are sending the message that being a victim is something shameful, something from which no one ever really recovers, that once you are raped or assaulted, you are damaged goods forever.

I'm not suggesting that childhood (or adult) sexual abuse ain't no big thing, or that those who experienced it should just "stop whining and get over it." However, from the victims' perspective, there are many different layers of hurt and recovery. I know from personal experience.

I have been molested (boyfriend's dad, age 12), date-raped (17) and stranger raped at knifepoint (19). The experiences have impacted my life, absolutely. Even substantially changed the direction it might have taken. Still, they did not ruin my life, my sexual expression, or my future. I refuse to feel ashamed of violence directed at me by some a$$clown.

What happened to me isn't a big secret, though I don't put it on my job resume, or out front upon meeting new people, "Hi, I'm Beverly, I write rom-com novels and I've been raped and molested a couple times. Nice to meet you." Really, how would somebody respond to that? "Nice to meet you, have you tried the cocktail weinies?"'

I have met and become friends with many people who have experienced childhood sexual assault in various forms; to themselves, to their spouses and stepchildren, and sadly, to their own children.

I do support anonymity for victims of assault who prefer not to be assaulted a second time by the press trying to obtain a scoop. (When I was raped at 19, the local paper listed my age, the street I lived on, the "hundreds" block, and my place of employment. So anybody I worked with, or my neighbors, reading the local paper, wouldn't have had much trouble putting the pieces together.) These days, it wouldn't surprise me to find reporters actually walking into my house if I left the door unlocked, or hacking my e-mail.

Still, I also support those who do come forward, names and all. Because getting assaulted or raped, at any age, is no more the victim's fault than having a plane fall on you.

Abuse and assault is part of my life history and experience - it doesn't define who I am. I'm even a little repelled by the term victim, because it feels like there's something a bit condescending and smugly complacent in its usage - we always feel sorry for the poor victims, whether of sexual assault or hurricanes, don't we? (Not that I have a better alternative word.) I don't care for "survivor," either, because that conjures up an image of a plane crash, filthy clothes, and someone barely clinging to life. In the words of Clarissa Pinkola Estes, surviving as a goal isn't enough, we want (and deserve) to THRIVE.

I'm well aware that one size doesn't fit all - not in clothing, not in experiences or attitudes. Although my childhood was majorly screwed up in a variety of ways, I was also blessed with a healthy sexual education and was taught to believe that sex was a normal, desirable, and rather fun part of life, not something dirty or nasty of which I should be ashamed. I've experienced slut-shaming (and unwelcome sexual advances) by men who would've liked to have made me feel bad about being a sexual person, but it only swayed me for a little while.

I'm not suggesting if you or someone you love, have experienced childhood (or adult) sexual assault, that my life or attitudes are the way you/they "should" feel. I do want to encourage you that not only surviving, but thriving is possible.

Damage and recovery is impacted by who the abuser was; who, if anyone, ignored, condoned, or supported the abuse; if the abuse was one incident or many over a long period of time; how old the child was; his or her personality; what her/his experience was when s/he disclosed the abuse, and the support s/he did or did not receive.

Tyler Perry (Image via RottenTomatoes.com)A fourteen-year-old who gets flashed by a stranger in a parking lot will probably not be as traumatized as the child who is molested every other weekend by Grandpa beginning when s/he is eight and going on till s/he is eleven or twelve.

Still, rather than constantly dwelling on the terrible damage inflicted on childhood victims of sexual assault, I think we should spend as much or more time talking about the recovery, the possibilities for growth and bright futures, even for those who've been abused.

Reality: even those who have experienced horrific assaults upon their bodies have usually recovered and gone on to live successful and productive lives.

Oprah Winfrey. Tyler Perry. Jaycee Dugard. Teri Hatcher. Elizabeth Smart. This brave young woman, going by the name of Gypsy. Elisabeth Fritzl.

As one friend who was sexually molested by a neighbor beginning she was about eight, continuing for about a year, discussed with me, when somebody is in a car accident and it's reported in the news, usually there's also an accounting of the victim's condition. "So-and-so is in serious but stable condition at This-and-That Hospital. She is expected to make a full recovery." There's an implied social expectation that most people, even if severely injured, will recover from physical injuries.

Absolutely, psychological wounds can be deeper and harder to predict. Recovery can take a very long time - and there can be relapses, and dark times when the most "recovered" person struggles to get through the day, week, or even year. Sadly, some who experienced childhood sexual abuse do become depressed, and even commit suicide, but that isn't the way the story has to end.

We all have the power to write a happy ending to our story. No matter how horrific the experience, no matter how terrible our internal demons may be, we still have the strength to defeat them. If we believe recovery is unlikely/impossible - it will be. Part of why people learn to believe that is because of lies told by our abusers - that we deserved it, that's we're unworthy, that no one will want/respect us if people know what they did to us. And part of it is because society sometimes reinforces those lies, by making sexual abuse something that nice people don't talk/think about. By engaging in language that is victim-blaming, rather than empowering.

Which is where everyone can help.

If you are not living in a cave, but have friends and family, you know people who were sexually abused as children. Even if you don't know you know them, because they have never talked about it to you.

Create a safe space for children and adults by:

If I didn't know (now) this was Ted Bundy, serial rapist
and murderer, I would think he was hot.

Dropping the "rapists/child molesters are creepy-looking, easy to spot" mythos. Actually, they look just like everybody else. The press often feeds into this by posting the scariest-looking, most unflattering photos of those arrested or accused of sexual assault they can find. The unspoken message that is delivered to victims when people talk about how gruesome a rapist looks is, "You should have recognized that s/he was a pervert, and stayed away."
Teaching children they have autonomy over their own bodies. No tickling (unless they ask to be tickled, some kids do love it), no having to kiss Aunt Gertrude or sit in Santa's lap if they don't want to.
Educating yourself about sexual assault and rape. While it's good to educate children about "Stranger Danger," most child molesters are not random strangers, but a family member, family friend, teacher, coach, or neighbor, who has groomed the child by befriending him/her and building trust for a long time. Be aware of signs that a child seems uncomfortable around an adult, especially if this is someone who's been a best-buddy until recently. No matter who in the family it may be, do not dismiss the idea of sexual assault being possible, because your sister/husband/cousin would never do such a thing.
Teaching children proper terminology for body parts. Penises, vaginas, vulvas, nipples. Do your best not to impart shame to children about the way genital stimulation feels good, if they remark upon it during normal bathing processes. Or at other times. "Yes, Billy, it does feel good when you touch your penis, but it's not polite to do it when we're watching movies together as a family. If you want to share the popcorn, you need to go wash your hands now."
Being approachable. If a child begins to speak to you and tells you, "I don't like when we go to Uncle Jack's house," don't either shut them down and tell them they're silly, or launch into a white-light interrogation. Tease out, if you can, why the child doesn't like Uncle Jack's house. Maybe it's because Uncle Jack always yells when they change the TV channel, or they don't like Uncle Jack's grouchy parrot, or maybe it's something more serious. If there is something troubling going on, a child may or may not tell you right away.
Talking with other adults; admit how frightening you find the subject. Talk about your own experiences, being mindful about creating a conversational place where a victim would feel safe to share. Be conscious of whether what you have to share is in any way victim-blaming, "Why didn't those kids say something?" or "How could the parents not know?"
Avoiding the chest-thumping, self-aggrandizing statements, "I would have charged in there and kicked some a$$." Unless you have already behaved so in a similar situation, you don't know that. And even if that's true - so what? You didn't save those kids in that situation, but you want people to give you a medal or pat you on the back for being a potential hero? How does such a statement serve anything but your ego?

If a child confides a sexual assault to you:

Believe him/her.
Ensure the child's immediate safety. Better to "embarrass" a friend or family member over a false alarm than endanger a child.
Contact the authorities.
Give the child verbal, and if desired by the child, physical reassurance via hugs, etc., that s/he did nothing wrong. That s/he is brave and wonderful in your eyes.
Tell him/her that you are so glad and proud s/he told you, not "Why didn't you tell me before?"
Save your fury and wild grief and other extreme emotions for a time when you can safely vent, away from the child. S/he may have hesitated to tell you, because s/he feared you would react dramatically.

What other tips do you have about making it safe for a child, or an adult victim of rape or childhood sexual assault, to speak out? Are there any myths you'd like to see busted? Do you have a story you feel safe to share?

Related articles

Got Racism? Discrimination? MLK BlogFest on these Issues

2012-01-16T00:01:00.000-08:00

Taking about racism and discrimination; hell, even thinking about it, is not comfortable. Yet whether we think or talk about it, or avoid the subject, it's still the big elephant in the living room.

It may not be "nice," or "polite," or easy to talk about these things. But when we avoid discussion of them... they don't magically go away.

People didn't stop acting mean or stupid, just because we pretended the elephant wasn't there. Simply because now we don't say "the N word" in polite company doesn't mean the future is brighter for the average Black kid born into poverty.

As mentioned in my original post, discrimination isn't simply a Black-or-White issue. The bloggers below, and YOU, if you care to join in, are invited to discuss discrimination in all shapes, sizes and colors, from sexism to racism to prejudice against the differently-abled. What have your experiences been? How have you experienced discrimination? What are your thoughts and feelings on this subject?

MLK Memorial via Wikimedia Commons

We are all on this planet together, more of us every day. Perhaps we should figure out how to get along with each other a little better. IMO, that starts with listening to one another.

Please copy and paste the link to your specific blog post, not just your blog.

Looking forward to a thoughtful and civil discourse on the subject from all kinds of voices.
Thank you for participating.

I Don't Know What To Call You People MLK Day Blogfest

2012-01-15T23:58:00.000-08:00

Katherine & Harvey. They dressed like this a lot
- coordinating colors, mirrored. My (un)favorite was
the yellow top with olive green slacks for Green Bay
- and vice versa. Not sure whether they thought it was cute,
or it was their way of saying F-you to the haters.

Yeah, I know. Just somebody saying "you people" is offensive. But I still have a language problem, and I'd like to get that issue out of the way, first.

As she related in a phone conversation, my stepmother Katherine was born a Negro in 1922. (She was also sometimes labeled a mulatto, as her father was white.) Later, she became a colored person, and in the 1960's, she was black and beautiful. (The ignorant and bigoted, of course, would use the N-word in the most degrading tone possible.) "Now I'm supposed to call myself African-American," she said to me and my sister, somewhat plaintively. "I wish they'd make up their minds."

For a long-time, I've been using the term African-American, but lately I've noticed in blogs I follow by POC/People of Color, the term Black (capitalized) seems to be the most popular term. What to say/write? I've heard, for example, that some people who used to be called (physically) handicapped prefer the term handi-capable, and others find that appallingly cutesy and they prefer disabled. Others like differently-abled.

Those periodically or permanently disabled by mental illness would prefer we don't call them crazies, wackos, or nutjobs.

Hispanic or Latino? I think right now, Latino is the preferred designation. (Yes? No? Both?)

White Hispanic & Latino-Americans Image via Wikipedia

I'm not asking you to break out the hankies for me. I'm certain that all people who've experienced discrimination and oppression worldwide would be thrilled if their biggest dilemma was one of vocabulary, akin to choosing the proper salad fork.

I am asking you to grant me (and other poor, dumb, well-meaning people) the benefit of the doubt if occasionally I use a term which was the Politically Correct term to use, 10 years ago. Or even last week. By all means, bring me up to speed, but please understand I'm not deliberately trying to hurt others.

In fact, that is kind of the break I am asking you to give me, in all matters regarding racism and discrimination.

I "get" it. I have not lived in your skin. I have not been in a car while my boyfriend got his third DWB (Driving While Black) traffic stop in a week. I have not been followed around by a store owner with a hairy eyeball who assumed I was a thief based on my ethnicity. I have not been denied jobs, housing, or educational opportunities based on the color of my skin, my accent, my sexual orientation, or my physical inability to walk up a flight of steps. I can only imagine how hurtful and soul-scarring such treatment must be. I know that simply being born with white(r) skin, in America, has given me many privileges I'm aware of, and countless others I'm not.

On the other hand... I was born female. From the day I was born, I've been deemed "lesser" by some. I remember being passed over in school when I had my hand raised, and having teachers who actually said, when I led the class in an independent science study program, "You boys aren't going to let a girl beat you, are you?" I've been paid less than a man for doing the same work. I've been molested, raped, and beaten.

I've lived in a multi-racial household at a time when hardly anyone did, and gotten into fistfights over it. I've been the only white girl in a Black neighborhood, on the receiving end of a lot of hairy eyeballs, hoots and hollers. I've been mocked for not knowing how to plait hair or dance. At times when I've dated Black, I've gotten plenty of ugly comments, not just from whites, but from Black girls and women who deeply resent "some white bitch stealing our men."

So when somebody says to me, "You don't know what it's like to be treated as if you're a lesser being, or to be hated just for the color of your skin," I tend to bristle a little.

I think as human beings, we all have pain. Don't assume, because you see a happy smiling Caucasian face on my About Me page, or even in person, that I'm some airhead who thinks her shit don't stink and is oblivious to the pain and suffering of others. I don't know your pain, you're absolutely right, but I'm willing to listen. Explain it to me. Don't blow me off with "Somebody like you wouldn't understand." I might just understand some parts better than you think.

I "get" that you are probably real tired of having to explain the same shit, over and over again. But I would like us to be allies, not enemies. That means, I'm sorry to say, if you want me (and people like me) to care, you have to continue to educate me. I'm not going to be your enemy, regardless of how rude you might be to me, but if you continually insult me, I'm not going to make your cause a priority, either.

If I want someone to cease sexist behavior, I have to educate him as to what he's doing that is sexist, and why it's hurtful to me. Throwing up my hands and saying, "You're an asshole and you just don't get it," might be momentarily satisfying, but it doesn't accomplish the larger goal of achieving a change in attitude.

I do deeply want to get closer to a place where all human beings are indeed, valued for the content of their characters. I think it sucks that economic class and certain externals grant privilege to some and create disadvantages for others.

I ask myself all the time if I am being racist - and sometimes I get lost. For example, all Asian people do not look the same to me. My "adopted" Korean-Chinese son introduced a new girlfriend once, and wanted me to guess her ethnicity. I got it right - Chinese, and he was so proud of me. Generally I don't mix up Koreans, Vietnamese, and Japanese people. I see beautiful differences in the faces, hear it in the language (even if I can't understand it.) When I went to a co-worker's (mostly) Filipino wedding, I enjoyed the diversity in the different faces - some look Korean, some Latino, some Native American, and some could "pass" for Caucasian. Much like the United States, there isn't one Filipino "look."

Is it bad of me that I tend to look at people as individuals? That I think our differences are what make us beautiful and interesting?

While not every Black person has a "Black" voice, many have a distinct, warm, richness to their voices that simply isn't duplicated in Caucasian or Hispanic or Asian voices, no matter how vocally talented they may be. James Earl Jones, Maya Angelou and Barack Obama; Aretha Franklin, Ray Charles and Ludicris are just a few who come to mind. Is it racist of me to notice and appreciate this gift?

I want to respect those people who strong identify with a group, whether that identity is by birth, such as being Native American or deaf, or by choice, such as being a member of the Sierra Club. (None of which may be apparent at first glance.) Yet I don't want to treat people as if they are only a member of said group, either. And I tend to push back when one person claims to express the way "people who are XX think," without support to back up that statement.

Among Dr. Cornell West, Herman Cain, and 50 Cent, which gentleman represents "the way real Black men think"? All? None? The racial and cultural experience of Tennessee-born Henry Cho, above, is very different from that of his own father. Marc Rubio, politician, Floridian son of Cuban emigrés, has a life-story vastly unlike that of my Los Angeles-born co-worker of Mexican parents, or her undocumented alien Guatemalan husband, or that their two young children will have.

I don't think it's racist to tell someone, "I think you may represent the way some of the people in your group think or feel. I appreciate and respect your point of view. But I don't agree with it, nor am I yet convinced that the majority of people in 'your group' think that way, or 'should' think that way."

I'm also more than a little resistant to the pressure to feel some kind of cultural white guilt. My ancestors did not own slaves or displace Native Americans. Several fought in the Civil War for the Union side.

Which means... nothing. I don't feel I am entitled to either credit or blame for what my many times greats might have done. I'm sure that my ancestors, and your ancestors, and everybody's ancestors, behaved badly to somebody. There has to be some point where we stop squabbling about who first hurt who, like two little kids. "Mo-om, Cain pushed me." "Yeah, but Abel pushed me first!" "Well, Dad likes me best so there!" Remember how well that story turned out?

As far as assuming guilt for what other people did to Blacks, or Jews during the Holocaust, or the Armenian genocide, or that Helen Keller had a real rough time before Annie Sullivan came along... no, not buying it for my own personal use. The only load of guilt or shame I am willing to carry on my soul is what I have earned by my own stupid or thoughtless mistakes.

Frankly I find the idea of assigning blame/guilt to be needlessly divisive and a time-waster.

IMO, it would much more helpful to look at problem areas, all of us together, and see how they can be addressed. Have people within certain groups been disadvantaged to due to generations of prejudice and discrimination? Absolutely. Are some people still disadvantaged? Absolutely. How do we fix that?

I don't see racism and discrimination as something only whites do or that only Blacks suffer from. As I posted originally, a lot of people, including women, the differently-abled (crossing my fingers that's okay to say), Latinos, Asian-Americans, LGBT and countless other people who are "different" suffer from being judged by what they look like on the surface. By those outside their groups, and sometimes, by those inside it.

Children living in poverty - that's a big problem, one about which Dr. King was deeply concerned. How do we get them out? How do we reduce the numbers of children from being born into poverty?

I'm volunteering now, in my spare time, in a newly formed organization aimed at bringing reading and storytelling experiences to the youngest children in facilities generally overlooked, like homeless and battered women's shelters, and leaving each child with his/her own book. If we can introduce a love of story and an interest in reading from a very young age, it won't solve the problem, but perhaps it'll chip away at it a little bit. (You can Like it on FaceBook here; website is in the process of being designed.)

Rape, sexual assault, class warfare... all the ways in which people with power take unfair advantage of those who have less, these are issues about which we could all work together.

I think this would be the greatest tribute we could do for Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and all those who have worked to advance civil rights and against poverty and oppression.

Want to join this blogfest? Post your link HERE.

Your thoughts?

Dear Sir/Madam Political Correctness, I've Got A Small Bone to Pick Guest Post by TotsyMae

2012-01-11T05:00:00.000-08:00

Original Art by TotsyMae

Let's address this thing right here and now. I don't know if men folk are born to be tossing pom poms in the air or not. Neither do I know if women folk are born to be running a 50-yard dash, wearing a helmet and trying to score a touchdown. I think I know plenty but that one, I can't give a succinct answer to save my little life. I'm no scientist, biblical theologian or God, so like some of you folk out there, I've stopped scratching my head on the matter 'cause folk are coming out the closet like roaches with the Orkin man behind them, ain't they? I ain't trying to be funny or nothing but we need to put the truth out there the way it is and stop pussy-footing around the bush about it.

And maybe what I just said about the pom poms and touchdowns was insensitive or politically incorrect. I don't know. There are so very many correct ways of being politically incorrect, I suppose I'd best watch out before I get slapped with the homophobic badge.

Actually, I've become quite confused by what's politically correct or incorrect. I'm telling you, I'm watching my back now as I write this here article 'cause I may get billy clubbed by the Political Correctness Cop, which, by the way, is one for every ethnic group and movement America has ever birthed. There's the Disability Cop, African American Cop, Gay/Lesbian Cop, Feminist Cop, Immigrant Cop, and should I even say this? The Overweight Cop? You get my drift, right?

Though, am I wrong for saying Overweight Cop or is there a more appropriate title? I dare not say obese 'cause that sounds bigger than overweight. It would be cruel even though obese is still a word that represents folk who, well, have more than their fair share at the dinner table. And just so you'll feel better about my less sensitive frame of reference, I have tilted the scale a time or two myself. It's a bitch I know about which, I think, qualifies my use of the term.

In thinking about all of what may be politically correct or incorrect, I can't help being reminded on just how intrusive that is on my 1st Amendment rights. Am I wrong in believing there's something kinda messed up in revamping Mark Twain's classic, Huckleberry Finn? I suppose the folk on the Board of Political Correctness feels like in this "We Are the World" setting, the N word was just a bit much for the digital learners who are, well, not exactly reading Mark Twain, but dammit, his extravagant and over-usage of the word was too hard on the ear. So, there. Rewrite a classic and it'll discourage other folk from thinking it's okay.

And how pliant of some African Americans, in their creative and rich culture of language and euphemisms, to redefine the N word to mean love toward their fellow African American sister, brother, mother, grandfather, child...well, I know you get my drift. However, for those who don't understand the code of who should or should not say it, well, just do and you'll discover how politically incorrect you are. All that silly talk about using it to take its power away is one of the worst lies black folk ever told themselves 'cause soon as a nonblack folk raise up to say it, there's the power. Dare I spell the (ahem) N word, at the risk of the African American Cop shutting my computer down from the Cyber Office of African American Dos and You Better Hell Nots?

Signed,

Confounded Heterosexual African American Female Who Has an Affinity to Incessant Blabbing Off at Any Given Hour and Trying to Figure Out Where the Hell the Exit Door is Before She Ends Up Walking within Endangered Territories of All the Folk She Just Wrote About in this Here Blog Post 'Cause the Only Weapons She Carries Are the Words Laced on Her Tongue.

Excuse me Officer, but I was just hit by a tornado, or bus, name of TotsyMae. My fellow SheWriter and blogger has this to say about her amazing self:

I'm a writer, reader, visual artist, graphic designer, somebody’s momma and other stuff that’s good and not so good. I’m frank but shy, sensitive, and have the dry humor of a cynic but I’m positive, empathetic, judgmental, oppositional just because and working on all of the above. I’m a southern girl who’s adaptable, welcoming, stand-offish and curious.

Please join me in giving some love to Totsy for saying things most of us have thought from time to time, but were too afraid of the PC police to say out out.

And please consider joining me and lots of other writers, here, with a blogfest on MLK Day (Jan 16) on the subject of discrimination, racism, sexism, and other ways that people mistreat one another, because they have the power to do so. Follow the link FMI and for ideas on where to start, if you're not already chock full of good ones.

Winter Reads - Steamy, Funny, and Hated It TBR Challenge

2012-01-09T05:00:00.000-08:00

This is only a semi-NY resolution, not the full "thang," but I am whittling down my To Be Read List.

I also impulse-bought a couple other books, won some others (free always fits my budget), so I have a mixed bag to report upon.

The holiday goodies:

It Happened One Christmas - Kaitlin O'Riley - full length novel one hero and heroine. My review:

Sweet and tasty holiday treat. I loved the heroine, Lisette, and thought the author did a very skillful job of showcasing five sisters, alike yet different, not an easy job. It also really reminded me how delicious and hot it can be JUST to be kissed, thoroughly and well. (Though there is full consummation at the end.)

The subplot with Tom the street urchin felt a little distracting and repetitive in spots. Although I didn't know how, I knew he would be rescued in the end, so it was hard to feel fully vested in his peril. I very much liked how the romantic rivals for Lisette and Quinton were in and of themselves likeable characters, making that conflict much more intense.

Read it, you'll enjoy it!

**

Once Upon a Winter's Eve - Tessa Dare. I won this novella through posting a comment on The Dashing Duchesses. As noted, free always accommodates my budget nicely, I haven't read a Regency setting novel in ages, and I've wanted to sample Tessa's work for a long time. My review:

I didn't know what to expect. A little too busy re: number of characters, and I thought Violet was a bit too forgiving. Also - Violet Winterbottom? Really? It just sounds like a joke. The hero (whose name escapes me, but he's got 2-3, so it's not really my fault) recovers from his injuries and is ready to party, so to speak, a little earlier than is realistic, IMO.

However, the chemistry between the too characters is fun, the lovemaking is nice and juicy, and it ends with a Happily for Now. For a novella, that's pretty good, and I would certainly read other works by this author.

**

I'll Be Home for Christmas - Linda Lael Miller, Catherine Mulvany, Julie Leto, Roxanne St. Claire

This one was fun. Four stories of about 100 pages each. There was a bittersweet poignancy to Linda Lael Miller's Christmas of the Red Chiefs. The one jarring note in that story was the idea that a woman who hasn't sung at all in years could deliver a flawless soprano solo for a local TV crew on the spur of the moment. Uh, no, I'm not a singer and even I know that's not possible. But I liked the character and her love interest was perfect.

Catherine Mulvany's tale, Once Upon a Christmas, was beautifully layered, with that magical/mystical quality that makes a holiday tale that much more special. Loved loved loved the hero and heroine.

Meltdown by Julie Leto, brought some Latina flava to the collection, as well as a magical/paranormal element, though one rarely (ever?) sees Santa Claus and Mayans on the same page. Loved the story, and the tension between the hero and heroine made their consummation even hotter.

The heroine of Roxanne St. Claire's You Can Count on Me kicks ass, and not just in the figurative sense. It's tricky weaving a child into the plot without reducing heat, but she does a fine job. I want to go for a limo drive with a hot Russian former double-agent and some really fine vodka!

Great little book, I highly recommend I'll Be Home for Christmas to anyone looking for some spicy holiday romance.

**

The Perfect Christmas - Debbie Macomber

Macomber's been on my TBR list for a long time, and when I saw this, I picked it up, figuring, holidays, famous and prolific author, what could go wrong?

The heroine is too needy, and too conveniently dumb in some places and smart in others. The hero is the classic Mr. Unavailable. Apparently Ms. Macomber is not a fan of Baggage Reclaim, which is all about how women (and men) shouldn't chase after somebody who keeps pushing them away. The B storyline, a romance between the heroine's brother and her best friend - too obvious to everyone except the heroine.

There's a funny scene where the heroine is wearing an elf-costume and being dropped to her "gig" as Santa's helper, when her too-tight tights roll down, and the kids comment on seeing the elf's underpants. But, come on, all the other costume parts fit, but not the tights, and our fairly confident heroine doesn't ask the woman who's outfitting her for another pair, that actually do fit?

Channeling Men on Film, hated it. (and I know, one is never, ever supposed to diss another author - but I don't think I am going to destroy Debbie's career with one honest review. Besides...)

1105 Yakima Street - Debbie Macomber (A Cedar Cove Novel)
When I picked this up, from whence it had been languishing in my TBR file, I was scared I'd hate this one, too, but I thought it was a great book. A little hard in the beginning, to sort out who all the people were, but the love stories were believable, the characters and their problems were realistic and not too easily solved. (Except for the one, Leonard, who's never admitted he was wrong in 30 years of marriage, one family intervention and he's ready to be more open? Not gonna happen - or if it does magically happen, not gonna last. Macomber needs to do her research on OCPD and find out what true misery it causes those who live with Mr. or Ms. "Always Right.")

I really enjoyed the fact that Rachel and Bruce, with whom the story opens, don't magically solve their problems. They have problems at the beginning of the book, and are still struggling, if making progress, at the end. I felt the love in each storyline, and liked how sometimes love was enough to bring people together, but that it wasn't a magic wand.

I also read (hey, I was in bed with a bad head cold for all of NY weekend):

Jean Auel's The Land of Painted Caves because once I start something, I like to finish it, and I'd read all the others, really enjoyed most of them. Sadly, there really isn't a good story here. Not much conflict, until the very end of the book (825+ pages, mind you) and a lot a lot a lot of repetition. (Did I mention there was a lot of repetition?) Detailed description of the various interiors of painted caves, which is about as fascinating as watching the slides of your neighbor's European vacation - except, oops, the slide projector is broken, so he's going to tell you about each slide. And in this cave, the mammoths are facing each other - but in that one, they're facing the same direction.... For 15-20 locations. Nobody actually seems to want anything, but simply behave as Barbie dolls, being dressed and moved around. It was very disappointing.

Dee J. Adams' Dangerous Race. I tiptoed up on this book with mixed feelings. I've met Dee J. Adams through my local RWA chapter, and a sweeter, bubblier, more supportive writer doesn't exist. So I wanted to like her debut novel. Personal baggage - my crazypants ex loved his NASCAR, and if I never hear or see another checkered flag... It was challenging for me to even read a book with an auto-racing theme.

At the photo-finish, I would give this 4.5 out of five stars. Despite my ~~loathing~~ slight distaste for the world of auto-racing, Dangerous Race wrapped me up in it. She made me smell the ethanol and like it. I believed in the lead character, Trace, and her bumpy romance with her new crew chief. The only quibble I had was I thought the villain was too obvious, and there should have been more politicking behind the scenes re: said villain's personal goals. A pit crew is big - we should have seen more of the others being manipulated and taking sides, perhaps being used as unwitting stooges. However, the romance(s) and sex scenes were deliciously steamy, and the "feel" was right. Buy it, read it, you'll love it!

So, where am I on my personal TBR Challenge?:

It Happened One Christmas - Kaitlin O'Riley
The Birthday of the World - Ursula LeGuin
Messalina: Devourer of Men - Zetta Brown
Uncut Diamonds - Karen Jones Gowan
On Writing - Stephen King
Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
Daisy Miller - Henry James
Bet Me - Jennifer Crusie
Hot, Flat and Crowded - Thomas Friedman
Pleasure's Edge - Eve Berlin
Her Fearful Symmetry - Audrey Niffeneger
Falling Leaves - Adeline Yen Mah
Picture Perfect - Jodi Picoult
Giving Up the Dream - J.L. Campbell
Watching Willow Watts - Talli Roland
Shifters' Storm - Vonna Harper
Automagically - Sommer Marsden
You Can Heal Your Life - Louise Hay
The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins
Little Black Dress - Susan McBride
Tourist Trap - Sue Ann Bowling
1105 Yakima Street - Debbie Macomber
Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
Confessions of an Improper Bride - Jennifer Haymore

The details and sign-up are at Vicky's blog, Books Biscuits and Tea.

Are there any books you're moved off your TBR pile so far this year?

Coming this Wednesday -

Guest Blogger TotsyMae has a bone or two to pick with Political Correctness.

Coming here this Monday - BlogFest on Martin Luther King Jr. Day about racism, sexism, and discrimination. Please join in!

#TomJones, Panty-Throwing, and Wild Dreams

2012-01-04T05:00:00.000-08:00

photo via librarising.com

Am I the only one who has weird, almost psychedelic dreams when coming down with a cold?

So the other morning, I'm in that twilight sleep stage, no longer asleep, not fully awake, and my sickly brain is obsessing over Welsh singing legend Tom Jones. Specifically, Tom Jones and the stories of women in the audience throwing their panties at him as he performs. My mind is full of questions...

Is it something that truly happens, or is it urban legend and PR? Why Tom Jones - and not, say, 50 Cent or Aerosmyth? Do women actually remove the underwear they are currently wearing and throw them at him, or do they bring clean ones from home (perhaps in a smaller size and sexier style)? What's the protocol when women from behind you are throwing their panties and they don't make the stage, perhaps land in your lap, or even your hair? [eeewwwh] Are you supposed to throw them forward, like batting a beach ball in the stands of a baseball game?

What happens to the panties after the show - is there a hazmat stage crew that gathers them up with latex gloves? Do they get washed and donated to charity, or just trashed? All these thoughts and more, churned in my sick brain, until I could crawl out of bed and do some research.

Luckily, the Interwebs are full of answers:

From NNDB.com

During a 1968 engagement at the Copacabana Club in New York, the air conditioning was not working well and Jones, as always giving every song everything he had, was drenched in his own perspiration. Between numbers, several women in the audience offered him their cocktail napkins to wipe his face. But one woman lifted her dress, removed her underwear, and handed that to Jones on stage. He says he was flabbergasted, but he wiped his face with it, and handed the woman her underwear back. A gossip columnist was present, and after the incident was mentioned in the next day's newspaper, throwing panties onto the stage became the thing to do at Jones's concerts.

from tomjones

So, that's how it got started, and became his "thing," although at this point, he's pretty much done with it. (I can see how it would become a tiresome distraction at this point.) In some venues, security will now prevent would-be panty-flingers from approaching the stage near enough to launch lace. Or the other ~~bitches~~ women in the pit do.

Few women actually wear and remove their underwear anymore. (Lazy sluts!) A handful of men are chucking their boxers these days. In some venues, it seems that the women themselves approach the stage after the shows to collect their knickers, ideally after The Voice has deigned to touch them or mop his brow with them.

A few things struck me, as I was satisfying my brain fogged curiosity.

First - the guy really does have an amazing voice. Many men don't still have a powerful voice as they age - he does. He sings a variety of material in all kinds of different styles and does it well. Yes, there are back-up singers and so forth, but that voice isn't overdubbed or "helped," it's all him.

TJ looks damn good for an old man. Now, rumor has it this is not all good genes and healthy living, but he's had plenty of "work done." Still.

Incredible stage presence. When Tom Jones takes the stage, he takes the stage. I could see myself giving him the panties I was wearing, or Any Thing Else He Wanted, whether we're talking young Tom or old Tom. I watched lots of clips, read lots of reviews, and nobody said in any review that he was ever "phoning it in." For a guy who's done as many shows as he has, that says a lot. Everybody who's seen a Tom Jones show ended up a fan, whether they started out one or not.

Plus I loved the way he poked fun at himself with his cameo in Mars Attacks! Or the way in some shows he'll joke that a piece of thong underwear is an eyepatch.

&lt;p&gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&lt;/p&gt;

Now... how can I work this into a novel somewhere? I'd love to catch a Tom Jones show and write it off as a business expense!

Do you have weird wild dreams when you're under the weather, too? Are you a TJ fan, past or present? Got a panty-tossing experience you care to share?

Happy Blogoversary to Me What I've Learned In A Year of Blogging

2011-12-28T05:00:00.000-08:00

Why would anyone want to listen to me? Because - who better to give someone advice about avoiding stepping in poop than somebody who's stepped in a whole bunch of it?

I have learned...

* there is no one GREAT commenting system to rule them all. Blogger's built-in system sucks rocks for all non-Google peeps. The Wordpress feature where you naively "subscribe to replies" because you want to see what other people say about your comment, and get ten bazillion e-mails that are the replies to all comments ain't any improvement, IMO. So far, I'm liking mine (Intense Debate) and Disqus best. They all have drawbacks and technical challenges, and we all have to make adjustments.

* There isn't enough time to work a day job, write & pretty-up my own blog posts, work on my novel, read all the cool blogs out there, and still have time to wipe myself after I... step in cow poop. Just isn't. Sacrifices must be made.

* The blog police won't come and get me if I skip a post or several. Nor if I "settle" for less than the perfect picture. (However, photos of hot, shirtless firefighters are always appropriate, regardless of blog subject matter. They just are.)

* I enjoy blogging more than I ever thought I would.

* Blogging helps prime the pump, sometimes, when I am stuck on my "real" writing. It can also be an enticing distraction, like cheating on a spouse... I know I should be working on the novel, but I'm just gonna read a couple more blog posts...

* Readers like funny posts better than Serious Ones. No problem, I'll just be funny all the time, right? Easy-peasy. If only...

* My personal jury is still out on the usefulness of Zemanta for me.

* Not all poetry on the Interwebs is laughably bad. Some is truly amazing, and I mean, that without any double meanings. Still, best not to read internet poetry on your lunch hour if you have a tendency to choke or spew liquids.

* The posts where I worried I'd get the most hate mail/comments, have been generally very supportive. It's a (very small) handful of other ones where some people went... strange on me.

* Blogging Groups - where everyone posts on a weekly theme, then tries to visit and comment on everybody in the group - can be very helpful. They can also feel very overwhelming. I learned not to beat myself up for joining several such groups, and later dropping out.

* I've learned not to be a genre snob. Some of the best writing advice and kindest support has come from peeps who don't write in "my" genre (smutty rom-com).

* Comparisons are invidious and insidious and icky. I'll look at my Follower count and compare to somebody else who started blogging around the same time I did, and get all smug and full of myself. Then I'll see the astronomical Follower count of someone else who also started the same time I did, and feel like the last girl picked for the volleyball team (and dammit, I'm a good volleyball player).

It's much easier said than done, but I'm trying to get past the whole angst of competition for Google Followers. There are many variables that influence a Follower count - contests, family followers, and yep, sometimes people just like that other blog better. All I can do is the best I can do, in the time I can make available to do it, and trust that over time, this blog will "settle" at the right size. Truly, it's not my goal to have the biggest number of blog followers anyway, it's to have the biggest number of readers buying my (not yet published) book.

Here's some of my actual F2F (Face 2 Face) fellow blogger meets. They are all incredibly nice and write interesting and funny blogs and you should Follow or at least check 'em out because they are awesome (and they didn't even pay me to write that):

Carolyn West of This Talk Ain't Cheap
Sidney Patrick of My Mother in Law is Still Sitting Between Us...
Arlee Bird of Tossing It Out who also runs the A-Z Challenge
Brenda Moguez of GrrlGuide

Oodles of Writing-related Goodness Found Here:

Author Roni Loren's Fiction Groupie
Agent Rachelle Gardner
Agent Janet Reid
Agent turned Author Nathan Bransford
Agent Janice Hardy's The Other Side of the Story
Author Jody Hedlund
Mooderino's Funnily Enough
Missed Periods and Other Grammar Scares
Nina Badzin's A Mom in the Middle

Prompts & Groups I like, that you might like:

Liz Shaw's The Writing Reader
The Word Nerd Speaks aka Beth Grace, on FaceBook as GBE2
Romantic Friday Writers
Karen Wojcik Berner's Bibliophilic Blather. She regularly offers a "home" to short stories, so if you're a flash fiction afficionado (trying saying that three times really fast!) stop by for some reading - or submitting pleasure.
Blogging from A to Z April Challenge
SheWrites
SoCalLadyBloggers - blog + FaceBook Group
Writer Unboxed - both a great blog by multiple contributors, and a FaceBook group.

These blogs I read because they make me laugh, cry, or both - in the best way:

Ruth Madison
Kiru Taye
J.L. Campbell's Snippets and Splashes
Amber West's A Day Without Sushi
Stacy Green
Deanna Fry's My One Woman Show
Kelly Hashway
Annie Boreson
TotsyMae Who'll be guesting here on Jan 11, woo-hoo!
Bella's One Sister's Rant
Such a Nice Guy, Phil Torcivea -
Single Dad Laughing
Cake Wrecks
The Bloggess

These blogs feed the Spirit and the Soul (yes, writers do so have a soul!):

Jodi Aman's Heal Now and Forever
Lori Deschene's Tiny Buddha - Simple Wisdom for Complex Lives
Brene Brown's Ordinary Courage
Louise Gallagher's Recover Your Joy
Kristen's The Spirit That Moves Me
Band Back Together

I do have, oh, a couple hundred more favorite blogs (probably yours. I'm sorry I was too tired and lamebrained to include it, above, but will plug it, soon.)

I can't wait to find what another year or two of bloggy learning and friends will bring.

This will be my last post of 2011 - so tell me, in the comments below, how long have YOU been blogging? If more than a year, what surprised you in Year Two as compared to Year One? How about Year Three? Beyond that...?

*Beverly Diehl's Writing in Flow*

My Brand Is Not The Dollar Bill

Egypt to Nigeria to New York to Pleasure's Edge: The Hot Flat & Crowded World of my March TBR List

Related articles

Dinosaur Erotica, Anyone? Funniest Search Phrases

Syndicate & Validate Me, Baby Adding Networked Blogs to your FaceBook Fan Page

Related articles

She Said Contraceptives; He Said Slut

Related articles

What Not To Do (As A Writer in a Feedback Group)

Who Could Live Without the Super-Soaker? Or Potato Chips?

Related articles

Write Here, Write Now - #ManCandy Monday

Hungry, Miserable & Watching Whittling Down my TBR List

Related articles

Men in Uniform - Who Could Ask for Anything More? #MancandyMonday

Captain Condom: Cover Me, I'm Goin' In!

Related articles

Dammit, Whitney!

In FantasyLand, I'm a World Champion Figure Skater

Doctor, I Have A Fever! #MancandyMonday

SG Komen - Go Pee Up A Rope!

I'm So Talented... In Theory

Why I Love My FaceBook Fan Page And a Little #Mancandy

Time? What's That? Who's Got Any Extra Time? #GBE2

THRIVING After Childhood Sexual Abuse One Size Doesn't Fit All

Got Racism? Discrimination? MLK BlogFest on these Issues

Related articles

I Don't Know What To Call You People MLK Day Blogfest

Related articles

Dear Sir/Madam Political Correctness, I've Got A Small Bone to Pick Guest Post by TotsyMae

Winter Reads - Steamy, Funny, and Hated It TBR Challenge

#TomJones, Panty-Throwing, and Wild Dreams

Happy Blogoversary to Me What I've Learned In A Year of Blogging

Beverly Diehl's Writing in Flow