Writing Since Free

Life got settled!! Rubbish!

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Sat, 08 May 2010 11:17:00 +0000

“Finally a personal post in Writing Since Free”

Ever since I was born, few years since the so called donkey years, I have come across this statement, “You should get settled in life”. More interesting extensions of the same statement “Get settled in life to get married”, “Study well to get settled in life”, “Your life is settled if you get a job with eM eN Cee”.

So. What exactly does the word “settled” means? From the best of my knowledge, it means a steady income unaffected by the air bombs of the Taliban or the landmines of the Goldman sachs.

In my community, it also means an Engineering degree, few months of job hunting with one pair of shoes and two pairs of socks, finally an entry level coding job and steadily a home or home loan with the help of two onsite assignments and finally a chance to fight for the best girl in town. Hmm..I am the black donkey who has not followed any of these in the right spirit. I was satisfied with a B.Sc, got into a banking job without wasting a pair of shoes in search of IT jobs. I didn’t apply for a home loan rather went for an educational loan to do an MBA. I had identified the bride years before and didn’t compete in the market. Finally, I quit the plum little HR job to start something from scratch. So.. I am not yet settled in life!

I’m sorry, I don’t intend to settle soon. My dictionary says, Humans settle in the grave and not before that. Let me remain unsettled……

Taaliyaan…Claaps..please…

The cheese factory "CREATIVES THAT WORK" is up and running

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Thu, 06 May 2010 15:12:00 +0000

Hmm..Life has become on omlette these days. No more cushy corporate shell to protect me. I am out in the open with loads of fire behind the engine!

The news goes like this. The venture which I have co-created with one of my close pal in now up and running! We have named it “CREATIVES THAT WORKS”. Lot of people asked as to why this name. Leaving aside the logical answer, the answer from the heart might be, I have no control over my name, atleast let me take control of my venture’s name.

So..now “CREATIVES THAT WORK” has got a website http://www.creativesthatwork.com/

It is also tweeting at https://twitter.com/creativeswow

So..What do we do?? We help companies sell more of their products and services by giving their brands a boost or Horlicks and if required a mug of beer. We are a brand consultancy focused on the design phase of branding.

We specialize in integrating strategy and creativity to provide powerful designs. Our services can be categorized as corporate identity, collaterals, website & user interfaces. We design for web, print and the electronic media.

We are against the myth that creative people are right brainers. We believe that everyone should be ‘whole brainers’ and not just ‘left’ or ‘right’ brainers. Our ‘whole brain’ thinking powers our CREATIVES THAT WORK.
Okies..enough of promotion. Wish us good luck and criticize us. We need loads of pat on the back and hit on the head to shape ourselves.

Don’t forget to follow us on twitter https://twitter.com/creativeswow, we propose to keep you all updated for free :-)

I am opening my cheese factory

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 18:09:00 +0000

Here is the news! I have quit HCL and moving out in couple of days. I quit for reasons which are not really serious, but a simple need for change. I am moving out of my cushy little job to start something on my own.

Those who are unhappy with my movement should not blame me, please blame this guy..Spencer Johnson. If I have not read his book years ago, I wouldn’t have probably chased my cheese ever. The cheese in my current room is not really filling my stomach; leave aside the possibilities of saving some cheese for the future. Careful research showed that my stomach is going to get bigger and bigger in the near future. Hence, I have decided to create my own cheese factory than finding cheese from different rooms of the house.

Now, building a cheese factory is not that simple. I know about hundreds of hungry rats like me who wants to start their own cheese factory. We have to compete and co-exist. The factory requires nickels to buy milk and expertise to convert the milk to cheese. Once the cheese is made, I have to find someone who likes my cheese. I have to pray to God that someone should have money to pay for my cheese..

So..this little rat is out of the corporate maze where cheese are stored in different rooms at different heights. He is in a new maze where every rat runs a cheese factory and the best cheese maker gets more cheese!

Cheese..Cheers..Bye for now!

Credit crisis - The Gold Man story

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 05:35:00 +0000

Came across this interesting presentation by pictualize.
They share my belief that a design, story or ad is all about effective communication and not about pleasing the eye. I am in love with these guys now.

Credit Crisis Pictualized

View more presentations from Vineesh Kumar.

The morning story of a casual browser

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 04:57:00 +0000

Started the day in front of the TV to watch a Reality talk show. Very interesting show. Switched on the computer to see the earlier shows in you tube. Opened gmail while waiting for youtube to load the video. A direct twitter message from an old friend directed me to Twitter. My twitter home page is generally filled with links to loads of articles. For a change, a tweet from a friend on his latest blog post created some interest. He has now started up something called Wanamo which I believe will help me save some money. Opened a tab to visit his blog. Read that and thought of commenting (gosh! have to think now). Suddenly wife madam came with a bowl, she wants to apply egg on my scalp. She doesn’t want to live with a husband and hundreds of dandruff. As the egg gets massaged, this post got created.

Sorry to Youtube and my own interest for not going through those videos.
Sorry to that friend for not replying to his direct message.
Sorry to that blogging friend for not commenting on his post.

Whom to blame now?

My monkey mind which keeps on jumping from one website to the other?
The Web 2.0 with too many interconnected websites?
My wife?

Oh no…Not any of the above. The thing to be blamed is.. my dandruff. I have to kill this internet session now..to kill my dandruffs. Bye..

PS: Originally though of posting this thought in twitter...but grew up since wife madam told/ordered that I have to allow my egg head to dry.

The Three. Point. Someone

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 14:51:00 +0000

The Munna Bhai guy, Mr.Perfectionist guy and the Hinglish best seller guy. All are greater than life in their own achievements. But… definitely this one is going to be a feather in the cap. Not as a symbol of achievement, but a feather like issue which was roughened up by all the parties.

1. Mr. Hinglish best seller felt bad because he got the right credit as signed in the agreement and not as expected or pictured in the mind.

2. Mr. Munna bhai is feeling bad because this gives negative publicity about the story (Is it?)

3. Mr. Perfectionist too is feeling bad because Mr.Hinglish best seller wants to steal the credit that should be given to the script writer (Not sure if the script writer is feeling bad or guilty)

There is one good thing about this issue. This doesn’t seem to be a story scripted and acted to gain publicity. I guess, all those involved are famous enough and doesn’t need any publicity like this. However, unknowingly this whole episode has created good publicity for them. I feel that the issue makers should be happy with the publicity gained and stop worrying about the “credit not given” or the “money given” version of the story. To make you all feel what they have gained, I am sharing my reaction which has benefited them...

I have read the book “ Five point someone”, but have not seen “ 3 idiots”. With so much hype around , I want to see the movie to check the similarity (70% as Chetan claims) or Dissimilarity (2% to 5% as the producers claim). I guess the producer, the director and the acting crew will be happy with this extra ticket going to the Theater.
I read the book 2 years back. Right now, I wouldn’t have spent anytime thinking about it. I would have forgot the name “Chetan Bhagat” also. With so much hype around, I am remembering both. Guess, Chetan is happy about being in the top of mind of one of his reader.
As I write this piece I have read at least dozen articles and blogs on this issue. Intrestingly, a TV Channel has made a 20 minute show on this issue and is freely available in Youtube. All the websites, its authors, bloggers and Youtube should be happy about the additional hits they have got. This is a social service done by the Three. See the video below to get insights.

Finally, the Munnbhai guy has clarified few things here in the below video.

The book was a super hit, the movie will be a super hit and so is the issue. I guess these guys are known for giving HITS (at each other).

Tie the Tail of the ReTailers

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 16:07:00 +0000

My last blog made me think about this whole new looting stuff called retail marketing. Some times I feel that the success of retailing is a proof to the growing greed of the men and women riding on the shopping cart. When the optimist in me calls me a fool for saying so, the humorist in me couldn’t stop laughing at the way products are sold in the market.

Some of the billboards of these retailers talk to me in an interesting way..

A 40% dressed model features in a bill board advertising a 60% discount. Generating an interest in any of these two is disastrous.

A happy family going out of the shop with a car load of plastic bags. Not sure how many families have lost their happiness after doing a similar act.

Recession sale! Now what are they selling?

Asia’s biggest mall. Does it sound like Asia’s biggest looting place?

Wanted to dig deep into the minds of the buyers & found something interesting. Thanks to this guy, I came to know about Graph jam which is helping me in presenting this..

Having said this, the wise man in me agrees to the fact that retailers has brought the seller and the buyer close, but I am worried that it is not bringing the real product and the real price close.

My non nonsensical self told me…

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 13:42:00 +0000

You can’t blame me if I call you an Idiot

Sundays are special days. It is this day of the week, which every working human wants to be the longest. The longest 24 hours that you can get in a week. It is this day on which you sit in front of an idiot box and spend time without even knowing what you have done. On all other working days you make the computer box sit in front of an idiot. It takes your time without even allowing you to know what you were doing. At the end of the day it says, “You idiot better go today and come back tomorrow” which you sincere obey.

When your office computer can be blamed to a certain extend. The real criminal is somewhere outside. He is the one who constructed the roads of this city. Those who live in Bangalore will appreciate the thought that Bangalore has a serious traffic problem which can be set right only by eliminating all vehicles. The Government has made its best. It has made man holes, damaged roads and non sense signals so that people could avoid using them. Still..our people dare to go to office everyday. In order to give a better threat, it has trained few street race bikers who could just hit you & take you to heaven (since you are already riding in hell everyday). Also, it has spread a virus which mixes with your DNA and makes you violate traffic rules wherever possible. Still…You won’t get frightened, but continue going to office in your vehicle everyday. You are an idiot who couldn’t even understand Government’s intention.

When you don’t want to risk the road, you rely on the man made three wheeled marvels which I am very fond of. They are the movers and shakers of the city. A casual discussion with the elite intellectual members of Bangalore autowalas gave me shocking revelations of how they read a person’s idiot quotient before giving him a ride. They say “Our assessment is a free gift to those who use our services”. A free analysis of their report is given below to enhance your awareness

Leaving aside these petty issues, we have an Industry flourishing. They wake up every morning & pray to the almighty “God send me as many idiots as possible to my retail store”. They are the ones who have done full blown research on an Individual’s idiotism. As a result of their analysis, they have come up with some innovative offers. I have deciphered the meaning of one such innovation.

Will try to bring more after becoming an idiot in few more cases..

To Globe on his 2009th year with us...

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 08:36:00 +0000

Cool Globes Chicago Sad Earth
Originally uploaded by JohnLeGear

Thanks for making us survive for 2009 years. We don’t know what you expect from us, but we have 9 expectations from you in the year 2009. I am sure that you will meet these expectations as usual.

1. We are happy with the amount of water that we are surrounded with, but please keep the right balance. Don’t increase it so that we all have to live in boat houses and don’t decrease so that we end up drinking sweat. I hope you don’t mind the fact that we use Global warming and Go Green as a catch word but nothing more.

2. We are doing our best to ensure that you are occupied with your work. We have destroyed most of the forest that are created by you centuries ago. We hope that you will think creative and come up with some strategy to build new forest somewhere. We will ensure that we will help you by destroying all the existing forest so that you get a great challenge in the next few years.

3. Thanks for giving us our (may be your) oil products. We have enjoyed playing enough games with that. You know.. we have made it so valuable that the amount of food that my elderly village man eats depends on the cost of crude oil. You just created, we have made it valuable. Please keep creating.

4. Our beloved God has made a mistake. He has made us inhale air for our survival. We don’t like it since we like polluting the air than purifying it. We are looking for an alternative. In the meanwhile, please share our burden. Let us make a 50:50 deal. We will keep polluting the air and you can keep purifying it. What say?

5. When you had just two human survivors, you had given her an apple which is believed to be the cause of all sins in the world. Now, we have taken your role, we give our people with all alcoholic and non alcoholic addictives. This will ensure that you are not blamed for all sins after some 1000 years, but don’t stop giving us the apples.

6. You have made the crows and ants to live with us so that we will learn team work from them. Thanks for that, we expect you to create more such opportunities for us to live. If we have not learnt this, we wouldn’t have played big time events like the World War 1 and World War 2. It seems you are worried about not having a season 3, hence we are keeping an eye on Iraq and other third world countries.

7. We are in the process of developing a successor for you. Interested to know his name? We have called him The Money. Cute name isn’t it? He seems to be promising and we think that he can fill your place soon, but he wants you to stand for some more centuries. Please stay awake till then.

8. My great grand father called Darwin was talking about “Survival of the fittest”. We have proved ourselves as the fittest by giving no place for the animals to live. We know that you are appreciating our supremacy, but all of a sudden it seems that we have to overpower you. Please keep yourself underpowered.

9. Finally..One fine day if you think that our race has to end, I would expect you to take our help. We have conducted successful events like 9/11 and 26/11. Please make use of our expertise rather than repeating your old events like flood, earthquake etc.,

Nose should get its respect

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 17:57:00 +0000

My Nose Was Runnin! 008/365
Originally uploaded by Rob Beyer

I always wonder why women are so happy with troubling their nose, ears and even naval by piercing. The woman whom I am going to marry (catch me here: I have got engaged) is keen on getting her nose pierced. My mom has her one side nose pierced and my grand mom has both sides pierced, so I could justify my otherwise uncommon sense of researching about nose and nose piercing.

The nose has unique qualities that other organs should envy about. Your nose itches when your colleagues talk something interesting and which is none of your business. Though your ear hears that, it doesn’t itch. Your ear can entertain you only if you turn on your music. Your eyes can entertain you only if you see something, but your nose entertains without any external media. It just takes the help of your fingers and you can start enjoying (stop it if you are doing it now). No offense but you should understand that those who put their fingers inside their nose are just trying to breathe more by drilling the hole.

On the contrary we can sympathize with nose for the trouble it has to go through life. When you pick up a fight, your enemy is more interested in breaking your nose than really biting your ears. I think the nose has some perennial debt to the eyes for which it has to serve the eyes forever. Eye is a careless creature and it loses its power and nose has to come to its rescue. Eye loses power, ophthalmologist recommends power glasses and our poor nose has to carry it forever. I have seen many noses complaining about stinking eye glasses.

When the nose has its own tale to say, our ladies never listen to that. They instead put them in more trouble by piercing. Though the nose has a left side and right side, it never feels that they are different. They adjust amongst themselves by inhaling and exhaling alternatively. Our ladies will soon make them fight for superiority. Guess how?

Women from North India pierce the left side while those from South India pierce the right
Some say right side of the body is sacred hence piercing on the right is superior to the left
Some say that left side of the body is connected to the reproductive system of women and hence piercing the lift side of the nose leads to an easy child delivery (now don’t look at me like this, I’m just reproducing what I have read)
Chinese medicine says that left side of the body is considered feminine and right side of the body is masculine. May be that indicates that women should pierce the left side nose while men should(might?) pierce the right side nose(Again don’t look at me like this)

When I think about completing this post, my nose is itching to tell you that nose alone can not be blamed for snoring at night. It is the joint fault of your mouth. So give enough respect to your nose!

Inflation- How to keep Gandhi smiling at you?

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 10:55:00 +0000

Indian Rupees
Originally uploaded by W.R.Miller

At inflation grows in double digits, there is some serious thoughts going on my mind on how to minimize its effect on me. I asked one of my close friends who have come up with some action points. Sharing his views here for the benefit of my rich but poor (vice versa too) Indian citizens;

1. I’m going to cut all hidden cost in my life (not vests & briefs), most important are the Pepsi and Coke. I think that I am paying 10 bucks so that Shahrukh khan and Hrithik Roshan develop their 6 packs, whereas I end up losing the little flesh in my back.

2. I want to stop watching cricket so that the Goorej & Maruti Suzuki’s stop making an entry in to my mind through their innovative advertisements thus increasing probable future expense.

3. I would stop trading in stocks thus I can reduce my expenses related to Zandu balm and other medicines, if not the original loss.

4. Not sure whether car pooling and public transport will reduce carbon emissions, but it will definitely reduce the emission from my wallet.

5. Thanks to the market sentiments, I am already losing weight hence there is a good cost cut from my health and wellness account.

6. Of late I have realized that home is the sweetest, definitely sweeter than those expensive weekend places.

7. The air from my window is cooler than the air conditioning machine which gives me a paper shock (bill) every month.

8. Star plus and Star Movies are my favorite destinations than the Inox and PVR’s. Not because of the money..but you know…I already told you, home is the sweetest.

9. This month, I have realized that mobile is for just talking, hence I am not going for an upgrade. Next month I will realize that the mobile is a trouble, may be that will save me another fifteen hundreds per month.

10. I like my children’s screaming and my wife’s humming, these are better music than those costly music disks that I buy.

One day in God’s life

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 18:33:00 +0000

It was a fine afternoon in heaven. Ramba & Oorvasi were busy straightening their hair in their parlour. God’s personal assistant has taken a 2 hour break to learn Microsoft office. God has put a strict order to increase the effectiveness of heaven, so everyone was on some personal development activities. God was all alone.

After the highest level of pollution in the last one year, he has shifted heaven to an higher altitude. It was cool, calm & sacred. No water problem & no electricity problem, but the only issue was that he couldn’t increase the zoom level of his eyes and see the activities of people in the world.

He was initially against heavenbricks.com’s idea of shifting to a higher altitude. However, he was then convinced because of the introduction of Aastha channel & few divine serials. He was confident that people will watch these channels& manage their lives without evil.

As he was all alone, he thought of going through this months’ MIS reports. To his surpise, nothing has changed. The number of complaints & requests from Earth was in the increasing trend. From one side, his Finance team has announced an increase in temple hundi collections by 20%. On the other side, his grievance addressal department has announced the formation of special task force to look into the issue of underpaid labors. The report from each department ran to few hundred pages. Rather than reading through everything, he decided to take his charter flight & land in earth to take stock of the situation.

He landed up straight in India, since no one can easily identify him (Thanks to over 5 different religions & innumerable number of God’s). He planned to visit the temple in Madurai to see people’s involvement in praying. He wished to leave his slippers at the entrance, but the flower seller warned him not to leave his slippers unattended. Instead he advised him to leave it at the slipper counter where slippers of devotees are taken care of. He though “Oh my God, are there thieves even in the entrance of my temple? I have to ensure my line of control.” As he entered, the same flower seller asked him to buy some flowers. He picked a small rose garland just to get shocked in few seconds. The flower seller demanded Rs.100 for that. He left without an answer, but thought “Isn’t there any price control even in my temple?”

As he entered he saw three separate queues of people. On top of the first queue was a big board titled “Rs.50”. Second board read something like “Rs.20” and the third board was named “Free darshan”. He was not sure on which queue he should go & stand. He didn’t have money in his pocket so stood in the Free darshan queue. He was not sure why he has to wait for 2 hours but some one in the next queue who can afford Rs.50 can see God in just 10 mins. He thought “there should be equal treatment of humans atleast inside my temple. Let money not decide on who sees me first & how long”

After two hours of standing in the queue he finally managed to see his darshan. The priest was distributing sacred ash to everyone. Everyone was dropping coins in his plate. Our poor God didn’t have money, so he couldn’t drop money. The priest gave him an odd look. God felt insulted and left the temple immediately.

Stressed out after knowing the fact that things are not working well even in his own temple, he left to heaven. On his way he was confused and worried. He didn’t know how much his world has decayed to. He though of calling the experts and formulate a new anti virus tool so as to remove the viruses in society. However his Google searches lead him to a different solution “Format the machine & install a new operating system”.

Sportsmen & dirty games

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 12:35:00 +0000

Sportsmen can never enter the corporate world. No matter how good they are educated, no matter how good they maintain their public relationship, no matter how good they are trained on communication. Sportsmen can never succeed in the corporate world. Leave aside success; they don’t even have the basic qualification to enter any organization.

See what they are doing. This is the picture of our nation’s pride. Our start cricketers! It is horrible to see sportsmen fighting on field.

See this also.. Same with basket ball players.

I like to watch football because of these actions!

It is disappointing to see how they fight on the field and attack each other. The sad part of this fight is that no one gets their objective fulfilled by fighting. Alternatively both are punished.

Think and tell me, does this work in an organization?

Never... At corporate, we are decent, gentle, white collared. We bitch, but only at the back. We complain but only when the person is on leave. We even plan attacks, but will never disclose that I’m attacking. Simply we never fight on the field. We maintain high degree of corporate etiquette. Silly sportsmen will never learn this.

Monkey to Man to Donkey

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 06:52:00 +0000

Thanks to Monkeys we are now Men. Thanks to Men we are now Donkeys.

You know something..Indian economy is now travelling on Donkeys. If Donkeys are not there we would have been an underdeveloped nation for ever. I’m sure that none of our readers have the time to sue me if I name our economy as “Donkey economy”.

Now let us define Donkey economy “An economy which is driven by donkeys; where donkeys are the working people who can carry loads that no real donkey can imagine about. Wherein drivers of the economy (organizations) know that these donkeys can be loaded till their backbones break. Interestingly even if it breaks, it can be loaded with what it can carry.”

So..How much load are you carrying in a day?

Initially you get excited with the load, till the time you realize that the load is filled with waste clothe bundled in a clean silk cloth. When you are hired you are shown with the silk cloth, you say the same to others & you are immersed in a silky dream. Suddenly when you peep in to the bundle, you find more excitement..Wow..Shit spread clothes which can never be cleaned; grandfather’s clothes which are inherited for years; new clothes designed in the name of innovation which none other than a Spiderman or superman can wear. Hey..I am talking about the components of an employee’s role.

What does your role comprise of?

Software problem

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Sat, 10 May 2008 18:01:00 +0000

You might be searching for some problems in your software. Google might have directed you to this place. If so, please get back to your work and surf some other website. After all you have your own problems to solve. In this post I will be weeping about some issues with this Software Industry.

Some of my regular readers might have decided that I am dead or got kidnapped by some pink slipped employee. But I am alive and ki(ru)cking. As a dust who has joined this dust storm called IT Industry, I was facing some difficulty in adopting myself to the changing schedules. You know as per my IT community practice, I am supposed to go for shopping every week end, date atleast once in a week and come home late; not because of work but because of the huge Human & Vehicle population in India’s IT capital, Bagalore. I am following few dharma of an IT servant.

I always wonder about the similarities in problems between the Software Industry and its capital, Bangalore. In both cases one main problem is over population. Bangaloreans face

nightmare due to the roads. Too many roads but you can’t really select a road which will make you reach home early. Similarly my fellow Recruitment managers get too many candidates for a post, but you can’t really select the right candidate. Thanks to the parallelly prospering Industries like IT education and fake experience certificate providers.

Another problem is the middle management crisis. Karnataka political stage has too many leaders interested to work as the top leader, but very few hands in the middle level. Same with our Software Industry, getting a dependable middle manager is really a mid nights scary dream.

Take the headache of Bangalore Metropolitan Corporation; they have to take care of hell lot of activities starting from the roads, drainages, transport, infrastructure and the growing new responsibilities like propagating safe sex, bringing down the property prices. Similarly each software company has loads of diverse responsibilities like putting employees from seat to bench & then from bench to seat; celebrating birthdays; policing employees; settling fights between various departments; negotiating with employees on salary; handling employees threatening to quit; threatening employees to quit etc., etc., Huge task!

Thanks to these problems there are few Industries which are shining;
1. As the monitor glows to make the country powerful, many of our eyes are becoming less powerful. The eye glass Industry is growing.
2. Thanks to late night shifts & distant offices. TATA is selling more SUMO’s.
3. The back ache ailing Industry is growing without any head ache.
4. Growing salaries, growing divorces, growing advocate fee.
5. No one wants to be a landless labour, prospering real estate business.

Pink Slip

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 13:44:00 +0000

Pink Slip
Originally uploaded by Bethany Mae Photography

Yesterday I was browsing through some articles on “How to fire an employee”. Those articles give practical tips to the modern corporate Gods of destruction, the HR firing managers. Varieties of tips are available on the net for these firing managers. After all once you throw an employee, he does not say the regular TaTa..bye bye..Cu.. Rather he says “I too will become like the Tata’s..I’ll buy you..buy you..and See you.” Even after being Lord Shiva, they have their own point of worry. Shiva is prayed but firing managers will become employee’s prey.

On the other side employees in the IT fraternity are scared of reading the morning newspaper. News about recession and pink slips make them stop going to the God of maintenance, the HR team. It is better to go and meet the God of creation, the manpower consultants. I hope the publishers of “Who moved my cheese” can get good business if they promote their book again in Bangalore.

The next widely used question in Human dialogues will be…
I’m fired what can I do now? Let us answer this question by wearing our usual humor veil (Nothing serious about it). Here is a step by step guide on what to do after getting fired.

1. Go and sleep well. It has been years since you slept properly at home.

2. Collect some more intellectual but fired gentlemen in your organization. Form a small group. Arrange a firing party for networking. Invite your ex-employer to this firing party and push him into the bon fire. The real firing!

3. Call all those money eating service providers who otherwise knock your door every other day and say boldly “You are Fired”. Time to cut some cost.

4. Update and activate all those Gods resting in the virtual world as login ids in Naukri, Job monster and India times.

5. Time to look down, run run…Faster..Run...Run....FASTER..RUN..RUN on your tread mill. Don’t stop till you can look down and see your toes. Time to trim your tummies.

6. Look for a temporary job in political parties. With elections around, they are the next big users of Information technology. Assist them in starting political blogs, campaigns in You tube, designing opposition party games, e-mail campaigning and a lot more to come. They can even give you a MP or MLA seat as bonus. Be an IT politician. Hey..I just coined a new position for parties.(Pay royalty if you are going to use this)

7. By the time you finish all these you will get a job. Because, India is vast and jobs are enormous. Just relax!

"Changing Minds" – A short story

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 18:27:00 +0000

Praveen was excited. This day was not planned but all these happened suddenly. If Shweta had not been home this holiday, this wouldn’t have happened. All thanks goes to her. Praveen was wearing a white shirt and a white dhoti and Shweta in a new type of saree designed by Remuki, her elder sister who is 5 years older. Remuki helped in Praveen’s costumes also. Praveen insisted to wear a black coat just like a Christian groom. He was inspired by Lawyer uncle’s marriage last week. Shweta and Remuki were already over impressed by the just finished priest’s daughter’s marriage and wished that this marriage should happen in the same way. After all you are not allowed to dress as you wish on your marriage. Praveen lost to the ladies but complimented it by arranging an English style music band over a traditional tabla and natasvaram.

All arrangements were done personally by Praveen and Shweta. Their parents should be nice asleep after their heavy Sunday lunch. Who knows, they might not even be aware of the marriage. Who cares to inform them about these silly things? The music band started playing. The marriage procession was a feast to the eyes. Men dressed in red were at the front playing marriage music numbers. The second line was made of relatives called with all respect as mousa mousi, dada daadi, bhaiya bhavi and all other possibilities. They hate their parents, so there was no papa mumma. The last line was occupied by the remaining crowd. In the middle was our beautiful bride and groom whose eyes were full of joy. They were holding hands. Surprisingly the same level of joy was found in every one else’s eyes. There was an aura of fun and excitement just like any other marriage. The music played was a bit asynchronous like a crow singing in myna’s concert, but who cares. There was sound and that is enough to make a marriage.

A beauty in this marriage is that there was no dowry discussed to sell the girl. No one cared about each others caste, region or social status. There were no aunties moving in and out promoting Khazana jewelers and there was no girl trying to outsmart other girls in the family to win the coveted “She is pretty” title. Praveen wished Shweta to be her bride and she agreed. Others were not given with a chance to interfere since the idea of getting married is Praveen’s and they didn’t want to interfere.

The marriage procession has walked almost 100 meters. The temple where they were supposed to reach is just 50 meters ahead. “PRAVEEN” shouted a big man with big moustaches. Praveen turned back just to see his surprise turn to shock. It is his Uncle from the military. He had a long machine gun raised in his hand. The procession halted. There was complete silence. Everyone was looking for Praveen to react.

Praveen removed the clutch from Shweta and accelerated towards his Uncle. The moment he was 2 foot away from his Uncle, Uncle leaned forward and gave the gun to Praveen. To everyone’s surprise Praveen opened fire at Shweta. Dududududdddd. Shweta accepted the bullets and fell down without any resistance. Then he went close to the crowd and shot everyone. Beautiful marriage turned into a war ground. The crowd fell down one after the other. In fact everyone enjoyed the change. Victorious Praveen went back to his uncle and said “Thanks Uncle, have you brought me more toys to play?”. “Yes my eight years old soldier” replied Uncle and lifted Praveen.

Shweta and the crowd understood that Praveen will not come again to play. They stood up from ground and headed towards the park to play ring a’ ring a’ roses. No one was worried except Remuki, whose carefully designed costumes went dirty in this mock marriage game.

Indian Imitation Syndrome

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 06:50:00 +0000

Shahrukh khan (SRK) has all reasons to be on news almost every day. Mr. Ramadoss doesn’t. What to do..What to do..Ya! What an Idea. Let us ride on SRK’s fame. Let us blame SRK for showing his newly constructed, man made wonder. The 6 pack abs. Che Che..Bad Idea, he may ask me to show my abs, no no. That will make me loose my health minister post.

What to do..What to do..Ya! What an Idea. Let us talk about him being a Don. He kills people on screen. That is the point, let us sue him. Che Che..If we speak about Don, that will certainly affect Tamil sentiments, since Superstart Rajni Kanth has played Don in its remake. This may force me to move out of politics.

What to do..What to do..Ya! He smokes a lot in public, something which I can not do. Let us blame him for that. Smoking is injurious to health. Let us prove it for the King Khan. We will ask SRK to stop it and apologize in public. If he does not, then let us force the cigarette companies to use SRK’s face morphed as skeleton and print in all cigarette packets. May be on a 4cm x 3cm size color print. Good idea! No Che Che now..

Ok. All planned and executed well. SRK got his percentage of media coverage; Mr. Health minister got his piece of attraction; public got some kind of confusion and finally I got some thing to blog about.

My vote goes for Mr.Ramadoss. On screen personality of stars are imitated by his fans. So, when SRK smokes, his fans too smoke. If SRK drinks, his fans too will drink. Logically and practically Mr.Ramadoss is right. Every one smokes and drinks just to look like SRK. Not to get the prospective physical reaction in the serum due to the intake of nicotine in the gaseous state thus easing the body to float on air. “Who wants that? we just want to look like SRK. I do not afford to buy a dark jacket, black big glasses, a gang with the latest handheld weapons and a multipurpose assistant girl. I just afford a cigarette and hence I use that”, says Khan Singh a dye hard Sharukh khan fan after seeing Don.

Of late, I have observed a few more activities in public which can create a similar imitation syndrome among the public. One such thing was held on 29^th Feb 2008 in the Indian parliament. Along with me watching the general Budget 2008 was a little boy doing his 5^th standard in school. For him, the parliament house is much like his class room. The teacher there is the speaker here. The students there are the well dressed politicians here. The student who stands up and reads the lessons is our honorable Finance minister here. In his school, there will be pin drop silence when some one is reading aloud. If someone interferes that is a violation of school discipline and he/she will be punished. This is student dharma. However, there is no such protocol followed in the parliament. Members stood up at many instances and voiced their concerns thus disturbing the person reading aloud. I am afraid that this school student will try to imitate these great political superstars in his classrooms.

My humble request to Mr.Health minister is to take up this issue as this is directly related to child behavior in our country. At this time, the member accused is not a super start, but they are super politicians just like you. So, please take actions. I know that the parliament members can not be changed, so you can raise your voice to stop broadcasting the parliament activities or ask the students to stay away from television. If these do not work, you can take the last step of banning all television channels and cinema theatres. They are the propagators of all wrong messages. Let they be not there. What an idea!

Indian Institute of Politics

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 10:10:00 +0000

On 1st February 2008, Mint, the Indian newspaper has successfully completed its one year of operation. The special edition on its anniversary was insightful. It contains 60 ideas for a New India written by 60 different personalities. Most of the ideas were worth thinking about. One such interesting idea was by Tamal bandyopadhyay (tough name) to start Indian Institute of Politics in the same line as IIT’s and IIM’s. The columnist argues that if actors and architects need professional qualifications, then why not politicians?

Though this idea is not new and there are some institutions which are already in place, the point is to make it compulsory for any individual to enter politics. Radical? Wise men can think about it on an optimistic way. I am not wise. That forces me to look at it pessimistically and sarcastically.

Now, we are fast forwarding ourselves to the year 2012, the year in which we assume this new institution to get open(Warning: Not a promise by anyone).

Let us assume that the Institution is launched (saffron ribbon cut by the ruling party) and named as Janata politics school. The major criticism for such a name was by a Tamil politician who condemned that Janata is a Hindi word and people from his state may not understand it. Next was our own Laloo ji who was against naming it as ‘School’, since it degraded the value of such a high profile education. He demanded it should be named as ‘Janata Political Doctorate College’, whereas Chidambaram and Manmohan argued that the word School, like in Business School is highly respected and used in the developed nations and hence it will position out institution at an international level.

The first entrance exam for the same is conducted on 2nd February 2012 instead of the opposition by some religious party that the day is not auspicious. The entrance exam was named as Politics entrance test (PET), and was conducted in 22 Indian languages as recognized by the constitution of India. Almost all newspaper’s carried this news in their headlines next day. One famous newspaper reported as follows;

Feb 2, 2012: The much expected Political Entrance test(PET) attracted around 2 lakh students just equal to the high profile Common Aptitude test(CAT). Most of the applicants got motivated by the extraordinary placements guaranteed by many National and regional parties with the ruling party(then) offering the maximum package of one ministry seat, a swiss bank account with an undisclosed balance and a party sponsored world tour to self and family in the name of official visit. The most attractive part of this offer is that the salary that will be officially mentioned in government and party records is just Rs.1 per month.

Our bureau suspects foul play and scam in this test. As a reply to our e-mail to the exam board, the board president replied that “after all it is an entrance test for budding Politicians; we want only those candidates who can successfully manage these intended foul plays and scams”. Our investigation team revealed that an all party meeting was conducted for the making of question paper(being democratic) and the members were held to take an oath on the holy book Geeta and promise that they will not leak the question paper. Many politicians still leaked it stating that the Geeta used there was not the original version but was a shortened version and hence their promise is invalid.

There was a huge cry over the quota system and different sects demanded for an increase in quota stating that this is an altogether different education and hence quota should be revised. The women’s front demanded that at least 50% should be allotted for women candidates. Apart from this they demanded for a correspondence course in politics since most women can not leave their families and come out for education. The cinema actors’ federation demanded that the board was not fair in deciding the age criteria. It said that it takes at least 20 years of acting experience for their community to enter politics and as such the age cap of 35 is not acceptable.

The results of PET will be announced in another fifteen days, but it is found that the descendants of major political parties are already celebrating. They have launched separate websites and blogs to publicize their presence in the institute.

Note: This is an imagination and not a real report. Anyone just glancing at this is requested not to be misguided.

Career Questionnaire- The destructive side

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 16:54:00 +0000

Many career counselors charge you for helping you select a right course for education. Most of them ask about your aspirations, strengths and weakness. They check your IQ, EQ and many other Q’s before suggesting something. Beware! Don’t waste time and money there.

I am giving this warning because I know that many students (Exceptions overruled) join a course for something and end up doing something else that they really like doing. Agree? This made me design this questionnaire. This is based on what a student might be willing to do at college in a particular course. Obviously these are destructive, but this is real other side.

MBA’s may answer as "Yes" to the following questions

I can speak more, party more but work less
I care for what I wear today
I can cash on other’s problem and can coolly call it as a strategy
I don’t know the meaning of plagiarism
For me the only unethical thing on earth is to be ethical
I believe that marks are synonymous to madness
I believe that Jack should be proud be being in all trades
My destiny is placements
If you ask me three priorities , then I will answer it as “I, me and myself”
I like to call myself as an MBA more than an employee of XYZ co.

Engineers may answer as "Yes" to the following questions

I can work more and talk less
I believe that IT sector will flourish for ever
I am highly logical and hence can booze throughout the course thinking that booze will motivate me
My creative side can be found by the way I design ragging tricks
I am intelligent hence I don’t deserve to be in India, I will fly and earn a post graduation
Brain drain? I have never heard about it
I want to feel superior by doing this course
I know that I will end up into a dog if I don’t get a job on campus
It is enough if I wake up in the final year, sleeping before that is normal
I am intelligent and hence I look stupid (or) I am stupid and hence look intelligent

Arts graduates may answer as "Yes" to the following questions

I keep fun as my top priority in life, next it is being happy and last but not least it is fun again
I have strong belief in Indian economy which will anyway give me a job
I am practicing to speak in American accent
I want to dress up to college in the same way as I would walk the ramp
I believe that I am young, energetic and hence I need not spend much energy in studying
I want to postpone my worries for three years
Bunking is bliss, arrear is auspicious
Whether I earn a degree or not, I want to earn a girl
I have practiced rowdy'ism in at least one situation
College campus is my home; canteen is my board room; recreation room is my bed room; class room?? Never heard about that

Farewell Feelings.. not so fare

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 19:24:00 +0000

party at night
Originally uploaded by alfadone75

I have earlier discussed about my experience with winter in this place. Here winter enlightens me again.

Last Friday was our much expected farewell party. All it began with a poll for titles like Mr/Ms Congeniality, Mr/Ms Flirt, best buddies, best couple, style icon etc.,. Indians are born politicians, the contestants proved it. The online poll turned into an online defame before the authorities interrupted and closed the story.

The time was 7.00PM; it was an open air party and the temperature was cold enough to compel you to get into a quilt. Still the brave hearts of my college came in with their own intention. My only intention was to eat something which is not aaloofied. I prefer to eat food with LIFE. The honorable Director says a strict no no to non-vegetarian food inside the college. Our fellow students were compelled to eat the food made of leaves, seeds, milk, roots and stem (Vegetarian- A food without LIFE).

My friend’s intention was to catch some colours. The community of boy-girl researchers have coined this special term ‘colour’ to refer girls. Their explanation is as follows “A colour is something which can guide people (traffic light colours) and a colour is the same thing which can destroy people (distractive colours). Since girls have the same qualities, they are referred as colours”. (Possibly worlds most stupid explanation..)

Many came with the intention of exchanging their final formal goodbye. Though I believe that orkut is the antonym for good bye. My entire batch is either orkut arrested or orkut addicted, hence there is no need to say good bye. The whole event went as an usual farewell party, some one speaking on the stage, some one playing music and making people dance and someone spending money for all these. There are few interesting findings that I made during this time. These would help me a lot in my ongoing boy-girl research. I am sharing the same here;

Men and women compliment each other perfectly: As it is farewell, women were emotional and were allowing water to exit their body as tears. Men too were emotional, but were allowing water to enter their body as booze.

Women are winter resistant: I could see men in their full suits with enough protection to withstand the cold. Women on the other end were as usual, sarees in their sexiest form or in western party wears. This makes me believe that there should be a skin cream which is winter resistant or their skin itself is winter resistant.

Men’s clock and Women’s clock show different time: The party was supposed to start at 4.00PM and men walked in at 5.30PM to avoid the speeches delivered by the honorable staff members. Women walked in at 7.00PM in order to turn on the party. Women should have been convincing their Mirror till then.

Food attracts both; Men eat and Women see: The sight of food being served attracted the crowd. Irrespective of the gender, men and women started walking towards the food zone. After few minutes, men were seen eating and women were seen holding their plates.

Ends here. IBS readers looking for a more detailed article on this farewell may visit our college forum by clicking here.

Auto..Auto..Oi Auto!

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 16:52:00 +0000

I do not know why, but these three wheeled auto rickshaws fascinate me a lot. The vehicle is unique and so are their drivers. They form an important part of the culture of a city. You might have come across reviews that are given for free like “Bangalore Autos’ Oh! They are horrible, they don’t give any respect. They don’t come if the distance is short”; “Chennai Auto’s! Cheaters, they don’t talk in Hindi”; “Delhi Auto’s! They never use the meter, they charge as they wish”. I surprise as to why these Autos are blamed for their driver’s mistakes. Poor Auto’s .. uch…ch..ch..

A normal Auto that we have seen so far can be narrated as follows;

A three wheeled motored metal box with no doors
A scooter with ceiling
A vehicle in which you save time and loose energy
A vehicle to travel if you have a girlfriend and don’t have your own vehicle
A vehicle with a meter which is fixed to fix the fare
A vehicle which can be used as a joy ride in Disney land

When time comes, every opinion, every stereotype will be shattered (For effect: Imagine your pc monitor shattering into pieces). My opinion about Auto was shattered on my visit to Jodhpur, a famous city in Rajasthan, India.

The Autos here can be really called as palace on three wheels (Thanks for the Indian Railways; it was easy for me to name it). I clicked few pictures for you. Sharing the same here….

Front View: I think these Autos are considered feminine. I have seen these two golden tails hanging in thre front somewhere else..Ya..It represents rettai jada (twin pony tail)

Internal: Driver with a hands free mobile (Safe driving). The men inside the photo frame are Himesh Reshamia and his fan. What is he doing here? He is the owner.

Side view: Curves at the right points. Covered enough and left enough. I mean this auto.

Above the driver: You would have seen Lord Shiva and few mirrors, but it also has a radio and cassette player, two loud speakers and a mini locker. (Likely competitor to Tata's one lac car)

The only thing that I missed is to test drive them. Will not miss during my next trip.

Choose the right option

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 07:40:00 +0000

Couples
Originally uploaded by David Foster Nass

Mummy, Daddy, Brother, Sister, Uncle, Aunty. You will love to teach all these words to your kid. It is only at school they teach relationship like nephew, niece, cousin etc. As some great man said, “life is the best teacher”. Life teaches some more relationship titles, especially for a girl. You will be amazed as to how many type of relationship can a girl have with boys. Let us list few that can be discussed in public.

1. Boy friend
2. A boy who is a friend
3. Flirting friend
4. Lover

These names are given under the chapter “Daavu” in the book “Ladki patayufying” written by the ancient sage called “Vaal micky”.

Few girls have all these relationships at a time. Talented people can manage adding 's' (plural) to all these relationships. All those who disagree are requested to go to ATM, take out some paisa and go to the nearest metro. If you are in a metro and still don’t agree, I request you to type a leave letter to office and go to a nearest park regularly for a week. If you do this, you may add some more to the list above.

Being a boy-girl researcher, I feel that I have to advise all the 'boys without girls' on the pros and cons of these relationships. Before you proceed with this I would advice you to go through my earlier post “boys without girls” and make accustomed to the process of getting a girl. Now, let us analyze the pros:) and cons:( of each. At the end you can decide on the role you want to take.

Boyfriend:

:) 1- Societal status increases- Now you too have a girlfriend

:( 1- Branded as a boyfriend of Ms.X and hence loose other opportunities

:) 2- Spending time is now easy and interesting

:( 2- Spending money! Is not easy and is disgusting

:) 3- Occasional dates and probable nights

:( 3-Your wallet is no more open for public inspection because you have to hide some small device there

Boy who is a friend:

:) 1- No benefit

:( 1- You have to be her driver wherever she goes(includes a trip to her boyfriend’s)

:) 2- No benefit

:( 2- How many times can you pick her call and listen about her fight with the boyfriend

:) 3- No benefit

:( 3 -Forces a blogger like me to write more cons which he can not do due to space restriction

Flirting friend:

:) 1- You can have as many as you can

:( 1- Have to practice the skill of evaporating on sight of your second flirt

:) 2- Expenses are shared and hence your wallet is safe

:( 2- She cries for a party even if Aishwarya rai marries a tree

:) 3- Regularly she will praise you for your charm, smartness and what not

:( 3- How many times will you repeat this to her

Lover:

:) 1- You get to know your life partner

:( 1- You get to know that your life is becoming more more more more more

:) 2- You will get more girls who are friends because they know that you are harmless

:( 2- You have to tell your lady love's name and show her photo to almost every girl who knows your issue

:) 3- Your lady love cares for your money and spends realistically

:( 3- The same girl is capable of scaring you by showing a diamond necklace and say “sweet heart buy this for me after marriage”

Blog of the day award

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 18:56:00 +0000

I got a communication that I got something called as Blog of the day award by a blog awarding community. I was awarded this for Nov 14, 2007. I really don’t know how much this award is worth cherishing, but it feels good to be awarded along with some of the other best blogs. Thanks to all my visitors, thanks to the panel who selected my blog too for this award..

I started this blog on Nov 17 2007 just to keep alive my interest in writing. In these 28 days, I have posted on nine titles and got around 300 visitors. I remember the initial ten days wherein I have to literally force my friends to visit my blog. Now things have improved, I am not forcing them but they are doing on their own (just to avoid being forced). I thank you guys Saurabh, Sunil, Anonymous (though I know you Kafee), messenger of nemesis and all of you.

I thank all my blogger visitors who have read and commented on me once or regularly. I read them regularly to get inspiration, Hip Hop grandmom, tys on ice, thinking aloud, ad libber, raghu, rayshma and abhinav. Thanks all!

I know that I have a long way to go, though I don’t know the exact kilometers. I know that it needs dedication, though I don't want to be addiction. I know that I have to stop here, else you will get bored. So I stop here. Will catch you soon with another humorous blog, because others take much time for which I am not free. Keep smiling till then:)

Boys without Girls

noreply@blogger.com (Krishnan N Subramanian) — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 19:16:00 +0000

Fasten your seat belts. We are entering the Amazon. This Amazon does not have thousands of species; rather it has only two species boys and girls.

People like Dr. John Gray, Allan Pease and Barbara Pease have done enough research on men and women. They have missed the most interesting creatures on earth, namely boys and girls. They would have thought that in the future there will be a researcher called Na.Su.Krishnan(He..He..It’s meee) who can do stupid (read great) work like this.

Never mind..Let us get in to our job. In this post we will discuss about Boys who don’t have a girl in his life. For ease of definition, let us call them sages (waiting for nirvana).

These sages can be easily found in the following places;

1. In the gym, trying to build their muscles. Someone should have told them that broad chest attracts girls. Our sage missed to note that money is also kept in the chest pocket.

2. In Gtalk and yahoo messengers trying to find a girl to flirt with. Our sage should have missed to note that only those cases which are of no use in reality are left in the virtual world. All others are busy with their boys in some corner (Ya!corner) of the world.

3. In front of women’s college trying to attract some chick. Here our sage drives in an ultra modern bike. Sports black glasses irrespective of the weather, shirt which is torn in different styles to indicate fashion, trousers which allow thy underwear to show off (Jockey gets free advertisement here). Little does he know that our girls there are in need of drivers who can drive a two wheeler and leave them at home, nothing more.

4. Orkut and other social networking sites. Here you can see our sage having his best edited photograph (Reality scares) in his profile. He visits as many girls as he can in a day (Hard sellers) and scraps them by crushing his creative machine. “Hey..I generally don’t scrap unknown people, but your pic caught my eye. Couldn’t move without scrapping you. Can we be friends”. Intelligent way of begging for friendship right? Friendship is scraped, sorry sacred!

5. Along with boys who already have a girlfriend. Right! Your guess is perfect. “Yaar..your girlfriend’s room mate yaar..Sexy queen, please yaar ask her to introduce me to that queen. I will bring two old monks this week yaar”. Hmm..Bribe! Our sage can become a Government officer but never get a girl.

I can be happy only if the society is happy. I can not arrange girls for you (mind it, rascala). However, I know that you lose energy everyday by search marofying, trial marofying, propose marofying, line marofying, sight marofying and a lot of other associated activities like stunt marofying, sutta marofying etc., etc., As a boy-girl researcher, I will teach you a variant of pranayama which if practiced will help you to refresh, revitalize and get the energy back. The best part of this pranayama is that you need not get early in the morning to do this, you can do this anywhere anytime. Simple steps are as follows,

Step 1: When you are about to cross a girl, stand easy and INHALE……
Step 2: When the girl just passes away, start walking and EXHALE….

Note: The force with which you inhale depends on the beauty of the girl passing by. Best results can be guaranteed only if the place is filled with beautiful chicks:)

Disclaimer: This post is written for humour with humour by humour. Any species finding it annoying are requested to cool down by doing pranayama.

Picture source:http://www.flickr.com/photos/johnwiseman/