Editor’s Note: This is the first of , what I hope is, many articles to come from Linda. I think she did a great job with this one. All of her references are available by request. When Eva decided to have her “I am not listening to anyone at all and nothing ca make me” she was half-right. A smack on the butt didn’t work, timeouts didn’t, finally I started taking away her stuffed animals. Remember, you are never a perfect parent, but you can always try to be.

If you’ve ever been in the grocery store and witnessed that horrible scene in which there is an inconsolable toddler screaming while the parent stands there turning fifty shades of red, you may have realized how difficult it is to keep your cool as a parent. Some parents choose to handle this situation with some form of punishment, whether that be taking away something the child desires or physically spanking them. Although there are situations in which physical punishment seems to solve the problem, if you were to use alternative methods of discipline, physical punishment won’t be necessary.

In order to avoid using physical punishment, parents should have a system in place that can help them be armed and ready for any type of situation that may arise. Having a course of action can help adults to keep their cool when things become stressful. There are three basic components needed for an effective disciplinary system which are:

1. A productive learning environment
2. A plan for reinforcing desired behaviors
3. And a plan for eliminating undesired behaviors. (American Academy of Pediatrics, 1998, p. 723).

In order to give the child a productive learning environment, you must first ensure their safety. Setting limits and boundaries and providing a safe haven to explore their surroundings sets them up for success. An infant or toddler who is allowed to roam free with no boundaries won’t understand the concept of rules as they grow into a child, not to mention it is dangerous. Reinforcing positive behaviors and eliminating undesired behaviors helps teach them how to be a responsible citizen as an adult.If they are taught early that life has rules that must be followed, becoming an adult shouldn’t be a difficult transition for them.

Selecting the appropriate discipline system for the family is important because it will affect many different aspects of a child’s life. Socolar, Savage, & Evans (2007) suggest that the types of disciplinary practices used, can be important to child emotional and behavioral problems. They say,

“Disciplinary practices can be important to outcomes such as self-esteem, aggression, behavior problems, delinquency, and subsequent adult criminal behaviors, depression, and alcoholism” (p. 472).

So even after children have moved out and started families of their own, the method parents have used to discipline them will carry over into their personal relationships and relationships with their children.

Because a parent’s discipline has such a heavy effect on their child’s life it is important to include all three components into the system. Using only reinforcement or only punishment isn’t enough to foster a well-behaved child. The first component for an effective disciplinary system is to create a productive learning environment. Not only does this mean providing a safe place to grow, it also means the parent must establish a positive parent-child relationship. According to Wiggins, Sofronoff, & Sanders (2009),

“Attachment theory proposes that parents provide a secure base from which a child can explore their environment and then return for emotional and/or physical support” (p. 518 as cited in Bowlby, 1988).

This attachment and security promotes a positive parent-child relationship and builds trust between the child and parent. It also forms a bond in which the child will look to the parent for guidance on what is acceptable behavior and what isn’t.

Parents can promote a positive parent-child relationship by doing simple things such as spending time with them and giving them undivided attention as well as telling them how much they love and appreciate them. Howard (1996) states that, “Even in the laboratory setting, warmth, described by Parke as prior ‘nurturance’ delivered by the experimenter, resulted in more desirable behavior, which in this study manifest as increased resistance to misbehavior” (p. 810). From this we can conclude that children who are treated better are less likely to misbehave and are more likely to seek your approval by behaving. It makes sense because a child would be more likely to respect and please someone they liked and had an attachment to versus someone that they dislike or someone who was negative towards them all the time.

Another facet of the parent-child relationship is the presence of consistency in the child’s life. Providing set meal and bed times along with consistent routines helps promote security within the child and also fosters good behavior.
According to Howard (1996):

Such consistency reflects well-functioning adults but is also associated with harmonious parent-child relationships and more positive child outcomes, such as high self-esteem, confidence, independence, and achievement orientation. Conversely, inconsistency has been noted repeatedly in dysfunctional families of conduct-disordered children. (p. 810)

Simply put, it is less stressful when your child’s life isn’t chaotic and he never knows what to expect. When a child wakes up in the morning knowing that first he will eat breakfast, followed by brushing his teeth, and then getting dressed he is secure in knowing what to expect.

When a child wakes up not knowing when he’s supposed to eat breakfast or if he’s supposed to brush his teeth it instills this sense of frustration. It can also be scary for them if they never know what is going on and they have to constantly depend on someone for direction. Children often desire to be independent and giving them a set routine helps give them the confidence and security they need to achieve their independence.

The second component for an effective disciplinary system is to plan for reinforcing desired behavior. This means the parent needs to reward or praise the child whenever they do something they want to see more of. An example of this would be if a toddler starts picking up his toys without being told. Praising him for this good behavior and showing him that what he’s doing is acceptable, reinforces this good behavior. This small task fosters self-esteem and self-worth and also instills a desire to exhibit more good behavior because the outcome is positive. Sigler, & Aamidor, (2005) states:

Children look to adults, parents, and teachers for approval in order to confirm that the behaviors they are exhibiting are ones that are desired (as cited in Lawhon & Lawhon, 2000). By acknowledging the child’s behavior as appropriate we teach the child which behaviors are preferred over others (as cited in Bukatko & Daehler, 2001) (p. 250).

Basically, we are reinforcing the good behavior and as we do this more often, children will respond with more acceptable behavior. People in general are more likely to repeat behaviors that give them a positive outcome whether this means they just feel good or actually gain a reward. An extreme example would be if someone caused an accident and was severely injured because they were talking on their cell phone. It is likely they won’t allow themselves to be distracted while driving anymore if they can help it. This is because they want to avoid the negative outcome of their behavior. The same concept applies when a parent is performing positive reinforcement with their children.

No parent enjoys punishing their children but sometimes positive reinforcement alone isn’t enough. Many parents become frustrated and may resort to corporal punishment for a quick fix. Although this seems to produce immediate results, studies have shown that there are better ways to handle the situation. The third component for an effective disciplinary system is to plan for eliminating undesired behavior. Corporal punishment typically fosters aggression. It shows the child that this is the correct way to handle an unacceptable situation. According to Simons, & Johnson, (1994),

“Severe corporal punishment is seen as communication the lesson that physical aggression is a legitimate strategy for resolving disagreements” (p. 592).

A child is always watching their parent or parents and mimicking what they say and do. If they see that their mother or father handles unacceptable behavior by a swat on the leg or buttocks, then the message they receive is that aggressive actions will solve the problem. Even though it is a negative outcome and the child is less likely to repeat the behavior that warranted the physical punishment, they will perceive that it is okay to warrant off undesired behavior by taking aggressive action. So what can be done in place of spanking?

One method of punishment that has proven to be effective is using a time out. This method is especially helpful if the child is upset or it is an emotionally charged situation. Taking a break and allowing the parent to remain calm and the child to calm down gives time for both parties to reflect on the situation. When the time out is over, it is best to come together and talk about what happened and why the behavior that was exhibited is unacceptable. Another method that is useful for older children is the removal of privileges. Both methods remove a desired outcome therefore showing the child that they can’t get the results they want (i.e. attention or t.v. time) by using bad behavior.

Using these methods has proven to have positive long-term outcomes in the relationship between the parent and child as well as producing desirable behavior. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, 1998,

“In preschool children, time-out (removal of positive parental attention) has been shown to increase compliance with parental expectations from; 25% to 80%, 12 and similar effectiveness is seen when used appropriately with older children” (p. 725).

The key to this is using the time out effectively and consistently. Keeping calm and maintaining control are two core things the parent must remember when issuing a time out or another method of punishment. Also making sure to maintain the same punishment for the same behavior every time the child exhibits it is a must. If a child receives a time out for throwing a toy one day and then repeats the behavior the next day and no punishment is issued, then the only thing that is happening is that the parent is confusing the child.

Even though there are moments when spanking a child seems to be the only way to handle the situation and sometimes seems to temporarily provide the desired results, promoting positive reinforcement and the use of alternative punishment methods have been shown to be more effective in the long run. According to Simons, & Johnson, (1994),

“…the message conveyed by harsh parents goes beyond approaches to parenting; it involves conflict resolution tactics to be used with people in general. Consistent with this idea, numerous studies have found that children subjected to corporal punishment tend to be more aggressive than children whose parents use alternative disciplinary strategies” (p. 592).

Using corporal punishment doesn’t only send the message that the behavior is bad, it tells them this is the way they should handle difficult situations. As they grow older, children whose parents have used corporal punishment as a means of discipline are more likely to feel that it is acceptable to hit other people or even their spouse. It promotes anger and aggression and can also damage the trust and bond between the child and the parent.

Parents are not perfect and they do make mistakes. However, if parents use the three components as their style of discipline, then they will find that they are able to handle behavior issues more effectively and easily. Eliminating the use of corporal punishment as a means of discipline could enable us to live in a world where families and people in general are less violent and more apt to keep their cool in stressful situations. If more parents were able to implement this discipline structure, the typical grocery store meltdowns would become a thing of the past. Imagine that.

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This is a topic that I have been pondering since I cannot remember when. I think that, even if you do not want to admit it to yourself, you have too. Read on.

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I am excited to announce that minus a few minor things to fix, the site is finished. Lets go through this.

First I went with a actual hosting provider, HostGator. They are great and if you are ever thinking about hosting a site I encourage them tremendously. I couldn’t wait to get to work and jumped the gun so that I ended up having to make a call to customer service. They were excellent.

Second, I switched to a self-hosted WordPress.org, (check out WordPress.com for a non self-hosted site). The advantage to this over Blogger is that since it is self-hosted I have a lot more control over what I can do with the site. I changed the theme from Easel to the most excellent theme, Atahualpa. This is one of the most simple themes that you can get for free, but it has a million of options for customization.

What I wanted to do was match the color scheme to the old site as best as possible. I think I did a pretty good job. I had to dig into some PHP, CSS, and HTML coding, but that is because I wanted things a certain way, if you don’t need that much customization the Atahualpa options will work fine.

I added a forum, but it desperately needs some topics and users, so go sign up. I want to use this for a couple of things to include:

• Recipes from all the places I have lived/visited.
• Intelligent debates
• Random things
• DIY topics
• Crafty things

If you notice the new menu at the top you will see that I added a few things. We have Tech, Health, and News. You can also see the new topics. I am hoping to get some Men’s Fashion articles on here, similar to Art of Manliness. I will also be featuring some small businesses on the Auction page, which I am very excited about.

If you look on the right you will see the Scott’s Stuff Facebook Page. Below that is a bunch of icons to follows us on different social media sites. Below that is the Etsy store, My Sassy Bowtique, and below that is a link to donate to the Wounded Warrior Project.

On the About page you will see that I have shortened the bio and added a dynamic view of my personal Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ pages.

There will be ads on the page, but I am experimenting with them so let me know if you have feedback. The navigation features of the page may need to be tweaked but I need feedback from you, the user. It is easy for me to find everything because, well, because I built it.

I hope you enjoy it and I hope even more that you can help me make this as much your site as it is mine. Feedback. Feedback. Feedback.

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Tech posts are coming soon!

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Health Posts will be coming soon!

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This is sample text that will be deleted immediately afterwards. Thanks for reading.

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Men’s Fashion Coming Soon!

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Well as I sit here on this Sunday, watching cartoons with Eva, I thought I would spend this time doing something productive. Being a blogger, or rather trying to be, I try to stay up on the latest relevant news and unless you have been living under a rock for the past week you cannot help but know that there is some terrible stuff happening all over the world right now. I posted about the Egyptian protests and would have covered everything that was going on in Libya but thought that you would have enough information from everyone else, but you can see that on my Facebook Page. I also just plain didn’t have the time.

What I want to talk about, if you couldn’t figure it out, is the relationships that we have between the various religions of the world. Why can we not just get along? As Americans we of all people should respect and understand the need for religious toleration because we are a nation founded on religious toleration.  Have we forgotten the history that we were taught in school, or is that just not taught anymore? We need to get back to our roots and remember that a large portion of our early immigrants came to the US to escape from the repression that was going on in their native lands.

Everyone goes on about muslim-this and muslim-that but forget that we have our very own extremists here in our own country such as the Westboro Baptist Church nuts. We also have people like Terry Jones, the KKK, the Neo-Nazis, and many others. So why do we insistently look beyond our borders for hate and ignorance when we breed it so well here.

I want to raise my daughter in a nation that cares about the history that built it. I am not saying that I want to live in a sissy nation, I absolutely do not believe in political correctness, and think that everyone deserves that fair chance if they earn it. I am also a man who thinks that everyone should have to serve at least two years in the armed services, kids should be spanked when needed, rapists and pedophiles should be castrated, and you should have to piss in a cup before receiving any type of governmental assistance.

While I spent my time in Afghanistan back in 08-09 I learned a few things about the way of life over there. The Koran is not supposed to be translated into any language other than the Arabic it is printed in. Most Afghans in the area I was in could barely read or write in their native language, much less a foreign one. So what are they to do? This is when organizations such as Al-Qaeda and Taliban send in their own “translators” to act as mullahs. What actually happens is that they are taught a bastardized version that calls for acts of terror on innocent people. This is why education is so important there. Education is the key to breeding out in ignorance in these areas.

This is not a fresh tactic though. During the Crusades the less traveled peasants of the English countryside were told terrible tales of the Muslims. These stories were spread and exaggerated by, guess who, the Catholic Church. Once again you have a large religion taking advantage of the less educated and using it to enrich themselves in both power and wealth.

Please don’t think me un-American for these words because if anything they are truly American. I think being an American means that you think about things from all angles before you form your own opinions. It also means keeping an open mind about everything.

I will leave off with this next little bit. My stance on the deaths that we are witnessing? Avoid a full blown attack/war. Send in one of several of our small, elite, and deadly teams. Strike Hard, Strike Fast, destroy what we have to, and get out. Seek out vengeance for the right reasons and not to use it as a re-election weapon. We as a nation cannot afford another war but we can be brought together with swift action.

Got comments? Leave them below.

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This just in. Will update when more information is known.

Update

USA Today says that CNN reported that U.S. Security guards, probably U.S. Marines fired warning shots today shortly after 2 pm EST. Of the 2000 protesters that are outside of the walls Reuters is saying that only 20 have climbed the walls. If you watch the video it looks to me as if more than twenty have shimmied up there.

With reports that this was expected, to the point where diplomatic personnel were removed from the premises beforehand, I can only wonder why we did not have more troops in the immediate vicinity. The reason for protest is a film, with bits and pieces on YouTube,  that depicts the Islamic prophet Mohammad having sex and puts into question the prophets morals. I can understand their anger at this but what about when it was pointed out that Jesus of the Christian faith was probably sleeping with Mary Magdalene? Christians never almost started a war about it. I am not saying that Christians are without their faults (The Crusades ring a bell?) but it should put it into perspective. I can also say with full confidence that not every Muslim in the world is a right-wing nut job who only seeks to destroy the American Infidels (lived with the Afghan National Army for quite a while).

Why is this movie even being blamed on the United States when it supposedly originated in the Netherlands? Because of the below quote taken from the USA Today Article.

“Al Ahram online says the film is reportedly being produced by U.S.-based Coptic-Christian Egyptians, including Esmat Zaklama and Morees Sadek, with the support of the Terry Jones Church in the United States.”

Let that sink in for a little bit while I wait on this to unfold a little bit and glean some more information. I will update this when I get some more information.

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I have recently started brewing kombucha tea. If you don’t know what it is head over to Cultures for Health and educate yourself. Once I know that I have a successful batch I will put up a post about it. This attempt has also refueled this need that I have always felt to brew some good homemade adult beverages.

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