Moment by Moment

"Pizza Crust and Sippy Cup Communion"

2022-01-30T11:27:00.000-06:00

Caleb is 8 and he prayed and asked Jesus into his life in August. He wanted to ask Jesus into his life when he was 5 because his loving brother Matthew told him that if he did not he was going to HELL. (Nothing like a 7 year old brother with the gift of prophecy and tact.) Caleb didn't really have an understanding of Jesus, sin, salvation or hell when he was 5 so we encouraged him to wait and we prayed. A few weeks ago we had a "Celebrate Missions" service and at the end Matt and I were standing at the back aisle like we usually do. (Don't forget, we are one of those new fangled contemporary churches where we do everything a little different.)Caleb came walking back to us crying and said something was going on inside him and he didn't know what it was. He said, "I tell all my friends about Jesus and I share Jesus with everyone that I meet, but I don't have him inside of me." Matt encouraged him to pray and share his heart with the Lord and he did and it was precious. That night Caleb received the free gift of salvation and knew that he was not going to HELL! Jump Ahead To Tonight... Caleb had gone to bed and I heard from his room..."This is my body, which...I forgot that part...do this in remembrance of me. This is my sippy cup...do this in remembrance of me." Now before I go on some of you are stumped that an 8 year old has a sippy cup, but Hawkins House Rules state that no drinks are allowed in the back of the house unless they have a lid, so Caleb chose to bring a cup of water to bed with him. Don't spread this around, I wouldn't want to embarrass him. Anyway, I walked in his room to find him sitting in his bed eating pizza crust and drinking water from a sippy cup. I asked him what he was doing and he replied, "Practicing for when I get to take communion for the first time. But, I forget some of the parts." After confiscating the pizza crust (another one of the Hawkins' House Rules) I reminded him of the parts he was forgetting and we talked for just a moment more about communion. What stood out to me though, was the fact that so often we who have been believers for a long time take communion for granted. We go through the motions and we eat the bread and we drink the cup, but are we truly "Remembering" what Jesus did for us. Do we truly think about His broken body and His blood that was spilt. I think for me...if I truly thought more about that, I would live today differently. If I realized that His body was broken for my bad attitude and His blood was spilt for my careless words, I would live with an attitude of thankfulness and be more intentional about obedience. He endured the cross for My sins and your sins. It's not just grape juice and a stale cracker. It's remembrance! It's living as though we remember each day. Its remembering His body and His blood, even if its a "pizza crust and sippy cup communion." I Corinthians 11:24-26 "And when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, "This is my body, which is for you, do this in remembrance of me." In the same way, after supper he took the cup saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me." For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes."

Unspeakable Joy

2019-11-26T16:10:00.002-06:00

I had a conversation this week with someone very dear to my heart. As they tried to express their current spiritual and emotional coordinates I said, "Let me see if I can explain what you are feeling. Tell me if I am right or wrong. You feel very alone, even though you know there are people in your life that love you very much. You want to serve God and love Jesus with your whole heart but you get discouraged when you are struggling and those around you who are not serving Jesus seem to be sailing through life. You love people but you want to snap on them constantly as they squeeze your final nerve to death. You know in your heart that God has a purpose for your life but at the end of the day you wonder is it all worth it and you dread the thought of waking up tomorrow and doing it all again. You hear people talk about the joy of the Lord and you put on a smile and an "all is well" attitude but inside you are hurting and alone." The response of my dear friend was, "It is like you are actually inside of my brain. That was so spot on it is scary." How could I tune in to these exact feelings? Because I have been there. I have walked this road before on multiple occasions. Once I journeyed down this road after having my thyroid removed. Another time I found myself detouring down this road after having a baby and most recently I spent a month walking this road due to other factors. Have you been there? Can you relate? You want with all your heart to do the right thing, to obey God's word and to walk in His joy but you seem to have lost the understanding of the joy and the directions to finding it. I truly know that depression is a real thing and I have walked that road and taken medication to level serotonins in my brain. Don't be ashamed and don't neglect your mental health if medication is needed; however, at the end of the day medication can only do so much. The real journey to joy is found when we completely die to self, die to our will and die to our pride. My greatest joy is found when I am living each and every moment for the Glory of King Jesus. It is no secret that my life long dream was to marry a pastor, be a stay at home mom and have lots of kids. The Lord granted the desire of my heart but as the boys got older I continued to do laundry, cook, clean and wonder what my spiritual purpose was. Yes, I encouraged my husband. Yes, I trained and taught my boys the truth of scripture, but I knew I wasn't doing all that God had created me to do. He had given me the desires of my heart and I didn't want to change that, but why did I feel so disobedient and joyless. The Lord used my husband to push me back to something I had actually had nightmares about. I can remember waking up crying at the thought of going back into the classroom. How could God possibly call me to do something that made me fear and cry? He loved me. He wouldn't make me do something I hated. Kicking and screaming in my heart, I submitted to my husband's urging and I returned to the classroom. Guess what? I absolutely LOVE it. Why, because I died to self. It was no longer about me and what I wanted to do. It was and is about living each moment and each breath for the Glory of God. My prayer is to make much of His name and little of my own name. I had to let go of the pride that "I deserved to be a stay at home mom." I was home with my boys while they were growing up and I'm still home with them when they are home. The Lord created me for such a time as this to serve Him in a high school classroom. I didn't like high school or high school students when I was one so the irony is pretty remarkable. When we look outside of ourselves and let go of our own desires and wants and truly seek to die to self daily and serve Jesus with our whole heart, then and then alone will we experience true and unmistakable joy. I'm not saying everyone needs to teach in a classroom, but if you are living in the pit of self-pity, the depths of depression, the darkness of loneliness and the misery of a joyless existence remember that "Jesus is enough" is not simply a Christian cliche saying, it is the absolute total truth. Strip away every desire and dream you have and ask Him to redirect your steps and show you how He wants to use you for His Glory. As you serve Him from glory to glory He will fill you with such an unmistakable joy that the only explanation will be Jesus.

Just keep running, running, running!

2019-06-18T22:41:00.001-05:00

Believe it or not there have been times in my life that I exercised regularly and actually enjoyed it. As a matter of fact, 6 years ago, at the age of 40 I actually jogged a 10K. That is 6.2 miles. GO ME! While I was training for that event I was running every day. Some days they were long runs and other days they were short runs, but I was faithful to hit the pavement. Until a few weeks ago I have not had much of an interest in running, well my boys call it waddle jogging, but alas it was moving faster than a walk. A few weeks ago I actually felt so out of shape and tired that I truly thought I would drop dead if I walked around the block, but I made an intentional decision to "get back in shape." I didn't say what shape, but I want my heart to be happy and healthy and I want to have energy and be able to do active things without being afraid of keeling over. So, on a Tuesday afternoon, I pulled out my running shoes, downloaded the Couch to 5K app on my phone and set out on a quest to love exercise again. Each day that I purposed in my heart to accomplish this goal I remembered why I loved it and I also was reminded of the things I needed to throw off. I can't exercise in a normal t-shirt. It is heavy and humid and weighs me down. I need dri-fit or sleeveless shirts. I also can't carry a bottle of water with me as I jog. It is a distraction. I need to listen to upbeat praise and worship music and sing along in order for my heart to be focused on Jesus and for my breathing to stay consistent as I sing. I had to throw things off and pick new things up as I went. Does this sound familiar? "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2 To run with perseverance means to keep going and keep doing something even when it is difficult, even when you can't do as much as you thought or the success you had hoped for is delayed, you keep going. Sometimes I set a goal of the next mailbox or the light pole up ahead, if I can run to that point I will walk for a few minutes. Then I set a new goal, but the key is to keep going. Have you every been there is your walk with Jesus? Maybe you look back at a time when you were excited about following Jesus, you walked closely with Him and you were seeing the results in the fruit of your life. Maybe you have become sluggish, lazy and feel out a shape spiritually and you need to fall in love with Jesus all over again. What do you do? You get up, you spend time in the word, you talk to Him, you sing praises to Him and you ask Him to fill you with His presence, but you don't give up. You set goals by looking at behaviors and thought processes in your life and you ask the Lord to help you meet those goals. "Lord, help me to love others the way you love without a critical spirit." "Lord, help me guard my tongue and only speak words that are pleasing to you." "Lord, help me to decrease so that you may increase." You throw off those things that you know will hinder your running towards Him. Throw off the negative attitude. Throw off the unforgiveness and anger. Set aside the people that are negative influences and run on the paths that encourage you to keep running towards Jesus. Maybe you have never even attempted to join the race. Maybe you have never been transformed by the power of Jesus. The first time I started running, people in my life started saying, "What are you doing? You look so good and seem to have so much energy." They noticed a difference. Maybe you have seen a difference in others, in the way they serve, in the way they love and in their attitude of constant joy and peace and you are wondering, "What have they done?" They have surrendered their lives to the forgiveness of Jesus and He has transformed them from the inside out. I never thought I would like running. It looked painful. I thought it was for those exercise nuts. I remember saying I wouldn't run unless someone was chasing me and then I ran. I tried it for myself and I loved it. Yes, I slowly got out of shape because I quit making it a priority in my day, but when I determined to run again, I remembered what I was missing and how great I felt. Tonight one of my boys said, "Mom, you seem to have more energy and you seem more alive. What's going on?" As happy as I was that he noticed and as honored as I was by his compliment, his earlier words of, "Mom, I don't know if you are getting wiser or if the older I get I am just more open to listen, but you share great wisdom with me and it makes so much sense." I want to be healthy and be able to walk up a flight of stairs without panting like my puppy, but more importantly, I want my children to see their mom pursuing Jesus with a tenacity and determination that never tires and never quits. I Timothy 4:8 For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come."

Embracing the Fingerprints on the Fish Bowl

2019-03-12T20:49:00.001-05:00

Children grow up playing hide and seek, school and house and while I played all of these things as a child, I also played church. My brother was on the piano and I often had “a word from the Lord” for the dolls, stuffed animals and pretend congregations that filled the living room. When you grow up as a PK (preacher’s kid) you mimic what you see. I loved playing church. I loved picking out worship songs, greeting church members, praying with them, and teaching them the word of God. It came as no real shock when at the age of 15 I felt the Lord calling me into ministry. At that time, I wasn’t exactly sure how that would look but marrying a pastor was certainly part of my dream.

The life of pastors and politicians have been referred to as fish bowl lives because every move you make is under scrutiny and being examined with a microscope. As a child, I don’t remember living in a fish bowl. I am sure we did, but my parents did a good job shielding us for the criticism and the opinions of onlookers. I have extremely fond memories of growing up as a PK. We experienced baptisms in the bathtub, impromptu prayer meetings in the den, missionaries as guests and revivals where we witnessed the life changing power of Jesus Christ. As an adult, I am now aware of the many, many fingerprints and the tapping that occurred on the fish bowl of my childhood but the memories are not negative.

At the age of 22 I met a man who was called into ministry and the Lord in his sovereignty joined our hearts and our visions in ministry and matrimony. I soon found myself the wife of a pastor, a stay at home mom to 4 boys, driving a mini-van and living the dream. And truly most days were just that, a dream come true, but the reality of the ministry life is that we are living in a fish bowl. Every action, every word, every purchase, every vacation, every part of your life is being watched as those inside the church and those outside the church press their noses to the glass to watch. Sometimes that fish bowl feels very cramped and I long to swim in the open ocean far away from the view of onlookers. This longing is not born out of a need to do anything that is hidden, for all that I do is seen by my Savior and it is him I live to please, but I have days that the critical eyes and the piercing words are too much to bare. I am sure that it happens in other areas of life but I have never told my doctor how to do his job. Why? Because I am not a doctor. I have never shared my opinion of flying with a pilot and I certainly don’t tell our accountant how to do our taxes. I have never had the opportunity to vote on the pay or vacation time of a lawyer and truthfully if he wants to buy a new car or wear shoes that aren’t polished that is up to him. In ministry, there are so many that take an interest in every movement that occurs in the fish bowl. They can swim better, hide better, breathe better, interact with the other fish better and yet they have never spent one day in the fish bowl or even underwater. If you are in ministry you know the exact fingerprints I am referring to. Now before I get accused of sounding bitter or angry in ministry let me change directions. Yes, there are those rare days when I want to escape the fish bowl, but the Lord has been molding and shaping my heart and teaching me how to “Embrace the fingerprints on the fish bowl.”

Embrace has been defined as holding closely as a sign of affection. It is the picture of enthusiastically and willingly clasping to your bosom that which you want to take to heart. When you embrace you accept wholeheartedly what is being offered. To embrace the fingerprints on the fish bowl is to welcome and accept the impressions of others, their mark on your life, their touch and even their peculiarities. In ministry, we are privileged to encounter many personalities and even more peculiarities. Embracing those differences is to welcome them and ask the Lord how He wants to use those people and their fingerprints or impressions on your life to make you more like Him. Our goal is to become more like Jesus each and every day. Just as Paul said, “I want to know Christ, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his suffering, becoming like him in his death and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.” Philippians 3:10-11 we too should desire to know Jesus in every aspect of His being. Sometimes the fingerprints are impressions left there by those who want to see how they can bless you and enrich your life while others are there to critic and condemn, but if received with the right heart those impressions can also be blessings. It is through those hard times that we learn how to love as Christ loved and He uses those trials of the heart to make us more like Himself.

All of mankind consists of broken people. That is why ministry is necessary. Without the brokenness caused by our sin, we would have no need for the redemption of a Savior. We minister to share the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We minister to proclaim His love and His message and didn’t He love the unlovable? Even me? I don’t press my nose against others fish bowls very often, rarely do I even peer into the glass, sometimes because of the lack of transparency but mostly because “my opinion of you is none of your business.” My “opinion” of you honestly doesn’t matter, but HIS opinion of you does. Since HE is the only one who matters, my one and only goal is to point you to Jesus. When you know Jesus, you know Truth. When you live according to the truth and live to please an audience of ONE, then it doesn’t matter who is peering in your bowl because HIS opinion is the only one that matters.

It has taken many years, but I have learned to embrace each unique and peculiar fingerprint. I have learned to trace the individual impression that each identifying mark leaves behind and ask the Lord, “What were you teaching me with this one? And how can I become more like you because of this one?” I have developed a heart of gratitude (most days) as I realize that each marking, unique to the individual, were all a part of my sanctification process. The more fingerprints, the more opportunities to grow and allow the Lord to purify my heart. Some days I would like to cry out, “Are you done yet?” but I know the answer before the question is fully formed. “No, not yet.” And that will continue to be the answer until the Lord Jesus returns to call me home to Heaven.

I don’t know where you are today. Maybe you are in the ministry and weary of all the fingerprints, maybe you serve the Lord in another area and the criticism is too much to bare or maybe you aren’t involved in ministry, yet you feel like the fish bowl of your life has become an observation deck, take heart today and ask the Lord how He could use each fingerprint, each pressed nose and each on looking eye to show you more of Himself. Usually people stop looking in the fish bowl when the fish are belly up. If they are looking it means there is still something to see and your life can be a beautiful testimony of a life lived, molded and shaped to bring glory and honor to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.

I Thessalonians 2:8 "So we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well."

SEX - What's the big deal?

2019-02-28T19:57:00.001-06:00

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I heard a story about a small village where vicious crocodiles inhabited a nearby lake. The people of this village were terrified of the crocodiles and would not dare to speak of them. There were regular crocodile attacks causing severe injuries to the villagers. The crocodiles would approach the land and drag babies and children into the water. They would rip off limbs and leave women as widows and men as single dads. Daily the crocodiles claimed the lives of children, adults and destroyed families but no one wanted to talk about the crocodiles. A man visiting this village noticed the mass destruction and yelled out that “the crocodiles are killing and destroying your village.” The villagers silenced the man and said, “We don’t speak about the crocodiles.”

Just as the crocodiles were destroying this village so too is sex destroying our society. Sex is killing our babies, destroying marriages and taking lives daily. Why have we allowed this to happen? Sex is talked about in the movies we watch, the television shows that entertain us, the commercials, on Netflix, Hulu and You-tube, the books we read, our magazines, newspaper articles, music videos, songs, raps, billboards and advertisements, Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook and Tik Tok, the actions of our friends, our parents, our teachers, our coaches, politicians, and even our celebrity heroes. Sex is talked about all day long in every situation but the church for the most part has remained silent on the subject for fear of offending people with the word “sex.” My oldest son took a stand for purity from the stage of a church and his words were shocking even though his message was truth and biblically sound. It ruffled a few feathers, but I would argue that it is time to ruffle feathers within our world. When millions of babies are being killed because parents didn’t count the cost before gratifying the cravings of their sinful nature, when adults are abandoning their spouses and children after they took a vow to be a family, when parents are teaching their children to be people of their word yet they lie, cheat and sleep around, when teachers, coaches and even some pastors call you to a code of ethics and a life of responsibility yet their very actions defy their teaching, when celebrities claim to be worthy of the title of role model yet the branches of their offspring outweigh the stability of their trunk and the spelling of their diseases are beyond their education it is TIME to ruffle some feathers by speaking out on the subject of sex.

Statistics tell us that students have had their first kiss by the age of 12. Only 13% of 20 year olds are still virgins. Men will have an average of 14.14 sexual partners in their lifetime and women will have an average of 7.12 sexual partners in their lifetime. In the year 2018 60% of marriages ended in divorce and 2 out of every 5 couples that walk through the doors of the church every Sunday end up in divorce court.

As a high school teacher, I have students that tell me, “Having sex before marriage is not wrong. It used to be wrong back in the Bible days but that doesn’t apply anymore.” This philosophy follows suit with our society’s actions. They believe this to be true because it falls in line with what they see. We tell our children and our teenagers, “Do as I say, not as I do,” when we know the reality is children mimic what they see. Watch your young toddler or child and you will see that they mimic phrases, expressions and the behaviors of those around them. We must set the standard before our children that we expect them to follow and that standard must be formed according to the truth of scripture. Too often we allow our culture and our circumstances to determine our standards instead of allowing the Word of God to be our standard and lining our cultural exposure and our convictions up with that standard.

If the rules, standards and convictions of your family are thought of as strange, REJOICE, you are probably doing something right. If you blend in, look like every other family, can compare notes or fall into one of the statistics categories then it is time to ask why?

We see so many who are having children out of wedlock, women aborting babies because “that” wasn’t the plan and children who are being torn between the homes of two parents because someone else looked more appealing or differences couldn’t be overcome. I recently heard a young person say, “I have 14 siblings on my dad’s side but they have 5 moms and I have 10 siblings on my mom’s side and they have 5 dads.” Think about that for just a moment and ask yourself the question, “When did we lose the sanctity of the marriage bed?” Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”

Who is teaching our young people the truth about love, sex and relationships? Do you want the cold, hard truth? WE ARE! We are allowing the world to speak louder than the Word. As our world desensitizes us to sexual sins, even we as believers have ceased to be shocked unless we hear it mentioned in church. It is less shocking to find out that a family member is having a baby out of wedlock than it is to hear a young believer address sexual sins from the pulpit. This is a heart breaking and a disgusting reality. Even within the church we find appalling statistics of youth who have engaged in sexual behaviors. Even those who claim the name of Christ try to see how far they can go without falling off the ledge.

My oldest son reminded me of an analogy that puts this into perspective. You are in need of transportation down a very steep mountain. These roads have no guardrails and the streets are very near the mountain’s edge. As you interview taxi drivers to see who you will entrust your dangerous route to you ask this question, “How close to the edge do you drive?” Driver one says, “I like to drive fast and as close to the edge as I can so I can have a good view of all the scenery.” Driver two says, “I drive pretty fast and try to keep it somewhere in the middle occasionally looking over the edge for a quick glance.” Driver three confesses, “I don’t drive real fast and I stay as close to the mountainside as I can but I assure you I will deliver you safely and the view of this majestic mountain will be worth it once you reach your destination.” Now tell me, which driver would you choose to take you to the bottom of the mountain? When the loss of your life is at stake, staying far away from the edge seems like the only reasonable option. The misuse of sex is just as deadly. Our society is dying. We lose lives to sexually transmitted diseases and abortions but we also experience the death of families, friendships and the ultimate joy that a life lived according to the Word of God can bring. So many exchange the pleasure of the moment for the heartache of a life lived outside of the will of God.

In a world where we have exchanged the truth of God for a lie and the devil is working at every turn to blind our eyes from the truth even those who claim to be believers in the Lord Jesus take scripture out of context to make it fit their situations. To say that you “know” Jesus and you are going to Heaven because you warm a section of the pew on Sunday yet you reject the truth of His word and live according to your own standards only confirms that you are deceived and the truth does not live within you. This is not said in hate or judgement but spoken out of the truth of scripture. “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you workers of lawlessness” This verse of scripture is not meant to evoke fear in the heart of believers but instead it is meant as a heart examination. Do you claim His name by your words only or is your heart surrendered to Him? When our hearts truly belong to Him we will DO THE WILL OF OUR FATHER and His will is found in His word. Study His word and do what it says out of an overflow of the love you have for Him in your heart and life.

So, what will we do with Sex? How can we make this gift a sacred act between one man and one woman within the bond of marriage? The first step is total and complete surrender to the Lord Jesus Christ. When He has total control of your life and you are seeking to obey and please Him in all things your life and convictions will line up with the truth of scripture. When this happens, you learn to die to selfish desires and say yes to holiness and live according to the standards of the Word of God. When our hearts are surrendered to Jesus we are convicted and sorrowful when we are tempted to sin or involved in sin. Second, if you claim the name of Jesus then set your standards according to His Word. Don’t see how close to the mountain’s edge you can get but seek how you can please your Savior and obey Him with a heart of love. Lastly, be bold and courageous in your teaching and in your rebuke. The church of the Lord Jesus Christ should speak loudly and stand clear on this topic. Don’t shy away from the truth. Don’t live in fear of being different but embrace the difference that comes from scripture and in love go to your brothers and sisters in Christ and show them the truth of scripture. Young people, write down your convictions according to scripture and ask 2 or 3 people you trust to hold you accountable and ask you regularly if you are living according to biblical convictions in your relationships.

If indeed crocodiles were invading our communities, killing children and destroying families we would be bold and courageous in warning others, in containing the danger and in seeing that the crocodiles were stopped. Let’s shut the mouths of this dangerous crocodile we call sex and keep it caged within the safety of marriage where it can be enjoyed and appreciated just the way God designed it to be.

I would be amiss if I didn’t end with grace. We are all sinners and we make mistakes. We are all in need of the forgiveness of our Savior. The gift of grace means that when we confess our sins to our Savior he forgives us and remembers our sins no longer. True repentance means we turn and go in the opposite direction. When we sin and we are convicted of that sin we ask for forgiveness and we walk in the opposite direction of our sin. To abuse grace is to continually commit the same sin over and over again asking for and expecting forgiveness with no desire to ever change that behavior. At this point you need to examine your heart and ask yourself if indeed you have ever surrendered your life to the Lord Jesus. I John 3:6 “No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.” We go on to read in I John 3:9 “Anyone born of God refuses to practice sin, because God’s seed abides in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God.” Scripture makes it clear that if we truly know Him and Jesus is truly our Savior, we will not purposefully choose sin and we will recognize within our spirit’s the conviction of that sin and desire to turn from it and seek forgiveness. Yes, my friend, there is forgiveness of sin and we are all in need of the amazing grace that only Jesus can provide but a life that is truly surrendered to Jesus will be the life that thankfully and humbly receives that grace and allows the spirit of God to change you from within so that your words, attitudes and actions are an overflow of the sweet spirit that dwells within the heart of every true believer.

When we decide to live a life that follows the one we claim to know, we will begin to slay those crocodiles one at a time and take back our babies, our children, our teenagers, our marriages and ultimately our villages in the name of Jesus Christ and claim purity in His name living victoriously according to His word.

"The Waves of Your Words"

2018-09-26T14:56:00.000-05:00

I love to vacation at the beach. My favorite time of day is late afternoon when the crowd has cleared away and I can sit at the shore and read my favorite book. Sometimes I get distracted and I begin to make drip castles in the sand. A drip castle is made from very wet sand and is dripped layer upon layer to create a unique masterpiece. Inevitably about the time I finish my creation, a wave reaches my location and wipes away all my hard work. The waves before would threaten to do the same but not succeed, but this one, this one destroys my creation and I must start from the bottom and build it up once again. Have you ever noticed that negative words are much like waves. They continue to threaten over and over again until they finally reach the intended target and destruction occurs. Maybe you didn't mean for the target to ever hear what you said, but it makes its way to them nonetheless. Maybe through the chain of what the Bible says are gossips or maybe it is overheard from a hallway, from around a corner or one aisle over at Walmart. "Oh be careful little mouth what you say." I have recently been on the destruction end of many careless words. They pierce, they hurt and they discourage. Sometimes these words are spoken by sharp tongued individuals who speak before they pray and their insensitive comments pierce like a dart to the very core of your being. Other times they are words spoken out of critical spirits or "harmless" opinion. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, right? Wrong, according to scripture, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29 If you claim the name of Christ this verse applies to you. Is what I am saying helpful? Does it build others up? Does it benefit those who are hearing my voice? If the answer is no then KEEP SILENT. I have been guilty so many times of speaking words that are not helpful and do not build up those around me. The Holy Spirit is so quick to convict me and send me to make right the wrong that I have spoken. I am so thankful for the Holy Spirit living within me and allowing me to say no to sin and yes to Jesus. James 1:26 "Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless." A good test of your heart is to see how quickly the conviction comes when your words are careless. When was the last time you apologized to someone for the hurtful words that came out of your mouth. When was the last time you walked away from a group or called that group out because of the reckless words they were speaking. I understand that we live in a mean and cruel world, but when those who claim the name of Christ are as guilty of hurtful words as those who do not know Christ, it is time for we as believers to practice gentle rebuke. "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this SHOULD NOT BE." James 3:9-10 We as believers in the Lord Jesus Christ should look different, act different and speak different. How will this world ever see the hope and difference that Jesus can make if those of us who claim His name are not set apart? We should be a light in a dark world. Scripture says, "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:6 Our conversations should be a blessing to others. We should enhance the lives of the people around us with the words that we speak. "Lord Jesus, give us the grace and the strength to stand out and be separate from this world. Guard our tongues, Lord Jesus, that we might speak only words that reflect your honor and glory and let us remember that we have the choice to NOT be offended when others wrong us with their actions and words. Allow us to live our lives seeking to please you and you alone. When we seek to please you and you alone, it doesn't matter what others say or think about us. Grant us grace to forgive others when they wrong us and bring quick conviction to our hearts when we wrong others. May we speak with wisdom and may faithful instruction always be on our tongues. For your kingdom's glory. Amen."

Freedom

2015-01-04T00:40:00.000-06:00

It was Christmas Day. The presents were wrapped, the pies were made and it was time to sit down for the Christmas feast. Pappy headed down the hill on the dirt road to let the rest of the family know it was time to celebrate. He waved at the man walking up the hill thinking it was Junior, but when both hands went up in surrender he realized it was not his brother in law but a fugitive of the law instead. Not an uncommon occurence since his daddy was a prison guard and the maximum security prison we literally over the river and through the woods. The fugitive assured him he would cause no trouble but instead wanted a ride back to the prison for his escape had turned out to be a mistake. On Christmas Eve the idea of escape and freedom had been overwhelming and he had decided that all he wanted for Christmas was freedom. Freedom from his lot in life. Freedom from facing the consequences of his actions. Freedom sounded wonderful, but after spending a cold, dark night in the woods he realized he was not truly free, but just in bondage to new obstacles. Now he wanted to go back. Pappy walked him up the hill to the house and agreed to take him back but not until the family had finished their lunch and exchanged their gifts. Pulling up a chair in typical family fashion they had a guest for Christmas dinner that year. When the last gift had been opened the time came for their new friend to return to his prison. Taking one last piece of pie for the road he ate slowly as they drove, savoring every morsel. The closer they came to their destination he began to ask, " Can you please drive just a little slower?" He had tasted true freedom that day and he wanted it to linger. He was in no hurry to return to the life his choices had made for him. He wanted freedom and not the freedom his life could offer or create for himself, but true freedom. He wanted freedom with frills. He wanted the gifts, the friends, the family and the pie. He didn't want to hide away looking over his shoulder, but he wanted complete and total freedom. He had tasted it and it was good but it was too late. The decision had been made. His course was set and freedom was not an option. Have you ever longed to be free? I mean truly free! Free for fear, free for worry, free from the strongholds that pull you down, free from the struggles and bondage that grip your life. Freedom cannot be simulated. Freedom is a choice. Freedom comes when we make the choice to follow Jesus each and every day. John 8:36 says, "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." I received the ability to walk in freedom 36 years ago when I trusted Jesus as my Savior but I have not always walked in freedom. It has been my choice. It was and is a choice that is made daily. Psalms 119:55 says, "I will walk in freedom because I have sought your precepts." As I seek and know his word I know how I am to think, speak, act and react. Knowing his truth is freedom. Walking in His way is freedom. My theme for the year 2015 is "Walk in freedom." I want to know his word and walk in freedom. Freedom from worry, freedom from the need to please others, freedom from fear, freedom from self, freedom from sin. Not a freedom that I try to create but a true freedom than can only come from following Jesus with reckless abandonment. Not a freedom that I savor for a moment for fear that it will soon end, but a freedom that is certain, a freedom that is eternal. 2 Corinthians 3:17-18, " Now The Lord is the Spirt and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. And we who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, as being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory which comes from The Lord who is the spirit." I want to be transformed into his image. I want to reflect His glory in all that I do. Living and playing for an audience of ONE! Walking in Freedom, that is my hearts desire.

Standing In The Gap

2014-09-05T14:39:00.000-05:00

Writing is a great passion of mine but for a season The Lord has called me to help those I love seek after their passions, so I have taken a break. I think we are approaching a "settled" life if that is possible with 4 boys playing 4 sports and learning to bloom in a new community. All this change has brought about much joy but also many struggles. As I have sought The Lord in dealing with these new life and parenting struggles he continually brings me to Ezekiel 22:30 "I looked for someone among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found no one." I have been called to intercede on behalf of my husband and children like never before. Intercede- Go Between. When building a brick wall the mortar goes between the bricks to bind the bricks together and strengthen them. Without the mortar "going between" the wall would collapse. The easiest way to break down a wall is to start where the mortar is weak. "This" is what the enemy is looking for. He studies our children and he knows their weaknesses. Where will they compromise? Where is the easiest, most vulnerable attack? Guess what? As their mom I see those areas too. Why? Because I study my children. The Lord has called me to "stand in those gaps" on behalf of my children. To pray for those specific areas. To keep HIS word ever before them concerning those weaknesses. Intercession is to fill in those gaps in our children's spiritual armor and hold them up so the enemy can't gain an advantage. Mom can't fix it all. Mom can't make it all better or even make all the bad go away, but Mom CAN pray, interceding on behalf of my children. I can hold their arms up in praise when they are weary. I have recently seen this first hand. One of our boys has had a really hard time with moving so far from friends and family. He struggled for quite some time, then I suddenly noticed a huge change is his attitude and countenance. I asked him if he knew what caused the sudden change. He responded, "The only thing that is different is that I have been praying more." Circumstances had not changed but he was praying and I was praying. I confess that as his mood improved I directed my prayers in a different direction and he too decreased his pleas to The Lord. About a week ago I noticed he was very depressed, teary and just plain miserable. I returned to the gap, asked others to pray and challenged him to seek The Lord. At the time he was too discouraged to lift his hands in prayer. Ever been there? I have. Those of us who know him well, who can see the weak spots began to intercede. The Lord opened up many opportunities for me to hang out with precious young man. We talked, we cried, we shared scripture and we prayed. Last night he came to me and said, "I know God is working because there is nothing else to explain it. Today I have been overcome with joy. It has to be God." Yes, my son, it HAS to be God. Only God can create beauty from ashes. Only God can turn our sorrow into joy. Only God! I realized that as a parent we cannot, we must not move away from the gaps in the wall. We must stand guard and intercede on behalf of our children to protect them from the enemy as the walls of their lives are being built. They are in a battle each and every day and we must commit to standing on the front lines FOR THEM. We know them, sometimes better than they know themselves, so we know how to pray. It is our joy and privilege to lift our children up, to stand in the gap for them as God grows these precious boys into mighty men of God. He is looking for ONE who will stand in the gap. Will YOU be that one for your children?

"Run to Obey"

2013-07-21T20:08:00.000-05:00

Earlier this week Matt was in the back of the house and he called, “Jacob, could you please come here.” Jacob quickly jumped up to run to his daddy but as he ran back I heard him say, “Yes sir, am I in trouble?” He was not in trouble. His daddy just wanted to show him something, but he was quick to obey. Actually, he ran to obey. For years I have told my children, “Run to obey.” That is a phrase used quite often in my parenting vocabulary. Jacob was not sure what his daddy wanted but he ran to obey. I wish I could say that I always set that example for my children as I run to obey my Father, but I have not. God has been working in my heart and Matt’s heart for a few months. We knew what it was leading up to but we continued to question...”Why Lord?” “How Lord?” “What then Lord?” As we waited and waited the stirring grew greater and greater. We could hear His voice but we were certain He would not call us to blindly obey. Not this time. We have 4 children, we have people that depend on us, there are people that will be hurt and even disappointed in us. “Lord, it will make more since if you just tell us what and why.” BUT GOD said, “Obey and I will show you the next step.” I heard it clearly but decided to keep it a secret. Maybe I wasn’t really hearing His voice and after all I have to submit to my husband. That was my spirit of justification that sounded very spiritual. About 2 weeks ago Matt heard the same voice and same word...”Obey and I will show you the next step.” I wanted to stomp and say “Dog gone it. It was His voice.” But as I heard my husband pour his heart out to me I knew we had heard the voice of our God clearly and I knew what we had to do. Wow! This was going to be hard. The next day Matt obeyed and I cheered him on. So many things are uncertain and there are so many things that don’t make since, but I trust my Savior and I want to run to obey Him. I knew we would disappoint those that we love and others would just be hurt or even mad, but Matt’s response, “I would rather disappoint the world than disobey my Savior.” As we were sharing our hearts with our children Caleb said, “Well the Lord has spoken and we obey. We NEVER disobey our Lord.” The fact that my 12 year old has that messaged inscribed upon his heart blesses my soul and I pray that as he watches his daddy lead by example that he will become a man who is just as obedient. Sometimes God calls us to obey even when it does not make sense to us. My heart holds firm to the fact that He sees tomorrow clearer than we see today and He works all things for our good and His glory. I do not walk forward in fear but in confidence. I am emotional, but I am excited. He is my refuge and strength and He does not delay. His peace reigns in our hearts and my time with Him is even more precious knowing that I have RUN TO OBEY.

"Changing Normal"

2012-10-21T18:05:00.001-05:00

The lives we live here in the year 2012 are anything but normal. They have become "accepted" thus seeming very normal, but there is nothing "normal" about parents working 12 hour days, children caring for themselves, children spending every night at athletic events, 1 night a week around the dinner table as a family and only seeing our children for an hour and a half each day. It has at times and for a season become necessary, but it is not normal. IF this is normal, I don't want to be normal. Our society has accepted this way of life and from where I stand it is a trap. One that we have found ourselves caught in. Please hear my heart, what I am about to say is not easy and it is not my intent to ask or insinuate that you should change your normal. Recently the Lord has called Matt and I to a place of evaluation. We have taken some time to evaluate each of our children, our schedule and our family life. During this time of evaluation we have become convicted that it is time to change the Hawkins normal. With four boys we understand that life is going to be busy and we love everything that we do, but a few months ago it hit us that we have 5 years left with Matthew under our roof. Matt came to me and this is what he said, "I have five years left to train Matthew up in righteousness and holiness and to impart Godly wisdom to him and teach him what it means to be a man of God. I have 5 years left to cast a vision for the kingdom of God into his heart and to teach him what it means to be a man of character and integrity and a Godly husband and father. I can't do that in a hour and a half a day. It is time we as a family make a difference for the kingdom of God." His words were such a confirmation because God had been weaving these same thoughts into the tapestry of my heart. We prayed for a month and discussed what this "change" would look like for our family. The Lord impressed on both of our hearts that it was time for the Hawkins to "rest and know that HE is God." For a season, we are resting from ALL extra curricular activities. We have to work, we have to go to school and we get to go to church. Aside from those commitments we will be focusing on what it means to be a family and how we as a family can serve each other and our community. I love watching Matt's excitement as he plans family service projects, family fun nights, family trips and devotions. I know what you are thinking? What do the boys think about this? At first the two oldest were not thrilled and are still trying to respectfully accept this change, but I shared with them, this is not just a good idea or thought or something we want to "try." This is a matter of obedience. The Lord himself has called OUR FAMILY to this place and we MUST obey. If it were just an idea or a thought I would be walking forward with fear and trembling afraid I was setting my children up for a life of therapy, but knowing it is a God Calling on our life I am excited and can't wait to watch and see what He will do during this change. I tell my children often, "I am more concerned with your character than with your comfort and fun." I want you to know that we have awesome children. They love the Lord and they are very good boys, but I can see glimpses of this world weaseling its way into their lives. I see things of this world becoming important to them. I see their identity becoming defined by the sport they play and the opinions of their friends. When those things become evident it is time for a change. God's word tells us that we are to be "in the world, but not of the world." We are to "step out and be separate." The time we have with our children is fleeting. We blink and they are grown and gone. We are stewards but for a time. I want to know that I have done all I can do to teach them, show them and train them to love Jesus with all their heart, soul and mind. This is just for a season. (or so we think!) We must obey! Pray for our family as we walk this road of obedience. Pray that we honor the Lord in ALL we do.

When fear creeps in...

2012-07-26T00:09:00.000-05:00

Writing and blogging are definitely on my list of loves, but in recent months that plate quit spinning and fell to the ground while I have frantically tried to keep the rest spinning. Exercising is actually the plate that is spinning out of control and I have lost 40lbs and have become an avid runner. Last night I decided I would run to Matt's office which is just over 1.5 miles away. I set out with the intention of a mild run and decided to turn left instead of right which meant 1.5 turned into 3.8 and light turned to dark before I reached Matt's office. I was faced with a choice. I could take the high traffic road with cars and homes and people or I could take the road less traveled and continue my peaceful run. As my feet pounded against the dirt and the sun set before me I was more than happy with my plan. About 1/2 mile down the dirt road I realized that darkness was approaching fast and would arrive before I reached my destination. I started getting nervous and running faster. My cell phone went dead and it dawned on me that no one knew my route. FEAR overtook my thoughts. I knew where I was going and I knew how to get there, but fear of the unknowns along the way took the joy out of my run. Does this sound familiar? Can you relate? Do you know where you are going? Do you know how to get there? Do the fears and unknowns of this life ever rob you of your joy in the race? With joy gone and 1/2 mile left to run I decided I needed protection. I found a large stick (well maybe it was a limb) on the edge of the road. It was very much like a double edged sword. It was a large limb in the shape of a Y and it took both hands to carry it. At this point I was no longer running towards my destination, I was walking slowly, cautiously and my focus was on my surroundings, NOT on my destination. The sword brought a sense of safety but still uncertain as to what I would do with it if danger approached, I needed more. I began to sing and sing loud. Caleb said "Mom, I can see you walking with a big stick and singing 'I will sing of my redeemer, lift my voice to praise the Lord..." I love that he knows me so well. That is exactly what I was singing. I had my "sword" and His words of praise were on my lips and then I saw the light. I recognized the lamp light that is stationed right outside of Matt's office. When I saw the light my fears were lifted. GONE. I knew my destination was close. I could run again. I held on to my sword and I continued to sing and my joy returned. So what happened? The same thing that happens in our spiritual lives every day. We know our destination and we know how to get there. HE has given us His word as our sword and the guaranteed Holy Spirit within us to be our song and our source of joy and conviction, but unknowns creep in causing us to take our eyes off of the prize. We become distracted and are robbed of the joy of walking with Him daily. Too often we wait until we are afraid, worried or overwhelmed to pick up our sword or to worship Him. Keeping our eyes on Him, staying in His word and living our lives in praise to Him as we worship in spirit and in truth will keep the joy alive as we run this race. Perseverance in the key. Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run^(A) with perseverance^(B) the race marked out for us,²fixing our eyes on Jesus,^(C) the pioneer^(D) and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross,^(E) scorning its shame,^(F) and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.^(G) ³Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary^(H) and lose heart. Hebrew 12:1-3

"Blessed to be Bullied"

2012-03-20T08:04:00.004-05:00

Bullying has become rampant in our schools today. There are seminars, letters and e-mails in masses each year discussing how to handle bullies and how bullying will not be tolerated and yet it happens. I'm not so sure it is anymore rampant today than it was when we were young, I just think we had the freedom to handle it differently without the added threat and fear of losing out lives whether from a gun shot, a drawn knife or the school administration. Children use to handle bullying in the front yard as they scuffled and fought for respect on the ground. Parents made their stance on bullying clear behind the wood shed and principals possessed the authority and the paddle that put a stop to it on school property. Now we have law suits and "rights" that protect and prevent us from dealing with bullying.

Recently bullying reared its ugly head at the Hawkins home and we were forced to figure out where we stood on the issue. Matthew is 12 and in middle school. He is an easy target for bullies. He is an atypical preteen. He make all A's and his goal is averages 96 or higher. He sits on the front row, pays attention, is polite to teachers, nice to everyone, treats girls with respect and minds his own business. The target is drawn in vivid colors on his back and I am proud. Matthew has said for years that he is different, but he doesn't mind being different. Matthew is also tough and never cries. He handles most any situation on his own and not much seems to get to him. For this reason, when he broke the other night in front of me and his dad, I knew there was something bigger than a brain tumor going on. He has walked thru so many trials and health issues with not a question or a tear, but whatever was bothering him was deep and he was struggling. It took about 30 minutes of coaxing to discover that Matthew was the target of a group of bullies. He was being called names, laughed at, made fun of and unwelcome to sit with his "friends." He was told that no one liked him, he was gay, he was stupid, he was ugly, he was fat and people only pretended to be his friend, among other things that I don't feel appropriate for a public blog. As he sat on the den floor pouring his heart out to us about this month long ordeal he asked, "How can I be a Godly young man and handle this in a way that honors Christ, but not get stepped on my whole life?" My advice was "Pray for your enemies, turn the other cheek and let me call their mommas." I received a resounding "NO mom this is my battle and I have to figure out how to deal with it." After processing the situation and listening to his son pour his heart out, his Godly daddy, his pastor says "Next time it happens, beat the tar out of him. Get in his face tell him to stop and if he doesn't flatten him to the ground." Matthew laughed, but looked surprised. I was MORTIFIED. I would never question my husband in the presence of my children, but NO, NO, NO. He can't fight. Later that evening I questioned, maybe even rebuked my husband for his advice and he said, "I know my son, I know he is not a fighter. He would never lay a hand on anybody, but he has to know that he can handle this and I have his back. He has to understand that being a Godly young man does not mean that you sit back and let people walk all over you and abuse you. He will do the right thing." I have complete and total trust in my husband, but this conversation increased my prayer life. All I could see was bloody noses, suspension and a reputation being scarred for life.

Matthew was in deep thought all weekend. It was obvious that he was processing and praying about what to do. He left on Monday morning with an apparent plan in his heart, but no words on his lips. I waited with baited breathe Monday afternoon. I refrained from approaching the bus stop, but I stood around the corner and watched as each neighbor child rounded the corner, but no Matthew. Oh, I wanted to run around the corner and see what was going on, but I waited. A few minutes later I could seem him rounding the corner with the same slow and steady gate he has had since he was a toddler. We walked inside and this is the story of how my son handled "bullying." "Mom, as we got off the bus I asked him if I could have a word with him. He said no and I told him that wasn't an option, that we needed to talk. He asked a friend to stay and go for help if it got ugly. Mom, this made me laugh inside because I wasn't going to hurt him. I said "I'm going to ask you nicely today to stop calling me names, stop making fun of me and stop be ugly to me. I'm asking nicely today, but if it doesn't stop I WILL put a stop to it. Do you understand? I want to be your friend, but this name calling stops today." Matthew said the young man immediately apologized and said it would not happen again. He went on to tell Matthew that there were others and what they were saying. Matthew politely said "Thank you letting me know and if I need to I will deal with that but today this is between you and me."

Matthew came home with his head held high and not another unkind word has been spoken to him by ANYONE. Now first let me say that Matthew is a big boy. He is 5'6 and weighs 150lbs. I wouldn't mess with him, but that day it was not the size of his body that demanded respect, it was his heart and his character. He took a stand. He did not use force, even though his daddy had freed him up if he felt threatened. Matthew spoke the truth in love and took a stand for truth. Matthew earned the respect of his peers that day. I have always had a great respect for my son, but that day I realized that my boy had become a man. He handled himself with integrity and dignity. I was still a little rattled at the advice his daddy had given him and I ask him, "Son, did you ever consider physical force." "No mom, I knew what daddy was doing. I would never fight someone unless it was in self defense. I knew daddy was just saying "Put a stop to it" and was freeing me up to not walk into the situation in fear." WOW! The wisdom of these men I live with astounds me.

Matthew took some huge steps that week as the Lord provided him with the opportunity to grow in grace and character. Even Jesus who walked without sin was persecuted and mistreated. He turned over tables and he rebuked in love. Bullies are no fun, but I am blessed that my son was bullied. He grew and his character was built and he is stronger in his faith because of it. Blessed to be bullied!!!

Going Home

2012-01-05T17:34:00.004-06:00

Home has been defined as "the place you live permanently." For years we have heard "home is where your heart is." Both definitions define why Grammie had been asking for over a week to "Go Home." Sometimes misunderstood by nurses, doctors and even family thinking she wanted to return to her earthly dwelling place, her heart ached for HOME. Since the age of 13 at a Methodist Youth Meeting she has had a full understanding and a longing for HOME. On that day over 60 years ago eternity was set within her heart and she knew that her permanent dwelling place was with her Savior. She did not know the time or the day that she would meet Him face to face, but she knew her destination and she stayed her course. She knew her calling and her mission and she was successful. She was called to be a loving wife to my precious Pappy. At the age of 15 as she sat across the library her heart fluttered each time he winked at her. She knew it was love when he brought her a gardenia on their first date and from that day forward gardenias became her favorite flower and Pappy the love of her life. To quote "The first important thing I did in my life was give my heart to Jesus at the age of 13 and second important thing I did was marry Pappy." She loved him so dearly and desired to make his home his own "little kingdom." "Little darlin" she would say "I always have his coffee made when he gets home and his supper too. I try to always have the house clean and all my chores done. My friends don't call when he is home and the T.V. is his and so am I. I devote my time to him when he is there." Wisdom from 58 years of a happy marriage. In later years I have always loved to hear about their date nights. They may have been together all the time and even eaten out together every day, but Saturday night was date night. Dressed a little nicer and eating a little fancier, but dating was important and they dated for 58 years. Her children were her pride and joy and she was a wonderful mother. She would do anything and everything for her children and she did. Love, care, forgiveness, mercy and grace were offered in multitude as she always pointed her children to the cross. Her one desire. She was their prayer warrior and she fought the battle on her knees. She was sensitive to the Holy Spirit and had a spirit of discernment about her, often times waking from a sound sleep to intercede on behalf of those she loved. Though Grandmother is the title often penned, she was my Grammie. Not just a title, but a name. A sweet, sweet name, "Grammie." Young enough to have been titled mother, she was a doting Grammie and the memories run deep and sweet. A legacy left as her gifts of hospitality, discernment, concern, prayer, cooking skills, cleaning standards and love are all sprinkled among her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. 2 children, 4 grandchildren and 11 great-grandchildren and yet many, many more have called her Grammie and have been touched by her life. She had the gift of serving and knowing where there was a need and meeting that need. She cared about people. Her life was about others as she ministered in His name. Her life has touched many, a legacy that I desire to pass on as well. She did not live for self, but for His kingdom. For over 60 years she lived, she planned, she prepared and she longed for her HOME and on Monday morning her Savior said "Well done my good and faithful servant." She met Him face to face. She was whole and complete and she was rewarded for a lifetime of obedience and service. Oh how the angels sang and rejoiced. As I drove to the hospital unaware that she was taking her last breathes the Lord brought a song to my heart that I had not sung in many years, but as she entered the kingdom, tears flowing and voice cracking I sang... "Oh what a day that will be when my Jesus I shall see. When I look upon His face, the one who saved me by His grace. Then He'll take me by the hand and lead me to the promised land. What a day glorious day that will be." And it was. She received her glorified body and her mission was complete. Now she can worship at His feet for all eternity. I can see her worshipping and praising now, because that is what she loved to do. Our finite, earthly minds and hearts have trouble wrapping our heads around the loss we feel and we struggle with our desire to wish she were here, but she has experienced the very presence of Jesus. She is HOME. She has found her permanent residence. Her longings and desires have become a reality. Oh what a legacy to follow. I yearn for Heaven. That is our HOME. That is where we belong. Those who have placed their faith and trust in the person of the Lord Jesus will one day share that permanent residence. He has placed eternity in the hearts of men and HE alone is our desire. Thank you Grammie for paving the road, for being the example, for modeling our purpose. May we run with the same perseverance as we finish our journey HOME.

Can You Hear Me Now?

2011-10-03T17:06:00.002-05:00

This morning I was watching cartoons with my favorite 4 year old. It has become a morning ritual that I cherish and savor. He wakes up, comes to the couch and says "Mommy, can we cuddle and watch cartoons?" This is my last year to enjoy these special moments since he starts kindergarten in the fall. For that reason my answer is always "Yes!" There is so much to be learned and so much to be taught if we keep our eyes and ears open and look for learning opportunities. This morning I heard a cartoon character say "They can't hear me over the sound of their own voices." WOW! It hit me like a ton of bricks. It was as though Jesus himself was speaking those very words to my soul as an answer to a series of repetitive questions. Why Lord? Why don't they follow you? Why are marriages falling apart? Why are your children living in disobedience? Why? And the whys continue...And the answer..."They can't hear me over the sound of their own voices." The answer makes me sit in silence as I digest what might very well be our demise. Our own voices. Not only the words spoken aloud, but the words that run through our minds. We talk and even when we aren't talking we are!! When was the last time you found a place of silence and solitude for your soul? When do we listen? We spend so much time entertained by music, movies, television, ipods, ipads, facebook, texts, facetime, skype and anything else that can fill the silence with word and thought. And yet "We can't hear Him over the sound of our own voices." Yes, we read His letter of love to us, but has it become Caleb's definition of reading, "Just looking at words on a page." His word is living and active. It is alive and meets us at our point of need, but we must first be silent. We must listen for His voice. For His voice to be found ours must be silent. Are you seeking an answer from your Savior? Are their questions and concerns that plaque your soul? Do you cry out and wonder if your voice is being heard? Silence! He speaks..."Be still and know that I am God."

"Overwhelmingly Grateful"

2011-09-02T20:16:00.004-05:00

I am normally a woman of many words as you may know by now but tonight I will keep it short and simple. Today there are many words that ALL define the attitude of my heart. I was blessed today with some much needed one on one conversation with my husband and we were both overwhelmed with the same gratefulness of heart. It is a message of thanksgiving that the Lord has been inscribing on both of our hearts this week... OUR CHILDREN! They are boys. They are human. They are young and they are A BLESSING! We were also overwhelmed with the understanding today that they are HIS. We can take no credit for who they are or who they are becoming. It is ALL for Him and for His glory. I boast about my children only in the Name of Jesus and boasting about what He has done in their lives. Children are a blessing. Teach them to love Jesus. Train them in righteousness. Love them unconditionally. Discipline them according to the standard of God's Word. Encourage them. Spend time with them. BE THANKFUL FOR THEM. Words on my heart today....THANKFUL, HUMBLED, AWED, PROUD, BLESSED, GRATEFUL, CHANGED, CHALLENGED, OVERWHELMED (in a good way), ENCOURAGED, APPRECIATIVE, CONTENT, HONORED, REWARDED, PLEASED, IMPRESSED, LOVED, CHERISHED, ENTERTAINED.

"Understanding The Cries of My Heart"

2011-08-25T21:16:00.002-05:00

I have always thought that I understood prayer. I talk to Jesus all day, every day. He is my friend, my Savior, my confidant. I don't change my voice when I pray. I don't whisper. I don't flower the words with "Dear God" or other words that King James would find beautiful. I just talk to my Heavenly Father. I share my heart. I ask for His wisdom, His guidance and I listen. He speaks! Sometimes through His word, sometimes in those still small whispers and other times in louder voices that only my spirit can understand. I pray according to His word and according to His will, we pray the parts of scripture that bring peace and comfort? Have you ever asked God to allow you to walk through a trial? Have you ever asked Him to allow you to suffer or hurt? No, we don't pray for those things, we pray against them, but in His word He is clear that those things will come. BUT, HE IS ENOUGH! He is enough to carry us through whatever may come our way. I have recently discovered "my new favorite song" which asked the question "what if your blessings come through raindrops and what if your healing comes through tears? what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near? what if the trials of this life are your blessings in disguise?" We equate sunny days with beauty and rainy days are dreariness, but could beauty exists without the rain? The world would wither and dry up. It was waste away without the rain. Have you ever experienced healing? Healing from a broken heart, a broken relationship, a devastating situation, a sickness? Healing often times involves tears. So many blessings have come as the result of a trial so in reality isn't the trial the blessing? Or phrased a different way...would the blessing have been possible without the trial? There were tears as our Savior hung on the cross and yet the ultimate healing was brought about through His death. I don't think their is anything wrong with praying for peace, health, comfort and blessings. God desires these things for our lives and His word is full of truth to back that up. His love is too great and too deep to give us everything we ask for. We are man with finite minds and yet we think we know what's best for us. He knows my needs. He knows the cry of my heart and He knows what it will take in my life to make me whole and complete and to give Him glory. Praising Him in the blessings and on the good days is easy, but it takes really knowing Him and depending on Him to trust and praise during the trials. Just one step further...the more we know Him and seek Him we understand the difference in praising Him during the trial and praising Him for the trial. These are the cries of my heart today...seeking to know and live the difference.

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home

It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching(s) of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise

By: Laura Story

"Summers in the Country"

2011-07-06T20:14:00.011-05:00

Though it was only 2 weeks at a time or maybe a weekend here and there so many of my memories revolve around the summers in the country. As soon as we pulled onto the road with dust and rocks I knew that we were almost there. It won't be long now. As we identified each relative, each neighbor and each place where uncle so and so use to live I knew it wouldn't be long. And then I could see it. The long ranch style cinder block home that would shape so many memories of my childhood. As we pulled into the drive there they were each time just the way I pictured they would be. Granddaddy would clap those hands from back to front ending in a pointing wave and a possible "hot dog" under his breath and Grandmother would bend at the waist patting the tops of her jeans as she awaited the embrace that she had been counting down for weeks. But she wasn't the only one who had been counting. The kisses and hugs were exchanged and all the luggage arranged in their regular places and then the tour. We had to see how much the place had changed or not at all. Walks through the greenhouses with the smell of fertilizer, potting soil and every plant imaginable, all the while being careful to watch for snakes taking a respite from the heat. These walks began the "piles of summer" of the things we would take home to provide life on our porches and decks and one summer helped a little girl in pigtails start a door to door plant sale from her wagon when she returned home. Next we checked the chickens always aware that we could get mites, but never did. There were laying hens where we gathered eggs and as we gathered we would begin to scout out supper.We had to pick just the right chicken. When the right one had been picked Grandmother would corner him, swing him around until his neck broke and flop him into a bath of hot water so we could "dress" him. However, I never understood this term as it always seemed we were undressing him instead. She was my hero. I was in awe. How did she know how to catch him, kill him, dress him and cook him? Eating him was my favorite part, but the cooking was actually Granddaddy's job. He was the chicken fryer. But that comes later. Cooking only commenced once the heat died down since their was no air in the house. Well, that's not true. There were two window units. One in the den that we were allowed to use after the sun fell behind the rat proof crib, which I always wondered if it really was. The air was on just long enough for the sweat that dripped down your back to dry. 100 + degrees in the deep south filled with humidity and unless we were there the big box in the window was never turned on. The second unit was in the dining room.

Each night before dinner, all the doors to the dining room would be closed allowing the room to cool off just enough for the nausea to subside so that we could all enjoy dinner. The table was long enough for the whole family, but the coveted seat was the one where the air blew so cold that your chicken was chilled before it reached your mouth. But you didn't mind because you knew the cold was only momentary and soon the air would be off and the meal that you had waited on for weeks would be over. Fried chicken made in the cast iron skillet, creamed corn seasoned with black pepper and stirred just so by Granddaddy's sun aged hands, zipper peas picked fresh that morning, biscuits patted out by Grandmother, made in the biscuit bowl and placed in circles on the cast iron biscuit pan, homemade jelly spread across each biscuit and a bowl full of homemade mashed potatoes which someone probably scratched up that morning from the potato patch.We lived off the land. Almost everything we needed was produced or grown their on the home front as were we and the generations before us. We knew it was bedtime when Wheel Of Fortune went off, even though it was still light outside. I was to use the bathroom with the red carpet. It smelled of Coast soap, Listerine, Ben-gay and Old Spice. As we bathed and slipped into the thinnest gowns or pj's we could find, we knew the sheets would stick to our skin by morning and we hoped and prayed that an escapee from the local prison would not come peaking in the open windows that produced a warm breeze which allowed slumber to be possible. In the event of an intruder we had mapped out a plan weeks before. The closets that connected the two rooms would be our hideout or so it was in the minds of me and my brother. Not only was this closet a cool hide out but made for a fun playhouse during the hours we felt like living in a make believe world. My head would rest near Grandmother's as I slept in the twin bed that made a 90 degree angle with hers. She would tell me stories from her childhood and my mind would take me to a place where lunches were carried in pails and little girls wore long dresses year round. Not sure if my imagination was true to the times, but in my mind Grandmother became friends with Laura Ingalls. I was full of questions and some answers proved to be misunderstandings...I asked about monsters in the house and Grandmother assured me there was some in the refrigerator and we could have it at lunch. Mustard was what she heard and the misunderstanding was quickly cleared up after the tears were silenced and I was safe in her arms. The mornings came too early, yet not quick enough. I would stumble from my bed knowing that the adults had me beat by hours. Still in my gown, I would slip on my rubber boots and trudge through the fields in search of the harvesters. Where did they say they would be? Butter beans or zipper peas. Maybe they were in the corn field today. As I approached the fields I would give the call...yoo hoo...and when I heard Grandmother yoo hoo back I knew that I was close. Buckets of peas and beans, barrels of tomatoes and cucumbers, carts of corn and okra, baskets of squash and peppers of all kinds. I knew what the rest of the day would hold. After scratching for a few potatoes myself and filling my fingernails with the richness of earth I would head to the house for that small cup of orange juice that was sipped as I sat upon Grandmother's lap. We would soon eat sausage and biscuits with a little "monsters" of course, maybe a fried egg or two and then the work began. Shelling peas on the porch where the boxed fans blew. Slicing and blanching squash. Pickling cucumbers. Cutting and freezing okra. Shucking corn and freezing some on its cob and some that had been cut off the cob into that big bucket by that knife that I still can picture vividly. I can smell the peas as they blanched. I smell the sweet smell of plums as they boil and get ready to be jelly. I can hear the bubbling, sloshing and clanking of the cans as tomatoes and soups were being sealed for winter. So much to do and so much reward to be reaped year round. I'm sure these were not all accomplished in the same day, just as I am sure I did not do much of the work, but as one memory wove into the next the memories became cohesive. The only time of the day that rest was acceptable was the noon hour as potted meat sandwiches and Pringles were made and quiet came over the home just in time for "Grandmother's Program." I'm sure Hope and Bo are as happy today as they were back then and though time seems to stand still for them, The Days Of Our Lives continued and we had only One Life To Live. We had work to do and only 2 weeks to continue making memories. Once all the cartons were stacked in the 5 freezers that stood tall in the utility room and all the jars were lined on the shelves in the dining room, we knew it was time for another walk. This time it began at the edge of the property. Before we ventured off the property we had to see if this would be the year we could make it up the tree. The tree that held the rope swing and slanted down the drive. The tree that generations before me had also tried to "run up", others had climb and others had played under making mud pies and pea soup from unidentified leaves in the yard. We would take turns running with all of our might just hoping that we could "run up" the tree. Never succeeding, but always trying and hoping. We would catch up to the others at the scuppernong vines or maybe they were muscadines. I never really knew the difference. I only knew that while others ate the inside and spit out the hull...I liked them whole. Once our tummies were full and we were assured that we would have a stomach ache, we would continue down the dirt road always aware and looking for snakes, but never finding one.

We would graze the blackberries along the way and finally make it to the pond. Would the water be high or low? Would we get to fish this trip or was there too much work to do? We always managed to find the time. We would use those worms from the freezer that grew on those trees. You know the ones I could never pronounce. Now I know they are catawba worms. I preferred those to the "stink bait" which did. I loved the pull of the line, the bouncing of the bobber, but not the cleaning. I learned that even though we skin and filet them it is NOT ok to poke their eyeballs out with a stick. This is considered inhumane. Every 9 year old should learn this lesson. The walk would continue and I re-lived where my Mother had been carried away by a spooked horse and how her dress was torn as they reached to grab her. Just steps away was the destination we set out for...the family cemetery. Cemeteries are suppose to be sad and yet I loved the visits. The answers to each question of who was she and how she died. Sweeping the leaved from each grave, but never allowed to walk on them or sit on the tombstones. All of these things were signs of disrespect. We would linger and see the mourning in her eyes as she carefully set the flowers back up on Mommer and Popper's graves. Arm in arm they would take the dirt road back and we would hop the fence and run through the field to see who would be home first. Sometimes before we journeyed home we would venture farther and go to the old home place. The foundation still remained and we could see where each room was and imagined how Grandmother was as a child and where she slept and ate. The memories are still so vivid. Once back at the home place we would occasionally rummage through the rat proof crib or walk into the barn to find Mama cat and her new litter.

Mama cat lived for years though each time we visited she was a different color. Now I realized that Mama was not her name, but was an adjective used describe her condition. There were always cats. Lots of cats. Some were tame. Some were scared. Some had tails and others we called tom. The kittens were friendly and had way too much hugging and loving and were forced by little hands to climb trees. Once a little black kitten found his way back home with us as she traveled tucked under my arm. We always seemed to bring lots of the country home with us. The ice chests were full and so was the trunk. Enough vegetables and jellies, pickles and plants to stock the freezers and shelves for the year. And each family member that made these same memories received the love in these tangible containers. Some evenings when all canning and freezing were done we would sit in the sewing room. It was an add on room and it was cool and comfortable. The quilting loom was suspended from the roof and each time a different design hung above our heads. When time would allow Grandmother would lower the loom and stitch and work and today all those she loved bundle up with the fruits of her labor always remembering the love that was stitched into each square. It was there I learned to thread a machine, to sew on a button, to make small pillows and learned the meaning of words like bobbin and seam ripper. She was a woman of many talents and she had strength, stamina and love. Her hair was my favorite. It hung so far past her waist that she would sit on it if it had not been twisted and wrapped and tucked up in such a neat bun. Jet black underneath, but gray on the top. Defining who she was. Still young and strong and able to accomplish any task yet old in age and experienced and over worked by life. There was no dishwasher, no central heat and air. She did things the hard way yet to her it was the only way.

Grandaddy worked just as hard and just as long. He could never sit still and I can hear the slamming of the screen door as he would come and go all day. Trips to the store with Granddaddy always proved interesting. Donuts and ice cream were always involved and cokes in glass bottles were a must. Enough to drink and line the dividing wall from kitchen to den. Never saying no to his grandchildren and shocking all the other adults in the amount of caffeine that we were allowed to consume. We learned that it is not ok for someone to "rob you without a gun" by charging high prices for pie. We learned that truck stops and diners have the best food and that it is ok to use your horn when angry or when saying hello to a friend. He drove like the road belonged to him and as we curved around the dirt road we prayed that the neighbors dogs would not come running. Granddaddy said he didn't mind hitting them, though he never did, but in our minds we begged them to stay under the porch so that Granddaddy would not yell at them and call them what "they were" or tell them "where to go." He always made sure we left with an envelope of money, enough to buy school clothes and he kept the desk drawer filled with Freshen-Up. You know the gum that squirts when you chew it. He was one of the best chefs I know and I try to replicate his culinary skills as best I can. He kept gas in the mini-bike and would let us ride through the field that were not planted. He solved each Wheel of Fortune puzzle on the edge of his seat and he had no problems going to bed when it was still light out since he would arise when it was dark. The prison through the woods never scared him. He was a guard there for many years and he knew exactly which shelf he needed to reach in order to protect his family from an intruder. My favorite adventures with Granddaddy were the guinea adventures. We would walk through the woods looking for guinea eggs. The secret to gathering was using a long tool for picking up eggs. If they ever got a scent of the humans the hunt would start again and though I didn't mind Granddaddy liked knowing right where they were. The memories are engraved deep and are not only memories but have become a legacy. They made me who I am. I try each year to dredge them up through sights and smells and sounds. The smell of the plums boiling as they prep for jelly, the clicking of the cans as I put up tomatoes and peppers, shelling, blanching and freezing peas, threading bobbins, the sound of the sewing machine and the smell of the needle's friction all take me back to my childhood. I leave the chickens to Tyson and the thermostat stays on 73. I am not as strong, as talented, nor do I have the stamina that they did, but LOVE. I have the love and I give it freely. A legacy of love. I wish my children could have the memories that I have, but they are mine and they will have their own...each one unique and each one associated with a smell or sound that one day will take them back to today. These memories may not be exactly how each visit was scripted, but this is how I remember it in the novel of my heart and I love to remember and relive it, especially in the summer. I miss my "summers in the country."

"What Could I Possibly Do?"

2011-06-23T01:11:00.005-05:00

Her body lay lifeless in the right hand lane just over the top of the hill. Cars tagged from Georgia, Indiana and Alabama all swerved to miss her. Dazed and wondering what we had stumbled upon our hearts began to cry out "Lord, what do you want us to do?" Pulling over and jumping from our means of transportation we all began to scramble. Some ran to the body, some stopped traffic, Matt ran to the closest road marker and called 911. I began to spout out firm, but loving instructions for my children to remain in the car no matter what. What now? Do I run, do I fall to my knees, do I approach this life wondering if breath and heart beat still exist? What could I possibly do? Pray! That is all I knew to do. I began to quickly walk down the median praying aloud, asking the Lord to spare lives, bring peace, offer wisdom and give comfort and then my gaze was fixed. I saw her on the side of the road, shaking, crying, scared and in shock. I knew where my heart was. I ran to her and wrapped my arms around her. All I could do was hold her and pray. She was traveling from home to a neighboring town to visit some friends. A road she had traveled many times before. It was familiar, it was comfortable and it would soon change her life forever. As she topped the hill there in her lane was a figure, a person, standing in the middle of the road. She jerked the wheel as hard as she could. That sudden reflex was all she could do and yet not enough. Though the instinctive reflex is possibly what saved this person's life, it forever changed the lives of all those present. Mirror gone, car dented and neither seemed important as hearts and lives were dented deeper than surface alone. As I held this new friend and prayed aloud I trusted that God would provide the words because nothing I could say or do would bring comfort. As I prayed I felt the trembling lessen and I began to hear other voices. Oblivious to sirens and screeching tires all I heard was a chorus of prayer being offered up. As I opened my eyes I realized there were others gathered around, hands out-stretched or touching and praying, pleading, asking God to intervene. Those medically trained came and attended to the lady who was suffering in the road. She was stable, she would be fine, she was quickly transported away from the scene. Questions remained...who was she? Where had she come from? Where was she going? Rumors surfaced as each police officer had his own thought and theory. She might be the lady who was missing from the nursing home? Did she have dementia? Was she mentally disturbed? Was she on drugs? Was alcohol involved? Was it an intentional act to try and leave this world? What did they mean by (questionable) items in her purse? So many unanswered questions and so much pain that accompanied them all. And then there was the driver, who had my heart and attention from the start. She was scared, she was shaken, she was worried. Her life had just been forever changed and there was nothing she could have done to prevent it. Through the sobs I heard her heart, "If she's ok, then I will be ok." "If I know she can breathe, then I can breathe again." There was no way I could walk away and leave her in the care of 5 officers exchanging theories and stories. She needed assurance. She needed comfort. She needed a friend. When spotting an accident I have always thought "What could I possibly do?" as I continued to drive thinking I had nothing to offer. But on this day I understood. I knew what I could do. There was only one thing I could do. Stop and pray. It reminded me of a parable. On the road from Jerusalem to Jericho there laid a man who was passed by. Were they just too busy, too important? Could they not be bothered? Some walked on the far side as far away as they could, why? "If I don't see it, then it doesn't exist." So many passed us by on 231 that day. Shaking their heads in disbelief, maybe some in sorrow, but never stopping to help, never caring enough to be bothered. Something else was more important. I have been that person. But, on this day I knew I had to stop. No, I'm not the Good Samaritan, but how often do we pass by those in need wondering "what could I possibly do?" I'm not qualified. I have nothing to offer. Someone else could do more than I could. How many people had to pass before the Good Samaritan stopped? Imagine if on that day, he just couldn't be bothered. Would the man have lived? Jesus instructs us to "go and do likewise." Go and have mercy on others. Help! Minister! When we realize that it is not about us, but about HIM it will change our possibilities. I have nothing to offer, but Christ in me does. Praying and interceding on the behalf of others is the greatest gift you can give. The 2 ladies that I asked the Lord to shower His peace, His mercy and His comfort over are both alive and well. There are still unanswered questions. There are still fears that must be conquered and healing that must take place, but only through the power of prayer. Maybe it is not the next car accident or a tragic scene, but we are to be His hands of mercy. Where can we serve? Where can we give? Who can we love because he first loved us and them? I was asked to step out of my comfort zone. I wish I had run full force and though my body moved, my heart was reserved until I saw her face. Nothing I did or could have done changed the day or the event, but hopefully...it is my prayer, that these women felt the love of God through the touch of a stranger.

"One Day"

2011-06-08T21:22:00.002-05:00

"One Day" Does it really exist? Will it ever arrive? Has it already passed? Is this it? Recently Jacob asked me a question that has called me to reflect. "Mommy, is today one day?" Not sure what he was meaning, I asked. "Well, today is a day, but what do you mean by one day?" "Melissa (a sweet friend who has been living with our family while she waits on an answer from Lord about an upcoming ministry opportunity) said that one day this will not be her house anymore. Is today one day?" Understanding his heart of worry as he faced losing his favorite friend in the near future I said, "Well today is not "that" one day." "Oh mommy, I'm so happy. If today was one day I was going to be so sad." For Jacob "one day" is a day to dread. He does not want "one day" to get here in this situation. However, we are going on vacation "one day." That is the "one day" he is counting down. "Only 3 more sleeps until we go." "One Day" can be a good thing or a bad thing..."one day my prince will come." "One day Jesus will return to take us home." "One day we will get the results from these medical testings." "One Day" can stir such different emotions that you wonder if "one day" is to be dreaded or craved. I have made the claim before that some of my greatest lessons have been learned in "the wait." But what was I waiting on? "One Day." The day that answers are given be it from a friend, an employer, a family member, a doctor, a sporting event or an answer from our all knowing, loving God. I stand on the truth that the Lord teaches us so much during those times that he calls us to wait. He develops patience, perseverance and watches as we become mature and complete not lacking anything. I am however beginning to realize that "the wait" is not just an event or a space of time that occurs on occasion. All of our days and lives are spent in some form of "the wait." Personally our waits in recent months and even today have involved viles of blood, needles, x-ray machines, MRI's and doctor's offices where everybody knows our names. These can be very difficult waits that often times produce even harder answers, but we are called to learn and bask in the wait no matter what it is. We are to trust HIM. We are to take HIM at HIS word. He says He will never leave us or forsake us. He says He will not give us more than we can bare. He promises that His plan for us is good, pleasing and perfect. No matter the wait, no matter the situation, He is always the same and He is faithful. What are you waiting on today and what will you be waiting on tomorrow. We focus on the immediate waits and the answers that will make them realities, but what about the waits that could be molding and shaping us all day everyday. Waiting on the "one day" when the skies open and the whole earth is filled with His glory and He comes to call us home. Oh the waiting and preparation that could be partnered with the waiting of that day. We focus on the waits that effect us today, and yes our Savior is concerned about every detail of our lives, but don't all of these details add up and point to the purpose of our Savior's heart. As we wait and learn and wait and learn we are to be transformed and become like Him. It is all a part of our knowing Him and making Him known. Each day we wait, we wait for answers and we wait for "one day" to arrive. The waits we face about everything earthly are just preparing us for the day our wait is over. "One Day." That ONE DAY when Jesus will return and we will be made whole and complete. One Day!!!

"Days Of Summer"

2011-06-01T22:21:00.003-05:00

Lazy mornings, sleepy eyes, late night movies, night time ice cream runs, swimming in the dark, jumping on the trampoline in the rain, towels hanging from the deck railing, sticky floors, pool days, goggles and snorkels around every corner, fresh garden vegetables, the smell of tomato plants, homemade plum jelly, fresh blueberries for the pancakes, peach juice running down your arms, laundry, laundry and more laundry, laughter, togetherness, planning beach trips, midnight light saber fights on the trampoline, kick ball games until dark, lightning bugs in a jar, whoopie pies, flavored shaved ice, a messy house, late unplanned dinners, spontaneity, freedom from the calendar, savoring each day together, little boys hair turning blonde, tan lines on little gingerbread boys, good books and time to read them, catching frogs, killing snakes, eating blackberries from the ditch, slip n slides and sprinklers, candy bars at midnight, chocolate mustaches, no bed times, frozen fruit with seven up, beach pictures, bad haircuts, cannon balls, sunscreen, flip flops, boogie boards, boxed fans, The Beach Boys, play-dates, painted toenails, canned drinks, sunglasses, homemade ice cream, watermelon, sweat beads on your brow, humidity curling up your hair, sunflowers, scarecrows, shelling peas, shucking corn, zucchini fritters, fried green tomatoes, bike rides, bible school, new tennis shoes, birthday parties, fireworks, lemonade and memories to last a lifetime. ALL of these things are what I love about summer, but most of all I love that we get to do it all as a family. I love having my boys home with me each and every moment of the day. I miss them when they are in school. I count the days until they are all mine and I cherish these days because all too quickly they grow up, move on and make memories of their own. Cherish the times. Make the most of every moment. Live life to the fullest, counting your blessings and never taking them for-granted. "Thank you Jesus for this life you have given me."

"We ALL Need Jesus."

2011-05-04T22:18:00.003-05:00

Caleb can be counted on daily to provide a laugh. He keeps the mood light and he keeps us on our toes. His new daily phrase is "They need Jesus." I'm pretty sure he arrived at this phrase due to the fact that every time he complained about a classmate, a teammate or any person doing something that crossed him we would reply, "Caleb, keep in mind they might not know Jesus and you need to be a testimony and a witness to them." So now the kid that beats him in soccer "needs Jesus." The muslim classmate that puts her fingers in her ears every time Caleb talks, "needs Jesus." The brother who speaks in less than kind words "needs Jesus." Everyone needs Jesus. Caleb sometimes says it very jokingly and other times very seriously, but he recognizes that everyone needs Jesus. It has become a "catch phrase" but it is a truth that resinates deep in all of our hearts. I NEED JESUS! I can't do it without Him. Jesus doesn't just make it better or even tolerable. Jesus makes this life possible. There are many days that I would not make it through without the assurance that Jesus loves me, He died for me and He was raised from the dead and now intercedes for me at the right hand of the Father. Jesus intercedes for me. Oh what comfort that brings to my soul. I will be honest with you, I have days when I struggle. I mean truly struggle. I struggle to trust. I struggle to remain joyful in all circumstances. I struggle to see God's hand of blessing all around me. I just struggle. On those days Caleb would say, "You need Jesus." The good news for me is that I have Jesus and He has me. But it is not enough for me to simply "have" Jesus. I want to know Him fully. I don't want some of Jesus...I want ALL of Jesus. I want all that He has for me and I want to live my life in complete and total dependency on Him. I struggle there too. So often the things which I lay at His feet, I quickly pick up again and try to carry and sort in the weary power of my flesh. It is in those times that I recognize even more that my total dependency must be on Jesus. That is where I am today. I am in the middle of a struggle of knowing that it must be placed at His feet, but battling carrying the burden on my own for fear of what I might be asked to walk through and for fear of giving up complete control. I"m having some pretty rough days right now and I need my Aarons and Hurs to come along side of my and encourage me to keep lifting my hands in praise as we are victorious in the fight. I know Jesus, but oh how I want to KNOW Him more and more and more. Every time I hear my precious Caleb say the words "he needs Jesus." I am reminded that we ALL need Jesus and we need more and more of Him. That ball is in our courts. We must desire that intimate relationship and we must seek it. When we seek Him...we find Him.

"It Ain't Fittin, It Just Ain't Fittin"

2011-04-21T21:32:00.003-05:00

One of my all time favorite movies is "Gone With The Wind." I love the dresses, the horses, the bar-b-ques at Twelve Oaks and most of all I love Mammy. Mammy was Miss Scarlett's servant, but had her opinion been valued a little more I have a feeling the story would have ended differently. Mammy took issue with Miss Scarlet and her many beaus. Her exact words concerning Miss Scarlet's alluring dress and "heading out into the night air without her shawl"were "It Ain't Fittin, It Just Ain't Fittin."

I agree with Mammy. There are a lot of things these days that "just ain't fittin." I wish girls even considered wearing clothes as covering as what Miss Scarlett wore. Young girls fashion "ain't fittin." The words children use these days "ain't fittin." The movies and music that people of all ages listen to "just ain't fittin." Maybe I born in the wrong decade, but I shake my head like Mammy quite a bit.

It may not be revealing skin or causing others to stumble and it is definitely not an inappropriate movie, but I have always shaken my head and felt that little boys who wear cowboy boots with shorts "just ain't fittin." I mean where are their mommy's when they are getting dressed and do they have no sense of pride when it comes to their child's fashion. Why on earth would you let them out the door with what are apparent winter boots with summer shorts? Because some battles aren't worth fighting!!!

Maybe I am growing weary after 4, but I actually find this little guy with his shorts and boots pretty cute. "Fittin??" Maybe not, but yesterday afternoon on our way to the soccer field this was a battle I chose not to fight. He had on shoes and his feet were protected. Protection!! That is what I pray for my children. I pray that God will protect them from sin and harm. I pray he will protect them for lust, pornography and forward women. I pray that God would hem them in. I pray that His hedges of protection would be high and thick. I pray that He will go before them and come behind them. I pray that the Lord will guard their heart and their minds in Him. I have become more concerned about protecting their hearts and minds than what protects their feet. It may not be "fittin" but I have to pick my battles. The Lord has brought me to a place of weighing what is "fittin" and what is not by what is holy and what is not. What will make my children more like Christ and what will take away from their walk with Him? I choose my battles accordingly. According to this worlds standards, a lot of our decision are not "fittin." They are not popular and are often times not understood by others, but that's ok. It is a matter of stewardship and we are stewards for a time of these precious little boys. To live a life that is "fittin" and holy, we are going to be misunderstood. Jesus was, but he was "fittin." Do we seek to be "fittin" according to this world or are we "fittin" according to the standard of Christ? As we approach this Easter weekend and celebrate His resurrection, throw on your shorts and cowboy boots and seek His word to find what is "fittin" in His eyes. Let's seek to please Him and raise children who will do the same. When I stand before Him on that day of judgement I do not want to hear, "you weren't fittin, you just weren't fittin."

"Grace Perfectly Proportioned"

2011-04-08T07:31:00.002-05:00

I was at my wits end. I was done. I was weary. I was discouraged and I was ready to through my hands up in defeat. "Last week." It was a normal week full of all our normal activities. School, soccer practice, baseball practice, soccer games, baseball games, field trips, costumes and just the normal things that make up our week, but I hit a breaking point. I was exhausted and honestly I was tired of fighting the enemy at every turn. I was becoming cynical and bitter at life. I love my family, but I wanted our circumstances to change and change fast. They did. My husband boarded a plane and went to Honduras on a mission trip for 7 days. Now I had to do this thing we call life alone. If I thought I was at my wits end last week, how will I ever juggle all of this alone.

When I married Matt 15 years ago I told the Lord that I fully understood that Matt was His first and mine second. That admission has been harder at times to live than it was to confess, but reminding my heart of that promise I have always released my grip freely as the Lord calls him to go and to serve. I love that he hears the voice of his savior and obeys and I will never be the one to stand in the way of his obedience. I hold him palms up at all times. As his obedience led him into a small village in Honduras I became very aware that for the next 7 days it was all me. Wow, was I mistaken. How dare I even think that I could manage this life alone?

My loving Heavenly Father scooped me up and provided His mercies anew every morning. He guided each step and provided the grace I needed to place my feet one in from of the other. This week has been crazy busy, but then again which weeks aren't. We have had practices and games in triplets, we have had sickness, we have had melt downs (not me of course), we have had costumes to make and homework to do, houses to clean, we have kept children, we have cooked dinner, we have bought groceries and we have had a wonderful week watching our Father perfectly proportion His grace for each step we are on. Yes, we have ALL desperately missed our Daddy, but what a joy to be able to pray for him and allow him without begrudging hearts to go and serve. My boys have been working on a special project to surprise their daddy when he comes home. Joshua said, "We need to do something to surprise daddy and thank him for going to another country to serve others and tell them about Jesus since we are too young to go." Oh how my heart overflowed with blessing. Instead of allowing their hearts to become sad, they had a full understanding of what Matt has been called to do and they wanted to find a way to thank him for his obedience. The attitude of their gracious hearts would have been enough.

Grace perfectly proportioned seems to be the theme of my life. At just the right moment, not a moment before and not a moment after, but at the precise moment I need His grace, He is there and He pours it freely. I keep my gaze set on Him. I cry out to Him. He is my strength and my rock. He is my portion forever.

"A Heart and A Hand of Worship"

2011-03-21T22:17:00.003-05:00

I absolutely love to worship my Savior. Music that sings His praise is the only music for me. I will blast "I Will Follow" and "Jesus Messiah" while I clean my house, while I sew and especially while I drive. I love that the message of the words of worship begin to take root in the hearts of my children. As my 4 year old sings "Where you go I'll go, where you stay I'll stay, who you serve I'll serve, I will follow you" I know fully that this is the message I want engraved in his memory. He could have "friends in low place" or sing of "apple bottom jeans" but I refuse to allow the world to have any more of a hold over my children than what the sin nature and the other unwelcome evils already pursue. As we drive to and from where ever we might be going we have a praise and worship session. Just today on the way to soccer Caleb says, "Who took Chris Tomlin out of the car?" Wishing that we actually did have Chris Tomlin singing to us in the car I remembered that I had be jamming to the praise while I cleaned today. I was the guilty thief. We found other music to worship to, but I love that he has a favorite. My favorite worship story was last week as we kept the roads warm during spring break, we were singing, worshipping and I was driving. As I sang louder and my heart began to truly worship in spirit and in truth I raised one hand in praise to my king and I hear..."Whoa, whoa lady, both hands on the wheel. Here I will worship for you." As Caleb spoke the words he lifted his hand in praise and sang a little louder. I don't think worship actually works that way, but I know I got a good chuckle out of it and I'm sure our Savior did as well. I knew his heart. He was thinking, "If my momma keeps worshipping like this in the car, we are ALL gonna be worshipping Jesus face to face very soon." I have laughed about that day so many time. Caleb knew my heart. He knew I wanted to worship my Jesus, but he also knew it is important to keep both hands on the wheel. He was ready to serve. I provided the heart and he provided the hand and we worshipped. "Worship Him in spirit and in truth." Luke 19:40 says "If they keep quiet, the stones will do it for them, shouting praise." I don't want the rocks to cry out on my behalf. I WILL PRAISE HIM!!

"Making Over The Dirty Rooms"

2011-02-28T20:15:00.009-06:00

It is no secret that I despise laundry. I will scrub the floor with a toothbrush, clean windows and fans and swish that toilet brush and even detail it with a toothbrush just to stay away from the laundry room and the mountains of misery that await. It has always been "the room" where everything was hidden away behind closed doors when those who are not of the same blood line arrive. You know those rooms. The ones you never intend for anyone to see. Those private quarters that only we can see and that really are not considered a part of the "house." The laundry room is one of the dirty rooms. It just really doesn't matter, right? That is what I always thought until... recently. My laundry room was my least favorite room in the house until last week. Our washing machine was old and would not hold very many clothes. With 4 boys that is a problem. It also required that you run the spin cycle twice to keep from retrieving sopping wet clothes. Our dryer had its own set of issues. Drying time averaged 70 minutes per load, but had been known to take up to 3 hours to dry towels. Last week when the washer rocked its way into the kitchen to dance with me I knew it was time the dynamic duo left our home. We priced and shopped and prayed and priced and shopped and prayed some more until Matt and I came to find peace and unity about the same washer and dryer. We had to totally clean the room out in order to be done with the old and welcome in the new. While the room was empty I decided the floors needed a really good scrubbing. After that a coat of paint on the walls seemed only appropriate so we picked a color and cut-in, trimmed and rolled. A vision began to take root. I could see it. This dirty room was becoming clean. But it wasn't enough for it just to be clean, oh no, it had to be adorned, decorated and made beautiful. Matt asked me how replacing a washer and dryer turned into a home makeover project. My answer...it just made sense. For a whole week I have spent day and night working, planning, painting, creating and cleaning. The result...I now have my dream laundry room and I LOVE doing laundry.

I love going in there and the door stays wide open all of the time. I just can't find enough laundry to do. The room and the chore that once plagued me is now my joy and delight. Why? Because the dirt and clutter have been replaced with beauty, organization and precious memories and pictures including, artwork made from my boy's baby clothes, my great-grandmother's button collection, windows from my granddad's house and lots of pictures of my boys.

The old is gone and the new has come and the new is so much more attractive and magnetic than the old. As I was devoted to this project all week the Lord began to impress upon my heart that we have those dirty rooms in our lives as well. You know the rooms I am referring to...the ones we keep the doors closed to and give no one access to the entrance. Those deep, dark places of doubt, worry, sin and bitterness. Those thoughts that only we are privy to. Those heart attitudes, opinions, complaints and activities that only we know exist. We all have a dirty room or dirty rooms. Maybe not filthy, but non-the-less those rooms that are off limits to the world. What would they think if they could see behind those doors? What would they find? How could we show our faces if we aired all of the dirty laundry behind that door? We are in need of a TOTAL makeover. When we came to know the Lord Jesus as our Savior, He took away the old and offered us forgiveness and everything we need for life and godliness. We possess everything we need to have clean and sparkly rooms. There is no need to keep the doors closed any longer, but just like my laundry was never on the priority list for a makeover so too are those areas in our lives that we just won't let go of. I know what my areas are. What are yours? What room of your heart and life is off limits? What areas of your life need a makeover? Maybe it is the room that harbors fear and worry or that nook that hides your negative and critical spirit. It might be the cranny where you hide your self-pity and anger. It is time for a makeover vision to be cast within our hearts. Picture it. Open doors, cleanliness, sparkling, functional, organized, nothing to hide and COMPLETELY functional for HIS purposes. His Word is our blueprint and at His feet we find revelation and design for life. My laundry room has experienced a makeover, but it will one day pass away. The makeover of our hearts and lives is eternal.