It wasn’t long before Derrick made himself comfortable in our group. There was something about him that intrigued us…at first. He told fascinating stories about his life in California before moving across the country to New Jersey (military family). Derrick was quickly becoming the cool kid of our clique because of the stories he told about his wild adventures. And let me say they were wild, a little too wild and unbelievable for us. He was always trying to out do someone else. If they had it, he had the best. If they did it, he did it better. He never stopped talking and to make matters worse he was arrogant about it. Eventually we found out his stories and adventures were all talk, and many of us from our group stopped hanging out with Derrick. The group that accepted anyone closed the door on one of its members.

Our students can be the same way, all talk and bragging about their faith, but that’s all it is…talk. They may know all the right words, but the way they live doesn’t always reflect God’s power. Check out these verses: Some of you have become arrogant, thinking I will not visit you again. But I will come—and soon—if the Lord lets me, and then I’ll find out whether these arrogant people just give pretentious speeches or whether they really have God’s power. For the Kingdom of God is not just a lot of talk; it is living by God’s power. – 1 Corinthians 4:18-20.

These verses are telling you and I that the kingdom of God is to be lived, not just talked about. There is a huge difference between saying and knowing the right words, and truly living them out. We should never be satisfied to only have the right answers about Jesus. We should live in such a way that our life’s show God’s power is really working in us. Jesus is not impressed with our knowledge of theology, but rather our obedience to the scriptures and our willingness to investigate the Truth.

Don’t end up like Derrick, someone who talks/brags so much that others push you away and don’t want anything to do with you.

Do you spend time talking about Jesus but not living for Jesus? Do your friends see Jesus in you or do they see someone just trying to boost their own ego or put on a good show for all the right people? Are you all talk and no action? Remember, “the Kingdom of God is not just a lot of talk; it is living by God’s power.”

So let me take you to the day that changed everything.  It was a cold day in November; my wife had recently quit her full time job at a local school and started helping me in full time ministry.  Then because of circumstances outside of our control, I had to resign my position and there we were.  We went from 2 full time pay checks down to a part time pay check with 4 kids.  I can tell you in that instant the American dream was a long way away.  Questions ran through our head like why would God allow this to happen, we had been faithful, we were dedicated to Him, and why after months of prayer did He lead us to have my wife quit her job?  I felt like He led us into that valley, He led us down the wrong path, I mean why would He want us to suffer like this?  It stressed our family, it stressed our relationship, and it stressed my relationship with Christ.

As we struggled through the next few weeks and month’s people kept coming up and asking why had my wife not gotten another full time job, my answer never was accepted.  Did it make sense to me, not all the time, was it hard YES.  Here is the way I looked at it, in life there will be some very hard times and there will be those times that don’t make any sense at all, but the one thing we need to rely on is His strength not ours.  Phil 4:13 “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.  We say it but so often times we don’t mean it till we have nothing left to rely on.  I had worked my whole life to achieve what I wanted, to provide for my family and to strive to hear well done good and faithful servant.  Where was that at?  There was no well done, all there was, was bills piling up and stress beyond anything I had ever experienced.  The struggles continued and one day a family member was upset that my wife still had not gotten a job and wanted an answer.  As I spoke God delivered the words, my wife had not gotten a full time job because my faith in Christ surpassed my struggles, it surpassed my doubts, and most of all He is all we had!  My family is not mine it is His, my life is not mine anymore, it is His.  When I prayed Isaiah commissions I was giving my life to serving Him.  Isaiah 6:8 8 Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.  I had prayed that prayer God send ME, Please use me.  As the conversation had come to an abrupt stop there I was tears filled my eyes, in that moment I felt the love of Christ all over me.  The first time since our lives had been shaken up, I felt close to Christ.  I felt His loving arms around me again, I felt the words in my heart “Well done My good and faithful servant”.

So here is our American dream, we live paycheck to paycheck with hardly anything left after our bills, my wife scrubs floors and toilets so our daughter can still be in gymnastics, and we both volunteer with an awesome youth ministry.  Is it hard to try and find an answer that will never be good enough for the world….Yeah at times it is.  Is it hard not to search the past and try and figure out a different path…..Yeah.  We take comfort in knowing that we were attacked by the one who seeks to steal, kill, and destroy because we were making a difference for the Kingdom.  So our American dream does not have a big house, or fancy gadgets, but we stand firm for Christ knowing He has our lives and our future.  Joshua 24:15…”But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”

Check out his review of this awesome curriculum!! – “6TiL about Li6W”

There are two types of offended people; those who have been treated unjustly or those who believe they have been treated unjustly. The second type of person believes wholeheartedly that they have been wronged, however their conclusion is based on inaccurate information and they judge by assuming or by false information. In my particular situation there was no doubt I was treated unjustly. But once we’ve been offended, unjustly or not, we hurt.

I wanted justice, not restoration. I was angry and became bitter. As a matter of fact I did everything I could to avoid seeing, talking to or even running into the person who hurt me. Basically…I wanted to erase any thought or memory and just move on. I did everything I could to convince myself and others that I was not hurt.

At times I would try to justify my anger, bitterness and unforgiveness. And I was so focused on the speck of sawdust in my brother’s eye I paid no attention to the massive plank in my own eye. (Matthew 7:3) I saw myself as a victim when all along I was blind to my own sin. Bottom line I was allowing pride to cloud my true condition (“anoint your eyes with eye salve that you may see.” – Rev. 3:18).

I felt the only way I would have peace would be to confront the person who hurt me. But how…I was feeling so much anger. Then…one morning while reading from Genesis I saw something in the life of Joseph that opened my eyes and I saw my true condition.

If there was anyone that had just cause to be offended it was Joseph. After sharing a dream with his brothers, out of jealously they tossed Joseph into a pit, tore apart his favorite robe that was given to him by his father, sold him into slavery and if that was not enough, later he was accused of a crime he did not commit by Potiphar’s wife. As a result he was thrown in prison only to be offended once again when one of his fellow inmates refused to mention him to Pharaoh and ask him to let Joseph out of jail (Genesis 37 – 40).

We know by reading on that Joseph was released from jail and then became ruler of Egypt. Only Pharaoh was higher than Joseph. We also know that Joseph’s brothers came to Egypt seeking food as there was a famine across the country. And we also know by reading in Genesis 45 that Joseph was reunited with his brothers. Though Joseph was offended deeply by his brothers he held nothing against them. If he had he could have thrown them in prison for life or even have them killed. I mean…his brothers were of no concern to Pharaoh and Joseph was second in command.

But Joseph instead gave them the best grains of Egypt at no charge. In the end he blessed those who cursed him and did good to those who hated him. (Matt. 5:44) Joseph forgave his brothers.

What’s even more amazing is he didn’t get angry and replay his complete past. So often when we get offended by someone we feel the need to replay in detail what happened as if the person needs to be reminded.

Look at how Joseph handled the situation once he revealed to his brothers who he was; “Please, come closer,” he said to them. So they came closer. And he said again, “I am Joseph, your brother, whom you sold into slavery in Egypt. But don’t be upset, and don’t be angry with yourselves for selling me to this place. It was God who sent me here ahead of you to preserve your lives.(Genesis 45:4-5) Only by the Spirit of God was Joseph able to say what he did, do so in love, and acknowledge that God was in control from the beginning and had a purpose.

If we were in Joseph’s shoes I don’t think many of us would have reacted the same way. I’m more inclined to believe (based on personal experience) we would have lashed out in anger and made it a point to discuss every little detail of the offense as a way of rubbing it in their faces.

After reading and studying the life of Joseph I was convicted, my heart was broken as I realized what I had been doing wrong. God used His Word to deal with me. I realized that restoration did not begin with the person that offended me; it began with confessing to God my anger, bitterness and unforgiving heart. God tells us in Matthew 6:14-15; “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” And in Ephesians 4:31 we’re told to “get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”

God dealt with my heart, He forgave me. And in my heart I have forgiven the person that hurt me. I no longer have anger or bitterness over the situation or the person. Not only have I forgiven, but like Joseph I have chosen NOT to discuss it any further. I want you to see one more thing about Joseph. Not only did he speak in love and compassion, but he also showed it. Genesis 45:14-15 says; “Then he threw his arms around his brother Benjamin and wept, and Benjamin embraced him, weeping. And he kissed all his brothers and wept over them. Afterward his brothers talked with him.” We don’t know what they talked about, but I’d like to think they spent time getting to know one another again and they enjoyed being together.

So how do you respond when someone has offended you? Are you holding onto anger, bitterness and pride? Do you harbor an unforgiving heart toward the person? Do you want justice instead of restoration? Or are you expecting restoration to start with the person that offended you? Restoration of an offense begins within our hearts once we have allowed God to deal with us and we see our true condition. If someone has offended you and you’re holding onto anger, bitterness, pride and an unforgiving heart you will never be free and that is exactly where Satan wants you.

But the part that really gets me, and I don’t understand are those who complain about the trouble makers, the gossipers, and sailor mouths. Rather than un-friend or block those who are unhealthy we keep them on our friends list because if our friends list drops below a certain number we’ll be considered a freak or a nobody, a anti-socialite. So we keep those unhealthy friends on our list and do our best to weed through their statuses as we scroll through the news feeds. I don’t know about you but I don’t particularly like tripping over the garbage so I can catch up with my friends and family. And is it really worth it? Is all the garbage really worth logging onto to Facebook? And oh yeah, as I get my own head out of the social media cloud I am reminded there IS life outside of Facebook and it’s much better. Actually interacting with people face-to-face (NOT face time, Skype, or Google Hangout) is how God intends for us to do life together.

So recently I went through my list of Facebook friends and unfriended many of them. Why? God has had me think a lot lately about friendships and what they mean to me as well as how they should look. Bottom line, Facebook should never define your relationships. However, for many that’s exactly what they do. The sad truth is for many people they allow Facebook and social media to not only define their relationships but also define who they are.

In real life, not Facebook, we work hard at choosing our friends wisely. At least I pray you are. But when it comes to Facebook so many people are quickly clicking “confirm” every time they get a friend request. God tells us to CHOOSE OUR FRIENDS CAREFULLY, for the way of the wicked will lead us astray.” (Proverbs 12:26)

So how did I go about cleaning up my Facebook? I first started by un-friending people I never have any interaction with on Facebook at all, meaning I don’t read their posts, comment or even notice them and they never interact with me. Second I unfriended people that seem to use Facebook for drama and/ or something negative. I began to notice the more posts about drama or from gossipers I read it only brought me down and put me in a negative mood. And some of these people live miles, even states away. I have also asked two people that I trust and who really know me to keep me accountable in what I post on Facebook so I don’t fall into the trap of drama. Limiting my time on Facebook is something else I have been doing. Even though I update my status regularly it doesn’t mean I’m on Facebook reading or commenting. I don’t even have to be on Facebook to update my status, post an encouraging verse or quote.

So what about you? Do you find yourself getting frustrated with all the drama, gossip and negativity on Facebook? Have you looked at your friends list lately and asked yourself, “who’s that?” If you have to ask yourself; “who’s that?” when browsing your friends list it’s good indicator you need clean out your Facebook and choose your friends carefully.

How often do we get distracted by the busyness of ministry, the to-do lists, answering emails, checking our phones or iPads first thing in the morning, reading the latest blogs, etc. that we forget to take time to make sure our roots are growing deep, being fed and are healthy. Yesterday I was reminded of Psalm 1:3; They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season. Their leaves never wither, and they prosper in all they do.

I’m an avid hiker and one of my favorite places to hike in Pennsylvania has a four mile trail along a river. The oak trees along that river are huge. Why? They are rooted close to a source a water. Jesus tells us in John 4 that he is our living water. If our roots are going to grow deep we need to be rooted close to him, our living water. Trees with deep roots can withstand the heat and dryness, but trees with shallow roots will soon wither and dry up in the heat. As youth workers we need to be rooted deep so as to stand strong when faced with the heat of trials, hurt students, personal struggles, family life, church demands, and the list can go on.

Colossians 2:7; Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.

God is telling us that our LIVES are to be built on Him (deep roots). He doesn’t say in Colossians 2:7 our roots are to grow deep in our ministries. When our roots are deep in Christ our students, families and spouses will have strong branches to hang onto as we care for, love and nurture them into growing deep roots themselves. But shallow roots will produce weak dry branches that will fall apart the moment our families and students hang onto us for support and guidance in their faith.

While we all face different hurts and stresses and need time and room to breathe, many youth workers are facing the struggles of busyness that is keeping them rooted in their relationship with Jesus. Focus on being rooted, being WHO you are in Christ first, not what you do in ministry.

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. – 1 Corinthians 1:3-4

It’s hard losing someone. It’s even harder when you know you’re going to lose someone, and you know it’s just a matter of time. You’re watching the days and time count down before that person breaths their last.

A couple of weeks ago I received a phone call from my mom telling me that my grandmother was not doing well and that my dad had taken her to the doctor. I remember the phone call I got later. What we thought was a urinary tract infection was really something else. The words I heard over the phone said; “Grandmom has pancreatic cancer that has spread to the liver. They can’t do anything for her and it’s only a matter of time.”

Over the next several days after receiving the news about Grandmom, my brother made a trip to PA from NJ to help my dad move her into hospice care and begin the process of moving her out of her apartment. I remember struggling and wrestling with wanting to go back myself to visit her one last time. Don’t misunderstand me here;  I had the opportunity to go as my parents offered to pay my way to PA from IN as well as my church willing to give me the time off to go. So why did I struggle? I mean most people would run back as quick as they could.

When my grandfather passed away it wasn’t a complete surprise. He was slowly dying and we knew it. We watched days and time pass until we received that phone call letting us know he was gone. The night before he passed I went to see him to say good-bye. I’ll never forget that day as he sat unresponsive in a wheelchair. My visit was short as I don’t even think he knew I was there, or did he? Before I left I said these simple words to him; “I love you grandpop. I won’t say good-bye, but rather…I’ll see you later.” And at that moment his eyes shifted for a brief second and made contact with mine. That day was tough and to this day I still struggle with my last moments with him. I don’t want to remember my grandpop in the wheelchair unresponsive and sick. Now years later, his wife, grandmom is dying of cancer and once again I find myself watching the clock wondering if this is going to be the day.

I decided not to go see her. As I sat thinking about her I remember this past Christmas and our visit with her. She had no idea we were coming and boy was she surprised to see me, Kim and Erin standing at the door of her apartment. I knew right away we had just made her Christmas. This was also the first time she met Erin, and I watched as she hugged and embraced her as family. We spent the afternoon together and had lunch in the little cafe on the first floor of her apartment. We laughed, joked and talked up memories. She heard all about what we were doing now here in Indiana and how Erin has been adjusting to her new life with us. I remember hearing my grandmom tell me how proud she was of me for the life God has been leading me on. This is the picture I have in my head of my grandmother and the picture I want to remember.

I could go on for pages about my grandmom, sharing stories from when I was a kid. And it’s those memories that help to give me comfort while I process the fact that she is not here. While my heart grieves it is also rejoicing as I know she is home praising and celebrating Jesus and reunited with grandpop. But I am also comforted because God is the source of my comfort. And it’s this comfort that gave me the strength, energy and words during SYMC last weekend to care for other youth workers. God says; When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 

I’m honored to be serving on the Simply Soul Care Team. But I’m also humbled by my SYMC family that is there for me to offer soul care to a soul care pastor. I went to Louisville for SYMC knowing grandmom was going to pass at any day. I went to SYMC with my heart prepared (to the best I could from God) to be an encouragement to others. That is what grandmom wanted me to do. In my mind I’d like to think she held on until after the conference because she was busy praying for her grandson who was doing spiritual battle for other youth workers that came to the conference looking for encouragement and someone who could relate to what they were going through.

I left the conference exhausted this year, but it felt great. I came home refreshed and relaxed.

I give all praise to God for He is THE source of my comfort and I’m thanking Him for using my SYMC family to speak into my life and heart during the conference to prepare me for the news I received about grandmom the day after my return. I can truly say that my heart is smiling for grandmom. Why? Because she is home! And I take comfort in that because God says so.