Yvette McIntire Coaching

The Fallacy of Expectations

Yvette McIntire — Wed, 14 Jul 2021 16:02:52 +0000

Rewind 10 years to 2011, my son was leaving for college and I was having 2 thoughts as he drove away.

His life is on an upward trajectory and mine is on the downward.
I better make the most of the next 10 years because after that I’ll be old and my life will be over.

Melodramatic much?

Along with that hyperbolic thinking, I had a ton of expectations about how the next 10 years would look.

Expectation 1: My then-husband and I would retire early, spend the next 10 years traveling, and enjoying our empty nest.
Reality 1: Our marriage fell apart and we divorced.

Expectation 2: I’d spend time enjoying my home that I’d remolded from the studs up.
Reality 2: My ex-husband’s new wife now lives in that house.

Expectation 3: I’d spend more time in my home state visiting my life-long friends and my mother.
Reality 3: My mother died suddenly of aggressive liver cancer and a pandemic hit. I haven’t been back to Mississippi in 3 years.
Expectation 4: My life would be much the same as it had been previous to 2011 with the exceptions listed above.
Reality 4: Again, see above plus, I moved across the country to start over alone in a place where I knew no one. I did get to do the traveling I expected only I did that alone as well and ended up living abroad for 3 months.

What’s my point? Many of us have expectations and rightly so, but it’s how we respond when those expectations don’t pan out that makes or breaks us.

Yes, when my expectations listed above fell apart, I experienced all the normal emotions that come when life turns in unwanted ways. There were times when I thought I’d get stuck there, but thankfully I had the tools I’d learned from being a coach for 15 years that allowed me to

process that emotion
make a new plan
move forward without dwelling on how it SHOULD have been.

I have worked with numerous clients to do the same. One recent client came to coaching holding a twelve-year grudge against her mother. She has learned the steps to let it go, freeing herself and her mother to recreate their relationship.

Are your unmet expectations holding you back? Let me help you finally move on. Contact me to get started today.

Reconciliation with My Dad, Even After His Death

Yvette McIntire — Sun, 20 Jun 2021 13:46:59 +0000

The day my father died, I felt like my outer layer of skin had been peeled off. Not in the physical pain sort of way, but in the fearful I-no-longer-have-anything-protecting-me sort of way. The epidermis that kept me safe in the world was no longer present to do the job.

No more was I “Daddy’s Little Girl,” the phrase he always used to refer to me. There was no more daddy to run to when the car broke down, the bank account ran dry or things went bump in the night.

This feeling of abandonment was a surprise to me. While I loved my dad and know that he loved me, understanding which came only after having a child of my own, we were not close. Not close that is until some 10 years after he passed from this world, when he paid me a much-needed “visit.”

I was alone mid-day on the third floor of my house folding laundry when out of the blue a strong scent of cologne came wafting past my noise on a gentle breeze. I am very sensitive to smells and strong scents tend to give me a violent headache, but this one didn’t intrude, rather it captured my attention with it’s quite, yet urgent entrance and it’s familiar scent.

Instantly I lifted a freshly laundered towel to my nose, knowing even as I made the gesture that the smell couldn’t possibly be coming from the laundry. With my aversion to scents, I strictly buy all products fragrance-free. It was really just a reflex, as it hadn’t yet hit me what was happening.

“No, definitely not the towels, not flowers from outside the open window, what could it be?” My thoughts shot by in rapid fire.

“Wait, I know that smell. It’s sooooo familiar, where have I smelled that before and where on earth is it coming from? It smells like a man’s cologne, is there an intruder in the house?”

Continuing to fold, I just couldn’t figure it out. Before I knew it, the scent had faded and I was lost in my mindless task thinking about what to make for dinner and when to pick up my son from school.

I finished my chore, picked up the laundry basket and headed down the three flights of stairs to put away the towels. Reaching the bottom floor I traversed the four-step expanse between the bottom stair and the guest bath doorway and flipped on the light.

Boom! It hit me again and in that instant I knew. I not only identified his Old Spice Cologne, I felt his presence and a wave of love. It was my dad, there in the doorway and even though not in the flesh, very real just the same.

As I drew in a quick breath and began to quietly cry from the overwhelming feeling of love I whispered, “Thank you for coming, I love you, too.” And it was over.

As quickly and mysteriously as he had arrived, he was gone, but with one very important difference. Never again have I felt unprotected or like we had unfinished business. All at once my relationship with my father finally felt complete. No more words left unspoken, no more hurts from words that would have been better left unsaid. Just complete.

Thanks, Dad. On that “Father’s Day” and this official Father’s Day, I celebrate the gift of your presence in my life both while you were here on this earth and even now as our relationship lives on in my mind and heart.

Creating a better relationship with yourself through meditation.

Yvette McIntire — Wed, 26 May 2021 14:32:20 +0000

Breathing deeply I view my thoughts as children running amok in the schoolyard.

Once I allow this to be okay, I gently call them to quiet and I watch in my mind’s eye as they slow down in their frenzy, then stop and sit, as I am, cross-legged on the earth and rest. These “children,” my thoughts, have become still.

Today I happen to be sitting in front of my mediation cabinet that holds behind its doors a candle, my favorite sandalwood incense, poems, Bible verses, and such. Having a specific place to sit each time you attempt to quiet your mind makes it easier to focus. It doesn’t have to be fancy or particularly tricked out, it can be a simple chair in the corner of a room where you go each day for the purpose of watching your mind. It’s the repetition that matters. This repetition trains your mind to know that when you’re in that spot, you’re there to be quiet, connect within, and watch your brain think.

The beauty of cultivating quiet is that eventually, you can experience it ANYWHERE—when the kids are melting down at the grocery store, you & your spouse are “discussing” finances, or when your boss moves up the deadline by a week.

Yes, mental calm and clarity can be experienced anywhere at anytime, but I have to say when I open those cabinet doors, smell the lingering fragrance of incense within, and sit on my pillow, it is like stepping into a sanctuary, bringing my heart to a reverent state for the activity that I am about to begin. That moment of centering, quieting my mind and opening my heart to the Divine, to what God wants to share with me is an activity that has become a vital part of my day.

Messages are always being spoken, but usually, our thoughts are shouting so loudly that our hearts can’t hear. Again much like a child who is poking her mom and talking over a conversation insistent that she be heard and now, our thoughts are like insistent children who have not yet learned to wait their turn. For both, there is a time to softly say, “Shhh, quiet yourself for a moment while I listen”—listen to God, listen to myself, listen to the voice within that is always, always providing the guidance we need to lead our best, most fulfilling lives.

How about you? Are you making time to listen to your wisest self? I invite you to shhh and to accept a most precious gift that you are being offered every day—the gift of connection with your own soul. Every moment that passes without you taking the time to listen for that still small voice within, to develop a solid relationship with yourself, is a day that you squander your best guidance for living the life you were meant to live.

Stop today if only for a second, breathe deeply, quiet your mind, and make a vow to live in connection with your soul beginning now. Do this daily and you will marvel at the guidance you begin to receive.

3 Simple Steps for Creating a Better Relationship with Yourself

set a timer for 5 minutes (or more if you have it)
take a few deep breaths to quiet your mind
watch your thoughts, listen, receive

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My mother is driving me crazy!

Yvette McIntire — Sun, 23 May 2021 17:23:01 +0000

My mother refused to use my correct name, my chosen name, yet again!

I had just received another letter from my mom addressed to me using my husband’s last name, which I had purposely chosen not to take.

What was she doing? Had I not made it clear that after I married I would be keeping my maiden name? Was it just her being old-fashioned? Why was she consistently referring to me in writing and in person as Yvette (husband’s last name) versus Yvette McIntire as I wanted to be called?

I was confused.

My relationship with my mom had always been continuous so I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, but this was getting annoying. I was tired of feeling like my choice was being disrespected so I decided to confront her on it.

This conversation did not go as I expected…

I thought I’d mention the oversight to her like, “Oh, mom, BTW, I didn’t take husband’s last name. I am still going by my maiden name.”

To which she would respond, “Oh, darling, my bad, I’ll be sure to address you correctly next time” and that would be that.

I was not prepared for what happened…

I was shocked…

Not only did she know exactly what my choice was, she was deliberately trying to send me a message, via calling me by my husband’s name, that she did not approve.

She proceeded to lay into me with statements like “what kind of wife doesn’t take her husband’s last name.” “Why are you being so disrespectful to your husband?” “How do you expect him to love you if you won’t even use his name?”

I felt betrayed,

abandoned,

disrespected,

misunderstood,

attacked.

For years I’d tried to get close to my mother. I longed for that storybook mother-daughter relationship everyone around me seemed to have. You know, the “my mom is my best friend” type relationship. But I just never felt like that was remotely possible.

I wanted to feel supported and loved by her, not judged and criticized. And I wanted all this without having to change myself to please her or sacrificing what was important to me.

I wanted to improve my relationship with my mother, but I thought she was the one who needed to change. It was clear, that wasn’t soon to happen.

My mother felt righteous in her position and did not want to hear anything I had to say about my decision as a grown a** (short for autonomous) woman about what name I wanted to use.

After I wiped my tears, blew my nose, and regained my composure,

I got to work to learn everything I could about how to better manage my relationship with my mother so I would never have to feel this kind of hurt ever again.

If you have ever been hurt by or frustrated with your mom or by someone close to you, whether it’s one of your parents, a co-worker, your boss, a sibling, a friend, your teenager, your lover or your spouse, I can help you.

Using the strategies I learned from my research, and frankly trial and error, to develop a loving, close relationship with my mom, I’ll guide you to creating the relationship you want. In fact, I can help you improve any relationship with anyone or anything–your body, your career, your finances, really anything.

These are all just relationships between you and that thing, no different from your relationship with a person. The skills that apply to having an improved relationship with a person equally apply to your relationship to anything in your life.

If you want help with your relationships, it’s but one button click away.

Book a Call

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What’s your relationship with alcohol?

Yvette McIntire — Sun, 23 May 2021 17:01:47 +0000

Do you want to drink less? That may seem like a strange question, but I’m talking to you if you want to have a relationship with alcohol that is not based on all or nothing. If you think you have a true addiction, there are other programs for you. If labeling yourself or claiming a disease doesn’t fit your behavior, but you simply want to cut back, you can.

This class is for people who want to be able to enjoy a beverage or not, without it being a big deal. You want to stop using alcohol to calm down at the end of the workday or to feel comfortable in a social setting or you want to stop at one rather than absently ending up drinking three. In short, you want to cut back effortlessly, always feel amazing the next day after, and drop those few extra pounds that have crept on as you have gone from an occasional glass to more regular consumption.

The Life Coach School where I trained as a coach offers an effective program for helping you stop overdrinking. I’ll be starting a pilot program using this effective strategy on June 1, 2021, for people who want to explore their relationship with alcohol for the purpose of stopping overdrinking.

Price? $297 (pilot program pricing)
Result of a better relationship with drinking and with yourself? PRICELESS

Sign up using this link and pass this along to anyone you know who wants to stop overdrinking. https://app.acuityscheduling.com/catalog.php…

Dates: Live Training and Coaching Calls, Tuesdays, 4 PT/5 MT/ 6 CT/7 ET, June 1-July 6 (You’ll get the Zoom link once you sign up and pay.