Slicker Than Your Average~

Citizen Sheep

2012-01-26T21:14:00.001+05:00

A Maldivian chronicler once recounted an anecdote of the late Prince Hassan Farid Didi who remarked back in the 1930’s that granting democracy to Maldivians is like giving a handkerchief to a monkey.

“The monkey doesn’t know what a handkerchief is used for and soon it will wipe its bottom with it” [Continue Reading]

[This piece was first published on Minivan News, 24 Jan 2012]

Pounding on an open door

2012-01-13T22:14:00.002+05:00

The world's largest Qur'an was unveiled in Kabul yesterday in the presence of senior clerics and government officials, who hailed it as a 'great achievement' for Afghanistan and Muslims around the world.

It took over 5 years to finish; 218 pages, with gilded letters and varied, intricate calligraphy designs on 7 feet long pages.

For five years, a calligrapher and his students toiled to produce a considerable work of art. It is beautiful and admirable by itself.. but strikes me as patently immoral and wrong given the larger picture.

It's the same nagging feeling I get when I see the Catholic Pope wearing a golden hat, sitting in his golden throne inside his giant palace, while preaching the words of a carpenter's son. I also feel the same when I'm inside a mosque with grand domes, high ceilings, plush carpets, and golden chandeliers.

Does this ostentatious display of extravagance and - in cruder terms, dick measuring - have anything to do with piety? How tall does a minaret have to be to impress God?

When you're in a war torn nation mired in corruption and violence, with Muslims killing each other and raping young boys.. you can't hail a giant book as an example of Islam.

It reminds me of the resonating words of one of the earliest Sufi poet saints, Rabi'a of Basra:

I carry a torch in one hand
And a bucket of water in the other:
With these things I am going to set fire to Heaven
And put out the flames of Hell
So that voyagers to God can rip the veils
And see the real goal.

~Peace!

How to multiply by 100

2012-01-09T21:56:00.001+05:00

The following horror story is based entirely on true events. Programmer discretion is advised.

Imagine a scenario where you have a number with 2 decimal places. Say, 799.00. But right at this moment, you don’t want that decimal point to be there.

In an ideal world, you would just multiply by 100 or something. The rest of humanity has done this for centuries without incident.

But this is not an ideal world. Far from it. This is a terrifying, cruel world with the madness pouring out of it like a burning clown juggling flamethrowers inside a cuckoo clock.

So, in this terrifying world, here’s how you do it:

First, you need to ensure that there’s a decimal point. (But of course!)

This is best accomplished by the brilliant method of first converting a calculated sum to an integer (no don’t leave!), then converting it into text and then slapping a “.00” to the end. Then, finally, reconverting the whole thingama back to a float.

There you go. There’s your decimal point. Stay with me here.

Now that all traces of logic and reason have been completely vaporized and teleported to another dimension, we may proceed.

The next step is to search and verify if there does indeed exist a decimal point - disregarding the 5 lines of code you just wrote where you manually formatted that crap to include a decimal and two zeros at the end.

(Hey, jinnis exist, and they can mess with your variables and shit)

Once you have confirmed that a decimal place does indeed exist (what are the chances?!) the next thing to do is to figure out the portion that precedes it. In a sane, logical world, you might accomplish this by using something like a simple truncate function. But hey, where’s the fun in that?

Instead, you take that float, and convert that shit right back to text again.

Now, use a text function to return everything except the last three places. (ha! c’mon. it’s not like we don’t already know that they’re just the decimal point followed by the 2 zeros... bwahaa! LOL! shh! ahem *serious face*)

Now, store this returned value into a carefully hidden, completely anonymous textbox that will, at various points, store a variety of such temporary marvels.

Why? Because, fuck variables. That’s why.

But coming back to the text.. Come to think of it. What if the two digits after the decimal point weren’t zeros? I mean, we did manually stick that “.00” to the end. But who knows?! (See: The aforementioned Jinnis)

Indeed. So with just that scenario in mind, we use another text function to retrieve the last two digits. And..wait for it... append it to whatever was in the textbox.

The decimal point is now history.

“But”, you might wonder, “couldn’t you just have removed the decimal place with a simple replace method - or even better, never have put in the darn thing in the first place?”

In fact, why are we doing any of this?

Because. The world has gone utterly, irrevocably mad. That’s why.

If, at this point, you haven’t already pulled a gun on yourself, congratulations. You could be the next Dalai Lama.

_

*sigh* Fun times maintaining old code.

Why won’t anyone kill me already?

~Peace!

Shaheem Scandal

2012-01-08T00:12:00.000+05:00

For the remaining two people who haven't heard yet, prominent Adhaalath Party cleric Mohamed Shaheem Ali Saeed is caught in a 'scandal'.

Raajje TV aired hidden camera footage of a grinning Sheikh Shaheem getting it on with some buruga clad female.

Now, I have yet to see a Maldivian who hasn't engaged in casual sex, but just look at this man's resume!

Served as Minister of State for Islamic Affairs
Pushed for the original draconian Religious Unity Regulations
Has led hundreds in Friday prayers at the country's central mosque
Prominent advocate of 'sharia' punishments such as flogging for 'adultery'
Vocally protested last month to 'protect Islam' against corrupting influences

Considering all that, it would be just too easy to join in and revel in the hilarity of the moment.

Instead, I'd like to remind Maldivians that this right here is the biggest problem with theocracy and "God's law" - we only have vain mortals around to implement it.

This is absolutely why we cannot have afford to have religion in politics; those in power who seek to impose rigid "morality" on others seldom apply these scruples to themselves.

Ghalib put it most appropriately:

"The Sheikh hovers by the tavern door,
but believe me, Ghalib,
I am sure I saw him slip in
As I departed."
_

~Peace!

No animal shall sleep in beds…with sheets.

2012-01-04T00:12:00.001+05:00

Would Maldivians who today complain of the rising prices of coffee willingly go back to living in huts, defecating by the sea, and starving in stormy weather? [Read more]

-

Published on Minivan News, 3 Jan 2012

2012.

2012-01-01T00:16:00.000+05:00

Happy New Year.

Guilt trips.

As a species, did we really get our priorities right this past year? Will we get them right next year?

Hope the next year brings less religion, and more empathy to my people.

~Peace.

The Intolerant Constitution

2011-12-24T20:16:00.002+05:00

12th century copper plate grants found in the Maldives reveal the blood-soaked, painful process of conversion of the Maldives to Islam. The Sultans of the day went through the trouble of bringing in Buddhist monks and beheading them in the capital.

The modern day Maldives takes a much simpler route. The 2008 Constitution unilaterally declares all Maldivians to be Sunni Muslim without the courtesy of so much as an opinion poll.

Maldivians in general are quite proud of the ‘100% Muslim’ statistic that is frequently bandied about. But it raises a few fundamental questions that are nevertheless extremely taboo in the Maldivian society.

At what point of Maldivian history has there ever been a public census on religion?

Does the Maldivian state even have the right to unilaterally declare a citizen’s beliefs? Which other Islamic State or Empire in Islam’s 1400 year old history has taken this liberty – and under whose authority? [Read more]

[My piece published on Minivan News, 21 Dec 2011]

Sun, Sand and Intolerance

2011-12-12T11:20:00.001+05:00

“We are entering the fourth year of democracy but unfortunately, many basic freedoms and rights have yet to be achieved for all Maldivians. It is unacceptable in this day and age that non-Muslim Maldivians are discriminated against in their own country,” he said. “This is their country as much as ours.”... [Read More]

A cowardly attack

2011-12-11T06:56:00.001+05:00

Yesterday, a bunch of 5 or so bearded thugs were sent to the Artificial Beach in Male' to attack a gathering of silent protesters who were seated in protest against the lack of Religious freedom in the Maldives.

And they did this.

And that.

Here's how it happened:

A group of non-anonymous, vocally liberal, secular-minded Maldivians reached out to each other on Facebook. (And no. I promise I was not involved this time)

They had the same concerns as any other thinking, humane and considerate human being in the world would have about the lack of religious freedom and the oppression of minorities in the Maldives. In particular, they took the example of Ismail Mohamed Didi, the young non-Muslim air traffic controller who was driven to suicide in July 2010 after facing immense social pressure from the Maldivian society.

Knowing full well the dangers of standing up for something in a society as pig-headed as the Maldives, they nevertheless went ahead and decided to stage a silent protest on the Human Rights day, demanding Freedom of Religion.

One of them, Dhona, made a short video to publicize the event, which of course caught the attention of intolerant nitwits, too many of whom have an internet connection.

It also caught the eye of 2 of our honourable MPs, who I shall not yet name. Let's just say they both belong to this certain political party that is run by a certain former autocratic ruler. (Yes, I can be very vague.)

Anyways. These 2 honorable MPs summoned Dhona via a mutual contact to a 'meeting' on Thursday to discuss what this planned protest was about. By the time she went, however, there was only one of them there.

Dhona told the MP exactly what had been planned - a group of Maldivians were going to gather at the Artificial beach, and sit in silent protest for the cause of freedom. The MP, for reasons not entirely clear to me, tried to dissuade her from "organizing" the event, going so far as to quote scripture. It didn't work.

On her way back, however, the mutual contact who had been present throughout the conversation told Dhona to avoid going to the assembly, as things could get ugly. He also told her, about 2 days in advance, that they would target Hilath.

Oh yeah. When I said the bearded thugs were sent, I did mean they were sent. By who, I do not know.

Anyway, the group wasnt' intimidated by the threat and went ahead with the plans. They assembled outside a fast food restaurant near the beach, as the main stage had been booked by a certain political party run by a former dictator.

Hilath called me at a few minutes past 4 to say there was a group meeting up and if I was joining. I would have, but I was busy working, so I didn't.

Less than 25 minutes later, I'm informed that he's seriously hurt. The hired pseudo-religious thugs arrived out of the blue. Without any provocation or notice, they went straight to attack Hilath, kicking him on the chest and aiming for the head with stones.

The fight in progress.

Dhona had the presence of mind to whip out her phone camera and start taking pictures, even as she was being threatened.

Hilath bled a lot, as seen in the pictures. In the struggle that ensued, some others suffered minor injuries.

The Police arrived, but by then the thugs had apparently left, but not before issuing more threats. One guy in particular, didn't like the fact that he was being photographed. In fact, he didn't like it to the extent that he has threatened to kill anyone who leaked his photograph.

So naturally, here's his photograph.

It's the least I could do to honour the wishes of a grown up man who's threatens a girl with harm

Even after the Police arrived, I'm told there was some confrontation. One man was openly threatening the girl with violence, saying the Police couldn't stop him. This was, of course, said within the policeman's earshot and he didn't do a thing. In the Maldives, religion gives everyone a license to threaten / hurt / kill.

Hilath was taken away on a friend's motor bike to the hospital where received stitches on his head.

Since the Police at the scene seemed to think it was too beautiful a day to engage in mundane tasks like gathering witnesses or taking statements, three of the attendees decided to go to the Police HQ itself to have the case reported.

They showed the cops pictures of the attack in progress, as well as the attackers. But the Police refused to take a statement from anyone except Hilath.

This is strange behaviour on their part because the rest of them were attacked and threatened as well, even in Police presence.

Even more startlingly, they refused to accept the photographs as evidence until they'd spoken to a 'superior officer'.

I presume the conversation went something like this:

"Sir! We have three key eye-witnesses from the public assault crime scene with multiple photographs of the crime in progress. Do you think we should take a look at it.. you know.. for evidence perhaps?"

"Yes, doofus bin Einstein."

"Sir! Y'ssir!"

Anyways, they called later in the night asking for the photographs, which, I'd like my fundie friends who're reading this to know have also been distributed to every media outlet and agency the FB group could think of.

Now, let's check the fundie social media checklist at this stage.

a) Passive aggressive name calling, with the tired old 'ladheenee' phrase. Check.

b) Faux outrage and chest thumping pseudo-nationalism and bravado. Check.

c) Too much information. Threats. Check.

So. It appears the cowardly attack on the silent, non-violent protesters today was entirely premeditated and planned.

It is just ironic when the so called practitioners of the 'religion of peace' show up in public to assault civilians, use swear words and threaten a girl.

I'm also a bit disturbed at the possible implication of a certain 2 MPs in this case, because the advance warning proves beyond all doubt that someone in their immediate circle knew it was coming.

Why? I don't know.

I have been told in no uncertain terms that I WILL come to harm, and stand a real risk of getting attacked / stabbed / hurt / mugged in public for writing this post and publishing these photographs.

I admit that made me consider this for a while. Say, about 20 seconds. But when you have cowardly thugs - no matter how well protected by politicians - coming up and harming unarmed civilians and my friends, and threatening an innocent girl with 'dire consequences', I'm afraid I cannot let it simply pass.

That would be too cowardly a thing for me. Even if I had to get stabbed for it. Which I absolutely expect to happen.

Here's one last picture from Facebook, of the alleged thugs.

~Peace!

P.S. Tell mom I love her.

warm up

2011-12-08T18:37:00.001+05:00

For all my alleged computer-savvy, I prefer sitting in a cafe' with a pen and notebook when I'm writing.

At least thrice in the last month, I have angrily scribbled long passages, jotting down my frustrations and wanting to know answers. But each time, my pen just falls silent from the sheer depressing nature of my words.

Seeing the unabashed bigotry, censorship and raging intolerance in my country has always been disheartening, but recently I've begun feeling the same sense of hopelessness that many people had warned me of before.

I've actually begun avoiding the local news to avoid the constant stream of boiling bullshit. I've tried writing about these things.. but it's just too disappointing. I'm beginning to think that if the Maldives wants to burn, let it burn. I'll just fiddle.

And yet, the burnt and broken SAARC monuments in Addu, the crass response to a well-intentioned speech by the UN Human Rights Chief, and the million-idiots march scheduled for later this month... all beget the question: how low can we stoop as a nation?

I often ask this question. But now I realize I don't really want to hear the answer.

_

A toll on liberal voices

2011-11-25T18:05:00.001+05:00

If Gayoom planted the seeds of religious intolerance, the harvest is now in full bloom under President Mohamed Nasheed's government.

Controversial preachers like Bilal Philips and Zair Naik, who have been turned away from other shores, were brought in to preach at heavily publicised and nationally televised public lectures. Where there was once a vague fear of Christian missionaries, there is now a full-blown paranoia and open hostility towards non-Muslims, visible in the form of a strong backlash to the mildest of provocations...[Read More]

_

My article on the growing censorship and religious intolerance in the Maldives. [Himal Southasia, 25th November 2011]

Censorship again.

2011-11-19T12:38:00.001+05:00

The other day, I alerted Hilath that his website was not accessible.

He wasn't in Male' at the time and sounded surprised, and said he would check with his webmaster and respond to me.

Sure enough I got the following SMS the next day:

"Dhiraagu has sent an e-mail to my webmaster saying my website has been officially blocked due to an offical request from Telecommunication Authority of Maldives"

According to him, the email sent by his hosting provider gave no reasons for the ban, nor any word on who originally demanded the censorship.

A Sun Online report the next day, however, carried a statement from TAM saying that the ban was carried out at the behest of the Islamic Ministry, which is run by the same Adhaalath party mullahs who are often heavily criticized by Hilath in his posts.

This is worrying for several reasons. When a so-called democratic government assumes the power to unilaterally silence its critics without any notice, then you know that tyranny has taken hold.

It is even more alarming when you realize that this was no formal media organization or news website. It was a citizen's personal blog that has been shut down by the self-appointed gatekeepers of Islam.

Now, Hilath's blog needs no introduction.

The man has been pushing the boundaries of free expression in the Maldives, speaking openly about fanatic wahhabism, gay rights, and the all-round hypocrisy of the Maldivian state - a country that has in recent weeks virtually become unadulterated pornography for anyone who gets off on intolerance and bigotry.

At least the burnt, smashed and petrol bombed remains of the SAARC monuments in Addu could be explained away as the actions of crazy fundie idiots who are incapable of reasoning, and whose hatred and paranoia is known to explode into all-too-familiar violence and destruction.

But when a government run by the Maldivian "Democratic" Party, led by President Nasheed who was once a condemned journalist himself, goes about censoring websites and silencing critics, then it is time to sit up and take notice.

This isn't, after all, the first time this government has clamped down on free speech. In the first few months after coming to power, the government shut down a dhivehi language Christian website and several other websites critical of the Adhaalath party mullahs.

Apart from this, the government intelligence agencies continue to spy on citizens' personal communications and police personnel have been discovered to anonymously harass ordinary citizen bloggers, including me.

Today, the hollowness of Anni's promises of making the Maldives 'a haven for dissident writers' lies exposed.

Instead, the message is quite clear: kneel down before the Islamists in the government, or they will gag you and force you into submission.

If anyone still has any illusions that we're living in a democratic state, they can lose them now.

~Peace!

Sun Online feels threatened by Jesus

2011-11-08T18:42:00.001+05:00

A Sun Online magazine report I read today suggests that at least one of its reporters has begun seeing Jesus Christ in SAARC promotional posters hung at airports and other public spots around the country.

Source: Sun Online

According to the report, images of Jesus were accompanied by the slogan "building burijus", which is no doubt some kind of secret, subliminal Zionist code for leading pious Maldivians astray.

Being a responsible news media, Sun Online protects its readers from Jesus by publishing a poor quality photograph of the offending banner clumsily placed on one side (which I have reproduced here cropped and rotated 90° in Paint, out of concern for your necks)

This might seem funny to my average reader, but I assure you this is no laughing matter.

As I have previously pointed out on this blog, Maldivians are perhaps the world's truest Christians - being the only population in the world that is seemingly just one visual stimulus away from dropping their Islamic pretenses and following in the path of Jesus, their Lord and Saviour.

The Sun Online reporter, for instance, notes that his magazine was being contacted by "concerned citizens" who were no doubt beginning to question their Islamic faith after seeing the prophetic images of Jesus popping up everywhere.

According to Mooinc, the design consultants who came up with the concept, the banners attempt to capture the theme of cultural and religious diversity in South Asia, which I'm shocked to learn actually consists of several countries that are not the Maldives, and not all of whom are '100%' genetically coded Muslims.

Maybe it is just me, but I can also easily spot a Buddhist chakra and other religious motifs in the same picture that Sun Online has published. But clearly, the power of Christ compels this Maldivian reporter to ignore everything else, and focus the headline exclusively on the Kimono-wearing awesomeness of Jesus.

This conforms completely to the prevailing theory that if Maldivians were to convert away from Islam, it will automatically be into the welcoming arms of Christ.

Thus we have the Kasauti generation of Maldivian women who can sit through hours of Ekta Kapoor produced bullshit on TV, yet remain completely impervious to the constant stream of Hindu religious rites, rituals and deities that are often depicted in them.

But an image of Christ hanging at the airport? Call in the National Guard!

Wait. Turns out the National Defense force is in Addu and - holy crap! Are those sniffer DOGS?!

That guy in the middle alone would make any bomb disarm itself. Just saying.

[Source: Haveeru Online]

Here's another interesting fact about Maldivians: We show a remarkable immunity to any seduction attempts from Hindus / Buddhists... but our collective will crumbles before the overwhelming power of dogs.

Dogs are right up there with Jesus Christ in their ability to shatter the average Maldivian's religious beliefs.

To be very clear, the average Maldivian runs into stray dogs all the time when visiting neighboring countries like India and Sri Lanka, and the worst that happens is some mild amusement.

But just as with Jesus, the Pope and the Cross - the same dogs gain magical powers once they land on Maldivian soil.

The sniffer dogs brought in for security purposes at Addu, for instance, have become controversial enough to attract multiple reports in the local media.

Even the MNDF officials are at pains to convince a wary public that these infidel dogs will be handled only by their Sri Lankan handlers because quite conceivably, the dogs might magically pass on the kaafir to our innocent MNDF personnel and, I presume, turn them homosexual.

You already see one guy taking pictures of our infantry's posteriors

[Source: Haveeru Online]

Clearly, our Zionist overlords have once again come up with a clever plan to disrupt the country's religious unity with magic Jesus banners, and they've also infiltrated our Defense forces with canine warriors, but I'm glad that our media - and at least one Sun Online reporter - is right there on the front lines, risking everything to bring us crucial, timely reports on issues of such national importance as banners hanging in airports.

~Peace!

Audible words

2011-11-05T03:31:00.002+05:00

Tonight, on an impulse, I decided to download and listen to an audiobook.

Somehow the idea of being read to rather than reading has never really appealed to me. I've tried listening to Podcasts and such before, but got bored quite quickly every time.

Reading remains one of the most satisfying things I do. The idea that I can create entire worlds, characters, plots and emotions in my head that are different from what anybody else imagined while parsing the same written symbols is just fascinating. (It also explains why I almost always hate the movies based on the books I like)

But tonight, I downloaded Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes - and listened to a female voice narrating 'A Case of Identity' as the good Dr. Watson.

And I admit. It turned out to be kind of nice.

After over a decade of desperately trying to figure out how to read my books while also dealing with the mundane but inescapable chores that life throws at us, this seems to be quite an elegant solution.

Right now, I'm working at a decent pace while also simultaneously listening to Steve Jobs' biography - and I'm surprised to know that I'm able to do both effortlessly.

Like Jobs himself is purported to have said: "I've finally cracked it!"

~Peace!

Black October

2011-10-31T02:08:00.000+05:00

This is kind of a personal post. There's probably nothing funny in here, and there's a good chance you might not even change your sexual preferences at the end of it. In other words, a complete waste of a blog post. Proceed with caution.

It's not every day you see a battle-weary blogger reduced to making emo posts on his once purposeful blog.

But this is no ordinary month. And I want to make sure I record this for future reference.

October has been by far the worst month of this year. Considering how I've still barely healed from the terrible wounds inflicted by February and May, that's saying quite something. At the end of it, I find myself tired, my self-esteem broken, my productivity dead and my reputation in tatters.

Right in the first week of this month, after I realized I wasn't getting any better at feeling comfortable in larger groups, I ended up canceling all my attempts at socializing. Somehow, things only got worse from there.

For some reason, I've been plagued by a feeling of despondency. I would literally sit with a utterly basic problem for hours without making the slightest headway, knowing full well that the normal me could tackle it in seconds.

There was a particularly bad week or two where, despite a deadline whooshing by, my mind just refused to focus on work. Considering how work is pretty much the only thing I have left to do anymore, you can imagine how shitty this can get. I'd sit all day and all night seeing bits of code dance in front of my eyes - and things just blurring into each other.

October thus became an endless ordeal of frustration, desperation, shame and guilt (refer the aforementioned deadline)

Then there's the sleeplessness.

For a couple of weeks, I averaged less than 2 hours of sleep per night. I would go to bed at dawn, and wake up startled just minutes later thinking I'd overslept. And this would continue to happen every few minutes. A week later, I found myself going to bed with just a little under an hour before I had to report to work again.

What makes it particularly worse is that I'm unable to quite explain to a third person, say my poor boss, why I'm so messed up.

'Wow. How come you're taking so long to do something this basic?'
I... don't... know.
'Is something wrong?'
Yes..?
'What is it?'
I.. don't.. know.

Like I've said before - in any decently run universe, my ass would have been fired twice over already.

One office-mate who I spoke to about my problem has suggested that this could be depression. But I don't feel particularly upset over anything. I've trained myself not to think about anyone or anything that would bring back bad memories.

In order to deal with this, I've mentally associated the 'bad' period with October - and I'm feeling slightly better knowing the month's come to an end. In fact, I've physically felt myself getting better - and there are increasingly moments where I feel suddenly in control.

The week long holidays in November should give me a chance to take a breather, step back, reboot and then get back into it with some semblance of normalcy.

But for now, I am full of regret over the wasted, terrible days of this terrible, terrible month.

~Peace!

[P.S. - I'm longing to once again lie on a beach at night, watching the stars fall. With any luck, I'll get myself to do this in the holidays]

:-(

2011-10-20T00:11:00.001+05:00

Distracted. Demotivated. Tired. Listless. Lonely.

The pits.

DhiTV fails at Science, Reporting

2011-10-17T00:16:00.001+05:00

Misinformation is a plague.

Tonight, DhiTV reported that a Swedish "scientist" had made an announcement at a conference in India that suggests Anni was lying about climate change and the threat of sea-level rise.

The reporter then plunged into a long report about how 'scientists' now claimed that it is proven beyond doubt that sea-levels are not rising in the Indian Ocean, and if anything, it was actually receding causing islands to grow in size.

Resorting to the time tested use of clever weasel words, the report also helpfully added that "some people" were now claiming that President Nasheed was only making these tall claims abroad to boost his personal image.

'Some people' tell me DhiTV is a filthy, irresponsible, misinforming propaganda outlet that is clueless about Journalism

(Not my view, of course)

What DhiTV failed to mention was that Nils-Axel Mörner, the said "Swedish Scientist", is a known climate-change denialist - and has been thoroughly discredited by the mainstream scientific community.

His claims carry weight among the ignorant due to the fact that he was former Chairman of the International Union for Quaternary Research's (INQUA) Commission on Sea Level Changes and Coastal Evolution.

But INQUA itself has distanced itself from his remarks, and said in a letter that "Nearly all of these researchers agree that humans are modifying Earth’s climate, a position diametrically opposed to Dr. Mörner’s point of view."

More interestingly, this 'scientist' is also into the medieval practice of dowsing.

This means that this man rejects overwhelming evidence and scientific data (that has convinced every other climate scientist in the world) as 'the greatest lie ever told", but he genuinely believes he can detect water and precious stones by holding a Y-shaped stick over it.

Curiously, however, he continues to generously refuse James Randi's million dollar offer for proving his supernatural abilities.

It's a shame when a so-called 'News' channel fails to properly present relevant facts, just so it can push its own political narrative.

Because of DhiTV's lack of journalistic ethics or responsibility, a lot of their viewers will sadly go to bed tonight a little more ignorant than before.

~ Peace!

Lessons

2011-10-07T04:12:00.000+05:00

A girl I once knew spoke of being inspired by the line 'Happiness is a habit'. Somehow, I never got the meaning.

But I am increasingly aware that loneliness is an addiction.

.

The Humiliation of Fareed

2011-10-06T05:26:00.000+05:00

When the Religious Unity regulations turned out to be an anti-climax - with what was supposed to be the Adhalaath party's grand strategy to forever rule the country becoming, instead, a restraining order of sorts - the Mullahs reacted with fury.

The Islamic Foundation of the Maldives's favorite speaker, the Jew-bashing, misogynist Mullah Fareed bravely stepped on a prime time MNBC One TV debate show to tear down the regulations, armed with his usual theatrics and bravado...

... only to have his ass handed to him by Ibra, who was defending the regulations.

The lesson to IFM is this: Never send a fanatic to debate an academic, or he'll end up looking as ridiculous as Fareed in the below videos.

Peace~!

Good riddance of bad rubbish

2011-09-27T00:56:00.001+05:00

After years and months of throwing endless tantrums, Adhaalath party has finally decided to act on its "threat" to quit the government.

Reading out a long list of issues it has with the government - including normalizing ties with Israel, and the recent amendments to the Religious Unity regulations that pulled the Caliphate throne from under Shaheem's posterior - they announced that soon, there'll be no more Adhalaath party mullahs in the current government.

I cannot tell you how truly sad I am at the news

Notably, two unnamed members of the party voted against the resolution.

And as it happens, there were also two prominent absentees at the press conference: Cabinet Minister of Islamic Affairs Majeed, and State Minister Hussein Rasheed.

Majeed had recently approved the amended Religious Unity regulations with its anti-hate speech clauses, and Hussein Rasheed continues to be on a extended streak of sounding completely reasonable. (Note to self: find out what potion Anni has been feeding these two)

Meanwhile, the Adhaalath claims to have no plans to enter into a new coalition with another party.

However, I have learnt from certain sources that this time they intend to hop into bed with the newly formed PPM, led by former President Gayoom - yet another guy they once publicly declared a 'non-Muslim'. (For more on Adhaalath's career prostitution, read here.)

The government now has no more excuses against cracking down on hate sermons from Adhaalath "sheikhs" from inside public mosques.

The only advice I have for the Adhalaath is this: Careful! Don't let the door splinter your divine ass on the way out.

~Peace!

Magic box

2011-09-21T21:34:00.001+05:00

I have a pretty standard workstation. A chair, desk, computer, a locker, a shelf, two drawers, a couple of monitors, and a shit ton of cables coiled like horny snakes behind the said monitors.

In line with corporate policy around the world, they also made sure everything was a uniformly dull battleship grey, in case someone got too excited about the place.

It was about a week after I joined work that I first pulled out the large, grey bottom drawer. Obviously, the previous guy who sat in the spot didn't have time to clear his stuff out, because it was loaded with the strangest assortment of things. There was a large nylon jacket, greeting cards, a foldable Chinese hand fan with a fresco design, a lot of electronic wizardry, cords, wires... and a coffee mug with dongs printed all over it.

Now, remember how when you were young, and every time an imaginary fairy, mermaid or leprechaun would grant you a wish, you would wish for a magic ring that would grant you any number of wishes? Or a magic pot that would produce endless quantities of food or money?

Or. A box out of which you could pull out anything.

For the next few months, this drawer would be that magical box for me.

Shit! Phone’s out of charge! No worries. Here’s a charger.
Wait, you want one with a different pin? Well, here’s an adaptor for it.
Oh, you’d rather have a completely different phone? Sure thing.

The 1ft X 1ft X 2 ft drawer held a seemingly endless number of things. Webcams. Microphones. Headphones. Clips. Card holders. Magnetic pins. Pencil sharpeners. Erasers. Rulers. Notepads, Mouse pads. Mice. If I ever needed anything, I just needed to fumble around in it a little till I found whatever I was looking for.

One day, it even turned up a pair of quite decent speakers. The owner of the penis-adorned coffee mug was quite obviously a wizard, and I was blessed enough to be seated in his former seat.

My months of joy and abundance, however, abruptly came to an end one day. The new boss, upon learning that the office hadn’t seen a cleanup since the cold war, ordered an immediate spring cleaning.

As my office mates and I emptied hitherto unopened drawers, cupboards and shelves, we unearthed such treasures as ancient floppy disk sets of Windows (95?), Red Hat Linux and MS Office.

By the time we were done, there were several large mountains of stuff piled around the room. My own magic drawer, in one last hurrah, threw up a box of ancient magnetic tapes that I’d never noticed before, and no one could recollect anymore.

I threw it all away, but retained the floppy disks that I foolishly think my grand-kids might be interested in someday.

It's not many people who know exactly how the greedy couple who killed their golden goose felt like. But I can tell you, it is horrible.

Even today, whenever I need something, I instinctively reach for the bottom drawer, only to be met by the crushing sight of a couple of old disks lying at its once endless bottom... :-(

~Peace!

The Right to Remain Silent

2011-09-18T00:07:00.002+05:00

Non-Muslims in the Maldives may exist as physical flesh-and-bones entities, but if they value their lives, liberty and security, then they must adhere to the strict code of conformity and total silence... [Read More]

_
By some tragic coincidence, my above Op-Ed article about the lack of religious freedom for minorities in the Maldives got published on the same day as the introduction of stringent new "Religious Unity Regulations" that seeks to further harass non-Muslims, both Maldivian and foreign.

~Peace!

Dhivehistan Regulations

2011-09-17T14:12:00.000+05:00

HaveeruOnline reports that the Religious Unity Regulations have finally been gazetted, along with "amendments" suggested by the Ministry of Islamic Affairs.

I am unable to download a copy of it from the official website, so I don't know what exactly is in it yet.

But if it contains even 50% of the original provisions, then I think we can safely say the Maldives is now effectively a theocracy.

Will this start a new era of censorship, clampdown on media, and thought control in Dhivehistan?

Very much, yes.

[Update: I got a chance to read the new Regulations. A lot of the more draconian measures proposed in the original regulations have been eliminated or toned down.

It does NOT, in fact, contain 50% of the original provisions - the 40 odd original articles have been pared down to 12. :-)

I appreciate the measures to outlaw discrimination against women, and hate-mongering in sermons. However, there still remains the issue of media censorship which remains my primary concern. Could have been worse. Should have been better.]

-
~Peace

Self-hating Maldivian

2011-09-15T03:18:00.004+05:00

I usually try to avoid speaking ill of Maldivians – in case I come across as some kind of elitist snob who’s too good for his own country.

As it happens, I love my country. I’m absolutely fascinated by its culture, love the sound of bodu beru, curse myself for my inability to speak, read and write perfect Dhivehi (yet), and am exceedingly proud of my identity as a mahl.

In fact, I tend to think of myself as just slightly on the ultra-nationalistic side - and have on occasion quite literally considered adopting the traditional Maldivian sarong as my chosen attire. Regular readers would also know of my love for the traditional fen faivaan. They would also recollect that my first ever Op-Ed piece for a newspaper was titled ‘An Identity for Maldivians’ – lamenting the lack of respect we have for our own cultural heritage.

While I quite agree with most of my humanist friends that land borders that divide us into countries are often mere, meaningless imaginary lines - I also think that nationhood is decided more than by just imaginary geographical boundaries, but by a sum of a lot of shared history, values and unique cultural traits that bind us together, and I love that.

I appreciate it when some restaurants make their waiters adopt traditional Maldivian style clothing. I love to see women in the traditional, floral dhigu hedhun and libaas; love to see the giant National flag proudly unfurled in the Republican square on a windy day, and I have an insatiable appetite for traditional Maldivian folklore.

And I assure you, there’s not a single soul in the country prouder than I am when our President gives a giant one-finger salute to the Mullahs, and goes ahead with his bodu beru dance routine.

To be fair, I probably would have loved this anyway

[Image Source: Minivan News]

The point is this: I’m quite secure and immensely proud of my Maldivian identity, my ancestry and the rich history that preceded my being born on this tiny speck in the middle of the ocean.

I love the Maldives.

It is simply some Maldivians that I cannot stand.

Some commentators on Minivan News, and other strangers, have called me a 'self-hating' Maldivian - often because evil, Zionist yaamyn inside their heads is a deranged, anti-Palestinian bigot. This is despite my repeated assurances that I strongly sympathize with the Palestinian cause, which, in any case, has really nothing to do with my views on Maldivians.

A friend of mine recently pointed out the irony of these emotional critics calling me a 'self-hating' Maldivian. Interestingly, it turns out that the 'self-hating' prefix was popularized by right-wing Zionists to vilify those Jews who were perceived to be against the State of Israel.

To think the people accusing me of "Zionist" sympathies have to borrow words from Zionist vocabulary!

I also want to quickly share another thought I recently had:- Thanks to years of writing under my real identity, I have developed quite a thick skin when it comes to online criticism. I have seen practically every possible comment, retort and response - and I no longer find anything shocking, offensive or disturbing.

I have reached a point where I am able to effortlessly filter out the emotions from comments and sieve out objective, valid criticism without taking the slightest offense - even when offense was probably meant.

This ability to maintain some disconnect between Internet feedback and personal emotions allows me to look critically at my own posts. Sometimes, I tend to agree more with those who criticize my Op-Ed articles, than with commentators who praise me.

But this detached, non-emotional way of looking at things can sometimes backfire when I forget that others may not have the advantage of being similarly inured to written criticism over the years.

I sometimes mock, ridicule and dish out the same kind of blunt criticism that I can easily take, without immediately realizing that the person on the other end might take it quite personally. This is fine in most cases, because most of my more aggressive comments are usually made in response to a confrontational (or just plain retarded) comment.

But sometimes, I see the lines increasingly blurring between "Internet people" and people I might have to deal with in real life. This sort of puts me in a hard place, where I might be forced to curb my tendency to say things as I see them, in order to prevent easily wounded people from developing a real life grudge against me!

Unlike on the Internet, I'm easily hurt by real life confrontations.

Something I probably need to work on right away.

~Peace!

"Promise."

2011-09-12T02:03:00.000+05:00

Baby.
Hey babe.
I love you. I think you're the coolest guy in the world.
Oh. Come now-
I mean it.
Really? Have I told you lately? You're the most beautiful girl I know.
Aw. You always make me feel so special...
Because you are. The Universe expands because I love you more every day.
I'll love you to the end of time.
You're the one. You'll always be mine forever. I'll never, ever let you go.
Promise?
Promise.

Bleurgh.