Irina Shayk Cut Out Dress

Blue Life

Blue Life Cut Out Dress ($88)

Boo Hoo

Matilda Cut Out Detail Slinky Bodycon Dress ($13)

Boo Hoo

Kiera Cut Out Shoulder Bodycon Midi Dress ($24)

Boo Hoo

Lucile Cut Out Neckline Ribbed Bodycon Midi Dress ($22)

Alexander Wang

Alexander Wang Cut Out Stretch Dress (Reg $627 Sale $314)

Susan Monaco

Susan Monaco Katrina Cut Out Dress (Reg $180 Sale $55)

Stretta Dreseden Cut Out Dress ($284)

Lucca

Lucca Couture Cut Out Dress (Reg $95 Sale $57)

Donna Minzani

Donna Minzani Ultra Sound ($184)

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Russian supermodel Irina Shayk showed some serious skin at the “All is Lost” premiere in Cannes yesterday in a plunging Roberto Cavalli cutout dress with a sheer paneled skirt. Cutouts were a huge trend this spring, and while they can be a subtly sexy way of revealing just the right amount of bare skin, they can also make you look like you should be working The Boulevard with Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. To keep from looking cheap, stick with subtle (re: small) cut outs in one of three places: the shoulders, the arms, or the back. I don’t recommend cutouts in the breast, stomach, or hip/thigh area unless you’re getting all dolled up for a conjugal visit or a guest spot on Springer.

How to do cut-outs right (and wrong!) in the gallery above.

It’s hard to know who to hate more in this picture, Kim Kardashian or Madonna. Fortunately, a 15-inch barrel and bird shot means you don’t have to decide!

Webby wonders:

Did Robert Pattinson dump Kristen Stewart when he found texts from Rupert Sanders? (Celebitchy)

Tornado survivor finds her missing dog right in the middle of a live interview. *Tear* (Hollywood Rag)

You need this dress, and you need to pair it with a gladiator sandal. You should get on it right now. (Modavanti)

The one hundred greatest quotes from Arrested Development, in honor of this Sunday’s big premiere. (Mandatory)

Suffice it to say Ryan Gosling’s new movie is NOT a hit with the critics. (Huffington Post)

Miley Cyrus hopes that pictures of her cleavage will convince you her new single is worth downloading. It’s not. (Popoholic)

Francis Bean Cobain slams Kendall Jenner in a blistering battle of seriously does anybody care. (popbytes)

To the delight of the leering paparazzi, Miranda Kerr suffers a wardrobe malfunction. (Celeb Slam)

Paz de la Huerta looks like she swabbed her face with the inside of a potato chip bag. (DS)

Which famous athlete’s wife beat up his pregnant girlfriend? Jer-ry! Jer-ry! (BG)

Take a look inside Amanda Bynes’ weird drug den, where she and her wolfpack of one shave their heads and talk amongst themself. (Jezebel)

Kellie Pickler wins Dancing with the Stars. Now she’s officially D-list! (Daily Stab)

How classy is Rihanna? Two full cheeks’ worth, apparently. (ICYDK)

The top ten celebrity mug shots of all time. (Hollywood PQ)

The Ten most impressive redneck transformations of all time… plus Keanu Reeves. (Pajiba)

The Art of Fashion and where you need to go to see it! (Fashionologie)

Jessica Biel Serpent necklace

Jessica Biel Serpent necklace

Made Her Think

Made Her Think Open Serpent Collar Necklace ($236)

Adorina Sienna

Adorina Sienna stud serpent earrings (orig $125 sale $62.50)

Jacquie Aiche

Jacquie Aiche Snake Chain Finger Bracelet ($220)

Elizabeth & James

Elizabeth and James Meadowlark Large Snake Ring ($375)

Fallon Jewelry

Fallon Jewelry Snake V Pendant Necklace ($175)

Lulu Frost

Lulu Frost Tessa Cuff ($144)

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Jessica Biel’s feather-underskirted tea-length Marchesa dress is stunning on its own, but the piece de resistance of her red carpet look is her Bvlgari emerald and diamond serpentine necklace. Snakes are both terrifying and beautiful, like the old Angelina Jolie in her Billy Bob days, but wearing a live python around your neck is just too Dusk-Til-Dawn for real life. Not to mention snakes pee whenever they feel like it, and good luck getting a seat at the bar with an angry snake on your shoulders and stinking of snake pee. Do a serpent in metal and precious stones instead, and now you’re sexy and edgy while still being tasteful, like Angelina Jolie now.

More of Jessica on the red carpet in Cannes + seven ways to get your serpent on in the gallery above!

2013 Billboard Music Awards Worst Dressed

This year's tri-fail-ta: Ke$ha, Madonna, and Miley Cyrus.

2013 Billboard Music Awards Worst Dressed

I wish more fifty-something pop stars would make the crotch the center of their outfit. It's where you want the eye to gravitate.

2013 Billboard Music Awards Worst Dressed

I see Miley Cyrus found a great way to recycle the old furniture from the Florida room. .

2013 Billboard Music Awards Worst Dressed

Taylor Swift went straight from here to the Ice Capades. Chaz Michael Michaels, eat your heart out!

2013 Billboard Music Awards Worst Dressed

Ke$ha's loincloth and wimple, from the Tarzan and Tonto formal wear line.

2013 Billboard Music Awards Worst Dressed

Selena Gomez spent $800 dollars on this dive suit and it's already ripped right down the front.

2013 Billboard Music Awards Worst Dressed

Alyssa Milano

2013 Billboard Music Awards Worst Dressed

Carly Rae Jepsen: call me tacky.

2013 Billboard Music Awards Worst Dressed

Jennifer Lopez in Wonder Woman's gold mail outfit from Justice League Heroes. It took me two play-throughs to unlock it.

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The Billboard Music Awards were last night, and I don’t know because I’ve already stopped caring. Suffice it to say, the fashion certainly reflected the general milieu of the evening, “crap.” Leading the charge was Madonna, in a unfortunate combination of netting and no shame. Not since the days of The Heart Break Kid Sean Michaels have I seen such blatant display of crotch-centricity. Fail.

Nicole Kidman Cap Toes Pumps

Nicole Kidman Cap Toes Pumps

Nicole Kidman Cap Toes Pumps

Nicole Kidman Cap Toes Pumps

Nicole Kidman Cap Toes Pumps

Manolo Blahnik

Manolo Blahnik Irie Cap-Toe Quilted Pump ($695) his Manolo Blahnik pump is all about softness and shine—patent leather sharpens plush quilting. Perfectly poised mid-heel pump presents a contrast, strongly pointed toe to counterbalance soft quilted napa leather.

Steven

Steven Fearless Cap Toe Pumps ($149) The clean line of these patent leather pumps is accented with a polished metallic toe cap. Covered stiletto heel and leather sole.

Sergio Rossi

Sergio Rossi cap toe pumps ($512) A soft metallic sheen gilds these rich, colorblock patent leather Sergio Rossi pumps, which are fashioned with a striking cap toe and ultra-slim stiletto heel. Leather sole.

Sergio Rossi

Sergio Rossi colour block stiletto pump ($693)Green and pink leather pump from Sergio Rossi featuring a pointed toe cap with woven detailing, a contrasting black geometric print, a branded insole, a patent red panel to the rear and a leather stiletto heel.

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Apologies for the lack of updates the last few days — after a brief misunderstanding with the Miami-Dade Sheriff’s Office and the Ascena Retail Group, Inc., I have been released on my own recognizance with the understanding that I am not allowed within 500 feet of a Dress Barn. Apparently yelling at store patrons with a megaphone and burning Daisy Dollars constitutes harassment, even if it comes from a place of love. You can’t save everyone, I guess.

But I can still yell at you with the metaphorical megaphone of the internet, and today’s celeb look to steal is the cap-toe pointy-toe pump. If you don’t have one, get one (actually, you’ll probably need two, unless you have a peg leg). It’s classic, and an easy way to add color and texture to a neutral outfit. Plus the ones with metal cap-toes can really do a number on a kidney if you’re ever being wrongfully detained for trying to save women from the horror of polyester blends.

Some to try:

• These patent leather Steven Fearless pumps are accented with a polished metallic toe cap. ($149)
• Sergio Rossi’s cap toe pumps have a soft metallic sheen and rich colorblock patent leather. ($512)
• Manolo Blahnik’s Irie Cap-Toe Quilted Pump ($695) features a strongly pointed toe to counterbalance soft quilted napa leather.
• Sergio Rossi’s green and pink color block stiletto pumps have a pointed toe cap with woven detailing, contrasting black geometric print, a patent red panel and a leather stiletto heel. ($693)

In a New York Times op-ed piece called “My Medical Choice,” Angelina Jolie revealed that she underwent a double mastectomy after genetic tests showed she had an 87% risk of developing the breast cancer that killed her mother at age 56. People Magazine says:

The 37-year-old actress had the surgery in February and completed the last of the follow-up procedures in April.

“I wanted to write this to tell other women that the decision to have a mastectomy was not easy,” says Jolie in the column appearing Tuesday. “But it is one I am very happy that I made. My chances of developing breast cancer have dropped from 87 percent to under 5 percent. I can tell my children that they don’t need to fear they will lose me to breast cancer.”

Jolie, who has six children with Brad Pitt, says the actor was at her side every step of the way.

“I am fortunate to have a partner, Brad Pitt, who is so loving and supportive,” she writes. “So to anyone who has a wife or girlfriend going through this, know that you are a very important part of the transition.”

Pitt was with her “for every minute of the surgeries,” and even during the difficult times, “We managed to find moments to laugh together.”

“We knew this was the right thing to do for our family and that it would bring us closer. And it has,” she writes.

Jolie describes in detail her surgery and follow-up procedures, including receiving implants, and that now her children “see nothing that makes them uncomfortable.”

“They can see my small scars and that’s it,” she writes. “Everything else is just Mommy, the same as she always was. And they know that I love them and will do anything to be with them as long as I can.

“On a personal note,” she continues, “I do not feel any less of a woman. I feel empowered that I made a strong choice that in no way diminishes my femininity.”

I just hoped they kept a tight reign on whoever cleaned up after the surgeries, because I have a feeling genuine Angelina Jolie breast tissue would make a mint on eBay. I know the fake Angelina Jolie breast tissue I put up last week broke twenty bucks before the jerks made me take it down.

In other news…

Selena Gomez does tribal print in a triangle bikini. (Celeb Slam)

Will Smith said he lets his kids “make their own decisions” and that he “doesn’t pull the parent card,” and that brilliant method of parenting now has his fifteen year old son seeking legal emancipation. (Celebitchy)

Is Baz Luhrman’s The Great Gatsby just Moulin Rouge with a hip-hop soundtrack? (Huffington Post)

If the answer is “Tom Arnold and Kevin Federline,” I don’t think I really even want to know the question. (Mandatory)

Video of Kanye West walking headlong into a sign and then freaking out and trying to accuse the paparazzi of making it happen. (Hollywood Rag)

Rihanna got a new lame tattoo of a lion head on her index finger. (Hollywood PQ)

This is why you NEVER stick your genitals into a hornet’s nest. Boy, if I had a nickel… (COED Magazine)

SI swimsuit model Cintia Dicker for Hope Lingerie. (DS)

Which actress was devastated after she found out a co-star she was obsessed with had started a relationship with another performer? (Blind Gossip)

After Angelina Jolie’s revelation this morning, a CNN anchor reveals her decision to undergo a double mastectomy, too. (Jezebel)

Telling portraits of soldiers before, during, and after deployment. (The Stir)

RIP Dr Joyce Brothers. (Seriously? OMG)

Hayden Panettiere’s purple fringed bikini — love it, or leave it? (Socialite Life)

“Would you rather” is a classic game in which two worst-case scenarios are pitted against each other and you must choose one of the options, no matter how terrible it might be. For example, “Would you rather slide down a banister of razor blades into a pool of Texas Pete, or slide down a banister covered in Texas Pete and land in a pool of razor blades?” The new celebrity beauty trend of putting colored crap in your hair naturally lent itself to this game, because every way you slice it, it’s bad. Unless you’re thirteen or a blood relative of Rainbow Brite, you’re not pulling this look off.

Sooo… would you rather dip-dye your ends like Diane Kruger, or clip-in some color a la Kerry Washington?

Manhancing Underpants

Manhancing Underpants

Manhancing Underpants

Manhancing Underpants

Manhancing Underpants

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28-year-old rugby player-turned-model Thom Evans was debuted as the chiseled derriere of D. Hedral’s new line of manhancing, cheek-separating underpants. Mail Online explains:

D.HEDRAL’s Anglefit range [is] designed to shape and enhance a man’s bottom.

Each pair of the pants has been designed to help lift the bottom and give a more defined and pert look.

You know, if you’d have asked me yesterday, I would have sworn that “manhancing” was something you did with your coven during the vernal equinox to promote fertility. I think we all learned a little something here today.

Kate Upton Vogue 2013

Kate Upton Vogue 2013

Kate Upton Vogue 2013

Kate Upton Vogue 2013

Kate Upton Vogue 2013

Kate Upton Vogue 2013

Kate Upton Vogue 2013

Kate Upton Vogue 2013

Kate Upton Vogue 2013

Kate Upton Vogue 2013

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Kate Upton’s photo shoot in the June issue of Vogue has a real “Eva Herzigova in her Wonderbra heyday” look about it, and it really works for her. It’s a lot better than her photo shoot for V magazine, which had more of a “would you like us to stay on the line until help arrives” feel to it.

Suri Cruise

Suri Cruise

Suri Cruise

Suri Cruise

Suri Cruise

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Suri Cruise, the seven-year-old celebrity offspring of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, is reportedly launching her own clothing line this fall in New York. The Sun says:

The daughter of Tom Cruise has just inked a £1.5million deal and her label has been imaginatively named Suri.

If successful, the Suri brand will be rolled out in shops across North America next year.

The line will cover everything from dresses, tops and jeans to shoes and accessories.

Plans for a fashion range have been in the pipeline since last year, after several firms approached Katie.

The initial idea was for Suri to have a fashion blog, but the concept was extended after she started to talk about special designs for her clothes.

It seems a bit much, a seven-year-old with a fashion line, but if the Kardashians and Avril Lavigne can “design” clothes, then a second-grader is probably more than qualified.

Interweb revelations and gossip finds:

The best dressed celebrities of the week! Nowhere on the list: Avril Lavigne or Kim Kardashian. (Fashionologie)

Willow Smith looks like she was dressed by DJ Jazzy Jeff. (Socialite Life)

You need this bag in your life. Trust. (Modavanti)

Billy Joe Armstrong declared Gangham Style’s Psy “the herpes of music,” while I consider him to be more of a syphilitic ulcer of music. (Huffington Post)

Ten of history’s greatest bromances, harkening all the way back to Lewis & Clark. (Mandatory)

Oprah Winfrey isn’t much fun to work for. Or with. (BG)

JLo’s boytoy has his own umbrella handlers now. Seriously. (Celeb Slam)

Break out your Lady Bics — Kellan Lutz is a single man! (popbytes)

NBC cancels Whitney after two years, to which I said, “Whitney’s been on the air for two years?” (Jezebel)

Six of the best Arrested Development gifs for my fellow die-hard fans. (Daily Stab)

Audrina Patridge poses for a bunch of cheesy bikini pics with her DB boyfriend in Tahiti. (DS)

Tiger Woods is drizzunk. (The Blemish)

Is Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner’s marriage in trouble because Jen doesn’t trust him? (Celebitchy)

Meet the new model/muse/icons for H&M’s Spring 2013 collection! (Who What Wear)

Jennifer Love Hewitt in a cheap and predictable photoshoot for Stndrd Magazine. (G Celeb)