Yeeeah! - Snarky Celebrity Gossip

Meg Ryan is Fat

abby — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 13:02:56 +0000

46 year-old actress Meg Ryan put on 180 pounds for her new ~~straight to video~~ movie ‘My Mom’s Hot Boyfriend’ — literally. The Daily Mail says

The weight gain is only temporary as the actress’ [252 pound] transformation came courtesy of a very convincing fat suit. In the film, Meg eventually sheds the excess pounds and dates Hollywood heart-throb Antonio Banderas.

I can’t imagine any guy would ever want to know what you might look like 180 pounds heavier. That’s like asking him, “Would you like to see the placenta?” or “Do you want to talk about my sad feelings some more?” Besides, that’s what marriage is for.

The real (surprisingly hot) Megan Ryan in a bikini on the set:

Kim Kardashian and Shanna Moakler Cat Fight

abby — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 12:48:38 +0000

Shanna Moakler chucked a drink in Kim Kardashian’s face and called her a whore at Carmen Electra’s party in Malibu Sunday night. Girl fight! Girl fight! The argument apparently stemmed from emails Kim sent to Moakler’s ex-husband Travis Barker while she was modeling for his hideous clothing line “Famous Stars and ~~Craps~~ Straps.” Shanna claims that Kimmy wanted more from Barker than just a little “modeling work.” According to Page Six

“[Kim] was sending him text messages and e-mails… when Travis and I were working on [staying together],” Moakler [said]. “She was blatantly disrespectful. [I] wouldn’t even have gone to the party if [I] had known [Kim] was going to be there. I was going to leave, but I’m a human being. I get upset. I wasn’t drunk. She ruined my marriage and my family.”

Kardashian retaliated on Monday by strolling around in a T-shirt from Barker’s line in front of the paparazzi.

“It was in the poorest of taste,” said Moakler.

This chick right here (yes, those would be her panties) has some serious balls pushing the “bad taste” label on anybody. Look, I hate Kim Kardashian as much as the next girl, but come on. Shanna looks like she just got off the day shift at The Taint Bucket. As they say in Greece, it’s a classic case of the “είπε ο γάιδαρος τον πετεινό κεφάλα.” Loosely translated, that’s “The donkey calling the rooster a fathead.” I couldn’t find any Grecian colloquialisms that included the words “cum-stain” and “slutbag,” but I figure “donkey” and “fat-head” work pretty good here, too.

In the “poor taste” t-shirt:

Amy Winehouse Smokes Weed

abby — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 12:25:52 +0000

Amy Winehouse was photographed taking a step in the right direction yesterday — smoking a little Mary Jane while cruising around London with a friend. Finally. This bitch could seriously use a joint or seventeen. Mellow her out a little. God knows alcohol just turns her into the Tasmanian Devil with a beehive and coke makes her a snarling, clawing mess of insane, so marijuana is just the thing to quiet her demons. Provided you don’t have a two by four or a tranquilizer gun handy, of course.

S.S. Sophie Monk in a Bikini

Phil — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 01:38:04 +0000

Sophie Monk is a shitty actress with an even shittier resume of box office failures, but I doubt you’ll care because her bikini is virtually see-through when it’s wet. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned about this industry, it’s that you can be a boil on the ass of all things thespian and still get a job if you’re blond and have big tits. That goes double if you have a “will do full-frontal” clause in your contract and don’t mind sucking a little director dick from time to time. On the other hand, those qualifications only hinder your chances for a job if you’re looking for a part-time position at a daycare or old folks home. Just trust me on that one.

Quickies: Scattered, Covered, Smothered, Diced

abby — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 00:54:33 +0000

Scarlett Johansson stole Brooke Shields’ eyebrows. (Use My Computer)

Anne Hathaway’s secret diaries seized by the feds. (CelebNewsWire)

Lindsay and Samantha have a public quarrel! (MollyGood)

Ashlee Simpson lady lumps. (CelebWarship)

Girl fight: Fran Drescher vs Elisabeth Hasselbeck. (Allie is Wired)

Madonna is plagued with knee problems. I smell a blow job joke! (Holy Moly)

Mariah Carey as a 12 year-old hooker. (Hollywood Rag)

Megan Fox might be hot, but she’s also a crybaby ingrate cooze. (Websters)

For all my stoners out there — enjoy. (Robotzilla)

Bindi Irwin celebrates her birthday by… eating her dad? (Derek Hail)

Kid Rock Waffle House fight now on video! (The Rad Report)

Angie and Brad Conceived via In Vitro Fertilization

abby — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 00:27:19 +0000

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt conceived twins Knox and Vivienne through the magic of reproductive science. According to Us Weekly

The actress chose [in vitro fertilization] (which can cost around $12,000 a pop) so ’she wouldn’t have to deal with the stress of trying to get pregnant. She could just knock it out.’

“If we’re going to have 10 kids, we’d like to raise them while we’re young,” Angelina told Elle U.K. last year.

It’s easy to get impatient when you’re itching to start your family. Like Phiengchai Sisouvanh Synhavong of Washington state, for example. She bypassed fertility drugs altogether by stabbing a pregnant woman to death and cutting the unborn baby out her womb. Apparently homicide and kidnapping don’t cost near as much as in vitro fertilization. The down side is that they’re both class one felonies in all fifty states punishable by lifetime in prison and an eternity in hell. Sometimes the bargain isn’t always the best bet!

Sienna Miller Gets Digital Pubes

abby — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:46:52 +0000

Sienna Miller’s pubic hair was digitally altered for a more “authentic” look for her role in the movie “Hippie Hippie Shake.” According to Digital Spy

“The film is set in the swinging ’60s when fashion was wild and body hair even wilder,” said a source. “Unfortunately, Brazilian [waxes] weren’t common in the ’60s. Sienna’s private parts were digitally enhanced, giving her a rather unruly, loud and proud bush.”

What happened to fully committing to a role? Christian Bale, for example, lost nearly 70 pounds for his role in The Machinist. Sienna Miller couldn’t be bothered to lay off on the razor for three months? When I was in an adaption of Exit the King two years ago, I grew my bush till it was nearly six inches in diameter. It looked like I had Richard Simmons in a leglock. I was just a stagehand in the play, but that’s really beside the point. Sienna Miller’s just plain lazy.

The pics in case you missed them the first time:

Brooke Hogan to Pose for Playboy

abby — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:12:49 +0000

Good news for fans of transgender nudity — Brooke Hogan has been asked to bare it all in Playboy! The NY Daily News says

Brooke Hogan has been approached to pose nude for the famous men’s magazine — and she didn’t say no. The “Brooke Hogan Knows Best” star, 20, could use a boost for her stagnant career. Brooke has posed for [FHM] in the past, but has never posed nude.

You could shell out seven bucks for Brooke’s pictorial in Playboy, sure, or you could just find an out-of-work lumberjack to do a convincing tuck-and-hide in a see-through negligee. At least there’s still a little dignity in that.

A little preview of what “Sexy Brook” looks like:

Christian Bale’s Mom and Sister Wanted Money

abby — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:09:32 +0000

Rejoice! Your faith in Christian Bale can now be restored — his mother and sister filed those unfortunate assault charges earlier this week after he refused them a $200,000 loan. It’s all starting to make sense now! According to The Sun

The women said sister Sharon needed [$200,000] to help her bring up her three children. Christian was asked to loan [it to] her but refused and that caused an almighty row. Sources close to Bale said Jenny inflamed the situation by hurling insults about his wife.

[His mother and sister say] they did not want any publicity. But they say he bullied them. They are both devastated that it has come to this but want him to be taught a lesson.

You can always count on relatives to show up at an inopportune time and start demanding money. Especially in my family, where the monetary demands occasionally come with a court-ordered paternity test. Did I mention I’m from the South? Woo doggie! Cue the banjo music and the moonshine jug any time now.

At the Dark Knight premiere in Spain (1 & 2) and in London:

S.S. Audrina Patridge Bikini Pictures

Phil — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:31:03 +0000

If “The Hills” is the equivalent of television diarrhea, then Audrina Patridge is the shart that stains your metaphorical television pants. Here she is being totally useless at the DKNY Jeans Malibu Beach House, but you’ll note that she’s in a bikini in these pictures. It’s not often that wiping your ass and jerking off become one beautiful motion, but if you have no shame, embrace it. Plenty more where that came from, pervert.

Quickies: Suck Me Dry

abby — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 20:49:27 +0000

Kourtney Kardashian seems to prefer boxers over briefs. (The Blemish)

Meet the voice of Pikachu! (Robotzilla)

Amy Winehouse gets waxed. (Holy Moly)

Sherri Shepard’s snatch has seen more vacuum action than a Hoover. (Jezebel)

And yes, “in the butt” counts. (Pajiba)

Eva Mendes in her moist panties. (Websters)

Sam and Lindsay pledge their love with matching promise bracelets. (MollyGood)

Brad Pitt pulls a Britney Spears! (CelebSlam)

First photos of the pregnant man’s baby! (Celebrity Smack)

Do you really need a reason to see Jessica Biel turn around? (popbytes)

Miley Cyrus wants to get naked on the big screen. (Ninja Dude)

Happy Birthday Nick Hogan

abby — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 20:23:07 +0000

17 year-old Nick Hogan is about to get a little birthday present from the Florida penal system on Sunday. Penal. How apropos! According to TMZ

Bollea, who has been housed with juveniles, will be moved to an adult facility on Sunday, his 18th birthday. It’s an open dormitory type of setting where he’ll be in close contact with other adult inmates either awaiting sentencing or already sentenced in cases ranging from misdemeanors to felonies.

Ah, the gift of anal rape. Is there anything better? I know it certainly made my 13th birthday a day I’ll never forget. No matter how many therapists they make me talk to.

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