Yeeeah! - Snarky Celebrity Gossip

S.S. The USS Eva Longoria

sonya — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 22:24:21 +0000

I have an opinion of Eva Longoria, and it’s a great big, “Meh”. I’ve never watched anything with her in it so I really don’t care about her. But what DO I care about? Finding sexy time pictures for all you perverts. I know, I know. I’m a giver.

Eva and her jolly green black giant on their damned fancy boat of luxurious fun

Quickes: Do the Cabbage Patch

sonya — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 19:20:41 +0000

Mary-Louise Parker nude Esquire pics! (Egotastic!)

Halle Berry’s baby daddy shirtless and on display! (Popbytes)

Lady Gaga wears bondage gear to a press conference, because she’s an insufferable attention whore. (Hollywood Rag)

Peaches Geldof becomes a brainwashed robot Scientologist to impress Katie Holmes. (Holy Moly!)

Hey ladies, Edward Furlong, (that’s John Connor in T2) is single again! (Webster’s)

Times, they are rough. Carmen Electra has resorted to doing burlesque shows in Las Vegas. (CelebNewsWire)

Lady Gaga thinks the world wants to see her vagina. I’d rather see her walk off a building, but that’s just me. (IDLYITW)

Mr. Skin’s Top Celeb Nude Scenes #60-51! (Mr. Skin)

What was a Cabbage Patch Kid doing on the red carpet at the Harry Potter premiere? (The Bastardly)

Shia LaBeouf channels 1992 with his backwards adjustable cap. Nice! (Socialite Life)

Beautiful Diane Kruger Inglourious Bastards HQ pics! (UseMyComputer)

Alan Thicke makes out with G4’s Olivia Munn! (The Blemish)

Michael Jackson’s Body Travelled Through Secret Tunnel

sonya — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 18:10:29 +0000

No, it wasn’t LaToya Jackson employing some special eye of newt potion that enabled MJ’s body to disappear from the Staples Center, but an underground tunnel. E!Online has the exclusive information:

A source tells E! News that after the service, security moved the golden casket through an underground tunnel that connects the Staples Center to the Nokia Theatre. The tunnel—typically used by maintenance and food service workers and occasionally talent—runs beneath Chick Hearn Court, where hundreds of media were encamped following the ceremony.

La Toya, Rebbie and Janet Jackson used the secret passageway when they went across the street to thank the fans at the Nokia Theatre.

M.J.’s body was loaded into a van at an L.A. Live loading dock and was transported to refrigerated mortuary storage at an undisclosed location.

Sources also say that a “skulking gangrel creature with an ill-favoured look” was their guide through the passageway.

Babies are Creepy

sonya — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 16:26:15 +0000

At least they are when Evian water uses digitally enhanced ones in their commercial. I’d imagine that overpriced name brand water is taking a hit right now, but surely they could come up with something less creepy. Can’t sleep, roller skating babies will eat me!

Bromance

sonya — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 15:35:33 +0000

Bromance is in the air! David Beckham and Tom Cruise are going to be BFF’s 4-EVER! I bet they have their own secret best friend handshake, except it’s not so much as a handshake as a crotch grab. Says Daily News,

In “The Beckham Experiment,” Sports Illustrated writer Grant Wahl devotes nearly an entire chapter to the bromance between the soccer stud and A-list actor. To hear Becks tell it, Cruise has influenced every major decision he has made since the two met in 2003.

…Beckham says he talks to his best mate most days of the week and takes his advice on nearly everything. Tom was influential in Becks’ decision to take a job with the L.A. Galaxy. He also recommended Beckham’s physical therapist and introduced him to another superstar pal, Will Smith.

Cruise even influenced Beckham’s decision in naming his third son, Cruz.

“I must admit, when [Victoria and I] met Tom, I remember turning around to Victoria and saying, ‘Cruise is a great name, but we could spell it different,’” Beckham told Wahl for the book, due from Crown Publishing on Tuesday. “And also, living in Spain, Cruz is spelled the way it is in Spanish. So that’s why we got it.”

One thing the brothers from another mother don’t share, however, is a love of Scientology. Beckham is adamant that he has no interest in his pal’s faith. “It’s something I respect, because Tom’s explained to me and Victoria what it’s all about. But he’s never turned around and said, ‘That is what you should be doing,’ because he would never do that. He and Katie have their beliefs … but me and Victoria have also got our own.”

I thought that in Scientology, if those around you don’t drink the Kool-Aid, you’re supposed to disown them? Perhaps in this case, love conquers all.

Playmate Kendra to be Virtuous Christian Mom

sonya — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 14:43:03 +0000

Oh, this I gotta see. Former Hugh Hefner depository Kendra Wilkinson claims she’s going to be on the straight and narrow in raising her upcoming child. NineMSN says,

Newlywed Girls Next Door star Kendra Wilkinson insists she’s going to be a strict mother and wants her child to grow up with Christian values.

The 23-year-old, who last month wed American football player Hank Baskett, said, “Our child will definitely be Christian. We’re going to be strict as well but make sure he or she is spoilt with love.”

The former Playboy Playmate said she is enjoying every moment of her pregnancy — she’s even got some baby names picked out.

“If it’s a boy, Hank the fourth, and if it’s a girl Arianna — we love Arianna. I’m feeling so good, I’m in my second trimester now at 14 weeks and I’m feeling like a whole new person, I feel great.”

I suppose that depends on what you’d call strict. She could mean that she wouldn’t let a daughter wear a thong until she’s at least ten, young lady, no implants until you’re 16, and definitely NO sleeping with old men until you can get AT LEAST $50,000. You don’t want to throw your pearls before swine, you know.

With Hank at the Transformers premiere

S.S. Your Dinner Plate is Showing

sonya — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 19:05:45 +0000

Here’s Jennifer Lopez slipping a little (or a lot) of areola. For some reason she’s also doused head to toe in glitter. I’d hate to be next to her. It’d be like opening one of those damned greeting cards that have all that stupid glitter highlighting some piicture of an insipid little bear in a flowery dress or some shit like that–you open it, get sparkles all over your hands, then spend the rest of the day having people tell you there’s glitter on your face. Way to go, Jennifer.

Quickies: It’s So PERTY!

sonya — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 18:44:16 +0000

Winner of the Vegas Hot 100, Lisa Angelina. Should she have won? (The Dirty)

Britney Spears joins the Candie’s bandwagon (Right Celebrity)

Heathers sequel rumors squelched, Winona Ryder’s hopes smashed. (Socialite Life)

Who did Kelly Clarkson murder to earn her a rhinestone tear drop? (Dlisted)

Rachel Weisz calls for a Botox ban for actors. Watch out, Nicole Kidman! (Evil Beet)

Jennifer Aniston WISHES that was her boyfriend. (Hollywood Rag)

Meet the world’s strongest va-jay-jay! (College Candy)

Lily Allen yet again flashes the nip! Don’t these women know about bras?(Holy Moly!)

Janet from Three’s Company got busted for a DUI over the weekend. And she always seemed like the responsible one. (CelebNewsWire)

Those Japanese are weirdos. You can now buy your own USB ass! (omg blog)

What could be more boring than watching golf? Why, reading about it, of course! Remember to thank Justin Timberlake. (Webster’s)

Lindsay Lohan turned down an opportunity to play a stripper! Odd. (Mr. Skin)

Hofit Golan goes as a petunia to The Harry Potter premiere. (The Bastardly)

Thar He Blows!

sonya — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 17:38:55 +0000

Wow, it looks like Britney Spears and K-Fed did the old switcheroo! She’s gotten herself back into shape, and he’s become a big lardass. Jeebus, he actually looks like he has cankles. What do you bet that the pack of Evian water he’s carrying isn’t water at all? It’s just a false cover hiding some beer. And is that a bodyguard with them? Seriously? Who’s actually taking pictures of him anymore, anyways? I bet it’s some crippled pap who can’t keep up with everyone else, so he’s resorted to following some has-been and his girlfriend.

Seeing a movie with his two boys and girlfriend Victoria Prince

Prom Barbie

sonya — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 15:53:09 +0000

This is seriously the most adorable thing I’ve seen in a while. These two 16 year old best friends from the UK, Sammy Burns and Megan Barton, didn’t want the standard limo to take them to the prom, so Sammy’s mom hit on the idea to get them there in Barbie boxes, and they immediately agreed. How fun is that? They’re both cute girls and they actually look their age, not spackled with makeup and there aren’t any body parts hanging out, so they get two big thumbs up from me.

Kate Moss is a Spoiled Brat

sonya — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 14:17:29 +0000

Are you one of the many unemployed, collecting your little pathetic unemployment check? Have you had to cut your spending, or are you worrying about losing your house? Well Kate Moss has way bigger problems than you, cupcake! Digital Spy reports,

Kate Moss has said that it would be a “major fashion faux pas” if she wore the same outfit as other stars at an event.

Speaking on upcoming MTV documentary Topshop NYC in 24 Hours, the model told Topshop boss Sir Philip Green that she had to have a unique dress for a launch, The Mirror reports.

Holding a green dress, Moss said: “Don’t you dare let anyone else wear that one. And I did ‘the look’ then. Don’t, because if you do it will be a disaster.

“If we sell too many of these and someone turns up wearing the same dress as me… you might have to take this one off the rack. What if I turn up and there are seven girls in it?”

She added: “We are gonna have to make some calls to make sure I am not turning up in the same dress as 17 other people, which would be a major fashion faux pas.”

If she’s worried about having a unique dress, I’ll gladly volunteer to take care of her wardrobe. There’s this fabulous new material called ForceFlex from the House of Hefty. It’s very clingy and sexy! I also can recommend some great heels from designer Semente Overshoos. Then she can sashay down the catwalk at Pier 14 and party with the fishes.

On her way home after dinner, probably to throw it up when she gets there

Michael Jackson’s Private Parts

sonya — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 13:23:16 +0000

After all the tears, tributes, flowers, and hysterical fans, I’d say it’s about time to remember that really obvious side of Michael Jackson that everyone’s been ignoring. Let’s take a trip down memory lane. I’m talking about the Michael with the penchant for little boys, toys, and Jesus juice. So let’s take a gander at the photos of Michael’s inner sanctum, that part of Neverland Ranch that was off-limits to anyone not specifically invited inside, taken as part of the prosecution process back in 2003. Remember? Pedophile? Here’s a fun game: Count the oversized dolls! See if you can find Jacko’s medicine cabinet! See if you can find the bottle of Clorox, always great to wash away those pesky brown spots!

I’m slightly terrified that there’s going to be a big pile of stuffed animals, and his face is going to be camouflaged in with them, motionless and silent, just like that scene from E.T. Someone hold me!

Yeeeah! - Snarky Celebrity Gossip

S.S. The USS Eva Longoria

Related Stories

Quickes: Do the Cabbage Patch

Related Stories

Michael Jackson’s Body Travelled Through Secret Tunnel

Related Stories

Babies are Creepy

Related Stories

Bromance

Related Stories

Playmate Kendra to be Virtuous Christian Mom

Related Stories

S.S. Your Dinner Plate is Showing

Related Stories

Quickies: It’s So PERTY!

Related Stories

Thar He Blows!

Related Stories

Prom Barbie

Related Stories

Kate Moss is a Spoiled Brat

Related Stories

Michael Jackson’s Private Parts

Related Stories