Something for you…

Don’t pick anything that you secretly want for yourself. This could be a DVD, a CD, a cake or bottle of wine, which could be sneakily shared between the two of you. Or it could just be something grossly inappropriate for your partner. When choosing their gift, try to think from their perspective instead of your own. You could even choose items based on the styles they already own to stay safe.

Something last minute…

Don’t leave the shop till the last minute. A hastily bought piece of jewellery with the label still on will not be appreciated. The perfect gift needs time, planning and careful consideration. You wouldn’t want to give the impression that you don’t care very much about this particular present.

Some kind of hint…

Don’t give your partner a present that’s clearly a hint. Piano music because you want them to start playing again, weights because you want them to tone-up or cooking books because you want them to improve their skills in the kitchen will not be appreciated. They will feel obliged to use the present even if it’s against their will, possibly causing ill feeling between the two of you and ultimately offending your partner.

Something uncertain…

Make sure you’ve got all the facts straight before buying a present. If you’re looking for clothes or shoes, get the sizes right. If you’re booking a theatre trip or music gig, make sure everyone’s free on that date. Even if it ruins the surprise it’s better to get the details right.

Something sexual…

You never know when and where your partner might open a present. So whatever you do, don’t make it overtly sexual. This is a bad idea in any case, as it’s rather a cheap thing to give as a gift and will imply that your relationship is only about one thing. It’s okay to give a sexual present as a joke, but make sure it’s accompanied by something thoughtful and serious.

Whether you met through dating agencies or at university, don’t mess up this year’s Christmas present. Avoid all of the above and you should be on the right track.

This dismal lifestyle can make everything more difficult. The cold and darkness keep us indoors, and we abandon our usually busy social calendars to sit slumped and downcast in front of the TV. This attitude could have a very negative effect on your dating life. Sure, you can still browse online dating sites such as eHarmony from the comfort of your own home, but what happens when it comes to actually meeting up with people? Here are some great dating ideas that fit perfectly around a busy professional life and combat this wintry attitude…

Romance en route – use your commute

Turn those hours of boredom and ebook-browsing into opportunities for dating. Arrange an early morning breakfast date to give your day at work a bit more spring. Find someone you like who takes a similar route into work and you’ll be able to hold hands on the tube. This time is all too often overlooked, but it can be utilised for a bit of romance!

Lunch break? Lunch date

‘But lunch is me time,’ you may say. Well, it’s time to adjust your attitude. A break from work doesn’t necessarily mean you have to relax and do something mindless. You’ll have a far more enjoyable break by arranging a romantic distraction. Use professional dating sites to find like-minded people who work in your vicinity. Now lunchtime dating opportunities will be endless.

Start early, finish early

Ever heard of flexi-time? This marvellous system lets you determine your own working hours. If your company has this option in place, it’s well worth arranging, particularly during the winter months. It means you can start work a bit earlier and still have some afternoon light to enjoy at your leisure. And maybe time for an after-work date?

Embrace the season

The main winter dating solution is just to accept the fact it’s cold and daylight is scarce but wrap up warm and go out anyway. Plus, Christmas is a wonderful celebration and the many seasonal events surrounding the holiday more than make up for the miserable weather. Deck out your evenings with trips to Christmas markets or to ice-skating rinks and really make the most of what can be a very romantic holiday.

A trip to the sun

Alternatively, you could use your last days off to take a trip back to the sun. Arrange a long weekend trip with your date to a country lucky enough to enjoy year-round sun. It’ll be great to get away from the cold for a few days.

Don’t despair – there are many ways to enjoy yourself in the winter months, even if you’re a hard-working professional. With these tips you’ll certainly be able to keep up a healthy love life at any rate.

Romance en route – use your commute

Here’s an example. My husband is a talker. He talks often, a lot, and not necessarily always about something I care to hear about. I can personally assure you that he sometimes feels that way about me as well. At first I was happy to have the conversationalist as my previous suitor of 4 years was more timid and quiet. I met him on a dating website and he was pretty shy. After some time, however, the consistent talk began to grind more and more on my nerves. Now this unnerved feeling didn’t persist all the time, in fact not even most of the time. But every now and then, while watching a movie or trying to read or surf Facebook he would launch into a conversation and I would find myself thinking “Would you just shut up for a minute?!” Well, one particularly comfy day I actually said it. I don’t really think that my brain realized what my mouth was saying until it had cleared my lips and entered his ear canals and brain. He looked at me first with astonishment, and then, understandably, with anger. I apologized and eventually we were able to move on with the movie/book/Facebook, but I felt horrible about the whole thing. Why would I say something so hurtful to someone I love so much? I call this the Comfort Filter. Really it’s the lack there-of. This is the event where the comfort level of a person takes over to the point that your normal filter just doesn’t kick in. It’s like taking an emotional laxative: you get yourself so relaxed that the verbal flow comes maybe just a little too easily. So what’s the point here? Watch your tongue to your partner, continuously. Sure, we all say things we don’t mean, but I think maybe as you get more comfortable around your significant other you should spend just as much attention to their feelings and the things that come out of your mouth as you did when you first met. No matter how long you’ve been together you still need to be responsible for what you say and how you say it.

I’ve written about the perils of greener grass before, but his statement and indeed the plot of the movie got me thinking that about this different kind of greener grass, Forbidden Greener Grass. Like a new species, I began quietly in my mind to consider the genus and species of this new grass. I would call it “Forbideenus Screwdus”, as it’s forbidden and would leave you screwed (and not necessarily in the good way). I do think the movie makes a good point though. It’s easy to wonder “What if I made a mistake?” when you leave a long-term relationship, even if you’re the slighted one. But how often does it happen that a person cheats on their spouse/significant other in search of the original greener grass and ends up, years later, hopelessly attracted to the person they were originally with? I’ve heard so many people remark “People CAN change” or “Maybe they learned from their mistakes”, but what if they didn’t change and they didn’t learn anything, what if they just bought themselves a new place in life with a spectacular view of Forbidden Greener Grass? In the movie Alec Baldwin’s character remained enamored with Meryl Streep’s character for the entirety of the movie, even leaving the woman he’d cheated on her with and later married in pursuit of another relationship with her. I’m not saying that happiness can’t spring from this scenario, but I am saying that it may do well to be weary of those who tend to covet greener grass, of all types.

Ladies, we’ve all fallen victim to the pick-up line. By show of hands, how many of you have EVER gone on to date or even have a meaningful and enjoyable conversation with a man who first approached you with a pick-up line? Okay, so we can’t see the hands, but I wager that there aren’t many flying toward the ceiling/sky/whatever. The truth of the matter is that I can think of no greater and faster turn-off, whether online dating or real life face-to-face dating,  than a pick-up line. I’ve been delivered one doosie of a line in my time and I can say with fervent honesty that I’ve never laughed directly in a man’s face and rushed off so quickly before in my life. Now I’m not saying that I handled that correctly, but I will say that it was my first instinct and I don’t honestly regret it. Men, no woman is going to take you seriously if you walk up to her with something like “Did you fart? Because you just blew me away!”. Admittedly there are classier lines than that, but not by much. Let’s consider shall we the delivery of a pick-up line. Typically you are approaching a complete stranger, usually in an open social setting, and the first thing you do is say what I’m sure sounds like the wittiest thing ever in your mind, and usually with a look of immense pride on your face. This translates into something undesirable to a female. Something in our mind says “Don’t walk, RUN away!” Perhaps seeing some of the all-time classics on paper will help you understand just how they sound once they leave your mouth and enter our ears:

1. Are you a magnet? Because I’m attracted to you.
2. Was that an earthquake or did you just rock my world?
3. Are you that girl that fell in here? From heaven! (I personally have gotten this one. No, he didn’t get my number.)

Women take to the spark of a pick-up line much in the same way that we do the spark of our gynecologist. Neither are a pleasant experience but only one is actually necessary to endure. The surest way to get a woman’s number, gentlemen, is to introduce yourself and start a conversation as though you’ve had one before. Try “Hi, my name is ______.”

This isn’t always exemplified in some grand gesture. Sometimes so much as being able to relax when they drive can be an all-out exhausting effort. I for one know that my husband is generally a more skilled driver than myself (but if you ever tell him that, I’ll kill you!), but I still find it impossible to just sit back and trust that he’s not going to wreck when he’s driving my car. These little instances of inner paranoia may not seem relationship-threatening, but over time they could cause rifts. My husband does not appreciate my continued concerns over him driving my car, and for good reason. Nobody likes to be dis-trusted, especially by their spouse or long-term partner. Of course the larger issues like cheating, finances or even raising children require massive amounts of trust. So unless you want to spend the rest of your days trying to follow your husband/wife around and make sure their not cheating, spending too much money or mistreating your children it’s best to find some way to work out your trust issues. Some might even argue that it’s inadvisable to marry or even date someone that you find it impossible to trust. This isn’t to say that if you get a little jumpy while they’re driving that you should call it quits, but it does mean if in the beginning you find it hard to let him/her out by themselves for fear of being cheated, you should probably move on. If you have a persisting issue, talk about it. If your uneasiness continues, it may be time to consider a break. Relationships have plenty of hurdles without initial trust issues clogging the lines.