What is it with these rappers from Chicago and threatening acts of physical violence against people? It seems like, any time they have a problem with something, it's, "Fuck you motherfucker, don't make me break my foot off in your ass!"
I'd run down the litany of instances in which I've been told, more or less, just that, but I'm sure a lot of you already know. And maybe the rest of you can consult Google. (Who am I kidding? You assholes will never have any idea of what I'm talking about.)
The latest such incident involves Rhymefest, who apparently had his supposedly forthcoming album, El Che, stolen from an iPod he left lying around somewhere. Some guy named Prometheus claims to have stolen it and is threatening to leak it to the Internets.
Which could fuck up Rhymefest's career even more than it is, if that's possible.
Today, Rhymefest released a statement to the Chicago hip-hop blog Fake Shore Drive, in which, you guessed it, he threatens to punch a nigga in his face. He's just gotta find out which dreaded n-word is behind this.
Here's a bit from that statement:
Yo this is Fest, I just got to Belfast Ireland and logged on to see all this shit thats going down. Yall niggaz just don't fuckin know. I feel like my life is flashin infront of my fuckin eyes right now.
[...]
…Further more, yall niggaz who up there dissen me, GET A FUCKIN LIFE! Nigga, I help more people then you could ever know, probably somebody in yo fuckin family for all you know. I provide for my kids and always rep THE CHI. You ain't gotta like my shit, but gotdammit you will respect me as a man. Cuz at the end of the day I ain't no soft ass conscious rapper that won't punch a nigga in the face.
[...]
I make music cuz I love it. I make money without sellin my soul cuz I know how. Whoever can't respect that can keep riding your favorite radio rappers dick until it fall off in yo faggot ass!
Yikes!
Seriously, whoever it was that stole Rhymefest's album, consider returning it to him or deleting it from your computer or something. Because if you don't, and if Rhymefest finds you, he's gonna beat the living shit out of you. That's how he solves his problems.
Checkit: Rhymefest Responds to Album Leak [Fake Shore Drive]
Just so that people will stop emailing me, as if I don't have enough shit to catch up with, I'm gonna go ahead and point out that I weighed in on the fact that Rick Ross used to be cop, today at XXL.
If you're especially interested in that sort of thing, there's also posts there re: Rick Ross by Ron Mexico and Billy X. Sunday.
I don't really have a whole lot to add to my own post on the matter, other than that I wonder what effect, if any, this is really gonna have on Rawse's rap career. One of the first responses to my XXL post was something to the effect of, RIP Rick Ross' career in rap. Really? Did the people who bought Port of Miami and Trilla really think Rick Ross used to be a drug kingpin?
Newsflash: Dudes who are fat like that don't really have a whole lot of motivation to do anything other than eat. I should know. He probably did used to sell drugs, but he probably wasn't that successful at it. Most likely, you'd have to go over to his house, where he kept them in a back room. Then he'd try to get you to smoke weed with him, because he was lonely. And if you were a girl, he'd probably try to get you to have sex with him in exchange for weed.
And I'd be willing to bet that more women took him up on this offer than you'd think. I happen to know there's a lot of girls out there who fuck guys for weed - and who I'm sure would object to being referred to as a whore or a junkie or anything like that. I'm thinking about investing in a bag myself.
Checkit: Rowss, you lying sack of shit [XXL]
According to Last Week's Poll
I should have mentioned the other, when I said I was going out of town this weekend, that I was gonna spend most of the day today traveling. My bad if you spent all day to day hitting the refresh button on your laptop as if it was your wife.
Speaking of women, last week's poll had to do with the various shades of black women's skin. In light of Yung Berg announcing that he's bringing the paper bag test back as if it was the McRib I figured it would be interesting to see which shade of black woman most people prefer.
Check the results:
Most attractive black women?
Actually, "Is this a trick question?" won, receiving more votes than any other option. I'm not sure what the deal with that was. Were people upset that I went with this as a poll topic? Or did people mean to suggest that there is no such thing as an attractive black woman, because they're racist? I'm gonna hope it was the former.
Otherwise, I'd say the results worked out about how you'd expect them to, if you're the kind of person who watches a lot of rap videos. Light skinted broads came in first; then medium complected ones; then dark skinted girls brought up the rear, with their ugly black asses. Just kidding... I happen to be dark skinted myself, so I can joke like that. It's similar to how black people are allowed to drop the n-bomb.
As far as how I voted... I'm having a hard time remembering. Maybe I didn't bother. But I'm not gonna lie, I would have gone with light skinted. Not because I'm a racist and I think light is right or anything like that. It's just that sometimes you find a mixed race broad who seems to perfectly capture what's right about both white and black women (i.e. a black woman's ass with a white woman's attitude), and I just find that special. Sorry.
For what it's worth, sometimes mixed race broads just look weird to me. What I'm saying is, we need to celebrate diversity and get over our petty differences. At the end of the day, it's the vagina that's the most important thing on a woman.
This weekend, I've been setting up shop at this BreadCo where you can't even read my site (apparently, this is the case in mad places - the fuck?). So I'm not gonna be able to check my own site, comment or anything until I get back Monday.
Nobody better fuck up too bad while I'm gone, or there will be consequences and repercussions.
But I can still post shit. So here goes.
The first day of P-fork ended up being a bit of a disappointment for me. I got to Chicago mad early, and I didn't really have shit to do, so I ended up kinda wandering around aimlessly - as if I was a furriner, or one of these black kids at the mall. Except there was just one of me, and I wasn't causing any kind of a ruckus.
I figured I'd show up to the park where P-fork is held about an hour early, on the outside chance I could get in a little bit early and start getting my drink on. But of course I couldn't. So I ended up just standing outside the gate with the rest of the dumbasses. Then it started raining, hard, for like a half an hour. To think, if I'd just hung around the Y for another hour, I could have missed it entirely.
On the plus side, I was there in plenty time to check out Mission of Burma, who played the best set of the evening. As part of All Tomorrow's Parties' silly Don't Look Back concert series, they played their 1983 album Vs. in its entirety. I was altogether unfamiliar with Vs., but I did have the two Mission of Burma albums that came out more recently, and I thought both of them were really good. One of these days, when I have the time, I'm gonna have check out their earlier stuff.
I took advantage of the next set, Sebadoh playing Bubble & Scrape, to get mad drunk for PE and make sure I wasn't gonna have to leave halfway through to take a piss, like I did at the Gin Blossoms the other day. I've never heard Bubble & Scrape, but I am somewhat familiar with Sebadoh, having been a big fan of Dinosaur Jr for a minute now. In fact, Dinosaur Jr is gonna be playing here tomorrow, and I wouldn't be surprised if Sebadoh playing last night mostly had to with, erm, capitalizing on synergy.
So I was all fucked the fuck up and ready to rock out to Public Enemy, but their set ended up being a huge clusterfuck. A total buzzkill. Before PE even came out, we were treated to what must have been a good 45 minutes worth of Hank and Keith Shocklee performing an opening set that consisted of the two of them standing behind a laptop playing painfully loud dub reggae, Biz Markie-style. The younger of the two brothers was especially obnoxious, bouncing around and announcing the name of the genre we were listening to ad nauseum.
Then there was a break that seemed to last forever for no apparant reason, where some guy would ask the crowd if it was hyped to see Public Enemy, the crowd would get all hype, then... nothing. Like the Bomb Squad's opening set, this went on way longer than it should have. Ideally, neither of them would have happened at all.
Once PE finally did take the stage, the reason for the hold up was obvious: Flava Flav was nowhere to be found. Professor Griff had to lipsynch Flava Flav's part - just like Flav himself ended up doing all evening once he finally came out. Worse, wherever Flav was (i.e. backstage hitting the pipe), he had Chuck D's mic. So Chuck had to do "Bring the Noise" with Flav's mic, which was turned way down. Hmm...
Flav finally stumbled out in between "Bring the Noise" and "Don't Believe the Hype," and it looked like Chuck D was about to strangle him. The tension between the two of them was palpable - to the point where it was kinda disturbing - all night long. "Don't Believe the Hype" kinda cranked, but then, after it went off, Flav went off on this spiel about how he's the number one star in reality TV. Which I thought was ironic, given its timing in the setlist.
I don't have any way of proving this, but I started booing when Flav started talking about his career as a minstrel performer, and then I heard mad people start booing - almost as if they wouldn't have if I wasn't there. Or maybe I was just a little bit ahead of the curb, cause I'm extra haterish like that. At any rate, Flav took offense and went off on the people who were booing. Chuck D just stood there, like, "Man, I can't believe what an embarrassment this guy has become."
There seemed to be a lot of tension as far as them meeting their curfew, but then they ended up doing another hour or so once Nation of Millions was over. They did a bunch of shit off Fear of a Black Planet, and Apocalypse 91, and their new joint, "Harder Than You Think," which is actually kinda cool. In fact, I'd say the set they did once Nation of Millions was over was far superior to the performance of that album. It might have been a better show overall if they just stuck to their usual set. But I guess there needed to be some sort of gimmick to get people to show up.
Later on this evening, I'm gonna be taking off for the Chi, where, this weekend, I'm gonna be attending this year's Pitchfork Music Festival. I'm not sure if I'm gonna be blogging any more here this week, because I've got a lot of shit to get done before I go. I'd offer that as an excuse for why I haven't been particularly productive as of late, but the truth of the matter is that I haven't done shit yet. I'm just lazy like that.
I did cop Vibe's new "Real Rap" issue, with Young Jeezy on the cover, to read on the ride up, but that was just because I happened to be in a grocery store, copping some beer, and I was like, "Here, I'll grab a magazine to read on the way up." Anyhoo, I was perusing it the other day, and there's a surprising amount of real rap in it, given that motherfucking Young Jeezy is on the cover (didn't they just do a Swagger issue?), even if a lot of it reads as a primer for people who wouldn't know from real rap. These days, I'll take what I can get.
But as far as preparations are concerned, I haven't gathered my shit together, or washed my clothes, or anything. Maybe I won't wash my clothes. It's just gonna be a whole bunch of white people there, and you know white people don't always wash their clothes every time they wear them. That's why they smell funny when they get wet. I read that when I was a kid, in the Autobiography of Malcolm X. The few rap acts on this year's line up, which is otherwise fucking incredible, are Public Enemy, Rae and Ghostface, and Dizzee Rascal, and it's not like any of them are known for bringing out a lot of black folks. Also, unless it gets canceled due to lack of interest, the Rock the Bells tour is also being held in the Chi this weekend.
Speaking of which, if you're gonna be in the Chi this weekend, for Pitchfork or for whatever, challah at your boy via gmail. I'm especially interested in meeting any guys who would be gassed enough at meeting someone who talks shit about rappers for a living that they'd be willing to cop me some of that 312 on the strength, which has saved me money in year's past, and any girls who might be looking to capitalize on their life's one opportunity to have sex with a good writer. Don't play dumb. I've seen Finding Forrester, so I know how this shit works. I'm the man now, dog. Only thing is, I'm sleeping in the Y this year (no, really), so it's definitely gonna have to be at your place rather than mine.
After the jump is a collection of videos by some of the artists I'm gonna be checking out this weekend. It's alright, feel jealous. You should.
Dinosaur Jr "Little Fury Thing"
Fleet Foxes "White Winter Hymnal"
Animal Collective "Peacebone"
The Hold Steady "Stuck Between Stations"
Ghostface Killah "Apollo Kids"
Spiritualized "Soul on Fire"
Vampire Weekend "Oxford Comma"
Public Enemy "Fight the Power"
No Age "Eraser"
Spoon "The Underdog"
I was in the U. City Loop the other day having some chicken wings with my little brother and this group of multicultural school children he's befriended, and I noticed a ruckus going on up the street.
There was a bunch of what looked like high school-age black kids standing around by Starbucks. Some of them were on the sidewalk and some of them were out in the street a little bit. There were probably too many of them for them to all be on the sidewalk. And they were making a shitload of noise, thought it wasn't clear why. It looked like there may have been some sort of controversy. Maybe someone scuffed someone else's Nikes.
Then a cop pulled up, and one dude took off walking extra fast, like he might have had some weed in his pocket. He probably would have been better off, strategy-wise, if he just stood there and played it cool, as if he didn't have any weed in his pocket. But the cops didn't bother following him anyway. It looked like the cops might have told the group they needed to cut that shit out, whatever it was, and the group gradually dispersed.
I didn't think anything of it at the time, because the Loop isn't generally known for having any kinds of problems with the people who hang out there, other than the sheer number of teh ghey people milling about. Maybe there was an Ice Cube movie showing at the Tivoli. You know how a lot of these art house theaters are showing more low brow fare these days, because of the economy.
But then I was down there again, yesterday, and it was the same shit. I was walking down the sidewalk, on my way to cop a burrito, and up walks this group of umpteen high school-age hoodrat friends, as if they owned the motherfucking sidewalk. I had to step aside just so they could walk through. It was either that or slap the shit out of them, and with my lifestyle these days, I'm not sure if I can take out 15 high school kids at once. Five year-olds, sure.
It's not like they were doing anything obviously illegal, but they were all loud and shit, and taking up the entire sidewalk, and they obviously weren't down there to buy any used books or incense. You could see where this will eventually lead to some sort of problem. Mark my words. It's only a matter of time before one of these kids scuffs another kid's Nikes, and then a huge fight breaks out, and some gay guy ends up spilling his latte on his expensive jeans, and then U. City will end up having to pass some sort of bullshit law obviously designed to keep ghetto kids from hanging out there.
Something similar happened at the Galleria a while back, which I wrote about here at the time. They put that Metrolink station across the street, so a bunch of kids from the hood somewhere started taking the train out to the Galleria after school and doing that same shit where they wander around in big-ass groups for no apparent reason. Then a huge fight broke out, so the Galleria made it so that high school couldn't come there in the evening without parental supervision. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if these kids in the Loop aren't the same kids who used to hang out in the Galleria.
Which of course begs the question, why is that these kids insist on aimlessly walking up and down the street in huge groups? Is that what's hot in the streets these days, sidewalk bogarting? And what's gonna have to be done to shift this elsewhere? Here's an idea: What's going on in Northwest Plaza these days? Probably nothing, right? Can't we just charter a bus and send them there? They can even fight there, if they want. Who gives a shit?
The good news? Our long national nightmare is over. Eliot Spitzer's hoo-er has given up on her career as a singer and has finally gotten down to what she should have been doing all along: showing her pussy to the world via the Internets.
The bad news? She isn't actually fucking anyone. Yet. On the video, which you can - I suppose in theory - buy from TrashleyDupre.com, all she does is pleasure herself with a pink dildo. On the plus side, you do get a good look at her cans and her pussy, and they both look incredible.
Maybe not $4,000 incredible. But if money wasn't an option, I'd at least consider. Then I'd see if I couldn't find something similar at a more reasonable price, as a matter of principle.
I don't post pr0nography to this site, out of respect for women, but a site called Gone Hollywood has a brief, yet life-altering, preview of the tape.
Checkit: Ashley Dupre (Spitzer Prostitute) Sex Tape Released - Photos & Video [Gone Hollywood]
Previously: Eliot Spitzer's hoo-er... holy shit!