*Yep, they are all mine.

for the love of lists: grammy edition

2012-02-13T06:16:00.000-08:00

I watched The Grammy Awards with my family yesterday.

Well, until they passed out a couple hours into the festivities.

Here are the most memorable moments of the night.

{1}

Katy Perry channeled her inner Oompa Loompa.

{2}

Lily, after Adele won her first of many awards: It's her! Adele got her music trophy!

{3}

Caden, watching Rihanna's performance: This girl is SO inappropriate.

{4}

Jennifer Hudson's tribute to Whitney Houston.

I have no idea how she made it through that performance - I was a mess.

As a child of the 80s, Whitney was a fixture in my early years. Fucking addiction. So devastating.

{5}

Chris Brown performed TWICE, which is two more times than he should have.

W.T.F.

I didn't the memo that we'd forgiven him.
I'm pretty sure Kanye got more shit from his "Imma let you finish" moment.

{6}

Nicki Minaj's wackado performance.

Honey, the scandalous religious theme has been done.
Check out Madonna's Like A Prayer, circa 1989.

Did you watch?

grab a beer and look at what i did last week

2012-02-12T10:42:00.000-08:00

Happy Sunday!

I'm linking up with Jenni, who (unlike me) successfully pulled off a Sunday Instagram link up party!

SO...

This week can be summed up with one word: SUMMER.

We had the most amazing weather in the mid to high 60s

and summer was on the brain fo sho.

Instead of watching the Super Bowl,

I sat in my favorite chair with the windows open and read all day.

A book. With pages. Weird.

I took my transparent legs outside and reaquainted them with the sun.

Lily decided to wear bathing suits again.

Looks cozy, right?

I spent an hour outside drinking an iced coffee.

Which resulted in a sunburned head.

Totally worth it.

Caden made his own swimming pool to jump into.

And I enjoyed my sunroof.

Other non-summer things happened, too.

This sign is posted outside the best sandwich shop in town,

The Bread Store, where I redeemed my free sandwich card.

I love free food.

Isabella and I were able to see Cinderella the ballet thanks to free tickets from work.

I love free tickets.

I flipped a bitch on N Street after I saw Beyonce up there begging for a picture.

Don't know about Beyonce?

Go read this.

I commissioned the boy to brush my hair.

Parenting tip #4276: When you want your kids to do something for you,

ask them right before bedtime.

Caden - would you rather go to boring ol' bed or brush mommy's hair?

One hour later, I was asleep.

And finally, my February Photo A Day project.

{#febphotoaday on Instagram}

Day 5: 10am

Hangover breakfast of champions

Day 6: Dinner

I ate half for lunch and the other half for dinner, both meals at my desk.

It's quieter there than at home.

Day 7: button

Blog button. Want one {that isn't pixelated}?

They're all HERE or I can make one for ya.

Day 8: sun

{See legs above.}

Day 9: front door

You may remember that sign from this post.

Day 10: self portrait

{See sunroof above.}

Day 11: makes me happy

These turn my frown upside down everyday.

How was your week?

the E! true hollywood story: marriage

2012-02-11T16:05:00.000-08:00

Todd needed to go to the store for sesame seeds.

I can tell you that of all the times I've ever gone to the store for a single item,

it's never once been for sesame seeds.

But it was an emergency.

He needed the crunchy coating to complete the fruity nutty bites he was procuring.

He's on a bit of a clean eating kick these days.

I, on the other hand, am on a bit of a food binge these days thanks to good ol' Aunt Flo.

But this sesame seed crisis proved to be beneficial for me,

as Aunt Flo arrived a few days early and I was only prepared for a day's visit.

She's such an inconsiderate bitch.

So, for the first time in the seventeen years we've been together,

I asked Todd to pick up some supplies for me.

He said no.

Not with his words, but his body language screamed NO, NO, NO.

She tried to make me buy her tampons, I said no, no, no.

Sing it with me.

He started walking out the door and I said, let me show you the kind I need.

I grabbed an empty box - I had four from which to choose -

am I the only one who keeps empty boxes around?

Our little neighborhood store has a limited, overpriced selection,

so I pointed out the basics in caveman speak.

I once read that men and toddlers respond well to this type of rudimentary language.

Tampax.

Super.

Orange.

See?

He grunted and left.

She tried to make me buy her tampons, I said no, no, no.

Five minutes later, I heard the distinctive pinging from my phone.

He tried to buy me tampons, for my flow, flow, flow.

end of the week snacks

2012-02-10T12:13:00.000-08:00

I am totally stealing this idea from Kate,

author of the hilarious and well-written blog, Motley Mama.

She's also the Motley Mama of my favorite Internet baby, Waylon.

Seriously you guys, he is the cutest freakin' baby ever.

So, if you like good writing and/or cute babies,

go check out Kate.

At the very least,

go tell her to get better soon

because their whole family has been sick for days.

Anyhoo, back to the stealing.

Kate writes a weekly post: End Of the Week Snacks.

And everything she links to is always fantastic.

Like last week, she posted that Kristen Bell sloth video.

Thank you for that, Kate. I've watched it several times since.

So here's my list...I hope you enjoy.

Recently Pondered

For those who take a million pictures each year:

"I’d like to know what she ate for breakfast when she was a child.

I’d be fascinated to see her first day of school shoes.

Or her classroom.

Or the numbers on the home she grew up in.

I wish I had a photo of her hands at play.

Or at work.

I wish I had a close up of her eyes."

Go read Katrina's post:

My Grandma Pushes My 365 Project

Recently Put On Repeat

I cannot get enough of this weirdo song.

It starts out slow, but once you get into it,

I dare you NOT to love it.

Double Dog Dare.

Recently Considered Tattooing

"And the truth, in my opinion, is where the freedom lies and real growth can occur."

Written by my friend, and writer I only wish I could be, Janelle.

Go read People Suck. Expect It, Move On, Be Free.

Recently Read Something Not In My Computer

Find here.

It kept my attention all day last Sunday,

but I haven't been motivated to pick it up since.

Either that or I've been too busy.

I'll keep you posted.

Recently Related To

Kate resolved to be good wife for the month of January.

Read how that worked itself out here.

Have a great weekend, awesome readers.

one more VERY IMPORTANT question

2012-02-09T18:09:00.000-08:00

Last question for a while, I promise.

{By the way, your responses from yesterday's post are fascinating.

You should go check them out.}

Anyhoo, I'm working on something and need your input, pretty please.

I'd love to know your favorite mom blogs,

but I have some requirements for the task at hand.

The blogs must be:

real

honest

approachable

a little different from the usual mom blog

not SUPER popular

List away, my friends.

And thank you.

Back to regular programming tomorrow.

Mustache from here.

i'm looking for answers here, peeps

2012-02-08T17:12:00.000-08:00

Source: pamandjim.com via Kimberly on Pinterest

I'm a curious person.

And I've been thinking about these things...

Will you do me a solid and answer some questions for me, please?

{1}

Honest question: No sarcasm here and this is NOT A RELIGIOUS JUDGEMENT.

When you say, "I'm praying for you", how does that work?

Is it just a saying?

Do you say a prayer right then and there?

Do you file it away and say it later with the rest of your prayers?

Do you wait until you go to church on Sunday?

{2}

Finance talk: Based on your age,

would you say you are better off than you thought you would be at this age?

Or are you struggling more than you thought you would be?

{3}

How about life in general?

Are you where you thought you would be by this age?

Career, relationships, health, etc.

{4}

How is 2012 going for you so far?

Are you still honoring your resolutions or did those fly away weeks ago?

{5}

Parenting stuff: I swear my kids are hyper ALL THE TIME.

It's rarely still or quiet here when they are awake.

And it's hard to get them to listen because they are so wound up.

This afternoon I sat with them for 30 minutes, trying to get them to do their homework,

but they were so wound up the entire time I couldn't do it.

And it doesn't matter if I let them play first to burn off energy.

Are your kids REALLY, REALLY hyper too?

What can I do about this?!?!

I'll answer the first four questions in another post -

but I'm curious to see what your answers are.

I'll also answer any other questions you pose...if there's something on your mind, too :)

grab a beer and look at what i did last week

2012-02-07T05:34:00.000-08:00

Happy ~~Sunday~~ ~~Monday~~ Tuesday, folks.

I noticed a theme with my pictures this week:

food, beer, friends, and flip flops.

Which, if you ask me, is pretty much all one needs in life.

So....

Last Monday, Kari heard my cries on Facebook: there was no coffee in my house.

I found this on my desk when I arrived at work.

Now that's a good friend/co-worker.

Off to be a shining star for my students!

If this is wrong, I don't want to be right.

I started this February photo challenge and I'll be incorporating the pictures in my weekly Grab A Beer posts.

Day One: my view.

School drop offs and work.

#febphotoaday

Damn good thing someone saved this OJ.

That tablespoon will definitely quench my thirst.

Does anyone in your house do this?

A mattress is currently residing in our back yard.

And the kids LOVE playing on it.

White trash, say what?

Incidentally, Todd and I are sleeping on a queen size mattress, rather than a Cal King, for the first time since 1998. It's been...interesting.

Another amazing sunset.

Another amazing Wednesday with friends.

Now that I'm at work four days per week instead of just two, I needed to rid myself of the grey walls. *Shudder.*

Here's stage one of the Cubicle Redecoration Project.

I bought a pack of scrapbook paper at Michael's.

I taped three pieces together and then taped the top piece to the top of my cubicle.

The next phase involves twine and clothespins.

Stay tuned.

Day Two: words

Sign on the lab at work.

The best part is that every single student in that room had a hat or a hood {or both} on.

#febphotoaday

I tried something new...

it's no IPA.

Don't mess with the bull - you'll get the horns.

Bonus points for naming that reference.

Liz texted Todd and offered to watch our kids so we could go on a date.

And so we did.

Again, I have the best friends.

Day Three: hands

Getting ready to down dog.

#febphotoaday

Friday night Todd and I hid in the basement.

He played video games and I had a beer.

Bath time with Lily - notice her "mermaid tale".

I was disappointed by its small size.

That's what she said.

I am never disappointed by these.

Even when there's a defective one.

Saturday night was the annual Crab Feed - our fifth year going, I think.

We were a tiny bit excited.

See?

Day Four: stranger

Stranger things have happened than this.

#febphotoaday

The post crab feed party in downtown Winters.

Again, just a little excited.

PS...I've known these girls for almost a decade now - again, I have the best friends.

How was your week?

i am not kelle hampton

2012-02-04T10:57:00.000-08:00

I'm sure by now you've read Glennon Melton's post.
If you haven't, please go check it out.
It's honestly the best piece about parenting I've ever read.
EVER.

Why? Because there is so much guilt and self-doubt and criticism associated with mothering, and it feels wonderful to read something like Don't Carpe Diem and know that you're not the only one. I've been mothering for almost eight years and I've spent many of those years drowning in self-deprecation {not the funny variety} - like I was doing something wrong, messing up my kids, missing something.

When I started this blog I found that the occasional funny story helped bring levity to the situation and temporarily freed myself of those negative feelings. This blog has changed a lot since then. So have I. The more open I am when I write, the happier I am when I live...outside of BlogLand, in the real world.

I am honest in my writing because it helps me. My tag line is 100% accurate: this is my therapy. I am not for everybody and that's ok because my goal is not to please the world with my little blog. I write for myself and anyone who wants to hear it. And sometimes it helps my readers. When I put myself out there and hear comments like "thank you for making me feel normal" I am filled with joy because I didn't have honest writers like Glennon to help neutralize those feelings I experienced early on.

So there's the background. But here's what I really started this post to say:

There are a lot of moms out there who love parenting. It's completed their lives, they drink up every moment, they just cannot get enough. Moms like that amaze and intrigue me. Kelle Hampton comes to mind. I love Kelle Hampton.

I am not Kelle Hampton.

I do not love parenting right now. I've written about it before. I don't enjoy every moment. On the contrary - my favorite part of the day is the morning when I am alone with my laptop and my coffee. No kids, no husband, just me. Does that mean I don't love my kids or husband? Of course not. It means I love quiet. And caffeine.

I question why I had so many kids. I'm an only child. What the hell do I know about raising kids? Nada. I know absolutely nothing and it shows. I yell too much. I have no patience. I teach my kids about taking tequila shots.

Does this mean I'm doing something wrong? Most likely.

Does this mean I don't love my kids? Absolutely not.

Parenting small children is not my thing. Perhaps in a year, when all my kids are in school, I'll turn a corner and suddenly become Kelle Hampton. Maybe I'll find my groove during the teen years.

{Incidentally, I find it interesting that it's acceptable to express discomfort when it comes to parenting adolescents, but God forbid you mention something similar about small children, and people think you're a horrible parent.}

Perhaps it will all come together when my kids are in their 20s. Ask any mother of an adult child and she'll tell you that parenting doesn't stop when the kids leave the house. Maybe I'll rock it when I'm a Gramma - when my adult children are struggling just like I did {like I am} and I'll be there for them - to let them know that it's fucking hard. And I'll come to their houses and do their laundry and clean their kitchens and watch their babies so they can sleep and have dates with their spouses.

It's entirely possible that I'll find my comfort zone later in this journey. I'm not comfortable now. And that's ok. That certainly doesn't mean I shouldn't have had children.

You see, I didn't have children to have children. I had children to have a family. I became a Mother in 2004 and I will retain that role for the rest of my life. This little blip - the part that involves corralling small people - in my mothering timeline is short. And I can't judge my successes or failures just yet.

Meanwhile, I'll try to give myself a break. And I hope you'll do the same - for yourself and for others.

for the love of lists

2012-02-01T06:17:00.000-08:00

{1}

Thanks y'all, for your kind words on this post.

In answer to your questions:

Yep, this is all from eight weeks of yoga. I go to a local studio and do 75 minutes of Vinyasa yoga in a 90 degree about three times per week. Everything else has stayed the same...I'm still eating bean burritos and drinking IPA. So basically, it's a fucking miracle. A really, really FUN miracle. If you're local, come with me sometime!

{2}

Speaking of which, I posted this on The Twitter:

And had several people say, YES - THAT HAPPENS.

And to think this whole time I've been blaming my 1.5 size foot increase on three pregnancies.

{3}

I got two hours of sleep Monday morning and then went on with my day.

How I ever survived the newborn stage I will never know, because I was a HOT MESS.

{4}

I'm starting this today on Instagram.

You should play along, too. Even if you're not on Instagram.

{5}

I'm 24 items into my 40 before 40 list.

Just the list - not the actual doing of the things on the list.

If you have a kick ass suggestion, I'd love to hear it.

Even if your idea sucks, I'd love to hear it.

Happy Wednesday!

grab a beer and look at what i did last week

2012-01-30T07:43:00.000-08:00

Sunday, Funday!

Oh, wait. It's Monday.

Even more of a reason to...

Kids' birthday parties are normally a tad torturous.

Except when they are held here on a rainy day.

I love that all of my kids are old enough to fully enjoy these places -

meaning I get to SIT on the sidelines.

I made Todd a deal: I take the kids to the party, and you stay home and clean.

I came home to this.

Mom p@orn at its finest right here.

And he made dinner: falafel and roasted brussel sprouts.

I'm not a brussel sprouts fan, but roasted? I'm obsessed.

You should try them.

Also, Trader Joe's now has frozen falafel.

You should try that, too.

It started to look like January last week - which made me blah.

Another benefit to older kids: tic tac toe. So easy, so simple, so fun.

Oh, when I left work last week I was met with this.

No filter on this photo. Aaaaamazing.

Have you tried these?

They've been giving them out after yoga and now I'm totally addicted.

I'm certain they're laced with crack.

I went to a new place last week and they serve IPA in a mason jar with a handle.

Could it be any more perfect?

Lily is such a good mommy.

Friday night means burritos for me and pizza for the kids.

No cooking and no cleaning and no homework.

I got to see Erin, Grace, and Ana which was even better than an IPA in a mason jar with a handle.

I love them.

By the way, Erin is writing a series about all the things she's done before she turns 30 and I am enthralled. You should check it out, too. It's good stuff.

And while I was in ~~hell~~ Roseville, I decided to check out Freebirds to see what the fuss was about.

Now you know how much I love a good bean burrito.

And really, it's hard to mess up such a simple meal.

Yet, they did. It was gross - I couldn't even finish it.

So, let's recap:

drink IPA in a mason jar with a handle

try roasted brussel sprouts and falafel from TJs

read Erin's series

don't go to Freebirds

How was your week?

friday features

2012-01-27T07:13:00.000-08:00

I am SO excited to introduce you to my friend, Melissa.

Who happens to write a cooking blog.

Here's the thing: I don't read cooking blogs. I am bored to tears by them.

But last Spring, my friend suggested I check out this one called Pretty Yummy! and I was instantly a fan.

Of a cooking blog.

Melissa always begins with a narrative and it sucks me in every time. When she gets to the recipe part, I still feel like I'm reading part of the story...it just happens to have amazing food pictures along with it. Every recipe she posts looks delicious, and I have yet to make something from Pretty Yummy! that I don't LOVE {i.e., Irish Nachos, White Girl Chicken Tacos, Mediterranean Pasta...}.

I had the pleasure of finally meeting Melissa last week and she is just as sweet and beautiful in real life. I love it when that happens! AND, we sat and talked for about an hour with her FOUR BOYS and managed to have a conversation because they were so well-behaved {and ridiculously handsome}.

Ok, enough from me...here's a bit about Melissa...from Melissa:

My name is Melissa Vanni and I'm a mom to 4 little boys. No, I'm not crazy but sometimes they are! I write a blog about what I feed my sweet/silly family and sometimes I share stories about what it's like to be the only girl in my house. Even my dog is a boy! My stories are honest and so is the food. I'm all about getting your friends/family around the dinner table to share some laughs and to enjoy a homemade meal you can proudly declare you cooked all by yourself!

Blog | Facebook | Twitter

Are you interested in being highlighted in a Friday Feature? I'm cheap and easy, but not in that way. Contact me here and I'll send you the details...

weight loss: before and during

2012-01-26T07:10:00.000-08:00

I've been noticing a little blurb about weight loss on Pinterest:

Source: itstheskinny.tumblr.com via Kimberly on Pinterest

Well, about eight weeks ago I became determined to finally lose this baby weight.

It seemed timely since my baby was over four years old. Ahem.

And guess what? I've had a couple friends notice! And then on Monday, I REALLY felt different, all over, especially when I noticed how loose my skinny jeans and tall boots were in the knees and calves.

At one point in this journey I'd lost twelve pounds; now I'm down seven. I'm blaming the muscle for the discrepancy because I feel leaner than I have in years.

Source: curvesforum.com via Kimberly on Pinterest

Also, I don't really care about the scale because of all the overall inches I've shed: 20.5!!!!

I have little reminders all the time that I'm getting stronger, too. When I started yoga, I could get into boat pose and hold it...barely...but I couldn't lower and raise myself. This weekend I totally kept up with the teacher. Even my pre-kid body couldn't do that - my abs have always been super weak.

Anyhoo, the proof's in the pudding, right?

Here's my before and during shots.

Yoga booty, I'm comin' to getcha.

for the love of lists

2012-01-25T07:07:00.000-08:00

{1}

I am SO freakin' tired of celebrities seeking treatment for "exhaustion". IF you are really THAT tired - and not just using it as a cover up for your addiction/eating disorder - try living the life of a regular person with all the same responsibilities and no housekeeper/chef/personal trainer/nanny/driver/manager to do those things for you AND without the benefit of being a millionaire.

{2}

What I wouldn't give to check myself into a beachside facility for 30 days because I'm fucking tired. Because I am. I was on the verge of a breakdown all day yesterday at work - it spilled over when I got home - and after the kids went to bed I ended up on the couch with Todd doing the ugly cry.

{3}

I posted about my breakdown on Facebook last night:

Sometimes moms just need a good cry. Damn this parenting thing is hard.

And promptly lost two followers.

That's encouraging.

{4}

In other news, one of my students came to school high yesterday. Is it so much to ask that you lay off for the ONE HOUR PER WEEK you have to see me? And talking to an 18-year-old about being high is oh so funny. At least to the 18-year-old.

{5}

I'll end with these words of wisdom for you:

If your cell phone suddenly won't send texts and your 3G isn't working, rather than scouring the internet all day looking for outages in your area, make sure you've paid your bill.

You're welcome.

dinner party :: sushi

2012-01-23T06:14:00.000-08:00

A tradition has started among our friends...

...a monthly dinner party.

We'll take turns hosting and preparing delicious food...

...sans children.

Justin and Christina offered up their beautiful, new kitchen...

...for sake-bombing...

...and sushi-making.

Quite the spectator sport.

Delicious.

grab a beer and look at what i did last week

2012-01-22T19:55:00.000-08:00

Another week,

another post about

another amazing week.

Yeah.

So...

I had to manscape my six-year-old son's brows.

This is the before and after.

His eyebrows were sticking straight out and touched his eyelashes.

I have no words.

Lily and I played "hair cutter girl" and I was her "patient".

Then she gave me a pedicure.

Tuesday was bullshit.

And then, later the same morning, it went and got COLDER?!?!

Bullshit.

And uncharacteristic for Sacramento.

This is what happens when I go to work for 10 hours and forget my lunch.

And a complete 180, here's a post-yoga "treat".

I would not classify my food intake as consistent.

Sometimes the minutia of daily life begs for a photo.

Details on this coming tomorrow.

Oh yeah, you're definitely going to want to check that out.

How was your week?

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reading / overhearing

2012-01-20T06:38:00.000-08:00

One of Isabella's latest blog posts:

She's leaving her own comments...and also replying to them...

After watching Caden lick food off the space between his thumb and pointer finger...

Me: Did you know that sometimes when adults consume this drink called tequila they put salt there and lick it off?

Caden: ...

My inner voice: Really, Kim?

Me: Then they drink the tequila and suck on a lime.

Caden: ...

My inner voice: SHUT UP, KIM.

Me: And if you buy tequila in Mexico it comes with a worm in the bottle.

Caden: Ew.

While doing yoga...

Lily: Watch my double dog.

Brass Monkey started playing on the way to school. Later that afternoon...

Caden: Crash monkey, that monkey monkey.

Lily: My new preschool has circle time.

Caden: What's that?

Lily: It's where we sit in a circle. And the teacher talks.

Caden: That's it?

Lily: Yeah, it's SO BORING.

In the car, passing the Catholic school kids file into mass...

Isabella: It must be painful to go to church everyday.

summer dreaming

2012-01-19T07:51:00.000-08:00

I really, REALLY, really miss summer.

This happens every single January.

I start dreaming about

COLOR,

taking a tropical vacation somewhere {like THAT'S in the budget},

being tan,

wearing flip flops,

and NOT wearing sweaters.

I've been yoga-ing pretty consistently,

and eating better {not so consistently},

and between the two I've lost several pounds and quite a few inches.

I figure if I keep this up -

and work on being more consistent with my foods -

I'll be able to rock it this summer.

Meanwhile, I'll be torturing myself with summer images on Pinterest.

All images found here.

Are you dreaming of summer, too?

that whole apple and tree thing is happening

2012-01-16T06:55:00.000-08:00

Isabella is now a blogger.

It's private - duh, she's SEVEN. If you are a family member or friend and want to follow along, I can send you an invite. For the rest of you, here's a little snippet of her style:

I have no idea where that sass comes from.

Ahem.

grab a beer and look at what i did last week

2012-01-15T14:41:00.000-08:00

Another week, another post.

My husband serenaded me with the Q chord.

What's a Q chord you ask?

Here's an 11 second clip of the awesomeness.

My name is Kim and I'm a bean burrito addict.

It's been two days since my last fix.

Thanks, Em, for the beans.

There are so many levels of funny here.

Also, it's REALLY good coffee.

Lily hosted a dance party for her animals.

I'm not too sure what sort of "dancing" she's been seeing, but I'm a little concerned.

When I'm not eating bean burritos, I'm eating nachos.

And I've developed an addiction to jalapenos.

January. T-shirt and flip flops.

Drought shmought.

This is the first January I've not been crying four days a week because of depression.

My boy discovered that not all reading be done aloud.

I love it when they figure that out.

The bedtime routine.

Not pictured: tantruming four-year-old.

SO WEIRD. On Friday, my bed actually called my name.

Come take a nap, Kim...come on...

I couldn't resist. And the next day, the SAME THING happened.

Sing it with me...at the car wash...

Yep, this is the car wash.

They make it very easy to take the kids there. Smart move.

Saturday night excitement.

Damn grey remained, and I liked my original color better.

Back to the salon next time.

How was your week?

the good news is it's friday

2012-01-13T17:45:00.000-08:00

This morning left me wondering a few things:

1} My neighbors, undoubtedly, must think I am a complete nutjob.

2} With a fine model like myself, I'm surprised my kids don't cuss more often.

3} When is it too early to start drinking?

4} I need a hide-a-key. <--- That there is foreshadowing, for all you literary buffs.

Mornings around here are always insane. This morning took insane to the ridiculous and comical level. Where do I begin? How about at 6:30am when I was woken up to the sweet sounds of sisterly fighting. Ah, siblings. Whose idea was this? Oh yeah, mine. The only child. Most mornings I wake up around five so that I can have a cup or three of coffee before the nonsense begins. Otherwise I'm a bitch. Since that didn't happen, I was a bitch.

Moving along. Now that the kids are back in school and I added hours at work, I've started bribing the kids with computer time in order to get them to do things like get dressed and brush their teeth. I'm not proud of this. Whatever. So this morning things went a little smoother* than usual because this whole bribery thing is still novel to them. However, they have poor sense of time, so when they sit down to cash in the 7 whole minutes they earned, I'm certain they'll call bullshit on this whole scheme.

*Smooth is relative though. Smooth means only reminding the kids seven times to put the milk and cereal away or only changing clothes three times because someone wiped peanut butter on my ass. Haha mom, get it? Peanut BUTTer? Hahahahahahaha.

That didn't actually happen.

It will though. Someday.

Moving along. For real this time. So we're getting ready to leave the house, two hours later. For all the amazing days we've had in the 60s, our mornings are frigid. So I went outside to start the car and scrape the ice. I came back in and told the kids to get in the car. I started packing up my yoga bag, looked outside and noticed that the kids were not getting IN the car as much as they were drawing all over the frost on the OUTSIDE of the car. I did what every good mom does, and yelled out the window: GET IN THE CAR NOW! And they did what every kid does: ignored their mother. So I yelled again, and they ignored again. So I went back outside to move things along. I buckled Lily into her seat, Caden got into his, and then the dog ran outside. Oh, didn't I tell you? We've been dog sitting. As I bent down to usher the dog back inside, I heard the front door slam shut and out came Isabella.

Fuuuuuuuuck.

You see, our door locks by itself when you close it. And my house key was inside. Why? Why is not attached to my car keys? Because my car keys are with my car, you know...the one that was towed away last week because it's DEAD. So I am borrowing my friend's car and haven't merged her keys with mine.

Fuuuuuuuuck.

So I'm outside with a car, car keys, three kids, and a dog. Inside was my purse, phone, house key, yoga bag {where I was headed after drop offs}, Caden's backpack and lunch, Lily's blanket, and my chapstick - which I was jonesing for because I had just brushed my teeth and my lips were dry.

Fuuuuuuuuck.

Shit.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

Those were the actual words that came out of my mouth.

I drove the kids to school, flagged down Jenn {who didn't recognize me because I was driving a different car and just gave me that polite who the hell are you? wave} and asked to borrow her phone. And she was like, ummmm, well...OH!, hi Kim! Sure! I called Todd, who thankfully answered and was still at the office and not on the road. I dropped off Lily and drove all the way to Todd's office, certain I was going to miss yoga because I still had to go home and drop off the dog. Because bringing a dog to yoga would be weird. Except when it's time to downward dog. And yes, the biggest stress of my morning was the thought that I MIGHT MISS YOGA. And also, MY LIPS ARE CHAPPED.

Well, I made it to yoga, 10 minutes late...tried to set up while everyone else was down-dogging, only to have the assistant come by and ask me to please move to the other side since I was blocking the door. Whoops. In other words, I made a scene. Awesome. But then I got all centered and shit and the day went on and it was lovely. I even took a nap.

And THEN, I picked up the big kids from school and did what all good moms do: I went to the store to buy beer. Don't judge me, it was like 4:00 and it's Friday. So we went into the store and I got all excited because Full Sail IPA was on sale and I grabbed a six-pack and one bottle got caught in the cooler and came crashing to the ground.

It was not awesome.

I had beer and shards of glass all over me - luckily my kids were running around god-knows-where {most likely the candy aisle, helping themselves to samples} so they survived unscathed.

I am currently nursing my wounds.

Yes, the cap is still on my beer. I was afraid of spilling with all the multitasking required to take the photo.

Have yourself a wonderful three-day weekend.

Now go make a spare key.

And don't forget the condoms.

10 on 10 : cubicle style

2012-01-10T21:12:00.000-08:00

"One photo an hour for ten hours to document a simple and beautiful day in your life."

Tuesday just happens to be a 10-hour day at work for me,

so I took the opportunity to capture the views from my cubicle throughout the day.

I create color anywhere I can.

English lessons. I like concise writing.

Lunch: spinach salad with hard-boiled eggs.

Look beyond the spelling and appreciate the ~~ass-kissing~~ sentiment.

{Not pictured: an unrelated meeting about a student.

In the parking lot.

With the student, the student's parent, principal, vice principal, another teacher, and myself.

No, not a scene at all.}

Snack.

{Not pictured: texting with a 19-year-old student I've had for three years,

encouraging him not to drop out one semester away from graduation.}

Looking up.

My reflection from the office across the way.

File nightmare.

Cubicle shadows.

AKA: time to go home.

Check out last year's 10 on 10 posts here,

and other versions here:

grab a beer and look at what i did last week

2012-01-08T10:12:00.000-08:00

I looked through this week's photos and realized that I never did my Grab A Beer post last Sunday.

I thought your lives weren't complete without my weekly posts,

but clearly I was wrong since no one complained.

Sooooo...I'll be going back a few days for this one...grab a beer or three, won't ya?

My week {a couple weeks prior} began by sweating away the Christmas yuck.

Then I reversed all that by going out with one of my high school BFFs, Emily, who was in town for Christmas.

She sent me this FB message.

She actually did pick me up in her mom's car,

but luckily we're old enough to buy our own cigarettes now.

Did you know I was born in Michigan and lived there the first five years of my life?

I'm certain that blood runs through my boy.

It was 50 degrees when this photo was taken.

Strolling to the store to buy ingredients for this:

Irish nachos, courtesy of the ever-awesome Melissa from Pretty Yummy Foods.

Silly me thought Todd and I could share this plate.

Round Two.

Recipe HERE.

Make it and tell Melissa how much you love it.

As long as I go to yoga, those calories don't count, right?

Right.

My boy doing P90X with Todd.

Shirt is always off when Caden exercises.

In case you were wondering,

there is NOTHING funnier than a 4-year-old doing the robot.

Nothing.

Aforementioned 4-year-old made herself a tail and asked me to walk her.

After the dance party and dog walking,

this is what our New Year's Eve looked like.

At 8:30.

Party. Animals.

I spent the first day of 2012 on the water. See also: AWESOME.

And after that, things went downhill, quickly.

I rid myself of my two loves.

And started only eating stuff like this.

And only drinking these.

Well, you know how that turned out.

After I abandoned the cleanse, life started looking up, again, starting with the most amazing January weather.

My kids were happy I went back on the caffeine.

Play resumed.

{She's reading to her baby.}

They even watched my car being towed away.

Oh, and we went to the park.

I love the park now: the entire gaggle can swing by themselves.

I swung, too.

And took a picture while doing so.

It must be all that yoga.

This slide kicks ass.

I slid, too.

I also did some rock climbing.

Which leads us to yesterday, the BEST DAY EVER.

It deserves its own post, but instead I'll end with it.

Todd did his annual New Year's Duathlon, and since my gaggle is almost manageable now, we watched this year.

Two miles running...

Seven miles biking...

Two more miles running...

Go, Daddy!

Between all that...

They played.

Happily.

Campfire time.

Lily spelled her name with sticks. Can you make it out?

And naturally, because there is a boy and water, there was rock throwing.

After all that we went to Taco Tree!!!, then I took a nap!!!,

then we celebrated Liz's birthday with sushi!!!

Award-winning photo, right?

So, what have you been up to?

saturday snark

2012-01-07T14:24:00.000-08:00

Subtitled:

Top Trends of 2011 That I Want to Forget

{Linking up with Mama Kat this week.}

{1}

Leggings as pants.

Ladies, listen. I know you're little mom-fit looks adorable in the mirror in your house. But something happens when you walk outside. The sun hits those black leggings and suddenly they are see-though in all the wrong areas {i.e., your ASS}. And your shirt that covers your parts just enough will inevitably creep up to expose more than anyone needs to see. Feel free to consult this for clarification:

{via}

{2}

Feathers.

{via}

Maybe they've all flown south for winter,

but I think it's safe to say that this trend has left the nest.

{3}

The saying: like whoa.

Definition: something to the extreme.

As in, "I'm hungry like whoa. I could eat a horse".

{4}

The smirk.

{via}

Oh look, aren't I cute and breezy?

No, you look stupid.

{5}

Klout.

Oh no! I don't give a shit!

{6}

The mustache prop.

{via}

Oh look, it's the smirk, again.

I just don't get it. These ladies are gorgeous.

{7}

Teen Mom 2. Teen Mom. 16 and Pregnant.

I have such major issues with these shows and their popularity that I cannot even begin.

{8}

Chevron print.

{via}

Never liked it, and now I'm REALLY over it.

{9}

The Erin Condren Life Planner.

Yep, I have one.

I never claimed to be exempt from these trends.

{via}

Oh look, it's chevron print, again.

{10}

Nerd glasses.

{via}

If the Biebs is sporting a trend, you should not. Unless you are 17. But then why would you be reading my blog. If you are 17 and reading this, STOP. And go buy some nerd glasses and birth control. {See #7.}

What trends are you happy to leave in 2011?

friday features

2012-01-06T07:30:00.000-08:00

TGIF, my friends!

Gosh, I am like a new woman with all this food and caffeine in me.

It feels good to be back!

Today's Friday Feature is brought to you by Kelley from Brixton Makes Three.

Hi! I'm Kelley, the voice behind Brixton Makes Three, a blog that started off as a pregnancy journal and just kind of exploded into verbal diarrhea about all sorts of stuff. I don't write about vintage dresses, super cool recipes that I can make, makeup tutorials and I ask that someone shoot me if I ever post a picture of my shoes in a pidgeon-toed stance, but I do write about adventures in my new adopted city of Chicago, my 8 month old love, getting old and other super interesting things. I love sarcasm, eye-rolling and smirks. Come join me!

My favorite feature of Kelley's is her "Life Before Baby" posts:

Life Before Baby is my weekly series that will highlight a picture and story from my life before I became a mom. In my current state, I haven't styled my hair in about two weeks or used makeup. I am still trying to lose the last of the baby weight. I am wearing a tattered, gray sweatshirt most days and that description would fit my mood as well.

So let's revisit ME (and hopefully you!). The person I was, and might well be (somewhere in there) when I can find the inspiration and lose the fear of being spit up on.

You can find Kelley here:

.............................................................................................................................................

If you're interested in being highlighted in a "Friday Features" post,

please follow this link...and prepare yourself for the awesomeness.

I have no idea what that means.

remember that one time i did a cleanse?

2012-01-05T08:52:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so once upon a time {Monday} I started a cleanse.

No:

caffeine

alcohol

processed foods

gluten

sugar

dairy

fun

energy

sex drive

focus

peace

happiness

Which left:

vegetables

fruit

nuts

throbbing headaches

zits

lack of communication from me {i.e., no blog posts, responses to emails/texts}

snapping at Isabella for eating MY fruit {what will I eat NOW?!?!}

irregularity

SO... it was supposed to last 28 days.

I made it through 2 3/4.

Then this happened:

I went out with a bang:

I actually shed a tear at the table just thinking about real food.

Thanks for putting up with your crazy table mate, friends.

And right now I'm drinking this:

So between the Mexican and the coffee,

I'm certain my irregularity issues will be over soon.

The End.

P.S.

Bullshit.

Cheese enchiladas with spicy verde sauce, rice, and black beans are fucking delicious.