YesButNoButYes Stories

Postscript: #stillhere

2010-07-20T19:12:00Z

While YBNBY may be on extended hiatus (ie pushing up the daisies), I thought I'd give any vistors an update on my latest project. Join The Colony is a site we've just launched for the Discovery Channel to support the new season of The Colony. In The Colony, volunteers are dropped into a post-apocalyptic wasteland and told to survive the horrors that would unfold after a global pandemic. I loved Season One last year, and this years show, starting Tuesday 27th at 10pm e/p should be even better. But before then, you can become part of the experiment yourself, with a unique online simulation that shows what your social network might look like if The Loyal 77 all contracted the virus and started to drop like flies. So check it out - you don't NEED to log in via Facebook, but it sure makes the whole thing much cooler. Oh, and did I mention, aside from writing and shooting lots of short videos, and creating fake blog posts, and photo galleries and stuff, we also managed to convince TASHA YAR to do a fake PSA for us. Which either means nothing to you, or is very very cool, depending on your ST:TNG disposition. Go here now and check it out. Now, you can resume your mourning.

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The Last Post

2010-05-31T04:07:24Z

It's late, the night before the YBNBY Deathclock will finally reach zero. I've just gone through the system revoking author permissions for all the other writers who have already bid you their final farewells. And I've opened a bottle of Chardonnay.

In other words, the place is cleared, the chairs are up on the tables, and I've locked the front door. All that's left is for me to turn out the lights, and then lock the door again behind me as I leave.

Quiet, isn't it?

But first, there's no hurry. It's our final chat, so pull up a chair, pour yourself a glass, and let's reflect...

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The End Of YesButNoButYes - Goodbye, Baierman?

2010-05-30T14:15:47Z

This morning, in an apparent act of Internet suicide, Baierman ceased posting on the greatest pop culture blog on the planet, yesbutnobutyes.com. Baierman was a devoted follower of YBNBY since 2005. Contradictor since October 2007's Unibrow Nation. Authorities believe he downed a lethal cocktail of Steak Cakes, Baconucopia, Beer History, 80s Metal Ballad's and Banana Art. (Use our search bar to find these gems.) There was no suicide note. Only Toilet Iconography. Baierman's Obituary continues...

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Ice Cream Truck Dance

2010-05-29T16:59:38Z

And I quote, "Watch Me As I Freestyle To The Ice Cream Truck Song. This is Awesome." But for a completely different reason than you think.

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Chinese Zodiac (according to a placemat)

2010-05-29T16:38:55Z

Translations can be fun.

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The End Of YesButNoButYes - Goodbye from Echowood

2010-05-29T12:49:00Z

I'd love to say a simple "goodnight" drop the mic and walk off stage. Sadly, I'm not cool enough to pull that off. Also, I owe too much to this site to go out like that. Any forum that lets you invent terms like "hemorrhoid licking butt nugget" deserves more. Instead, you're getting a long goodbye. Details. Secrets revealed. But a short send-off would be badass...

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Street Art App

2010-05-28T19:28:45Z

New York may have loads of elitist museums and modern art institutes, but if you want the real New York, you need graffiti. The Street Art. Same goes for all those other self-important cities around the world. Paris. London. LA, Rome. Tokyo. Screw your Mona Lisa's, grab your spray can and tag some street art. The new All City app is your "hand-held guide to street art around the world." GPS locates pieces nearest you and guides you around to find more. You can even tag images and add them to the tour. I'm going to add it to my phone now and then upload this Keith Herring-inspired-Dickchicken illustration I saw yesterday. (image after the jump.)

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Diff'rent Strokes Star Dies of ... a Stroke?

2010-05-28T19:22:28Z

We're sad to see the passing of television star Gary Coleman. Indeed life is too short. And we'd never poke fun at someone's death, especially if that person was an 80's sitcom star. But we can't help but wonder (SATC 2 playing in a theater near you this weekend) the irony of dying via something that was spelled out in the name of your television show. Thomas Gallant and I were going back and forth on IM discussing the potential ways other 80s sitcom stars might take the final bow in accordance with the name of their show.

Alan Thicke dies of calf cramps
Kim Fields goes while having rough sex
Justine Bateman bites it through improper use of neckwear
Mark Paul Gosselaar killed during an accident at the Liberty Bell
Candace Cameron bled to death as a result of a paper cut in Las Vegas
Patrick Duffy falls down three flights of stairs
Ricky Schroeder chokes on an eating utensil made from a precious metal
Kadeem Hardison dies in an explosion during a chartered flight to Mars

I'm sure you sick bastards can think of more. With my ticket to Hades in hand, I ask that you let 'em rip in the comments section.

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Caption Competition - One more for the road

2010-05-28T18:31:22Z

For awhile, we rounded the week off nicely with a Friday Caption Competition. It's our last Friday, it's our last Caption Competition. Let's make it a good one :)

(I tried to pick an image that I thought was somewhat appropriate, but don't feel you have to hold back ;)

The End of YBNBY - The Ten Most Commented Stories

2010-05-28T18:19:41Z

For the last two weeks we've counted down our most read stories from each of the last six years, as counted by pageviews.

I was planning to run one final piece on our top stories of 2010, but frankly, things are still shifting about too quickly. I compiled a sample list a few days ago, and it's already changed around. Sadly, this year we just haven't had enough traffic to show any clear leaders for more than a day at a time.

So instead, let's end on a high note. Because the best thing about YesButNoButYes.com wasn't the stories we wrote. it was the comments left by our amazing community of readers, a group we termed the Loyal 77.

Over the years we've had commenters who burst onto our pages and seemed to become old friends - names that some of you may not know but once were legendary - Johnny Chicago, Jeni Gump, The Sarcastic One - and a few who made the jump from commenters to writers, including ConservaLiberCrat_08 and our beloved Miss Cellania.

All in all, we've received well over 40,000 comments on YBNBY. But - what are the most commented stories of all time? And more importantly, why? On the eve of the execution, let's look back to see our Top Ten most commented stories of all time.

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Johnny Wright's Dénouement: Why You Should Become a Snob

2010-05-28T15:54:14Z

(This will be my last post at YesButNoButYes. I truly want to thank the thousands of you drunken reprobates for reading my dreck the last few years. That tear-jerking sentiment said, I leave you with one last piece of advice. And remember, at our new site The Desonesto Doctrine, we wil be continuing the rodeo and ribaldry. Cheers.)

"It has been suggested to me that I am bit of a snob. How true! I prefer to be."
Raymond Chandler (Pictured above)

Declaration!

Snobbery is good. It is a gift. A noble quality that should be striven for. And ought to be embraced and displayed with pride.

The snobs are the knowledgeable. The informed. The passionate.

Have you ever met a dumb person who has sharp insight about politics, literature or music? I doubt it. It's the intelligent and clever that can regurgitate facts and figures and tell you why something is the bee's knees and the opposite sucks.

It is your responsibility as a member of a free society to cherry-pick what information you intake and decide what you believe is good and worthy of your time.

Be unapologetic about what you believe or what you love. Who is your favorite Beatle (I will argue George), who is a proper novelist or what restaurant serves the best lasagna. Even if someone has a strong opinion about a topic that I think is absolute rubbish, if their argument is made smartly and with passion, I respect you.

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A Working Hoverboard

2010-05-27T23:29:16Z

Read that title again. Our dreams of the 2015 portrayed in Back to the Future II just got one step closer to reality. French artist Nils Guadagnin has done what modern science could not do.

He built a working hoverboard.

According to this article from Gizmodo:

The board floats through simple electromagnetism, but the more brilliant part of the design seems to be a laser stabilization system that, we're assuming, dynamically adjusts the magnets to keep the board afloat under duress.

Ladies and gentlemen, consider the crisis of what to get me for Christmas next year solved.

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A 27-day erection is bad

2010-05-27T21:45:35Z

Achtung! Cocaine is a very nasty drug. Snorting massive amounts can kill you. And, as one Dominican Republic man discovered, it can cause an irreversible erection. Luis Rodriguez's cocaine addiction has cause a 27-day erection. Veintisiete! One day more and he may have changed his name to February. In case you're not sure, a 27-day hard-on is very bad. Luis has been order to quit coke or risk his penis rotting off. Doctors may need to operate and amputate his manhood. (Talk about a kick in the balls.) Well, now we all understand why those Viagra and Levitra ads are so concerned about calling a doctor when an erection lasts longer than 4 hours. 4, that's nothing. Via Mirror

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An AXE to Grind

2010-05-27T18:31:48Z

This will come as a surprise to most of you, but I regularly use (and broadcast the use of) AXE products. AXE has been nice enough to send me on some amazing trips, ply me with free product, and offer up prizes for many contests we've run here. Looking back over my tenure on this blog, the pieces I've written with an AXE-flavor are some of my favorite. I figured a retrospective on my affiliation with AXE is in order.

In Search of Girl Approved Hair
Man Made Mad Men
Undie Run Challenge
California Dreamin'
The Hamptons Trip (Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V)
Twisted Humor
The Leather Party
Clean Your Balls
Dirty Contest Alert!

I have TONS of AXE product to give away before this site shuts down for good. So I've devised a little contest. AXE is known for their interesting branding and product names. (Rise, Twist, etc...) In the comments section below, come up with the best name (and ingredients) for an AXE product. I'll pick a handful of those I deem the best and most clever and send them some AXE products.

Let 'er rip.

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The Desonesto Doctrine

2010-05-27T17:54:27Z

About 2 weeks ago an envelope arrived at my door. Size A4. Inside, on a crisp sheet of Crane Ecru White correspondence paper, the following was inscribed.

Dear Wisenheimer, It has come to my attention that you are a writer without a home. I intend to remedy this situation. If my sources are correct, you will find my new endeavor fitting for your creative talents. Interested? Apply at desonesto.com

. The URL was branded in red. The letter was signed, Niles Desonesto III So I took the leap and joined up. That's when I learned Adam, Johnny Wright and a host of others received the same letter. They've accepted Mr. Desonesto's request as well. So, if you're wonder what's next for me and some other YBNBY misfits, it's The Desonesto Doctrine. The site is still coming together but we hope you follow us there. Hesitant parties should read the Conspectus first.

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Where the Streets have Sexual Names

2010-05-27T14:22:17Z

These cities, streets, counties and places really exist. And people live there. Mostly, for our amusement. {nsfw}

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The End Of YesButNoButYes - Goodbye from Miss Cellania

2010-05-27T10:52:57Z

Scaramouch told me we was considering ending YesButNoButYes and I said mmm, OK, whatever (or something like that) because I really didn't know what to say. Then later he suggested we all write a goodbye post and asked how we felt. I don't know if anyone else responded, but I didn't, because I still didn't know what to say. Man, saying goodbye after these past few years turned out to be a lot harder than I thought. I'm going to miss being a part of the greatest pop culture blog on the planet. Or maybe not.

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Geotagging Maps

2010-05-26T20:13:13Z

With this post, I mark (probably) the last geographic article I'll post on YesButNoButYes. Along with my strange maps and fictional maps, it's time to break out the photographic maps. More directly, heat maps of where photos are taken in major cities based on the geotagging of photos. I'm both happy and sad to see a large blank spot around my neighborhood. It's been said before, but nothing interesting ever happens on the Upper West Side.

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Idol Anal-ysis - (Round of 2) - 5/25/10

2010-05-26T19:14:27Z

We say goodbye to the site bye saying good-bye to this season of American Idol. And Good Riddance. So who wins this dreadful season? Find out who we think inside...

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Perfect Place for a Party

2010-05-26T19:09:19Z

(Note: the girls above are not the sorority girls featured in this article. In fact, they may not actually be in a sorority. Some of them may not even be girls. That wouldn't stop me from wanting to bang one, two or all of them.)

Let me make sure I'm reading this right. Have to make sure I get all the facts correct. The Alpha Xi Delta sorority from Miami University in Ohio had their spring formal at the National Underground Railroad Freedom Center. OK, strange place for a college party, but I'll buy it. Things went quickly downhill as drunken college students destroyed a museum dedicated to remembering a horrible time in America's past and some of the efforts a few good people worked for to circumvent slavery.

The list of indiscretions reads like an itinerary from my last family reunion. Granted the staff at the museum should receive some of the blame for inviting a sorority into their facility. That's like bringing an alligator into a nursery school and flipping out when it clamps down on a 2 year-old's head. Nevertheless, you're going to want to check out this letter from the museum.

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