YesButNoButYes Stories

Jason Segel Makes the Ladies Swoon

2009-11-20T22:17:21Z

This is freaking hilarious...

A couple nights ago The Swell Season, a band we very nearly noticed walk by once, played a show in Los Angeles. They welcomed onto the stage Forgetting Sarah Marshall's Jason Segel.

Segel sat down at the piano and proceeded to deliver a tear-jerking ditty about the hope that being famous would get him a sexy-time date after the show. Complete with his apparent phone number.

Jason even boasts that there were "no special effects" when he showed his weiner in Sarah Marshall.

See it now before it is viewed a couple hundred thousand times.

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Thanksgiving leftovers? Shove them in your pie hole.

2009-11-20T20:40:18Z

From the YNBNY department of feast and beverage... The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) sent us this message so we feel obligated to pass it on. If you're flying anywhere this Thanksgiving don't even think about bringing your leftovers home with you. The only person who'll eat them is a TSA official. And if you want to bring your favorite dish to that Thanksgiving feast, remember to pack it in your checked luggage. It won't fly inside the cabin. No foods, liquids, desserts, etc are allowed on planes. Many Turkey Day staples - mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, gravy, soup, apple pie - are considered to be liquids. (Food that wiggles and jiggles, is considered liquid. Except breast milk.) Basically, don't bother. Cook that recipe at Grandma's and stuff your face before you get on the plane. Happy Trails. Happy Travels. And Happy Thanksgiving.

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Kerry for Senate?

2009-11-20T20:22:17Z

For months there have been rumors that Alexandra Kerry, daughter of Massachusetts Senator John Kerry, was contemplating a run for office in her former home state. The 36-year-old film producer/director had been coy about the possibility of running for the seat vacated by the death of Ted Kennedy. But last night she sent the clearest indication she would run. Alexandra was arrested in LA under suspicion of DUI. DUI? Hey Massachusetts, I think you found your candidate. Via Link

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Close Encounters of the Redneck Kind

2009-11-20T16:15:22Z

Some things are so obvious, it only took a quarter-century for someone to think of this. (via b3ta)

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Top Ten Items That'll Get You Laid This Holiday Season

2009-11-20T15:14:26Z

Like Echo's previous post on the Top 10 Cars That'll Get You Laid, we've put together a similar post. This time, we're looking at gadgets and items to help you get her to tend the ol' Yule Log. Trim the tree. Lick the candy cane. Come down the chimney. Unwrap the box. Enjoy the Christmas ham. Find some room at the inn.

Good? Keep going? Ok.

Bring myrrh to the wise man. Shovel the driveway. Give the stocking a rocking. For the Jews among us: grab the Menorah candle. And here, without further ado, are the top ten items that will surely help you get laid this holiday season.

Continue reading Top Ten Items That'll Get You Laid This Holiday Season...

Kids Reenact the First Thanksgiving

2009-11-20T14:07:04Z

Aren't they adorable? And historically accurate?

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Weekend Math Refresher

2009-11-20T06:05:50Z

"Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes."
Mickey Mouse

Just so we're all clear on how this war of words is shaping up.

I think it will also help those that are visual learners.

The square root of creepy...

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Replacing Mouse Balls

2009-11-19T23:34:37Z

I haven't been so great with keeping my equipment up to date. Truth be told, I've been using the same equipment all my life. Maybe that's why I found this public access show feature so useful. The topic discussed is an important one. So important, I suggest every male make it a point to talk to the person they love (or want to love) about the proper way to care for mouse balls. It's a delicate subject sure. One that should be taken seriously. Luckily these 2 helpful women understand, "a customers without properly working balls, is an unhappy customer." But enough from me, let them explain.
Women Take Mouse Balls Very Seriously - Watch more Funny Videos via Break

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Nothing new about this "Moon"

2009-11-19T18:48:28Z

"The Twilight Saga: New Moon" *** (out of four): Heartbreak, a love triangle, werewolves, and a trip to old-world vampire royalty. Not a bad time at the movies. Especially if you're a 14 year-old girl. I suspect I was the only one in the screening of "The Twilight Saga: New Moon" (the second in the series) who hadn't seen "Twilight" or read a book in the series. Still, I had a pretty good idea of the arc for books one and two, and this entry seems to be the one to see: heartbreak, a love triangle, werewolves, and a trip to old-world vampire royalty. Not a bad time at the movies. Read more on BigPictureBigSound...

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Alien Inversion

2009-11-19T18:46:17Z

"Planet 51" ** (out of four): Although this animated film turns the stereotypical alien invasion scenario on its head, the tale itself is old hat. An alien invader's space ship touches down on the lawn of a home in a peaceful suburban neighborhood. Sound like the premise for a schlock 50s Sci Fi movie? Well, there's a twist: the alien is one of us, and the suburban neighborhood is on a planet that is decidedly not Earth. Read more on BigPictureBigSound...

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Back Boob

2009-11-19T17:15:23Z

A SFW optical illusion? Or just another Similak child? No word if she was shopping for some support. Oh People of Walmart, how you make me cringe.

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Jive Turkeys

2009-11-19T16:54:56Z

Phil and Lee Edmonds are calling turkeys in style. No word on how successful they were. How are you going to deal with the turkey this year? These links may help. Or not. Manly Ways to Prepare Turkey. And one more: Turbaconducken. What beer should you serve with turkey? How to deal with Thanksgiving Leftovers.

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Make Me (you) Mighty!

2009-11-18T19:20:57Z

You know how truly awesome you are. Now proclaim it to the world! Go forth and make yourself Mighty! Report back on your favorite name. That is all.

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Stanford Band Takes Shot At Girls Gone Wild Guy

2009-11-18T19:00:58Z

From The Sports/Band Geek Desk...

Last weekend Stanford murdered the mighty USC Trojans 55-21. It was funny.

At halftime, the band got a little squirrelly. The announcer they had in the booth completely went off book. He went rouge. This chap grabbed the mike and killed the Girls Gone Wild dirtbag Joe Francis. Said the young man:

With that said, USC can't take all of the credit for the successes of its students. After all, it takes a special kind of man to be wanted for sexual harassment, drug trafficking, tax evasion, prostitution, child abuse and disruptive flatulence. But that's just the kind of captain of industry Joe Francis is.

That may be a little grammatically weird, but it is amusing. The kid has some balls. USC fans did not take kindly to their alum getting called out. Boos descended. Joe is their guy. How dare you.

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1.5 Chords & the Truth with Echowood, Episode #3

2009-11-18T18:51:18Z

By now you've all heard about Johnny's attempt to create a sex tape. The fact is: he's already created one - and it's horrible. Viewing it would turn you to stone or melt your face off. Trust me when I say it's this year's 2 Girls 1 Cup, only with less girls and cups and more farm animals. In fact, you'd get a close approximation of what it looks like were you to watch two manatees humping at Sea World. Lucky for you, I ~~phoned this one in~~ recreated my reaction upon viewing said video. (Hint: it did not go well)

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Mass: We Pray

2009-11-18T18:43:54Z

This is either the best parody I've ever seen, or it's a disturbing look at a strong cross-section of America. Created by Prayer Works Interactive, whose mission is to "create engaging, top-quality games that entertain, inspire and bring families closer to the Lord," their first game is Mass: We Pray. If I know anything, it's that this is going to be a huge hit. Nothing says "fun" like recreating a transubstantiation. If only they'd include a level where you could kill a prostitute and steal her money.

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Half Man/Half Pooh Bear Caught Robbing Grocery Store

2009-11-18T16:32:05Z

Dateline: Portugal

A 22-year-old former Disney corporation science experiment has been caught attempting to rob a Portuguese grocery store. The young man is the result of a secret project to create a man and toon hybrid. It was initially thought the Men/Toons would be a benefit to the CIA because they can jump off a cliff, smack the ground at terminal velocity, walk away like an accordion and be fine in ten minutes; ready for another mission.

However, the creators of the project did not foresee a Man/Toon revolt. The hybrids didn't want to go after terrorist cells. They wanted to fly away to Neverland and hit each other in the mug with banana cream pies. As a result, the Man/Toons simply smushed themselves thin as a board and slid out between the bars of their cells. Jailbreak! They are now on the lam.

The gentleman in the video above, a crossbreed of a Romanian and a rumbly, tumbly silly old bear had made it Portugal. He just wanted to eat some freaking honey. Man/Pooh smelled the delicious bee-byproduct in the corner shop. There was a tiny window he thought he could squeeze through. He had to go for it. But, wouldn't you know it, victim to Pooh's natural tendencies, he got stuck. Police soon arrived and Man/Pooh was taken into custody.

A shame. A damn shame.

You know, I may not have all the details of this right. I'm pretty close. Within the margin of error.

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Chainsaw Maid

2009-11-18T03:18:22Z

If you like blood, guts, gore, zombies and chainsaws, you'll really love this. It's pretty graphic, even for claymation. Just so you know. via Unscathed Corpse

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A Walk in the Park

2009-11-17T21:04:05Z

Comprised of 2,038 images, this video of a walk in Central Park gives a great perspective on the heart of Manhattan.

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Help An Office Assistant Lose Her Job

2009-11-17T19:55:45Z

My co-employee Hannah kicks ass and takes names in the band Aviation Orange. They are on the short list for a video to appear on MTV and need votes to make it happen.

Here's where you come in. Go to MTV and vote for Aviation Orange's video "Radio"

You don't need to register, takes a second and would make me very happy. And you want me to be happy, don't you?

If we all do our part then Hannah will soon be a world famous musician and my office will be short one assistant.

Make it happen.

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