"Yes, We're Together."

I Speak For Myself, And I'm Talking Taboo

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Tue, 07 May 2013 10:50:00 +0000

When Enuma Okoro asked about my interest in contributing a short essay on what remains unspeakable at the intersection of my faith and gender, in my mind I said: Shoot! Girl! You ain't got to ask me twice! But my actual email back to her it was more along the lines of, Am I interested? Uh...YEAH. Lol. And honored and humbled.

Today, Talking Taboo: American Christian Women Get Frank about Faith officially goes public with the launch of our Indiegogo crowd-sourcing campaign and website where you can sign up for emails and updates as our October 23, 2013 publishing date draws near. Talking Taboo is the fourth book in the I Speak for Myself Series published by White Cloud Press.

My essay, Running Into Glass Doors, is one of of the 40 essays contributed by 40 American, Christian women under 40. I wrestle with my experiences on the receiving end of the church's deafening silence—and at times outright rejection or animosity—toward a sense of professional ambition and calling beyond the realm of ministry or church service.

In celebration of our launch, many of the Talking Taboo contributors are blogging about why they are talking taboo:

I'm talking taboo because I lost my virginity on a Wednesday night in Shepardstown, West Virginia (RIP Chris Kelly).

I'm talking taboo because all I hear are crickets, my heart is beating fast and I'm sweating profusely.

I'm talking taboo because I keep running into glass doors.

I'm talking taboo because that's how my village raised me.

I'm talking taboo because I've learned that "courage isn’t waiting for the absence of fear, but doing things afraid."

I'm talking taboo, because I...have a voice.

Learn more about the book, the I Speak for Myself Series, the contributors, and how you can join the movement of truth-tellers and risk-takers at: www.webetalkingtaboo.com

Visit our Facebook page for updates on events in your area and on Twitter find us using the hashtag #talkingtaboo

Why Boston?

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 01:20:00 +0000

It's been kind of a rough week.

Many of you know that most of my hilariously frustrating experiences in an interracial relationship take place in the city I call home: Boston, Massachusetts. I've mentioned the Boston Marathon in a previous post and most recently during my own journey from backslidden jogger to 2012 Boston Marathoner.

Last Monday I spent the afternoon camped out near the finish line of the Marathon, at the corner of Newbury and Hereford Streets, cheering on friends running in this year's race. The intense noise from spectators was so deafening that a simple phone call from a friend became an an exercise in futility:

"WHAT?! HIS PACE? IT'S 6:40! NO! I SAID 6! 40! I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM YET! I DON'T KNOW WHAT COLOR HE'S WEARING! ALL THESE PEOPLE LOOK THE SAME TO ME! HUH? OKAY! OH WAIT, HE JUST CROSSED THE FINISH LINE!"

After a few failed attempts to get through a wall of people and closer to the finish line, I figured it might be wise to make my way home since I had to catch a flight to DC in a few hours. Within minutes of taking off, it became the most depressing flight ever.

One word that describes my feelings over the past week? Conflicted: Should I keep watching a news station if the anchors can't pronounce the names my city's street names? Where do homeless people go during a shelter-in-place? What if the suspect had fled to Roxbury instead of Watertown? Why is All-American Muslim considered an oxymoron? What would our city and our world be like if we harnessed the same energy and resources used to track down these suspects, to search for every child that went missing? Is an arrest more like chopping off a branch than killing at the root?

On Saturday morning I had to remind myself that the last six days were not a dream.

"How do you feel knowing they caught the suspect last night?" my husband asked.
"I feel a sense of ease...but not relief," I replied. "Because I still have more questions than answers."

Cornball Brothas: 2 Robs Don't Make a Right

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Sat, 22 Dec 2012 14:12:00 +0000

After six years of marriage, I've made peace with the fact that every time I turn on my television, it will be on ESPN.

Doesn't matter what day; doesn't matter what time of day. As the wife of an avid sports fan (who assures me, "It could be worse, much worse"), living in an avid sports city (it's not Chapel Hill but it'll do), I've embraced the unanticipated marital duties of scheduling my Sunday afternoon around the NFL; schlepping to work with red eyes and a voice that would give Barry White a run for his money after late night, weekday games; and trying not to avert my eyes from Celtic's games as Kevin Garnett unleashes a barrage of expletives (which, strangely enough, the cameras always seems to pick up with great detail). Apparently sports and sports entertainment are two of The Five Love Languages. Even crazier? How much I've come to enjoy watching sports with my husband and how much I've learned in the process.

While my husband comments on the game and I comment on the player's tangential connections to reality television. My husband take note of post-injury performances and I notice who's wearing the flyest sneakers. He rejoices over the success of Celtics rookies while I cry out "Ray-Ray! Oh no, say it ain't so!" upon seeing Ray Allen sporting a Miami Heat jersey. My husband laments over his fantasy football standing while I lament over the injustice of how physical altercations are treated in the NBA vs. the NHL, make jokes about "intimate relationship" between the Red Sox and Popeye's, and then poke fun at the referees' warm-up routines and calls that look like they came straight from the The Soul Train line at last summer's family reunion. And yes, I've been known to let out a "Come on man!" every now and again.

But my proudest moment to date was in response to a passing comment that there are "No good wide receivers with dreads," to which I replied unflinchingly: "Larry Fitzgerald."

My husband looked like he was about to cry.

Last weekend as we drove through Back Bay (sorry, no Tom and Giselle sightings) he asked, "Have you heard about that guy on ESPN who got suspended for comments he made about RG3?" By the end of a full week that included 6 am flights, early morning meetings and Christmas festivities running late into the night, I strained to even remember what I ate for lunch the previous day let alone any ESPN scandals. Although I vaguely recalled a headline that read: An Open Letter to Rob Parker, and thought to myself: "The guy that used to host The Price is Right? Isn't he dead?" I have since learned the difference between Rob and Bob, and no, Bob Barker is not dead (my bad).

My husband began to relay the December 13th episode of ESPN's First Take where RG3 joined the ranks of the B.F.U.I. ("Black Folk Under Investigation," see also, Grant Hill, Tiger Woods, Oprah Winfrey, and President Obama) based on comments he'd made in a recent USA Today interview. "And Rob Parker was like, 'Well we know he has a white fiancee'--" my husband continued. And that's when I began to double-over in laughter. "Hold up. Wait a minute," I managed to get out between gasps of air, "of ALL professions in the world, he wants to start calling out black men...with women who are not black...in the NFL...really?"

After watching the segment in its entirety I was struck by how most of the discussion around Mr. Parker's comments and his subsequent suspension is centered around two minutes of what was a fascinating fifteen minute conversation about talking braids, whether black quarterbacks can change their skin color like chameleons, an impromptu therapy session stemming from a 1997 Oprah interview with Tiger Woods, and the new paragon of honesty in the modern age: direct quotations from "Joe Regulars" (not to be confused with "Joe The Plumbers") at the barbershop who don't go to college, are struggling, have miserable lives and judge your character by looking at your spouse, how you present yourself, and warn you that braids and corporate America don't mix.

I've often heard athletes refer to sports as "the great equalizer," where all the matters is what you bring and leave on the field/court/rink/gymnasium. But as we've seen from this story as well as Jason Gay's article in the wake of the Sandy Hook shooting, even sports don't live in a vacuum. Personally, I think the best response to both RG3 and Rob Parker's comments came from Stephen A. Smith (beginning at 1:17 ending at 1:19:50)

Preach.

Interracial Living

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Mon, 20 Aug 2012 10:55:00 +0000

"The goal of the Living Interracial project is simple: it is meant to start a dialogue on a subject that is still seen as taboo in south Louisiana."

The Living Interracial Project which includes stories, video interviews and photo galleries runs on theadvocate.com/livinginterracial from August 13 - August 25.

"Interracial Relationships May Not Be Harder But They Can Be Funnier": A Review of '2 Days in New York'

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Fri, 03 Aug 2012 21:13:00 +0000

The first time I read about 2 Days in New York -- the sequel to Julie Delpy's 2 Days in Paris -- what caught my eye wasn't so much the film's two main characters: "hip talk-radio host and journalist Mingus (Chris Rock) and his French photographer girlfriend, Marion (Julie Delpy)." What gave me pause one reviewer's incredulity that the plot of a movie starring an interracial couple wasn't about "the issue" of interracial relationships. Actually, I take that back -- it didn't give me pause; it was more like a blank stare that transitioned into a side-eye.

Well, lest you believe that adult, interracial couples with kids, bills, and jobs simply askew their real-world responsibilities to have racial pow-wows all day (with a racial agenda of course), sitting around acknowledging their "interracial-ness," 2 Days in New York reminds us where these kind of couples actually live: the real world.

For two days Mingus becomes an outsider of sorts in his own home when Marion's father, sister, and her sister's uninvited boyfriend (what one of my friends would refer to as a "R.A.G.": Random A-- Guest) spend two days visiting from France. Mingus is the only person who doesn't speak or understand French and the visit only grows more awkward by the minute: From the RAG's failed attempts to connect with Mingus over Salt-n-Pepa and smoking weed, to the series of unexpected personal displays of affection from Marion's dad which include his triple-cheek kissing and feather-tickling, to the RAG's insistence that Mingus' sister Elizabeth (Malinda Williams) "looks just like Beyonce...only sexier."

Toward the end of the movie, Mingus' observation borne out of frustration is a poignant one: "Ever since your family got here, you've become another person." Sometimes Time heals wounds and sometimes it just delays an inevitable shouting match with your adult siblings over Thanksgiving dinner. It seems no matter how far we advance in age, no matter how far we travel from home, nothing can separate us from the effects of being our parents' child or our brother's or sister's (or no one's) sibling. Now the extent to which we choose to acknowledge or admit these relations is a different matter all together.

2 Days in New York opens in theaters nationwide (kinda) on August 10th. If you're in the Boston-area, you can catch it beginning August 17th at the Kendall Square Cinema 9 in Cambridge. Or you can just do what we did and just suck it up and pay the $9.95 to watch it On Demand.

Rest in Peace Sherman Hemsley

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Wed, 25 Jul 2012 02:22:00 +0000

Well if this isn't a Yes, We're Together moment, I don't know what is...

Checking In

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Fri, 20 Jul 2012 21:03:00 +0000

I know what some of ya'll are thinking. My bad.

When I saw my mom's missed call and voicemail shortly after landing in California a few weeks ago, I thought:

Oh how sweet! An early birthday call! I bet she's calling to see what gift I'd like her to dip into her retirement savings to purchase for me. No, no, actually, I bet she needs our address so she can send my birthday card that I'll carefully rip open, shake, and watch cash or a check fall out. I know, I'm coming to DC next week and she wants to know what I want her to cook for me...

And my pipe dream remained just that: a dream.

Instead I listened to my mother's quick, obligatory greeting immediately followed by, "YOU CAN'T EVEN CALL TO SEE HOW WE ARE DOING! WE HAVEN'T HAD POWER FOR THREE DAYS!!!"

While I'd been galavanting across the country, a "derecho" (also known as "kind-of-tornado-but-not-really") did some extensive damage in the Washington DC Metro and I had no idea. Then my husband made the passing comment, "Hey you haven't posted on your blog in a while..." and I knew at the very least I needed to post a quick update and check in.

Truth be told, I've actually spent the in-between time seeing old friends and meeting their new babies; trying to finish a draft of a different kind of "baby" (my first book); listening to Chief Justice John Roberts accept the motion for my admission into the Bar of the United States Supreme Court in the same room he would deliver the health care decision just a week later (only to have it butchered by almost every major media outlet); reflecting on death as I celebrated another year of life; and most importantly: successfully leading an entire wedding reception in the Cupid Shuffle (yes, I can hear you humming "down, down do your dance" right now).

So needless to say, we have a lot to catch up on.

Something Borrowed, Something New and Something Familiar

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 01:38:00 +0000

This weekend kicks off our 2012 wedding season with the nuptials of my best friend from high school --she's Nigerian (Yoruba), he's Ghanian (Ashanti I think?) and I was there the (prom) night they met!

I consider it my duty to give my husband a little "pep talk" before these type of functions so this past weekend I clued him in to what he could expect: "It'll kind of be like a high school reunion, with lots of underlying 'Ghana vs. Nigeria' tension so watch out on the dance floor," I tell him.

But while nodding off on the couch during my post-church-lunch nap this past Sunday, I came across the PBS special, Lidia Celebrates America Weddings: Something Borrowed, Something New. The host, Lidia Bastianich--one of my many chef crushes--profiles four very different and yet very American weddings: a Nigerian-American wedding in New Orleans in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina; an Irish and Italian-American wedding where the bride happens to be Lidia's niece and goddaughter; a Sri Lakan and Indian-American wedding combining both Catholic and Hindu ceremonies in Chicagor; and a Korean-American wedding in Queens, New York, home to half of New York City's Korean population.

What I loved about Lidia in this special was that she doesn't just chill in the background saying, "Oh, how nice. Isn't this nice? What a lovely couple."

Um, no.

Lidia's got outfits, she's getting schooled on the cuisine, she's getting henna, second lining, and homegirl is owning the dance floor. I got a real kick watching her spray the couple in the Nigerian American wedding. She had me screaming at the television like "GET IT LIDIA! YOU BETTA GET IT GURL!"

And what struck me the most were the subtle, little pockets of similarity among non-Western weddings and weddings in general, or as Lidia put it:

"There's a big difference between different ethnic weddings. Customs, protocol, especially the color...the music. And yet, there seems to be an underlying common denominator: that there's two families, bringing their children together. And helping and steering and giving the support to those two children to start a new life and continue and multiply."

Watch Weddings: Something Borrowed, Something New Highlights on PBS. See more from Lidia Celebrates America.

If you get a chance to watch, let me know what you think!

Boston Marathoners See The Darndest Things!

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 13:05:00 +0000

Even after four months of training, I'm not sure anything could quite prepare me for what I saw and experienced while running in the 2012 Boston Marathon this past Monday.

Going into this weekend I was well aware that we were in for warmer weather on marathon day but like many, I think I totally underestimated how warm it would feel. This photo from the front page of yesterday's Wall Street Journal just about sums it up:

It was HOT.

Over the weekend, the Boston Athletic Association began sending out cryptic emails strongly discouraging anyone who hasn't won a gold medal in the last two Summer Olympics from running in the marathon and to defer to 2013 (I'm pretty sure their attorneys drafted those). But Coach Rick encouraged those of us who felt able to take the appropriate precautions and run. So for me it was a no-brainer, I was running.

Arriving at Athlete's Village -the pre-race staging area--was pretty amazing. I found the port-o-potty experience slightly traumatic and saw things in the toilet bowl that I'd rather forget, but otherwise, had a great time.

While walking around I noticed a large group of Korean runners taking a photo with the Korean flag. I walked up to the group and asked, "Can I take a photo with you?" The (Korean) photographer looked me up and down and said, "Do you know what flag that is?" "Of course!" I replied "Korea!" Geez, did she just assume I thought they were Chinese?!

Me infiltrating the Korean Dance Circle

One of the sights that surprised me the most along the Marathon route were the many, many, many interracial families. Not so much that I saw them but where I saw them Hopkinton, Ashland, Framingham. I was like "Wow! Who knew?" I think I saw more along the Marathon route in the suburbs than in the city. Challenge the assumptions!

So aside from the Kenyans and Ethiopians, the most popular runner yesterday--hands down--was Flo Allen-Hopson, a.k.a. "Momma Allen," the mother of Boston Celtics shooting guard Ray Allen. We were actually keeping pace with each other for a couple of miles (yes, before she smoked me, but it's Momma Allen so that's okay), and it was so fun seeing people realize who she was after she passed them. They'd invariably start screaming "Oh my gosh! That's Momma Allen! MOMMA ALLEN! I LOVE YOUR SON! I LOVE YOUR SON!" And she would just give a little wave and keep it moving. She is the first woman I've even seen run a marathon with perfectly coiffed hair. And this year was her third Boston Marathon.

New Englanders get a bad wrap when it comes to friendliness and hospitality, but all I know is I couldn't have made it without them: the passerby reminding me just how far I'd come and how little I had to go; the other runners who came up beside me shouting "Looking good! You're doing great!"; the kids standing on the side of the road holding out handfuls of quickly melting ice and saying "Good job!"; the tailgating, Newton suburbanites who went to great lengths to give me ice and water; the people screaming from the windows of their apartments for me to "KEEP GOING!"; and yes, even the inebriated student in front of Boston College who tried to hug me. To the countless, anonymous faces that helped me make it across the finish line, THANK YOU. I couldn't have done it without you.

Me crossing the finish line :)

My 2012 Boston Marathon Prediction: Africans vs. MARATHON Africans

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 15:33:00 +0000

I'm not a betting a woman, but I predict someone of African descent will win the Boston Marathon on Monday and I will not be that person.

This weekend I have family, friends and loved ones descending upon our humble abode, here to cheer me on as I run the Boston Marathon this Monday, April 16th, as a charity runner for Boston Partners in Education.

When I've mentioned the marathon to people while I was training I heard a few comments that made my pause like, "Oh, you're African, you'll be fine. YOU CAN WIN!"

Um...no.

First, let's just say I have an "interesting" runner's build. My dad is over 6 feet tall and my mom is 4'11. So inherited my dad's height but my mom's tiny feet.

Second, let's be clear, when it comes to the Boston Marathon, EAST Africans have it on lock, so much so that I wonder if anyone from the Boston Athletic Association has considered renaming it the "Kenyan-Ethopian Marathon in Boston."

Us West Africans, we'll stick to soccer...football...sprinting...basketball, those sports that give us a minute to take a break and catch our breath. Although at one point during our training long runs, I was a bit concerned spectators were beginning to think I was Kenyan because of my coach's tendency to yell: "Like a Kenyan baby! Like a Kenyan!" while watching me run.

But on a serious note, I've been truly humbled and amazed through the entire experience of training for the Boston Marathon and raising money for my charity. This past week while doing my last, short training runs by the Charles River, I caught some of these elite Kenyan and Ethiopian runners also doing runs. "Wow,"I whispered to myself, "those aren't just Africans, those are marathon Africans."

For those of you interested in keeping abreast of my progress on marathon day you can sign up for the AT&T Athlete Alert. My bib number is: 24925

Smashing Eggs: Easter 2012

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 10:06:00 +0000

If you've come across the new JCPenny catalog recently, then you may have gotten a glimpse into how we'll be spending part of our Easter Sunday:

Yes, we will be smashing eggshells filled with confetti on the heads of complete strangers.

For years I've heard friends, colleagues, and acquaintances speak about "Easter at Maria's" like folklore or legend: only happens once a year, tons of people, lots of food (even lobster?!), but most importantly: cascarones -- egg shells that have been emptied, washed, dried, (sometimes dyed), and then filled with confetti.

Here's a video of my friend Maria providing her explanation of the Easter tradition (that's also her and her family in the JCPenny spread above -- she's one of the few people I know that could make separating eggs look that glamorous).

Judging by Maria's comment, "So on Easter, I put my tequila in a sippy-cup," it sounds like things get pretty messy:

I must admit, I'm a little concerned about my hair. Just a little.

Turning The Haters Into Believers: My Mom's Campaign To Preserve The Engagement Ceremony

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 21:29:00 +0000

My engagement ceremony: mom, me, dad, and the drummers because what's a celebration without drummers?!

Last November while preparing to host Thanksgiving dinner for my family of origin and our friends in Boston, I started picking up on my mom's ulterior motives for the visit. During a pre-Thanksgiving phone call that included my requests for jollof rice and rum cake, she repeatedly inquired about my engagement ceremony DVD.

"But mom, you have a copy."

"I know but I gave it someone and they never gave it back."

"Um, well, you might need to go on ahead and give them a call and say, 'Where is my DVD?!'"

"Please, just give me your copy."

"Why? So it'll go missing like the one you had? Mom, you can't just go around passing out copies of our engagement ceremony like it's a bootleg copy of a Tyler Perry movie. Why don't you just call the guy who did the videography and ask him to make you another copy?"

"I did and he said he doesn't have it anymore."

"He doesn't have it?! It was only five years ago! See...some of these Nigerian vendors...what kind of shady business is he running?"

"Tinu PLEASE! I promise I'll give it back." Then I heard my father's voice in the background, coming to my defense: "I don't blame her!" he said to my mom. "I wouldn't give you another copy either."

Clearly, I am my father's daughter.

As a compromise we spent the day after Thanksgiving wading through Black Friday crowds to kill time while waiting for Staples to make a copy of the DVD. My advice to my mom: "As soon as you get back to Maryland you should take this copy, keep it as your replacement for the one you gave away, and then make a copy so we don't have to do through this again." So you can guess my reaction when I recently received the following voicemail: "Hello? Ah, yes -- Tinu? This is your mom. How are you? Look, please can you help me make a copy of your engagement ceremony DVD? Please, I really, really need it. So if you could do that for me I would kindly appreciate it. Say hello to Josh."

*sigh*

Now before you start leaving comments about how I'm such a terrible daughter, rest assured, my mom has yet ANOTHER copy of the DVD made at the SAME Staples. In fact when I dropped it off, the gentleman looked down at the cover and said, "Oh! I remember copying this last time!" But before I sent it off to her, I was curious as to why her Nigerian friends, intimately acquainted with the custom, were asking for the DVD. Her short answer: "Well all their children are getting engaged and marrying white guys." Dissatisfied with her response, I kept pressing her on the issue. I mean, there are lots of other Nigerians they know whose children have married someone who isn't Nigerian so... why us? "Well," my mom added, "their children said that won't do an engagement ceremony unless their parents do it the way you guys did."

The conversation still left me scratching my head. A traditional engagement ceremony serves as the official introduction of two families being joined together through marriage because in Yoruba culture, as in many non-Western cultures, when you marry the person you do marry the family (and sometimes the whole tribe). More importantly, it also serves as the groom's opportunity to beg for the bride. The most indelible memory from our engagement ceremony was how hot it was in my parents basement where the ceremony took place even though we had the A/C cranked up (but hey, it was August in Maryland). And while ceremonies can have unique elements, many elements are pretty common like the entrance of the groom's family, bringing out the bride, prostrating to parents/elders, singing, and reading the groom's family's "letter of intent" (which I think my family actually drafted).

My mom kind of tip-toed around the issue but I realized that one of the main elements of our ceremony that her friends' children wanted to replicate was the absence of "the D-word": DOWRY.

From the time I was old enough to attend engagement ceremonies and understand their significance, my father made it abundantly clear that he would NEVER accept dowries (money) for his daughters because there is no amount of money in the world anyone could ever give for his daughters. So while our ceremony included an exchanging of gifts between families -- I'm pretty sure a case of Martinelli's Sparkling Cider and some fruit baskets were involved -- a dowry played no part in the ceremony and my husband was not complaining. I'd say my dad's view is pretty rare among Nigerian men of his generation.

So I thought I'd give my mom suggestions for engagement ceremony resources that would not involve me spending so much time making DVD copies: "Have you look on Youtube?" I asked, totally expecting my mom not even know what Youtube was, "There are lots of engagement ceremonies on there." But mom never ceases to surprise me: "Oh please," she responded, "There are so many stupid ones on there. I don't have time for that foolishness."

Why I'm Not Celebrating National Marriage Week

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 02:57:00 +0000

Since I write about marriage and relationships, I felt a bit out of the loop when I learned on Twitter that National Marriage Week was in full effect. But once I began mentioning to friends: Hey! Did you know it's National Marriage Week?, I figured that their blank stares and side-eyes meant I wasn't the only one who didn't get the memo.

The National Marriage Week USA site lists a bunch of events so I said to myself, Hm...let's see what National Marriage Week events are going on in the city of Boston -- the largest New England city and the tenth largest metropolitan area in the United States! I began scrolling through a list that was supposed to show me events in my area, but it really just showed me events in everyone else's area: Texas, California, South Dakota, Texas, Arkansas, Mississippi, Texas, Kansas, Illinois, Tennessee, Texas, Alabama, Texas, Indiana, Missouri, North Carolina, oh, and Texas.

So figured it would just be faster to put in my state and -- voila! -- a whopping two events appeared. One in Dartmouth, Massachusetts which my husband had to explain wasn't THE Dartmouth but more like THE Dartmouth's stepcousin, and another in Holbrook, Massachusetts, a suburb about 20 miles south of Boston.

Now, considering that the stated purpose of National Marriage Week is to strengthen marriage, I assumed any associated events would be just that: an opportunity for couples to strengthen their marriage in substantive ways. Maybe an opportunity to set aside the distractions of the week to sit face to face and connect. Maybe a couples rub down that might lead to you know what. Heck, maybe even a room with one of those 7-foot champagne bathtubs like in the Poconos! But no, one of the events was essentially a Saturday evening potluck followed by a viewing of a two-hour, Focus on the Family webcast.

No disrespect to Dartmouth, Holbrook, or strong marriages, but on this one...I'll have to pass.

The Key a Successful Marriage Union: Separation

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 18:49:00 +0000

It's official. We're Brendan James groupies.

Our latest BJP (Brendan James Pilgrimage) took us to New York City for Rock Talk Presents: Brendan James. Part performance, part intimate conversation, Rock Talks allowed the audience to listen in on a conversation between Brendan James and 2011 Emmy Award winning news anchor Phil Lipof; interweaving a discussion about his career throughout a performance of some of his newest songs.

So with my sister-in-law in tow, my husband and I trekked over to Feinstein's at Loews Regency and settled into our booth for the evening, a room that looked like it doubled as the set of Mad Men. After giving Phil a pep talk (he found out we came down from Boston and told us he's from Newton, Massachusetts), we enjoyed another great Brendan James performance while turning my sister-in-law into a believer. And in typical Diver fashion we made our presence known by shouting "TARHEELS!" and "GO PATS!" when the interview questions turned to sports, and by punctuating with end of songs with: "You betta SANG!" and "Dat boy good! (And my husband's best "Nigerian" translation impersonation: "Deh boy iz good!")

For those of you who don't remember Mr. James from my previous post, he's a fellow Tarheel, my favorite "white-guy-with-a-piano," the singer-songwriter my husband stumbled upon one day on iTunes and as been playing on repeat ever since. Over the last year we've seen him perform live at least 3 or 4 times. And from one show to the next, he's remained the same humble, down-to-earth, and approachable person who takes time to meet and connect with his audience.

Our favorite Brendan James story thus far is when my husband ran into him in between sets at a show and requested his cover of Jamie Foxx's Blame It. Considering we were in Londonderry, New Hampshire at the time, Brendan was a tad skeptical about how it would go over with the crowd. But I had complete confidence that white people still love hip-hop. Yes, even in New Hampshire.

But what impressed me most about this particular show wasn't so much Brendan James' music, but another theme that came up repeatedly during the interview: his marriage. He spoke often about his marriage in light of his own parents' divorce and the demands of his music career, particularly one that requires him to spend a significant amount of time on the road and way from home. As in previous interviews, Brendan mentioned that his wife does not travel with him because she has her own life and interests aside from his work as a musician (to which I'm sure I let out an "Amen!").

When asked about his thoughts on the current state of marriage in America, Brendan acknowledged the reality of increasing divorce rates and declining marriage rates while at the same time expressing hope. He's optimistic that his own generation -- having experienced the impact of divorce first-hand -- will be even more committed to stem that tide. And personally, I hope he's right.

Why Bridal Showers Are The Worst Place To Learn About Marriage

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 05:00:00 +0000

What I love most about my wedding video is that it captures all the mistakes and imperfections from our wedding day; moments like the arrival of chronically late relatives, members of the wedding party making stank faces, and all the people delivering heartfelt wishes whom neither my husband nor I can recognize.

Even on the best-intentioned wedding days, things go wrong. For many brides such a statement is anathema, and I believe one event in particular feeds into this delusion: bridal showers. I’ve come to realize that an event originally meant to prepare brides for marriage can actually set them up for disappointment for a few reasons:

Not even Victoria Secret models wear that much lingerie.

Last year I attended a bridal shower for a friend whose entire guest list consisted of women from her church. Now, a church bridal shower is just like a secular bridal shower except:

1) Someone has to pray, at least once;

2) There is no alcohol; and

3) It’s raunchier.

Now, I loved being "that friend" who made the bride blush with a honeymoon gift resembling dental floss -- only to be upstaged by the gifts of edible body condiments and Fruit Roll Up thong underwear, from the pastor’s wife of course -- but if one were to extract the meaning of marriage solely from the average bridal shower gifts, you’d think marriage took place entirely in the bedroom and the kitchen. If we were really honest with brides about life after marriage, there’d be a lot more pairs of sweatpants and granny panties showing up as shower gifts.

We lie to the bride.

The unspoken rule of bridal showers: Do not upset the bride. So what if her future mother-in-law decided to add herself to the wedding party without asking? So what if the bride doesn’t know whether her groom got their wedding rings out of layaway and the rehearsal is tomorrow? And so what if she insists that the last fifty pounds she needs to lose to fit into her wedding gown are coming off in two weeks? As far as her bridal shower is concerned she is svelte, her wedding will be perfect, and she is marrying the fourth member of the Trinity.

The people with the most to say have no business talking.

I’ve come to dread that portion of bridal showers where guests give marriage advice to the bride because the people giving the most advice are newlyweds who have been married for five minutes. The result? Some of the worst marriage advice I’ve ever heard including:

"When you’re mad at your husband, just pray and read the Bible."
"You may cry sometimes but the tears will always be tears of joy."
"You two will be okay because you have God, are Christians, and go to church."

I was so disturbed by the advice given at one shower, that I simply stared at the floor until it was over.

Afterward, another guest questioned my decision to refrain from participating in the advice giving. She confronted me while I was standing over the cake, minding my own business, trying to decide whether I wanted a corner piece or a middle piece. She snarked, "Tinu! I’m surprised you didn’t share any advice! You’ve been married for soooo loooong!

I tried my best not to give her the side-eye, but thought to myself: Are years of marriage being calculated like dog years now? Last time I checked, my 5 years of marriage was a drop in the bucket compared to my parents’ 35 years. As I picked up my cake and headed back to the folding chair, where my fruit punch awaited, I responded: "You know, I think I’ll wait until after the wedding to give her my advice--over a BIG bottle of wine--because she’s not going to remember any of this anyway."

Wedding Nouveau Winter 2012 Giveaway

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 23:30:00 +0000

Next week, the Wedding Nouveau Winter 2012: The Girlfriend Issue "hits stands" and features my article "Why Bridal Showers Are The Worst Place To Learn About Marriage." Consider it my belated Christmas gift to all of you newly engaged readers (congratulations!) or to all you readers who have come to loathe this bridal rite of passage for one reason or another (I won't ask for a show of hands).

And what would a new Wedding Nouveau issue be without...that's right...a GIVEAWAY! This month you could win a "Here Comes the Bride" Luxury Beauty Box from Birchbox (I swear, there is so much wedding stuff that didn't exist when I got married!)

To learn more about the giveaway and how to enter visit: http://weddingnouveau.com/giveaways/

Happy New Year: Reflecting On A Full 2011

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 21:45:00 +0000

I find New Year's Eve to be a deeply reflective holiday (drunken revelry aside) and each year I ask whoever we're celebrating with: "If you could sum up the year in one word, what would it be?"

For me, this year's answer is: FULL.

Full of crazy videos, awkward moments, butchered Spanish, discussions that never happened, crazy cab drivers, flights, airports, reconnecting with old friends, making friends anew, conferences, meet ups, plays, films, white guys with guitars, conjugal bliss, moving boxes, white dance circles, cultural obsessions, keeping it tight, Fung Wah bus rides, weddings, holidays, birth, death, mistaken identity, triumphs, failures, chicken and waffles, thick blood, assumption challenging, and most importantly: laughter. Thanks in large part to you, my wonderful readers.

I wish you all a safe, enjoyable, and prosperous New Year!

A 61-Year-Old Bootcamper, The 2012 Boston Marathon, And Me

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 22:05:00 +0000

A few weeks ago while traveling in Washington, DC for work, I happened to walk by the gym I used while living there this past summer. Through the glass walls and door I could see my former bootcamp instructor speaking with another gym member. We caught eyes she began waving excitedly, motioning that I should come over.

After hugs and a brief motherly/priestly check-in that coaxed out a confession of falling off the exercise wagon and eating lots more sugar, I turned to go about my merry way when my instructor exclaimed, "Oh! I did my marathon! I have pictures! Come and see!" I'd completely forgotten about seeing her morning after morning, trudging along on a treadmill in the corner, head down, earbuds in place, until it was time to teach her first bootcamp or spinning class of the day.

I followed her into her office, and she proudly placed a large 8 x 10 photo of her victoriously crossing the finish line at the 2011 Marine Corps Marathon in Washington, DC. "I finished in 6 hours and because of my age group I placed pretty well! Right in the middle of the pack."

Oh yes. I should mention that my instructor was running the marathon to celebrate her birthday. Her 61st birthday.

As I smiled, nodded and listened to her marathon highlights, she had no way of knowing about the thoughts going on in my head; how just a few hours earlier during my flight from Boston, I continued mulling over the idea of running the Boston Marathon -- a thought planted by my husband after completing a longer-than-usual run. But I could think of a lot of other things I'd rather do for four hours on a state holiday, like eating a big plate of chicken nachos from my favorite burrito place.

"Wow, well this is really inspiring," I responded. "I've been thinking about running a marathon myself --"
"DO IT," my instructor insisted,"You can totally do it."

Aside from the whole 26.2 mile thing, I also knew running the Boston Marathon wouldn't be easy just in terms of getting into the race. I had no qualifying races under my belt. Regular registration was over. And considering how late I was in the game, I new the few nonprofits able to get numbers through the John Hancock Charity Program finished their application processes months, kicked off their respective fundraising campaigns, and already began team training. Yet, I failed to see the timing of this conversation as random.

I returned to Boston and thought of the nonprofit organizations to which I felt most connected. I had no expectations that my inquiries about applying for a charity team and made peace with the fact that if it didn't work out, well, it just wasn't meant to be. But I thought, "What the heck, it never hurts to ask right? What's the worst they say? No?"

So I emailed Boston Partners in Education, an organization whose doors were some of the first I walked through when we moved to Boston five years ago: "I know the application period ended last month," I wrote, "but just wanted to see if you were still looking for team members." The response? Suprising: "Hi Tinu, We are still looking for one more team member to run the 2012 Boston Marathon for Boston Partners in Education and fundraise for us."

After completing an application and providing some additional information to Executive Director, Pam Civins, later that week I received a call inviting me to join Team Boston Partners. And I accepted. Afterward I hung up the phone, sat back at my desk and said, "WHAT DID I JUST DO?!?!" With each ensuing week of training, I'm finding that out.

To keep up to date with my training and fundraising progress, check out my Team Boston Partners Crowdrise page: http://www.crowdrise.com/tinudiver

Review: You Got Serve(d)!

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 19:58:00 +0000

This post is sponsored by Serve from American Express. Sign up for Serve and receive $10 credit towards your first use. Comment below within the next 7 days for your chance to win an extra $100 credit to your account!

Is it just me, or has splitting a check among friends at a restaurant become harder than it needs to be? Why does the math always add up when your paying for a meal by yourself but when four or more people get involved covering the bill and tip seems to be an issue?

Well, Serve, American Express' new service can help! Serve helps you send and receive funds as well as manage online payments, all from one account. Signing up with Serve is easy and when opening an account you get $10 to use as your please. Within days you'll receive your Serve card which you can use to make purchases online and offline wherever American Express is accepted in the U.S.

Within days for signing up for my Serve account I found myself in plenty of situations where using Serve would come in handy: reimbursing friends for meals after I realized I left my purse in car or at home ( I swear it was just a coincidence!); settling a restaurant bill with co-workers during a holiday lunch outing; and paying back a friend my share of a group baby shower gift.

Any one of my readers who opens up a Serve account and leaves a comment saying they have opened an account will be entered to win a $100 credit to their account. AMEX/Serve will select one of my commenters as the winner. You have until EOD on 12/27 to enter.

Remember to sign up for Serve and receive $10 credit towards your first use. Comment below within the next 7 days for your chance to win an extra $100 credit to your account! Official sweepstakes rules and regulations may be found by clicking here. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity, as I do.

The Black Girl's Guide To Surviving A White Christmas

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 17:14:00 +0000

After last year's guide, I thought it might be time for an update.

And no, these are not tips for surviving your first Boston winter or how to become "Queen of the Slopes" during your first ski trip to New Hampshire -- I'm talking about surviving your first Christmas with your white in-laws.

5. Have an escape plan.
Not just physically, but conversationally. So when your husband's Aunt Ginger corners you and begins her "20 Questions" drill to find out why you haven't popped out triplets when you've been married for 4 weeks, instead of screaming: "MIND YOUR OWN @#!*&$# UTERUS!" at the top of your lungs, you can simply deflect and say: "Man this cube of cheese is good! I think I'll have another! Pardon me."

4. If you can cook, BRING IT...
Word on the street is I caused a bit of a "ruckus" one holiday when my North Carolina Sweet Potato Casserole went head-to-head with some one else's sweet potato dish that consisted of drained canned sweet potatoes topped with marshmallows. Now I have nothing against Bruce's Candied Yams, but you can guess which recipe relatives were emailing me for after the fact. I'm not bragging, I'm just saying...

3. ...And if you can't cook, LEAVE IT.
You have one chance to make a first impression, especially when it comes to your cooking. When it comes to holiday gathers, how many of you try to ascertain who brought or made which dish before putting the food on your plate? Go on ahead, raise your hands...I'll wait.

Mmm-hmm...thought so.

Don't be that person whose food everyone avoids because it gave them the runs last year. If the culinary arts isn't your strength, just stick to something that's hard to mess up like a bottle of Two Buck Chuck.

2. Bring your own playlist.
If your in-laws are part of hip-hop's allegedly, largely white audience, you might want to make sure the word "n*gga" isn't repeatedly blasted over the sound system throughout the evening. Because having a conversation with your grandmother-in-law or your 5 year-old niece while 50 Cent is in the background rapping "...hoes down, G's up I see Xzibit in the cut, hey n*gga roll that weed up" is just...well...awkward. I mean do you want to explain those lyrics to a 5 year-old during the family Christmas gathering? Me neither. Problem solved.

1. Smile and nod...or at least just nod.
Maybe you don't understand why Cousin Bucky believes the President is the antichrist, or why Aunt Melba's dog has its own seat, name card, and place setting at the grown ups table while you and your husband are still stuck at the kid's table. Maybe no one told you that between every round of Yankee Swap everyone bursts into the Notre Dame fight song or Uncle Amos insists on asking about your "Oriental" friends he met at your wedding when he should be asking about your Korean friends. The bright side is you can still be remembered as the pleasant, always smiling in-law, but in your mind think whatever you want!

Safe travels to everyone making their way to be with friends and loved ones! Best wishes to all of you during this holiday season. Enjoy!

19th Annual Cherry Creek Diversity Conference - February 4, 2012

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 13:23:00 +0000

I've never been to the state of Colorado. And when I think of "Colorado" what comes to mind is thin air, mountains, skiing, and wondering whether it's colder than Boston. But I'm always up for having my assumptions challenged.

So I'm even more excited to have the opportunity to present a workshop on interracial relationships at the 19th Annual Cherry Creek Diversity Conference, the largest diversity conference in the state of Colorado. The conference takes place on February 4, 2012. For more information or to register, check out http://www.cherrycreekdiversity.org/

"We'll Bury You But We Won't Marry You!" : How To Make Interracial Couples Feel Unwelcome At Your Church

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 12:41:00 +0000

If you've Googled the words "church" and "Kentucky" over the last couple of days, chances are you didn't stumble up on articles about fried chicken establishments accused of deep frying animals other than chickens. Most likely you read about Gulnare Freewill Baptist Church and a recent vote by its members to control the movement of interracial couples within its four walls. In a previous post I've mentioned some of the dynamics my husband and I experienced while dating, engaged, and married as it relates to our experiences in church, but in light of current events, I found it apropos to highlight some additions that at times left us scratching our head:

Referring to someone in the third person while he/she is standing right in front of you.

Last Sunday I noticed my husband chatting with a gentleman I didn't recognize, so I walked over to introduce myself, standing next to my husband and across from the gentleman, politely listening as they carried on their conversation. The gentleman kept asking my husband questions about me even though I was standing right in front of him. I thought it was a bit strange as he went on talking to my husband using the term "your wife" but then I realized he hadn't put two and two together nor my husband and I. When he finally stopped long enough for my to introduce myself, I did so as: "Tinu DIV-HER. HIS WIFE." And yes I did roll my neck and raise my voice while I said it (forgive me Lord).

Placing the entire responsibility for the "test" in your testimony on one ethnic/racial group.

Recently, my siblings and I were discussing some of the crazy shenanigans that go on during testimonies at New Year's Eve/Watch Night church services. Invariably, the first people to grab the microphone are people you haven't seen at church since last year's New Year's Eve service. But my personal qualm is the inappropriateness/irrelevance/offensiveness of some of the things that people get away with sharing. I've heard everything from people blaming the white man for their delayed promotion, to referring to someone that treated them unfairly as "oriental," to talking about situations where some is trying to "Jew you." So essentially what is meant to be a moment for the body of Christ to come together and encourage one another by hearing about how God is at work in individual lives gets hijacked by people who want to vent for forty-five minutes about topics not suitable for anyone under the age of eighty-five. Yes, you may be tired and your feet hurt and your gout is flaring up again, but consider whether bringing that up in front of an entire church congregation (including visitors) on New Year's Eve in the right venue for sharing that information.

Degrading an entire continent, nation, or people group... through prayer.

When it comes to churches supporting mission trips and missionaries, historically the continent of Africa has been a "popular" destination for people, money, and resources. So to sit in a church service and listen to a prayer for the individuals and the work they are carrying out is nothing new to me. However, what does catch me off guard is when these prayers are basically a laundry list of diseases that people hope to avoid contracting during the mission trip. Now don't get me wrong, I have no issue with people staying healthy while traveling, however, I do have an issue with the single story that we tend to project on the people and places we consider "the other."

Because this is a humor blog about interracial relationships, I was a tad reluctant to write anything about this topic. I can't say I find anything funny about a congregation determining that the only church activities my husband and I should participate in are each others' funerals. And yet it reminds me of the need for grace and the fact that there are no perfect churches, but rather broken churches filled with broken people.

Think YOUR Family Has Issues? You Haven't Seen 'Stick Fly' on Broadway

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 15:58:00 +0000

Photo of the marquee while waiting in line for doors to open

The first time I learned about playwright Lydia R. Diamond, I was sitting in a small, windowless conference room on the campus of Harvard University. Sitting next to me was one of my best friends Rachel who was visiting us in Boston during a break from her studies at Oxford University as a Rhodes Scholar. Across the table from us sat her former professor at Harvard’s Graduate School of Education, John Diamond. Seeing as though I considered myself the third wheel, I sat quietly during most of their conversation as they bantered back in forth about all things academia such as her research in England and his experiences as a member of Harvard’s faculty.

But the most indelible part of their conversation was the palpable pride Professor Diamond displayed while talking about his wife Lydia, her work as a playwright, and the strides she was making in expanding her firmly established reputation from Chicago to Boston. I made a mental note to look up her work and began following her career from afar, catching news about her local productions and her interviews in local publications and shows. So when heard earlier this year that her play Stick Fly was Broadway-bound -- being directed by Kenny Leon and produced by Alicia Keys no less—the first thing I did was call Rachel saying: “Dude. This is huge.”

So last week my husband and I headed down to New York for the first preview performance of Stick Fly’s Broadway production. Stick Fly delves into a host of topics including race, color, class, privilege, education, sibling rivalries, and of particular interest: interracial relationships. The play is set on Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts, in the vacation home of the LeVays, an affluent African-American family. The two LeVay sons Kent (Dulé Hill) and Flip (Mekhi Phifer) arrive for a family vacation weekend -- one with his black, entomologist fiancée Taylor (Tracee Thoms) and the other with his ~~Italian~~ white, European-backpacker turned Peace Corps member turned savior of Black and Latino inner city children girlfriend Kimber (Rosie Benton). Add to the plot some family dysfunction and well-kept secrets that come to light and you have two hours of jaw-dropping, gasping, and laughing out loud. And don't be surprised if you hear the person behind you let out an "Oh no s/he didn't!" or an "I KNOW that's right!" before the night is over.

Photo of the set from our seats

Having read the play this summer, I knew that the foundation of such excellent performances by the cast (particularly the character of Cheryl played by Condola Rashad) was Lydia Diamond's writing, particularly her knack for voice and dialogue. On more than occasion, my husband commented: "These actors are really good at improvising. I mean, they just made that up that one line on the spot right? That wasn't in the script was it?" And on more than one occasion I'd reply, "Um, honey, it's in the script. Lydia Diamond wrote that."

I have no reservations giving this play two, enthusiastic thumbs up. If there is any play that would leave you challenging assumptions, Stick Fly would be it.

The cast of Stick Fly at curtain call: Rosie Benton, Mekhi Phifer, Dulé Hill, Tracee Thoms, Condola Rashad and Ruben Santiago-Hudson

T-Shirts Say The Darndest Things: My Blogalicious Weekend Recap

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 22:47:00 +0000

Yours truly. Don't ask no questions. Blogalicious11/Credit: Carol Cain

Getting my cookbook signed by "Big Daddy"Aaron McCargo Jr.

The solitary image that encapsulates my Blogalicious 2011 Weekend? According to my husband, it's the pile of reusable bags slowing taking over our hallway closet. Well, he does have a point. When he dropped me off at the airport, I had a single suitcase and small carry-on. When he picked me up two weeks later, he looked amused as I waddled from baggage claim to the car so I wouldn't tip over from the weight of three additional bags of "stuff" I'd acquired during my trip.

But in conferences--as in life--people are more important than things, and above all, Blogalicious provided a great opportunity to connect with a supportive community of diverse women (and men!) in social media. Some whom I'd known before ever meeting like Michelle, Euphoria, and Ruby. But mostly new friends like Nae, Janelle, Jenda, Thien, Kathy, Nanette, Chai, Patricia and Paula Patton (I know ya'll like how I just threw in that last one in there).

So why all the "stuff"? Well, because brands, causes, movements, films, and authors come out in full force at Blogalicious, seeking to amplify their reach and impact through social media. While meandering through the exhibition area I noticed a gentleman wearing a Red Sox cap and made a beeline to his booth. Turns out he was from DailyFeats, a place where you get points, rewards and encouragement from friends for all your day-to-day accomplishments. I'm pretty partial to the feats in the "Romance" category, "Date Night" being my personal favorite <wink>. So whether you're trying to eat more leafy green, mustering up the courage to meet with a professor, or getting into the habit of returning those phone calls from your extended family, DailyFeats can provide the motivation, encouragement, and incentives you need to actually see those goals come to fruition. Monique over at DailyFeats has been so kind as to set up a promo code just for you, my beloved readers. Sign up for DailyFeats and get 50 bonus points by using the promo code yesweretogether50.

Well, after my "feel-good" moment with DailyFeats, I had my "Yes, We're Together." moment with a new friend, L. Martin Johnson Pratt. I noticed him from across the room--but not so much him as the message emblazoned across his chest: I LOVE BLACK WOMEN. I have got to get one of those t-shirts for my husband! I thought to myself, so I walked over to say hello.

"I love your shirt! Where did you get it? I want to get one for my husband."

"Thanks. But, see, if you get your husband the I LOVE BLACK WOMEN shirt he'll want you to get the I LOVE BLACK MEN SHIRT."

Another blogger who I'd recently met was standing nearby and started chuckling.

“Um…yeah…uh…no. I don’t think so.”

About five minutes and three tweets later Martin understood my response and we laughed about it when we ran into each other again a few minutes later. During lunch we chatted about our respective backgrounds with relation to life and work and before parting ways he added: "But I definitely want to connect with you about the shirt because you'll never believe who stops me on the street all the time and asks me where they can get the shirt--"

“White guys? Yeah, I’m not surprised at all.”

This Weekend: UNC Charlotte's Multicultural Leadership Conference

noreply@blogger.com ("Yes, We're Together") — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 12:58:00 +0000

I know the state of North Carolina is in this week's headlines for other undesirable reasons, but I wanted to let you know about a conference I'll be attending this weekend, the 10th Annual Multicultural Leadership Conference hosted by the University of North Carolina at Charlotte (UNCC).

This regional conference draws half of its attendees from UNCC and the other half from other schools in the area (In fact, I remember seeing fliers for this conference when I was a student in Chapel Hill!). UNCC's Center for Leadership Development and Multicultural Resource Center (MRC) jointly organize the conference and this year anticipates 200 student leaders (including "non-traditional students") and their advisors for a day of training in the areas of leadership, diversity and ethics.

Speakers selected for the conference reflect this year's theme: L.E.A.P. Into Your Community (Learn Empower Act Produce) -- individuals who found a way to address an issue in their community and made a difference. The overall conference goal is for students to learn about being an effective college leader, how to carry those leadership skills over into "the real world" after they graduate, and to equip students with tools to do so. I'll be giving an afternoon talk about interracial relationships, framed largely by some of the topics I've written about and the site's mantra, "challenge the assumptions."

Yesterday I had the pleasure of speaking with Ted Lewis, Assistant Director for Sexual/Gender Diversity at the MRC who conveyed that "the students are super excited about your talk and feel that it's an important topic that needs to be discussed." After going over some more basic, pedestrian, logistics for the weekend, Ted added: "So, yeah, everything is fair game, except -- steer away from asking for money."

Of course I busted out laughing over the phone.

"What?" I replied. "Asking money from the students?!" Ted then proceeded to tell a "well-see-what-had-happened-was" story about a prior event where a speaker encouraged students to donate money to a specific charity. "It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but that wasn't what the program was about."

So feel free to leave any thoughts or ideas (or even questions) in the comments section. And if you are a student attending the conference, please leave a note! I look forward to connecting with you this Saturday, and you can rest assured that I'll leave my collection plate at home.