In the meantime, we here at YLCF have been working hard behind the scenes this month to bring to the forefront the best of ylcf.org, making it easier for you to find encouraging posts, uplifting stories, and great links.

We’re hoping to continue the Classic Re-Posts tradition once a month, as well as a full Month of Classics each and every August. In addition, we’ve added a related section at the bottom of each post, to help you find more great posts on the same topic (though they’re automatically generated, so they might not always be entirely related!).  And, we’ve consolidated our categories and added to our tags for easier browsing!

If you haven’t been by lately, stop by and click around on ylcf.org–you’ll find lots of updates and changes.  To name just a few, all the links have been updated in “Got Personality?“  The Homeschool Stories have seen a re-organization and are just lacking your homeschooling experience!  Plus we’ve put your smiling faces in the footer of each page, so you can join and share our site more easily.

We’d also like to make a special plea to those of you who have your love story featured in our Courtship Stories pages.  Would you consider giving us an update?  We’d like to keep our stories honest and realistic by giving some details of your “happily ever after”–please consider sharing an anniversary photo, family update, or just a reflection on your first years of marriage.  It would be a great testimony to the singles who are browsing that section looking for encouragement about the variety of ways God works!

And stay tuned!  We have a giveaway coming next week, and more exciting changes in the future (we can’t wait to show you!).

We hope you’ll keep the YLCF team in your prayers, and join us in praying for effective, encouraging ministry to continue on here at ylcf.org.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

More posts from ylcf.org:

1. Faces of the YLCF Family
2. Oldies but Goodies
3. Links, values, and a thank you

Human nature is the original fake. In fact, our moral frailty is one of the sturdiest constants of history: a fascinating and discouraging thought, isn’t it? Modern advertising’s common use of words like ‘genuine,’ ‘real,’ and ‘actual’ clue us in to the fact that it’s much easier and cheaper to make something that’s not real. If you don’t think it was the same two thousand years ago, just look at Herod the Great’s hanging palace at Masada. Who needs to lug beveled limestone building blocks in by camel train, when you can build with mud-brick and simulate that dazzlingly white masonry with something as simple as plaster?

And while we’re on the subject of simulations, if you think imitation religion was only a problem for Jesus’ day, why do we use such terms as plaster saint, goody-goody, goody two-shoes, snob, or prig? Jesus had a name for it, too: hypocrisy. In the cosmopolitan cities of His day, “hypocrites” wore masks and wowed the crowds in outdoor amphitheaters. Perhaps if Jesus were having the same conversation today, He’d say, “Woe to you counterfeit Christians, just actors playing your part!” And that brings it closer to home for me.

No, I’m not tempted by trumpets, phylacteries, fringes, or chief seats. I’d just like to avoid all the costly character-training I can – while at the same time I sail smoothly through life on waves of silent admiration. If you’ve ever read “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty,” you’ll know what I mean. I’m starring in my own personal movie. It’s a nice, clean movie in which I play the saintly heroine. Sadly, I’m such a good actor that I sometimes convince even myself that I’m genuinely saintly.

But really, there is something much more insidious going on. When I was a little girl, my mother impressed so strongly on me the fact that my flesh has short-term vision that I had a vivid mental picture of my crafty, sneaky, doomed self-life plotting to lure my soul (which is immortal) into paying the price for its short-lived pleasures. As my dad reminds me, my flesh is a master at justification. It can make a whitewash job glisten more brightly than polished stone.

“You don’t know,” says Jesus, “that you are the wretched one and miserable and poor and blind and naked.”

Help! I approve the things that are excellent. Isn’t that enough? I have such nice taste in spirituality, and I honestly had no idea that I wasn’t real! Now what do I do? How can I ever get my feet on the ground?

Jesus has the answer. “I counsel you to buy of Me gold refined by fire…white garments…and eye salve to anoint your eyes so you can see.” If I don’t see sin in my life, I can ask the Holy Spirit to “convict [me] of sin, righteousness, and judgment.”

But when conviction comes, I cannot allow my inner actor to turn from heroics to melodrama. As George MacDonald points out in The Lady’s Inheritance, often only our pride is hurt when we feel devastated by our own sinfulness. Pride says, “How could I do such a thing?” Truth says, “This is just the way human nature is; this is the way my human nature is! In fact, I can never expect anything better out of it, so I had better turn to God for help.”

In The Great Divorce, C. S. Lewis paints the picture of a man who becomes prisoner to his alter ego. The more he listens to it, the larger it grows and the more he shrinks, until at last he vanishes altogether. At the same time you are recognizing the inevitable wretchedness of your flesh, don’t make the mistake of thinking you are inevitably wretched. You are a new creature, a child of God, with the gift of free will. C. S. Lewis’ tragic man could have been rescued with one word of rejection to his captor.

Hannah Hurnard, once a prisoner to acute self-consciousness, became through the transforming power of the Holy Spirit a bold and joyful adventurer. She warned that if you want to hear God’s voice, you cannot “indulge in daydreams” about yourself. That means no more starring in mental movies, so if one comes on, change the channel! Here you can help yourself by changing your mental diet. Too many movies and novels depict heroes and heroines as “naturally good” and neglect to show all the blood, sweat, and tears that go into character development. For a more realistic view of life, try reading Hannah’s allegory, Hind’s Feet on High Places, her biography, Hearing Heart or books by other clear-eyed authors, such as George MacDonald and C. S. Lewis, Elizabeth Goudge and Elisabeth Elliot.

Have you noticed something about living on a plaster-saint pedestal? It’s lonely up there. “Oh, you’re always good!” an acquaintance gushed to me when I was a teenager. Naturally, I was flattered, until I began to have the uncomfortable feeling that to her, “naturally good” was about as strange and incomprehensible as a space alien. Then I wanted to get off my pedestal!

But how? The temptation was to do something outrageously bad. Of course, that would be just as false as my borrowed glory. The answer is much simpler. Just become vulnerable in relationships: not flaunting deep, dark sins, but not constantly self-editing, either. Your sins will seem much more real to you when other people know about them. You’ll begin to seem much more real – and therefore more lovable – to other people. If that seems too risky, remember that the bottom line is this: what’s in your heart must come out sometime. Why not with trusted friends? And if you take the risk, you’ll discover how refreshing it is to be bumped off your pedestal and onto the solid ground of reality and unconditional love.

When you get that “holier than thou” feeling coming on, cultivate a sense of appreciation for others’ strengths, and vocalize that appreciation to them in detail. Again, it will make the truth more real to you and to them. Some people keep a “hall of shame” which they return to in their minds whenever they need a little deflation. It also helps to recognize that the temptation you scorn now will probably show up at your door later in a more appealing costume. I remember looking down on people who became addicted to computer games… until I discovered a new and fascinating game and wasted an entire afternoon playing it. I honestly thought I was a patient person… until responsibility forced me to stay in situations long enough to actually get bothered and begin yelling at people.

Along the same lines, I’ve found that I can often use logic to keep my feet on the ground. “Let every man think of himself soberly, as he ought to think,” says Paul. That means I have to ask myself, “Am I really so saintly because I stay last to clean in the kitchen, or because I don’t beat my siblings up?” And if I’m honest, I have to answer, “No.” I do those things because I like to clean and because I’m too lazy to pick a fight. Now if I were to offer to wash the lettuce without reminding anyone how much I hate doing it; if I were to take a sudden change of plans calmly; if I were to stop in the middle of a good book in order to get to bed on time – then I would be exhibiting true character.

Once I caught onto the fact that I could not honestly accept flattery, I began (mentally) to don a raincoat and wait it out whenever someone praised me. But when I caught on to the fact that “my gifts” are actually given to me by God for other people’s benefit, I realized that my oh-so-virtuously donned raincoat was actually false pride. What a delicate balancing act!

When I first learned how to drive, I hung so far over to the right that I convinced my poor mother that I was going to run into all the mailboxes. This made me so nervous that I developed the habit of making constant and minute corrections to my steering. Needless to say, my passengers were intensely frustrated with all that swerving! It was only when I fixed my eyes far ahead, on the middle of the road, that I was able to drive smoothly and confidently. While you’re learning to be real, it’s essential to fix your eyes firmly on Jesus.

You discover that the real reason you cannot star in your mental movies is because there can be only one star of the show, and that star is Jesus! The reason you’re lonely on your pedestal is because hypocrisy makes Jesus sick, and because He loves you so much that He is intent on making you real, regardless of the cost to Himself. The reason you want to be real is because He is the original, and He is so naturally supernatural, so beautifully, unselfishly, genuinely holy that you can’t wait to be like Him!

When you’re focused on Jesus, what first merely peeks through the cracks in the crumbling plaster of your self-life will soon shoulder its way through: the living, breathing, growing masterpiece of true holiness that God is creating inside of you. And when that happens, do what Corrie ten Boom did. Come out at the curtain call, accept the bouquet of praise… and then hand it up to Jesus.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

More posts from ylcf.org:

1. A Prideful Undoing
2. Thankful All Year

When I was fifteen, I decided that I needed more consistency in my devotions. So, I resolved to spend a certain amount of time in God’s word every single day. And I mean every single. Those of you perfectionists out there can appreciate, perhaps as no one else can, just how tenacious I was in such an endeavor.

There were those nights when I had sleep-over company, and was up past all hours of sane folk, and remembered just as my weary head hit the pillow. I’d throw off the covers with grim determination and switch on the light by my bed—much to the annoyance of my company, no doubt—and a rather bleary-eyed reading of Psalms and Proverbs would ensue.

Or the times when I was overseas on mission trips and had to be up before the birds. I was practically reading as I brushed my teeth.

Not one day in ten years did I miss. Not one. Not my wedding day; not my honeymoon; not the day I set up housekeeping in my new home. I was absolutely rigorous. My husband was amazed, and frankly, so was I. I think I may have even allowed myself to imagine that God was amazed, too, though I’d never have admitted it.

And then, one day, I forgot. It was a perfectly normal day. We went to bed at a reasonable hour. But the next morning I awoke with a little shriek of dismay.

“Philip, I forgot! I forgot to have my devotions!”

He looked at me for a moment with a funny smile creeping over his face.

“I am so glad,” he said.

I scowled at his off-handedness. But even as I did a strange sort of release began to steal over me. I was glad, too. It was a tremendous relief.

A very silly and perhaps very extreme case. But it showed me so clearly how eager I am to make a spiritual prop of anything close at hand. Even something as well-intentioned—and necessary, I might add—as my quiet time. When I really thought about it, I saw that my time with God had actually become my time with my devotions, a check on my to-do list.

It can happen with anything: church attendance, acts of service, lifestyle choices. And when something that we originally committed to out of simple love for God becomes a mindless routine it has a very ugly name: Legalism. I learned with my little overthrow that God does not love me one iota more if I spend an hour reading the Bible every day. Or any less if I’m just too busy to more than cry out for His help before my feet hit the floor in the morning. What matters to Him is my love for Him, my desperation for Him.

My devotions are still, or should I say, once again, the dearest part of my day. Mine once more is that first flush of wonder that God Almighty would even want to spend time with me. And it doesn’t hurt to have a friendly accountability partner to spur one along the way. But some days it doesn’t happen. Just like many other of our best-laid plans for life. And you know what? God is still right there. He still wants my heart, my first love. He still stands up for me and provides a refuge for me amid the storms of the day. And there’s a beautiful name for that: Grace.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

More posts from ylcf.org:

1. Don’t Check E-mail Before Your Devotions

Why do we have the desire to be married? The answer goes back to the very beginning, to Genesis 2:18-24:

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

The reason God gives for creating woman in the first place is to be a helper for man. We are the completer of the man – his “other half.” That’s so much more than a cute phrase! It really gets to the root of why we want to be married. We want to be joined to our other half! It’s not okay to desire marriage. It’s more than okay – it’s good and right and pleasing to God. He is glorified when His creatures fill the places for which He created them. When you long for marriage, part of that desire is the longing to fill your appointed place in the universe. Rejoice that you have that desire!

Have you ever heard or read something along these lines? “You need to just take all the love that you would give a husband and transfer it to Jesus. He is the only one worthy of your love anyway, and He can fulfill all your longings. If you love Him, you don’t even need a husband.”

This kind of thinking is misleading. Yes, Jesus is to have our hearts. Loving Him is the most important thing in our lives! But He’s not your boyfriend or husband. God has chosen to give us several different kinds of love. Our love for God is not the same kind of love that we would give a husband. When God looked on all His creation in the garden of Eden, He said, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Gen.2:18). Remember that Adam had perfect fellowship with God at this point – there had been no sin. He could communicate with God more fully and completely than any of us have been able to since! And yet God said he was alone. God created mankind with the need for other humans – and more specifically, with a need for a spouse. He didn’t say, “The man is alone so I will bring him another man to be his friend.” It pleased Him to create a woman, and to institute marriage right from the beginning! So to say that we can just love Jesus is obviously missing part of what God intended. Loving Jesus is different than loving a husband.

Substituting Jesus for a “significant other” is not the answer. If we could see Him in all His kingly glory, the idea would be unthinkable.

And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war. His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself. And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God. And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean. And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God. And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS (Revelation 19:11-16).

Your boyfriend? I don’t think so.

Click to read the rest of the series…  Part One >> Part Three >> Part Four

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

More posts from ylcf.org:

1. Content but not Complete – Part Four
2. Hm. What do you think?
3. Content but not Complete, Part One

As one of the few remaining “single and unattached” writers on this site, I’d like to ask some of you (especially those in a similar state) a question: How do you feel about singleness? More importantly, how do you feel about marriage? If you are getting a little older, you may also be getting a little discouraged. Perhaps you’ve experienced a broken dream or relationship. Probably many of your friends are married and having children. We single girls can get caught in the middle. On one hand, we have the intense (and growing!) desire to get married and have children ourselves, but nothing is happening. On the other hand, we’re constantly told to relinquish those desires and embrace the gift of singleness. We try so hard to let go, to turn away from our deep desires, and yet they remain. We think, “Surely there are other aspects to life” – but marriage remains our focal point and the setting of our most intense struggles.

What is wrong? Why the endless struggle? I believe part of the problem stems from our attitude about marriage. Although nearly all of us long for a husband, few of us dare to admit how much. Within our Christian-homeschooling-courtship subculture, honestly expressing the depth of that desire has become somewhat taboo. Instead, singleness has been elevated and marriage regulated to dreams of “someday,” even for those of us in our mid to late twenties. And we single girls have done our part, insisting that we’re capable of being perfectly content and fulfilled right where we are (this may be in part a defense mechanism). “If God wants me to stay here in Dad’s home, and serve my family for the rest of my life, that’s fine with me!” we say glibly – then wonder why that wedding invitation gave us such a pang.

I’d like to offer an alternative to the way we’ve been looking at the whole issue of marriage and singleness, at least from a single’s perspective. Let me say right up front that this radical idea did not originate with me. I’ve run across bits and pieces of it in many diverse places, woven like threads of light through books and articles. What I hope to do in this series of articles is to pull those threads together into a banner of hope for all my struggling single sisters.

Called To Be Single ?

I’ve heard many girls say, “Well, maybe I’m just called to be single.” When no boyfriend is appearing on the scene (especially once you pass the early twenties), it’s tempting to say that! I’ll admit I’ve said it more than a few times myself. But I think we need to examine that phrase a little more closely – after all, “called” is a word with a lot of meaning to a Christian.

So what do we mean by “called to be single”? When you say that lightly to a girlfriend, are you saying the following? “I believe God has a special calling on my life. I am prepared to live a life of celibacy, never experiencing the emotional and physical intimacy of marriage, never having children, and serving God in an unusual way.” As Boundless writer Alex Chediak has pointed out, that kind of calling is fairly rare. God does not call many of His children to that kind of service. If that is your calling, He will give you assurance of that and the grace you need to fulfill it. But for the vast majority of us, that’s simply not what He’s asking for. Often when He doesn’t move as fast as we think He should, we don’t have the patience for Him to guide us to His will. Instead, we throw up our hands and say, “Fine! I guess I’ll just be single!” – perhaps in doing so, turning aside (even temporarily) from the pursuit of our true calling.

But I’m not married today. So today I am called to be single. Today my responsibility is to glorify God through my willing acceptance of my singleness. We need to learn to embrace the temporary as temporary, neither fretting at our current state nor stubbornly deciding it will never change. Because it probably will change, putting us in the place God designed for women from our creation – by a man’s side.

to be continued…

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

More posts from ylcf.org:

1. Content but not Complete – Part Three
2. Content but not Complete – Part Four
3. “Get Married” – A Book Review

A few days later, with great embarrassment, I told my mom that I’d started writing entries for these online friends to read. She told me it was called blogging. I told her no, it couldn’t be blogging. Blogs were written by important people and were about current events or politics. This wasn’t a blog. Couldn’t be a blog.

But I soon discovered this was something I loved. As a bride of less than a year who was adjusting to my new life, I filled many a post with thoughts, emotions, stories, pictures, and quite a bit of craziness. It was, for the most part, just like my paper journals and the letters I used to write. Only this time I had more of an audience and actually received feedback each time I wrote a entry.

I was writing again. And suddenly one day I realized it felt like I’d come full circle. Just as the ebb and flow of my life had changed, so had the way I’d expressed my thoughts. I was back to square one. I’d fallen back in love with writing.

It didn’t take long before I came to terms with the fact that I was, indeed, blogging. It was true. I had a blog, and I’d jumped in with both feet.

As probably almost every one of you can relate to, I was soon an addicted blogger, spending an utterly ridiculous amount of time on the computer. I can definitely say, “Been there done THAT!” Thus began the ongoing battle of keeping the proper balance between this thing we do called blogging and my high calling to real life as a wife and mama. I took breaks, returned to my blog, renewed my commitment to balance–several times. After a few years, I left the private online journaling community and made the move into the full-fledged, public blogosphere. Last summer I had an unfortunate experience which shocked me into remembering just how public this all is, had to move again, and finally landed. Right here.

Sometimes I wonder why on earth I’m doing this. I’m not a great writer. I don’t remember all the rules of English. I don’t “make” anything from what I write. Like most of us, I don’t have hours of free time just waiting to be filled. I get overwhelmed at times, with either the fact that people I don’t know actually read what I say, or the fact that my usual “voice” here on my blog doesn’t always reflect what my heart wants to say. I get caught between having enough time to read other people’s blogs and having time to write on my own. I find myself, once again, spending too much time on here and have to step back and reevaluate my priorities. I would be lying if I said I haven’t come very, very close to ending this blog completely.

But then I remember. I can’t not write. I can’t stop putting my thoughts and my everyday life into the written word any more than I can stop talking to my family or stop living my life. God has given me a love for capturing those thoughts and dreams and, yes, even the craziness–harnessing them and finding just the right word to express them, whether for just myself to read, or for a group of friends I happen to call my bloggie peeps.

I’ve also found something interesting.

Just as my life has had many ups, downs, and sideways journeys, the thing I fell in love with at seven years old–writing–has mirrored every aspect of that. It has taken a journey of it’s own in my life. Just as I can look back through my old journals and see what I was going through at that time and only fully understand the magnitude or the relative insignificance now, I scroll through the old posts here and in each of my old blogging homes and whisper to myself, Wow. Look at how that turned out. Look. Look at what God did. Remember where I was back then–even just a few weeks ago–and look at where we are now.

When friends in “real life” find out that I have a blog, they often ask why. Why do you blog?

I’ve heard people say that a Christian shouldn’t blog unless it’s to share Scripture or lay out the plan of salvation in each post. I’ve read posts where bloggers have criticized other bloggers for posting about life rather than posting more deep spiritual thoughts. I’ve questioned myself numerous times… why do I blog?

I blog for this reason: My creative Lord and Savior has given me a love of the written word, and I choose to use that love for the lifting up of His name. My regular, ordinary life is a daily testimony, through the good, the bad, the lovely and the not-so-lovely, of His work in the life of one of His children. I seek to honor Him in everything. Everything. Whether it is a post about His amazing power and strength to get me through a difficult time, or it’s a silly picture of one of my boys, or it’s a crazy anecdote about a completely wild day in our home–it is all part of the life He’s given me, and it all reflects Him and His glory. His power and strength are amazing… He has made my boys hilarious and silly… He reveals Himself more real than ever, in a million little ways, when we have completely wild and adventurous day around here. He is in everything. So I give Him everything.

And that….that, is my reason for writing.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

More posts from ylcf.org:

1. A Reason for Writing, Part One
2. Great truth on being a writer
3. Writing like I know how

When I was in second or third grade, my parents chose a penmanship curriculum called A Reason for Writing. It was supposed to be a great curriculum, combining the learning of good penmanship with a bit of fun and creativity.

At the end of each week, I would pull one of the pre-decorated and lined sheets of paper from the back of the book, color the illustration framing the lines and then write a personal letter to send to a friend or family member.

It should have been fun, but let me tell you, I hated that book. I just couldn’t stand that curriculum. I dreaded doing it each day. Dreaded writing row after row of curly cursive letters, keeping them uniform and within the correct lines. Combination of perfectionist and lackadaisical that I am, I would often end up in tears when I saw the red circles around letters I’d written sloppily. I wanted it to be perfect, but I just hadn’t really cared when actually completing the assignment.

But while forming an aversion to writing, I was actually discovering, in my free time, a love for writing. Real writing. Not the “cross your t’s and dot your i’s” kind of writing, but the art of putting words to a page. Of capturing an abstract thought and harnessing it into something another person might understand. Of having a concrete place to save all my imaginings, my fears, my joys, my craziness.

When I turned seven, a grandmother-like figure gave me my first diary. It was beige with little hearts on the cover and the pages numbered by the days of the year. Best of all, it had a lock and a key. At seven years old, nothing could be more nifty than that. After the party was over and my little friends were gone, I turned to April 1, put my Lisa Frank pencil to the paper… and unlocked a little bit of magic in my heart.

By the time I was nine, I’d begun my first “novel.” My writing buddy, had given me a thin three-ring-binder and a stack of paper after I’d read the first chapter of her “epic novel” and decided to start my own. Over the next couple years, I made it four whole chapters into my book, entitled Agarn Life. It was the story of the Agarn family (making up odd and outlandish names was also one of my hobbies) and their adventurous life on the prairie. I have absolutely no idea where that plot came from. It couldn’t possibly have had anything to do with the Little House books I was poring over. I don’t remember much of the story line anymore, except for the fact that around eleven or twelve years old, I realized I’d better hurry this story along if I hoped to get it published sometime soon–as I was certain it would be–so I decided to do something drastic and kill off the family patriarch. He was trampled by cattle or something equally dramatic.

Over the next several years, I filled countless spiral notebooks with stories, wrote to dozens of pen-pals regularly, and faithfully wrote in my journal. During my particularly eventful and ridiculously drama-filled sixteenth year, I easily filled three entire journals in about six months.

In a girls’ magazine I subscribed to during my teen years, I once read a short piece which called writing in a journal a “record of God’s faithfulness.” That little phrase stuck with me. Record of His faithfulness.

Is that what I was doing? I wrote in my letters and journals about my daily life, my ups and downs, my deepest thoughts and feelings. My stories were reflections of my imagination; often dreams written on paper. What was the point of any of it? Was it a “record” of anything, or just mindless words written by a young girl?

As I got a little older and the trail of my life rounded some unexpected corners, I continued to fill the pages of my journals and even still write short imaginative pieces. But soon most of the fictional stories were left, half-finished, in notebooks tucked in keepsake boxes. The pen-pals grew up and the letters became less frequent or moved to email instead. Even the journals into which I’d once poured my heart and soul were being opened less and less often. After a particularly difficult time during which I’d written page after page after page in my journal, only to later realize that, in fact, I’d not even been honest with myself in the folds of that little volume, I became less comfortable with putting my thoughts on paper. What was really the point anyway?

Soon I had a husband who was a quiet kind of guy and would listen to me ramble on and on and on for hours every evening. On the lines of my pretty little journal I’d write particularly meaningful scripture references, sometimes accompanied by a few brief thoughts. But now that I had someone who would listen to my ongoing and endless ramblings about life and such, I rarely wrote much about it on paper anymore.

Then I heard that some of those old pen pals and the girls who had read those sweet teen girls’ magazines were actually still keeping in touch with each other–they’d all just moved online. I visited the online journaling site and saw names I recognized and quickly found old far-away friends.

And then, one night, while on the phone with my best girlfriend who was also perusing through the lists of mutual old friends…

I signed up.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

More posts from ylcf.org:

1. Words and Paper
2. Elisabeth Elliot on Writing
3. YLCF Team Members on Writing –Interview Part Seven

“I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want – an adorable pancreas?”
-Jean Kerr, The Snake Has All the Lines

I’ve written about frumpy fashion. I’ve discussed the rhyming of comfy and frumpy. But recently, discussions on ylcf.org have turned to beauty.

To be quite honest, I don’t care what anyone else has to say about beauty. All that matters is that I am beautiful to my man. Because I am his beauty. He is my mirror. No one else matters.

Yet, while I look to my man to see my reflection, I am a reflection on him as well. I do not want to appear badly to others, and thus reflect negatively upon him, upon his choice for a bride. I try to dress tastefully, yet I know I will never please the majority. I try to act pleasantly, yet someone may always misunderstand. So my best crowd-pleaser is a cheerful smile. They may think Merritt’s girl has a strange sense of style, but they can at least know I am happy in his love, happy to be his girl.

“I’ve never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.”
-Unknown

It has been said that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” and nothing has ever shown me that so clearly as having a man love me. He thinks I am beautiful when I first get up in the morning. He thinks I am beautiful with no makeup. He even thinks I’m still beautiful at the end of a very long day. He doesn’t love me because I am beautiful. I am beautiful to him because he loves me.

“I don’t like standard beauty – there is no beauty without strangeness.”
-Karl Lagerfeld

While anything is “in” these days, I want my closet to reflect not what’s in, but what my man wants to see on me. He gives me lots of compliments on my cute summer skirts, but he’s quite partial to my Levi’s. He likes my hair short. And he loves me in pink and blue.Two summers ago, I found a pink shirt at JC Penney. Merritt told me over and over and over again how much he liked it. Since then, I’ve kept my eye out for any more pink shirts that will actually go with my red hair. And of course, his favorite color is blue, the one color I never used to wear. “It goes with your blue eyes,” he said. Since that discovery, I have kept my eye out for cute blue shirts at GoodWill. Now my family comments on how frequently I wear the color. But you know what? Merritt adores blue on me. And so I wear it as often as I can, just for him.

“Plainness has its peculiar temptations quite as much as beauty. “
-George Eliot

Every time Merritt comes upon me putting on makeup, he asks, “Why are you doing that? You don’t need it!” It’s really nice to be marrying a man who likes me in my natural, freckled, pale-skinned, pimpled state. But he wants me to feel good about myself, to feel beautiful even when I look in the mirror on the wall instead of the mirror of his eyes. So I have the freedom to wear makeup on the days I feel like “the barn needs painting,” and skip it on the days I don’t.

“As we grow old, the beauty steals inward.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

While I was out shopping on Monday, my cell phone rang. “This is your reminder to eat lunch,” said the dearest voice in the world. I am thankful that my man wants me to be beautifully healthy, not perfectly skinny. He is always reminding me to eat, but he never thinks I have enough fat on my bones. I have an idea that with years, this will change. But I don’t ever want to be too heavy to sit on his lap.

“Beauty is indeed a good gift of God;
but that the good may not think it a great good,
God dispenses it even to the wicked.”
-Saint Augustine

Beauty cannot be defined, for beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty cannot be bought, for beauty is not something we put on. Beauty cannot be earned, for beauty is not a reward. Beauty can only be appreciated. And, I think, love is beauty’s most ardent admirer.

For to him, and him only, am I truly, completely beautiful. Because love is blind.

Thus, even when I’m old, gray, wrinkled, and pudgy, I will still look into the mirror of his eyes and see the adoration reflected there and know that I am, forever and for always, his beauty.

“I hope you have lost your good looks, for while they last any fool can adore you, and the adoration of fools is bad for the soul. No, give me a ruined complexion and a lost figure and sixteen chins on a farmyard of crow’s feet and an obvious wig. Then you shall see me coming out strong.”
-George Bernard Shaw, to Mrs. Patrick Campbell

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

More posts from ylcf.org:

1. Holy Beauty
2. Letting Beauty Fade

read original comments here

I would like to begin by making a clear distinction between ideals and expectations. You may remember my mother’s friend who adjured me: “throw your expectations out the window, but keep your ideals sky high”. I think it was only after I crossed from maidenhood to marriage that I fully realized the wisdom of those words. But, of course, at that point, I had the flesh and blood reality of all I’d been waiting and longing and praying for right there beside me. It was much, much harder to trust that the man I was dreaming of would be all that I had hoped when I was still wondering if he even existed or not. And it was even harder to see the difference between expectations and ideals.

Ideals, I believe, can be a part of a God-given vision of what He wants to do with our lives: what will be best in His loving plan, and, frankly, most appealing to us as the individuals He has created us to be. Rather indistinct, to be sure, because by their very nature they imply a hope not yet seen. But an indefinable part of our very selves.

Expectations tend to be more explicit; they seem to leave less room for God’s surprises and specifics. And they usually indicate that our imagination has pranced ahead of reality and painted a scene on our minds which quickly goes to our hearts and lodges there, masquerading as an ideal. A non-optional requirement. An absolute.

Ideals are things you can’t back down from—things for which you’d chose singleness rather than deny. Is he devoted to Christ? Is he devoted to you? Is he absolutely committed to the principles of God’s word? And, not least by any means, are you devoted to him? I believe that the dream of love is a very valid ideal, so long as it is founded on the love Christ modeled for us, the kind of Love that knows beyond all doubt that it is sweeter to love even than to be loved. Ten minutes into a good marriage you’ll recognize your own unworthiness—both of you—and ideally (and I use this word purposefully ) you’ll channel this self-realization into a self-giving devotion. Because that is the only way to fully experience the joy God had in mind for us when he thought up marriage in the first place.

When you have given your heart to your expectations, to specifics about how he will look or what he will wear or what kind of music he’ll listen to, then you’ve fallen in love with a mere symbol, an image. An idol. We all do it. I know I did. But the wonderful thing about the place God finally had me when I met my husband was that He’d allowed me—through bitter tears—to lay down those specific requirements in a heap. Throughout the wonderful privilege of falling in love with Philip, a real man, (and I’m still falling in love with him…;)) I discovered to my delight that so very many of the things I had ‘laid down’ were resurrected before my eyes.

I hesitate in giving specifics, lest they develop into expectations in anyone else. God’s dealings with each of us are completely unique. But one thing is ever and always the same. He can be trusted. And you cannot ever lose what you have offered to Him.

As an older sister in the Lord, as one a bit farther on the path than some of you may be, I’d just like to figuratively put my arm about each of your shoulders and say, ‘It’s okay—calm down. Your spouse is not something that’s going to happen to you. You have a God-given choice and responsibility in the matter, to carefully weigh every situation you find yourself in, to seek the Lord and His counsel. He will take care of the rest. And we couldn’t ask for a better state of affairs.’

Remember what Elizabeth said:

Some have said God gave them everything they asked for in a husband. God chose to give me far more than I ever could have asked.

I couldn’t agree more. The Lord is good…

(to read Part One click here)

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

More posts from ylcf.org:

1. Ideals and Expectations, Part One
2. A Good Wife
3. Reality and Valentine’s Day

read original comments here

“The more I know of the world, the more am I convinced that I shall never see a man whom I can really love. I require so much!”
~Marianne Dashwood

How many of us sighed at that endearingly-rendered line of Kate Winslet’s in the movie Sense and Sensibility? I know I did, and giggled with my girlfriends over it afterwards. Though not one of us seriously doubted the likelihood of our falling in love one day, it was fun to imagine ourselves turning away scores of dejected suitors and minding our maiden way quite happily. That is, until The One appeared on the scene. We all had different opinions on the making of a perfect man, but one thing we knew for certain: we’d recognize him in a moment.

In fulfillment of a promise to address some of the questions raised on the subject of ideals and expectations, I’d like to begin by saying that Elizabeth has already said it all. Her words rang with the winsomeness of true devotion—to the Lord and to her husband—and my spirit was refreshed, as I know many of yours were, by the simplicity of her response. We often make things so unnecessarily complicated by our musings and emotional meanderings, grasping at this counsel and that, scrutinizing God’s dealings with those around us as if they could actually have any bearing upon His dealings with us. The fact of the matter is that the only way to true peace with regard to our future mate is by way of an age-old path called surrender. In fact, it’s the only way to true peace about anything. And the more comfortable we are with that idea, I believe, the happier we are in this life. We sometimes think of surrender as a last resort, an arms-folded acceptance of an unpleasant situation, rather than the gateway to all the delights our Father’s blessing and joy. How He must marvel at times over our lack of faith!

There was a time in my life when I actually allowed myself to think that God was going to give me the exact opposite of all my heart cherished just to build character in me. Events had dragged my ideals through the mire—and my expectations along with them—and I had begun to doubt that the dream of love was a valid hope. I questioned my married friends almost feverishly—Is this love business all it’s really cracked up to be? And how do you know if you’re really ‘in love’? And, if you are, does it last? They were undeniably patient with me, and gave me such winning, soft-eyed answers. But I was still skeptical. They’re in love! I’d protest to myself. How could they possibly know?

It was my younger sister who finally called me to task on the matter.

“Lanier!” she exclaimed one day when I ventured to suggest my new ideas. “What are you talking about? If we ask Him for bread, does He give us a stone?”

If we ask him for a prince, does He give us a boor? If we appeal for His guidance, does He turn His back? To be sure, God uses disappointed hopes and challenges in our lives to make us more like Jesus, but does He want to be perpetually miserable? Permit me to underscore it—God is perfectly capable of leading us through the process of preparing us for our spouse if we’ll let Him. He won’t prevent us from taking matters into our own hands, from going off on our own and making bad choices. But He does say that if we give Him the reins, He will guide us in the way we should go.

In part two I’ll dip into some of the mechanics of ideals and expectations. But just keep one thing at the front of your minds: if our expectation is in the Lord Himself, we will never be disappointed.

to be continued…

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

read original comments here

Asking for advice, a reader wrote:

“It gets a little frustrating sometimes, knowing that he is the man I am supposed to marry, yet we can’t move forward with our lives and get married because we are both still in college.”

Or because he doesn’t have a job. Or because my parents want us to wait. Or because…

Few relationships move from the first timid “hello” to the soft-whispered “I do” in the space of a year. And even those that do seem to think they had a long time to wait. Sometimes, God does seem to work with the speed of an arrow flying from Cupid’s bow. And I couldn’t be happier for my friends who met and got married so quickly. I wish them a lifetime of becoming closer friends.

But such couples are few and far between. Most, it seems, find the road to the altar long, filled with so many bumps, twists, and turns that they despair of ever reaching the state of matrimony. But in the end, they sing with the Country song, “God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.”

As an old married woman of a whole year, let me tell you a little secret. Once you are married, all those long years of waiting seem so short. And so worth it.

It may have felt like the longest years of your life when you were apart. But as soon as you are married, you will pray that the longest years of your life are ahead: together.

I am thankful that God took His time bringing Merritt and me together. All the tears, the frustrated journal entries, the long lonely nights, the phone calls I never wanted to hang up from, the goodbyes I didn’t want to say…they all served to make me appreciate every moment I have now with my husband so much more. Like Elisabeth Elliot I claim, “There’s one thing I can give you that no woman on earth can outdo me in and that’s appreciation.”

Not that couples who meet and get married within the space of a few months can’t appreciate each other. But each time my husband introduces me as “my wife” (oh what precious words!), I remember all the years of the embarrassed introductions of “my friend Gretchen.” Each birthday with my love, I remember all the birthdays I spent thinking of him, waiting for the card I knew wouldn’t come but couldn’t help wishing for. Each time I play with my husband’s hair, I remember the years of longing to run my hands through those very same brown curls.

When you have loved one person so long, there is no denying that you will appreciate them so much more when they are finally all yours.

And that’s all well and good, you say–but what about now?

Well, another secret I might as well tell you is that a wedding band on your finger does not make you any more patient, any more loving, any more unselfish than you already were. And instead of just spending your best waking hours with the one you love, you get to spend all of them–the good, the bad, and the ugly. Plus, you get to pick up their dirty clothes that always end up on the floor, and they will probably complain once or twice that you haven’t done the dishes yet.

So if you can say with Nancy Reagan that your “greatest ambition is to have a successful, happy marriage,” then start right now.

If you put all the energy you’ve spent being frustrated with the delays into practicing to be a good wife, I promise you, it might not speed up the approach of your wedding date, but you will have a happier marriage.

During this time of waiting, the two of you are laying the foundation of your future marriage.

Do not mix impatience and frustration into the building blocks.

Remember, the longer you have to build the foundation, the stronger it can be.

Related Posts:

• Building Blocks for a Happy Marriage – Part I
• Building Blocks for a Happy Marriage – Part II
• Getting from Too to Two Takes Time
• Farmer’s Wife or First Lady: Woman Behind the Man

Photo: Gretchen (right) visiting with friend Melinda while riding around the farm, summer 2006

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

More posts from ylcf.org:

1. Building Blocks for a Happy Marriage – Part I
2. Building Blocks for a Happy Marriage – Part II
3. Defense of Marriage

read original comments here

Sometimes
in the very middle of the howling winds of my wants
I remember
how short a distance I can see
and Who knows what truly brings me joy.
And so I ask
the One who sees
to choose my inheritance for me.

And then
my Abba
says “No.”

I am cut
and bleed
and weep
and die
(silently)
(inside)
and discover, with some surprise,
that heartache
is literal.

Suddenly, I remember
that I asked Him
to say that “No”
if it would bring me joy –
and I begin shading my eyes
to see it coming.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

read original comments here

Today I got up early and sat before my open bedroom window and watched the sun rise up above the hills and trees. Its light was softly glowing long before it actually could be seen, and then, suddenly, it burst forth upon the mountain tops, down into the valleys and into my window to shine across the room in such a radiant way that one could not help but feel the warmth shine right into the deepest parts of the heart.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

More posts from ylcf.org:

1. Afraid of the Dark
2. God Washed My World Last Night
3. Snow and Stars

read original comments here

It is 34 degrees today. That in itself is noteworthy, because typical temperatures in this part of Wisconsin for February are more like 15 degrees. But that’s not the real reason that I had to look twice at the thermometer. Unfortunately, I’ve gotten into a habit of glancing out the window to check the temperature without making sure it registers in my brain at all. I’ll look out and turn away, only to think “What is the temperature? Did I even see the thermometer?” I do it all the time. Sometimes I do the same thing when I look at the clock. (I know, how can you look at a clock and not see what time it is?)

What concerns me is that I’m finding myself paying less and less attention to other things that are important, like when my mom tells me something she wants me to do (or even something I need to change in my life!). Often it goes in one ear and out the other, not making any impression on me. Admittedly that’s sometimes because I don’t want to change. But more often than not, I simply allow my mind to wander, to go somewhere else. I’m sure I can listen while planning my next task, until Mom finishes and I have no idea what she just said!

This kind of mindset — thinking I can do “everything” at once and don’t have to really focus on things — can even spill into my spiritual life. Actually, that’s the area in which it happens the most easily. I can read the Bible in the morning, and by the time the breakfast dishes are washed I don’t remember any verse that stood out to me. I’m pretty sure there was something I wanted to think about, but I was mentally planning my day (or an article, or a class for my sibling, or a conversation, or…). And the Bible is God’s words to me! That is the primary way He speaks to me! And I can’t remember what He said.

Scary, isn’t it? Perhaps that’s why James compares people who hear God’s word (like me) and don’t do it (it’s hard to obey if you don’t remember what you heard!) to “a man beholding his natural face in a glass: For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was.” (James 1:23-24) I can attest to the truth of that verse. When I read God’s word, I see my sins and the things I need to change. But when I’m not paying attention, I quickly forget those things in the busyness of the day. James continues, “But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continues therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.” (James 1:25, emphasis mine.)

I need to focus more on the issue, problem, task, or Scripture at hand. I need to put aside all the distractions that vie for my attention and keep my mind on what is currently needed, be it instruction from my mom, a question from my little brother, or reading Deuteronomy 28. Only by paying attention to one thing at a time will I truly be able to make progress in any area. And I sure would like to make progress — going forward, instead of around in circles!

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

More posts from ylcf.org:

1. being “spiritual”
2. stress or peace?
3. Interview Part Three

It had been “one of those” mornings.

It was the middle of December–Christmastime. Things were crazy. Everything from the past two months seemed to have hit me that day–my newborn, my husband’s surgery, a trip to Colorado, Christmas preparations, and a deployment date looming in the near future. This particular day was filled with a million little things, and I felt I was hanging by a thread.

In the late afternoon, I finally managed to find a moment to take a shower. I thought if I could just take a quick hot shower, it would wash away the craziness of the day and all would be fine. An hour passed, and between several phone calls and door-bell rings, I still wasn’t in the shower.
A harried mess. That’s what I was. I sat Troy down in my bedroom with a stack of books and a couple toys, put 6-week-old Merritt in his bouncy seat, and hopped in the shower.

But, unlike my expectations, the stress didn’t wash away with the water. I could only feel the tension in my heart building as I ran my long to-do list through my head. I could hear the ringing of the phone–again. The baby was beginning to get fussy and Troy was tired of looking at books. It had been all of two minutes.

I pushed my hair under the stream of water, letting it rinse the shampoo out of my hair. As I wiped the water beads out of my eyes, I heard it.

Be still.

Gently the words came. I pushed them out of my head, trying to focus on the days, weeks ahead of me. There was so much to think about, plan for, keep straight in my head. How desperately I wished time could stop and give me a week to catch up. It was all just so much and I…

Be still.

So softly, that Voice spoke directly to my heart.

Lord, don’t be ridiculous. Be still? Now? Not happening.

I heard the baby crying with all his might. Hurry. Rinse out the conditioner. This shower had taken long enough. Next on the list? Get dinner started and then I’d have to hurry…

Be still. Quiet your heart. Know I am God.

I sighed aloud. Okay, Lord. Okay. Quiet my heart. I’ve made a note of it and I’ll be sure to do that. Maybe once the kids are in bed. Or something.

That still, small voice is persistent. Our little back-and-forth continued as I finished up my shower and went about getting ready.

Be still, and know that I am God.

Lord, my heart replied. I already do know you are God. Of course I do.

Be still, and know that I am God. Quiet your heart before me.

~*~

This evening, things were completely chaotic in our house. What was really only about thirty minutes felt like days.

We were on our way to our church’s annual mission’s dinner. I had made food, was scheduled to work in the nursery for the service after the dinner, and was hoping to catch some of the amazing man, Don Sisk’s, preaching through the television screen in the nursery.

But my reality at that moment wasn’t so rosy. Both boys were crying. This was not just fussiness or whimpering. Troy was sobbing as if his life was ending. Merritt was screaming with everything in him.

I was beside myself.

I hurried them both along. I tossed brownies on a plate. I ran in my heels to fill diaper bags. I replaced the binky. I consoled. I held. I got impatient and spoke too harshly. I walked into the kitchen, away from the boys and let out a long at-my-wit’s-end-again groan. I put the baby in his carseat, directed Troy to the door, slung my purse and the diaper bag over a shoulder and picked up my plate of brownies, nearly forgetting to grab my Bible with that extra hand I don’t have.

And then I heard it in my heart, always so soft and gentle.

Be still.

I was frustrated. Lord, this is NOT the time. I don’t have a second for stillness right now. This is crazy. I feel like I’m falling apart. I don’t even know what I was thinking in imagining I could go to this dinner on my own with the boys.

I locked the front door.

Be still, and know that I am God.

Lord, please, please… what are you trying to tell me? I DO know You are God. You know I can’t be still right now. I don’t understand.

My Jesus is so loving. You know I’m God? Do you really know I’m God? If you know I’m God, you know I’m capable of handling all of this. You know this moment would be better if you placed it in my hands. You know I will fill you with My perfect strength in this moment of weakness. Quiet your heart before Me. Be still, and know that I am God.

I was stopped at a red light. I closed my eyes. This wasn’t a mere suggestion. It was a command.

Be still. Know I am God.

The boys were still crying. I told myself to never again try to pack so much in one long day.

I don’t feel it, Lord. I don’t feel quiet or still. But I do want to truly know you are God. Please let me see You in this moment, Jesus.

Are you weary tonight? I am. Are you frazzled or is your heart troubled? To say that there is ever time for real stillness in the life of a woman is nearly laughable.

And yet, He whispers…

Be still.

Know that I am God.

Until we’re still… until our hearts are quieted before Him… until we stop waiting for things to slow down before really looking into His face… until we obey His command to be still, even when there is no stillness in sight, we can never expect to fully know He is God.

Be still.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

More posts from ylcf.org:

1. “I don’t know why they say grown men don’t cry…”
2. Blessed Insignificance
3. From our dear Ashleigh!

(click here to read part one)

She is not afraid of the snow for her household; for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh for herself carpets of tapestry; her clothing is fine linen and purple.

Sounds like a pretty classy lady to me. I’m certain that it pleases God when I put out the effort to show that knowing Him makes His daughters more beautiful. I’m certain it blesses others when my dress is neither too dull nor too bold, but refreshing, sunshiny, and restful to the eye.

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

Staying in the background and helping to make my boss look good is pretty easy, but consistently honoring him in my attitude is something that only comes from Jesus.

She maketh linen garments and selleth them, and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

This lady is a real entrepreneur…something I’ve never dreamed of being. I wonder what God will teach me about this one?

Strength and dignity are her clothing; and she laugheth at the time to come.

Ah yes. I can stand tall because I’m His.

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and the law of kindness is on her tongue.

I think the Holy Spirit wants to remind me that as a woman, I’ve got influence I can use for good, if I’ll work with Him on it. And there’s no need to use sarcasm to defend myself from teasing. If I stick to gentleness, He’ll look out for me.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

This is becoming a joy to do, but it takes a choice. As a naturally dreamy person, I could tune out needs and resent the interruptions of everyday life…or I can enjoy keeping a beautiful, well-stocked apartment.

Her children rise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her, saying: Many daughters have done worthily, but thou excellest them all. Grace is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

Did you know that this is a promise? If you fear Him, you’ll be praised. Period. I’ve discovered (to my surprise) that you don’t need a husband and children to receive appreciation and love and recognition for the things that Jesus is doing in you. He knows how to get the message through to you, and sometimes He’ll use the most unexpected people.

Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her works praise her in the gates.

And even if no person notices what you do, for every secret sacrifice, every obedient action, and every beautiful attitude, oh how real is His approval and love!

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

More posts from ylcf.org:

1. A Spinster Looks at Proverbs 31 (Part One of Two)
2. Embracing Femininity
3. He is Risen!

It was lunch break, and I was sitting down for a quick “Bible snack” when my eyes fell on Proverbs 31:26: “The law of kindness is on her tongue.” Though I’ve read it a thousand times, this time it went right to the quick. Uh-oh. You mean, kindness to the classmate who is doing his utmost to replace the pesty older brother I never had?

I’ve heard this passage applied to married women; I’ve even heard it applied to single women in general, but now I began rereading it with a whole new sense that it was written for me.

(Feel free to listen in: you just might come up with an application to your own life!)

A worthy woman who can find? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband trusteth in her, and he shall have no lack of gain.

Hmmm, no husband, but I do have a boss. Can he trust me to be follow all the rules of my workplace, even though no one is watching me?

She doeth him good and not evil all the days of her life.

There are no days off from honesty.

She seeketh wool and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

I’m seeking out research material, not wool and flax, but am I working with it willingly? Or am I trying to get done studying Pliny as fast as possible so I can move on to more appealing topics?

She is like the merchant-ships; she bringeth her bread from afar.

…and sometimes in a backpack. I used to hate shopping, but God is helping me to turn it into an adventure.

She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth food to her household, and their task to her maidens.

Probably this means making sure the house is ready for guests in a timely manner. Bathrooms clean? Coffee pot on? Cookies served? Or am I rushing around at the last minute?

She considereth a field, and buyeth it; with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

I wonder what this means in my case. Certainly that I ought to be investing in the future, with whatever talents God has given me – and not merely getting caught up in the demands of today.

She girdeth her loins with strength, And maketh strong her arms.

She sounds pretty “in shape” to me! Fortunately, though I am by no means a sports-player, I do love to walk – and have plenty of places to walk to. I think it keeps me happier and more balanced spiritually and emotionally.

She perceiveth that her merchandise is profitable: Her lamp goeth not out by night.

This does not mean staying up all night, much as I’d be tempted to interpret it that way! I’ve heard that in Bible times, a nightlight was kept burning in the house. However, if someone forgot to fill it before they went to bed – out it would go. Much as I’d love to burn the midnight oil, I find that I can’t give my best work to God or my employer if I don’t get enough sleep.

She layeth her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.

No sewing is going on in this house, but certainly I can be reminded to make use of the small moments in the day, rather than frittering them away on things that neither refresh me nor fulfill the goals God has given me. Uh-oh. I’m sure some of my internet use falls in that category.

She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

A good reminder to give the commodity most precious to me: time. If I get lonely, don’t some of the friends I’ve been neglecting feel the same way? This reminds me of a lovely promise that comes from the marginal reading of Isaiah 58:10: “Give to the hungry what your soul desires…” As a single girl, what do you desire most? Kindness? Love? A simple acknowledgment that someone knows you exist? If you give that out, “…then shall your light rise in darkness, and your obscurity be as the noonday; and the LORD will guide you continually, and satisfy your soul in dry places, and make strong your bones; and you shall be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not.”

…to be continued

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

But for the month of August, we thought we’d make it easy for you: we’re hosting a very special Month of Classics! Look for re-postings of some of the best of the best, the pieces that have helped to lay the foundations of what the YLCF is all about.

We hope that you will enjoy this peek into the past and that we’ll all be challenged by some of the definitive posts from days gone by.

Check back tomorrow for the first installment in A Month of Classics!

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

More posts from ylcf.org:

1. The Stars of YLCF
2. Seasons’ Perspectives

The thing is, none of us have all the answers, all the experience. None of us are perfect, or ever were perfect in every way. We can’t form our own “perfect” marriage off of the experience, advice and example of others alone.  It takes our own experience to make the principles we can glean a reality. Marriage is beautiful, but it takes effort, work, to make sure that the foundation we’ve built on stays as solid and firm with every block we build. It isn’t always easy when life changes to keep the sparks alive, and it is then that we find it is our own commitment to True Love, and most of all to the Author of Love, that keeps our marriage beautiful.

I’m thankful for others who are living godly  principles of marriage and parenting in their lives, and I learn much from them, and admire these good things in their lives, but I cannot stop with their example and go no farther. I can’t be content to walk in the steps of even the girls whose lives I’ve admired for years, whose marriages still inspire me with how truly beautiful it can be, and whose experience as mommy I store away for “someday” when perhaps, I too, will be so blessed, because even though I treasure the advice and example of these amazing women that I’ve been blessed to know and observe, I know that they aren’t my perfect example- and I am not living their life, but my own.

It’s too easy for us as humans- and perhaps especially as girls- to look around for a person who in our minds models the life that we think that want to have. The problem with this is that our minds are all too easily convinced that our rosy, limited view of their life is all there is to it. They just seem to naturally have all things good and perfect in their lives, relationships, and goals. They seem to be accomplished, and meet their challenges with grace and courage. Their homes don’t ever get messy, and they always look neat and put together. They don’t loose their patience, and never struggle with contentment. Their life seems so perfect. If only we could be just like them.

Our lives contrast with discouraging differences with the lives of the girls we admire: because of our own mistakes and short-comings, the times we met less than ideal situations with impatience rather than a smile, the times we felt afraid, and the times we were less than perfect about making our house a home and managing our time wisely are all too fresh and obvious. Looking at these women who lead such perfect lives makes us wonder if we’ll ever get there.

What we may not know is that in each of these perfect lives there are equal amounts of struggles, some of which we might be surprised to find are identical to our own. We might not see the behind-the-scene efforts, the pain, care and  choices that go into their every day life. We might not know about the tears, prayers, questions and confusion that they deal with, too. We may not notice their mistakes, but they are there. These perfect women, in reality, are like us- seeking to be like Him, and striving to make that a reality. Behind the rosy tint we’ve cast, they are just as real as we are, if we only knew it.

Contrary to how it at times appears, no one has a perfect courtship, a flawless marriage, a perfect, dream life. We all make mistakes, we all have struggles, we all must rely on Him, because He alone is perfect in every single way.

For over 30 years, He lived a perfect life on this earth, and it is this life alone that you and I may follow with perfect safety. My courtship, my marriage, to some may seem a picture-perfect example, a fairy tale kind of life. Yet my life, my marriage can reflect Christ only so far as I follow Him.

The truth is, we’re all on this journey heavenward together, and we can learn from each other. We can grow, and help each other to reach that perfect goal that we’re striving for- a daughterhood, a courtship, a marriage, a family, a life that is honoring to God in every way and that is filled with that real happiness that nothing in this world can take away from us. We learn and we grow- together, and with God.

We aren’t perfect here at YLCF, in our homes or anywhere else, but we’re striving. We’ve all tasted of the beauty and happiness and pure joy of seeking to follow God’s way, and we won’t settle for anything less than that perfect best that He’s promised for every single person in this world who truly wants it. We all can let God do what He wants to do and give us the gift of True Love, Contentment and Perfect Happiness.

Marriage takes work just like any other thing in life. It takes investment. Most importantly, it takes putting and keeping God first, in the center of our home, and each one of our hearts. These are the things that Scott and I must choose to build on every single day, and this is the spring of our happiness, which only gets sweeter with time.

It doesn’t mean that we have it all down. Far from it! I know that I, for one, am not the person I long to be. By His grace, I’m not the person I use to be, either, but I still have rough spots, I still have fears, I still don’t keep a perfectly ordered home, and sometimes I cry over silly things. But every day, I realize again how blessed I am to be living the life that He is giving me, not someone else’s life, not even the life I always dreamed I’d be living, but a life that is perfect for me. I think that each one of the YLCF team would tell you a similar story.

God has given us great happiness in many different ways. You don’t have to be courting to be happy. You don’t have to be married to really experience true joy. It doesn’t take having children to find fulfillment in life. It just takes honestly and humbly seeking His will in what we do each day. Happiness isn’t a destination, it’s a choice we make every day.

We’re all in different seasons, each one of us- but in each season, it is up to each one of us to make the most of the opportunities at hand, and to do our best in whatever He has given us to do right now. Perhaps in our not-so-perfect season of life, we’ll find that God has been preparing us for something more perfectly wonderful than we could have ever imagined.

You may not be where I am right now, and your life will most certainly look a lot different than mine does or any one else’s on the YLCF team, but it is our hope that somehow the record we choose to leave behind will encourage you to keep striving, not to be like us, but like Him, who alone is perfect.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

More posts from ylcf.org:

1. Happiness At Home
2. In Your Perfect Time
3. Reality and Valentine’s Day

Absence – that common cure of love.
-Lord Byron

From Anna:

I am currently in a long distance relationship, with the intent to get married after college. We are not currently engaged. We are about 4 hours apart, and we have withstood this first year of waiting. There will be three more, possibly four more. It has been an ordeal sometimes, since sometimes all a person really wants is to just be with the other person. We do not use an IM or video chat program much of the time (we found it often leads to being too intimate emotionally before our time); we use email instead.

The best thing about it is we are not being confounded by the physical. Another good thing has been that we have given each other something to rely on–an email every day–to prove our trustworthiness. We have a record for our future. We are also allowed to grow independently.

The worst thing is that sometimes the idea of waiting for three or four more years sends me into a downward spiral (I sometimes struggle with depression). But this has also taught me to remember God’s goodness.

From Lois Eagles:

The biggest thing I learned while apart was to talk and share my heart.  When you’re busy doing things together, talking about the deep things often gets pushed away.  But the only thing we had was communication and that was the only thing we had to make our relationship grow.  I had to learn to bare my heart to him, no matter how awkward it was at first (being a very quiet, reserved girl).

We would talk about our day, what we were struggling with, and the things we were learning.  We read books together (Love & Respect), prayed together, discussed the Bible—I even studied aloud for my Bible school exams with him (he was able to learn, too)!  When we were stalled in our communication, we went through a book of conversation starters.  [Another great one is 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged.]

Our communication was 90% by phone, since my man’s not much of a writer (though I wrote him tons of letters!) and usually did not have internet access.  In order to get to know the sides of him I didn’t see, I paid a lot of attention to what others who were around him said—his sisters, parents, the family he lived and worked with for 6 months, his Bible school teachers, etc.  In addition to this, I tried to be very honest with him about myself—my reactions, faults, and struggles.  I did not want to hide myself from him.

Still, it was a big adjustment on our honeymoon to get used to the other person and their little quirks, etc.  Daily life was something we had never experienced and though we knew certain things would be issues, the reality of them was another story!

The second thing I learned was to never take him for granted.  Even now that we are married, remembering those days of separation makes me so much more thankful for him on a daily basis, and helps me see past the messy trail he leaves behind him some days.  I am thankful for the privilege of being together and having a mess to clean up, because it means he is here!!!  We were in a long-distance relationship for just over two years, separated by 1000 or 3000 miles most of the time.  There were 2 wonderful months when he was only a 3 hour drive away, and oh, did we make use of those weekends!

Hang in there!  This time of pain now is building a solid foundation for marriage, and it won’t last forever—even though it feels like it may!  It is agony being separated from the one you love.  But the positives definitely outweighed the negatives and I would do it a million times over!  Long-distance relationships are hard and they take a lot of work, but they are so worth it!

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

More posts from ylcf.org:

1. Absence Makes the Heart Grow: Through Communication
2. The Beauty of Separation
3. Absence Makes the Heart Grow: 15-year Perspective