Yogesh Goel

Food Shoortage in the world

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 12:38:00 +0000

A Worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure.

In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant.
In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant.
In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant.
In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant.
In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant.
And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.

True indeed. Guess this message says it all about the world.

Panwala below Rahul's building

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 10:19:00 +0000

My friends & myself love having after food pan from this shop which is neately situated below the building in which Rahul lives. He really knows how to make good pans. Quite professionally he makes & we simply love chewing them. Do not forget to have a hand on the pans in case you happen to visit Liluah. You can buzz me anytime to accompany you. Lols.

Real Friend & Fake Friend

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 07:49:00 +0000

Diff b/w Real n Fake Frnds.

FF:Nvr ask 4 fud.
RF:wait 4 u 2 opn d lunch box n jst grab it frm u.

FF:calls ur nme swtly.
RF:calls u alwys wd stupid silly names.

FF:"nvr seen u cry".
RF:cry wid u.

FF:Borrow ur stuff 4 a few days dn gv it bk.
RF:kp ur thngs so long dat dy 4get its urs.

FF:knw a few thngs abt u.
RF:cud writ a buk abt u wid dirct quots 4m u.

FF:wud ignor dis msg.
RF:wil snd dis 2 al real 1s Lyk u.

Why I love you?

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 07:43:00 +0000

Got this sms today from a friend of mine. Was feeling pretty good also after reading it. Tough i wonder if it makes sense. But i guess its an honest attempt. I enjoyed. Hope u too.

-----------

My Luv letter 4 a girl whom i luvd d most.

Hi dear,
Can u give answers of my ques..??

1)evry girl laughs a lot.
Den y ur smile alwyz touches my heart?

2)i m a gud athelet, but y i maintain my speed according 2 ur walk??

3)i m known as chocolate boy frm my School dayz den y i bcame so frightened 2 give u chocolates??

4)Dis is d modern era den y i lyk u wearing Chudidars??

5)In d morning, wen i get up frm my bed y u came wrapped in Saree saying me "get up sweetheart"

Why i luv u..??

Mohit has become Chachu

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 05:11:00 +0000

This is my first post via my Nokia e72 with Airtel GPRS enabled. And wat else can be better than putting up the pic of a new born child.

Here is the photo of Nirav Mittal, Bhateeja of Mohit Bhai. I clicked it when his dadi was giving a good warm oily massage. I really liked it. Its pretty cute.

Definitely, maybe!! - Things about a true Guy in love

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 11:32:00 +0000

Its true:

Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep they always think about the girl they truly care about.

Guys are more emotional then you think if they loved you at one point it takes them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they arent with you

Guys go crazy over a girl's smile ( :

A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to

Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what uh...never mind....." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking and he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out

If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. you don't need to give advice

A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

GUYS LOVE YOU MORE THEN YOU LOVE THEM!

Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole heck of a lot.

If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with you

When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something

A guy would give the world to be able to read a girl's mind for a day

No guy can handle all his problems on his own He's just too stubborn to admit it

NOT ALL GUYS ARE RUDE! Just because ONE is RUDE doesn't mean he represents ALL of them

WHEN A GUY SACRIFICES HIS SLEEP AND HEALTH JUST TO TALK TO YOU, HE REALLY LIKES YOU AND WANTS TO BE WITH YOU AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE

Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life

SACHIN TENDULKAR'S APPRAISAL in the style of management

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 05:43:00 +0000

SACHIN TENDULKAR'S TPM after scoring 200 runs...

200 Runs/ 147Balls/ 25X4 / 3X6

Agree you have done GREAT…… BUT BUT BUT BUT

25 x 4s = 100
3 x 6s = 18

It implies that you have made 118 Runs in 28 Balls.

And 12 x 2s = 24
58 x 1s = 58

It means you have made all 200 Runs in only 98 balls

So you have wasted 147-98 = 49 balls

Considering only 1 run scored on each of these balls, you could have earned 49 valuable RUNS FOR OUR TEAM

MANAGER’S COMMENT: So you only met the expectations and did NOT EXCEED them (though anyone of our team could not do it). So your RATING is 3. (out of 5)

Training for him: Learn how to STEAL singles in every ball.

Holi 2010 sms messages - Latest

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 06:20:00 +0000

Radha ka rang aur kanhaiya ki pichkari,pyar ke rang se rang do duniya sari,ye Rang na jane koi jaat Na koi Boli,MUBARAK ho apko aane wali holi....

Aaj mubarak Kal mubarak,Holi ka har pal mubarak.Rang birangi holi me,mera b ek rang mubarak.wishing u very colourful HAPPY HOLI

Red aapke galon k liye,
Black aapke balon k liye,
blue aapki aankhon k liye,
yellow aapke hathon k liye,
Green aapke jivan k liye,
White aapke man k liye,
Pink aapki umeed k liye.
Bas isi tarah HOLI k 7 colours ki tarah apki zindagi 7 rango se sanjoyi rahe.
Wishing u & ur family a very- very HaPpY & colrful HOLI..

Samosay
Δ Δ Δ Δ Δ

COFFEl"'"'l l___!?

Jlebi
@@@@

Pkode
ΦΦΦΦ

Ye lo! Aaj meri tarf se 1 din pahle
Holi KI "PARTY"..!
HAPPY HOLI.

Radha ke Rang aur Kanha ki Pichkari, Pyar ke Rang se Rang do Duniya saari, ye Rang na Jane koi Jaat na koi Boli, MUBARAK ho Apko rang bhari "HOli."

Rang ki khushbu pichkari k bauchar. HOLI Ka tyohar aane ko taiyar. Thori si masti, thora sa pyar, mubarak ho apko holi ka ye tyohar. Wish u HAPPY HOLI

hapy holi hapy holi hapy holi hapy holi hapy holi-holi holi holi holi holi thaaaaa=happy da scuter khambe ch vjya,mein ta pehle hi keya c hapy holi chala.

Pichkari ki Dhar, Gulal ki bauchar, Apno ka pyar, Yahi hai yaaron holi ka tyohar. Happy Holi!

Sher kbhi chupkr shikar nhi krte
bujdil kbhi khulkar waar nhi krte
or hum wo h jo
HAPPY HOLI kehne kliye holi ka intezar nhi krte. HAPPY HOLI TO 'U'

Happy Holi to u !!!

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 05:56:00 +0000

Wish you and your dear and near ones a very happy holi. May this occasion fill your life with colour in abundance.

Top 3 embarrassing moments.......

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 05:24:00 +0000

Third Place (a German Boy)

It was the day before my eighteenth birthday.
I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I
invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone.

As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing
downstairs.

I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride to the phone.
Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed.
When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a
whole crowd of people yelled "SURPRISE!".

My entire family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my friends
were standing there !

My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot in a state of shock and
embarrassment ! for what seemed like an eternity.

Since then, no-one in my family has planned a surprise party again.

*****

Second Place (a lady & her Daughter)

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my kid decided to release some
pent-up energy and started to run amuck.

I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and
annoyance from other patrons.

I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself right now, she would be
punished To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just
as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that
I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee(di*k) last night!".

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing !

I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow.

The last thing that I heard as the door closed behind me were the screams
of laughter.

*****

And the Winner Is.....

First place (The unwary Student)

This one actually happened at HarvardUniversity in October last year.
In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found
in semen.

A young female (freshman), raised her hand and asked, "If I understand
what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen, as in sugar?"

"That's correct." responded the professor, going on to add much statistical
data.

Raising her hand again, the sweet young thing asked, "Then why doesn't it
taste sweet?".

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl
turned bright red and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently
said (or rather implied)....

she picked up her books without a word and walked out of the class, and
never returned.

However, as she was going out of the door, the professor's reply was a
classic.

Totally straight-faced, he answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet
because the taste-buds ! for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and
not in the back of your throat! "

My Mother is an Ugly Woman

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:51:00 +0000

My sense of shame in being an Indian in front of foreigners has
somewhat changed over time.

When I was younger, I used to be very bothered whenever I saw people
begging, pestering a visitor at the traffic intersection and of
course, the sight of people defecating in full public view.

These sights do not put me to shame anymore.

I have come to terms with the underlying causes that make my
countrymen beg, bother foreigners near touristic places or live in
squalor next to heritage sites and five star hotels.

When people do not have a roof above their heads and everyday is a
matter of survival for the majority, what use is my shame?

I am deeply aware that every civilization must progress on its own
terms, in its own time. There are no short cuts to uplifting more than
half of a country with 1.2 billion people into a developed state. I
have done my own bit towards that cause, and I will continue to do
what I can, but in my lifetime it is very unlikely that there will be
no beggars on the street, or that people will stop relieving
themselves in public view, or that I will see the vanishing of squalor
that co-exists with the sometimes ugly opulence in our cities. So,
these days, when I am with a visitor from overseas, I am not ashamed
any longer with the sights, smells and sounds of India .

But last week, I held my head in shame - deep shame - and this
happened in a small University town in Germany .

I had been invited there to speak at a student gathering. Along with
my wife Susmita, I had arrived the day before, and we were touched by
the affection and hospitality of the students and the faculty. During
the dinner that night, we had told our student hosts Paul and Leo that
if ever they came to India , they must stay at our home so that we
could return some of their hospitality. Because our two daughters left
home a long time back, we live in Bangalore all by ourselves, and love
hosting young people from around the world.

That was the night before. The next day, when the student event
actually began, my talk was preceded by one from an Indian gentleman
based in Germany ; he runs the German operation of a family-owned
Indian conglomerate that is a household name in India . The gentleman
has been in Europe for a long time, and has evidently done well for
himself.

He started his presentation titled "The Indian Mind". It was a medley
of Internet jokes customized for India , a bunch of PowerPoint slides
that frequently spam all of us depicting the greatness of ancient
India , and a bunch of cartoons that depicted the so-called "the
Indian way". There was also a short movie that contrasted Germans and
Indians based on
cultural generalization. Finally, he delivered his own take on what
Indians are supposedly like.

The presentation opened with the macabre picture of a skull with a
dollar sign stuffed inside it.

The narrative to match this dramatic, if disturbing, image went
something like this:

An Indian went to see a banker in Manhattan . He wanted a $100 loan;
he was willing to pay any amount of interest, and offered his Porsche
as collateral.
After taking the loan from the flummoxed banker, he went off to India
on month long vacation. When he came back, he promptly returned the
$100 along with the interest of $20 and reclaimed his car. When the
banker asked him to explain this puzzling behavior, our man proudly
said, "Where else in Manhattan could I park my car for an entire month
for all of $20?"

WOW!

The two hundred or so young German students laughed at the joke.

Then came slide after slide on the glory that once was India :
Aryabhatta to Charaka, he depicted the story of zero to the fact once
upon a time, India had invented chess. He told the audience how we had
figured out gravity before Newton did, and the concept of
inter-Galactic travel before anyone else.

The audience sat in awe.

Then he switched over to a film clip that sought to contrast the past
with the present. His film clip showed Indian legislators break
chairs, throw footwear at each other, and not stopping there, break
their microphones to hurl missiles at each other until blood flowed
from the injured, and finally some law makers were seen taking cover
under their tables.

The German students were now bewildered and I started to feel
uncomfortable sitting in their midst. But then I told myself, maybe
the truth must be told and this is important knowledge about India
that the 200 future leaders must know. And why not? As I gulped down
my discomfort, more Internet jokes followed.

One was about corruption and inefficiency.

A man supposedly went to Hell only to find that there were regional
options available down there. There was this American Hell that
offered a hundred lashes. Next to it, he found the German Hell that
offered a choice between a electric chair and fifty lashes. The man
moved on to check out the Indian Hell and finally settled for it. Why?

In the Indian Hell, there were power-cuts so the electric chair did
not work and the person in charge of lashing sinners simply took his
salary and never came to work!

The students laughed some. That was indeed funny!

Then he went on to tell the next Internet joke.

Americans had invited international bids to build a fence around the
White House. An American and a German firm that submitted bids had
taken careful measurements and then they had quoted $700 and $1200
respectively for the work. Then there was the Indian firm that took no
measurements and simply quoted $2700. The bewildered decision-maker
called in the Indian bidder and asked him to explain. "How can you
quote such a high price when you have not even taken measurements?",
he asked. Our man replied with supreme confidence, "I do not need to
take measurements. I will pay you a thousand and take athousand and we
will sub-contract the work to the lowest bidder."

WOW!
Then our presenter showed a short film contrasting how Germans and
Indians thought of the idea of forming a queue - the Germans fell into
instant orderliness and formed a single file but Indians pushed
around, and broke the line as soon as one was formed. Then he showed a
German parking a car, and how an Indian does it, and a few other such
things including how Indian bureaucracy and politics differ from that
of the Germans.

Everyone in the audience was getting the message.

At this point, he returned from the movie to slides.

With dramatic flourish, he showed a picture of a bucket full of crabs.

"This picture was taken on an Indian beach while I was with a friend
from Germany . He was curious to know why the crabs were not escaping
the bucket. I said, `Let us call the fisherman and ask him´. The
fisherman listened to the question and told us, `These are Indian
crabs. When one tries to get out, the others simply pull him down´. "

Oh well, never mind if you have heard a dozen variations of the same joke.

Now the attention of the students was beginning to wane a little bit.
So, he came to the end of his presentation on India .

He had a slide that said Indians liked to receive (and, thankfully,
also give) presents. And then he went on to hold aloft his magnum
opus, a slide that prophetically read:

"Indians do not mean what they say and do not say what they mean"

It required a story to explain.

So, he narrated how a group of Germans were once called home for
dinner by an Indian. The Germans being Germans took the invitation
seriously and actually showed up only to find an unprepared host who
opened the door in his pajamas. The message was clear. Do not take
Indians at face value.

My mind turned to the dinnertime conversation the previous night, and
I wondered what Paul and Leo were now thinking about our invitation to
come stay with us when they visited Bangalore ! Finally, the man
gloriously wound up, saying that despite all this, India was one of
the fastest growing economies in which if anyone chose to put in his
money, it was bound to fetch a great return.

The audience clapped and then everyone took a fifteen minute break.
¤
I headed to the toilet.

There was a long queue.

Suddenly a young German student in the queue, unaware that I was
behind him, did a mock drill of breaking the line to form what he
called an "Indian Queue".

I was the only Indian there, and I had only my countryman to thank for
the ignominy.
¤
I had to wait until that afternoon for my talk, and when done with
that, we returned to our hotel.

The next day, one of the student organizers came over to drive us to
Frankfurt in a rental car so that we could leave for the US from
there.While driving on the Autobahn, unfortunately, the car drove over
some object and its two left wheels burst. We pulled over, and, after
counting our blessings for what did not happen, called for help. After
probably an hour, another student organizer reached us and we switched
over to his car. The first student had to stay with the damaged car,
waiting for a tow-truck to arrive.

Soon we were on our way.

The entire episode had shaken everybody, but thank God, no one was
hurt. Nonetheless, many plans had gone haywire. We were all past our
lunch time by the time the second car had arrived. So when we finally
reached our hotel in Frankfurt , we invited our young friend to join
us for lunch since he too had missed his, and was to now drive all the
way back to his University town. When Susmita asked him to park his
car and come into the hotel to have lunch with us, he responded
spontaneously, and without any malice, "The German way
or the Indian?"

We tried to laugh off the repartee, but deep inside I felt hurt where
once upon a time, I used to feel shame.

Poor Susmita started convincing him that we really wanted him to have
lunch before he drove back, and of course, he joined us, but I wonder
how on earth we were to change the newfound knowledge on India that
was now deeply imprinted in 199 other young minds because an Indian in
a position of authority had so convincingly delivered the message that
we do not mean what we say and don´t say what we mean.

I can deal with my poor, uneducated, disheveled countrymen back home,
begging at traffic intersections, troubling foreigners, living in
squalor and defecating in public view, and behaving in a thousand
other unacceptable ways. But I have difficulty when the educated, the
well-to-do, the ones who have everything going for them, mentally
defecate, trying to impress the world at the cost of their own
country.

After lunch, when the young man was finally on his way and Koblenz was
behind us, I thought of the idea of motherland.

The word "Motherland" evoked the image of my mother. In that moment I
wondered if there is anyone in the whole world who thinks that his
mother is not beautiful.

Worse, is there anyone who actually tells the world that his mother is
an ugly woman?

Have breakfast or Be Breakfast

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:50:00 +0000

A Must read…. Too good…

[Management Views from IIMB is an exclusive column written every two weeks for india.wsj.com by faculty members of the Indian Institute of Management Bangalore.]

Who sells the largest number of cameras in India?

Your guess is likely to be Sony, Canon or Nikon. Answer is none of the
above. The winner is Nokia whose main line of business in India is not
cameras but cell phones.

Reason being cameras bundled with cellphones are outselling stand
alone cameras. Now, what prevents the cellphone from replacing the
camera outright? Nothing at all. One can only hope the Sonys and
Canons are taking note.

Try this. Who is the biggest in music business in India? You think it
is HMV Sa-Re-Ga-Ma? Sorry. The answer is Airtel. By selling caller
tunes (that play for 30 seconds) Airtel makes more than what music
companies make by selling music albums (that run for hours).

Incidentally Airtel is not in music business. It is the mobile service
provider with the largest subscriber base in India. That sort of
competitor is difficult to detect, even more difficult to beat (by the
time you have identified him he has already gone past you). But if you
imagine that Nokia and Bharti (Airtel's parent) are breathing easy you
can't be farther from truth.

Nokia confessed that they all but missed the smartphone bus. They
admit that Apple's Iphone and Google's Android can make life difficult
in future. But you never thought Google was a mobile company, did you?
If these illustrations mean anything, there is a bigger game
unfolding. It is not so much about mobile or music or camera or
emails?

The "Mahabharat" (the great Indian epic battle) is about "what is
tomorrow's personal digital device"? Will it be a souped up mobile or
a palmtop with a telephone? All these are little wars that add up to
that big battle. Hiding behind all these wars is a gem of a question –
"who is my competitor?"

Once in a while, to intrigue my students I toss a question at them. It
says "What Apple did to Sony, Sony did to Kodak, explain?" The smart
ones get the answer almost immediately. Sony defined its market as
audio (music from the walkman). They never expected an IT company like
Apple to encroach into their audio domain. Come to think of it, is it
really surprising? Apple as a computer maker has both audio and video
capabilities. So what made Sony think he won't compete on pure audio?
"Elementary Watson". So also Kodak defined its business as film
cameras, Sony defines its businesses as "digital."

In digital camera the two markets perfectly meshed. Kodak was torn
between going digital and sacrificing money on camera film or staying
with films and getting left behind in digital technology. Left
undecided it lost in both. It had to. It did not ask the question "who
is my competitor for tomorrow?" The same was true for IBM whose
mainframe revenue prevented it from seeing the PC. The same was true
of Bill Gates who declared "internet is a fad!" and then turned around
to bundle the browser with windows to bury Netscape. The point is not
who is today's competitor. Today's competitor is obvious. Tomorrow's
is not.

In 2008, who was the toughest competitor to British Airways in India?
Singapore airlines? Better still, Indian airlines? Maybe, but there
are better answers. There are competitors that can hurt all these
airlines and others not mentioned. The answer is videoconferencing and
telepresence services of HP and Cisco. Travel dropped due to
recession. Senior IT executives in India and abroad were compelled by
their head quarters to use videoconferencing to shrink travel budget.
So much so, that the mad scramble for American visas from Indian
techies was nowhere in sight in 2008. (India has a quota of something
like 65,000 visas to the U.S. They were going a-begging. Blame it on
recession!). So far so good. But to think that the airlines will be
back in business post recession is something I would not bet on. In
short term yes. In long term a resounding no. Remember, if there is
one place where Newton's law of gravity is applicable besides physics
it is in electronic hardware. Between 1977 and 1991 the prices of the
now dead VCR (parent of Blue-Ray disc player) crashed to one-third of
its original level in India. PC's price dropped from hundreds of
thousands of rupees to tens of thousands. If this trend repeats then
telepresence prices will also crash. Imagine the fate of airlines
then. As it is not many are making money. Then it will surely be RIP!

India has two passions. Films and cricket. The two markets were
distinctly different. So were the icons. The cricket gods were Sachin
and Sehwag. The filmi gods were the Khans (Aamir Khan, Shah Rukh Khan
and the other Khans who followed suit). That was, when cricket was
fundamentally test cricket or at best 50 over cricket. Then came IPL
and the two markets collapsed into one. IPL brought cricket down to 20
overs. Suddenly an IPL match was reduced to the length of a 3 hour
movie. Cricket became film's competitor. On the eve of IPL matches
movie halls ran empty. Desperate multiplex owners requisitioned the
rights for screening IPL matches at movie halls to hang on to the
audience. If IPL were to become the mainstay of cricket, as it is
likely to be, films have to sequence their releases so as not clash
with IPL matches. As far as the audience is concerned both are what in
India are called 3 hour "tamasha" (entertainment). Cricket season
might push films out of the market.

Look at the products that vanished from India in the last 20 years.
When did you last see a black and white movie? When did you last use a
fountain pen? When did you last type on a typewriter? The answer for
all the above is "I don't remember!" For some time there was a mild
substitute for the typewriter called electronic typewriter that had
limited memory. Then came the computer and mowed them all. Today most
technologically challenged guys like me use the computer as an
upgraded typewriter. Typewriters per se are nowhere to be seen.

One last illustration. 20 years back what were Indians using to wake
them up in the morning? The answer is "alarm clock." The alarm clock
was a monster made of mechanical springs. It had to be physically
keyed every day to keep it running. It made so much noise by way of
alarm, that it woke you up and the rest of the colony. Then came
quartz clocks which were sleeker. They were much more gentle though
still quaintly called "alarms." What do we use today for waking up in
the morning? Cellphone! An entire industry of clocks disappeared
without warning thanks to cell phones. Big watch companies like Titan
were the losers. You never know in which bush your competitor is
hiding!

On a lighter vein, who are the competitors for authors? Joke spewing
machines? (Steve Wozniak, the co-founder of Apple, himself a Pole,
tagged a Polish joke telling machine to a telephone much to the mirth
of Silicon Valley). Or will the competition be story telling robots?
Future is scary! The boss of an IT company once said something
interesting about the animal called competition. He said "Have
breakfast …or…. be breakfast"! That sums it up rather neatly.

Things you do not know about Charlie Chaplin

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 14:23:00 +0000

,
Entertainer Charlie Chaplin was probably the most well-known actor of the early 20th century. After adopting his trademark Little Tramp costume, consisting of baggy pants, bamboo cane, bowler hat, and over-sized shoes, Chaplin became a Hollywood icon. He was the most popular draw in the early days of silent film and, even to this day, when a list of early movie comedians is given, Chaplin is often the first name mentioned.

He was the first actor to appear on Time magazine.
Chaplin appeared on the July 6, 1925 issue of Time magazine, a U.S.-based news magazine. He was the first actor ever to appear on the magazine known for its influential cover photo.

He won only one non-honorary Oscar, and it was 21 years “late”.

Chaplin won an honorary Academy Award (“Oscar”) in 1929, during the first presentation of awards. Originally nominated in a couple of categories, his name was withdrawn and he was presented instead with a special award. He also received an honorary award in 1972. The next year, however, he won a Best Music Oscar for Limelight, a film he had made 21 years earlier, yet had not been shown in Los Angeles until 1972, thus enabling his nomination and subsequent award.

He purposely avoided dialogue in two “talkies”.

Chaplin wrote, produced, and acted in two movies in the 1930s, well after conversations were prevalent in the “talkies” (motion pictures in which sound was added). Surprisingly, the actors did not talk in these two movies, relying instead on the musical score to set the tone for the movies, and the few spoken words coming from objects such as a radio

He had a fondness for young wives.

Chaplin was married for 4 times. He was 29 and his first wife was 16 when they married. His second marriage was to 16-year-old Lita Grey, when he was 35. His third and possibly fictional marriage to Paulette Goddard, was rumored to have occurred when he was 47 and she was 28. He married his last wife, Oona O’Neill, daughter of playwright Eugene O’Neill, occurred when Oona had just turned 18. Chaplin was 54.

He was ordered to pay child support for a child that was not his own.

In the 1940s, Charlie had a brief relationship with actress Joan Barry. Several months after their breakup, she claimed that Chaplin was the father of the child to which she had just given birth. When blood tests proved that Chaplin was not the father of the child, Barry’s attorney moved to have the tests ruled inadmissible as evidence. Because there was little historical precedent to admit the test results into the trial, the judge did not allow them to be used as evidence of Chaplin’s non-paternity. After a mistrial and a retrial, Chaplin was ordered to pay Barry $75 per week for child support, a respectable amount in those days

His corpse was stolen.

Three months after Chaplin died on Christmas, 1977, his body was stolen in an effort to extort money from his family. Chaplin’s body was recovered 11 weeks later after the grave-robbers were captured. He is now buried under 6 feet of concrete to prevent further theft attempts.

He has an asteroid named after him.

Four years after his death, Ukrainian astronomer, Lyudmila Karachkina, named an asteroid after him. Ms. Karachkina, discoverer of 131 asteroids, named one of them 3623 Chaplin. It resides in the asteroid “belt” between Mars and Jupiter and appears as a magnitude 12.1 object, making it visible in a moderately strong telescope.

His daughter portrayed his mother in the movie Chaplin.

The accomplished actress, Geraldine Chaplin, is Charlie’s daughter with his last wife Oona. In the 1992 Hollywood movie adaptation of Charlie Chaplin’s life, Chaplin, she portrayed Hannah Chaplin, Charlie’s mother

Love Has No Reason

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 14:18:00 +0000

Lady: Why do you like me..? Why do you love me?

Man : I can't tell the reason. But I really like you...

Lady : You can't even tell me the reason... how can you say you like me? How can you say you love me?

Man : I really don't know the reason, but I can prove that I love you.

Lady : Proof? No! I want you to tell me the reason. My friend's boyfriend can tell her why he loves her but not you!

Man : Ok..ok!!! Erm... because you are beautiful,

because your voice is sweet,

because you are caring,

because you are loving,

because you are thoughtful,

because of your smile,

because of your every movements.

The lady felt very satisfied with the man's answer.

********

Unfortunately, a few days later, the Lady met with an accident and went into the coma stage.

The Guy then placed a letter by her side, and here is the content:

Darling,

Because of your sweet voice that I love you...Now can you talk? No! Therefore I cannot love you.

Because of your care and concern that I like you...Now that you cannot show them, therefore I cannot love you.

Because of your smile, because of your every movement that I love you...Now can you smile? Now can you move?

No, therefore, I cannot love you.

If love needs a reason, like now, there is no reason for me to love you anymore.

Does love need a reason? NO!

Therefore, I still love you...And love doesn't need a reason

With love always,

Forever yours.

A Garden Of Friendship

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 14:17:00 +0000

A Garden Of Friendship

For the garden of your daily living plant three rows of peas:

1. Peace of mind
2. Peace of heart
3. Peace of soul

Plant four rows of squash:

1. Squash gossip
2. Squash indifference
3. Squash grumbling
4. Squash selfishness

Plant four rows of lettuce:

1. Lettuce be faithful
2. Lettuce be kind
3. Lettuce be patient
4. Lettuce really love one another

No garden is without turnips:

1. Turnip for meetings
2. Turnip for service
3. Turnip to help one another

To conclude our garden we must have thyme:

1. Thyme for each other
2. Thyme for family
3. Thyme for friends

Water freely with patience and cultivate with love.
There is much fruit in your garden because your reap what you sow.

Little Johny Joke

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 14:15:00 +0000

Little Johnny was playing in his room when his dad walked in and explained that he and his mom were getting a divorce.

"Why Daddy?" asked a confused Little Johnny.
"Well, son" he explained, "Your mother and I are no longer in love."

Now more confused, Little Johnny asked, "What does being in love mean?"

"Let me give you an example, son. Love is when a husband rushes home from a long day at work to embrace and kiss his wife at the door. Your mom and I have lost that love."

"But Daddy, I see Mommy getting excited lots of times right when you come home, so she must still be in love with you."

"I don't understand, son. When has your mother recently been excited when I arrive home from work?"

"Well, sometimes when Mommy is still sleeping in bed with the neighbour, and you pull into the driveway, she shouts at the top of her lungs, 'My husband's home! My husband's home!"

*****

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'

Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

Johnny said 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'

The teacher fainted..

*****

One More

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

*****

Lateral Thinking

Little Johny is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.

"Yeah teach?" he replies.

"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.

Johny answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."

"No, Johny, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.

"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is ****ing on it. Which one is married?"

The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Johny, I guess the one that's ****ing on the ice cream."

Johny replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"

Motivation - Inspiration

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 06:44:00 +0000

Republic Day 2010 - India

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 03:12:00 +0000

Stupid vs Smart

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 03:12:00 +0000

Art

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 03:08:00 +0000

Picture Perfect

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 03:07:00 +0000

Inspiration

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 03:07:00 +0000

Glorious India

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 03:05:00 +0000

Incredible Body Art

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 15:46:00 +0000

AntiSmoke Pack

yogeshgoel@gmail.com (Yogesh) — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 15:44:00 +0000

I liked it. Really a good concept. Hope now people stop smoking.