It ran out of space.

I headed straight to ATTs website and for the first time, I took advantage of my upgrade features. I got the iPhone3gs 32GB (white of course). It arrived in the mail yesterday, sparkly and brand new. Right away I powered it to full and sync’d my whole music library. To my gleeful surprise I still had room! This is not something I’ve ever ran into before. So I started syncing some of my TV shows I haven’t watched yet. I’m a big fan of Fringe & The Office. After that sync got done I was again surprised to see I still had tons of room.

It’s not like my music collection is tiny by any means but over the years I’ve weeded out the music I don’t listen to anymore. I decided not to push my luck and happily left all that empty space, proud that my usual instinct to fill a drive to the fullest was at peace.

Next I started loading my iPhone apps. One of my favorite apps right now is “Red Laser.” It reads bar codes and suggests places you can get that product the cheapest or it will tell you the nutritional value of a food product like it did for a loaf of wheat bread Mom got from Safeway.

With the iPhone3gs the camera on it is so clear and it has the focus capability. All those barcodes my iPhone3g wouldn’t read the iPhone3gs picks up in seconds. I think I’ve managed to scan every barcode I could find upstairs in Mom’s house.

The good news is my Uncle Don is going to buy my old iPhone3g since my Aunt Donna just got one under one condition. I have to give them a rash course on the basics as well as the fun stuff like apps, picture messaging, and text messaging. I’m looking forward to that. I get so excited about gadgets I want to tell everyone about them.

One more thing the iPhone3gs has is something I’ve been wanting since 2005 when I left Colorado for Florida. A compass. Ironic I have one now when I have no idea which direction is up and/or down and what my future will bring. I think it’s perfect timing I got it now.

Good Timing ….

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I wanted my marriage to last forever. Doesn’t everyone when they wisk off to their honeymoon? Time changes people, left over baggage changes people. So instead of staying in an unhappy marriage, I got out. I did that to give myself a chance at happiness yet I’m the most depressed I’ve ever been. Maybe until now, until I really thought this through, I did everything possible. I shouldn’t be beating myself up, but patting myself on the back because I wasn’t a perfect wife, but I was a damn good wife.

Everything has to do with attitude. Mine needs a huge overhaul. It would not only help my fibro, but my outlook on life, my future life. I don’t know what it will be like, but focusing on the darkness that may become doesn’t do me any good but will only lead to a self fulfilling prophecy in which my future WILL become that darkness. If I focus on the good things, my writing, my willingness to get better then my future looks a lot brighter than I ever thought it might be.

Only way I know this is I have good friends who have been there every step of the way, like Camille, like Tiffany, and especially my Mother who I know beyond any doubt, loves me unconditionally.

I don’t have to focus on the fact that I’m part of the 50% that failed, but I’m part of the 50% that might have made the right decision so that I can leave room for happiness and joy.

I have a doctors name on a piece of paper sitting here in front of me that has helped so many people I know personally. All I have to do is make the call. I haven’t done that yet because I was stuck focusing on never getting better. I’m going to call this doctor today, and start the journey of getting better because at this point I can’t get much worse. I don’t want to be bedridden next month and that’s where I’m headed. I have to stop this disease in it’s tracks and try to live while I have the ability.

Today, I want to try. I’ll have my days where my goals are fuzzy especially when that day is a bad fibro day, but if I can go back and read this post the haziness might clear a little even if the sun doesn’t shine.

I can do this ..

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I actually feel I’ve accomplished something and I haven’t felt that way for a long time. It was an easy fix, I just swapped out the router, configured the Netgear and all the mac laptops in my Aunts house connected right away. She tried to pay me but I wouldn’t let her do to the fact that she’s family.

She said I should do that for a job. That made me giggle since I’ve been doing this sort of thing since 1998.

I’ve been working on getting my RSS feeds read today but I’m still at 1000+ in Google Reader. I’ll eventually catch up since I don’t have any plans this weekend.

I think I’m going to get through all this, I really do.

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So I’m headed to best buy to pick up a Netgear wireless router that will fix all their problems. My Aunt Donna and Uncle Don have a full Apple network (that tickles me to death, I love it) so it’s nice to finally be a tech for apple products.

I’ll be heading to BestBuy tomorrow to pick up the Netgear wireless router along with some blank DVD’s since Mom and I are running low. I feels good to be needed finally. I’ve felt like a wart on a toads back for so long, I forgot I was actually valuable to people. Plus, I was paid in yummy homemade soup and this homemade cracker spread, vegetarian of course.

No, I will not come to your house if you live in or close to the Greeley area to fix your home networks, but family is family and I’ve been sitting in the basement of my Mother’s house not getting much more interaction than talking to my fur babies and playing World of Warcraft.

I might have more jobs on the horizon. My Uncle Don’s son needs some consulting on a web design for his production company and I’m supposed to talk to him when he comes home from Christmas. Apparently he’s dished out a lot of money for a web site and got screwed. I hear more and more stories about that. It’s a shame.

To add to the geekiness, my friend Brett and I might have a web design project dealing with his band. We’d work together in providing a working web site to promote the band and I can continue to add to my portfolio. That’s exciting and just what I’ve been waiting for.

It’s been a good day so far. I hope it is tomorrow because my job at my Aunt’s house isn’t done yet.

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Reason being:

1. My blog is a chronological record of my life. I’m missing big details over the last few years that I wish I would have written about. That is something I need to fix.

2. My blog is a place for reflection and growth. Life is a lesson, and there is something to learn around every corner. I need to take advantage of that.

3. I have a love for gadgets and technology. I love reviewing products, and I haven’t done more than I can count on one hand in the last year. This disappoints me because a lot of great technology has come out and I have no record of it.

4. It has always been inside me to help people. I have been helping people with technology since 1998 and even tho I’ve complained about it in the past, when I know I’ve really helped someone it’s the best feeling ever.

5. I’ve been wanting to get my blog underway ever since I got laid off in July. It’s already December and I’ve yet to do that because I had no idea where to start. So I decided to start from the beginning and take it one step at a time.

Those are my commitments for this blog and they have always been. I’ve been a very bad procrastinator to keeping up with it especially when it’s something I love most of all.

My inspiration in this has been my sissy Camille who has started the project I’ve always had in my head but couldn’t execute. Now is the time.

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What I realized today, it’s not getting me anywhere. It’s only making me worse and worse, and in turn it’s making my fibro as bad as it’s ever been. I can blame the -20 to -50 degree weather as of late, but I would be lying if I didn’t say it was my very own attitude thats keeping me in a pit of darkness.

Until this morning. This morning I had a small victory. I haven’t been able to keep down multi-vitamins for years. They come right back up within 30 minutes of taking them. I’ve tried every kind, from regular for men and woman, to woman only and I finally gave up.

Then my Aunt Donna suggested I try the children’s Flintstones Gummy Bear multi-vitamins with immune support and without iron. She told me to take two in the morning with breakfast.

:: drum roll ::

It’s been two hours and I haven’t had any problems at all. I also want to eat the whole bottle. It’s like eating candy for breakfast. Speaking of breakfast, I thought it would make my Mom’s day if I made breakfast in bed for her. She said that was the first time anyone has ever done that. I’m happy she was happy.

So what I have learned in only the first few hours today, a different way of thinking has already brightened my day and make me inspired and motivated. I need to remember to look at the bright side, instead of the doom and gloom. To find that middle balance.

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People come into our lives for a reason and who would have thought it would be my first love? The night before we left Vince called me to tell me good luck and to be safe on the road. We’ve been texting ever since and today he sent me a very supportive quote.

“A smile is a sign of joy. A kiss is a sign of love. A laugh is a sign of happiness. A friend like me, well that’s a sign of good taste.”

Like I told him Thursday night, he’s always made me laugh and that quality of his hasn’t changed a bit. He’s being a great friend to me right now which was completely unexpected but aren’t all great things when we’re in a time of need?

Laughter is medicine, I really truly believe that and I’m happy he’s back in my life.

We went to look at a house yesterday that my realtor thought for sure I’d love but the minute I was in that house, I felt repressed, closed in, and by the time I was leaving my panic attack started. Mom asked me if I like the house or felt peace about it, and I didn’t want to disappoint her with the truth, but I’m not a liar so I had to tell her what I really felt even though she liked it so much. She said I need to be honest in how I feel, and if I don’t feel peace in a decision then it isn’t time to make that decision. I love how she’s given me such good advice throughout my life, I only wish I would have listened to her more so I wouldn’t have made such bad decisions.

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It was about the lack of mens commitment when their wife gets a serious illness. You can find it here.

When I got diagnosed with Fibro a lot of things changed in my marriage, and not for the good. It was around that time Brendan started to distance himself from me. I noticed he would spend more time in the basement, and less quality time with me. On my bad days he would take out his frustrations of my illness on me because he said he didn’t have anyone else to talk to. I noticed that I was walking on egg shells around him more, and his drinking gradually became more frequent.

It got to the point where we were not spending any time together, those egg shells I was walking on became glass, and the drinking had become a nightly occurance.

Toward the end of our marriage, I asked him if we could spend one night a month together. He said it was a lot to ask for and he didn’t know if he could commit to it because of work (he works part-time at Publix)

I guess a person just knows when it’s over and it was that moment I knew I had to get out of that toxic environment, and that my marriage was over.

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