You Suck at Kijiji: Funniest, Best, Worst and Weirdest Ads on Kijiji

The ultimate modern Newfie hippie vehicle (706)

2013-06-14T12:16:00.000-04:00

Thanks to reader Guiseppe for sending this Rock star vehicle in. Most 21-year-olds wish they could be as cool as this vehicle.

Unleash your Inner Hippie
Price $6,500.00
Address St. John's, NL A1A 3T1, Canada
View map
For Sale By Owner
Year 1992
Kilometers 259000
Colour Red
Have you always wanted to see the world through pink lensed John Lennon glasses? Do you wear tie dye shirts and your hair long? Do you feel more comfortable in Birkenstocks and wool socks? Ever dream of putting a flower in your hair and going to San Francisco? Do you feel the need, not for speed, but for relaxation and smiles from those that pass you?

If you answered yes to any of these questions you need to unleash your inner hippie!!!

I can help. You need to travel the open roads with a sense of not where you are going but how you are moving through life. You need a VW Camper Van. I have a VW Camper Van that you can have.

Why would you want to be another nameless yuppie in the campground with a 30-odd foot trailer and big truck when you can putter about in a modern version of a classic VW Pop Top Camper. Every kid that sees it smiles. Most of the adults that see it smile; those that don’t smile have dark inner beings that refuse to let those folks be at one with the earth.

What is life like living in a VW Camper… I don’t know, but a friend’s parents lived in one though a winter in the late 60s and they since had two kids and are still married – Life in a VW camper makes you a better person, more tolerant of yourself, others, and especially the VW Camper.

You don’t need the AC (that’s good because it doesn’t work anyway!) because you're already so cool. You like that it’s a 5 cylinder 130hp engine with an automatic transmission because you’re in no rush to get anywhere – the trip is about the trip, not the traffic! You and up to three of your closest friends can sit, eat and sleep comfortably inside, there’s even room for a couple of dogs to help keep you company. You’re not worried about chillaxxin because the on board AC/DC fridge is so quiet it will not shake you all night long and it will keep all your favourite wobbly pops cold for when you stop and play the guitar (mine is not included, but we could make a deal) next to the campfire. You don’t mind that there’s no bathroom because you’d rather give back to the earth what the earth gave to you.

Skinny dipping in the stream is ALWAYS better than a hot shower, and that’s good because this van does not come with a shower!

As an unrealized hippie, you don't have an I-Pod or MP3 player, and that’s OK. You’ll be rocking out to the best cassettes in your collection. I can even throw in a coupla dozen hard core 80s and 90s classics straight from Columbia House.

You're covered, both literally and figuratively, if you’re into the hippie free love thing - the van comes complete with original curtains for the entire vehicle and even a bug screen for the back door to keep those pesky yuppies at bay.

Anytime you travel, it’s always good to have someone with valuable experience, and experience doesn’t get any better than having travelled the equivalent of eight and a half times around the planet – that's almost 260,000km for those of you that skipped that geography class for some extra curricular activities out back of the school!

So what’s stopping you? Well the brakes will stop this van dead in its tracks because it’s all new in the last three years. This van will even start when you ask it, since the starter was replaced two years ago and we’re all seeing so much clearer now that we have a new windshield with no cracks (please…. no Rob Ford jokes about crack).

When you’re feeling tired, this VW Camper Van isn't; it’s 'tired' with 5 fresh Federal Ecovan tries shipped in form BC (honest, there was no bud with themJ ) and have since travelled about 2000km.

So what’s this hippie experience going to cost you? Certainly not your marriage or any friends, because everyone will want to come along for a weekend of hippie adventures. But it will cost you about $980.00 in the summer of love money… but that was 45 years ago so now it’ll be $6500.

As you know peace loving hippies never want to argue, so if you have a fair offer otherwise, I’m still rocking my inner hippie as well so we should be cool man.

for the lawyers..... may you all rot in... err... wrong ad... it's a 1992 VW Eurovan Westfalia, factory built camper van. Modern version of the classic VW pop top.

Peace out. Make love not war.

Gorgeous old car comes complete with ASHTRAY (705)

2013-06-05T12:12:00.000-04:00

1963 Ford Falcon with Luxurious ASHTRAY!!!
Price $4,500.00
Address Stouffville, ON L4A 7X3, Canada
View map
For Sale By Owner
Make Ford
Model Falcon
Year 1963
Kilometers 63000
Body Type Sedan
Transmission Manual
Colour Black
Drivetrain Rear-wheel drive (RWD)
Fuel Type Gasoline

Greetings Hepcats,

Like that case of antibiotic resistant Clap you picked up in Bangkok, I’m back.
Didja miss me? Well I missed you, my dear readers and only friends.
I gave up on the last ad in the winter on account of work in progress on this Seductress of Speed…

Here is the car- nay; the lifestyle you’ve been waiting for.

A Ford Falcon that rolled off the line in Oakville in 1963. Two doors? Hell no. Four. That’s right. Pop open that rear door at the local drive-in and watch her swoon.

This menace of the road packs an Awe Inspiring 144 cubic inch inline 6 with a Cherry Bomb glasspack crammed on the smoky end. Careful where you point this Hellcat. If your Awe happens to be really lazy and takes even more inspiring, I’ve got a 200 out of a ’66 Mustang that could be shoehorned in, but I warn you now; if that’s your bag, there’s a good chance you’ll hafta register your gas pedal foot as a lethal weapon. Hell yeah.

We’ve all heard tale of na’er-do-wells dropping a V8 into these cars, but you’re getting into the realm of WMDs and the last thing you need is UN sanctions on your driveway, or worse.

Of course, there’s the central feature, the aforementioned ashtray.
Why you ask?
Well, if hours of watching the critically acclaimed series Mad Men has taught us anything, slamming through the silky smooth three on the tree transmission whilst hauling on your Lucky Strike and not spilling a drop of your Scotch on the rocks is not for the untested and faint of heart. When you’re heel toeing rubber all over the Walmart parking lot, sometimes it’s better to leave that smoke in the ashtray rather than spill your drink, especially when the wife’s hands are full with her own smoke and the baby.
Ah yes, simpler times…

She was in sad shape when I found her. Cracked exhaust manifold, leaky heater core, sans radio, crappy seat upholstery, dubious brakes, write off door panels and worst of all, non-functioning cigarette lighter.
Well you can see, the door panels and parcel shelf have been replaced, but fear not, dear PETA friends, that isn’t real leopard skin. I was told it’s baby seal skin just dyed to look that way.

It’s got a fine sounding RetroSound Deluxe with the optional USB/ SD card reader. Now you can serenade that special someone with Barry Manilow for hours in the comfort of the spacious back seat that you clambered into by way of the surprisingly convenient back door. Ahem.

The front bench seat was pretty torn up. Red duct tape was working like a charm for a while, but eventually started to roll, becoming a very effective asshair removal system. (so I like to drive in a Speedo, what’s it to you?) It’s since been replaced with fine power adjustable leather buckets and center armrest/console out of an 01 Taurus. Now they’re pretty much gore proof, which is pretty handy if you’re planning to use it as a getaway vehicle that might involve rolling shootouts with the Man. The seats are heated units, but not connected; as a colour blind hammer mechanic with a thing for whiskey, I decided that trial and error with wiring on side airbag loaded seats was not in my best interest. I stand by my decision. The original bench is still alive and kicking, just needs a recover as does the rear.

The Lighter? Brings forth a heavenly glow. As a matter of fact, all systems are a go now. It’s been my daily driver. I can see no reason why it wouldn’t pass another safety. Body is solid, new floors welded in front and back, glorious carpet to round it all out. Two period lookin’ lap belts in the front, and there’s a four point bolted in to the rear passenger for my boy. A solid barn find, original paint, 63500 miles, even has the original dealer sticker on the stern. It’s got the stock 13” rims up front, 14” on the back, but still have the 13” with good rubber for the rear as well. Comes with a shop manual, owner’s manual, spare, original jack and tire iron and two spare 13” tires- sans rims. We can talk about the 200.

I’m asking $4500obo. The only trades I’m interested in is $4500 or so in gold bullion, a ‘49-55 something (what Daddy wants to buy with the proceeds and I'm open to kicking money in for the right beastie) or a US Navy MkV Mod 1. (If you’re about to google US Navy MkV Mod 1, I can pretty well guarantee you don’t have one).

So there you have it. A dump truck load of Awesome compacted into a tidy package.
With great power, comes great responsibility...If you think you’re worthy to carry this six cylinder torch, drop me a line. If not, I think I saw a Lada in a field down the road from me. It might be more your speed, email me and I’ll try to put you in touch for a modest finder’s fee.

Can you dig it?

You wonder why your Kijiji resume sucks? (704)

2013-05-18T18:05:00.001-04:00

Cynthia, 20, has been seeking a job for mouths. She's been lookimg hard for a job that includes to help people and she has her high school. Can u spot why she isn't cleanning up in the employment depratmint?

still looking for a job
Address Trenton, Quinte West, ON, Canada

Job Type Full-Time
Hello my name is Cynthia and I am 20. I have applied for many jobs in the last couple mouth but no one has contacted me. Just don't know why anyone posts jobs when they don't even answer when someone is looking. I am lookimg for full time everyday that includes: cashier, to help people, to organize stuff in the store and cleanning. I only have my high school. I prefer a job in Trenton or Belleville. I hope to get some reply and I have a resume if u wants to see it.

Granted, one of her other ads suggests English is not Cynthia's first language:

French???
Price Please contact
Address Trenton, Quinte West, ON, Canada

Do you want to learn French? I am born French. Just email me. (It helps for jobs)

Kijiji rental scammer Hartlen now wanted on Canada-wide warrant

2013-05-16T12:52:00.001-04:00

Jason Hartlen: if you're out there, you'd better turn yourself in. You're a wanted man. And from the sounds of things, quite the scumbag.

Hartlen, you were accused back in 2010 of screwing some nice people out of thousands of dollars during the Olympics in Vancouver. You're also wanted in Alberta for the same thing.

Now it looks like you've hosed some folks in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan out of a thousand bucks or more for a damage deposit on a property you don't even own.

Yeah, people should be smart and not spend money for properties they can't verify -- this apartment was actually rented by the crook. And yes, giving a stranger a thousand dollars in cash for an apartment with no paperwork is a dumb thing.

But you're a dick. Really, man. Just walk into a police station and give up. Tell them you're the jerk who ripped 24 people off in Saskatoon for more than $24,000.

Of course, Jason Hartlen may be an alias. It may be just one of many names you're using to fleece people all over western Canada.

I want you caught and brought to justice. The cops are looking for you.

“We’re going to be finding out all this information through our Canada-wide network of fraud investigators,” said Sgt. Keith Briant with Saskatoon Police. “Anywhere he’s checked for whatever reason, he’ll be arrested and shipped back to Saskatoon to stand and face the judge.”

Good. Loser.

The this boat will make them wet. 'Them' means 'ladies' of course (703)

2013-05-14T13:58:00.001-04:00

The 'pink snapper' line does it for me. This ad is into six figures of views now.

1996 Lund Alaskan - $3000Price $3,000.00
Address Brandon, MB R7C 1A3, Canada
For Sale By Owner
Make Lund Boat Co
Model Lund
Colour Black

Ok, this here is the prime honey hauler. Lemme break it down for you. In one month it will be boat season. Until then, all you have to do is wax it.

Float up to the beach in this bad boy and the hoes will flock. Happens every year! Every summer it's the same old thing, give me a ride they ask. I'll take my bikini top off they say, but it doesn't end there. With this 1996 30hp Mercury two stroke you can practically call yourself a chemist mixing the gas and oil! Plus the 72'' beam means you can load this baby up with all the biggest beach whales (trust me, i know).

This wave slammer hauls. If the girl doesn't take their top off that's ok because the wind will blow it off for sure. 40 year old virgin? girlfriend or wife cut you off at home? No problem. This is the boat for you. Built in 1995 the creators definitely had puss magnet on the build sheet. That means this boat has been hauling in fish and pink snapper for over 15 years. This is a bachelors dream right here and you wont find a better price. For one easy payment of 3000 bucks this chick magnet will be yours. I hate to see it go but its time for some other lucky guy to take this boat down to tuna town. But that's not all this trailer has guides for when your hammered drunk at the end of the day you can still loader up. Shoot me a reply and make your wet dreams a reality.

That thing in the news I'm not talking about

2013-05-14T11:17:00.000-04:00

You know that thing related to Kijiji that's all over the news for good reason right now?

Yeah, I'm not going to be talking about that here. Just this once.

YouSuckatKijiji.com is a place for fun. We make fun of people who do Kijiji poorly and celebrate those who do it well. It's a sandbox where we build castles and tear them down and laugh and laugh and laugh.

But what's in the news this week is just sad. I hate using the word tragedy because it's an over-used and hyperbolic expression these days and is most often misapplied. But the Bosma case is, in my opinion, really a tragedy.

I'm seeing a ton of chatter on Twitter today with people saying they're never going to use Kijiji again. I know you're upset, but that's foolishness. This is not Kijiji's fault. It's not. It's not Kijiji's fault any more than it's a yellow line on the road's fault that someone was hit by a drunk driver, or the phone company's fault that someone was frightened by an obscene caller, or the post office's fault you got a paper cut.

Kijiji worked exactly how it was supposed to in this case. A man posted an ad. Someone replied to it. He met them in person. The people he met were bad people. He couldn't have known that. And since the callers phoned his cell phone, Kijiji's only role in the entire transaction was letting someone see the phone number the seller put up.

(Correction: Kijiji says on its blog:

We confirmed to the police that the ad posted by Mr. Bosma on Kijiji did not feature personal contact information, nor did it receive any replies, which determines the incident did not occur as result of his ad posting on Kijiji.

... which indicates there's no Kijiji connection here at all.)

I'm sad for the man's family. I don't pray, but if I did, I'd pray for peace for them and for wisdom for the police and prosecutors investigating this crime.

It would be wise, in my opinion, for Kijiji to pull its media campaign temporarily. That's just a PR thought. I feel bad for Kijiji, too, because they offer a good service and honestly don't deserve the bad buzz they're getting from this. The people at Kijiji Canada work hard to make a good marketplace. They have families, too.

Users and readers, I implore you: Keep going. Keep doing things right. Keep making deals safely. Keep your wits about you and keep reporting suspicious ads to Kijiji and reporting crimes to police.

If you know someone who says Kijiji is dangerous and shouldn't be trusted, please use your position of intelligence and rationality to correct your friends and family. Kijiji is just as safe as it's always been. Nothing has changed. It's still the best place to buy and sell and trade and all that. It's still as annoying and frustrating for all the same reasons, of course, but nothing's changed. Nothing's changed.

Things have changed for the Bosma family. My heart is with them.

Left hand for sale (702)

2013-05-13T14:11:00.001-04:00

Obviously not an ad that will last long. Not at this price!

My Left HandPrice $2,500.00

My left hand. I can have it surgically removed and put on ice on short notice. Skilled hand, approximately 30 years old, male. Blood type to be provided upon sale. Great for amputees! This is a dominant hand so the muscle memory includes penmanship, guitar and piano, contains average puck control ability with a hockey stick. Works for both gold and baseball, not recommended for rock climbing or tennis without proper training. Hand is very large, great for slapping and firm handshakes. $2500 firm

Halifax goes Kijiji-crazy for Mooseheads Hockey tickets

2013-05-10T11:47:00.000-04:00

The Halifax Mooseheads, a team in the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League, could win the President's Cup tonight for the first time.

The city has suddently gone hockey crazy. Tickets for the playoff game are listed for obscene amounts on Kijiji, but more impressive are the creative attempts to exploit the game and maybe see it live. Here are some of the best so far.

A radio station in Halifax interviewed THAT guy and here's how it sounded:

700th post! Kijiji 101 tip to avoid bear spray in the face

2013-05-01T15:38:00.002-04:00

Wow, we've hit 700 "You Suck At Kijiji" posts. There are more than 700 posts on the site, but we've highlighted seven hundred good, bad, funny and horrible Kijiji ads.

Kind of fitting that #700 is a tongue-in-cheek but practical piece of advice in light of a recent bear spray attack on a Kijiji buyer in Halifax, Nova Scotia. The guy was following the usual rules of dealing locally, in cash, in person, but overlooking some of the common sense sub-points, like meeting where people will notice if you've been bear-sprayed by a-hole hoodlums.

So, thanks to Twitter user @evilpez4, we bring you the following public service announcement:

The text:

KIJIJI 101: FREE TIPS ON MEETING YOUR BUYER
Price Free
Address 951 South Bland Street, Halifax, NS B3H 2S6, Canada

Oh hey, your pal Ki-Jay-Jay here with a helpful tip when it comes to buying and selling items on your favorite local classified site!

AND IT'S FREE!

TIP 1.

When meeting up with your buyer, best to meet in a public place, like a Tim Horton's parking lot or better yet, and if space allows, inside the donut shop. Somewhere well lit, where plenty of patrons make it less likely you will:

1) Get hosed down with Bear Spray.
2) Have your item stolen from you.
3) Make front page news for your inability to think things out.

If someone suggests you meet on the side of a dark desolate road in the middle of the night or at an abandoned Summer Camp and you agree to it, you've got nobody to blame for your horribly inept decision making skills.

Remember, as a Seller you should be able to dictate the meeting place. Not the other way around. If you say "McDonald's parking lot" and they say "dilapidated grain elevator" best to move on to another potential buyer.

Good advice, Jay! You're obviously a top-level Kijiji wheeler and dealer. Looking forward to more lessons!

Stupid Halifax criminals use bear spray on Kijiji seller

2013-05-01T12:42:00.002-04:00

I don't know why criminals in Halifax are such jerks. Beat a guy up? Threaten him with a knife? Criminal activities, sure, but they're traditional and straightforward.

But to ambush a Kijiji seller with bear spray? That's low and cheap. Low-down dirty scumbags making people unreasonably afraid to sell their wares on an otherwise safe and reputable site. Seriously.

This incident happened at a somewhat late but not unheard-of hour for a Kijiji sale: 9:30pm near Gaston Rd. and Lacomb Dr. in the Halifax suburb of Dartmouth.

The victim is a 25-year-old man who said he met two strangers through Kijiji to sell a piece of jewelry. I'm not saying that's a bad part of town -- trailers and two-storey homes -- but it's not a well-traveled public place, know'msayin'?

Once buddy handed over the jewels, the crooks blasted him with an "unknown noxious substance" according to police. Read bear spray or pepper spray or dog spray or Axe deodorant. Paramedics attended, treated the dude and let him go. Cops brought dogs but couldn't find the dicks who did this.

These a-holes are described as: skinny black guy, 18-23 with a fade haircut and tattoos on the right side of his neck and back of right hand. Classy. He was wearing a black track suit like a true jewelry connoisseur. His sidekick was a white guy with pretty much the same description, except he's white: 5'11" and slim with tattoos on his neck. The other dude's track suit must've been pretty awesome because the victim didn't even notice if the white guy was WEARING clothes.

Know something about this? Call CrimeStoppers at 1-800-222-TIPS. You don't have to give your name, you're not talking to the cops, and you could be eligible for a cash reward which you can use to buy dozens of puppies on Kijiji.

Also, to bear-spray-toting Halifax criminals: grow up.

First car dealers, now landlords: Some free Kijiji classifieds going pay-to-play

2013-05-01T12:26:00.000-04:00

Sometimes the things that make you popular can get in the way. Take Kijiji's free online classifieds, for example. They proved so popular among people trying to sell their cars that dealers got in on the action and virtually took over the category, posting hundreds of free ads. The ads would've cost them a bundle to reach the same sized audience in other media, and the dealer ads quickly crowded out the ads from individuals trying to sell their cars. So, Kijiji moved to start charging people with multiple concurrent ads a fee.

The same thing is now happening to properties for rent. It used to be that you could rent a flat in your home or sublet your apartment with ease. Now major landlords with multiple properties have filled up the categories with ads they would've had to pay for in days gone by.

Kijiji announced recently that it will start bringing in fees for landlords with multiple listings:

the Apartment & Condos for Rent category will become a pay-per-insertion category. This change has been implemented to help maintain the high quality of listings on Kijiji and to allow us to further invest in improvements for both our customers and our users. We are committed to providing you with the best possible experience.

We understand this may come as a surprise to some of our regular posters and to help alleviate the impact, we have put into place the following measures:

1) All users will be allowed to have up to 3 active ads live on Kijiji at one time at no charge

2) Those users posting 3 or more ads in this category will be charged a $29.99/ad fee

3) Monthly subscription packages are in place that will allow you to syndicate your ads directly from your website which will eliminate the need to manually post

So, if you're just one person with one property to rent, you won't be paying anything to list. If you have two condos, you're still clear.

Beyond that, I'm confused. "Up to three" with no charge says to me you can have one, two or three ads live on Kijiji at no charge. But the next line says three or more will be charged $29.99 each.

For clarity, that really should read "one or two" ads are free, and "three or more" will be paid, unless I'm mistaken, and it's "up to three" and "four or more." I'll add to the post if I hear further about this.

Thirty bucks PER AD seems like a lot, especially in some smaller markets where one person may own much of a town's rental stock.

Still, if owners are tempted to complain, they're welcome to put their money into Viewit.ca or some other purpose-built site. Oh, you don't want to pay a manager? You want the reach and popularity of Kijiji? You want to leverage the most popular classified ads site in Canada to fill your vacancies and make you wealthy?

Sorry, landlords. Time to pay to play.

Kijiji paypal scams: Lisa Macedo and Mary Cole are fake!

2013-04-29T14:59:00.005-04:00

I'm seeing an awful lot of traffic here lately from people looking for information on Kijiji paypal scams. People are thankfully suspicious enough about the people offering to buy their stuff that they search the names of the senders. They end up hear learning about the fraud they just avoided.

If you get an email from a Lisa Macedo, or a Mary Cole, or Julie Chen or any of the other made-up names offering to buy your item without seeing it, asking you to ship it because they're in a foreign place and can't see what you're selling, it IS a scam.

I'm not saying it might be a scam or that you should proceed with caution. I'm saying it's a fraud, it's baloney, it's entirely bogus and you should absolutely not proceed.

According to comments on a post from YouSuckatKijiji.com more than a year ago, some of the fake names used over and over again by these scammers include but are not limited to:

Julie Chen or Julie-mansor Chen - juliechen1983@gmail.com or chenjulie0@gmail.com for example
Mike Goodrich - MikeGoodrichw1@gmail.com
Veronica Wilson - veronicawilson1236@gmail.com
Charlie-Carter Morgan
Mary Cole

Here's the sort of email you might get:

"Thanks for the response Does it need anything to be replace or repair?if theirs please specify,i will take it for the listed price,Payment will be sent using PayPal and i will handle the PayPal surcharge as well.I will arrange with someone to have this picked up for your location once i have paid as i am out of town at the moment. I would appreciate if you email me with more pictures (if available) too,since i won't be be able to see this in person,what's the PayPal email to send funds to in order for me to pay you ASAP. "

If you landed here because you searched for any of the text above: congratulations. You're the target of fraud.

You might also get a Paypal offer by text message for your Kijiji listing. Be smart. Don't fall for it.

Remember: Deal in person. Deal locally. Use cash.

Understand? If you ship to someone you don't know without having real cash money in your hand, you are a fool. Don't do it. These scams are easy to avoid. Avoid them.

Please check your rear end for my wedding ring (699)

2013-04-23T11:54:00.000-04:00

Wanted: Lost Wedding Ring
Address Medicine Hat, AB T1A 0A1, Canada

elp I need my ring back before my wife finds out. No questions asked. I was sharing a cab with you last weekend from Ralphs. We were holding hands and im sure you took it off while we were driving to my house. I had too much to drink but i do remember you playing with my hands I think, my wife returns next week from visiting her dieing mother. I NEED THIS BACK NOW!!!!

Stabbin' Cabin: The motor home for the devil in you (698)

2013-04-15T10:07:00.000-04:00

Cruise the country like a low-rent rock star in this motor home tricked out for the man-whore on a budget.

The wildest hellcat motorhome you'll ever see!
Price $1,000.00
Address Airdrie, AB, Canada
Year 1976
Kilometers 12345
Colour White

Do you often find yourself stumbling from a campfire, and trying to set up a cheap green tent in the dark?
Have problems meeting smokin hot women with questionable morals?

Well these problems will be no more with this beautiful piece of history, dubbed The Stabbin Cabin! You won't have to be the best lookin cat at the Joe Diffie concert to be #1 with the ladies anymore!

All three doors work and this thing starts up and runs great! Nothing says CLASS like orange and brown, and this rig is full to the BRIM of tacky colours! Everything that could be loved about the 70's embodies this hot rod.

Comes with a FREE baseball bat to defend yourself. You could take on 3 grizzly bears and a wildly disgruntled honeybadger!
(or if you want a gun-rack, nail one to the wall. See if I care)

It has been rumoured that Charlie Sheen himself shotgunned 4 beers in this very babe-wagon you see pictured here! And who doesn't like shotgunning beers? Terrorists, thats who. Are you a terrorist? No? Then you probably need this vehicle.

Equipped with a propane stove you can cook gourmet meals with ease!
The fridge works great (stuffed with ice bags) to keep all your drinks chilled for the duration of your time alone with nature.

There may be a few leaks, but I'm quite certain that it is pure testosterone, and will be an improvement to the environment anywhere you drive.

The interior doesn't look great, but this machine isn't designed to pick up crappachino-voodoo latte's at chic coffee shops, so that shouldn't be a problem.

The tread on the tires will send you flying through the trails to get to the ultimate camping spot! When this motor roars to life you'll send all small mammals and hipsters scurrying for shelter. With Dodge power this sleazy hotel on wheels can come and go faster than a virgin on prom night!

This thing handles like the Queen Mary in a swimming pool, but it's a motorhome, what do you expect. I found an un-labled pull switch, this may be an eject button. Pull with caution.

If you think you're man enough to handle this rig, give me call. We can discuss change of ownership while drinking rye and listening to Johnny Cash.

1976 Dodge Class C motorhome. The C stands for Classy.
Judging by the evidence I've found inside, this rig went to Blackrock, Nevada in 2011. This rig may be invincible, and outlive both you and your next two generations of top-notch offspring.

Asking $1000. I'm not too keen to sell, but I need some spare cash to build up my next tow-rig for May Long

**Last registered in BC. The law says that you need an out of province inspection, but you could get creative. I have faith in you**

**I'VE HAD TOO MANY OFFERS TO ESTABLISH ANY ORDER. WHOEVER SENDS THE BEST PTERODACTYL NOISE TO MY VOICEMAIL GETS TO LOOK FIRST!!**

The Stabbin Cabin is a public figure on facebook! You're not only buying a hotel on wheels, you're buying CLASS!

https://www.facebook.com/WildestHellcatMotorhome

Anti-corporate rant that's a great deal on a broken dishwasher (697)

2013-04-13T09:59:00.002-04:00

This Halifax ad is right up my alley. I've sold broken things on Kijiji before and plan to again. I'm straight up honest about it: this thing's broken, and I think this is what needs replacing. I'm not going to, but if you want to try, take it off my hands for cheap.

But in this case, it's a dishwasher from Sears and the seller's kind of angry.

Beautiful Sears Kenmore dishwasher -or a really nice boat anchor
Price $74.00
Address Portland Hills, Dartmouth, NS, Canada

OK. So after nearly 1600 views, none of you buggers have made me an offer. So I thought a price drop was in order. 74 dollars. That's my final for today, and I expect you better act fast. I disconnected it and replaced it last night, it's sitting in my kitchen because I can't take it down the stairs by myself, and my dog is drinking extra water and eyeing it up as a very shiny hydrant.
As I said last time, it washes dishes beautifully – probably the best of any dishwasher I’ve owned, actually – but it isn’t so good at getting rid of the water at the end of the cycle.

Two years ago, my wife and I built a house, and installed a Kenmore dishwasher. Within six months, it had stopped draining at the end of the cycle. So we called Sears, believing that it would be an easy fix. I’ve never considered myself a moron before, but my blind faith in Sears would prove that I should have my mittens tied together with a string, and I should only eat with spoons, as I could easily lose an eye if I tried a fork. Anyway, had to keep calling Buddy on the graveyard shift of Customer "Service" in New Delhi" to deal with the problem. Buddy hated me instantly because I woke him up- no way he was going to make this easy. In the meantime, we washed dishes by hands for weeks, waiting for their repair man to show up - I guess it took some time for the work order to make it the 15 time zones back to Halifax. Then we have to take 4 hours off from work (the repairman only promises to show up some time in the four hour block), burn our gas to get to and from work, only to be told, “we have to order a new drain pump”. Weeks more of hand-washing dishes. My finger nails have never been cleaner, and my hands never softer. “More than just mild. You’re soaking in it”. Remember that commercial? That was me, the new Madge, only with a five o’clock shadow, idiot mittens, and a fork stuck in my eye. In comes the part, so we have to book off another 4 hours of work, drive to and from work on our own nickel. In goes the new part, and the dishwasher works, kind of. . . for about 4 months, then it breaks again. Wash dishes by hand for 3 weeks. 4 hours off from work. Order part. Wash dishes for a week. Take 4 hours off. Install new part. Doesn’t work. Order same part again. Wash dishes for two weeks. 4 hours off from work. Part still doesn’t make it work. Order same part for the third time.

At this point we called back the Sears Buddy in New Dehli and suggested that we got a lemon. “Nope. Can’t be a lemon until it’s been fixed 3 times” they say. “It has been fixed 4 times”, says I. “Nope. The last 3 visits have been the same problem, so they only count as one”, says they. I went into the store where I bought it, and said “you sold me a lemon, please sir, may I have another?”. “Nope” says they. “We only take your money here. We don’t help you with your problems... call New Dehli. Now shoo, you’re scaring off our next victims”. So, I tell them that I’m going home to rip out the dishwasher, and I’m gonna sit on it in front of their store during their biggest sale of the year. And I would have, but after an exhaustive letter writing and email campaign with Head Office, the manager contacted us and after another few weeks, we finally got a replacement.

That replacement (same model) still washes dishes beautifully, but after 11 months of use, it doesn’t drain. Now, if I didn’t have PTSD from dealing with these clowns in the past, and dish pan hands so bad that they’re cracking, I’d tilt at this windmill again. I’ve thought about taking a page from the book of that raving lunatic in North Korea, let my kids starve while I build a catapult and threaten to launch the dishwasher through the window of Sears. But I’m too tired. Went out last night, bought a new dishwasher (NOT from Sears).

So. If you have the skills and the time to replace the pump in this dishwasher (I have neither skill nor time), and you have 74 bucks, you’ll get a good deal and I’ll get back the tank of gas I spent dealing with a store that treats its customers like morons. Stand by for more price drops.

Bad picture, worse description, but NO LOWBALLERS (696)

2013-03-26T12:10:00.002-04:00

On Twitter, user @DivaQBBQ says "This could very well be one of the worst written Kijiji ads that I have ever seen."

Nice creamy computer table. NEED GONE!
Price $20.00
Address Wasaga Beach, ON, Canada

I dont drive.

i dont know the measuremnts so dont ask.

Sorry for the mess.

I am selling it cuz im going to get a bigger one.

Asking 20. NO LOWER!

Please email or text if interested. No calls please.

Check out other ads. Thx

How bad is the picture? This bad. Did someone put this through Instagram or did their camera go through the washing machine? You can almost imagine the stink and stickiness that must come with this table. And it's creamy.

Yellow marker is the Forrest Gump of highlighters (695)

2013-03-21T15:26:00.000-04:00

A Historical Item called a Highlighter, used by a Tired Student
Price $30,000.00
Address 110 King St W, Toronto, ON M5H 1H1, Canada

This highlighter is simply magical.

It comes from a simpler time before 2012, the ancient year of 2011. A time when Mitt Romney was still looked upon as a suitable replacement for Barack Obama and the end of the world wasn't so near. The year 2011 brings back many memories of the large tsunami in Japan, in which 200 million dollars of aid was used to assist the killing of the whales as they were deemed the terrorists behind the devastating flooding of the nuclear reactor.

However, this highlighter was there. It just was. It was there when the tsunami occurred and it highlighter the key points of that article. It was there when Gadhafi was fighting for his very life, and it angrily highlighted Gadhafi's name many times in bright yellow. Yes this highlighter was on the frontlines of battle, but also enjoyed highlighting the curves of Jessica Alba while adding a moustache to add to the problems of Lindsay Lohan. As Charlie Sheen would say, this highlighter is bi winning, as it has highlighted winning twice.

This highlighter is also highly educated. It has been in service of a student at a major University for 4 and a half long years. This highlighter has put a spot light on key words and phrases such as "I'm going to fail", "this exam is ridiculously hard", "I should of went to college", or the personal favourite "What am I doing with my life?". It has highlighted financial statements particularly the words "double declining depreciation" (as this was seen as a metaphor for the student's life) many times while at the same time highlighted the cutest girl's name after the competing pen wrote it. Damn that pen, the student couldn't part with the pen could he! No, he must part with me.

Why? Because the student recently highlighted a new number. A number that stunned even the calculator, who has been a total jerk all these years. Why does the calculator get pounded all the time? The student has to press her keys all the time, while totally ignoring the fact I like my lid on tight and occasionally allowing me to dry right out. I digress. That number was the student's debt. Most likely, this student after studying almost for 5 long years will have a $30000 debt. It made my lid pop off.

So, as a result, this student is selling his most treasured item (or at least I would like to call myself that - I mean he takes me everywhere). I may have been a little bit of a promiscuous, as three other people have used more on exams, but not one highlighter is perfect right? I mean, the orange highlighter has been with 16 students - quite the nymphomaniac,.

I know I can't match up to a reputable highlighter like Barack Obama's highlighter, or even Snookie's highlighter. Wait. Snookie can't read - why would she highlight? Ok, maybe Zooey Deschanel's highlighter (love you).

However, I have experience. Something many University graduates lack.

So please, for the price of $30000 this highlighter will go to a new home (the student is also open to trading). I promise to love you the same way I loved my former owner, and the student says he'll promise to pay occasional visits to update you (and myself) on his endeavors.

Thank you for reading, and I would like to add I would make a very good Christmas Present to Snoop Lion - he could use a highlighter to help him learn how to read.

How do you spell music? EADGBE (694)

2013-03-13T12:02:00.000-04:00

Reader @iryancook spots this keeper. One of the most basic secrets to success on Kijiji is the fine art of getting the spelling right on the thing you're selling. If it's a Honda, don't call it a Hundo. If it's an iPhone, don't put ePhnoe in your headline.

And if it's a guitar, say it's a guitar.

Igloo rental bridges the Halifax housing gap (693)

2013-03-01T08:18:00.002-05:00

Anti-poverty activists in Halifax, Nova Scotia rail against government authorities for failing to ensure an adequate supply of housing for low-income individuals. Screw that. Here's an igloo.

Spacious Igloo
Price $1.00
Address Halifax, NS B3H 3J3, Canada

Bedrooms (#) Bachelor or studio
Bathrooms (#) 1 bathroom
For Rent By Owner
Furnished No
Pet Friendly Yes
Seasonal rental, sleeps 3 comfortably. Not furnished but hand sculpted furniture is available upon request. Perfect for the minimalist outdoorsy type. $1.00 per day or by donation... Get it while its cold!

Buy your way into Canada as a set-up rich guy (with a dog) (692)

2013-02-21T17:20:00.004-05:00

I have a feeling this Kijiji Winnipeg ad is trying to make a point about affluence.

This dog comes with the house when you buy the whole Canadian Citizen package.

I mean, you could do worse for $1.1 Million. But conspiciously missing from the ad is an actual Canadian citizenship.

Buy your Canadian Citizenship, House, Business, Property, Canada
Price $1,100,000.00
Address Winnipeg, MB R3P 2H6, Canada
Bedrooms (#) 6 or more bedrooms
Bathrooms (#) 6 or more bathrooms
Size (sqft) 2503
For Sale By Owner

Description

Buy a Canadian Citizenship with this package designed to get your Canadian life on the go. Stop piecing these things out and buy it all in 1 go with this package fit for a king.
Price includes:
- A 7 Bedroom house in an upscale neighbourhood.
- A houseboat on beautiful Lake of the Woods
- A slightly used 2007 Coachman Mirada RV
- A 2006 Jeep Commander
- A 2009 Sea Doo (I'll throw in some skis)
- An established business that is considered a Winnipeg icon
(Business optional [included in price])
- All Home/Boat and RV furnishings provided down to the pots and pans
- A 2001 Yorkshire Terrier.
- Also includes a 1 week vacation to my new hotel in Mexico.

Now for the details:

House
-Over 2500 square feet
-7 Bedrooms (2 down stairs)
-3.5 Bathrooms
- Located on an Upscale neighbourhood (Lindenwoods)
-Numerous upgrades
-Fully finished Basement
-Comes completely Furnished and accesorised.
- Attached oversized double Garage
More details provided upon inquiry.

Houseboat

-40' Threebouys Houseboat
- 1986
- Numerous Renovations and Maintenance upgrades
-1 Bath
- Sleeps 10
-Fully and functioning.
-Fully furnished
-Considered in excellent condition.
More details available on inquiry.

Coachman

-2007 Coachman Mirada
-Very slightly used
- Less then 9,000 Miles.
- Double slide out
-Self contained with 2 dual vent roof air conditioners
-Exterior and interior upgrade packages.

Jeep

-2006 Jeep Commander
-approx. 100 000 KM
More details upon inquiry

Sea-Doo

-2009 Sea-doo
- Bought new in 2011
- Approx 65 Hours
- 0-50 in 2.5 seconds
- 355 Horsepower
More details upon inquiry

Business

-Included in Price, can be removed with price adjustment.
-Established business for over 33 years.
- More details upon inquiry

Dog
-2001 Model Yorkshire Terrier
-Pure Bred No papers
- Well Trained
- Great For company
- Unneutered
- Missing some teeth otherwise healthy.

Included in this package is a 1 week all inclusive vacation for 2 at the hotel I plan on buying with the proceeds from the package sold
Paypal not accepted on this deal.

Contact for tour of the assets.

Charges laid in Halifax airline points fraud

2013-02-21T14:14:00.004-05:00

Investigators assigned to the HRP/RCMP Integrated Financial Crime Unit have charged a man following an online fraud investigation.

Between October 27, 2012 and February 6, 2013, several victims from across the country responded to an online ad offering airline points for sale. The victims contacted the seller by email and after agreeing on a purchase price, transferred funds to a Halifax man, but never received the points. At this time, seven victims have contacted police in relation to this matter.

Today at 8 a.m., investigators executed a search warrant at a residence in the 200 block of Herring Cove Road in Halifax. They seized electronic equipment and arrested a suspect without incident.

Twenty-two-year-old Jonathan David O’Brien of Halifax was held in custody and will appear in Halifax Provincial Court later today. He faces charges of fraud over $5,000 and breaching court orders. The investigation is ongoing and additional charges are anticipated.

Police routinely receive complaints from citizens regarding ads on local websites. Scams includes selling counterfeit or stolen merchandise, the buyer not receiving the items or receiving a product which is of inferior value/quality or is not what it is supposed to be. As well, in some instances personal and/or financial information may be compromised, which could lead to identity theft.

To reduce your risk of becoming a victim of an online scam:

- Ensure that all transactions take place locally and in person.

- When buying or selling, meet in person to see the product and exchange money.

- Meet in well-lit public places with many people around, like a coffee shop or grocery store parking lot.

- Do not give out personal or banking information over the phone or the internet.

- Tell a friend or family member where you are going or take them along with you.

- If you own a cell phone, take it with you.

- Trust your instincts, if something doesn’t seem right, it probably isn’t.
Anyone who has been a victim of such a scam is encouraged to report it to the HRP/RCMP Integrated Financial Crime Unit at 902-490-1985 or online at https://www.halifax.ca/police/NonDispatch/index.html

(Source: Halifax Regional Police)

Remember VHS? Relive it for $200, sucker. (691)

2013-02-20T12:53:00.001-05:00

I've heard people complain that some of the stuff on Kijiji is overpriced, and I can understand that. Myself, I put a 27" color television up there on the weekend for $50. Someone on Twitter said "How about free?" That rang true, so I changed the ad to say it was free if you also bought something else I was selling. A man came by and gave me $15 for an old vacuum cleaner and got the big-ass TV for free. That's how you sell obsolete crap.

This is not. This person is hustling a General Electric (GE) Images CG671 camcorder. It's a full-sized VHS camera that currently goes for $25 on eBay if you 'buy it now.'

This camcorder was introduced in 1991. That's 22 years ago. It was about $650 brand new at the time.

You can get brand new HD cameras for less than $200 today.

Unless there's a videotape of Prime Minister Stephen Harper's wife engaged in sexual relations with another woman stuck in the playback deck of this machine, there's no way it should be sold for anything more than $10.

And to top it off -- the feature gallery picture is a grey bag on a grey chair.

A monkey, a marshmallow and a freaky job opportunity (690)

2013-02-15T13:34:00.000-05:00

Full credit to @westingham on Twitter for finding this ad that's my favourite from 2013 so far. If you've ever wanted to hand-feed marshmallows to a monkey on the edge of insanity, here's the job for you. And best of all, it's in the crazy-ad Kijiji capital of Winnipeg, Manitoba.

Mini-Marshmallow Hand-Feeder -- Opportunities For Advancement
Address Winnipeg, MB, Canada

Do you enjoy marshmallows and can handle very small amounts of human saliva? Do you take joy in making people happy? Are you flexible with your terms of employment? Are you open-minded, clean, honest, and a hard worker? Do you like dancing to Robot Music wearing Kitchen Armor? ?

Single employer looking for someone who will work hard at the small tasks that matter in his daily happiness.

Tasks may include:

- Hand-feeding him mini-marshmallows
- Potential graduation to hand-feeding regular-sized and flavored marshmallows
- Demonstrate constant ability to meet all targets and open goals/mouths
- Show creativity in approaches to projects (s'mores, fluffernutter)
- Maintain full stocks of office supplies (white, pastel, chocolate sauce)
- Ability to lift less than 8 oz, typically no more than .5 oz

Other activities may include:

- Shopping-cart races in the aisles of a Walmart
- Pictionary, both with and without the sand timer
- Areas of creative play, potentially including incorporating other marshmallow related activities into daily activities, such as a marshmallow toss or fluffernutter-making http://www.tablespoon.com/recipes/fluffer-nutter-bites-recipe/1/
- Staying up all hours of the night talking about design ideas for kitten condos
- Illegal Go-Kart racing
- Following your whims and passions
- Smiling and having fun
- Don't make this weird

Experience and Benefits:

- Must be 18 years of age or older
- Must like marshmallows, or at least tolerate them without any political agenda attached
- Must like childlike innocent fun without adult-ish expectations attached
- Insurance offer does not include coverage for the consequences of marshmallow over-consumption
- Experience making people happy a plus
- Your resume must be in Haiku form

Compensation depends on experience. No illegal activities (Go-Karts are exempt). Nothing sexual. Benefits are endless. Background check required. No calls or recruiters, please.

Homewrecker wanted. Will pay thirty bucks (689)

2013-02-13T16:42:00.000-05:00

jmombourquette on Twitter writes, "just found this in the job section of halifax kijiji.. what is WRONG with people?!"

Yeah, no kidding.

Looking for a girl to make a phone call that will break up two people will not go into details, but the people involved deseve it. Easy way to earn 30 dollars who's game?

Tribble incubator doubles as luggage (688)

2013-02-07T10:39:00.002-05:00

Need an easy way to identify your luggage when it comes down the carousel at the airport? Just watch for the one exploding with tribbles.

Tribble Incubator (Can be used as suitcase if in a bind).
Price Please contact
Address Riverview, NB E1B 4G3, Canada

The Trouble With Tribble Incubation Is, Let's Be Honest, The Mess. Ughhh. So What We Have Here Is A Jaguar Tribble Incubation Chamber On Wheels, With Handles, Expandable (A Good Tribble Breeder Knows The Need For Expansion! Am I Right Or Am I Right?), and From A Non-Smoking Household.

As A Straight-Shooting Former Tribble Farmer, I Had To Relocate From The Wide Open Spaces Of, well, Space To A More Compact Urban Environment. Thus I Purchased This Fine Model Of For Urban Incubation. Long-Story-Short, Numerous By-Laws, Pleas From All Wives (former and the current), and Some Professional Help, Left Me With A Tribble Incubation Chamber That Was Used Mainly For Travel.

Basically, What I Have Is Several Pieces Of Luggage That I Need To Either Sell For A Low Price Or If A Dreamer/Student/Volunteer Needs It They Can Have It. (*Not Interested In Selling/Giving Away To Tribble Incubation Resellers).

Having Traveled Myself Back In My Younger Days, I Would Love For A Student Or Traveler In Need To Take Any Of The Pieces Off My Hands (Cause Traveling Is Just Better When You Can Buy A Pint or Two).

Serious(ironic, eh?) Inquiries Only.