Their response to his dismay was a viral blitz online asking area students to mobilize for prayer. They created a website and a Facebook group and a YouTube video, composed and recorded an anthem, designed a simple T-shirt, and began tweeting that “God Belongs in My City.”

Finally, they organized a silent prayer walk throughout Manhattan that will take place this Saturday, November 14. More than 1,000 teens are expected to participate, wearing T-shirts that proclaim “God Belongs in My City,” and blanketing the borough from 96th Street to the Battery. My eight-year-old son and I will be following their lead.

If you cannot join us, please say a prayer for what God is stirring among New York City’s two million young people this weekend.

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• If your church (as a whole) is engaging with college age people, what do you think it is about your church that is attractive?
• Or, if your church isn’t engaging college age people (as a whole), what characteristics in your church are hindering that engagement?
• In your time with college age people, what do you hear them say they like about their church (as a whole).

Again, I know it could be easy to talk about an individual ministry, but this needs to be broader than that.  Would love your insights, suggestions, thoughts…

At NYWC in Cincinnati, I hosted a conversation for women in youth ministry and these topics came up a couple of times. So, I thought it would be great to share some tips, some experiences and encouragement if you’re a youth minister or a volunteer working with guys in your youth ministry.

1. Finding confidence in yourself.

When you’re the person that’s there and available – you’re the one who can make a difference. Being confidence to your interactions with any young person is going to be really helpful, regardless of gender. But with boys especially – if you feel confident in yourself, you’ll be able to focus more on the young person and less on what you’re getting “right or wrong”. In order to get there – focus on what you know and what you need to know. There are some great resources out there – specifically Teenage Guys by Steve Gerali – to help you get a handle on what guys are experiencing. This is valuable youth ministry info! Start to gather this information AS WELL AS reflecting on your own experiences to look for patterns, insights and understanding. As with any youth ministry situation – identify specific insecurities and triggers and then proactively look for solutions or understanding to help you move past it. Keep working on this and your confidence will grow. If nothing else, remember that hundreds of women youth workers have had life-changing impact working with teenage guys – so can you.

2. Talk shoulder to shoulder.

Heather Ameye-Bevers was the first female youth pastor I ever worked with. So naturally, I asked her for some of her most valuable tips. This one is hers: “..the old adage that it’s important for girls to talk eye to eye but to talk to a guy it’s better to talk shoulder to shoulder. While you’re playing sport, walking somewhere or you’re setting up youth group stuff, work on something together. Talk to guys then so that it’s not as confrontational or uncomfortable.”

Talking shoulder-to-shoulder allows you to create rapport, relationship and respect for one another. Engaging in that kind of relationship gives you the opportunity to then talk eye-to-eye. Remember that as guys get older, they’ll be more willing to talk about deeper stuff – but don’t feel that you’re only being significant if you are having “deep & meaningful’s” all the time. Often with girls, you’ll be used to talking around and around and around whilst feeling like you’re getting nowhere. With boys, a few words at the right time can often take you miles. Being interested in what they’re interested in will make a huge difference – and you’ll sometimes be surprised. Not all meaningful ministry with boys is about football or girls! Sometimes it’s music, books, a particular subject that you have common ground on.

3. Find creative ways of working with the ‘important’ stuff – physical touch, playfulness, passion and word count.

So – physical touch and playfulness are really important parts of working with guys as they grow up! And then, there’s all the sexuality stuff. Some basic tips:

- Make space for healthy touch, by playing sports, games, get in amongst it. In addition, create some vocal cues for ‘impromptu’ rumbles and tag matches. If you’re able to encourage and be the whistle-blower (literally, give the signal that they have permission to create chaos for a few minutes), you’ll gain massive yards and lots of ‘fun’ in your relationship with your teenagers. Helps with the playfulness.

- When it comes to passion & sexuality – don’t ignore the subject, just because they’re male. Also – be really careful about presuppositions about adolescent male sexuality. The stereotypes are not all they’re cracked up to be, so LISTEN more than anything else. It’s a privilege to be able to speak about this stuff with guys, so honor that by letting them express their stories and thoughts as they are ready. You have a great position to be able to offer insight into female sexuality and it’s connection to love & relationships. Regardless of whether you’re single or married, the way you talk about sexuality with guys may differ than with girls, but it’s still the same content – healthy heart, healthy relationships, healthy sexuality. Don’t be distracted by the gender question. You’ll be amazed how much a little direct speaking will gain you in confidence and trust with guys.

- Word count. Women love to tell stories. It’s a stereotype but we generally have a tendency to communicate in narrative far more than men do. So – remember that mastering word count is key! Speak directly about the ideas you’re wanting to communicate. And often, the fewer words the better.

4. Dealing with infatuation, love & relationships.

TWhat happens if one of my students is physically inappropriate or has a crush on me? What if I develop feelings for a student/volunteer/youth pastor/mentor? What about dating and trying to start a new relationship? What if I’m the new girlfriend of the youth pastor?

- Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. You need to have healthy self-awareness and people to process that with (not volunteers!), as well as an observant eye for boundaries in other youth ministry relationships – students and other volunteers, students and yourself. But again, don’t be driven by the paranoia either. This is the exception, not the norm – so don’t let the fear of this stuff over-influence the direction and focus of your ministry. A good rule of thumb here is keep the main thing, the main thing.

- Don’t meet one-on-one in private – public places are great for those conversations (and you can totally meet with a male student or volunteer!). Make sure you have an open diary – document as much as you can, or feels reasonable and discuss this with your supervisor or lead pastor, so they know what your plan is. Transparency is key.

- When a student is physically inappropriate (holds a hug too long etc), what’s inappropriate is determined by YOU. Then you need to communicate it, but in a way that’s non-destructive to the relationship and especially non-humiliating to the teenager. Use humor to diffuse in public settings ie: “Hug…2….3…and release!”. Narrate it out loud. Or, if they’re super confident.. “Hey, I know I’m cute, but I’m outta your league!”

A story from a female youth pastor:

“If you think there’s something up ie: you or they are trying to spend a lot of time alone, txting late at night, you think about them overly much, they are making strange comments to you, looking at you funny – if you suspect you have a crush on them or vice versa – Warning!!!! Go talk to your supervisor asap, avoid deep personal conversations, always have a crowd around, don’t be a egg and talk to them about your feelings for them - you may as well shoot yourself in the foot. Be smart about technology as you should already as a professional youth worker – don’t private chat on Facebook, Twitter, MSN, txt. Sometimes it happens. You feel certain things – my advice is to live smart in the first place, but if you experience weird thoughts or feelings or do strange things -

1. Acknowledge it immediately to yourself.
2. Bring it into the light with a trusted professional supervisor.
3. And then keep going doing the amazing work you have been doing.

If you keep it hidden in the dark it will grow and make your life a misery, it will leave you with regrets and might even take you out of ministry. That is a scary place to be. I know I ‘ve been there. Several years ago when I was young and stupid I dated one of my youth leaders who was 4 years younger that me. It all started because I enjoyed the buzz that came when I started receiving daily txt messages from him. Instead of deleting them and talking to someone about how i was feeling, I went with the flow, txt turned to visits, turned to outings, turned to dating then to a romantic and unwisely physical relationship. I abused my role as a leader and carried the relationship on to its disastrous conclusion which left him broken and hurt. I felt unable to minister in that church,  I felt unworthy and rotten inside.”

- Be aware that when starting new relationships, dating or going through relationship trauma, you want to remember NOT to do your immediate processing with your young people. Often it’s helpful to share our lessons learned as reflections or insights, but moaning or rejoicing about your new relationship probably isn’t the best bet. Also – your students may be jealous or anxious about losing your attention as often you are a primary relationship in their life, regardless of whether you’re opposite gender. Be conscientious of how hostility, anxiety and fear might be expressed in your ministry and openly address those fears. Also, if you’re the partner of the youth pastor – you may face some jealousy on part of the students. Build unique relationships and be reassuring that students won’t “lose” their youth pastor.

- Especially as your students grow older, be conscious of helping them grow into great men. Advice on women, relationships, being straight-up about when they’re being a jerk, immature, getting smelly or when they’ve made you exceptionally proud are precious and great moments. In addition, the youth ministry relationship that grows into genuine friendship is priceless beyond compare and JUST as likely to happen with your teenage guys as with your teenage girls..

5. Can my youth ministry mentor be a guy?

This really depends on what you’re looking for from your mentoring relationships. There’s a lot of wisdom in looking for holistic mentors who can help you process all aspects of life – relationships, career, personal development, sexuality, work. It’s always great if you can find a same-sex mentor because it saves some effort and work and precautions.

However, 3 out of 4 of my greatest mentors in life have been men, really exceptional, Godly, trustworthy men. The So it’s been completely safe to establish mentoring relationships that were for specific purposes. So, if you have no options and you’re looking for skills-based professional development – a lot of the same boundaries rules apply – but this can work. One of the major things that makes this a winner or not – is whether or not you are a trustworthy woman. That means having transparency and good self-awareness, in case you are the one that crosses the boundaries!

Also – remember that some things are actually best processed with a professional counselor, therapist, psychiatrist or spiritual director. Don’t be afraid to look for the specific help you need.

6. This is worth it!

Seriously, this is worth it. It’s worth it to go through the tough stuff of being a female youth worker with guys. How the rewards come can be very different, but the outcome is still the same – young people who love Jesus and have meaningful faith in practice in their lives. Years on, I love the meaningful and close friendships I have with some of my graduated students, because you can make a difference and they’ll certainly let you know when you have.

There is some great stuff to have fun with.. rites of passage, boys weekends, lots of helping hands on deck for youth ministry camps and retreats (you can play the “girl” card for instant man-up factor!). Don’t be intimidated, just get educated both generally (read some books! have some conversations!) and specifically (analyze your specific youth group culture).

As always – when you get stuck, if you have questions or you learn something great along the way = shout it out to the other youth workers that are travelling the same path.

Now – I’d love to hear your stories!

This week we are knocking 25% off retail for our books and resources which are our top ten sellers at NYWC. Head over to the YS store and use coupon code YSTP10 to save 25% off retail on these hot titles:

1. The (un)Official Church Staff Manual
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3. Middle School Ministry
4. Wonder, Fear, and Longing
5. Relationships Unfiltered
6. Sacred Space
7. Shaped by the Story
8. How to Volunteer Like a Pro
9. Awaken Your Creativity
10. Following Jesus into College and Beyond

Offer expires November 13th at 6:00 PM PST.

Just like on every show this week we are featuring a tip and a word of encouragement. Our tip comes from Kara Powell of the Fuller Youth Institute. Kara talks about the stress that urban youth workers encounter as well as a couple of strategies for dealing with that stress. Next, Scott Rubin shares a setback experience he and his team recently dealt with. As always, we’d love to hear from you. Leave us a comment!

I am plagued with the disease of “Thinking-Too-Big”. If you share this problem- you understand the desire to take a giant problem/idea/thought/process for exactly what it is and solving it promptly. We see everything that affects, manipulates, and shapes the bigness of it. We believe we can move mountains because of the clarity of our “big picture”. Sometimes I believe thinking too big makes me oblivious to details- they are just too small to matter to the grand scheme of what we are thinking about.

I discovered not too long ago- that big problems start small. Life-changing situations in any part of life have to begin in small, unnoticed, decisions. How we transition from these significant events is our choice. Maybe you were given a pink-slip and are packing up your office- right now you have a choice on how you want to transition (you will delete all the files, take all the books, and the decorations you put up right?). Early on in ministry I transitioned stupidly (more than once). One situation was an internship where I felt micro-managed, undervalued, and disrespected on a regular basis so I did what 90% of us do in that situation. I turned on my computer to look at what else it out there- I found a job that made the grass look a lot greener. We know the drill. We submit a resume. Call in sick a Sunday or two to interview. We finally end with a 3-week notice that we are moving to another ministry. We give the “good-bye students” talk- we move on.

I believe transitions never begin nor end, but that we are constantly in a state of perpetual transition. I once spent 4 days in an internship in college and left a “break-up” note that I quit because I transitioned poorly into my next ministry. The litmus test for good or bad transitions are if you could walk back into the church or organization a month later, and not feel awkward. Some of our transitions have been years in the making- maybe we didn’t vet our current situation as well as we could have, maybe we sold ourselves and ignored some red-flags. Maybe you rebounded like I did and made a bad decision to move on before you explored and experienced the entire cycle of grief. Maybe like me you left while you were bargaining.

After talking to many youth-workers I have observed a lot of us transition in a stage of grief in response to a trauma or situation that was a point of compromise.

I goes like this:

Call into our Pastor’s office

• We are confronted and Shocked not sure what is happening.

• We try to avoid the inevitable (Denial), leave the meeting with frustrated expressions of bottled-up emotions (Anger) and begin looking for in vain for a way out (Bargaining).

• We rip ourselves apart and begin doubting our calling or qualifications (Depression).

• Eventually we start seeking solutions to what we see is the problem, like our job or supervisor. (Testing).

• We then move on. (Acceptance)

I had weeks where I would daily go through this process-my opinion and observation is that we go through this cycle enough about the same thing and we start looking for something better at BARGAINING, justify our depression with looking, interview and test our hypothesis of the problem and move on. The problem is we often move on too soon leaving everyone hurt.

This is on both sides of the street the one who leaves a position or the one who is letting someone go. Ironically it is two-sides to the very same coin.

The cycle of grief is right for healing- but many times in ministry we use it the wrong way. I have learned the hard way a few do’s and don’t s about transition:

1. DO have open, authentic, and transparent conversations about your emotions, and points of conflict in your work-place. (Matthew 18:15)
2. DO leave gracefully (I once wrote a letter to the next guy in my position in a word document on the pc in my office telling him how awful his new boss was). Please leave the office clean and orderly- take personal items- don’t take all the books- don’t delete all the files on the computer.
3. DON’T criticize the past. Don’t start a new position and join in on the parade of opinion about how off-track the last guy was. In every position I start, I try to call the guy who left (when it’s possible) to simply say- “I got your back, you did a great-job, you left a great team behind I won’t destroy what you built or criticize you”.
4. DO allow times for transition- don’t remove someone immediately from your ministry unless it was due to a moral failure. Youth Workers, partner with your church in finding the next person- churches partner with youth-workers to find their next place. I loved it when one senior pastor I knew went with his youth pastor on job interviews for other churches!
5. DO commission your staff to leave to their next opportunity- do it with a spirit of humility and grace.
6. DO more than the law requires. Give a great severance, give tons of time, write a great recommendation and coach the person up for success, go on interviews with them to other positions to explain the transition. Remember many church employees do not get unemployment benefits- give gracefully and accordingly, youth-workers please give a good amount of notice and be TEACHABLE, agreeable, graceful, and flexible.
7. DON’T take people with you. Gossip is never a good thing whether you were right or you were wronged. Gossip is when you are saying the right thing to the wrong persons or people. Being the reason why someone leaves a church isn’t a good feeling. Leave disagreements between you and your leader/organization/employee (remember Matthew 18)
8. DON’T use the phrase “We are moving in a different direction” it sounds like a nice way of saying “we have unresolvable issues and you’re not valuable enough to work it out”.
9. DO encourage and support unity of the church and staff- even when you don’t agree.
10. DO grieve and rely on the help and care of friends (outside of the church you are leaving) and do get coaching from mentors who believe in you.
11. DO trust the undeniable fact that only GOD can move men- churches and leadership don’t. He will ultimately provide for you.
12. DON’T make yourself a martyr and claim your experience as persecution. ( it may feel like it but you actually are not being crucified or burned at the stake.)
13. DO stay optimistic and positive.
14. DON’T blame “The Church”. The Church is a global body of Christ-followers of past, present and future- God’s bride did not do this to you- It may not make sense but it will be used for good
15. DO pray and ask to be prayed for.
16. DO make your transitions a season of reflection and growth.

What are some other “Do’s and Don’ts” you have discovered in ministry?

As one person whom I met over Mark Matlock’s speaker breakfast put it, “I come here to remind myself why I’m not quitting.”

The opening of the general session today illustrated the importance of this anchor of being in a community of others “who get me.” An attendee was interviewed and shared the heartbreak of their church recently losing their main youth worker to a tragic illness. You have a sense as such a story is shared that no one really knows how to respond to that, and yet you also know that everyone is responding… even if only by empathy. “We get it,” we somehow convey.

Maybe that’s why the video Lanny Donohoe showed cracked everyone up, or why the Skit Guys yet again found a way to help us find the natural humor in the Scriptures we hold so sacred. Or how the worship band is a group of “somebodies” who have chosen to be “nobodies” so that the spotlight is on Jesus as they sing, “Everlasting God,” “Jesus Messiah,” “Mighty To Save,” and “It’s All Because Of Jesus.”

This is when Margeret Feinberg began to share about a Shepherd who “gets us”:

• She shared about her experience in Alaska and what God began to do in her heart.
• She felt led to looking up concepts of  “sheep” and “shepherd.”
• We see the original conflict of Cain and Abel that it was over livestock versus the field. Moses’ story has the sheep component, too – all the way up to Jesus where shepherds were invited to the birth of God, the Lamb of God. And toward the end of Revelation
• “With hundreds and hundreds of references to sheep and shepherds in the Bible, I thought maybe I should spend more time with both.”
• A shepherd named Gwen showed me the landscape where she works and started to whisper to me because “at the very first sound of my voice, they will all come running.” And it was true, for her very first words were, “Sheep, sheep, sheep,” and they all came running.
• John 10:1-5
• Just as Gwen knew the unique characteristics of her flock, so does God know us and describe us this way (Psalm 139) Not only do the sheep hear the Shepherds voice, but the Shepherd hears their voices.
• Exodus 3/Numbers 13 – the spies don’t come back with any milk or honey, but grapes and produce.
• I asked a beekeeper why this is… she talked about how of the 50,000-70,000 bees there is a queen bee whose job it is to make babies all day long, every day. Then there is are bees who bring water to the hive, and others who use it to cool it. And then the guard bees who protect the hive, and the mortuary bees who remove the dead bees from the hive. The organizational structure of the beehive causes awe and wonder.
• When every one of us fulfills the role God has for us, sweetness can happen in this world.
• For any hive to overflow with honey, it requires everything to be working in its proper order. Every single bee fulfilling its proper role; the ecology of the land allows for it to happen; the proper order and timing of God’s hand has provided.
• If we look at the people God has entrusted to invest into and lay our lives down for His sake, we understand what happens when even one person does not do their part.
• John 15: I am the true vine…
• “I hear these ideas of pruning, and I fear God will come at me with a machete – and whack away at me – and trim me down to a stump.”
• “I learned that it is actually a small set of clippers that are used to finally prune the vine down so it can receive the right amount of sun and shade, nutrition and water, so it can give off the flavor it is intended to give.”
• We fill find that there will be days as we pour out into kids, that God is the Good Shepherd and nothing has escaped His notice; that we are to not get distracted from our task to bring forth sweetness in this world; that He is pruning us for eternal purposes and we must simply abide in Him.

One last thought…

I write this as a volunteer… someone who has been both back stage and in the crowd. I’ve seen the hands of people raised in worship and others who have collapsed into a thankful silence from all they have received; I’ve watched the camaraderie backstage among speakers and stage hands, and see lead worshippers come off the stage giddy that they got to praise God.

So in that context, I hope I believe I speak on behalf of everyone to tell God, YS, and Zondervan, “Thank you for choosing to ‘get us’ – because by being your sheep these NYWC days we can actually become the shepherds in the lives we go back to.”

After some updates from YS on convention opportunities in the future, the Skit Guys came out and shared their usual brand of humor.  This round it was a parody of Adam and Eve, involving a bad wig and hilarious lady-isms via Tommy’s satire of humanity’s first woman.  What’s amazing is how as a team they not only get the audience laughing, but they get people laughing so hard that they ends up laughing at themselves laughing.

The “message” tonight was innovative – a dramatic monologue written by Lanny Donohoe that encompassed many true stories he’s encountered over the years, acted out by Lisa Arrindell Anderson.  Her “African accent” was so spot on that it was easy to get lost in her story as if she was a true missionary.

Lisa’s character spoke as a teacher who was being interviewed by a student for a sociological experiment.  As she shared about her life growing up in an African village, she illustrated how a Compassion International sponsorship affected not only her family, but her entire village.  Eventually she placed her faith in Jesus, especially after witnessing the care that her sick mother received from the church.

The dramatization was underscored with real life pictures of Compassion kids.  Given the tremendous partnership YS has with global ministry, the photos really glued the drama together and brought it home for the audience.  It is a powerful thing to realize that someone in one country can impact someone in another country in ways they may never realize this side of heaven.

As the punchline of this interconnected story hung in the air, we were ushered into a time of worship through interconnected music that again was shared by all the leaders on stage.  A chorus of Amazing Grace… a verse of Come Thou Fount… the ending of Shout to the Lord… the start of Forever… bursts of Blessed Be Your Name, Majesty, and How Great Is Our God.

And I have to wonder – does YS plan this kind of thematic baton passing, from one speaker, artist, and element to another?  Or is God so involved with what is happening that not until a session is over does everyone realize how much He has blessed what’s happened?

With hearts tender to God, another rapid fire of interconnected speakers came up.

• Duffy Robbins: Sharing a humorous and highly relatable story of a kid who stole a toilet for… unique reasons… he revealed it was a story about himself and his youth pastor who came alongside of him. “He loved me, believed in me, and trusted me, and that’s why I’m here.”
• Candi Pearson: This lead worshipper offered a heartbreaking account of her brother getting sick and the intense journey her family went on to understand God in all of it.  It was the community that gathered around them that spoke to her in ways she didn’t expect.  “Sometimes we need tangible arms and audible words – flesh – Jesus with skin on… when you’re sitting in a hospital by yourself in your aloneness.”  The people of God helped His presence become tangible in many ways – from an apartment complex near the hospital offered for free to the furniture and food cards that were offered, the Church helped create normalcy in the midst of chaos. “September 9th, 2005, my brother stepped into eternity – but we could have not felt more cared for and encouraged and hopeful because of people like you who let us know they were following our story and praying for us… When God is not doing when we thought He should, people living this kind of stuff out reveals the Glory of God.”
• Shaun King: “I remember when a girl named Shawna came up to me and asked if I was ‘mixed’… I had no idea what that was.” Growing up in Kentucky, Shaun began to realize the challenge of people wanting him to decide if he was black OR white.  In high school he was bullied on a regular basis, and then one day was beat up by an angry mob of his peers.  It took three surgeries to repair his physical brokenness, but he was broken inside, too.   “I didn’t grow up in the church – I was the kid all the other kids invited to VBS – it didn’t work. I drank the Kool-Aid but didn’t want Jesus… I was suicidal… Then -my best friends’ dad came to visit me and didn’t really do anything that was overtly religious… I remember how much it meant to me. And the second time he came back he prayed with me and it meant the world for me, and I made it up in my mind that when I recovered I would go wherever he was at.”  Soon Shaun had given his life to Jesus and began to minister in His Name at even a young age… all because of that investment.
• Lisa Arrindell Anderson: “I always knew I wanted to be a performer.”  Her parent’s divorce at age 9 hit her hard… “All I wanted was for my mom to stop crying.”  In junior high a teacher invited her to audition for his drama club, and even though she felt she did a horrible job she was invited into it.  “One day this man turned to me and said, ‘You have to take yourself seriously.’ And he challenged me to audition for the college of performing arts.”  This spoke to her spiritually, too. “I knew about Jesus and believed in Him, but didn’t know Him. But I believe he put that teacher into my lfie to look me square in the eye.” When she finally got to Broadway at age 29, she invited her teacher and personally thanked him for his investment.  “I’m here because a teacher saw a gift inside of me and didn’t stand in my but cut a path for me to walk down.”
• Doug Fields: Doug spoke about his history as a youth worker of almost 30 years and how his favorite age group to work with – freshman guys – reminds him of his own journey into the church.  “As a 14 year old I wanted to be liked, and I wanted to have fun… I played sports, had terrible acne, and the truth was I was a follower and longing for an invitation.” A friend invited him to church, but once there left to talk to his friends.  As Doug stared at the pictures on the wall, an “old guy” in his late twenties approached him and struck up a friendship.  “And I came back the next week, and the old bald nice guy remembered my name.  He found out I was an athlete and came to my game.” Soon Doug was active in the youth group, from taking part in skits to hanging out in a mentoring relationship with his youth worker Jim.  His eyes communicated genuine care and interest, and finally Jim asked, “What do you think about all this Jesus stuff?”  Doug thought, “If you’re into Jesus, and Jesus will make me like you, then maybe I’m into Jesus.”  Jim gave Doug a Bible, and that week he began a journey of following Jesus Christ.  “He taught me that a follower can be a leader, and as I followed Jesus Christ, I became a leader… he saw something in me that I didn’t see in myself… it’s because of Jim, my youth pastor, that I’m here today.”
• Jared Herd: The son of a youth pastor, Jared was continually in awe of the people who would thank his dad for the investment he was making into kids’ lives. “Then one day the phone rang… and I heard ‘I’m the woman your father has been having an affar with.’  In a moment, my life and my image of my hero was completely shattered.”  High school was a completely awkward time; picking up the pieces of his life. He pursued all kinds of pathways of destruction trying to recover, and fortunately God knew that there would be people who could step into his story and speak into his life. “My freshman year of high school I completely walked away from the church… and someone came into my life and said, ‘I know you’ve counted yourself out, but I want you to know God hasn’t given up on you.’ This trend continued with other voices in his life, and then his senior year of high school he started to walk back toward Jesus.

The band closed out with the Matt Redman tune, “You Never Let Go.”  Given the great Story we’re all a part of, illustrated through the various slices shared tonight, that truth couldn’t be any clearer.  Every person is connected to one another because God never lets go of us personally and communally.  What an encouragement to youth workers!

Let’s take our lenses off and refocus on what worship really is again.

My pastor shared the following verse this morning about our roles as worshipers…

Romans 12:1 NLV – And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.

In essence, our worship… true worship, is offering our LIVES to God — every part of it.

Recently, as part of our effort to move students towards a broader and more biblical definition of worship in their lives, I shared a message titled “Worship: Why it Matters”.  Some of you may recognize that title as I, admittedly, stole all my points from Louie Giglio, the founder of Passion City Church and the 268 Generation.  (Listen to Mr. Giglio preach part 1 and part 2 of this message in it’s entirety here.)

I was listening to the Passion Message Podcast when I first heard it, and I knew that I wanted to share this with our students.  Our teenagers need to hear that worship matters because…

GOD IS WORTHY – There is a worship chorus going on right now that is bigger and even more brilliant than the U2 tour.  We can join in the anthem and be a part of worshiping the God who is, was, and will ALWAYS be worthy of our praise!  I hope that our ministries make much of God, and that we never tire of making His name famous in our student communities.

YOU ARE A WORSHIPER – Yes, everybody is worshiping SOMETHING or SOMEONE.  May we never get to the end of our lives and find that we were worshiping something much less than God.

THERE IS A WAR OVER YOUR WORSHIP – Satan’s an adversary and will do anything he can to chip away at God’s worth in our lives. That’s why people are bowing down to false gods all over the earth. They’ve been lied to and they’ve believed the lie.  Don’t fall into that trap!

WE BECOME WHAT WE WORSHIP – Have you ever seen a teenage boy completely change personalities because of a new girl in his life?  How about a young music fan changing his whole wardrobe for his favorite band or performing artist?  We need to watch what we worship because it’s a terrible thing to worship the wrong thing and then BECOME like what we have worshiped instead of being transformed into God’s likeness.

IT’S FUEL FOR THE SOUL – Okay, maybe this one’s about us (grin)… Worship matters because it keeps our spiritual selves alive.  King David actually talked to his soul, saying, “Why so downcast?” (Psalm 43:5).  When we worship with our lives, even through our darkest struggles, God honors that and pours life and direction into our spirit-man.

Thank you, Mr. Giglio, for the good reminder about what true worship is all about.

If you missed the original “It’s Not About Us” post, you can read it here.

That’s one thing I absolutely love about the unique style that YS “brings it” – they way they crack people up with laughter so life-changing truth can slide right in.

Next up were five ladies who were a part of a worship project called “Together.”  As Candi Pearson (one of the ladies) put it, “Our aim is to please God and reflect our unity in His Son and His grace.”  That exactly what happened, as all voices and hearts joined into Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone), and the ladies each took turns at swapping the verses with one another. Next, the song Agnus Dei took off and it felt like all the voices of those in room were soaring toward heaven – as if you could actually feel people releasing their burdens in a moment of abandonment.  Third in the line-up was a worship song I wasn’t familiar with – “From The Inside Out” (I believe) – that challenged “Let justice and praise become my embrace.”

Then, Liz Murray was up to share.  Known for her story that was made into the Lifetime movie “From Homeless To Harvard,” here are some slices to chew on:

• Some introduction: Liz confessed to being a bit nervous, sharing “I never intended to do public speaking in my life. I never thought I’d have a story to share with people… I felt like I had nothing worth sharing. You can’t plan on having a lifetime movie made about yourself – it took me by surprise.”  As a high school drop out, she began living on the streets of NYC, adding, “I have to remember that things are different now… The fact that I get to be here with you today is a gift… I’d gotten to such a dark place in my life because I’d given up on it.”

• The perspective of hindsight on her journey: “It dawned on me – the reason my story has relevance is because it’s not my story – it’s the story of anyone who has wanted to give up on themselves and had someone come into their life and made a difference into it. Most people can relate to a sense of resignation – of hope – of life…. People often call me a boot strapper – that “I’ve done what I’ve done with my life.” Nothing could be further from the truth.”

• Liz’ background as a child: (In the welfare community) we had the experience of watching our parents gets checks, and no one worked. As a kid, I didn’t know anyone had a job.  When I got to Harvard, I had some ‘cultural differences’ with my suite mates. Many families would use their welfare checks to pay the rent or buy groceries.  “Our parents were drug addicted. So what do you think they did with their welfare check?  We’d get the check and go to the drug spot.”  For us, it would be the first week of the month and the money was gone. The food was gone. And the question would be “How do we get to the end of the month?” As a child, you pay attention to how your parents solve problems… what they sacrifce, and how they indulge.  So we learned that the highest possibility in life is to learn to “survive” – the idea of doing well wasn’t even a consideration.
• The Bronx community. People fed us – took us inside.  We smelled the doors of people in our building who were cooking, and we’d knock and they’d let us in. But the last week of the month, no one had any money left and they’d stop answering their doors.  No one in my community was dealing with the bigger picture.  Try to imagine if you went home and didn’t take care of your trash for two months.  Or the windows are broken and the cold air comes in.  Eventually, your household implodes.

• Love will change someone’s life. I felt deeply loved by my parents. That’s surprising to many, but I didn’t have anger toward them for their drugs.  “That disease took my parents and ate them up from the inside out. They never meant to be the people they were at that time.” Nothing replaces the experience of seeing something first hand. I thought I was hungry, but then I realized Mom hadn’t eaten in days longer than I had.  I wanted a new coat, and then I saw how Dad’s sneakers were duct taped together.  “People can’t give you what they don’t have… They weren’t running off to be better parents to someone else during the day and then come back to stick it to us… before I went to bed, my mother would kiss me and tell me her kids were the best thing of her life.”

• The ripple of circumstances. When your parents don’t step up to the plate, there is a deep impact of loneliness.  “Have you ever been in a situation where you don’t recognize yourself? I knew this wasn’t supposed to be my life.” We have a sense that our lives are supposed to be better,  but it’s hard to summon up the courage to change it.  “I kept telling myself the lie of ‘later’” – that the conditions will create themselves for things to change on their own.

• Looking at the possibility of something more. Being in a Gothic phase, I would interview with schools and they would judge me when I walked in. In my heart, it felt like a brick wall – society was against me.  So I showed up to interviews closed off.  Someone gives you a look over, and you know what they’re thinking. I was rejected by so many places that I finally hit a breaking point. Standing in midtown, I thought, “I should ditch the interview and go get some pizza.” The “What if?” voice spoke to me- the part of you that dares to dream.  That came up so intensely, “What if you get it?”  There is no later. It’s gotta be now. I went off to the interview, got accepted, and met the most amazing person. You never know when you’re about to meet the most amazing person in your life. You’re almost at your knees, ready to give up, and then something changes.

• A new friend and a willing mentor. Perry was a teacher in NYC – I wish we had a photo of the two of us the day we met – a study in opposites.  I walked in with gothic clothes, and the man looked like he lived in the library.  You know when someone cares about you, just like you know when they don’t.  Perry created space for me, opened up, and told me, “Why don’t you trust me and tell me what’s going on?” When I finally did turn my chair and had the courage to look at him, and started to tell him my story, I saw that while he wasn’t crying I could see his eyes were glassy. I first thought he pitied me, but he turned to me and touched my arm and said, “You have a lot of work to do… are you willing to do that work?”  I never had someone address me that way – teachers would let me sleep.
• The challenge of a youth worker. Perry said, “I’ll give you what you’re asking for under one condition. You’re accepted to this school if I could mentor you.”  Will our school be a better place with you in it?  (Yes, sir) “Then you’re accepted.”  Sure enough – he wasn’t kidding.  All the days I was there, he’d challenge me and encourage me. “Do you want an A or not?  I’ll show you how to do it.  You’re going to work hard, right?”  I signed up for night school, morning class, independent studies, extracurriculars.

• Perry’s intentionality as a mentor. There’s a difference between setting a goal and living the reality. (i.e. Going to a gym, versyus actually going to a gym)  Perry was someone who helped me understand that difference.  Perry would say, “Hey you look like you want to have lunch with me.” And he’d give me his lunch hour. “As long as you’re willing to work, I’ll be with you till the sun comes up.”  As much as he was a part of my life, he had no idea I’d ride the subway back and forth for sleep. Maybe all that separates you from someone you look up to and admire, is the work they’ve done that you haven’t yet.

• The community that began to form around Liz. I found a scholarship opportunity in the N.Y. Times that asked me to “please attach a brief autobiographical essay involving any obstacles in your life.” All in one day, I walked into welfare to apply for food stamps, I walked into my Harvard interview to apply,and I walked into the NY Times.  The welfare appt was the only one that didn’t go well – the lady made fun of me.  At the NY Times, I didn’t know to be afraid.  There was a tray of pastries, and no one touched it. I took every last donut.  When they found out my story, they began to come around me and care for me.
• The public after going public. A group of us appeared on the cover of the Metro section of the NY Times, and I knew my secret was out, and Perry would read it.  I wish you could have seen that my community showed up on my first day at Harvard – dozens of people who read the article and showed up to help and give me brownies.  They said, “We only want to help.”  I thought, “Really?”  I didn’t know people could be good. These people were “angels” who showed up and pulled together money so we wouldn’t have to live on the street.  They built beds for us… we didn’t have to sleep another night on the street.  They taught me that angels are real.

• Implications for youth workers: The good news is you don’t have to solve the problem – you only have to do your part.  Perry said to me… “You’re the luckiest person I’ve ever met.”  I wondered – is it luck? Is it perseverance? Here’s what I believe: You put your best foot forward, and the universe responds. It’s faith in action – the angels show up. Perry said to me: “It was so easy, Liz. I had a mentor… and he had a mentor, and so on. A long time ago, someone helped someone, who helped someone else, who helped someone else, who helped me. And I helped you.”

My spin:

Liz really was compelling.  From the moment she began by asking, “Is anyone here afraid of public speaking? There is hope.”  Along those lines, she added, “Once you figure out what you want to say, the rest is easier.”

What is most intriguing about that to me is that while Liz has a message – one that received a standing ovation and an endless number of tears – she is on a journey.  Perhaps she’s aware of pieces of it.  Perhaps there are other components she’s only just now beginning to understand.  She nor her mentors are Christians… yet.  But you can feel her life asking questions in that direction, as if she is about to take a step of courage toward God.

Maybe that’s why Mark Matlock was the best person to come up and summarize a few thoughts at the end.  He put the arrowhead on the line she’d drawn and pointed it straight at Jesus.  Speaking of the hardships she faced, he illustrated how the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy – but Jesus came that we may have life to the full.

It’s important that we recognize this – that the people we put in front of students or those whom we receive our own insights from are all on a journey.  They can share in a book or a talk where they are at in one moment, but it is always so much more.  And when we look for God in every story, we understand how powerful it is to clearly show Christ for who He is – the hope of the world.

Or as Mark put it, we have a beautiful love to share with the world – the One who died on the cross for our sins.  His closing prayer: “For whatever reason, you choose to use us in the lives of these kids and we have no idea what you’re up to and what’s really going on in their lives.  God, you’ve shown us your love so we can show it to the world.  Please help us to be that salt and light in wherever you’ve placed us.”