Late Night at the Movie Emporium

Buster H. McHenry Presents...TELEVISION Episode 1

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 17:42:00 +0000

This is a new full length TV show or most likely new Web show, I made called BUSTER H. McHENRY PRESENTS...TELEVISION. This is the pilot episode and is not the complete final cut. This is just a preview of a possible show, I am going to make here and there. Click on the link and enjoy.

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Thank You.
Eli Osman

Episode 10 - Interview w/Andy Milligan

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 03:21:00 +0000

In this strange episode, Eli Osman interviews Andy Milligan, director of the 1989 film "The Weirdo". Eli chats with the director after a screening of "The Weirdo" at the OCAT Theatre in Portsmouth, Ohio. Enjoy.

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Episode 9 - Hastily Put Together Best of 2009 List

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 03:02:00 +0000

We are popping out episodes like gangbusters. In this episode, Eli Osman chats with Tucker Battrell from http://thiscoleslawmakesmesick.blogspot.com. They quickly put together their top ten favorite movies of 2009 and also discuss the best movie of 2010 and the rest of the willennium. Enjoy.

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What to look for in 2010. The Year Cinema Peaks.

BONUS SUPPLEMENT.

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 05:11:00 +0000

In September, Andrew Ford and I went to a B-Movie festival in Indiana. This is a special recording of our thoughts on that trip.

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ENJOY.
- ELI OSMAN

Episode 8 - Interview w/Bucksnort S. Bucksnort

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 04:52:00 +0000

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In this new episode in several months, Eli Osman interviews musician songwriter Bucksnort S. Bucksnort from Boise Idaho. They chat about music, influences, movies, and stories from the past. Enjoy.

Top 25 Films of 2009, Part III [Die Darkman Die]

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 16:32:00 +0000

In a year where there were this many great films - in such a variety of genres and whatnot - to single out 10 would have been impossible (hence all of the other lists). But if I had to pick 10...and clearly I did...THESE are indisputably THE 10. I have debated this list, re-arranged films over and over again until I finally just could not do it anymore. These are the films I enjoyed the most this year, the films I'll watch over and over again (and on Blu-Ray now that this is an option).

These are the films that were, and this is the year that was.

The Top 10 Films of 2009:

#10. Observe & Report (Dir. Jody Hill)

I love everything about this film. It was down to the wire, whether or not this film belonged in its current #10 slot or if it should be higher. Or even lower, the next couple of rungs on this list aren't too shabby. Eventually, it settled here at the bottom of the top, at #10. And, frankly, it just feels right to place it here. Somewhere between a lot of the prestigious awards-crop, the over-achieving blockbusters, and the pleasant surprises of the year on my list, there had to be a spot for an absolutely brilliant, vicious, and almost unremittingly DARK comedy. Although World's Greatest Dad made its case as THE dark comedy of the year, it ultimately just didn't have the sure directorial hand behind it that this film does.

And part of this just comes down to how much I LOVE Jody Hill. I was slightly underwhelmed by The Foot Fist Way at first glance, although upon further viewings it's held up nicely. And Eastbound & Down is, well, amazing, but this film may be his crowning achievement. What's refreshing about it isn't just its sense of humor, but rather its overall aesthetic. Hill uses a handful of what appear to be flubbed lines or botched takes, and just lets them roll on in a way that feels like improvisation, but isn't cut to seem nearly as polished or natural as it is in something like Knocked Up, or even Pineapple Express. In fact, often they're cut to appear deliberately awkward. The entire film has a sort of off-the-cuff feel to it that makes all of the dark humor hit that much harder. Not to mention, Hill is more than a touch accomplished when it comes to using musical cues in his films. Although there may be a handful too many, my face still lights up every time I hear McLusky's "Lightsaber Cocksucking Blues" start up.

What's most refreshing about this film for me is its anarchic sensibility. You've got this lead character in Ronnie Barnhardt (portrayed impeccably by Seth Rogen) who is absolutely obsessed with law and order in his mall, so, naturally, some of the best moments of the film are when he just lets loose. Such as when he and a never-better Michael Pena just bash the hell out of a bunch of skateboarders in the mall parking lot. Or when he takes on an entire department's worth of police officers as they try to force him to leave the mall. Or even at the end, when things finally start looking up and then we're struck with one of the most haunting visions from a year filled with more than its fair share: the overweight streaker running in slow-motion through the mall as Rogen chases him to the Pixies' overused-but-appropriate-here "Where Is My Mind."

The way that that sequence ends quite possibly got the biggest laugh from me out of any film released this year. And considering what's to come on my list (and some of the absolute dreck I've forced myself to sit through), this is nothing short of an accomplishment.

#9. Up in the Air (Dir. Jason Reitman)

This is a movie that does just about everything right. It proves Reitman can tell a layered, nuanced story in a way his previous films hinted at but never quite achieved (and the less said about Juno, the better), but more importantly, it proves that Reitman can bring some truly great, understated performances out of his actors, and that...really, he has something to say as a filmmaker.

In myriad interviews (or at least the one I heard), he mentions how he prefers to use all of his films to explore an issue without really coming down on either side of it, and I feel this film paints both sides of an admittedly oblique thematic conceit with much more depth and, again, nuance, than either of his previous films. Both stated their concerns too blatantly, laid out both sides of an issue too clearly, and seemed like they were trying too hard. Here, Reitman wisely relies on the performances of an excellent cast to bring things out of the material, rather than giving them lines to spout off or positions to take on either side. He shows a confidence in his material that's been absent from his two previous features, but ultimately could only have been acquired through the trial and error of those films.

This film shows that, for all of his earlier films' weaknesses, he's learned the right lessons and has taken, with this film, strides in the right direction towards correcting them. This isn't a perfect film - there are loose ends and false starts sprinkled throughout, but the film has the wisdom to end with some ambiguity, and send you out of the theater still thinking about it.

I'd be remiss not to mention just how many excellent supporting turns there are (Vera Farmiga, Anna Kendrick, Jason Bateman, Danny McBride, etc.), or the comparisons I've read of Reitman to someone like Sydney Pollack (which, surprisingly, aren't as unwarranted as they may seem), or how the audience erupted with knowing laughter when Sam Elliott showed up (well, the 7-8 other people that were in the theater liked it), or simply how fascinating it's been to watch Reitman grow as a filmmaker, seeing every one of his films in theaters (although Juno had the misfortune of following Walk Hard in a double-bill, a fate that would cripple many much stronger films). In its own particular way, this film's one of the most rewarding theatrical experiences of the year. It's the kind of film I haven't really seen in theaters since Sideways, and arguably its bittersweet tone is much more prescient than that film's was. Ultimately, it's the kind of film that more Oscar-bait should aspire to be. Reitman is living, breathing proof that more filmmakers should come from English-major backgrounds, because he knows character and he knows storytelling. There, I said it.

Also noteworthy? That opening credits sequence.

#8. Fantastic Mr. Fox (Dir. Wes Anderson)

Before the American Express commercials and his underwhelming Darjeeling Limited, there was a Wes Anderson who everyone could love. He made great films, that were frequently quite humorous, and though some of them - such as The Life Aquatic - had some strange tonal shifts, in the end, they were still the work of a singular, interesting filmmaker. And then he crafted what was ultimately a forgettable film with The Darjeeling Limited, and subsequently found himself in a position where he needed to work himself back into the good graces of film fans everywhere. And he did. With aplomb. With aplomb to spare, even!

This is a remarkable, warm little film. It's crafted with the attention to detail and endearing quirks of character Anderson is notorious for, and yet here it just feels fresher than it has in a long time. His explorations of family dynamics and upper-middle-class-intellectual-living seem suited in their own strange way to this tale of a family of foxes, and Anderson manages to craft some of his most memorable characters out of Jason Schwartzman's Ash - a bit of an outcast at school and at home, who struggles to prove himself at every turn, and his cousin Kristofferson - who's just...awesome in every way.

The animation style is perfect, and no doubt what we all expected from Wes Anderson, with its emphasis on the hand-crafted nature of stop-motion animation, but I don't think anyone expected it to feel this fresh or be this compulsively watchable. And, to top it all off, Anderson's soundtrack choices again prove to be an absolute stroke of genius (the soundtrack to the film is impeccable), even down to his casting - and stop-motion animation - of Pulp's own Jarvis Cocker as 'Petey.'

The film wasn't quite the box office success it could have been (perhaps audiences were more wary of auteur-helmed childrens' films after Where the Wild Things Are?), but I've no doubt this will become a perennial - perhaps even a Thanksgiving tradition. Regardless of its release date, it just feels right to watch this with a belly full of turkey and tryptophan slowly-but-surely inducing an afternoon's food coma, doesn't it? And I would be remiss were I not to mention before the end of this, um...treatise, of sorts, one of the finest moments in the film: Owen Wilson's description of everyone's favorite pastime, the immortal Whack-Bat. There have been few scenes committed to film that are as blissfully entertaining as that little gem.

#7. District 9 (Dir. Neill Blomkamp)

What did this cost - $30 million? $35 million? Let's double that for the extensive marketing budget, what is that, about $70 million? Now let's subtract any favors Peter Jackson might have asked his friends at WETA for, and let's say the budget skyrockets up to about $100 million, after marketing and with all favors marked back up to their original price. Hell, it might go from $35 to $100 on marketing alone, but that's beside the point. The point I'm making here is that, as great as it was that this film was allegedly 'cheap,' the film's greatest achievement is that it is, quite simply, GOOD. It doesn't matter how much it cost - Peter Jackson used what remained of his post-Lord of the Rings clout to bankroll a film for an unknown filmmaker with an unknown, non-actor, in the lead role. And he managed to, covertly, craft a $100-million-dollar investment package for Sony, which they thankfully bought hook, line, and sinker. It's as much a triumph of cleverly-worded proposals as it is true moxie.

But, regardless, this film is incredible. The best comment I've read anywhere about this film - likely the one that comes closest to what excites me most about it - comes from Massawyrm's list of the Best Films of 2009 (via Aintitcool), where this came in at the number one spot. His words:

"If you weren’t old enough for ALIEN or ROBOCOP or THE THING to melt your brain and become part of your DNA like it is with so many of us – this is what it felt like."

And the simple truth is: he's dead right. This film came out of nowhere, it is unapologetic genre fare at its most grimy and relentless extreme, and on top of that it's FUN, it's an insightful and subtle commentary on both immigration and apartheid, and it announces a major new talent that simply feels worthy of mentioning within the same breath as such genre luminaries as Ridley Scott or Paul Verhoeven or John Carpenter. And on top of all of this, it's not like any of us expected this film to deliver on this level, and if any of us did, we sure kept it to ourselves. It was the buzz coming out of its screening at Comic-Con, and the clever/inventive marketing blitz that built up this film to the opening weekend it had. And no, it didn't set the box office on fire - opening to about $30 million and then tripling that (and change) isn't exactly a shabby box office return, but it's hardly the makings of a phenomenon like The Hangover or The Blind Side (and, by the way, whoever greenlit those two films at Warner Bros. should be bathing in liquid gold right about now), but that doesn't change the fact that this film's success MEANS something. We're already getting more films bankrolled on the basis of technically-adept, effects-heavy short films (see: Sam Raimi and Mandate Pictures bankrolling a feature-film project for Federico Alvarez on the basis of HIS $500.00 short film, Panic Attack). This could be the new method studios will use to discover some of the genre filmmakers of the future.

But for all this film's grand meaning in the overall tapestry of film culture and worldwide box office returns, this film's greatest success in my opinion is that it features Guns That Make People Explode All Over the Place.

#6. A Serious Man (Dir. The Coen Brothers)

No one is as consistent as these guys. This is their third film in a row that has been as remarkably detailed and well-conceived as it is hilarious as it is depressing as it is thought-provoking. Granted, Burn After Reading was a bit of a lark - but nobody makes that kind of film as well as these guys. After No Country for Old Men, I thought they couldn't possibly make another movie THAT good. But they've come damn close two years in a row, and closest with this little gem of a film. Part of the time I find them maddening filmmakers, as their films - this one included - tend to be almost overly cerebral without any compassion for their characters, which I suppose makes them comparable to Hitchcock in that respect. But with this film, I feel like they've come closest to crafting something that's intelligent, while still being deeply compassionate towards its Job-like protagonist.

Yes, they put Michael Stuhlbarg's character, Larry Gopnik, through the ringer with this film. And I don't know if it's specifically his performance that does this or not, but you really feel for his character here. Here's a man who's really trying to just live a good life, and at every turn he's absolutely confounded by fate, or by God, and he just doesn't understand. He goes looking everywhere he can think of for help, but it's nowhere to be found. His brother, Arthur, is trying to compose an equation he refers to as 'The Mentaculus' that will solve everything, and his efforts - although somehow more practical - are equally futile.

And even at the end, the last time we see him he's heading to the hospital to pick up the results from a test we see conducted in the earliest frames of the film (again, the Coens are impeccable craftsmen), and his son is last seen outside of the school, heading with the other students to go back inside...and there's a tornado, bearing down on them both.

As haunting in its implications as their infamous ending for No Country (which I happen to LOVE), this film manages to match the sentiments of their earlier work with the density and biting humor of something like Barton Fink (which will likely prove their crowning achievement) to craft something wholly unlike any other film you've ever seen. And I haven't even mentioned the prologue of this film - which is arguably one of the finest scenes the Coens have ever crafted. Unfolding at a 1:33:1 ratio on the theater screen, an elderly Jewish couple in some European village sometime in the 19th century is visited by what the woman claims is a dybbuk, or an evil spirit (take THAT, The Unborn!). The husband doesn't quite believe her, but nonetheless, he's spooked. What unfolds afterwards is the film in microcosm, in a way only the Coens seem to be capable of expressing. This entire film is the story of a man struggling to come to terms with the unknown, and with it, the Coens have crafted yet another masterwork.

#5. Up (Dir. Pete Doctor)

They are now 3 for their last 3. Cars remains their only anomaly, but Pixar has gotten back on its feet after that minor disappointment to rattle off a hat trick of awesome with 2007's Ratatouille, last year's Wall-E, and this film (which could be their finest to date). The first 10-15 minutes of this film are absolutely devastating. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a robot. Never before have I so quickly been reduced to tears by a film. If some foolish person needed any more proof of Pixar's absolute mastery of visual storytelling after their work to date, look no further than here.

And though I feel this is their finest work to date, I can't pretend the film doesn't have abrupt tonal shifts (such as, let's say...from that opening to...the rest of the film), but they are all executed with a nuance and subtlety that the major tonal shift in the middle of last year's Wall-E simply wasn't. So they've figured out how to make their tonal shifts less abrupt, and I think it's safe to say they don't really have any other problems as storytellers. They are in a league of their own, at the head of the class, bar none, the finest and most consistent storytellers not just in animation but in filmmaking, period.

Although this film starts off with its entire audience silently weeping, the story that unfolds shortly thereafter is pure adventure, and frequently hilarious. Some of the jokes are executed a bit too on-the-nose, but they are few and far-between, and with the character of Dug ("I was hiding under your porch because I love you..."), they've crafted the most downright adorable and frequently hilarious character of the year. It's really difficult for me to think of anything I just don't really care for about this movie, as it gets everything right. After the slight tonal shift of the opening - which, really, if that's the only thing I can find to argue with in the entire film, I'd probably be better off commending their ambition for even attempting such a feat - this film just takes off, both literally and figuratively, and by the end we're left with the feeling of having gone on a remarkable adventure. This is what Disney used to do so well, and what Pixar has always done well. They really do make films you want to revisit over and over again.

Let me just boil this down to its basics. Pixar makes animated films, ostensibly for children, and somehow decided to make the lead character in this film a cranky, geriatric old man (who is most decidedly not a fan of flashdancing). They then spend the first ten minutes focusing on his lifelong relationship with his wife, and their inability to have a child, her sickness, and subsequent death. And THEN we get talking animals. For all of their merits, it's worth noting that the fine folk at Pixar also possess a pair of massive, brass balls.

#4. Star Trek (Dir. J.J. Abrams)

On paper, not only is this a film that shouldn't work. It flat out doesn't work at all. With plot holes massive enough to fly the Enterprise through, a relatively inexperienced filmmaker at the helm, and two of the three writers who brought us this summer's most empty entertainment delivery vessel, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen...not to mention that this film has the audacity to have a character named Captain James Tiberius Kirk who is NOT played by William Shatner. This film simply does not work at all, in any capacity, whatsoever, in perpetuity.

But it does work. Through the pure, alchemical filmmaking on display here, Abrams manages to not only prove his worth as a filmmaker, but to restore a sense of vitality to the entire blockbuster experience. I mean, not only is this film successful from an entertainment standpoint, its ramifications for the business are immense. Decades after the first blockbuster (Jaws or Star Wars, depending on which planets happen to be in retrograde), Hollywood was in sore need of being reminded just what blockbuster filmmaking was all about, and Abrams delivered. He revitalized Star Trek as a franchise, and - if I may be so bold - made the finest Star Trek film to date in the process.

If you haven't seen this movie yet, you have - it's literally every other blockbuster ever made, beginning with Star Wars in particular and then moving on down the line - but this film proves that getting rid of the blockbuster formula isn't the solution to the increasingly vapid summer entertainments we've been receiving. Sometimes you've just got to love the formula that much harder to get it to work for you. You can tell Abrams truly loves his job, and loves this material. There's even a major segment of the story that Abrams took out of the film in order for the film to 'be a better ride.' You know who else thinks of films primarily as amusement park rides? That'd be Steven Freaking Spielberg - who, regardless of his latter-day transgressions (Amistad, anyone?), is the King of the Blockbuster. For better or worse, he's even the reason I love movies (See: Jurassic Park), so let's just say I can think of worse people for Abrams to model his career on. I mean, had I seen this film when I was, like, 10? I mean, I geek out over it now (they're sky-diving in space! And the redshirt's in a red suit!!!) - but when I was 10? Forget about it. There are very few films that get me THIS excited about the possibilities of filmmaking.

And it had Tyler Perry in it! I mean, come on, people. If that doesn't do it for you at the end of the day, I don't know what does.

#3. The Hurt Locker (Dir. Kathryn Bigelow)

That this film was budged from its number one spot - which it had occupied since LAST January, when a festival screener copy leaked online - really shows just how awesome this year's crop of films has been. From what I can gather, this film premiered in September, 2008, at Toronto, only to be picked up by Summit and, inexplicably, held onto for a limited release this past summer. Now, I don't know about you, but I think this film certainly could have benefited from the marketing push given to other films from Toronto '08 like Slumdog Millionaire or The Wrestler, two films that are quite frankly inferior to this one, but I digress. The film didn't do so hot at the box office this summer, either. But it persisted. And it's emerged here, at the end of the year, as a front-runner for the Oscars. Based solely on its merits as a film.

I just want to make sure I'm able to illustrate how appreciative I am of this. In recent years, films like Zodiac and frequent-best-of-the-decade-list-topper Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind have received rave reviews in their spring releases, only to fall out of the Oscar races towards the end of the year. This film has been popping up on a massive number of critics' top 10 lists, and as we approach the Academy Awards, it's looking to be a shoe-in for one of the ten Best Picture slots, with Bigelow likely to get at the very least a nomination for director, and possibly even a win if her husband's 9-foot-tall-blue-cat-planet isn't somehow deemed more impressive by the Academy than her achievement here (because frankly, it isn't). I cannot tell you how frustrating it was to see such amazing films get pushed aside in favor of films like Atonement and Juno and - perhaps worst of all - the one-two punch of Million Dollar Baby/Finding Neverland from 2004.

So it's nice to see a truly great film get the respect it deserves at the end of the year. That's all. It's a little film about a bomb tech squad working in Iraq that's been compared to something like Henri-Georges Clouzot's The Wages of Fear (and rest assured, it stands on that film's shoulders), and it could cap off the decade in film by winning Best Picture at the Academy Awards. Don't we all need that, as a country? Or, at the very least, as film fans?

And a few words about Kathryn Bigelow before this entry draws to a close - first of all, THIS is the film she's been building up to making her entire career. Until this film, Near Dark was her crowning achievement - and for the longest time the last word on vampire films in general, and then Point Break came along - and we can all agree that film was remarkable in some way. After that, she made Strange Days, a film that somehow managed to survive Juliette Lewis, and then kept relatively quiet until 2002's K-19: The Widowmaker, which upon closer inspection seems like a dry-run of sorts for this flick, down to a handful of recognizable cast members. Okay, one cast member - the Chaplain from this film had a bit part in K-19.

In closing, this isn't a perfect film - its ending is a touch rushed, and not quite fully-realized - but it's an impeccably crafted thriller, and it is unquestionably Bigelow's finest film to date.

#2. In the Loop (Dir. Armando Iannucci)

This should come as no surprise to anyone I talked to over the summer, because right after I saw this film, I could not shut up about it. I love everything about this movie. It led me to the wonders of 1990s British television, which in turn led me to Chris Morris - who debuted on Armando Iannucci's first television show, The Day Today, and later would go on to create the format of comedy with his show, Brass Eye, that Sacha Baron Cohen would soon appropriate. In 2000, Morris seemed set on re-inventing comedy as David Lynch-esque horror show with the unsettling and frequently terrifying 'comedy' show Jam. And, of course, Iannucci had a hand in Steve Coogan's most recognized persona, Alan Partridge - and even did a handful of episodes of his own program, The Armando Iannucci Shows. So I essentially spent the entire summer falling in love with British sketch comedy and discovering just how far comedy itself could go, and that's all a result of this film. Which I have seen FIVE TIMES at this point, more than any other film on this list.

If you'd let me borrow five minutes of your time, I'd attempt to show you the beginning of this film and then implore you to watch the rest. This is the film on my list that I absolutely HAD to share with people. This is probably the only film on this list I could watch on repeat and not get sick of. Ladies and gentlemen, this film managed to catch me completely off-guard, and happened to cater to my own particular warped sensibilities so much that it even influenced me from a career perspective, as I've recently focused on writing satirical comedy rather than...well, anything else. In any other year, this film would be number one on the list, but I just couldn't quite give it the edge. If I have to be completely honest, there's about 5 jokes out of the 10,000 in this film that fall a bit flat. So I have to downgrade it from the funniest movie ever made to, simply, the most biting political satire since Dr. Strangelove.

And I simply cannot recommend it enough. I haven't even really begun to discuss its many assets - from Peter Capaldi's Malcolm Tucker, a character that has absolutely mastered the art of swearing, to Anna Chlumsky! from My Girl! In a small role! To James Gandolfini, perfectly cast as a general...well, I forget his name at the moment, we'll call him General Flintstone. This film is remarkable in every way. They even manage to make use of the wet blanket of a villain from the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels, Tom Hollander, as the closest thing to a protagonist the film really gives us, and he shows his true talents perhaps lie in comedy rather than half-baked villain-ry. And it would simply be irresponsible of me to not mention Steve Coogan, who absolutely KILLS it in a small role as a man concerned about the stability of a wall bordering his mothers' garden.

I cannot recommend this film enough, and would like to take the opportunity to mention that this film, The Hurt Locker, and Moon all reach DVD and Blu-Ray next Tuesday, on January 12th. So starting January 12th, none of you have any excuse. You all have the ability to better your lives immeasurably by checking out all of these films if you haven't already at a Blockbuster or Movie Gallery near you. Or possibly Netflix.

#1. Inglourious Basterds (Dir. Quentin Tarantino)

I had to do it. In case you haven't noticed during this entire year-end countdown, I love films and filmmaking And I think it's fairly clear that Tarantino also loves films and filmmaking. So it was inevitable that this would show up, and really the only logical conclusion once you reached #2 on the list. This could be the film of Tarantino's that is MOST in love with films and filmmaking, if that's possible. But this film also has the added benefit of not being indebted to Tarantino's favorite films. Sure, there are homages and references throughout - check Le Corbeau being placed on the marquee at Shoshanna's theater. Tarantino's well aware that film was produced by a German film company established at the beginning of their occupation of France, and that it nearly got its filmmaker, the apparently prolific Henri-Georges Clouzot, banned from directing in France ever again. And I could go on and on - from the overt references to the films of Leni Riefenstahl to the work of G.W. Pabst to the Hugo Stiglitz-inspired Wild Bunch flashback, to the bizarre-but-quite-excellent use of David Bowie's song written for Paul Schrader's 1980s remake of Cat People (which is not a particularly good film), it's just a given that you're going to get a lot of this when you go to see a film by Tarantino.

What's different here is that the homage and references don't seem at all to be the focus, as they were in his inferior half of Grindhouse, or in the Kill Bill films. Here, they seem more a means to an end. And what an end it is. Tarantino takes his precious time setting things up. Much has been made of the opening scene being 20+ minutes, but what of the rendezvous at the bar with Diane Kruger's Bridget Von Hammersmark? That's got to top out at close to 30 minutes, at least. Both scenes end with a flurry of violence Tarantino isn't interested in wallowing in, as he has in the past. He's not sneaking you past the slicing of the ear to show you the mangled cop's face, he's giving you the impact and the speed with which such violence occurs, with little of the end result. Not that there aren't lovingly-choreographed scalpings aplenty, or the face of the Fuhrer in close-up, being pounded by bullets into mush.

And the ending really is the most remarkable aspect of the whole film. Everything builds up to this. Tarantino spends the whole film raising the level of tension incrementally, punctuating it with short blasts of violence but never giving us the full impact until the ending. The ending is where everything comes together - all of the many disparate plot strands come to a head at the end, and Tarantino's gamble - that he'd really be able to pay off all of the built-up tension with this ending - pays off a hundred-fold. The Basterds' mission and Shoshanna's plan end up succeeding beyond any of their wildest hopes, World War II is brought to an end not solely through their efforts, but also through the assistance of one of Tarantino's most indelible creations, Colonel Hans Landa (Christoph Waltz - whose name is already engraved on the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor), and above it all is Shoshanna - lying dead in the projection room alongside a German war hero, her face projected cackling onto the smoke as it rises from the nitrate film prints that have long ago burnt through the screen. It's the grandest finale of the year, and, ultimately, the best film of the year as well.

Brad Pitt's final words in the film have been mentioned in nearly every review I've read thus far, with more than a handful of them declaring him correct in the implied sentiment, that this truly is Tarantino's masterpiece. Clearly, I'm inclined to agree.

______________________________

Films I have seen since beginning this list, and films I still have not seen:

Have Seen:
Big Fan (Dir. Robert Siegel) B+
The Girlfriend Experience (Dir. Steven Soderbergh) B-
Brothers (Dir. Jim Sheridan) C+
The Informers (Dir. Gregor Jordan) C-
Whiteout (Dir. Dominic Sena) D [This definitely would have made my Worst-of-the-Year List, truly horrendous]

Still Haven't Seen: The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, A Single Man, A Prophet, Love Exposure, Broken Embraces, Crazy Heart, The Messenger, Summer Hours, Still Walking, Gomorrah, Red Cliff, Tetro, Me and Orson Welles, Passing Strange, and...um, The Lovely Bones.

I'll post thoughts on those as they arrive on my hard drive/in a theater near me, whichever occurs first. A handful of these are already on my hard drive, actually. I don't believe Tetro has subtitles, though. Not sure if it needs them. So are the curiosities of illegal downloading as the last recourse of a man far too distant from any major metropolitan area. The whims of limited release schedules are the absolute bane of my existence.

I said earlier that I hoped this would be the last time I made one of these lists - or at least, the last time that I wrote this much for one. If it is, then so be it. I'm off to achieve some small measure of employment and lower my standard of living considerably in order to improve my morale somehow. I know, it sounds strange. It is.

- Andrew Ford

Top 25 Films of 2009, Part II [The Quickening]

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 03:20:00 +0000

Let's hope this feels canonical, or even approaches some half-hearted grasp at comprehension. Last year's list? A mere child's folly.

#20. Antichrist (Dir. Lars Von Trier)

[Disclaimer: For the love of God, do not Google-image-search the word 'Antichrist' by itself. Such hellish imaginings as populate the minds of serial murderers lie therein...]

It almost goes without saying that those with delicate sensibilities should steer clear of this one. Von Trier has made a film that - for its first hour - is an absolutely masterful horror film. His grasp of film language is evident, and his mastery of it is displayed over the bulk of this film's run-time. And then...things get tricky. I've seen the film twice now - once through an absolutely horrid, watermarked-all-to-hell transfer, and the other time through a masterful Japanese Blu-Ray rip. I think it's a bit of an understatement to say my opinions towards the film needed at least a second viewing to sort out. I still think it loses its way in its last half hour, which doesn't feature all that much violence and carnage, but what's there is condensed to its most effective bits (*shudder*) - but I think its first hour is MUCH stronger than I initially gave it credit for.

Again, this is not a film for everyone, but as the primal howl of an artist in torment (debatable), or as the ultimate practical joke executed by an egotistical filmmaker with complete command of his craft on his most adoring audience - the crowd at Cannes, and by extension, many other unsuspecting innocents (MUCH more likely), this film is equally successful and positively unforgettable. I'd argue that this film is simply impossible to love - but I'm afraid it's merely extremely difficult to love it after a couple of viewings. I don't know that I'll ever watch it again, but I'm also certain I'll never forget it. Rarely do films dare to garner such a visceral reaction from the viewer. This is what a so-called 'art-house horror film' HAD to be. One eventually had to be made (I'm sure some have been attempted...does Ingmar Bergman's Hour of the Wolf count?), and it had to be this divisive, this bold, this full of itself, and this impeccably crafted.

It is what it is, and its first hour is as strong as many films released this year. Even though I feel the film loses its way in its final moments, that doesn't change the fact that they moved me to revulsion and true terror as they unfolded. Few other horror films dare to be this provocative, and if only for that fact alone, Von Trier's achievement here is commendable.

#19. Crank 2: High Voltage (Dir. Neveldine/Taylor)

Goodbye, any credibility I may or may not have built up at this point. Let me begin by first saying that this film cannot but pale in comparison to its predecessor. Neveldine and Taylor were able to forge a particular type of alchemy with the original Crank that simply is not present here. Of course, this film has ample charm of its own. While the pacing may not be quite as breakneck as the first film, this film's still over before it feels like it's even started. It's MUCH more violent and over-the-top in a way that seems almost designed to weed out casual fans of the first one. And, to top it all off, we've got a wonderful little Lloyd Kaufman cameo as the coda to a sequence where Jason Statham turns into a Godzilla-sized man-in-suit monster for a fight scene in the middle of an electrical grid.

In case you haven't noticed at this point, or somehow know absolutely nothing about this film, it's worth noting the level of crazy this film operates on is absolutely remarkable. A sex scene in the middle of a horse racing track? A fake British chat-show dream sequence? A head, attached to wires, in what I can only presume is a vat of amniotic fluid? And the head TALKS? And it's SUBTITLED?!

The cameos are plenty (David Carradine, Geri Halliwell, Corey freaking Haim, Clifton Collins Jr., Bai Ling), and the entire film unfolds as some kind of X-rated Looney Tunes cartoon. Even the relatively major faults within this film (Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite's reprisal of what is essentially his character from the original, and his Full-Body Tourette's is absolutely PAINFUL to watch, and takes you completely out of the film every time it comes up) are ultimately glossed over by how freaking FUN it is. Not to mention the way in which the film was made, with possibly hundreds of tiny HD cameras utilized (and at times destroyed) to capture, in full 1080p, the wonders of human sushi and the kinetic energy of a body flying through a car windshield. That the shooting ratio for this film - shot in 29 days, mind you - was roughly equal to that of Apocalypse Now (!). I mean, everything about this film is inexplicable and all the more remarkable for it. It is perplexing that a major studio would even release a film like this, let alone finance it and call it a wise business decision. As film fans, it would simply be irresponsible of us NOT to be grateful for every single frame of this film.

I suppose I should express my disappointment in this film's lackluster take at the box office, but really, would we have it any other way?

#18. Collapse (Dir. Chris Smith)

What's remarkable about this film is how ambivalent you leave it feeling towards its subject, ex-Los Angeles police officer and creator of the From the Wilderness newsletter, Michael Ruppert. The picture he paints of our current economic situation and our reliance on foreign oil is terrifying in its implications, and yet...how credible as a source is this man? His reactions to many of Smith's questions regarding his legitimacy at least seem to be answered in a frank and honest manner, and oftentimes provide even more food for thought, as when Smith asks him point-blank what he thinks about people who label him a 'conspiracy-theorist.' To which he replies, "I don't deal in conspiracy theory. I deal in conspiracy fact."

Towards the end of the film, Ruppert's arguments take on a grim inevitability, as he rattles off economic facts and oil statistics, and then he just stops. He literally can't go on - and it just pulls the rug out from under the viewer. Smith ends his film focused more on the man than his message, and by the end we're left with a portrait of a wounded, frustrated man nearing the end of his life - a life he's spent struggling to get this message out. Whether or not this film is a warning of things to come - whether or not Ruppet is a man howling on the edge of the village to anyone who will listen about the coming maelstrom crowning over the horizon, this film is never less than riveting and, hands-down, the finest documentary film of this year.

I'm sorely tempted to link to this online, as it's highly unlikely it will be available through any other medium for several months, but I'll simply trust in whoever's reading this to - should they wish to see the film - know how to search it on Google.

#17. The Box (Dir. Richard Kelly)

I am well aware that I am in the minority on this one, but I find this film absolutely riveting from start to finish. I find the performances solid, I find the story intriguing, I find its structure maddening in the best possible way, and I find that I'm nowhere near as bothered that this film's reach exceeds its grasp as many other people seem to be. Kelly's film is remarkably complex, and at times ham-fisted in its earnestness, but I find something so endearing about its failures...it's kind of inexplicable, the affection I feel for this film.

I've literally placed this as high as I possibly could on the list while still being able to sleep soundly at night, but at the same time I'm not certain it doesn't belong higher, really. One thing that Kelly seems to be more interested in crafting than any other filmmaker is true mystery in his films. I can understand how this can be maddening to...most sane people, but I love the lengths he goes to, trying to keep vague and understated in his lofty ambition while remaining compelling and emotionally resonant. Can we not all agree, at this point in his career, that Kelly has at the very least demonstrated that he is second-to-none when it comes to utilizing songs in his films? He's learned every lesson properly from someone like Scorsese on perfect song choice and placement, and there are precious few other filmmakers capable of executing any one particular trait quite so well.

I haven't really talked about the plot of the film, such as it is. Kelly uses his plots as excuses to create atmosphere, and here there is plenty of it (aided immeasurably by an excellent original score from the Arcade Fire and Owen Pallett). The plot that is here is intriguing, and the premise - such as it is - fully realized, but I completely understand the problems people have with this movie. They are, almost perversely, the very things I love about it.

#16. Avatar (Dir. James Cameron)

We were promised many things in advance. That this film would be some sort of 'game-changer' and that it would absolutely revolutionize cinema. And, from the looks of its absolutely unreal box office performance, it could do just that - but it won't be purely because the effects are spectacular (and believe me, they are), but rather because the movie-going public has really responded to this movie. Is it because we've long been wanting to fetishize a fully-CG creature such as Ney'tiri, but have always had to claw our way out of the uncanny valley? I recall when Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within was released, what was one major method they used to promote the film? Photo spreads of its all-CG lead. In fact, that film has a lot of things in common with this one, but I digress...

The story isn't anything miraculous, but the world Cameron has created here is nothing short of remarkable in everything from its scale to its admittedly-1970s-van-art aesthetic. The technology, as well, is up to the task of telling this particular story in a way that would have been unfathomable over a decade ago, when Cameron had the original idea. While there are always plenty of people who will bemoan what could have been - and there are cases to be made for a much stronger film that was abandoned in service of this particular work, see Devin Faraci from CHUD's write-up of Project 880, Cameron's treatment, for starters - there's also something to be said for simply allowing what Cameron's ultimately deemed worth crafting to stand on its own. Additionally, it's not like we can't at this point expect the material from the treatment which was left out of the film (for what are most likely length-related concerns) to not be explored in one of the handful of sequels this property will surely birth, given its ridiculous box-office take to-date.

Evaluated on its own merits, and outside of its context as what Cameron promised would be a 'game-changer,' this film is solid even in spite of a handful of stumbles (dialogue in particular). And as a theatrical experience, it's quite difficult to make a case for it as anything other than not just one of the best offered this year, but one of the best ever crafted. It's not as if Cameron suddenly forgot how to shoot impeccable action sequences. This is the same man who made Aliens, he's going to deliver a fun, riveting experience at the movies. Perhaps the only detriment to this film is that it likely won't hold up on a home theater system, viewed outside of the 3-D environment for which it was specifically crafted.

#15. The White Ribbon (Dir. Michael Haneke)

This is a film I feel woefully unprepared to discuss in any intelligent manner without watching it at least a couple more times. While watching the film, I had a curious feeling that something was just...off, in some way. I love Haneke as a filmmaker, and at the start of this film it felt very much like it could unfold as a typical Haneke film. And, to a certain extent, I suppose it does, but it wasn't quite what I was expecting, and I spent most of the time waiting for the other shoe to drop.

What Haneke gives us here is a haunting film that, ostensibly, is meant to serve as some kind of exploration of how the seeds of evil are sown, and how, specifically, the children of this small town would grow up to become the perpetrators of World War II - highlighted by the end of the film, in which news of the beginning of World War I reaches the small town. This allows plenty of opportunity for Haneke to stage absolutely sublimely-shot sequences of violence, against man, horse AND cabbage - although much more effective are the sequences of violence he implies. As when a mentally-handicapped child from the village is discovered in the woods, near the end of the film, battered and nearly blinded. It speaks to Haneke's unique and invaluable gifts as a filmmaker that this film's stature in my mind has only grown in my mind since first viewing it.

Of all of the films in this Top 25, I could most easily see this film rising into the top 5 of my list with future viewings, but for now I can't in good conscience place it among that company. And I feel certain that part of my initial reaction was simply the mindset I was in when I viewed it - first thing in the morning, a bit sleepy and melancholy. This is a film that needs to be viewed in full possession of one's faculties, and with a mind prepared for an in-depth analysis of everything Haneke's putting on the screen.

In summation, I cannot recommend this film highly enough, and am possibly short-changing it even with that sentiment expressed.

#14. Police, Adjective (Dir. Corneliu Porumboiu)

This film is DRY. Its first FORTY minutes establish a tone that will frustrate as many as it intrigues. As you can probably tell by its placement on this list, I found the film to be an absolute blast from start-to-finish. Its deceptively simple tale of an individual attempting to subvert a rigorously-implemented system through what he at first believes to be simple, logical reasons - and comes to learn are, if anything, the exact opposite...is absolutely hilarious.

Modern Romanian Cinema is apparently entering its golden age of sorts, and of the three films I've seen (this, Porumboiu's equally-hilarious 12:08 East of Bucharest, and the impeccably-crafted but wholly depressing 4 Months, 3 Weeks, & 2 Days), this is quite possibly my favorite. Or, at least, the one I plan to watch the most.

This film's final scene sprawls over 25-30 minutes, if I'm not mistaken, and primarily in one shot. In this shot, the lead character is essentially shown the error of his ways in the most inexplicably mannered, rationally-presented, almost POLITE manner possible, and yet I was simply in awe as the scene built with every twist of the knife, every crisply-worded statement. When the police chief calls for a dictionary, I almost lost it. And yet, though I've mentioned how excellent the final scene is (and it's one of the absolute peaks of cinema this year, in my humble opinion), I can't come close to describing its cumulative effect - nor how engrossing I found the rest of the film to be. From the almost overly-long portions of the film following the lead as he tails a teenager suspected of dealing pot, to the long stretch where our lead character just stands, waiting for his subject to leave the house, in front of a wall upon which are graffitied the immortal words: JOHN and CENA. Everything about this film just clicks with me.

For fans of the Coen Brothers' sense of humor, and for adventurous fans of foreign cinema, this is an absolute must-see. Of course, this is also a film that I could easily see myself alone in loving, but I hope to introduce its loving, hilarious deconstruction of language to as many people as humanly possible and, in some small measure, make the world a better place.

#13. Adventureland (Dir. Greg Mottola)

Greg Mottola is quickly becoming one of my favorite filmmakers. After his first feature (the quite fine, tiny 90s indie The Daytrippers) failed to really garner him any additional offers, he toiled in television for a while before cashing in his Apatow connection (Mottola worked on several episodes of Undeclared) for a return to the big-screen, with one of the better Apatow-produced comedies, Superbad. And then, of course, Mottola gave the world the rare gift that is this film, a sweet, unsentimental coming-of-age comedy that is arguably the film I identify with more than any other from this year.

Everything about this film rings true, from the performances (Kristen Stewart proves she can act, but is clearly not much of a box-office draw), to the awkward humor, to its perfectly-realized atmosphere. Mottola has crafted with this film a small wonder. It manages to capture the awkwardness of these post-collegiate years with maturity and nuance, while never sacrificing any of the warmth Mottola clearly feels towards the characters. Even the most outsized personalities on display here (Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig's characters) have moments of true tenderness, and no character is left short-changed or presented in any way that rings remotely false.

I find myself in a similar situation to this film's protagonist - graduated with a pretty meaningless degree, soon to be forced into some sort of soul-crushing manual labor (if I'm lucky). Having worked in an amusement park before (however briefly), I even have my own personal "Rock Me, Amadeus" - and that is "A Charlie Brown Christmas." Good god, if I ever have to see that again, just shoot me now.

This film died a most-unceremonious death at the box office this spring, but it's destined to become a coming-of-age classic on par with American Graffiti or Dazed & Confused.

#12. Where the Wild Things Are (Dir. Spike Jonze)

I had to do the right thing. I had to see this film again after what was, hands-down, the worst theater-going experience of the year, and possibly in the top 10 worst theater-going experiences I have EVER had. Worse than when I got sick during the Last of the Dogmen trailer before Kazaam. Worse than the screening of 1408 with those chatty prepubescent bitches and their insufferable laser pointer. This theater-going disaster was frequented by such notables as "grandmother who misses a phone call, checks her messages, and calls her daughter-or-whatever back even though everything was covered in the message because I could hear it because the volume on her phone was all the way up because her aged ears don't work properly, oh, and by-the-way, your grandson's sitting next to you the entire time woman and you're not only ruining the movie for me, you're ruining the movie for him and possibly his life if this kind of behavior is indicative of how you treat him all of the time..." and the equally-notable, and possibly even more disruptive: "tourette's adult in the first row."

So, of course, I had to see this again - which I have, through means both illicit and somewhat defensible, given this film's release ended almost as soon as it began in most cities (not a crowd-pleaser). I have to say, it remains one of the wisest decisions I've made all year. Because, for everyone who will tell you that this film had them absolutely bawling from frame one, or that the film captured the true essence of what THEIR childhood was like...well, for me, it was more just...the humor. A lot of the humor does come from that "childs' perspective" of sorts - but simply the way that everything is presented once Max reaches the island [insert title of the film]. Nothing is questioned, however outrageous, and everything is gleefully bizarre and, well, hilarious. Not that these characters aren't presented with a depth of feeling and a warmth that belies a lot of the humor at first glance, which I think could be part of what's divided people so much on this particular film.

At the end of the day, I still feel the film's a touch too long and that its second half drags in a way its first absolutely doesn't, but that doesn't change the fact that this is a film many - including myself - will treasure for the rest of our lives. It is a film my generation will show their children (whether or not that's a wise decision is another issue altogether, as this film is often frightening in its particular, strangely unsettling way). But more than any of these things, it's a film that's truly something we haven't seen before. From the characters - a mix of practical effects and CGI that is absolutely seamless - to what I've been remarking upon this entire time: its overall tone. There simply are no other films like this one, and its final pair of scenes: Max leaving the island as the Wild Things howl after him into the sunset coupled with the briefest of codas when Max arrives home and watches his mother fall asleep - are as emotionally resonant and haunting as anything else I've seen in a cinema this year.

But seeing it in Nelsonville was a bad choice.

#11. Moon (Dir. Duncan Jones)

As nuanced in its execution as any other film on this list, this film also boasts one of Sam Rockwell's finest performances (although I'll always be partial to his immortal turn as Chuck Barris in Confessions of a Dangerous Mind). In a perfect, just world, this film would have garnered him some serious Oscar buzz, but, alas, despite the best efforts of the internet (Duncan Jones's Twitter account, @ManMadeMoon, has been stumping for Rockwell all year), I fear any accolades for Rockwell are once again to be sorely absent from this season's awards.

As a fan of science fiction and twisty, complex stories that are prepared to ask some serious thematic questions, I find this film absolutely stunning. In addition to this, its low-budget nature implores that I root for it. I mean, model work? How else are you going to film on the freaking moon with a $5 million dollar budget? And the film looks remarkable - you'd never know it was so cheap to make, and that's an absolute testament to the craft and passion that went into this project. And, of course, there's the simple fact that Duncan Jones here proves himself to be an immensely talented filmmaker.

Of course, to give away...anything, really, regarding the plot would do the film a great disservice, as the many pleasures of this film lie in its secrets, and the way the plot gradually unfolds. As I said in my honorable mentions, it's been a remarkable year for genre cinema - and particularly science fiction. This isn't the last sci-fi film on my list, but it is handily the most impressive in every respect. Given its resources and given its unproven talent, no one had any reason to expect as much from this film as it gave us. This was one of a handful of films I saw twice in theaters this year, and the second viewing was absolutely essential, as it confirmed that this wasn't simply a film reliant on its twists. So while I do refuse to divulge any major plot details, the film holds up even after the knowledge of what occurs in ways many twist-based films simply do not. This a testament to Sam Rockwell's performance, of course, but also to Duncan Jones' and screenwriter Nathan Parker's facility as storytellers and clear knowledge and respect for their films' science fiction forbears.

I'm prepared now to follow Duncan Jones wherever he goes, whatever he deigns to make. I was deeply saddened to learn funding had fallen through on his planned follow-up, Mute, but I feel certain that whatever he approaches next will reek of the same perfectionism and attention to detail with which he's crafted this most minor of sci-fi epics.

Nos. 10-1, to be posted sometime soon. In the next couple of days. Before the end of the week.

- Andrew Ford

Top 25 Films of the Year, Part I

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 18:29:00 +0000

I plan to post one of these a day, this post is Nos. 25-21, the next post will be Nos. 20-11, and the final post will be Nos. 10-1.

So, without further ado..

The Top 25 Films of 2009:

#25. Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (Dir. Phil Lord & Chris Miller)

One of the most fun, inventive films of the year. This movie is at least partially responsible for my almost-irrational hatred of Monster Vs. Aliens, as that film had to live up to the lofty standard set by THIS film due to my peculiar viewing habits and the whims of fate, and that film simply could never compare to this. Here, the star voices are obscured, the humor is inherent and integral to both the characters, the story, AND the themes - and above all else, this is also an excellent disaster movie! In a year when we may have been given what is, by any objective measure, the ULTIMATE disaster movie with Roland Emmerich's 2012, we also received what may, by any objective measure, be considered the BEST disaster movie.

In addition to its many charms already enumerated, this is also one of the funniest films of the year. It has a gleefully-deranged sense of humor that, particularly in several moments towards the end, almost verges on horrific (hint: chickens are involved). The source material, a beloved children's book, is really only used for its bare bones, the bulk of the plot and characters being crafted by the screenwriters, who also directed the film. Coming off of their work on CBS' How I Met Your Mother, and their animated series for MTV, Clone High, I think it's safe to say that Phil Lord & Chris Miller were an absolutely inspired choice for this material.

This film is an absolute treasure, and I'm fairly certain I love everything about it.

#24. Two Lovers (Dir. James Gray)

This is, without a doubt, a much stranger movie than I anticipated going in. First of all, you've got Joaquin Phoenix (in what is allegedly his final performance) playing a mentally unstable man-child of sorts who's recently gotten out of a long-term relationship, and moved back in with his parents. Then you have Vinessa Shaw (of Ladybugs and Hocus Pocus fame) playing one of his love interests - the daughter of a man looking to buy his father's business - and you have Gwyneth Paltrow playing a party girl who's clearly in need of some kind of new direction in her life.

What follows once these pieces are in play is never quite as maddening as it seems it should be, given how frequently Phoenix's character acts in ways that are almost indefensibly shallow and short-sighted. Yet we root for him because of Phoenix's understated performance. We root for him because - as evidenced by a strangely appropriate breakdancing scene early in the film - this is nothing more than a romantic fantasy. Its ending feels earned, and true to its characters, and the tone of the piece walks a tightrope between light-hearted and dour in a way that few other films attempt. Even fewer are the films that have captured the grief felt over the premature death of a relationship as well as this film does. It's Gray's surprisingly keen sense of character and place that, in the end, make this film the small wonder that it is.

Gray's We Own the Night (2007) was a film I found underwhelming overall, with flashes of brilliance in several key sequences. Two Lovers is a complete work, it is of a piece, and it is gorgeous in its simplicity.

#23. Drag Me To Hell (Dir. Sam Raimi)

For those wondering where this film was in the write-up on this year's noteworthy crop of horror films, it was right here the whole time! There are very few things I don't love about this movie. I love its abrupt but wholly appropriate ending. I love the glee this film takes in its cartoonish violence, and I love that Raimi's given us a protagonist that is very far from the perfect person she presents herself as. This is, at its heart, a morality tale - and oh, the glee that Raimi takes in pulling the rug out from under Alison Lohman's character, time and time again.

As fun as Evil Dead II, and even more refreshing in its own way - coming as it does on the heels of Raimi's mega-budget Spiderman trilogy, and before he returns to the franchise next year. This film lets the cooped-up, balls-out horror-comedy maestro flex his considerable muscle in the genre, and is an even more rewarding experience upon further viewings. I believe Patton Oswalt said in an interview for AV Club that people were even comparing this to Roman Polanski's Repulsion, of all things. I mean, that can't be right, can it? Maybe I should...just watch this again...

(Hint: This is one of the most eminently watchable films of the year, as well.)

#22. The Informant! (Dir. Steven Soderbergh)

Ah, Soderbergh. If there's any filmmaker I want to be, it would have to be you. On the heels of this year's micro-indie, The Girlfriend Experience (a film that's not too shabby itself), you rounded out your absurdly productive decade with one of your finest achievements to date. This film was sold as a straight-up comedy, but don't let that deceive you. Soderbergh's crafted a very subtle, surprisingly heartfelt version of a story that really is almost too surreal to be true. In that way, this film is similar to this year's Men Who Stare At Goats. Only this film remembers to take the time to, you know, create engaging characters and tell its story in a way that consistently keeps its audience guessing and interested, and doesn't feel like a guy describing it to you after too many beers and a full, four-course meal at your local Melting Pot restaurant.

Enough good things simply cannot be said about Matt Damon's performance here. It's easily his finest to date, and will shamefully be overlooked this awards season in favor of a handful of legitimately more impressive performances as well as a couple of clunkers whose films are, quite simply, being pushed harder for awards consideration by their studios. Additionally, this film is filled, top to bottom, with great performances, wonderful little cameos by a handful of your favorite comedians (Paul F. Tompkins, Patton Oswalt) and character actors (Scott Freaking Bakula, Tony Hale, Joel McHale). This film is an absolute smorgasbord of talent assembled to craft a wildly entertaining, frequently hilarious, and unexpectedly touching whistle-blowing thriller.

This film honestly cannot come out on DVD soon enough, as it seems like it was simply here-and-gone in theaters, and could have used a sooner DVD release date to help boost its chances during awards season. Soderbergh, I think I love you.

#21. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans (Dir. Werner Herzog)

The mere fact that this film exists is a Stone. Cold. Miracle. That Nicolas Cage was reminded he had to pay taxes just in time for this script to cross his agent's desk. That Werner Herzog decided to undertake some sort of genre exercise and found the prospect of shooting in a post-Hurricane Katrina New Orleans irresistible. That somebody, somewhere, had never before thought to utilize an iguana-cam shot in a film before. That, in this perverse alternate reality in which we must be living, the title Bad Lieutenant is actually supposed to encourage MORE people to see a film, and is somehow deemed wise from a business perspective.

This film is pure, unadulterated, joy (tempered with madness) on celluloid. The gods may not smile often upon we mere mortals, but the moment this film was greenlit, they were fucking BEAMING. Cage gives a crazy performance that is absolutely riveting from start-to-finish in a way he hasn't achieved since his Wicker Man remake. Herzog assembles an excellent ensemble cast - everyone from Brad Dourif to Val Kilmer to freaking Xzibit (you know, the rapper from that one Limp Bizkit song?), and never looks back. Iguana-cam. Iguana-cam! Are you kidding me? Fairuza Balk is sexier than Eva Mendes in this movie. Seriously. Down is up, people. If Cage and Herzog never meet again, it is surely only because they know such a pairing can only be cheapened through repetition.

That we live in a world crazy enough for this film to happen is not simply the reason I sleep soundly at night, it's the reason I dream.

** End of Part One **

Coming up in Part Two: An actual, honest-to-goodness documentary! People hurting each other in great detail! Big blue sexy cats! Evil monochromatic schoolchildren! A shout-out to John Cena! Furry party! Profound and possibly divinely-inspired nonsense! And more people hurting each other in great detail (some would say gratuitous)!

Same bat-time, same bat-place. I guess.

- Andrew Ford

The Top 25 Films of 2009: Honorable Mentions

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 16:23:00 +0000

Too Many Honorable Mentions:

Either I just saw too many movies this year, or this happened to be a particularly good year for film in general, but I'm quite literally going down my list from 26-50 to cull the honorable mentions. Last year, I composed a Top 15 because I just couldn't leave off a small handful of interesting, refreshing little films like Happy-Go-Lucky and...um, Ex-Drummer, but the breadth of genre cinema released this year was like manna from heaven. Last year's list was populated by a lot of smaller films, and what I've noticed this year is that mainstream films, more often than not, lived up to the hype. Last year, this was true of The Dark Knight and Wall-E. This year, I've got FOUR films in my top TEN that made at least $100 million at the box office. And this year, I've committed to finalizing a Top 25 list due to the fine crop of releases I've managed to see.

I'd be remiss in heralding the genuinely inventive genre offerings near the top of my list if I didn't provide an all-encompassing view of some of the more intriguing, lesser-known genre offerings of the year as well.

And let's just say, if you're surprised something isn't considered in one of these sub-categories...it's probably in the Top 25.

The Year in Horror

I LOVE horror films. They are the one genre of film I am, perversely, always in the mood to watch. That's right, moreso even than French cinema. Last year, we had a handful of solid, low-budget efforts such as Splinter, and the UK Miniseries, Dead Set (fast zombies and all).

Here's this year's crop:

Trick 'r Treat (Dir. Michael Dougherty)

Hands-down, the film on this list I'm most sore about leaving off of my Top 25, Dougherty adopts a Pulp Fiction-style approach to the anthology horror film (which, come to think of it, is more of a Black Sabbath approach, but I digress), and it works absolute wonders. Filled with pitch-black humor - and boasting one of the most instantly-iconic creations to hit the screen this year in 'Sam' - the film is only bogged down by its final segment, which drags a bit, and by a somewhat anticlimactic reveal of just what's under that brown sack. In spite of these faults, I can't help but whole-heartedly recommend this film, one of the Class of 2007 that was delayed ad infinitum and finally saw the light of day this year. Its delayed release is the most perplexing to me, because this is the kind of fun little horror film that could have killed the Saw series had it reached theaters. But then again, that happened anyway, I suppose.

Pontypool (Dir. Bruce McDonald)

A sleeper of a film, released to Video-On-Demand by IFC and slated to hit DVD on January 26th, I'm not really surprised more people didn't hear about this film, because its release was about as miniscule as they come. However, the film takes a very inventive concept (a zombie infection that spreads through speech and language), and an excellent setting to craft a throwback of sorts to something like The Twilight Zone. For fans of Rod Serling's most famous creation, the films of Val Lewton, or zombie films in general, this is the year's alternative to Zombieland. This is a film that relies on ideas rather than stunt cameos for its success, and I can't recommend this enough.

Other noteworthy horror films:

Paranormal Activity - not an unqualified success as a stand-alone film, but for what it stands for: the rise of marketing dollars behind micro-budget films that rely on imagination and creativity; the death of the Saw film series - this film is absolutely remarkable.

House of the Devil - Its ending is absolutely maddening to me (not the idea of it, merely the execution), but the first hour-plus of the film, before Ti West pulls the rug out from under his heroine, is an absolute marvel of throwback craft and old-fashioned, John Carpenter-esque, suspense that absolutely NAILS the execution.

I can't really throw a lot of support towards many of the horror films lower on my list, but I will say that a little French film named Martyrs left me shaken, a little film called A Perfect Getaway surprised me a good bit, and one of the handful of Ghost House Pictures, The Children, proved to be remarkably inventive (and not quite a remake of the original, as I had guessed). Oh, and there might be a couple in my Top 25, depending on how one defines 'horror.'

The Year In Sci-Fi

The first thing I did when the clock struck 11:00 (CST) last night was to pop in my Blu-Ray of 2001: A Space Odyssey. It's an understatement to say that the visuals are bold and breathtaking, and that the sound design is arguably the finest ever crafted, but what really struck me about the film watching it again were its absolutely massive IDEAS. That's one trait a lot of science fiction films this year shared - and even as a function of their minuscule budgets, it's the explorations of those big ideas that made the following films (and the ones in my Top 25) stand out.

Sleep Dealer (Dir. Alex Rivera)

Here is a film that was made for about as close to no-budget as you can get, and yet the effects that are there are cheap, but not distracting, and the ideas within the story are so intoxicating that it's impossible not to get caught up in this eerily-plausible future vision. There is a scene, early on, when the lead first 'plugs in' to operate a robot working on a building in San Diego, that the film just totally puts you there, and you share this strangely beautiful moment of discovery with the character. That's not just a great sci-fi moment, that's great filmmaking. Rivera is, hands-down, one of the most promising young filmmakers out there right now, and this film has been almost criminally overlooked. It's cheap on Amazon, where it's available on DVD and on Blu-Ray, and it's on Netflix as well. If you're a fan of sci-fi at all, I highly recommend you check it out.

Terminator: Salvation - here is a film that clearly aspired to a higher level of blockbuster filmmaking, but just because it failed at that doesn't mean it's not a wildly inventive, exceedingly well-produced example of B-movie entertainment at its finest, glossiest extreme. Lowered expectations work wonders for this film, and many of the action sequences are absolutely jaw-dropping.

Gamer - although, if anything, this film proves how polarizing Neveldine/Taylor can be, it's also propelled along with their specific, kinetic style of filmmaking in a way that absolutely saves their lackluster script, and elevates the film to the glorious B-movie stature it strives so earnestly to attain. Bonus points for Lloyd Kaufman's second cameo in one of their films this year.

Visioneers - this is a strange, absurdist dark comedy...kind of (?) film that...well, it's definitely worth checking out, for fans of Zack Galifianakis and for fans of...just strange films in-general. This film doesn't try to meet you halfway with its surreal, dystopian satire of modern middle-class living...although in a strange way it seems wrong to call it satire. One of the most inventive, under-the-rader films of the year. And it's available on Netflix Watch Instantly. So what have you got to lose?

Other, Non-Genre Specific Honorable Mentions

Sugar (Dir. Anna Boden & Ryan Fleck)

An absolutely wonderful, deceptively-simple little film about the only sport I love (baseball), executed with all due nuance by two extremely talented filmmakers whose previous film, Half Nelson, I absolutely LOVE (like, Best of the Decade Top 50 Love, folks). So really, the question isn't what was so great about this film, but rather where did it fall short, by my estimation? The sad fact is that I was only able to see this film once, and I'm certain a second viewing would only serve to raise its stature in my eyes. I felt there were some shifts towards the end the first time through that affected the pacing at the time, but in-general that's the kind of problem that I've found tends to fade upon further viewings. The AFI named it one of their 10 best of the year, and I'm fully behind that. Right now, for me, it's stuck at #26 on the pile.

An Education (Dir. Lone Scherfig)

This is the most recently-viewed film on my entire list, and in defense of its low position, I can only say that I weeded-out my Top 25 based on personal preference (although I guess that's kind of...the nature of it all, no?), and as well-executed as this film is (and believe me, it is an absolute joy to watch), at the end of the day, it's just not subject matter I'm inherently drawn to, and not something I feel I'm likely to watch multiple times - to examine its craft, or to lose myself in the world of its story. If a film's subject matter isn't a story I find inherently interesting, I'm often more bowled-over when a filmmaker overcomes my initial reticence to the topic with their technique or with a remarkably well-constructed script. At the end of the day, this is a film that is filled with excellent performances (particularly, it must be said, Carey Mulligan), that is paced to within an inch of its life, and that actually does boast an extremely clever, knowing script from novelist Nick Hornby, but...it doesn't quite get there for me. Although I have to recommend it as highly as any others on this list. It would be much higher on this list, had this been last year, or many other years, really, but there are a handful of films I absolutely couldn't budge - hence this MASSIVE Honorable Mentions post, and hence my defense of many of these films' placements.

World's Greatest Dad (Dir. Bobcat Goldthwait)

Much as I've wrestled with each film thus far mentioned as being left off of my list, this film's exclusion was particularly difficult, because this film conjures that fuzziest of emotions in me: pure, unadulterated, love and adoration. In this most pitch-black of comedies, Bobcat Goldthwait crafts a satire that is biting (if at times a bit clumsy), and Robin Williams gives the kind of wonderful performance that actually forgives a film like Old Dogs. This is a film whose themes are completely unusual, and refreshingly unconcerned with any kind of politically correct approach to such a sensitive issue...
And yet, I just can't reveal anything about it. This film is such a small miracle that to reveal its secrets would be tantamount to blasphemy. If you love dark comedies, if you can forgive the few minor missteps of an earnest film with something to say, and if you can find it your heart to give Robin Williams another chance after his myriad transgressions, I implore you - whoever is reading this - to seek this film out.

The Brothers Bloom (Dir. Rian Johnson)

I love Brick. I love everything about Brick, and I've found Rian Johnson's appearances on the Slashfilmcast nothing short of endearing, and yet I have my fair share of issues with this, his sophomore effort. It is impeccably well-directed, and the script is remarkably complex, layered with symbol and metaphor - much like the cons of the film's titular brothers - and yet, there's some small spark missing from the execution. Something felt off from the very beginning, with its Ricky Jay-narrated prologue (executed to much better effect in P.T. Anderson's Magnolia), and then it never quite manages to live up to my admittedly-lofty expectations for it. The still I've chosen is from one of the most carefully-composed shots from the film, in which Weisz is reflected in that mirror as she performs an extremely complex card trick, which she learned for the shot - and I suppose part of it could be that kind of formalistic excess (although I typically am a sucker for such formalistic excesses, and at least one of the films in my Top 25 is nothing more or less than a formalistic excess), and part of it could simply be that Johnson sounds an off note right at the start of the film and never quite recovers. Of all the films on this list, I feel a second viewing is most essential to cement my feelings for THIS film in particular.

Watchmen: Theatrical, Director's, & Ultimate Cuts (Director: Zack Snyder)

And here I end my Honorable Mentions with one of the most divisive films of the year. I've seen this film multiple times now. I saw it in theaters twice. I saw the Director's Cut when it came out. At this point, I've finished the Ultimate Cut as well - although I'd already seen both the now-incorporated Tales of the Black Freighter AND the documentary inspired by Hollis Mason's memoir, Under the Hood, which couldn't have really been incorporated into some longer cut, but stands apart as a very interesting curio, that still leaves me wanting more McHattie in the final cut of the film (McHattie's making a strong showing on this Honorable Mentions list with 2 mentions, and possibly a 3rd in the Top 25, if anyone can spot it).

I've sweated blood over this movie. Snyder is one of the most maddening filmmakers working right now - almost infuriatingly talented (or is he?), and able to make the kind of big-budget studio films most filmmakers would absolutely KILL for the opportunity to make, he was given about as much leeway as could have been fiscally defensible by Warner Bros. to make one of the most anticipated films of all-time, and in the end, he makes a film that is equal parts idiotic/misplaced excess, stubborn devotion to the text, and bracing, fractious brilliance (the scene when Dr. Manhattan arrives on Mars is one that never fails to send chills down my spine). Is this fated to be one of the most notorious missed opportunities ever, or is this simply the closest we'll ever be allowed to get to Brian De Palma's Watchmen (dig the relentless formalism, the excessive violence, and the curious emotional detachment from the story)?

The answers to this film's myriad issues are left unanswered by the unprecedented multiple cuts released in such rapid succession, and - in the end - we just have to settle for a film that frequently flirts with brilliance, before Malin Akerman shows up again, or before Snyder proves how surprisingly clueless he's become regarding soundtrack choices (oddly, one of the strengths of his Dawn of the Dead remake), or before the excessive-violence-as-satire simply becomes excessive violence for the sake of excessive violence...

There's arguably only one film this year that elicited this strong a reaction from me, and it's in my Top 25. So, I suppose there's something to be said for that.

The Final Few Honorable Mentions

The Cove - A bracing, unflinching look at an abhorrent situation, and a bold attempt to bring back Save the Whales. Although somehow, now I fear dolphins.

Coraline - One of those 'any-other-year-this-would-be-near-the-top' snubs that's impeccably crafted and as terrifying as any horror movie released this year.

Humpday - 'mumblecore' that manages to transcend its oft-insufferable origins through use of an intriguing premise and a pair of remarkable performances.

You, the Living - Somehow, less-assured than his masterpiece, Songs from the Second Floor, Roy Andersson's film is still frequently hilarious and oddly touching. And very dark.

The Road - A unique-but-muddled film that adds up to the sum of its parts, and nothing more. Not that that's a bad thing, necessarily. When the parts are as haunting and grimly gorgeous as they are here.

Anvil! The Story of Anvil! - Touching, heartwarming, and deserves bonus points for being the rare documentary to actually have an impact (Anvil's career is looking brighter than ever)

The Hangover - Sure, it's only as good as it is because of Zack Galifianakis. but it's a $300-million-dollar success starring Galifianakis as well (which is an absolute good thing). And it is, once it gets going, absolutely hilarious.

The Carter - a fascinating portrait of Lil Wayne, one of the strangest popular artists in recent memory. Yes, including Lady Gaga. Honestly, I don't find her that strange.

The Square - Yep, the one Harry Knowles went ape over. It's very good, and I could see future viewings improving it considerably, but right now it has to settle for being a surprisingly well-executed neo-noir, and an honorable mention.

Sherlock Holmes - A whole lot of fun, even if it's ultimately a touch inconsequential.

Goodbye Solo - Ramin Bahrani's previous effort, the incredible Chop Shop, proved a tough act to follow, but this is still one of the warmest, most engrossing works of the year.

Funny People - WAY too long, but frequently hilarious and ultimately a bit touching. Has all of the strengths of Apatow's earlier films, plus a few new weaknesses - and his growth as a filmmaker is evident.

Bronson - This film is entirely about the performance, and Tom Hardy's performance is LEGEND. I look forward to checking this out on Blu-Ray in the near future.

Ponyo - Miyazaki's latest skews a touch younger than some of his other works, but there's no denying his unparalleled ability to conjure such childlike whimsy and wonder out of thin air. Cements his status as a master, but amongst such a strong crop of animated films this year it unfortunately got a bit lost in the shuffle.

Knowing - One of the strangest, most perplexing studio efforts of recent memory. A film that's not afraid to ask enormous questions only to provide answers that equate angels with UFOs, and present us with a fiery vision of the end of the the world. And it's Nicolas Cage. This Year-End round-up hasn't seen the last of him.

So, um...there you have it. Keep an eye out for My Top 25 list, arriving in the near future. And Happy New Year, everyone!

- Andrew Ford

The 10 Worst Films of 2009 & (Dis)Honorable Mentions.

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 01:35:00 +0000

It's that time of year again. There's still about a dozen films I haven't seen - many of which I'm simply unable TO see. Nevertheless, there's something to be said for comprehensiveness. At the end of this year, we're looking at a whopping 123 releases that I have seen (this is out of a recorded 342, mind you, and with many more still to be seen).

A handful of these are straight-to-DVD releases that may have played festivals in previous years, and perhaps even received a limited theatrical release by the end of 2008. Regardless, I wasn't able to see any of these films by any means, conventional or otherwise, in 2008, so they've ended up on this list.

As always, there are plenty of films I haven't seen simply because I. Am. Not. Interested. And there's an additional handful of films I'm quite interested in, that I'm certain will have no real bearing upon this list.

With that said, let the countdown begin:

#10. Friday the 13th (Dir. Marcus Nispel)

That's right. Here is a film that fails even to match the low standards set by the series PRIOR to this past February. Here is a film that displays a keen failure on the part of Nispel, on the part of the screenwriters, and on the part of the producers (the enemies of all things sacred: Platinum Dunes) to grasp what it is that makes the Friday the 13th series so gosh-darn wonderful. Nispel had already displayed a general disdain for/ignorance towards an absolute horror masterpiece with his 2003 remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, so I suppose it was foolish to hope he'd approach a remake of a far less prestigious horror film with anything other than more of the same, but a hint of nuance would have been nice.
The film starts off promising, honestly. I was on board with the film through the opening title card. I thought it was a ballsy move on the part of the filmmakers, I really did. And then the rest of the film showed up, and - although I maintain that the Friday the 13th genre simply CANNOT be ruined - Marcus Nispel tried his damnedest to ruin it.

See instead: January's My Bloody Valentine 3-D plays up the camp inherent in its 3-D gimmick, and delivers plenty of fun whilst never taking itself too seriously and simply realizing that it could not approach the atmospheric and eerie nature of the original. It also got the original cut of its predecessor released on DVD at long last, with the excised gore scenes intact. So there's that.

#9. The Final Destination 3-D (Dir. David R. Ellis)

How do you take a concept seemingly tailor-made for 3-D and ruin it? If your answer was 'hire the director behind the most successful installment of the series to date,' then I'd be surprised. And yet, that's exactly what Ellis did. 'Death Saved the Best for Last'? Nice try, but no dice.

See instead: Halloween II. See it because it's completely, bug-fuck insane from beginning-to-end, but expect all of Zombie's trademark redneck-isms to not only remain intact, but to be dialed up to 11. What's shameful is that he HAS such evident talent, and he's saddled it with such awful material. Nevertheless, this film - despite its flaws - is well worth checking out. Just don't pay too much to see it.

#8. The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (Dir. Neal Brennan)

Craig Robinson can't even save this movie, despite appearing as a character named DJ Request (who does not take requests). One of the most painfully un-funny comedies in recent memory.

See instead: Land of the Lost. Though the film is decidedly not family-friendly, this is the kind of film I could see myself watching over and over again as a child. The filmic equivalent of junk food cereal and Saturday morning cartoons, this film certainly didn't deserve to bomb at the box office like it did.

#7. Monsters Vs. Aliens (Dir. Rob Letterman, Conrad Vernon)

I know what you're thinking - there's NO WAY it was that bad! Here I appear to be in the minority, but I simply could not tolerate the film from the first minute. There are no characters, there's no real story, and the entire animation aesthetic feels just...off. What should have been a delightful throwback to 1950s schlocky sci-fi B-movies, simply...isn't.

See instead: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, because it is the best 1980s blockbuster throwback since the 1980s, and even though its characters are the most broad archetypes imaginable, they're still characters, there's still some sort of story here, and there's a plethora of fun visual effects work on display.

#6. Cold Souls (Dir. Sophie Barthes)

Yeesh. Where do I begin. The Most Tedious Film of the Year. Not energetic enough to be truly awful, and not decisive enough to have anything to say, this film wastes considerable resources doing and saying nothing of any interest. The most cold, empty film in recent memory.

See instead: Visioneers. Both films are tiny indies with heady concepts executable on a low-budget, but Visioneers is much better at playing its premise for subtle laughs, and utilizes its also-excellent cast MUCH better than Cold Souls.

#5. Paper Heart (Dir. Nicolas Jasenovec)

A film about love made by people who could not be more naive or ignorant on the topic for people who are callow enough to listen to them. Personal vendetta aside ($12.50 spent on a ticket to this at the Angelika in New York!), the film is a mess that attempts to overcome its flaws with unconscionable levels of whimsy. This is the most insufferably precocious film of the year, potentially of all time.

See instead: (500) Days of Summer. Because next to Paper Heart, this film is a freaking paean to nuance and wisdom. Though I'm not terribly in love with the film, it literally does everything Paper Heart is trying to do, only better. An infinitely superior film covering like subject matter.

#4. Miss March (Dir. Zach Cregger, Trever Moore)

The Whitest Kids U Know are a clever sketch comedy troupe, and many of their sketches are quite humorous. I enjoy sharing many of their works with my friends, and find the two who made this film to be quite enjoyable in the videos in which they appear.
The only reason this isn't the worst film of the year is because, for some perverse reason, I have a soft spot for lame 1980s sex comedies. This is a throwback in the worst possible way, but it's still a throwback.
Craig Robinson cannot save this film, either, despite appearing as a character named Horsedick(.mpeg).

See instead: Jennifer's Body. Because the dialogue isn't quite as oppressively stylized as it was in the beginning of Juno. Because this is nowhere near as bad as you've likely been led to believe. And because this is a throwback to 1980s horror-comedies that manages to acutely recall their charms. And seriously, I say this as someone who's not the biggest Diablo Cody fan in the world and simply cannot watch The United States of Tara, her critically-revered show on Showtime, primarily because of the dialogue. This film is much better than it has any right to be, and deserves much better than the critical drubbing it received.

#3. All About Steve (Dir. Phil Trail)

I had no right seeing this movie, but Thomas Haden Church was in the film and I foolishly hoped he would salvage the film in some small way (and his scenes in the film are undoubtedly the most interesting). I was foolish to expect anything better than this. Sandra Bullock's other two films this year were surprisingly affable. This film is the absolute opposite of those, and is to be avoided at all cost.

See instead: The Proposal. Expect this film to pop up on Guilty Pleasures lists in the future by the dozens. In a perfect world, Betty White would be nominated for Best Supporting Actress. Put simply, this film is the reason I have a soft spot for romantic comedies. It's predictable, and no different from any other romantic comedy in any respect whatsoever...and yet, it works.

#2. The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Dir. Chris Weitz)

This film is bad on an epic scale, and for many reasons - but it avoids #1 because the worst film of the year is objectively the worst film of the year.
In addition to this, this film does give an independent studio with a track record for releasing interesting films by less-bankable filmmakers (such as Terrence Malick's upcoming Tree of Life, and Kathryn Bigelow's The Hurt Locker) more than enough extra capital to continue doing just that - and perhaps even money to begin marketing said films to bigger box office returns. So there's the up-side.
But this film is bad because 1) It allows Chris Weitz to shoot his mouth off at the now-defunct New Line Cinema - and however well-founded his accusations may be, they're just obnoxious. We know they didn't release YOUR CUT of The Golden Compass, and we've known that for a while. Perhaps you've had a rough time since that film sunk the studio, but you've managed to get work and at this point you're just being a bad sport. But I digress.
2) These films absolutely ruin vampires in every conceivable way, and are ultimately detrimental to our culture in much the same way a film like Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is, as well.
The silver lining to this film's release and success? Taylor Lautner appears to be a pretty solid actor - affable enough, and probably more talented than I'm giving him credit for here, as he's survived the Twilight Saga to date.

See instead: Thirst. While not an unqualified success, Park Chan-Wook's latest brings everything one would expect the director of Oldboy to bring to a no-holds-barred vampire love story. This film is viciously violent, hopelessly romantic, and almost sadistically funny. There's nothing quite like it, and it stands comfortably alongside some of the more refreshing takes on the vampire genre in recent memory.

#1. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li (Dir. Andrzej Bartkowiak)

Objectively, this is the worst film of the year. On a fundamental level - even in spite of Chris Klein's scenery-mastication every second he's in the frame - this film simply fails in every. single. respect. No film did more wrong more often than this film. This film is more offensively bad than New Moon, the characters more obnoxious than All About Steve, the aesthetic less inventive than Miss March, its thematic weight even lighter than Paper Heart, its cast less utilized than Cold Souls (although MUCH less promising in advance), its attempts to be a throw-back to the genre films of yesteryear less successful than Monsters Vs. Aliens, its awkward attempts at humor LESS funny than The Goods, its pedigree (renowned cinematographer Andrzej Bartkowiak behind the camera, directing) more misleading than The Final Destination 3-D, and its fundamental misunderstanding of what exactly is appealing about its source material more egregious than even Marcus Nispel's remake/reboot of Friday the 13th. Categorically, this is the worst film of the year. Bad on an historic level.

See instead: The Other Nine Films On This List.

And now, the (Dis)Honorable Mentions:

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past - not substantial enough to earn my undying hatred, and actually contains one laugh-out-loud moment!

Dead Snow - More disappointing than anything, I was expecting something slightly less smugly sure of itself and more of a throw-back to an atmospheric or satiric zombie flick.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - Its absence on the list of the 10 worst films of this year primarily illustrates my faults as a human being. I can't help but love watching giant robots fighting each other, even if I can't tell HOW exactly they're doing it. The film may be more than a touch racist, but it's subtle compared to...I dunno, Birth of a Nation or something. Everybody seems to like that movie okay.

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian - Nothing overtly awful, just kind of dull and uninteresting. The first film had moments where I actually enjoyed myself, this one just felt tired.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop - It's basically Die Hard, for kids, in a mall. All it really did was hurt the box office for Observe & Report, but that doesn't mean anything for future Jody Hill films because Hill, Danny McBride, and David Gordon Green have set up their own production shingle. So, really, this film was just a surprisingly successful effort and, really, everyone involved should furiously pat themselves on the back for a job well-done.

And here's a handful of almost painfully mediocre films that are nothing more or less than they promise:

The Men Who Stare At Goats - wastes a great story with a lackluster script.
The Surrogates - too slight to amount to anything.
Push - interesting setting, lacks any sense of urgency.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine - could have been written by a child (or the monkey from Congo)
9 - extremely disappointing story-wise, at least it features some brilliant animation.

Those are essentially the most mediocre films of the year, rounding out 20 of the worst.

There'll be much more decade stuff, and much more end-of-the-year stuff, but this will be it for tonight. There's a revolution going on Iran, and I have about 20-30 more films to finish before culling together a Best Films of 2009 list that even approaches comprehensiveness.

-Andrew Ford

The Decade That Was, Part I: [Thoughts] & My Decade of Flopsnullnullnull

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:23:00 +0000

When this decade began, I was 11.

From what I can gather, this wasn't one of our better decades as a country. We ended up in a war for reasons that are dubious at best. We were the victims of a major terrorist attack, as well as the vindictive bitch-in-heat fury of Mother Nature. We literally only HALF-elected a president twice in a row who did more harm to this country and its image abroad than even the most cynical of political pundits could possibly have foreseen.

You know, context clues.

Of course it was a great decade for film. Out of adversity come great works, and in addition to the excellent batch of films we received this decade, technology made it feasible to enjoy them in the comfort of your own home in equal-or-greater quality than you could get in a theater. It was the age of the collector, it was the age of the DVD (and partially the Blu-Ray disc).

I bought my first DVD on my birthday in 2000 (Scream 3).

The illustrious first batch of DVDs was a grab-bag, but I remember vividly watching Gladiator for the first time that Christmas. I remember the old DVD player that I left hooked up wrong for nearly a year, where the picture would dim and then brighten, off-and-on, throughout the film, until I figured out how to hook it up properly.

And I suppose I could detail the discovery of every single film that lead me to pursue filmmaking as a potential career. Everything from my worn-out VHS copy of The Mummy (1999) to discovering Band of Outsiders my freshman year of college and literally standing up during the famous dancing scene in the cafe, where the music goes out and our narrator speaks, but we're also able to hear our characters still snapping in time with the song. I can't do it justice with words...

It may not seem so special now, but back in 2006, this was unlike anything I'd ever seen - and in such a simple way. Such a simple idea, well-executed. Godard opened me up to the language of cinema - regardless of the rest of his body of work, I owe him so much simply because of this one scene. Sure, Breathless and Contempt are masterpieces - particularly Contempt, but there's nothing like that first glimpse of his inimitable style. And for me, that happened to be with this film.

But I'm not here to discuss films past - I'm here as prelude to a discussion of films much more recent. I'm here to talk about this decade in film. It was a decade where I was discovering the classics alongside the films released every weekend. An average Friday night spent at home on Winter Break my Freshman year of college would consist of a triple-bill of The Rules of The Game, Wild Strawberries, and Rashomon on TCM - and a Saturday afternoon spent downloading the Oscar screener of Children of Men.

Which brings me to the internet, of course. Illegal downloading is frown-able-upon, I suppose - and I'm not even going to pretend I don't engage in it to an almost absurd degree - but if anyone can let me know how to contact the rights-holders of Inchon, I'll gladly get in touch with them in order to smooth out the legal issues concerning a DVD release. Until that time, however, I'll stick with my digital copy with out-of-sync audio that was recorded off of the now-defunct Moonie television network.

To close out this post, I'm going to list 10 ambitious flops from this decade that are actually worth checking out. Some of these, not all of these, are covered by Nathan Rabin's My Year of Flops articles on the A.V. Club. In these cases, I will link to said articles - because in a handful of cases, they're how I discovered the films.

#1. Southland Tales (2006)

You knew this was coming.

Also, what a gorgeous freaking poster, no?

Southland Tales, My Year of Flops - by Nathan Rabin.

I'll keep things brief, as Rabin's article is top-notch, but let's just say I've seen this film several times, in each of its available iterations (via the internet, I've procured the Cannes Film Festival cut with showed on Sky TV in the UK, the other is the theatrical cut, available on DVD). Both versions are phenomenally dense, and never less than perplexing, but when Kelly's on his game, there's no filmmaker I'd rather follow on a descent into madness.

#2. Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)

I've heard arguments that this is genuinely a good movie, and I tend to agree with them, but there's no denying that this ludicrously ambitious effort hasn't quite been greeted with open arms by most. Let's just say it's a fun, 1980s-esque sci-fi actioner with a hint of mysticism to it and leave the comparisons to Avatar at that, shall we?

#3. Bad Boys II (2003)

Future generations will learn of our culture through this film, and this film alone. This remains Michael Bay's magnum opus, his crowning achievement, his masterpiece. Hell, the film even inspired Roger Ebert to ask if it was possible for a 'popcorn' film to 'out-popcorn' its audience. Perhaps, Mr. Ebert, perhaps, but if I'm to die of an overdose of something this amazing, this ball-shatteringly illiterate, this intoxicatingly insane, then so be it.

#4. Dreamcatcher (2003)

Dreamcatcher, My Year of Flops - by Nathan Rabin

As illustrated by Rabin's surreal recounting of the events of this film, what we have here is one of those blessed, all-too-rare instances where a lot of very talented people have an egregious lapse in judgment and choose to bring an atrocious, odd, and ultimately just ill-conceived project to completion. Directed by Lawrence Kasdan, Adapted by William Goldman, and starring among others the ever-noble Morgan Freeman and the unfortunately-Scientologist Jason Lee, this film should have lived up to the tension created by an excellent teaser trailer. It didn't. Smart went crazy. A mentally handicapable adult turns into an alien that saves the day. Maybe the mentally-handicapable have secretly been aliens testing our compassion all along? Maybe Stephen King was on a touch too many pain medications following his horrific car accident? Maybe, regardless, this film somehow makes the world a better place?

#5. The Wicker Man (2006)

The Wicker Man, My Year of Flops - by Nathan Rabin

I was fortunate enough to see this in theaters, before it became an internet sensation, and it remains one of the most incredible theater-going experiences of my entire life. There's a moment, about 20 minutes in, when the audience - who, mind you, had been on board through a lot of unconscionably hacky set-up at this point - turned on the film. It happens when Nicolas Cage is on a ferry, heading out to sea, and he thinks he sees the little girl he failed to save earlier in the film standing at the edge of the boat, looking out to sea.

An then all of a sudden a TRUCK comes out of NOWHERE and SMACKS into her!

And then Cage wakes up.

And the rest, my friends, must be seen to be fully understood and respected.

#6. It's All About Love (2003)

It's All About Love, My Year of Flops - by Nathan Rabin

Floating Ugandans. A medical anomaly where people's hearts simply stop beating. Sean Penn in an airplane for the entirety of the film, perpetually on a cell phone.

Ice skating Claire Danes clone assassins.

I've said enough. This film is too peculiar to pass up, and quite possibly some kind of David Lynch-esque mindfuck of the highest order.

That's right. I've seen it twice now, and I still don't know what the hell it's trying to do.

#7. Battlefield Earth (2000)

Battlefield Earth, My Year of Flops - by Nathan Rabin

John Travolta shepherds a different breed of crazy to the screen, and - if you can manage to make it through the entire film - somehow, you've become a more complete human being.

This is by no means a good film. This is simply a film whose hubris must be seen to be believed. (I mean, LOOK at those codpieces!)

#8. Babylon A.D. (2008) & The Chronicles of Riddick (2004)
I only begin cheating here because both of these films are extremely complex, ever-so-slightly compromised works that create odd, unusual worlds and don't get anywhere near the attention they deserve for their ingenuity and their many peculiarities.
Babylon A.D. is essentially Children of Men only shorter, stranger, and altogether less interesting (although it possesses remarkably inventive set-pieces).

Additionally, The Chronicles of Riddick's 'Underverse' remains one of the odder concepts introduced to science fiction film this decade.
Neither of these are anything too innovative, and any film in which the lead character outruns the sun certainly has its flaws, but both films are quite fascinating and remain strangely singular works from a pair of embattled auteurs, David Twohy and Mathieu Kassovitz.

#9. The Happening (2007)

Pound for idiotic pound, this is one of the the dumbest, most shockingly clueless films ever made. Naturally, it gets better (and funnier) with each passing viewing. Welcome to Killadelphia.

Short of John Leguizamo, none of the actors in this film turn in credible work, and nearly all of them are given something absolutely inane to say. Here, you can see the seams in the story even if you're not familiar with script structure. Shyamalan's effort is visible even to the naked, untrained eye. Ideas are introduced in one scene only because they must be established for the very next scene, with little thought given to character, tone, or suspense.

Honestly, this film is an absolute MUST-SEE. More fun than Shyamalan's previous misfire, Lady in the Water, and dumber than paste. Dumber than sea cucumbers. Less complex than most single-celled organisms. More awkward than a dugong. This film is the cinematic equivalent of your parents walking in on you masturbating.

#10. D-War (Dragon Wars) (2007)

D-War (Dragon Wars), My Year of Flops - by Nathan Rabin

Craig Robinson has been in some awful movies, but this is by far the most enjoyable. A South Korean epic action film that clocks in at about 82 minutes, features some of the most brain-dead acting this side of the Twilight series, and surprisingly boasts some decent special effects (even if they are used to sell action scenes that are more than content to simply repeat what's come before).

Yes, it's garbage - and yes, it's a touch too ambitious, but there are much, MUCH worse ways you can find to spend 82 minutes.

Honorable Mentions:

11. Torque (2004) - Here is a film that not only defies the laws of physics, it leaves a flaming bag of excrement on physics' doorstep.

12. House of the Dead/Postal (2003/2008) - Here's a pair of flip-sides to the Uwe Boll oeuvre of grotesqueries. One unintentionally seals its fate as one of the most unimaginably awful films ever made (while remaining hilarious), while the other serves as some strange missing link of spoof films that fits somewhere between the Zucker Bros. and the Friedberg/Seltzer abortions.

13. Van Helsing (2004) - Hey, I like it. Leave me alone.

14. War, Inc. (2008) - Mining the same vein of insanity as Southland Tales, this one's definitely worth a look if you're a John Cusack, Hilary Duff, or Montel Williams fan. Yes, they're all in this film.

I'd make a list of what films to avoid, but that would be nearly endless - and could possibly lead to my head exploding.

____________________________________________________

And now, come the end of the decade, I've turned 21 and must once again this New Year's resolve to put away childish things, gain wisdom, get a good job and, hopefully, one day be married for my ample fortune.

In all seriousness, this could be the beginning of the very last annual/decade list I'll ever create, as I hope to be busy with a job/career in the near future, so I'll leave you all with this, in the spirit of the decade, and all that it stood for:

- Andrew Ford

Episode 7 - Cemetery Without Crosses & The Shooting

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 21:00:00 +0000

In this long awaited episode we discuss the weird and surreal Spaghetti Western "Cemetery Without Crosses" and the Monte Hellman (Two Lane Blacktop, Cockfighter) directed Warren Oates starring, "The Shooting".

PLAY/DOWNLOAD

Cemetery Without Crosses & The Shooting Trailers

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 20:57:00 +0000

My Life Through Sylvester Stallone Movies

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 18:32:00 +0000

“My Life Through Sylvester Stallone Movies”
By Eli J Osman

Being a film fanatic and spending most of my waking life thinking, talking, and/or watching movies. Each film I’ve seen has its own special moment to me; some moments are small and some are lost or some barely remembered. Some even involve the films of beloved actor, writer, director, and for a limited time country singer, Sylvester Stallone.

Demolition Man (1993)
Character – John Spartan

I once ate dinner under the naked frozen body of Stallone from this movie at a Planet Hollywood restaurant in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. It was really surreal and a little unsettling eating my New York style Cheesecake under a naked frozen body. I took a picture with my disposable camera. The cheesecake was good.

Judge Dredd (1995)
Character – Judge Dredd

After seeing this movie when it came out on video, I spent an entire week afterwards constantly repeating the line, “I AM THE LAW” in brilliant Stallone fashion. This process would repeat after every viewing.

Oscar (1991)
Character – Angelo ‘Snaps’ Provolone

I once saw someone selling one hundred copies of the DVD on eBay with a “Buy it now” price of $300. It was very tempting to purchase this lot of one hundred DVDs. Who in their right mind would sell one hundred copies of the same movie, especially a mediocre screwball gangster comedy from the early nineties? I assumed the only person who would have one hundred copies of Oscar in the first place, would be director John Landis or Stallone himself. If in the future, I randomly give you a copy of Oscar on DVD one of two things has happened; I have ran into some extra cash or I have got completely insane.

Victory (1981)
Character – Captain Robert Hatch

This was the first and as of now the only movie, I saw that feature an actor with the last name of Osman. Sadly, that actor played a Nazi.

Over the Top (1987)
Character – Lincoln Hawk

Because of this movie, I refer arm wrestling as playing “Over the Top”. But I always have to explain myself every time I use it.

The Party at Kitty and Stud’s (1970)
Character – Stud

This is Stallone’s first movie. It is also a softcore porn. My only viewing of this film was with a group of people I had just met. I was currently working on a horror short film and went to a guy house to get my stomach casted so I could get my guts ripped out. His roommates just got back from seeing porn star Ron Jeremy speak and was in the mood to watch some cheesy seventies porn. As his roommates piled in the living room, I was standing in the middle of the room with my shirt off having my stomach rubbed down with plaster. To make matters even stranger, one of his roommates started taking pictures of this process for his portfolio. Oddly, his roommates seemed really jaded by a half naked guy getting a rub down in front of them while watching the love-makings of Stallone. I now sympathize with young aspiring actresses that get pressured into porn and I understand the mind of Sylvester Stallone. I realize, out of shame comes greatness.

Rambo (2008)
Character – John Rambo

GREATNESS.

Episode 6 - Stallone Phase I (Moms & Dancing)

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 03:24:00 +0000

Howdy,
Long time no see.

It's been awhile since we done an episode and it's also been awhile since we recorded this episode, but whatever. In this one of our finest episode, we discuss two unforgettable Stallone movies, Stop! or My Mom Will Shoot and Staying Alive. I think this is our best episode yet, but you'll be the judge.

PLAY/DOWNLOAD

Thank You.

Episode 5 - MEGAFORCE BITCHES MEGAFORCE

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 05:52:00 +0000

Howdy Folks,

Welcome to the REAL Episode 5 - in which Eli and I discuss, amongst many many other things, the pilots of Victor Fresco (creator of "Better Off Ted" and others), and how easy it is to drown in Barry Bostwick's deep, deep blue eyes. Also - we talk about MEGAFORCE.

PLAY/DOWNLOAD

THANK YOU.

Automated Pilot - Unaired TV Pilot

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 21:51:00 +0000

Howdy Folks,

Since we are slow at making new episodes, I have decided to share with you the TV pilot we made here at Ohio University for the student run network AVW. This episode was for a show where every episode would be a pilot for a new show. The only episode features the pilot "Hobo-Town". A sitcom about Great Depression Hobos written entirely in Hobo lingo. They canceled us midway through our second episode. Which was called "Deadline 2000AD" and was about two guys running a newspaper in the Post-Apocalypse future in the year 2000. Any-who, here is the unaired pilot episode of Automated Pilot written by Andrew Ford and I and Directed by me. Also stay tune for the unaired Pilot for "The Eli Osman Show" a talk show I made in High School. Well its actually more of a warning than a stay tune.

Thank You.

Automated Pilot - Unaired TV Pilot from Eli Osman on Vimeo.

- Eli Osman

Episode 4 - Late Night Blah Blah Blah Emporium

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 22:40:00 +0000

Howdy.
In Episode 4, we discuss everything from Watchmen to the awesome TV show Wings even the the career of Cuba Gooding Jr with his films Boat Trip & Snow Dogs. In other words we have no actual topic. Enjoy.

PLAY/DOWNLOAD

Thank You.
- Eli J Osman

Eli Osman on the Podcast, the World, and Watchmen

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 01:15:00 +0000

Howdy.

How are you?
I'm fine.

Well, here at "Late Night at the Movie Emporium" we have not been positing new episodes as often as we want. Due to the busy nature of our lives. For several reasons to boring to write we have not done a episode for a while. So pretty much, we've been slacking. The next proposed episode was Part 2 of our Ozploitation episode but we have not had the time to watch all the films we wanted to covering several films from 1980-1986. That episode will come in the near distant future.

(The Near Distant Future)

Our next episode, which we will be record late tonight, will be posted tomorrow. The subject is unknown to me as of the moment, but whatever it will be it will be fueled by lots of coffee. We will probably wing it or something.

As for the world. I'm sadden by our current economic crisis. Non of it truly effected me until the other day when I stopped at a Dairy Queen in Albany, Ohio. It was closed. Closed down due to lack of money I assume. I really wanted a ice cream cone. It was 60 some degrees outside and that's great whatever for ice cream. Someone should do something about this economic ice cream crisis. I hope Lord Obama will do something.

(Sweet Jesus this image is Sad. It makes me feel people emotions.)

As for the film Watchmen.

I have decided to not discuss Watchmen on the podcast. I don't speak for Andrew here, but I don't feel like talking about Watchmen is being done to death. So, this blog is going to express my feelings towards the film. And that feeling is, MEH. I like the film, but it way too long in a bad way. The film looks great don't great me wrong, but what works good in the comic doesn't necessarily work in the movies. I am a big fan of the comic, but in film a glowing floppy blue penis is hard to get pass. I know its in the comic, but come on. Most of the audience couldn't stop giggling ever time Doc Manhattan showed up. I am looking forward to watching the complete version on dvd with the added footage and the pirate and Under the Hood doc cut in. But that probably won't be out for a year. I still enjoyed Watchmen, but its not the best Superhero movie in years, its only number 5 on the my list of the best Superhero movies of the last two years.

1. Rambo
2. Dark Knight
3. Iron Man
4. Hellboy II
5. Watchmen

(GREATEST MOVIE EVER. STALLONE IS A GOD. NO, HE IS GOD.)

So there is my fast and crappy review of Watchmen. A visually stunning and Meh Movie. Well thats it for now, I guess. Stay Tune for our next episode and SHOOT FOR THE STARS.

Thank you.
- Eli J Osman

Episode 3 - Late Night on the Outback

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 00:48:00 +0000

Here is episode three. We discuss our love/hate for the new Friday the 13th remake and talk about Ozploitation films from the 1970's including such classics as Wake in Fright, Stone, The Cars That Ate Paris, The Man From Hong Kong, Mad Dog Morgan, Long Weekend, Patrick, and Mad Max. Be prepared of a shit-ton of Aussie awesomeness.

PLAY/DOWNLOADhttp://ia331419.us.archive.org/2/items/LateNightattheMovieEmporiumEpisode3-LateNightontheOutback/ep3.m4a

"Not Quite Hollywood" Podcast Update

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 14:13:00 +0000

Our scope is too ambitious for this week's podcast, so we're going to have to split it into two (2) halves.

Part One: 1971-1979 - will be posted by Friday morning, and Part Two: 1980-1987 - will be posted next week, hopefully on a Wednesday evening as per usual.

I leave you with a short video we spent the weekend making for our school's 48-hour Shootout competition. We were given a genre (Instructional Video), a line of dialogue ("I was up all night"), and a prop (Three Eggs) - enjoy:

Samson & Samson's Breakfast Series: Part 3 of 5 - Eggs & The Great Beyond from Eli Osman on Vimeo.

-Andrew Ford

Coming Next Thursday-Ish

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 14:37:00 +0000

We journey to the Outback with about 15 "Ozploitation" films - from 1971-1987, 16 years - 15 works of Aussie excellence.

Loosely (oh who am I kidding, entirely) inspired by the excellent documentary, Not Quite Hollywood: The Untold Story of Ozploitation, hopefully coming soon to DVD.
In this documentary, we learned that former James Bond actor George Lazenby was actually set on fire in 1975's The Man from Hong Kong, Dennis Hopper was a drugged-up motherfucking jerkoff no matter what country he was in (and was, in fact, prohibited from not only driving - but from being a passenger in a car due to his Outback antics), and many more excellent, bizarre, and almost impossible-to-believe facts we'll unleash in next week's podcast.

For now, we leave you with the documentary's trailer, a quite excellent deleted bit of interview from the documentary, and brief clips/half-trailers from the two films that bookend our Ozploitation queue.

The Not Quite Hollwyood trailer (NSFW):

World-Class Misanthrope Film Critic Bob Ellis on Peter Weir (Deleted Scene from the Documentary):

A Scene from Wake In Fright (Feat. Donald Pleasance):

(Most of the) Howling III: The Marsupials trailer:

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 05:23:00 +0000

My Podcast Alley feed! {pca-ef00ce1fa076a06790d5411940decb26}

Episode Two - Unsung Heroes of Buddy Cop Films.

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 05:22:00 +0000

Here is Episode Two of Late Night at the Movie Emporium. We discuss the eighteen Buddy Cop films we watch in one week. Featuring the acting talents of Anthony Edwards, Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg, Dennis Rodman, and even Jay Leno. Dinosaur lovers be warned. Enjoy or Die.

Download/Play Here

Theodore Rex < Holocaust

movieemporium@gmail.com (Eli Osman & Andrew Ford) — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 00:57:00 +0000

"The Unsung Heroes of the Buddy-Cop Genre" will be the title of our next episode, coming soon to a Tuesday near you.

Theodore Rex, amongst others, will be discussed.