This, despite the fact that the survey was conducted Nov. 10-20 while the shows were forced into hiatus because of the writers strike.

“That’s fucking bullshit they let Ahmadinejad speak at Columbia yesterday,” Western Michigan sophomore Drew Tait told The Yuckraker Thursday. “Nobody wants to hear what that bozo has to say.”

Said tearful single mother Mandy Fielding: “I’ll miss you, Anna Nicole. You were so beautiful.”

Jimmy “The Hammer” Hampton, who makes up half of the “Zip & The Hammer Morning Show,” was sent to the emergency room Thursday afternoon after suffering a concussion during a fight with afternoon jock Rick Lewis.

Hampton and Lewis came to blows over whether WWWD’s Led Zeppelin-heavy September initiative — dubbed Zeptember — out-awesomed the station’s overall Rocktober programming that will premiere in a few weeks.

“Of course Rocktober’s better,” Lewis declared. “It has rock in the freaking name. You know it rocks.”

Reached at his home, Hampton parried Lewis’ statement.

“Name me any other month where you can play ‘Kashmir’ and ‘The Song Remains The Same’ back to back and no one would bat an eye,” the self-proclaimed “Biggest Zeppelin fan ever” said. “Christ, I’ve taken dumps, eaten four-course meals and taken a naps during that two-fer.

“I wish Jimmy Page was here so he could donate his sweat, put it in an ice cube tray, freeze it and then give two cubes of it to Rick so he could use them as balls, because clearly he’s a big vagina.”

WWWD Program Director Alan Martin released a statement that read, in part, “Zeptember and Rocktober are both great for WWWD listeners. But let’s not forget about all the great new music coming up in Newvember.”

“Ma’am, if you have a horrific, history-making hurricane in you, now’s the time,” Payton said during his Monday press conference. “I mean, I’d prefer it hit Baton Rouge so that the deaths hit home, yet we don’t have to move out of the Superdome, but I’ll take anything you got at this point because I got nothing.”

Drew Brees is sitting on a feeble 66.4 quarterback rating and Reggie Bush is playing like a 21st-century Eric Metcalf, causes that can be directly attributed to the Saints not having anything to rally around.

“This is rough, man,” said running back Deuce McAllister. “If I could have the Dome reopen every game, I would. That got us off to a nice start last year.”

Other ideas Payton and the Saints marketing team have on the table to reverse the Black and Gold’s ways include running pulse-quickening scenes from “K-Ville” on the center video board and conducting pregame jazz funerals with Michael Vick’s body in the casket.

With innumerable misuses of “ironic” still fresh in everyone’s memory, the 54-year-old secretary at General Controls, 34 E. Main St., is riding an incredible hot streak.

Thursday in the GC breakroom, she extended her run of misusing the term “which begs the question” to 67 weeks in a row.

“I remember this week’s edition clearly,” said Cliff Shultz, a co-worker, “We were sitting there, and Lou says, ‘This microwave pizza sure is tasty, which begs the question: What am I going to have for dinner.’

“I had an over-under bet with Hal from sales. I gave him Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, I had Thursday and Friday. Pay the man, Hal.”

When asked about her foibles, Parker responded: “It’s a slippery slope to point out people’s errors, especially when they’re not really errors.”

And, funny you should ask, he said, I was the mayor in New York city six years ago.

“I led our nation’s finest city through its darkest hour,” he told a congregation at Ground Zero, “I want to lead our nation through its finest hours.”

The crowd cheered, but to be fair that was mostly Giuliani’s staff. The mourners reacted by saying, “Hey, I’m reflecting here.”

“People say I can’t be elected president because of my views on abortion and gay rights. That I perpetuate the feeling that New York is the only city that matters,” Giuliani told onlookers. “But you all know that isn’t true, right, friends? Right!!!!?”

“Again, shaddup, already,” said Joe Petroni, a construction worker from Queens. “Come back tomorrow. This isn’t your day anymore.”

The Giuliani campaign continues Wednesday with a swing through Akron.

He is expected to pander to the thousands of the people there who have lost jobs this year and talk about how Sept. 11 made him sad but Sept. 12 made him proud.

Monday afternoon, Gen. David Petraeus will debut to Congress his long-awaited report on how things are going in Iraq. As expected, the American public and the retailers that cater to them are in a last-minute race to get their “Petraeus Parties” in order.

“Our television sales are up about 23 percent from this month last year,” said Manny Macomber, a salesman at H.H. Gregg, 544 W. Main St., “You can say we’ve had quite a surge.”

Spokesmen for Best Buy, Wal-Mart and Amazon all said the DVD of the two-hour condensed version of the Petraeus testimony is second on their pre-order sales list, behind “High School Musical 2.”

Nationwide, 16 percent of workers are projected to use a sick day Monday, according to the outplacement firm of Fredrickson & Eagle. That’s comparable to first day of the NCAA men’s basketball tournament.

But perhaps the best example of America’s love of televised Iraq war news coverage came Sunday night at the local Kroger, 115 W. Main St.

The aisles were packed with folks wearing Petraeus t-shirts. Salsa, bags of Buffalo wings and cornhole games were all in short supply.

As one shopper put it, “This is like the Oscars, Super Bowl and Olympics all rolled into one.”

Manning is coming off a year that saw him produce such memorable spots as “Fake Audible In The Huddle For DirecTV” and “Pass To CircuitCity Salesman Is Too Hard.”

Debuting tonight, and running during every possible commercial break, will be a spot for Summer’s Eve in which Peyton walks a sandy beach with his brother Eli to discuss the benefits of douching.

Other ads will feature Manning touting Canon, Apple, Reebok, GE and Olive Garden, which will conclude with a hilarous punch line from Peyton as the Mannings sit around the table. Wear diapers, everybody!

Manning’s existing spots for Sprint, MasterCard and ESPN will remain. This means that Manning’s work will take up all of NBC’s allotted space except for the brief part of the Arbor Day Foundation commercial that sometimes slips through.

“I’m just trying to set a good example for the kids,” Manning said. “If I can move just one product, then I’ve done my job.”

In between Manning commercials tonight, his Indianapolis Colts will open their defense of the Super Bowl crown against the New Orleans Saints.

In a risque search for a bite to eat Friday morning, MacIlvane traversed the closed campus in search of a Sausage McMuffin with Egg on the other side of Main Street. But he didn’t get that far, as longtime schoolmaster Tim Johnson busted him walking across the main lawn.

“Mr. MacIlvane, where are you heading off to!?” Johnson bellowed.

When MacIlvane mentioned that the principal should have said “to where are you heading,” Johnson made the student a deal: No in-school suspension, but no McDonald’s, either.

“Clearly, I got away with one,” MacIlvane said. “Now I need to apply my quick-thinking skills to finding another route to nearby restaurants that doesn’t attract as many eyeballs.”

Said Johnson: “He got off fair and square. What can I say? He’s absolutely right and, may I add, a real student of grammar. It’s the beginning of the school year and I’m not in spring-semester form yet. I blew it.”

He took the day off from work to kick back and watch his beloved Yankees take on the Boston Red Sox in a matinee. It turns out he burned one of his 10 precious vacation days for nothing.

“I thought it was a given that the Yankee game would be on,” Antonelli said Thursday night after coming home from a local sports bar. “I mean, it’s nearly September and it’s the Sox. Why wouldn’t I think it was on?

“I tell you what, ESPN had better start showing the Yankee-Sox rivalry some love. I don’t know what the hell that was that they were showing, but it wasn’t the Yankees or the Sox, I can tell you that.”

Of his trip to the sport bar, Antonelli said: “Yeah, they had the game, but it was on NESN so I had to suffer through the yo-yo Boston announcers. What a joke.”

New York won, 5-0, to give itself a series sweep and inch closer to the Red Sox in the AL East standings.

Said Antonelli, who will be back behind the security desk at the Trust Bank Building today: “Are you listening, ESPN? We wear pinstripes and have Jeter and ARod. Look us up.”

“When I say ‘Ike’ or “Tricky Dicky,’ everyone knows about whom I’m talking,” said Klein-Anderson from her home in Princeton, N.J. “But there are some really fascinating monikers I hadn’t heard of until recently.”

Here’s a sampling:

President No. 3 — Thomas “Dark Meat” Jefferson
6 — John Quincy “Q&A” Adams
9 — William Henry “Nah, it’s nice out” Harrison
10 — John “Tippekayak” Tyler
12 — Zachary “It’s not Tyler, dick” Taylor
14 — Franklin “Last Call” Pierce
15 — James “Seacrest” Buchanan
18 — Ulysses “I’m buried there, idiot” Grant
19 — “Ol’ piece of chicken in his beard” Rutherford B. Hayes
22/24 — Grover “Two-fer” Cleveland
23 — Benjamin “Lunchmeat” Harrison
25 — William “What-archy rules?” McKinley
27 — William Howard Taft, “The Gentleman Anorexic”
29 — Warren G. “Teapot Dumb” Harding
30 — Calvin “Chatterbox” Coolidge
32 — Franklin “The Gazelle” Roosevelt
33 — Harry “The Hiroshima Dreama” Truman

Klein-Anderson’s complete findings will be published in The Journal of Presidential Stuff this fall.