Z-LE'SEYE

Long Natural Nails

2026-03-28T09:59:00.004-05:00

I have received questions regarding me having lengthy natural nails. Those questions will be addressed below.

How or Why are my natural nails long?

Genetics

One of those questions was, "Is it genetics?". Yes, it is genetics. My parents and at least one of my grandparents have/had strong nails and can/could grow them long, if they desired to do so. I do not go to any special lengths to grow my nails. They grow on their own at a faster-than-normal rate. I am keen on cleaning, pruning, and trimming them. I do not allow them to grow to a length that makes my daily tasks uncomfortable or difficult. Due to their rate of growth I actually maintain and prune them more frequently than every days.

Breakage

I have also been asked how I keep them from breaking. They do sometimes break. To be very transparent, if I am frustrated or upset and I am moving quickly I may have a nail that chips or breaks. But, they regenerate quickly so it doesn't take too long for a broken nail to catch up, in length, to the non-broken nails.

Manicuring

I don't go to salons for nail care but I do maintain/manicure them at home. I have basic manicure tools that I use to keep my cuticles under control. I also use basic tools to prune and trim my nails on a regular basis. For moisture I like to use extra virgin olive oil (in a glass bottle) and/or my personal nail oil recipe, which is available for purchase in my boutique.

Nail Polish, Acrylics & Press-Ons

I usually limit the amount of bad/harsh chemicals I put into and onto my body. I have never had acrylic nails nor have I had press-on nails. This is not based on religion (as some may assume) but moreso based on personal preference and comfort level.

I have polished my nails a few times in the past but I prefer how they look unpolished so it has been a long time since I've polished them. I have also noticed that nail polish isn't beneficial to my nails. Polish seemed to make them less healthy and less strong. Though, I am not completely opposed to nail polish and it is possible that I may decide to polish them tenporarily for special occasions in the future.

Supplements

Surprisingly, I noticed that my daily supplements (iron and multivitamins) seemed to assist with the overall health and strength of my nails but these were never the reasons for which I started taking these supplements. I started taking supplements for energy and emotional balance, overall wellness and because I have been prone to anemia. Nail growth was a surprise benefit.

I usually take one of the following multivitamin and iron supplements. I may alternate if one is not available. All items below have the same link. It will take you to one of my Amazon lists and you will find them all listed there for the convenience of anyone who may want to purchase.

Multivitamins

Mary Ruth's Liquid Multivitamin [highly recommend]

Garden of Life Women's Multi (chews) [highly recommend]

Iron

Floradix (liquid) [highly recommend but be sure to brush often as it may stain teeth]

Floradix (tablets) [good choice if you are traveling and can't take liquid with you]

MegaFood Iron Blood Builder (tablets) (Note: I recently tried these but haven't taken them long enough to notice of they are effective or not.)

Long Natural Nails as a Muslim Woman

I have had specific questions from Muslim women regarding the permissibility of me having lengthy natural nails as a practicing Muslim woman. If you are interested I have addressed that in a separate blog post which you can find here.

Hair Extensions & False Lashes for Muslims

2026-03-23T15:50:00.010-05:00

Bismillah.

To address queries on wearing hair extensions and wigs I have compiled relevant ahadith. Please be aware that lash extensions fall under the category of hair extensions. So the following ahadith would cover hair extensions, lash extensions and any other type of hair extensions a person may add to their bodies.

Please also be aware that my intention is to simply share authentic Islamic knowledge for those who seek it. This is an act of love and care for my fellow believers and may Allah accept it as such.

Due to these ahadith I have added below I advise against having hair extensions. As you continue upon your journey of knowledge you will find that the four schools of thought [Hanafi, Maliki, Shafa'i & Hanbali] are in agreement regarding this topic, in general. Hair extensions, using human hair, are haraam. Depending on which school of thought you subscribe to, extensions using artificial hair may be allowed for specific reasons and under specific circumstances.

-----Start of Ahadith on Hair Extensions-----

☆☆☆ Abu Dawud - Hadith 4170 ☆☆☆

Ibn ‘Abbaas (ra) narrated that: The woman who does hair extensions and the woman for whom that is done, the woman who plucks eyebrows and the woman for whom that is done, the woman who does tattoos and the woman for whom that is done when there is no ailment (that would justify doing those things) are cursed. [Grade: Sahih]

☆☆☆ Al-Bukhari - Hadith 5933☆☆☆

Abu Huraira narrated that the Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Allah has cursed the lady who artificially lengthens (her or someone else's) hair and the one who gets her hair lengthened and the One who tattoos (herself or someone else) and the one who gets herself tattooed". [Grade: Sahih]

☆☆☆Bukhari — Hadith 5937☆☆☆

Ibn `Umar narrated that Allah's Apostle said: "Allah has cursed such a lady as lengthens (her or someone else's) hair artificially or gets it lengthened, and also a lady who tattoos (herself or someone else) or gets herself tattooed. [Grade: Sahih]

☆☆☆Muslim - Hadith 2122a☆☆☆

Asma', daughter of Abu Bakr, reported that a woman came to Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) and said, "I have a daughter who has been newly wedded. She had an attack of smallpox and thus her hair had fallen; should I add false hair to her head?" Thereupon Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Allah has cursed the woman who adds some false hair and the woman who asks for it." [Grade: Sahih]

☆☆☆Muslim - Hadith 2126☆☆☆

Jabir b. Abdullah reported that Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) reprimanded that a woman should add anything to her head (in the form of artificial hair). [Grade: Sahih]

☆☆☆Tirmidhi — Hadith 2783☆☆☆

Ibn 'Umar narrated that the Prophet (ﷺ) said: "Allah's curse is upon the woman who lengthens hair and the women who seeks to have her hair lengthened, and the woman who tattoos and the woman who seeks to have her herself tattooed." [Grade: Hassan]

-----End of Ahadith on Hair Extensions-----

Wigs

For more on the specific topic of wigs please read this post from Seeker's Guidance and for even more details please read this post from Virtual Mosque.

Finally, I leave you with words of encourgaement and advice. If you are seeking knowledge and intending to do what pleases Oir Creator you are being guided and you are responding to that guidance, Alhamdulillah. Remember, in our deen, if there is reasonable doubt regarding a certain action then we are advised to steer clear of that action based on the following hadith.

☆☆☆Muslim - Hadith 1599☆☆☆

On the authority of Abu Abdullah, al-Nu'man ibn Bashir (may Allah be pleased with both of them), who said:

I heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) say:

"Indeed, the lawful (halāl) is clear, and the unlawful (harām) is clear, and between the two are ambiguous matters which many people do not know. So whoever avoids the doubtful matters has protected his religion and his honour. And whoever falls into doubtful matters will eventually fall into the unlawful, like a shepherd who grazes his flock near a protected sanctuary; he is bound to fall into it. Verily, every king has a sanctuary, and the sanctuary of Allah is His prohibitions. Truly, in the body, there is a morsel of flesh which, if it is sound, the entire body will be sound; and if it is corrupt, the entire body will be corrupt. Verily, it is the heart." [Grade: Sahih]

Nails & Piercings - For Muslims?

2026-03-23T09:29:00.017-05:00

Bismillah.

In the Qur'an (5:6) Allah (swt) instructs us to perform wudu. It reads: “O you who have believed, when you rise to [perform] prayer, wash your faces and your hands to the elbows and wipe over your heads and wash your feet to the ankles.”

يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ إِذَا قُمْتُمْ إِلَى ٱلصَّلَوٰةِ فَٱغْسِلُوا۟ وُجُوهَكُمْ وَأَيْدِيَكُمْ إِلَى ٱلْمَرَافِقِ وَٱمْسَحُوا۟ بِرُءُوسِكُمْ وَأَرْجُلَكُمْ إِلَى ٱلْكَعْبَيْنِ ۚ

The Arabic word for "your hands" is أَيْدِيكُم and the hands include the fingernails. According to Hanafi Fiqh (Islamic Jurisprudence based on the Hanafi school of thought), for wudu to be valid the water must touch all portions of the required body part. This means when we wash over our hands, for the purpose of wudu, the water has to touch the full surface area of each hand which includes the nail beds.

If there is anything on the body that acts as a barrier preventing water from touching the required parts then that body part or limb hasn't been washed. If any part is left improperly washed this can invalidate wudu.

Nail Polish

The issue with nail polish is that it creates a barrier that prevents water from thoroughly reaching the bed of the nails.

Someone has asked about halal nail polish. As it pertains to wudu and prayer, I don't trust any nail polish labeled halal. I simply don't think the risk of having invalid wudu is worth it. If a woman really wants to wear polish she should consider wearing it when having her menses or she can simply color her nails with henna, jagua or any natural dye that doesn't create a barrier.

One of the first things we will be questioned about is our prayers. And valid wudu is a pre-requisite to our 5 daily prayers. Anything that could possibly jeopardize the validity of our prayers simply isn't worth it.

Press-On Nails

If the press-on nails create a barrier that prevents water from thoroughly reaching the bed of the natural nails then the press-on nails should be removed for wudhu and ghusl.

Lengthy Natural Nails

☆☆☆Sunan an-Nasa'i - hadith 14☆☆☆

Anas bin Malik said: "A time limit was set for us, by the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), regarding trimming the mustache, pruning the nails and shaving the netherhair; we were not to leave that for more than forty days," on one occasion he said: "Forty nights.” [Grade: Sahih]

أَخْبَرَنَا قُتَيْبَةُ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا جَعْفَرٌ، - هُوَ ابْنُ سُلَيْمَانَ - عَنْ أَبِي عِمْرَانَ الْجَوْنِيِّ، عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ، قَالَ وَقَّتَ لَنَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فِي قَصِّ الشَّارِبِ وَتَقْلِيمِ الأَظْفَارِ وَحَلْقِ الْعَانَةِ وَنَتْفِ الإِبْطِ أَنْ لاَ نَتْرُكَ أَكْثَرَ مِنْ أَرْبَعِينَ يَوْمًا ‏.‏ وَقَالَ مَرَّةً أُخْرَى أَرْبَعِينَ لَيْلَةً ‏.‏

The hadith above speaks towards grooming ourselves and maintaining the superfluous growths of the body. Generally speaking, we are not to allow them to go unkept nor unmaintained for more than 40 days. And, of course, they should be kept clean.

The Arabic word تَقْلِيمُ refers to the action of pruning or trimming. The words 'pruning' and 'trimming' are not synonymous with 'cut completely off'. To prune and trim means:

- to lessen or shave down

- to maintain or keep at a certain length

- to take care of or to shape

Think of pruning a shrub outside to keep it from growing out-of-control or looking unkept. This is one way to understand the above hadith.

Is it haraam to have lengthy natural nails?

The word haraam means strictly forbidden so engaging in a haraam action would be sinful. Islam makes it very clear what is considered haraam. We have to be very careful not to label an action as haraam that Allah has not labeled as haraam. When an action is haraam (strictly forbidden) we will have clear sound evidence regarding the category of that action. And that evidence will be from the Qur'an and/or authentic ahadith and/or fiqh.

Having lengthy natural nails is not Islamically categorized as haraam. Per certain schools of thought, lengthy natural nails may fall under the category of ‘makrooh’. A makrooh action is something that may be frowned upon/disliked. It is important to understand that makrooh (frowned upon/disliked) is not synonymous with haraam (strictly forbidden).

Does having lengthy natural nails invalidate wudhu?

Lengthy natural nails do not invalidate wudhu nor ghusl as long as there is nothing added to them that would create an impermeable barrier to water.

How or Why are my natural nails lengthy?

I have a separate blog posts addressing questions and comments I've received about my nails. You can find it here.

Piercings

The document linked below covers the topic of Piercings. If you have questions please take time to read it.

https://www.amjaonline.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/2013-1-piercing.pdf

Why Certain Attached Items Are Not Removed from the Deceased Body

Items are to be removed from the body UNLESS (1) it is not possible to do so or (2) if the removal of certain items will lead to bleeding or cause damage/harm to the deceased. Thus, not removing certain items is not a decision made out of harshness but moreso a decision based on protecting and not harming the deceased.

Items such as clothing and jewelry [which are on the body but not actually attached to it] are often easily removed and usually won't cause damage nor harm to the deceased. Items that are actually attached to the body [such as IVs, acrylic nails, dental attachments, glued-on and/or sewnin hair extensions, etc.] can be more of a challenge as removing them may cause harm/damage, bleeding or even accidental disfigurement of the deceased [which we should completely avoid]. If there is the possibility of the deceased being hurt during the process of removing certain items then it may be decided to partially remove them [meaning pieces/portions of the attached items might have to remain attached] or it may be deemed safer to not remove them at all.

There are differences of opinion on this, which is allowed and understandable. So, some groups of caretakers might remove all attached items or try their best to do so. Other groups might not - especially if removing attached items will lead to harm or damage to the body. A teacher I had explained that she did not remove certain types of items to prevent hurting the deceased. And this understanding and opinion is partially based upon the interpretation of the following hadith:

☆☆☆ Sunan Abi Dawood - hadith 3207 and Sunan Ibn Majah - hadith 1616 ☆☆☆

‘Aishah (ra) reported that the Prophet (saws) said: “Breaking the bone of a deceased person is same as breaking that of the living.” [Grade: Hassan]

Resources

Here are other resources if you'd like to read more on this topic:

Resource 1 (Tafsir): https://quran.com/al-maidah/6

*Please click on Tafsir and select Ibn Kathir.

Resource 2 (Hadith): Some Companions of the Prophet narrated: The Prophet (ﷺ) saw a person offering prayer, and on the back of his foot a small part equal to the space of a dirham remained unwashed; the water did not reach it. The Prophet (ﷺ) commanded him to repeat the ablution and prayer. [Sunan Abi Dawud, Book 1, Hadith 175]

Resource 3 (Hanafi Fiqh Manual): https://www.kalamullah.com/mukhrasar-al-qudri.html

*To start, please read the section titled Taharah (purification).

Resource 4 (Fatwa):

Fatawa Al-Lajnah Ad-Da’imah (5/218):

“If the colour is impermeable, then wudu is not valid unless it is removed before doing wudu . If it is not impermeable, then wudu is valid, as is the case with henna.”

Resource 5 (IslamQ&A):

https://islamqa.info/en/answers/103738/is-wudu-valid-with-nail-polish-on

Ramadan Raindrops - Day 30 (March 19th)

2026-03-19T19:03:00.008-05:00

Every year it ends and every year the ending is bittersweet. While we experience the rush and excitement of preparing to celebrate 'Eid we also feel the flow of emotions in witnessing our dear friend, Ramadan, walking away. Each of us aware that this could be our last time bathing in its blessings. At the same time, hopeful that we will still be here to welcome our dear friend upon the next visit. As we juggle all of the tasks during these last few hours may we pause and offer this highly beneficial comprehensive prayer:

"Our Lord! Give us in this world that which is good and in the Hereafter that which is good, and save us from the punishment of the Fire."

Qur'an 2:201

Arabic

رَبَّنَآ ءَاتِنَا فِى ٱلدُّنْيَا حَسَنَةًۭ وَفِى ٱلْـَٔاخِرَةِ حَسَنَةًۭ وَقِنَا عَذَابَ ٱلنَّارِ

Transliteration

Rabbanaa aatinaa fid-dunyaa hasanatan wa fil-aakhirati hasanatan wa qinaa 'adhaaban-naar

*** *** ***

May the positive changes we've made remain with us. For the sake of Allah, may we not return to the bad which we've walked away from. May we live in the answers to our prayers from this Ramadan to the next, and beyond.

Ramadan Raindrops - Days 28 & 29

2026-03-19T13:35:00.004-05:00

Like metals that dull and lose their shine, the human heart can darken and tarnish. So much so, that if left unkept, the heart can become heedless and hard. A hardened heart is unwanted because it leads to distance from goodness and ultimately, distance from God. By His mercy, just as tarnished metal can be polished so, too, can a hardened heart be softened.

A Few Ways to Soften the Heart

▪︎ Be conscious of Allah through prayer & remembrance (dhikr).

▪︎ Be aware that Allah always sees you.

▪︎ Be sincerely charitable.

▪︎ Avoid sin and heedlessness.

▪︎ Feed those who are in need.

▪︎ Visit the graves of loved ones.

▪︎ Be kind to orphans.

▪︎ Read & reflect on verses of the Qur'an.

▪︎ Seek Allah's mercy & forgiveness.

May Allah make it easy for our hearts to remember Him. May our hearts not be of those that become, and remain, hard and heedless. May the faithful shine of our hearts illuminate our faces. And may that spiritual light spark light within others.

*** Hadith ***

Allah's Messenger ﷺ said, “There is a lump of flesh in the body: when it is sound, the whole body is sound and when it is corrupt, the whole body is corrupt. Truly, it is the heart”.

Sahih Bukhari: 52

Ramadan Raindrops - Days 26 & 27

2026-03-16T23:49:00.004-05:00

As we carry our buckets trying to catch all of the spiritually beneficial droplets that these final days of Ramadan has for us, here is an all-encompassing prayer we can offer:

"My Lord, help me and do not help anyone against me; grant me victory and do not grant victory over me; plot for me and do not plot against me; guide me and make guidance easy for me; grant me victory over those who transgress against me. My Lord, make me ever-grateful to You, ever-mindful of You, ever-fearful of You, ever-obedient to You,

ever-humble unto You, often turning, and returning, to You. My Lord, accept my repentance, wash away my sins, answer my supplication, establish my words,

make my tongue truthful, guide my heart, and remove any malice from my chest.”

Arabic

رَبِّ أَعِنِّي وَلَا تُعِنْ عَلَيَّ وَانْصُرْنِي وَلَا تَنْصُرْ عَلَيَّ وَامْكُرْ لِي وَلَا تَمْكُرْ عَلَيَّ وَاهْدِنِي وَيَسِّرِ الْهُدَى لِي وَانْصُرْنِي عَلَى مَنْ بَغَى عَلَيَّ ربِّ اجعَلني لكَ شَاكِرًا لَكَ ذَاكِرًا لَكَ رَاهِبًا لَكَ مِطْوَاعًا لَكَ مُخْبِتًا إِلَيْكَ أَوَّاهًا مُنِيبًا رَبِّ تَقَبَّلْ تَوْبَتِي وَاغْسِلْ حَوْبَتِي وَأَجِبْ دَعْوَتِي وَثَبِّتْ حُجَّتِي وَسَدِّدْ لِسَانِي وَاهْدِ قَلْبِي وَاسْلُلْ سَخِيمَةَ صَدْرِي

Transliteration

Rabbi aʿinnī wa lā tuʿin ʿalayya, wanṣurnī wa lā tanṣur ʿalayya, wamkur lī wa lā tamkur ʿalayya, wahdinī wa yassiril-huda lī, wanṣurnī ʿalā man baghā ʿalayya. Rabbijʿalnī laka shakkāran, laka dhakkāran, laka rahhāban, laka miṭwāʿan, laka mukhbitan, ilaika awwāhan munība. Rabbi taqabbal tawbatī, waghsil ḥawbatī, wa ajib daʿwatī, wa thabbit ḥujjatī, wa saddid lisānī, wahdi qalbī, waslul sakhīmata ṣadrī.

Sunan Tirmidhi: 3551

Ramadan Raindrops - Days 24 & 25

2026-03-16T23:39:00.002-05:00

Fridays during Ramadan always feel so special. It's a minor cleansing within a major cleansing - like putting a bathtub in an ocean - you get the privilege of bathing in both at the same time.

We've now reached a point where there are no more Ramadan Fridays remaining. Our beloved friend, Ramadan, is about to leave us. Where has the time gone?

Really, where has the time gone? Not only have the days of this blessed month passed quickly but so did the days, weeks and months before it. And so will the days, weeks and months after it. We are living in an era where time is fleeting. It is as if someone pressed a permanent fast-forward button.

Due to the tender mercy of Allah we receive signs, both general & specific. These signs can serve as guidance, correction, reminders, confirmation, and/or relief. Amongst the many signs that the Final Day is near is the quick passage of time. Exactly when it will happen is something we do not know and will not know. Knowledge of the appointed time of the Final Day belongs solely to Allah.

But we do have knowledge of its signs. A few of them, in no particular order, are:

1. unqualified people in positions of authority and/or corrupt leaders

2. widespread fornication

3. men presenting as women & women presenting as men

4. blatantly disrespectful children

5. widespread consumption of alcohol

6. religious knowledge becoming uncommon while secular knowledge grows

7. the spread of usury

We should be careful not to engage in these nor to condone them. If we happen to witness these signs then internal alarms should ring. These signs serve as alerts to remind us that it is time to increase in intending and striving to prepare our souls for judgment on the Final Day. Or, as my elders would say, "It's time to get your house in order."

May our preparations (in the form of fasting, prayers, pure intentions, worship and deeds) be accepted. And may they weigh heavily, in our favor, upon the scales of the Final Day.

*** *** ***

"So as for those whose scales are heavy, they will be in a pleasant life. But as for those whose scales are light, their home will be an abyss."

Qur'an 101:6-8

Ramadan Raindrops - Days 22 & 23

2026-03-13T00:32:00.002-05:00

We, as imperfect human beings, have rough, blemished and/or hardened portions within our souls. Invisible areas that, although not obviously apparent, desperately need to be smoothed out, softened, repaired, or made better. This delicate process involves teaching, bettering, and disciplining our souls. Doing so can lead to spiritual elevation and purification of the soul. This process is called tazkiyyah.

On days 17 & 18 of this series we focused on nafs al-amarah - the lowest spiritual level

of the soul. And, on day 21 we moved forward to focus on the mid-level -

nafs al-lawammah. Today we conclude with the highest level - nafs al-mutma-innah.

At this level the soul has been purified, renewed and it is in full submission to its Creator. A believer with this type of soul feels fully satisfied and content when obeying Allah. Their soul does not act on its own accord; rather, it willingly adheres to the commandments of God.

Tazkiyyah (purification of the soul) is a pre-requisite to achieving the level of nafs al-mutma-innah. It is a lifelong journey. And if achieved, one must work to keep it.

May we strive whole-heartedly for this level. May our souls be softened, cleansed, and disciplined. May we be of those who are granted the gift of nearness to Allah, an intimate bond with Allah, and counted amongst those whom Allah considers His beloved.

*** *** ***

“O tranquil soul (nafs al-mutma-immah)! Return to your Lord,

well pleased [with Him] and well pleasing [to Him]. "

Qur'an 89 : 27-28

Ramadan Raindrops - Day 21

2026-03-11T01:58:08.335-05:00

The focus of days 17 & 18 of this series was nafs al-amarah, or the soul of low desires. We now move from the lowest level of the soul into the middle, or second, level. It is called nafs al-lawammah, or the soul that criticizes itself and is aware of its own behavior.

A believer who's soul is in the state of nafs al-lawammah will feel shameful and guilty when it commits sin or does bad deeds. Due to having an upright conscience, the believer will become so uncomfortable with their wrong-doing that feelings of sincere regret and remorse will set in. The pressing weight of these feelings will lead the person to fight against that sin or bad deed. They will fight this vital internal battle in order to improve their behavior and move away from a space of wrong-doing into a more comfortable space of obedience.

Due to the imperfect nature of human beings, this type of internal battle is never quite finished. This believer is so courageous, resilient and relentless that they persist in the struggle to better themselves. Even if they make mistakes. Even when they falter. Still, they refuse to give up. The believer keeps trying and keeps trying and keeps trying while never losing hope in receiving the mercy, forgiveness, and help of Allah (swt).

Chapter 75 of the Holy Qur'an is titled Al-Qiyaamah, or The Resurrection opens with:

"No! I swear by the Day of Resurrection. And no! I swear by nafs al-lawwamah (the self-criticizing soul)."

Qur'an 75:1-2

*** *** ***

May Allah continuously guide us, lovingly correct us when we're wrong, and tenderly teach us what we've yet to learn. May we be persistent in fighting against what is wrong, courageous in aligning with what is right, and wise enough to know the difference between the two.

Ramadan Raindrops - Days 19 & 20

2026-03-10T00:06:00.002-05:00

One of the most popular nights on the Islamic calendar is the Night of Divine Decree, or Laylat-ul-Qadr. It is the night when the words of the Holy Qur'an first started to be revealed. Laylat-ul-Qadr is a highly sacred night. In it vital matters are determined by The Creator for His creation, which includes us humans.

The types of matters that Allah (Most High & Exalted) sets and/or changes during Laylat-ul-Qadr could be provisions, lifespan, health, level of success, relationships, etc, etc. As Muslims we believe that sincere prayers have the power to change the course of our destiny, by the permission of Allah. With that, it is especially important to be active in prayer on this night. Afterwards we may experience

major changes and improvements within ourselves and/or the details of our lives.

We know, from authentic hadith that Laylat-ul-Qadr may fall on any of the odd numbered nights during the last 10 nights of Ramadan. To increase our chances of catching Laylat-ul-Qadr we should treat each of the last 10 nights as if it could be the one we seek. This is because the odd-nights may be staggered since some believers start fasting one day after others (depending on the method used for moon-sighting and/or their worldly location).

May we seek Laylat-ul-Qadr and may it meet us. May we bathe in the divine serenity and ease that accompanies this powerful night. May the blessings and favor we receive be more than we ask for.

*** Qur'an ***

"We have indeed revealed this in the 'Night of Power'. And what will explain to you what the Night of Power is? The Night of Power is better than a thousand months. Therein come down the angels and the Spirit by Allah's permission, on every errand.

Peace! This until the rise of Morn!"

Qur'an 97: 1-5

*** Hadith ***

'Aishah (May Allah be pleased with her) narrated: "The Prophet (peace be upon him) used to observe i'tikaf (staying in the mosque) during the last ten days of Ramadan and he said, "Seek Laylat-ul-Qadr (The Night of Decree) during the odd nights of the last ten nights of Ramadan."

Sahih Al-Bukhari 2020

Abu Huraira (May Allah be pleased with him) narrared: "Whoever fasted the month of Ramadan out of sincere Faith (i.e. belief) and hoping for a reward from Allah, then all

his past sins will be forgiven, and whoever stood for the prayers in the night of Qadr

out of sincere Faith and hoping for a reward from Allah, then all his previous sins

will be forgiven."

Sahih Al-Bukhari 2014

Ramadan Raindrops - Days 17 & 18

2026-03-07T12:59:00.006-06:00

Today the woman has 4 classes with the first one starting at 8:30am but she is already tired from staying up late the night before. Final exams are coming up soon and with her scores from midterms she really can't afford to sleep through her alarm again and miss yet another class. She sets 3 alarms on 3 different devices and scrolls herself to sleep.

After her last class, she feels relieved. She made it to all classes on time and thankfully, didn't fall asleep in the middle of a lecture as she has done many times before. It's mid-day and she has some free time before meeting up with her friend. They're finally going shopping for outfits to wear to the big gala next week. She's feeling sleepy so she goes into a small lounge, that is almost always empty at this time of day, and naps for about an hour.

While sipping matchas and store-hopping for nearly 2 hours, the two friends find the perfect full-length embroidered glimmering dresses. Mission accomplished. Next on the agenda is an hour of cardio at the gym. She loves her gym because not only do they have excellent equipment but there are also clean showers, meditation rooms and other amenities.

After a great workout she heads home to eat and unwind while finishing the series she

started binge-watching last weekend.

While making her favorite salad and protein shake she chats on the phone with her friend about the upcoming gala and the cute guy that greeted them in one of the stores earlier today. In between laughter, the friend asks, "Oh, were you able to pray dhur (the mid-day prayer) after your last class today?" All laughter comes to a stop. The woman gives silence as a response.

She had not prayed at all today. She had not consistently prayed the 5 daily prayers in quite a while and she didn't want to talk about it. The friend, familiar with the woman's silent responses, says, "InshaaAllah, I'll keep making dua that it becomes easier. I love you." The woman makes a weak excuse to get off the phone. They say goodbye and the call ends.

While flipping through the rectangular images on her 'For You' list to she thinks out loud: "My days are just too busy to pray 5 times. And when I'm not busy I'm tired. And when I'm not tired someone needs me to do something. I just don't have time to pray! Who really prays that many times a day anyway?!"

The intro of the 2nd episode of season 3 starts to play as the woman snuggles comfortably into her soft white blanket with her meal and remote beside her. She's convinced herself that her duties for the day are done and she deserves to relax so she has no intention to move from her cozy spot until morning comes.

*** *** ***

This level of the soul is called nafs al-amarah, or the soul of low desires. Spiritually, nafs al-amarah is the lowest level where a person falls prey to their own desires. Where the person is comfortably acting against the commandments of God. Where the line between right and wrong is blurred so the person falls deeper into wrong-doing and doesn't attempt to self-correct. On the outside, from a worldly perspective, it may appear that the person is doing well in life. But, from the perspective of spirituality, the person's higher self has been defeated by their untrained desire-driven lower self. Repentance is a way out of this level. May Allah guide and forgive us.

*** *** ***

"And I do not seek to rid myself of blame. Indeed, the soul is often inclined towards evil, except those upon whom my Lord has mercy. Indeed, my Lord is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

Qur'an 12:53

***

Ramadan Raindrops - Days 17 & 18

Ramadan Raindrops - Days 15 & 16

2026-03-06T14:25:00.009-06:00

Whomsoever walks towards Allah then Allah will run towards them. This is a portion of a hadith and it is one of my favorite spiritual reminders. It illustrates the immense forgiveness that Allah holds for His creation. It implies that we should not allow previous sins to drown our current selves. It reminds that forgiveness is ready to meet us. It encourages us move towards that forgiveness versus being frozen by our sins.

Tawbah means to turn back to Allah, to be remorseful over our sins, to repent and to firmly resolve to avoid that sin in the future. I like to think of tawbah as a promise to Allah and to ourselves. The sweetest thing about this promise is that if we accidentally break it we can try again. Because Allah is The Most Merciful. If we fall short we should keep trying and keep trying and keep trying. Allah knows if we are sincere and sincerity is a vital fuel within our journey to get closer Allah.

So, if you've ever sinned (as I have) be encouraged to turn to Allah and make tawbah.

Be reminded of the strength you possess to surpass your old self and to become acquainted with a better version of you. Stand firm in the fact that Allah is The Forgiver and know that Allah loves to forgive. May Allah forgive and pardon us.

*** Prayer for Forgiveness***

"O Allah, I have wronged myself greatly, and none forgives sins but You. So grant me forgiveness from Yourself and have mercy on me. Indeed, You are the Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

Sahih Al-Bukhari, Hadith #834

Ramadan Raindrops - day 14

2026-03-04T03:17:00.004-06:00

His spirit was shown an addictively sweet yet slow type of poison. Though it was, indeed, poison the process of it taking hold would be slow and smooth. The feigned sweetest of it whispered to, and smiled, at him. Its false softness offered him comfort and companionship. Knowing the dangers of it, but momentarily choosing to ignore them, he decides to taste the poison. He calculates it's rate of impact and decides he has time to savor it. He figures there is time to enjoy it before it seeps in deep enough to do any damage. In this mental back & forth he believes he is talking to himself but he is bargaining with an entity that seeks solely to bring him to his demise.

He tries just a small bit of the poison and it grabs hold of him. A hold so tight that it intertwines its veins with his. It is no longer a thing of fear. It is now his new best fake friend - sent as a vehicle to his demise. He loves the friend. The friend hates him.

This is temptation. The idea of doing what is forbidden or sinful often presents itself as a thrill, temporary enjoyment, false relief, or something addictively sweet. But, indeed, entertaining this type of temptation leads to poison. It is a spiritual poisoning that can cause us to become comfortable with doing wrong. Once inside it hides so well. Deep inside the passageways of the soul. And it never wishes to leave.

May we recognize temptation and all of its performative attempts to be sweet to us. May we avoid tasting it so it never takes hold. If it has then may we be cleansed, forgiven, strengthened, protected and continuously guided.

Ramadan Raindrops - Day 13

2026-03-03T04:54:00.005-06:00

Have you ever felt it? Have you witnessed it? The spiritual washing. The divine cleansing of souls that subtly happens during Ramadan. There is a metaphysical showering that softens and scales away the grime. The grime that hides beneath the surface. The grime that is the accumulated residue of wrong-doing and disobedience.

By Allah's compassion and mercy, we are given this opportunity to be spiritually washed. To be forgiven.

A powerful prayer to seek His forgiveness is:

*** *** ***

"O Allah, You are my Lord. There is no deity but You. You created me, and I am Your servant. I am committed to Your covenant and Your promise as best as I can. I seek refuge in You from the evil of what I have done. I acknowledge Your favors upon me, and I acknowledge my sins. So forgive me, for none forgives sins except You."

Sahih Bukhari 6306

Ramadan Raindrops - day 12

2026-03-02T00:41:00.007-06:00

Within the many bounties that Ramadan brings is the reminder to reform, mend and polish our character and manners. Salaha is a term that houses multiple meanings such as being pious, upright, and virtuous. It can also mean having high morals and excellent manners, doing acts of goodness for the benefit of others,

and having the ability to self-refine.

A person who has salaha-type characteristics may be called salih and a group of salih people would be called the salihoon.

Being of the salihoon is a title we can hope, pray, and strive to gain but will never

be quite sure if we've achieved it. Thus aiming for it is a lofty and admirable goal. One way to improve our character and manners is to be genuinely loving and kind towards our family members. Sometimes we comfortably show our ugliest traits to our family while we show sweetness to strangers. May we consistently aim to be better versions of our previous selves. May we strive to be genyinely good in public and in private - to be kind not only to strangers but also to those who intimately know us.

*** Hadith ***

Aisha (ra) narrated that Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said:

"Verily, the most complete of believers in faith are those with the best character

and who are most kind to their families."

Sahih Tirmidhi 2612

Ramadan Raindrops - Day 11

2026-03-01T00:02:00.002-06:00

As we progress through the middle portion of this blessed month - the days of forgiveness - may we be reminded that Allah is the initial and primary source of forgiveness, kindness and love. May we, too, be reminded that Allah does not love zulm nor the zalimoon.

And what is zulm? And who are the zalimoon?

Zulm is a term that encompasses acts of oppression, wrong-doing, transgression, unfairness, cruelty and injustice.

Zalimoon are those guilty of committing these acts and thereafter having no remorse nor the desire to repent.

For example, corrupt tyrannical governments that carry out unprovoked attacks which result in the slaying of innocent children would be zalimoon committing zulm.

May the true servants of God never fall into committing zulm nor be manipulated into supporting those who do.

And, may the zalimoon be brought to account and receive the consequences of their actions, now and later.

*** *** ***

Hadith

*** *** ***

Abu Dharr (ra) narrated that Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said that Allah (Most High & Exalted) said:

"O My servants, I have forbidden injustice for Myself and I have made it forbidden among you, so do not oppress one another".

Sahih Muslim 2577

Ramadan Raindrops 2026 - Day 10

2026-03-01T00:00:00.003-06:00

Another name for the month of Ramadan is Shahr As-Sabr (the month of patience). It is indeed primarily the month of fasting but for one to successfully fast patience is required. Proper spiritual fasting isn't a shallow act nor is it light work. It is a feat of faith containing many layers. One of its richest layers is sabr. Sabr can be defined as a beautiful marriage between patience and endurance. When things get tough the believers does not quit. The believer digs deep, continually rediscovering varied forms of patience and endurance. The believer remembers that their sacrifice is temporary and the compensation they are to receive is worth far more than the work they put it. Thus Shahr as-Sabr is a month long session of soulful endurance and spiritual training that makes us ready for what is to come. *** *** *** "Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without account." Qur'an 39:10

Ramadan Raindrops 2026 - Day 8 & 9

2026-02-26T21:42:00.001-06:00

Ramadan Raindrops 2026 - Day 7

2026-02-24T08:24:00.006-06:00

The human experience is impermanent. Our bodies are temporary abodes rented out to house each of our souls. Each of us has an appointed time upon which we are ushered through the process of moving out of these abodes. While we are always at the mercy of Allah, after we move out of our abodes, we are then completely at the mercy of Allah as we will no longer be able to do anything to help ourselves. We will be utterly dependent upon His mercy and His mercy alone. As we, the living, pray for so many things may we remember to pray for Allah's help and mercy to be upon us, not only while we are living, but also after we have vacated our temporary abodes. May we remember to pray for His mercy in the now for the later. For when we are being washed. For when we are being wrapped. For when we are being lowered into soft brown surroundings. For when the ones we love can no longer see us nor hear us. For when we travel from this one into the next realm. May Allah's tender mercy envelop us in every stage of existence, transition, resurrection, judgment, and ultimately the assignment of our eternal abodes. *** "Tell them: “The angel of death who has been entrusted with your souls shall gather you, and then you shall be brought back to your Lord.” Qur'an 32:11

Ramadan Raindrops 2026

2026-02-24T07:33:00.001-06:00

Ramadan Raindrops are posts I write and design each year. The purpose is to share bits and pieces of my faith with those that are interested as well as to encourage other Muslims who are fasting, praying, and striving through the blessed month of Ramadan. My intention is that each Raindrop is easily digestible and able to be understood by anyone (both Muslim and non-Muslim). I believe that if more people have open hearts to get-to-know others (who differ in faith) then there will be more peace in the world. I do not believe in hating or disliking someone simply because they have a different religion, faith, or belief system than I do. And I pray that these posts help to foster more love and understanding between hearts.

Ramadan Raindrops 2025

2025-03-01T17:37:00.031-06:00

Each year, during Ramadan, I compose

and share daily tidbits of Islamic knowledge, reminders, or words of benefit. They're called Ramadan Raindrops. This year, you can look forward to more variety with Ramadan Raindrops being divided into three different 10-day short series!

The first 10-day series is Dua-a-Day. For the first 10 days of this blessed month, I'll share one dua (prayer), each day, along with some of its benefits, InshaaAllah. The next two series titles are a surprise so please stay tuned & enjoy!

Ramadan Raindrops 2024

2024-03-13T02:17:00.013-05:00

Days 1 & 2

Days 3 & 4

Days 5 & 6

Have you ever met someone and it felt like you already met them somewhere before this place? Before this time? It is as though they are already connected to you, somehow, but you can't logically explain it.

Days 7 & 8

Allah (swt) is most subtle and observes all things. The good we do doesn't have to be extravagant for Him to notice it. The good we send forward does not have to be seen by the people in order to be recorded by the angels.

Days 9 & 10

To take advantage of time is to be in front of it. It is to gracefully make calculated moves with an underlying sense of urgency. For, indeed, our lives are an urgent matter. We are not guaranteed a certain length of time but we are guaranteed to return when each of our timeclocks are

to tick no more. May we take advantage of the gifts Allah has given us.

Days 11 & 12

Allah (swt) is Al-Ghafoor; the one who forgives perfectly and exceedingly. In Allah's forgiveness is a covering that pardons and protects us from the weight of our own sins. We must seek this level of forgiveness consistently, and with deep sincerity, for there is no limit to what Allah

can do for us and within us.

Days 13 & 14

"One moment of arrogance can sometimes be enough to wipe away years of great acts of worship." ~unknown

We owe ourselves reminders of humility as nothing we accomplish is because of the work of our hands. It is by the allowance of Allah (swt) and the skills and abilities He has entrusted us with.

Days 15 & 16

If point A is where we are now and point B is where we want to go, we can be certain that the path in between will likely have some aspect, or obstacle, that we don't expect. Maybe there will be rain or maybe there will be a sign indicating a suggested detour.

Sometimes that rain or that detour is part of our spiritual path and has nothing to do with the road but everything to do with the traveller.

Days 17 & 18

This is desire. It can be illogical if left uncurbed.

Our desires sometimes entice us to get, get, get.

I want it? Okay, I have to figure out how to get it. Right? Wrong. More often than not, we should simply be still and deeply appreciate what we already have. A man may have little money but if he is grateful and humble then he is far richer than an ungrateful and arrogant man who has much money.

Days 19 & 20

Nothing can confine or restrict Him and everything, including time, belongs to Him. Allah can expand or restrict time. Allah is He who alternates the night and the day. He controls the shifts of the moon and the sun. They clock in and out, based on His command.

Days 21 & 22

This is a recurring lesson in the Qur'an - to be kind, to be gentle and not to be harsh. I'll forever be amazed at the boundless mercy of God. The fact that gentleness in speech was extended to someone as infamously cruel as Fir'awn reminds us that we should strive to extend gentleness and grace to one another, even when we have to dig deep to do so.

Days 23 & 24

Sincere intentions are powerful enough to turn a small act of worship into a grand one. If a person, with pure and sincere intentions, can only donate a small amount in charity but has a primary desire to please God then they will receive what they seek. In addition, this person's charity may be expanded and heavily rewarded due to the depth of their sincerity.

Days 25 & 26

Life is a road lined with vending machines. Some of the machines are fixed and will never move. Then, there are others that may appear or disappear at specific times. These times are unknown to us. As we travel along the road of life we come to vending machines that supply us with our wants and needs. We're periodically provided with various types of currency to make our desired purchases. We stop, make a transaction then we happily move along once we no longer need anything else from that specific machine.

Days 27 & 28

God-consciousness is one of the most in-depth and all-encompassing characteristics that a human being can possess. It is an umbrella that houses piety and righteousness as well as the knowledge, awareness, and fear of God. To live with God-consciousness is to live life in a manner that confirms and magnifies the fact that our temporary human existence is powered by the perfect never-ending existence of our Creator.

We are here by Allah's permission.

We breathe on Allah's timing.

We die only at Allah's command.

Day 29 & 30

As we prepare to continue life after the peace and ease that Ramadan brings, may we remember that just as Dawud defeated Jalut we, too, can be victorious. Just as tiny seedlings grow into mighty oak trees, it takes only a small amount of faith to yield grand results. May our faith be increased and sustained all the way to victory.

Eid Mubarak!

May Allah (most High & Exalted) accept our fasts, prayers, deeds, and righteous intentions. May we have light and guidance from this Ramadan to the next, InshaaAllah.

Ramadan Raindrops 2023

2023-03-24T09:34:00.010-05:00

Peace be unto you. Welcome to another installment of my annual Ramadan Raindrops series. I plan to post one a day on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, & TikTok. Here on my blog they will come in succession each day so feel free to check this post throughout Ramadan for the latest Raindrop.

Many of these will be geared towards new Muslims, anyone interested in Islam and/or anyone who'd like to gain a better understanding in order to support their family members & loved ones who may be Muslim. I am a part of a family that has mixed ways of life (or religions) so my aim is to foster more clarity & greater understanding for the sake of love.

I am often the different one in the room and I know people have questions that may not know how to ask hence me choosing a Q&A style for my Ramadan posts this year. I hope you receive some benefit from these.

Feel free to email me at zleseye@gmail.com if you have any questions or would like to chat about something I've posted.

-------

Ramadan - Raindrop - Day 1

Since the original language of the Qur'an is Arabic - does that mean Islam is only meant for Arab people?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 2

Why do so many Muslim ladies cover up their hair and wear big clothes? Is it true that their fathers, brothers, and husbands force them to dress that way?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 3

Do Muslims believe in Jesus?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 4

Since Ramadan lasts for 1 months, why is it that Muslim started fasting in the middle, or towards the end, of a month instead of on the 1st of the month?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 5

Why do Muslims say "Allahu Akbar"?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 6

Is Islam the same thing as the Nation of Islam?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 7

Do Muslim believe in heaven?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 8

At what age do Muslim children start fasting during Ramadan?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 9

Since Allah created all animals why can't Muslims eat pork?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 10

First Ashra

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 11

I've heard that Muslims don't celebrate Christmas, so do they celebrate Kwanzaa?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 12

For unmarried Muslims, does Islam allow dating?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 13

Can Muslim men really have 4 wives?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 14

What is the significance of rain in Islam?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 15

Why do Muslims pray 5 times a day?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 16

Why are Fridays important in Islam?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 17

Why are Muslims not allowed to drink alcohol?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 18

Can Muslims wear makeup?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 19

Second Ashra

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 20

What is the significance of Laylatul Qadr?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 21

Who is Mika'il (as)?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 22

Who is Isra'fil (as)?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 23

Who is Jibra'il (as)?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 24

Who is Azra'il (as)?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 25 - The Final 10 Days

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 26

What does it mean to be Muslim?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 27

What is dua?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 28

What is khushu'?

Ramadan Raindrop - Day 29

Who is Allah (swt)?

Eid Mubarak & Jumuah Mubarak!

May Allah (swt) accept it from you and from us.

Ramadan Raindrops 2022

2022-04-04T08:09:00.010-05:00

Greetings of peace. Yearly, I write and create these cards. I usually choose a verse from the Qur'an or a hadith. Then, I share part of my thoughts regarding that specific verse or hadith. In previous years, I've posted them on my social media pages - Facebook, Instagram, & sometimes YouTube (via the community tab). I'll still do that, but I'll keep a master list of them here on my blog as well. That way, if anyone wants easy access to all of them they will be here. I've decided to call them Ramadan Raindrops. May this Ramadan be beyond beautiful and overwhelmingly blessed for everyone.

Ramadan Raindrop - April 2, 2022 - Day 1

Ramadan Raindrop - April 3, 2022 - Day 2

Ramadan Raindrop - April 4, 2022 - Day 3

Ramadan Raindrop - April 5, 2022 - Day 4

Ramadan Raindrop - April 6, 2022 - Day 5

Ramadan Raindrop - April 7, 2022 - Day 6

Ramadan Raindrop - April 8, 2022 - Day 7

Ramadan Raindrop - April 9, 2022 - Day 8

Ramadan Raindrop - April 10, 2022 - Day 9

Ramadan Raindrop - April 11, 2022 - Day 10

Ramadan Raindrop - April 12, 2022 - Day 11

Ramadan Raindrop - April 13, 2022 - Day 12

Ramadan Raindrop - April 14, 2022 - Day 13

Ramadan Raindrop - April 15, 2022 - Day 14

Ramadan Raindrop - April 16, 2022 - Day 15

Ramadan Raindrop - April 17, 2022 - Day 16

Ramadan Raindrop - April 18, 2022 - Day 17

Ramadan Raindrop - April 19, 2022 - Day 18

Ramadan Raindrop - April 20, 2022 - Day 19

Ramadan Raindrop - April 21, 2022 - Day 20

Ramadan Raindrop - April 22, 2022 - Day 21

Ramadan Raindrop - April 23, 2022 - Day 22

Ramadan Raindrop - April 24, 2022 - Day 23

Ramadan Raindrop - April 25, 2022 - Day 24

Ramadan Raindrop - April 26, 2022 - Day 25

Ramadan Raindrop - April 27, 2022 - Day 26

Ramadan Raindrop - April 28, 2022 - Day 27

Ramadan Raindrop - April 29, 2022 - Day 28

Ramadan Raindrop - April 30, 2022 - Day 29

Ramadan Raindrop - May 1, 2022 - Day 30

Eid Day 1 - May 2, 2022

Hospitalized for the First Time in My Life

2022-03-24T15:09:00.004-05:00

I DIDN'T LIKE HOSPITALS BECAUSE MY GRANDMOTHER DIED IN ONE

Going to hospitals and doctors has always been a struggle for me. I believe it started with having knowledge of some of the things certain races and cultures have endured, historically, when it comes to seeking help medically (or even being used as experimental subjects). My discomfort also stemmed from the fact that one of the people I've most loved in this world, my maternal grandmother, died while in a hospital. I was a child and I blamed the doctors and the hospital. That stuck with me for a while. I never understood why they couldn't save her.

Having matured, and having more life experiences, and getting closer to Allah helped me to see that life and death is in the hands of Allah not in the hands of humans. So, I was able to get past it somewhat. Yet, I still hesitated to allow myself to be seen. I'd choose home remedies and prayer over going to the doctor. Thankfully, before last month, I'd never really had any reason to be hospitalized. I thank Allah for his favor.

I HAD NEVER REALLY BEEN SICK UNTIL NOW

So, when I got sick, and remained sick it was extremely scary. There were a few nights where what I was feeling was so intense that I thought maybe God would not wake me up in the this earthly body the coming morning. There were times where I was doubled over in pain or on the floor unable to get up or find any comfortable position. I wasn't able to eat properly. My energy was so low I couldn't do all the things I'd normally do on a day-to-day basis. I was losing almost a pound a day on average. This lasted for about 2 weeks, some days it was more severe than others.

I woke up, drank some cold coconut water and shortly thereafter, I was on the floor in extreme pain, overheating and having difficulty breathing regularly. I made my way to my phone and called 9-1-1 from the floor. I was crying out of fear and told the operator that it was my stomach and my chest and I was had no idea what was happening or why. She told me to unlock the door and that she was sending help. I couldn't unlock the door. What I was feeling made it difficult for me to get all the way to the door. My husband was nearly an hour away at work. I called him. He stayed on the phone with me.

THE PARAMEDICS ARRIVED

They checked my vitals and said nothing came back abnormal. So, what was this pain? Why couldn't I eat? Why was my breathing pattern disrupted? What is wrong with me? They asked if I wanted to go to the hospital. I said no. Thinking back ... why did I say no?When the paramedics were with me they helped me so much. I was overheating and had to come out of my robe. I had to go to the bathroom all of a sudden and they helped me (with all of those EKG things stuck to me). One was a lady and one was a man. They both understood but the woman understood some things without me even having to say it. She helped me with the intimate things. She was motherly and kind. May Allah bless her.

With them, I cried. I cried out of embarrassment. I cried because of the pain. I cried because I was dealing with having to admit a family member into a hospital for drug abuse & psychiatric help just the day before. I cried because I was tired. I cried because another family member had recently been incarcerated. I cried because I've always been able to take care of me and now here I was on the floor unable to do so. I cried because anytime I've had to call 9-1-1 it was always for someone else. I cried because I realized I'd been carrying a lot emotionally and it was now pouring itself out. I cried because I could hear my husband's loving voice as he spoke with the paramedics over the phone but I couldn't see him. I cried because I was crying.

Just to accept the fact that, for the first time in my life, I had to call 9-1-1 for myself was very humbling.

IT GOT WORSE & I COULDN'T EAT

The pain and other symptoms intensified and I knew I couldn't keep ignoring my body or waiting for it to just miraculously get better. A few days later, it was maybe 3 something in the morning, and I told my husband we need to go to the emergency room. I was losing weight, unable to eat, energy was shot, couldn't stop going to the bathroom, had a high temp at least twice, etc. How many more signs did I need?!!

He had wanted me to go sooner but I had refused. Why? I don't really know. I suppose I was having trouble admitting to myself that something was seriously wrong me with. I didn't want to go the hospital as my grandmother had gone and she'd never left. Maybe that was in my subconscious. I don't know. Finally, we went.

EMERGENCY CARE

They were so nice at first. But, about 4 hours later, after giving me pain meds and hooking me up to monitors - they told me someone else needed the room. I was told that he was in worse condition than I was. And, since nothing appeared wrong with me I would be sent home. The doctor never even came into my room. She spoke to me before I got a room and afterwards but she never came in to even examine me. Nurses ran a scan and did an ultrasound (since the pain was in my lower right abdomen). They put me in a wheelchair and wheeled to the release area. As I was waiting there the doctor came to me and explained that all of the tests came back and that nothing seemed wrong. She said maybe a cyst had burst, prescribed pain meds, and we were on our way home.

UNICORNS, HALLUCINATIONS & RAINBOWS

I felt relieved. Okay, I told myself .. if it was just a cyst then I should be fine no later than tomorrow. A ruptured cyst is not even something that is always felt. I'm thinking maybe I had a bad one and it popped. I was feeling fine during that moment but it was because they had given me morphine and because I hadn't eaten anything. Later the pain and the other symptoms returned.

I tried the pain medication - Tramadol. It was way too much for my system. I was angry now. The doctor had only wanted to dope me up, because she didn't know what was wrong ... or because she dismissed my pain and figured I was making it all up.

I took that medication only twice and both times I felt like I was a million feet in the air walking on rainbows with unicorns. I saw a few images flash through my mind that were not reality. I see how people get addicted from pain meds. If they like feeling that way and experiencing that type of thing, I suppose. But, I hated it so I didn't take it anymore. I knew it was doing something extreme to my brain - not worth it. It's trash. Yes, the two times I took it, it did take away the pain but I was so loopy and that scared me so much. Actually, it did not take away the pain - it tricked my brain into not realizing that I was indeed, in pain. I do not like medication. Never have. Still don't ... even more so after that experience.

WE KEPT SEARCHING FOR ANSWERS & HELP

Finally, after we realized the emergency room doctor had been wrong because I was still in pain and having other symptoms ... we went to see my personal doctor. She had performed an HSG on me the day before the pain and other symptoms started. We'd called but the office was closed so we got in as soon as could. At the appointment it took her a few minutes to realize that something was seriously wrong. She gave orders to a nearby hospital (at which she had privileges) for them to admit me right away. She figured it was an infection that had occurred after the HSG she'd performed on me. She did not know for sure but she was going to do her best to figure it out and she had a course of action in place. I trusted her and felt, finally a doctor was listening to me and believing me.

Turns out, she was absolutely right. Thank God! It was an infection that had developed in my lower right abdomen. If she had not acted as fast as she did it could have spread even more and caused more damage than it already had. I'm grateful it did not make its way to any of my vital organs. Alhamdulillah.

MY BODY REJECTED THE ANTIBIOTIC

Before the HSG was done my doctor had prescribed Doxycyline (an antibiotic that is supposed to prevent or kill an infection that may occur. I was told to take my first one the morning of the procedure and I did just that. I remember waiting eating some banana and drinking either water or coconut water to take the first pill. There was no issues and no side effects at that time. Who would have known though ... my body actually rejected the Doxycycline. So, in fact, an infection did develop and that is what started all of pain and other symptoms. I was very sick and didn't realize how serious it was. Evidently, that is a rare occurrence but it happened to me.

After being in the hospital for 3 days they realized that m body still rejected the Doxycycline (even when they tried to give it to me through IVs). So, my doctor had to to change the antibiotics she'd ordered them to give me. The new ones worked. My body accepted them. Under the care of my doctor and the wonderful staff at Houston Methodist West, after only 3 days I was able to go home to continue to heal. I was discharged and put on a medication regimen for 2 weeks. The main concern was this - will the pain return? All praise due to God, it did not.

A MONTH LATER

I am now much better. My only qualm is that my taste buds are still not back to normal but Alhamdulillah (all praise due to God) I am able to eat regularly again. The infection my have done some internal damage but Alhamdulillah, I am here and there is no pain. All of the other symptoms have disappeared as well.

I tell you this story to remind you that sometimes we need help. I tell you this to ensure that it is okay to get help. It is okay if we can not always do it all on our own. Sometimes Allah will test us with certain things - health, finances, grief, etc. We are tested, I believe, to see how we respond. We are tested to see if we have the faith we say we do ... sometimes for purification and/or expiation. We are tested sometimes so others can receive their blessings by helping us and vice versa. And, we are tested sometimes for reasons that only God knows. But, we will be tested. That's for sure. I don't believe any of us are exempt.

To anyone who may struggle with getting help from others - whether it be physical, mental, emotional or any other form - do it. You know yourself and you know if you are going through something that you may not be able to handle all on your own. It may be embarrassing, difficult, and awkward but do it. Call the doctor. Call the therapist. Call the preacher. Healing (in all forms) starts by realizing we need help.

To my sweet husband who held my hand through all of this - I am so very grateful for you. May Allah bless you and all that you are.