~The Dark in You~

I left my ass in Mexico...

2012-05-19T17:01:00.000-05:00

I know it has been a while since I wrote an actual blog or update or made a video, so with my recent bout of sickness and recovery... then the fallout from the first meal after the recovery, I thought this would be an awesome place to get back in touch with everyone. Ready? Here we go...

So, as I said, I was sick. Had the ick for about a week and one of the symptoms was... how should I put this...? Shooting a jet of dark green Kool Aid from my backside. ^_^ I try to keep it classy here. Anyway, after a week of that, you tend to get a little... sensitive. Saturday rolls around and I feel fabu. So good in fact that I feel like putting solid foods back into my diet. I had recently gotten a menu on my door for Mexican food delivery. Gee, that sounds like an AWESOME idea. What could POSSIBLY go wrong with THAT?!

What follows are the messages between Stacy and I during what I call "The Incident"...

-(over FaceBook chat)-

Brad: OMG, so much omnom messican food... right at my door. So... full...

Stacy: So jealous. I had freakin' cereal.

Brad: Queso, guacamole, tacos, tamales, stuffed jalapenos, taquitos, chips, salsa, chile con carne, rice, beans, and shrimp quesadilla and SO much left over! Super cheap, too! $30

Stacy: You suuuuuck!

Brad: Omnomnom

Stacy: *extends middle finger in your general direction*

Brad: Heehee!

-(ten minutes later)-

Brad: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!!!!!! OOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! I have been shitting green liquid all day... so, my ass is a tad chapped.... just now... yeah... Messican revenge... OMG, THE BURNING!!! Take a paper cut, add vinegar, salt, and tabasco ... now put that paper cut on your ASSHOLE! I danced around the apartment like I was tying to bring the rain! I am scared to DEATH to shit now. Never in my life has my ass hurt so much, and I have had some big boys. OMG, it is on FIRE right now! I just want it to go numb at this point.

-(Stacy was no longer on FaceBook, so I switch to text)-

Brad: You need to get back on FaceBook right now and give me some sympathy. >_< Well, over text now, because I am back in the bathroom. :-(

Stacy: Awww I'm at my parents. But I'm here via text.

Brad: What the hell can I put on my ass to ease chaffed raw tender burning ass???? >_<

Stacy: Honestly? Tucks, Preparation H, or vitamin E.

Brad: Well, I don't have any of that right now, so picture the lovely image of Brad taking an ice cube, putting it in a wet washcloth, and clutching it between his cheeks as it dangles freely. >_< I'm so fucking classy.

Stacy: Lmfao rotf. I love it!

Brad: I DON'T! I don't want to hear SHIT from mothers and the pain of child birth! I am about to go feral wolf and gnaw my own asshole off!

Stacy: Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Brad: Unless those babies are made out of molten lava, they can STFU!

Stacy: Well...they are devil spawn... At least you can legally flush yours! LMAO!

Brad: LOL!!!! Touche. Very touche. OMG, this hurts so bad. I know it's funny shit, but it's also painful fire shit! >_< What the hell was I thinking getting Mexican after a week of Kool Aid shits and a full morning of raw ass wiping??? This is one time when "raw dog" isn't so fun.

Stacy: Raw dog is never fun. =l

Brad: I know they say if you eat something spicy that you should eat bread and drink milk... and am thinking very hard about soaking some Mrs Baird's in some Borden and just letting my ass have a nice meal and a soak. >_< Omnomnom...

Stacy: Lololololololol! My ass felt like that for months b/c of the chronic diarrhea I had from the divorce.

Brad: HOW did you get through it??? Not the divorce, the tender tushie?

Stacy: Lol...um...a lot "cleansing cloths" b/c they have viatmin e.

Brad: *sigh* I don't have those... *goes to the fridge*

Stacy: What about cortizone cream?

Brad: Nope, but my food came with some extra sour cream. Thinking about just slathering that on.

Stacy: Sour cream + sour ass = bad idea. You'll be farting cheese curds.

Rejection Junkie 3

2012-05-09T17:45:00.001-05:00

Rejection Junkie 3 05-09-2012

The faded look

The sideways smirk

The handsome hook

The filled notebook

The fastest lust

The hardest crush

The hair all mussed

The blood race rush

The yearn

The burn

My turn

Then spurn

The obvious intellect

The perpetual reject

The physical aspect

The want of perfect

My Life on the Triple Z-List

2012-05-01T21:42:00.000-05:00

How do you know that you have watched WAY too much Katy Griffin - My Life on the D-List? When you have a dream that YOU are a famous comedian.

Scene: Late at night in a grocery store, the bakery area, one person there closing up.

I asked the lady if she could stay and make me one thing before she leaves. She agrees (y'know, because I'm SO famous) and I hand her a bag of Hershey Kisses, the cherry cordial kind. I ask her to make me those sugar cookies with a kiss on the top. She makes them and I thank her with $1000 and "Thank you so much! Had you not put speed bumps on these damn things, the whole bag would've been gone in an hour!" She laughs.

Scene: Walking in a parking lot, in Kiki drag (side note, I am thin and hawt as hell!), and I see Shane Dawson.

He greets me (y'know, because I'm SO famous) and asks me how I'm doing. I answer, still in character, "Oh, busy as fugg! Just workin' and tryin' to raise my chidlins." "I didn't know you had kids!" "Yeah... little Jamiroquai and little *random clicks and whistles*, named after my ancestors from the motherland... Germany. You know..." He laughs.

Scene: My big ass mansion (y'know, because I'm SO famous), talking to Geoffrey, my live in butler (he's about 60).

"There's a wet spot in the living room! It was either you or the dog! Either way, someone is getting whacked with a newspaper!" He laughs and cleans it up.

I have issues... >_<

Feelings; Nothing more than feelings...

2012-04-17T10:54:00.000-05:00

Learn to laugh at yourself, because if you don't, someone else will beat you to the punch.

The first time that I learned to laugh at myself and not take life too seriously was when I was about six or seven years old. Growing up was difficult, especially since I was a giant butterball that had to ROLL everywhere I went. Being such an easy target, naturally, I was teased, picked on, and bullied often. Usually this would happen on the bus rides to and from school by the older kids. Little did they know, they were just adding fuel to a fire of fury that would build up to the levels of the Hiroshima bomb. Not that it would actually DO much when I unleashed it, but I would feel SO much better. One day, after an extremely extended amount of ridiculing, I uncorked my bottle. I was no longer in control of my body or limbs as they proceeded to WAIL of the kid behind me. I can still see the shocked look on his face as I boxed him about the ears, nose, and throat, all the while crying and shouting, "Fucking stop it! Why are you doing this to me?! I HAVE FEELINGS, TOO!" After the storm died down and I was told to re-take my seat, a sense of calm washed over me, like a blanket fresh from the dryer. I smiled. I felt that I finally got my point across and that my days of bullies was behind me. I thought that word would spread all around the schools "Don't fuck with Brandon Sharp! He'll kick your ass!" Little did I know, that was not the case. Little did I know, I just gave them another reason besided my portly frame to pick on me. Little did I know, I had just become a meme. A meme before memes were a 'thing'.

The next day on the bus, I noticed a flyer being passed around and giggles erupting when it reached the next intended person. I caught a glimpse of it. It was a picture of a local children's television show host smiling next to his puppet dog companion. "BJ and The Super Ones". I shrugged it off with an "Okay, I don't know what's so funny about that one particular picture, but whatever floats their boat." Later that day, as I boarded the bus, outright laughter in my direction was not only audible, but visually obvious as well. Not knowing what was going on, I took my seat. A minute later, a crumpled ball of paper hit my head by an unknown assailant. I un-crinkled it to see BJ staring at me with the perma-grin... but something else was added. There was a cartoon word bubble coming out of his teeth with the phrase "I have feelings, too!" For anyone else, the rage would've taken over and another bout of limb flailing and cry-shouting would commence... but thankfully I was born with an astute sense of humor. The only thing out of my mouth was immense laughter. I mean, c'mon. That was funny as fuck! This must've confused and scared the other kids because all was quiet save for my giggle-fit. I can only imagine that they thought they pushed me over the flippin' edge and that the next day I would get on the bus with a machete and show them my Jason Voorhees impersonation. After that, the teasing, taunting, and bullying never got to me again. I could actually point out what was being made fun of and join in with my own rapier wit which was worlds beyond the immature ribbing they attempted! That usually took the steam and fun out of the bullies' taunts, and they eventually just stopped all together thinking "What's the point?" I never realized that is what the ultimate outcome was; I was just laughing along and enjoying a joke!

So, yes, it DOES get better... but ya gotta meet better halfway and actually TRY to make it better. Don't just sit and wait for better to come to you... it may get lost on the way.

Now I leave you with a clip that I found of Cartoon Clubhouse/Good Time Gang/BJ and The Super Ones/or whatever the fuck it wanted to be called. Hell, after that day, I called it the "I Have Feelings, Too Show". Thanks, BJ, for helping me laugh at myself. ^_^

~~~(UPDATE)~~~

Brad: Wow, Unicorn Booty just posted about another gay teen taking his life due to bullies. Yep, I commented with a link to my blog.

Stacy: Well, it *does* get better.

Brad: Am I a bad person for not really sympathizing with these kids that are taking the easy way out instead of dealing with it like I had to do? I mean, it does suck that it happens and I DO wish it could stop all together, but dammit homo, man up!

Stacy J. Sciarra: LMFAO! "Dammit homo, man up!" is just not something you hear everyday!

Missah Yoo

2012-04-13T09:37:00.001-05:00

Stacy: How sad is it that I found it romantic to have non farted on twinkies?
Brad: I'm bawling as we speak.
Stacy: Mr yoo
Stacy: ...and by that I mean 'me too'
Brad: ROFLMAO!!! I was about to say! Who the hell is Mr. Yoo?!?!?!?!
Stacy: My fingers were a little... off center
Brad: "Missah Yoo, he from China, he like-a tha flied lice and egg lorr."
Stacy: Ahn non faahted on twinkies
Brad: "No, he like-a tha faahts."
Brad: "He first name is Fok. Fok Yoo like-a tha faahts."
Stacy: LMAO... ok. mood improved 13%
Brad: ^_^

And before any of you start playing the race card... can you really be racist of an imaginary man that you MADE UP?! o_0

Here & Gone

2012-04-13T08:48:00.000-05:00

Here & Gone 04-13-2012

Quell me with words that slip from your fingers

Kiss me with silence so hard that it lingers

Tell me your thoughts of unbridled emotions

Whisper your dreams of constant commotions

Lull me to sleep by breath from another

Keep me in deep, your labor of conquer

Wake me with hazy half kept promise

Then vanish completely when fully conscious

He Breathes In...

2012-04-13T07:08:00.000-05:00

He breathes in. A deep sigh through his dry cracked mouth. A sigh that would put the desert to shame. A sigh so deep it causes his diaphragm to bellow outward and push against his belt, as if wanting to break free of its leathery tyranny. Once his belly is full of oxygen, he spews out the carbon dioxide, disposing of all remnants that the sigh even took place. He looks up at the screen, the provider of his existence. Windows open, programs running, scripts scripting. The same thing, but on a different day. A different day that had happened five times before. He wished for the different. Something more than just another day of the year. Something more than the endless sighs. Something more than what kept his pants up. With a furrowed brow, he opens a blank notepad on the computer and proceeds to write... He breathes in...

Sometimes a Stacy is just a Stacy

2012-04-12T07:55:00.001-05:00

Brad: So, weird dream last night...

Stacy: Oooh tell me!

Brad: I was in prison... I don't know what for, but it doesn't matter. Couldn't have been TOO bad, though, because this was like a minimal security type place; open cells, community room with TV, board games, snack machines, and cots for naps, and everyone there was SUPER nice and copacetic. Well, not everyone; apparently there was this one group or gang that just took whatever they wanted, and by anything, I mean ANYTHING. So, there I was, lying on one of the cots, chatting with some chick that I do not recognize, and then I feel some guy lay down on top of me and start grinding his fully erect honkin' peen against my ass. I give a wide eyed WTF look to the girl and say "What the hell?!" She then tells me "He's a bug, you're a rug; bugs go anywhere and do anything they like, rugs just have to lie there and take it." I sigh, "Bug and rug? Well... fugg!" This causes everyone around us, my potential rapist included, to start cracking up. Then Mr. Big Dick pats me on the back and says "You're alright" then walks away.

Brad: Okay, Miss Dream Master... what in the ever loving hell does THAT mean?!?!?! o_0

Stacy: Ok, first of all prison typically represents feeling repressed, censored or trapped in some way... The fact that you specifically said "it was minimum" is also significant... Kinda sounds like it was work.

Stacy: The chick you didn't know represents the same sort of censorship. There's something in your life that you feel censored on. HOWEVER, since you were 'chatting', it could symbolize seeking advice or someone in your life that offers you insight (like ME) hehehehe.

Stacy: Sex is a complicated interpretation, but really, since you're gay in awake life and were dreaming about something gay sexual, that's actually VERY good. It means that you are accepting of yourself (and since sex didn't actually happen, that's about it) that's all that part meant. Some part of your life feels censored but not your sexuality

Stacy: ...and it was definitely me in your dream, you just didn't know it

Brad: LOL, with glasses, short hair, and a bit of pudge... sure, I can see it. LOL

Stacy: Just because it didn't LOOK like me doesn't mean it wasn't me. Yes, the world revolves around ME!

Brad: LOL, I gathered...... a LONG time ago.

Brad: I can hear this conversation in a different way... "I had a near rape dream last night." "Was I in it?!?!"

Brad: "... yes... pointing and laughing..."

Brad: LOL

Stacy: LMFAO ROTF! EPIC STATUS in the making.

These bots are getting pretty damn brazen!

2012-04-06T14:11:00.005-05:00

lonahqbbilinski: Hey wanna see my new clit ring ...i bought it to show it off!
ZaxxonQ: Keep the receipt...
lonahqbbilinski: Hey sweety, how r ya
ZaxxonQ: Right now... because of you... disgusted. >_<
lonahqbbilinski: Was starting to think no one wanted to chat with me...So watcha ya up to cutie?
ZaxxonQ: No one still does, we are all broke, cannot afford to "chat" with a bot, and I am at work trying to make a living in an HONEST way. Now please... go'way.
lonahqbbilinski: uggh no i'm not are u???? lolz
ZaxxonQ: go'way
lonahqbbilinski: Im just hangin out..I have the place to myself, my roommate left on vacation for the week so I get to play online in my thong...LOL
ZaxxonQ: go'way
lonahqbbilinski: So what ya wearin sexy? lolz
ZaxxonQ: go'way
ZaxxonQ: go'way
ZaxxonQ: go'way
ZaxxonQ: go'way
ZaxxonQ: go'way
lonahqbbilinski: I know we just met but im really turned on right now...Its just a little naughty fun on my web cam...You UUP for it sexy???
ZaxxonQ: *sigh* I'm gay, bitch. Go'way before I rip out your pretty new clit ring.
lonahqbbilinski: make me your bitch
ZaxxonQ: I already have a bitch; her name is Kenzi and she'll bite your snatch. Go'way.
lonahqbbilinski: make me your bitch
ZaxxonQ: Uh oh, bot's phonograph is scratched... *kick*
lonahqbbilinski: k my cam is wired thru a chat network to keep the yahoo kids away from me so dont worry if you dont have a cam or yours don't work ok? I gotcha covered baby!
ZaxxonQ: Oh good, you're back to your regular annoying self. Okay, I'm-a go now. You have fun with your new ring, cause that is the ONLY action you'll be getting. See ya!

Miner Sixty-Niner

2012-03-28T08:22:00.001-05:00

Stacy: I'm going to smoke... right after Steve stops messing with the trash.
Stacy: Maybe I should curl my hair while I wait. Because, you know, I'm working SO hard.
Stacy: Dammit! Steve just caught me curling my hair!
Brad: Why does it matter if he saw you do that? He hires such useless twats that just sit there, stare, and fart in their panties, you look like a damn miner in comparison!
Stacy: It just bothers me. I like to at least pretend that I work in the morning. LOL.
Brad: Yep... mining for hair... this new euphemism is brought to you by Brad.
Stacy: HAHAHAHHA!

This miner stumbled upon a vein of Adam Lambert shag

~~~(UPDATE)~~~

April: Kenzi looks like a little doughnut curled up in my lap.

Brad: Yep, a hairy doughnut. Oh lord... another one. >_<

A wild troll appears!

2012-03-21T11:57:00.000-05:00

Alright, for real... I want your genuine opinions on this. Was I wrong? Was I out of line? Do I need to take an "Internet Etiquette" or a "Just Shut Up and Take It!" class? o_0

io9.com is a site where the community is encouraged to post comments, and other people can comment on those posts. I for one think that if you have an opposing opinion, you should make a totally new thread that is all your own, if only to avoid arguments like this one below. Eventually it could turn into the playground fights of "Nuh-uh!" "Yuh-huh!" "Is not!" "Is so!" That is MY personal belief and opinion. Apparently not everyone agrees with this and I should just shut up and take other’s opposing opinions as they bash mine, then when I retaliate, they get to whip out the card of "Don't post a comment if you can't take the ridicule of other’s opinions". Okie dokie... with THAT mentality being played, I lay down my cards of "Don't poke a wasps nest if you don't want to get stung and then bitch about being stung" and "Don't dish it out if you can't take it".

... but, I will let you decide for yourself from the following thread that I started with by posting my personal humble opinion of an article on io9.com titled "Totally Badass Trailer for Battlestar Galactica’s Cylon War Prequel, Blood and Chrome"

If you can't read this, here: http://i.imgur.com/x2Yuo.jpg

New Glasses!

2012-02-24T16:29:00.000-06:00

Whatcha think?! Be HONEST!!!

I don't want yes men/women/hermaphrodies/non-sexed peeps (that covers everyone, right?) :-P

(click the pic to embiggen ^_-)

Ali Spagnola

2012-02-24T12:08:00.000-06:00

Oh, Ali Spagnola, how I love thee; let me count the ways! One, two, three, four, five, six... *sigh* Let's just pretend I went all the way to sixty, m'kay? Yes, I love every single one of your minute long ditties, and that isn't just the hooch talking. You bring such a unique charm to your performances, songs, videos, sites, and art, it's quite alluring, even without beer goggles. It's increasingly rare to find an artist that pours so much of themselves into what they do and love doing it, not just for the money, fame, hookers, or blow, but for the fans. You really deliver and speak to them, to us, and I find that ever so spectacularly fascinating. I could sit here and gush all day, but gurl, I’m-a try to hook you up and boost your sales. You deliver on the goods, and you totally earn my respect, my adoration, my loyalty, my straight razor if you ever need me to cut a bitch, and my friendship! ^_^

Oh, yeah, and my thirty bones. :-P

So, listen up, peeps! This is Ali. Ali has an album. That album is called The Power Hour Album. That album comes on a cute little 1GB USB thumb drive that is tucked away inside a groovy little shot glass. Wanna know more? Of course you do! So, play the video and prepare to be wowzered (yes, that just happened) by the amazing charm of Ali Spagnola… then get ready to whip out your credit card… or, y’know, if you are living in the NOW, your PayPal password... which you may feel free to share with me if you so please. ^_^

AliSpagnola.com

See? Now doncha wanna be one of the cool kids and get one of these nifty little fuckers?! ^_^ What's thirty dollars? That's chicken feed! (what, you don't feed your chickens money?) If you really need to watch the budget, just get the album by itself or download it (legally, bish... I'm watching you). Also, if you are not convinced that this chick-a-dee is worthy of your time or moolah, check this... she actually talks to her fans Feel free to send her tweets, drunk texts, or chat with her on her site! Ali really is a cool and friendly gal, and doncha want a friend like that? ^_^

(in the Meeboverse)
ZaxxonQ.com: Soooooo... think there will be a sequel to your album?! :-D
Ali Spags: haha possibly 40 more for a centurion
Ali Spags: i saw you just bought a shot glass :) thanks for the support!
ZaxxonQ.com: In-fuggin-deed, m'lady! ^_^ Always glad to support the pretty and charming artistes!
ZaxxonQ.com: So, how is the case against the horrid douche-bag going, or are you not allowed to leak the deets on that? :-/
ZaxxonQ.com: *hangs head because he just used 'deets'*
Ali Spags: hahaha! deets.
Ali Spags: case is still going on. super lame and super slow
Ali Spags: but i thiiiiiink we're almost done
ZaxxonQ.com: W00t! Wait, did I just w00t prematurely? That WAS a good w00t, right? Why does this conversation sound so familiar??? o_o
Ali Spags: enjoy that plushgun concert, by the way :) i just watched your latest video
Ali Spags: i opened for them once
ZaxxonQ.com: DOOD! You met DAN?!?!?!?!?!
ZaxxonQ.com: *jelly* >_<
ZaxxonQ.com: but, yeah, if you make it through to the Kiki vids, I apologize in advance. :-P
Ali Spags: haha yeah. they were openers at the show, too!
Ali Spags: freezepop were the headliners.
ZaxxonQ.com: In my perfect life, he is my hubby. *sigh* I mean, I love your album, too! Don't get me wrong! I guess you can be our maid or something. :-|
ZaxxonQ.com: lol
Ali Spags: have you seen "i want to write a song for you"?
ZaxxonQ.com: OMG, yes!
ZaxxonQ.com: I would LOOOOOOVE to do that once I have the funds! Huh... I just spent money on you instead of saving up for that... you just moved up from maid to saucy mistress on the side. ;-)
Ali Spags: hahaha! i'm thrilled with being the adjective "saucy"
ZaxxonQ.com: LOL!!! Ditto! ^_^ (we just had a total Ghost moment) :-P
Ali Spags: hahaha!!!!
ZaxxonQ.com: well, the booze is really kicking in (yes, I vow to only text and IM you while plastered) and I should head to bed. Work comes at 5am. >_< I am ecstatic to hear the case is coming to a (hopefully happy) close. Keep up the awesome work and NEVER give up! ^_^ *hugs*
Ali Spags: awww, thanks hun! have a good one :D

(in the Twitterverse)
@alispagnola Would you mind terribly if I re-posted on my site our conversation from tonight and promoted your site? ^_^ Pretty please?
@ZaxxonQ Wellllll. . . Ok go for it :) Good chatting with you, darlin'!
@alispagnola W00t! Will whip something up while at work... and sober... not gonna be WORKING... so I might as well do something useful! ^_^
@ZaxxonQ Haha you'd better hope your boss doesn't read your tweets
@alispagnola My boss is Irish... I'll just give that free download card from the shot glass to him. That will make everything better. ^_^

~~~(UPDATE)~~~

(a conversation with Stacy while trying to push this article)
Stacy: Yo. What are you instructing me to buy?
Brad: Click the link, silly! LOL! YOU might not be the target clientele, though... (Stacy does not drink)
Stacy: I'm clicking and reading...
Brad Sharp: She is SO VERY fuggin' charming in her video... I HAD to buy one... and then question my sexuality seeing as a quirky girl made me buy something that a beefcake would not... o_o
Stacy: LOL!!!

~~~(UPDATE PART 2)~~~

She really does rock! She put ME on HER blog! I guess fair's fair! ^_^

http://powerhourleague.tumblr.com

02-19-2012 aka WINNING!

2012-02-19T16:09:00.000-06:00

I WON STUFFS!!! ^_^
Thank you Lemonhead and Plushgun & Dan Ingala!!!!!!!!!!!!
https://www.facebook.com/lemonhead
https://www.facebook.com/Plushgun

~~~(UPDATE)~~~

I just won an 8GB iPod Touch from an arcade machine at a bowling alley! O_O Played the game three times, paid $2 each time... so, sure, I think $6 is a fair price for one of these. :-P What the eff is going on, lately? I've been winning stuffs, and it is all music related! Kinda creeped out right now...

True story: right when I retrieved it from the bottom of the arcade machine, I turn around to see four little boys that I am SURE were minions of The Messican Meddler.
(links to refresh your memory: The Messican Meddler & Goodbye 2011... WTAF 2012?!).
"How did joo get that? How many times did joo play? Can I have eet?", and then they just continued hovering around me like flies to caca just staring at me in a mixture of awe and desperation. For real... they asked if they could HAVE it. Oh, yeah, sure! Here you go, random strange street urchins that I have never met or fathered. *sigh* Silly chidlins.

Sesame Street, this ain't.

2012-02-01T15:46:00.000-06:00

Random Comment: Your welcome

Rochelle: OH SHE USED THE WRONG YOUR/YOU'RE! >_<

Brad: Would it be rude to post this?

I love my welcome with open praise
Perhaps you might remember this phrase
"You're" is "you are", as in "you're fine"
"Your" is in possession, as if it is yours and not mine
If you switch the two, 'tis a ghastly nuisance
Use "your welcome" and I'll be looking for the rest of the sentence

Rochelle: Oh, GOD, no! Don't post that! That would be rude! Educational, but rude!

Brad: But I made it into a jaunty little poem! She could dance a jig and remember grammar better! ^_^

Rochelle: ROFLMAO!!!

Oh, Deven Green, how I love you; let me shpank the ways...

2012-01-11T11:58:00.000-06:00

If you do not know who this fabulush woman is, you simply MUSHT look her up (Deven Green - Face Full of Fashion)! You will roll on the floor laughing like a crack whore getting her first hit of the day! This was the first "Brenda" video that I ever saw; there ARE more, but you really gotta Google for them, and I don't mean the moisht googling, either. These are based on vanity videos that were, for lack of a better term, a meme or a fad in the 80's. Lots of stars felt that they were SO amazing they thought they would do their fans a favor and take them on video tours of their homes, their wardrobes, diet plans, various belongings, and other little self administered ego trips. Now, they are the sad remnants of a once radical and lush decade and the butt of many a joke. This one in particular was a series of dubbed videos that Deven did staring the soap opera has-been Brenda Dickson called "Welcome to my Home". Ever since they became popular, Brenda fans have written angry letters to Deven begging her to take them down. Deven did comply, but with the rabid fan-base that had already been established, you just can't keep these videos from popping up (thankfully). You'd think that Brenda would appreciate having her name on the lips of people once again! Oh well. Anyhoo, here is the first video (that I was subjected to), prompted me to become a rabid fan myself, coaxed me and my friends to play Brendaisms every time we get together (making up phrases that "Brenda" would say), and whip up my own Brendaism posts below.

Enjoy, ya buncha junkies! ^_-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I showcase all my handmade nighties before getting my full three hours of rest. This one I made out of doilies and cheesecloth. A waft of Gouda is so relaxing and comforful. Blue and green leopard spot backdrop?! Yesh, please! Hand on impossibly thin waist, stare vacantly, and *click*. Another successful slumber shot. I always sleep standing up, just like Macy's mannequins. Also, I never close my eyes. I don't even blink for that matter. I don't want to miss any shugar daddies that may pass my hypnotic gaze. How else am I to land that money boat? Now, if you'll excushe me, I must retire for the evening, but feel free to keep looking at me. I may be resting, but fashion never sleeps. Good night and enjoy your yum-yums."

"If you really want to make a fashion statement, and really, who doesn't, say it with shoulders! People just can't help but lishten! Don't just get shoulder pads; go the extra mile and get real shoulders like Muffy McFlat-Chest here. If you really want to make that commitment, get shoulder implants! Guaranteed to make EVERY outfit fashion. Also, pick a color that is sure to demand attention when you walk in the Grand Gala Ballroom. Take this color for example; banshee's scream salmon. You'll turn heads faster than you turn tricks! Another helpful tip is to slick your hair back with WD-40. It'll stay in place AND stop untimely squeaking. With your hair up, people can soak in every ounce of your attire; like cows to a salt lick. Moooooo. Oh dear, it looks like she dropped something. Poor thing has lost her self-reproach. She's shameless! Shee what I did there? It's called a antigdoke... antidork... a clever joke. Go ahead and use it. First hit's free."

After you soak in the videos, feel free to post your own Brendaisms!!! Spread the joy!

***UPDATE***

Here's a bonus video; her latest and greatest masterpiece! ^_^

Black Morning 1-11-2012

2012-01-11T07:48:00.001-06:00

Will prolly be posting more poems on here since I have re-joined the poetry group. Enjoy! ^_^

Black Morning 1-11-2012

The morning cracks

Shatters my slumber

Torn awake

ripped asunder

reach for the fuel

the mug of mud

to pep me up

and rush the blood

My dark nectar

My liquid lover

My saccharin surrender

My beautiful bitter

An empty cup of hot

How I love the linger

Helps me to give

the morning the finger

Solo Sequel 01-10-2012

2012-01-10T13:40:00.001-06:00

I posted this on a poetry group, one that I had left a while back but have decided to join again, and just HAD to post it here for archival sake. It is a companion piece to another poem, in my book, titled "Solo" which I will post here as well.

Yes, the Beat-Off Bard is back. :-P

(That's BARD, not BRAD; one is clever, the other is just sad. [Hey! there's a poem right there! ^_^])

Solo 11-11-1999

Isolation-

My elusive eternal dark lover,

my right hand man,

my security blanket under the covers.

Stare dumbfounded into the night.

A solo beat rhythms my heart.

Perspire steam and salt so sweet.

A single sigh just to start.

Exotic fantasies fulfilled.

Divine desires dreamt, live.

The darker the sin, the better.

Giving it all I can give.

Ecstasy discovered within thyself.

A good singer needs no band.

Who knows you better than you?

Practice makes perfectly talented hands.

Solo Sequel 01-10-2012

The fruit of my loins

is never ripe

plucked too early

with stammering hype

A quickie, a tug

A scenario perfection

A bared solo soul

An unneeded protection

Dry, wet,

I'll take what I get

Fast, slow,

At home, on the go

Caught in a tissue

Tossed without regret

is that abortion

or child abandonment?

***UPDATE*** A fellow group member commented on my poem with this:

Jerking the chicken

Choking it too,

Why can't the girls

Have some fun with words too?

Not a word about flowers,

Or tending a garden,

We don't even have

A good word for hard-on.

LOVE IT!!! ^_^

I've just been Ma'am-ogram'd

2012-01-09T16:11:00.002-06:00

Stacy: I think I want to leave 5 minutes early and take Angelina to dance class tonight.
(Angelina is her new sexy Corvette)
Brad: Show off the girl, huh?
Stacy: Yes ma'am!
Stacy: MA'AM?!?!?! What the fuck?!?!
Brad: *looks at penis* Ma'am? o_0 *looks at Kiki's wig* Never mind. -_-
Stacy: LMFAO! Touche

Hey! YouTube! I OWN me!

2011-12-29T16:28:00.000-06:00

Firebird 12-28-2011

2011-12-28T16:57:00.004-06:00

Firebird 12-28-2011

In a glance that turns to fire

burns so brilliant, yet so brief

seething romance; heated desire

left in refuse and ashen grief

A passing gust takes away

the flakes of love that once were

to pass on in frightful fray

and pile complacent and endure

Sitting alone in shifting stance

wallowing deep in blacken soot

nostalgia over happenstance

given sight beyond astute

The flames erupt once again

ever glowing, growing, and brash

rebirth among the bleaker Zen

like a phoenix from the ash

Ho ho h-oh my GOD!

2011-12-27T10:45:00.002-06:00

Stacy: How was your Christmas?

Brad: Was good. Kenzi, upon first meeting Mom and Mam-Ma, was pulling on her leash away from them, went ape shit berserk, and tried to bite Mom. Was very odd. She never did that before. Once we got to Mom's and she started with the treats, Kenzi warmed up real quick; even curled up in bed with her. LOL, silly little black bitch. :-P Then, at the gathering the next day, she just stayed in my lap the entire time.

Stacy: LMFAO @ silly little black bitch.

Brad: For real! She acted like mom's hands were made of knives, covered in tarantulas, and set on fire! Freaked the fuck out! Hair stood on her back and everything! BEAST MODE ACTIVATE! RAWR!!! O_O

Stacy: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I need beast mode.

Brad: Then, back at Mom's house, she reached down for her, Kenzi ran, Mom gave chase, caught her, then made a face and looked around, "Did she just poop?!" I look at her puzzled, "No." Then it hit me; a VERY sharp, pungent odor reeking of fresh hell and squirty shits. Fuckin' A, I thought she crapped battery acid! Nope, just rancid fear farts. Mom scared the toots outta her. Good to know she has a natural defense against predators.

Stacy: LMFAO ROTF... Oh... My... God.

Brad: "Boy how-dee, that was stout!" <--- Gotta love a redneck mom.

Stacy: Sounds like I missed a good time!

12-22-2011 aka Christmas Eve Eve Eve

2011-12-23T21:13:00.002-06:00

MAR 08

2011-12-20T11:13:00.001-06:00

A present to all of you.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE!!!

^_^

(psst... click it. ^_-)

Why I don't breed...

2011-12-13T08:47:00.003-06:00