Good grief, a pumpkin shortage?

by Barbara Murray, October 6th, 2008, 7:00 am

Amid all the doom-and-gloom news of late — be it bank failures; the plunging stock market; the government’s (i.e., we, the beleaguered taxpayers’) bailout plan; mortgage foreclosures; continuing layoffs; the insane price of gasoline; rising food prices; stagnant wages; the war in Iraq; the Taliban in Afghanistan; the health care mess; hurricanes; floods; global warming; melamine (suspected or confirmed, in countries all over the world) in foods like infant formula, the cheese on Pizza Hut pizzas, and Cadbury candy; not to mention the smarmy campaign ads for the Presidential Election That’s Been Dragging On Far Too Long And Can’t Be Over Soon Enough — amid all this and more, comes some more small but disheartening news.

It seems there will be a pumpkin shortage this Halloween. Reports from places as disparate as Pennsylvania, Texas, Ohio, Colorado, Vermont, and Illinois are blaming the weather (the summer was too cold, too hot, too wet, too dry; there were hailstorms from hell and floods worthy of Noah) and even herds of ravenous deer for a poor pumpkin-growing season and a resultant scant harvest.

Farmers may be happy about the attractive prices of this year’s supply and demand pumpkin economics, and that’s all well and good. But it’s a bitter disappointment to all of us ghouls and goblins who are hungry to partake in the yearly ritual of scooping the goopy glop out of a bright round melon, carving and cutting the scariest face ever, finding just the right spot on the front stoop for our creation, and, finally, with happy memories of our costumed younger selves roaming neighborhoods long ago soothing our worldly worries, bending to light the candle we’ve placed inside it.

The brightly wrapped candy is in the big bowl usually used for popcorn, the scary music is feeding though the outdoor speakers, the porch light is on. We’re ready for the onslaught of the local kiddies, their neat-o glow-in-the-dark plastic candy buckets or humble “paper or plastic” grocery bags clutched in their eager little hands. We’re ready for the door-bell ringing and front-door knocking, as high-pitched and not very scary cries of “trick or treat” waft through the neighborhood.

But not enough pumpkins!? They’re not that hard to grow. Just one vine took over a good portion of my garden plot a couple of years ago. What are they doing, making ethanol out of pumpkins now, the corn having been all used up?

What are wannabe zombies, skeletons, ninjas, or any number of superheroes to do? (I myself was going to wrap myself in Astroturf and go to any party that needs my presence as a Chia Pet.) It’s enough to make Schroeder plunk his head down on his tiny piano or have Charlie Brown cry out a plaintive “Rats” or make Linus, waiting for the Great You-Know-Who, hug his blanket in small comfort and opine, “Good grief!”

My plan to overcome this situation is to haunt farmers’ markets and roadside stands bright and early from now until Halloween in order to score one of the big orange orbs from the threatened scant supply. Then maybe I’ll break open the candy early and drown my grief in chocolate (but not Cadbury’s).