Why I'm Not Married... Yet

In discussing Twitter as a "chat room", Jeremiah asked me if I was married. Here is my reply: 

I can't get married yet - I need to find her on Facebook, make sure she has a MySpace page, she will need to tell her friends about the proposal via twitter, her family will find out via rss on her blog. I will propose via an advertisement on CenterNetworks, PhpAdsNew will tell me when she clicks the ad, Xobni will tell me when she replies and how she connected me. The ad will click to a video on Viddler with the proposal with of course timed tagging when the ring is shown and again a timed comment from her will start the "i do" process. Naturally she will need to pass the eHarmony matching tests and if I find a fake profile on Match.com, she's out.

Once she accepts we will work to get the news on propeller, digg and reddit. LinkedIn will allow us to decide who will attend from both businesses except for my new friends in Silicon Valley - they left LinkedIn for Facebook. Music of course will need to be drm-free and will come from either Amie Street or INDISTR. How will we pay for it? Easy, her loans will come from Prosper, mine from Lending Club. Where will we stay? We will use UpNext for that help, but only if we decide to get married in NYC. You might be wondering how we will decide where people sit, that's easy too - a heatmap from CrazyEgg and then monitoring movements with ClickTale. The wedding wiki will come from Wetpaint and the groomsman wiki from PBwiki. Food ideas come from Savory but due to wiki abuse, those changing chicken to beef, we will send out Renkoo invites instead, and traineo will take care of helping me fit into my tux. Weatherbill will guarantee the sun will shine on the day we select, which by the way will be between the Web 2.0 and Demo conferences. FreshBooks will handle the invoicing and billing, and FeedBurner will make sure that our subscriptions actually attend. Event workers will be hired from Craigslist.

Guests will check Reevoo for reviews on the gifts we want, women will use StyleDiary for info on their attire, while men will check the proper bow-tie setup on Wikipedia. Smart links from AdadptiveBlue will help the guests find the best prices for the gifts, and Zoho Sheet will keep each guests plans in order. Only those on the TechMeme leaderboard will be able to guarantee a seat, others will need to game a slot to get in. Not sure yet whether we will use KickApps or Magnify.net for the wedding social network. I know the cake decorator will be found via a search using Yahoo and directions will use the new Mapquest beta. We will use StreetEasy to find a place to live once married as both of our apartments is too small for both of us. Scoble will record the event on Kyte.tv, iJustine will interview guests, Calacanis will make us a Mahalo page as a gift and will push why weddings between humans are better than those of computers.

And after the ceremony, we will Google the new married name in the hopes that results will begin to appear and shortly thereafter a new Wikipedia page will be created. Once we get back from the honeymoon we found on Travelzoo and twittered, we will take all the crappy gifts and put them on eBay. I can only hope that we always remain in love and don't end up in the Deadpool.

With all of that work to be done, now do you understand why I am not married yet? Maybe Web 3.0 will make this process easier!