The Online Dating Coach

5 Tips for Successful Dating – Both Online and In Person

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 08:45:00 +0000

5 Tips for Successful Dating – Both Online and In Person

There are many advantages to dating online, among them the potential to meet someone that you might like to bring into your life on an up-close and personal basis. Although dating online differs in many ways from its real world equivalent, there are some basic protocols you should follow if you wish for your endeavors to be successful. What follows is a list of 5 things you can do to date successfully online and (hopefully) in person, if you so wish.

Be honest. As the saying goes, “honesty is the best policy,” and should be applied at all times when dating online. Just as you don’t want to be misled by someone online, extend the same courtesy to your prospective suitors. Don’t make false claims about any aspect of who you are. The most important thing is to be open, honest, and true to yourself at all times.

Maintain your individuality. Don’t change for anyone, especially a potential suitor. You must do what makes you happy and refer to rule number one if you are ever considering modifying who you are for someone else. Our differences are what make us interesting to others, so be an individual—it’s far more interesting.

Establish boundaries early. You can always loosen the rules later, but it’s far harder to rein things in once they begin to spiral out of your control. Let your online suitor know what is and is not appropriate. If you are just being casual and trying to meet new people, don’t encourage flirty or sexually explicit talk. Respect is hard to earn if you allow behavior that makes you uncomfortable. This can create unnecessary tension and awkwardness as well.

Keep the balance. Attraction is based on push-pull theory, or the idea that you want what you cannot have and the same rules apply with online dating. Don’t be available all the time; this is a sign of neediness that is the equivalent of attraction death. Keep the mystery alive and intriguing without being dishonest. Be the first to end conversations and let them wonder what’s coming next. As things develop, the cat and mouse game will evolve, but don’t appear desperate from the get-go.

Take your time. There is absolutely no reason to rush things. An advantage of dating online is that it is done on your terms and can grow if you want it to. Don’t rush off to meet someone you barely know. If the suitor is worth meeting, he or she will be patient enough to realize that you are someone who knows what they want, not just another person looking to hook up.

This post was contributed by Kelly Kilpatrick, who writes on the subject of the best dating site. She invites your feedback at kellykilpatrick24 at gmail dot com.

WestEastCafe.eu - Review

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 18:43:00 +0000

If you're new to the idea of Internet dating then it's important that you find a service that can give you confidence and make the whole online free dating experience as smooth and easy as possible.

WestEastCafe.eu, I believe, can do this for you.

The website, itself, is designed with simplicity in mind and is both attractive and clean to look at. Registration is a breeze with no technical problems occurring; even the confirmation email arrived very quickly. The whole process, including completing in the extended profile information, can be finished within 10 minutes or less. Even uploading an image for your profile is easy and quick. Try uploading a video or an audio recording of yourself to really enhance your profile. This will increase your chances of finding that perfect match.

When you've registered and filled out as much as your profile as you'd like, your homepage then gives you all the information you need to use the site efficiently; everything is literally just one click away. On many dating and social networking sites, I've been disappointed by the lack of contacts available for me (I'm looking for friendship only) but there are a number of potential matches on WestEastCafe.eu that will keep me signed up to the site for awhile.

The dating service caters for people from Europe and allows free contact (email and instant chat), search, smiles (these are used to make quick, initial contact to see if the other member is likely to be interested in you; very handy if you're shy!) and check out who's visited your profile. Other worthwhile and interesting features include your own blog which you can set to private if you wish and a calendar.

Currently, there's plenty of information to read if members require more details about the service and how it works or if more help and support is needed. To be quite honest, the site is so easy and straight forward to use, I would be very surprised if the Admin receives that many queries.

Overall, I would be happy to keep my current profile active on this online free dating site to see how it progresses in the near future. I would also recommend it for anyone who is looking for friendship, dating, activity partners or help with language difficulties.

Dating After A Nasty Break-Up

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 18:24:00 +0000

Dating After A Nasty Break-Up

by slinkydating

Dating is not like riding a bicycle. You can't simply start dating again after years of inactivity and instantly get the hang of it after only few tries.

Oftentimes, a guy who has just experienced divorce or the break-up of a serious relationship will go through a dearth of dates for months or even years.

That 's normal, according to psychologists. It simply means that the man is still genuinely mourning his lost love instead of trying to numb the pain by dating a series of sometimes inappropriate partners.

But what if you truly want to move forward yet still have great difficulty getting dates? How do you get out of that lonely rut?

The first step is to determine why you're not getting even a nibble of romance. Once you've done that, then you can figure out what to do to climb out of your dateless hole.

After a break-up, there are usually two main reasons why men experience a dating drought. First, they may not yet be ready to date again. And second, their dating style and strategies may be wrong.

You may be lonely, fed up with being dateless and eager to start dating again, but it does not necessarily mean you are ready to do so. Just because your ex-spouse has signed the final divorce papers, it does not mean you are prepared to meet new people.

Anger, bitterness and the pain of betrayal can sometimes linger after a bad break-up. These are feeling you have to first come to terms with. If left unresolved, they will rear their ugly head even during the most casual dating scenarios and severely affect your chances of moving on.

You might be thinking, that couldn't possibly happen to me. Try asking yourself a few things. Do you project negative or defensive vibes to the opposite sex? Do you find yourself talking about your ex-partner or ex-wife too much? Do you try too hard to be liked (a subconscious attempt to get over rejection)? Do you feel shy and uncomfortable talking to women you find attractive?

If the answer to any of these questions is 'yes', then take a good hard look at your situation. Perhaps you need more time to heal or regroup. Perhaps you need to re-assess what you really want. Remember that what you wanted in your twenties may not be the same as what you want now that you are in your thirties or forties.

Now, if you've finished healing and reassessment but still can't get a date, maybe your problem is logistical rather than emotional. It may be time to update your dating strategies. For instance, when trying to meet people, do you still head to the same places you used to visit when you were single? Do you try to find romance in clubs and bars? Do you only go out when you're with your posse of single friends?

Try a different approach like online dating or dating events and mixers. Immerse yourself in new activities and make them a regular part of the schedule. Try looking in non-intimidating venues such as bookstores instead of bars.

When you do date someone, look for a woman who shares your interests and not only as a romantic pursuit. Find common ground first and perhaps romance will follow. And most of all, be patient. Don't expect sparks to fly right away.

At the end of the day, remember that it will take time to heal your wounds, but trust in the process - it IS supposed to hurt (otherwise you would be a cold hearted robot and very few women love guys like that) and it WILL get better.

Just give it time, be mindful of your self-talk, and get back out there and just LIVE life again, and when the time is right, you will meet someone special again and connect with her.

Just have faith...

About the Author

Jodie Brittain is the CEO of Slinky Dating Australia, a unique Australian online dating service, offering singles access to people searching for friendship, relationships, romance and love.

Slinky - http://www.slinky.com.au - is Free to join, and welcomes single Australians everywhere to try out our service and meet someone special today.

Article Source: Content for Reprint

Random thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 09:36:00 +0000

How the lyrics of specific love songs suddenly make sense when you're in love or are in the process of falling in love with someone...Namely, Annie's Song by John Denver.
How, as with making love (or is this just me..?), writing needs to be done on a regular basis to keep the juices flowing and all the important cylinders firing with force, passion and accuracy.
How much love and desire can really hurt when you're apart...
How I can write a profile on a dating site to attract men but cannot write a profile or ad to attract women.
How one person can have a completely different idea and view of what constitutes a 'friendship' compared to another. Or, perhaps my views are old fashioned or out of date.
How being bisexual does not automatically mean that you are going to jump into bed with everything that moves! Yes, the potential for attraction is there, but it doesn't mean it will happen and it doesn't mean that you're going to act on it!
How as I get older I'm attracting a different sort of man and more frequently too, than when I was younger.
How you can be sexy and not be aware of the fact at all!
That sexiness comes with confidence and the fact that you know what you want and how to get it and not about how good your figure is or how perfect you are or aren't. Body flaws are sexy, too!!
How wearing high heels when you're not used to them can knacker your feet up.

How many men (and women) have you met from the internet?

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 13:15:00 +0000

This is a question I answered in March 2007 on Inks Goes Freelance. It still applies today and it's more suited to this blog now that I've changed IGF's topics. I shall moving all dating posts from IGF to The Online Dating Coach over the next few days or so:

and 'Where are the best places to find interesting people?'

I think I know more people from the internet than I have met. I think it's roughly about 8 or 9 people that I have actually met in the flesh. Half of these I met before I moved to London in the early days of my experience of the internet. One good contact was from a guy (C) who lived just 2 miles away. If I hadn't have gone online I would never have met him at all. It's weird how small the world can be sometimes.

Some have become close friends of who I've met once but have known for 8 years+, and the others are just people I've met once or twice (didn't get on or for reasons like that), some I've been friends with but have grown apart (A (female)) from for one reason or another. I'm still friends with her, but we hardly contact each other now. One or two have become good, long relationships (still ongoing!) of people I've grown to love and respect.

I've never had a really bad experience with meeting people off the internet but I think I've been lucky, no scrap that, extremely lucky. Two relationships went sour but not because of the type of person they were but mainly due to circumstances, i.e moving further away from them, misunderstandings, etc.

The sites from which I've met these friends have been varied. One or two have been from a chatroom which no longer exists. A few have been from social networking sites, from support groups and writing communities and the rest have been from online dating sites.

So, it's all a bit of a mix-match, lol but I've never regretted meeting or getting to know any of these people. I should warn you to be careful, though, because as I said, I've been extremely lucky with all the people I've met.

My Advice:

Get to know someone really well before you meet up with them. I communicated with many of my friends for months via email, phone and letters before I took the chance. Ok, I know it's not a foolproof method of being safe but it does help.

Meet up in a public place, preferably one with lots of people around. If you live in an area like London, keep contact via mobile down to a minimum.

If possible, tell someone you know where you're going, who you're meeting up with and where you're likely to be during the time you're out.

Sites that I would recommend, for now, to try to find interesting people are:

Social Networking Sites:

Okcupid
Xpeeps (Adult community! If you're easily offended or prudish, don't join this one.)
Myspace.com

There is absolutely no need to pay for any of the dating sites you join. It's really not necessary when there are plenty of good, 100% free dating sites out there. Beware of sites that tell you that they are 100% free but when you eventually try to contact or reply to someone, you are prompted for payment details. If you would like a list of dating sites that I recommend which are free, just leave a comment to this post :)

Question submitted by J. from London. Thankyou!

Why are you looking for friends on dating sites or services?

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 08:38:00 +0000

A question I'm often asked whilst searching for friends is, "Why are you looking for friends on dating sites or services?"

Err, duh! I look for friends on dating sites because they allow you to do so! It seems to be a common thought or myth that dating sites are just for dating but they are not. They are for dating, friendships, activity partners and more. Most dating sites will advertise that they are friendship sites, too. In fact, successful relationships of a romantic kind usually start off as friends and develop into something more as time goes on.

Yes, I agree that there are sites out there specifically for friendships (the ones I've joined have been expensive or have not given me any contacts at all) but if you're looking for friends online and off, don't just limit yourself to these sites. Believe it or not, I have found friends on dating sites which include:

Smooch.com
PlentyofFish.com

but, unfortunately, none of them have worked out.

Of course there are the kind of sites that enable you to look for pen friends which is okay if you're happy to be in contact with friends from all over the world. But, what if you're just looking for friends in your own country or even in your own town?

One suggestion would be to join one or more of the many social networking sites on the Internet. These include:

Myspace.com
Facebook.com
Bebo.com etc.

I've found online friends (both male and female) from these sites but have yet to meet any of them! and my Myspace account is used not just for promotion but to keep in contact with friends I've already made.

I've tried so many sites that are just for friendships but I've been disappointed by most; some I'm chatted up on, others I get no responses at all so I would be very interested to hear from anyone who has joined a site (preferably free) for friendships and found it to be a good service.

What have been your experiences?
Are you disappointed with the lack of choice of sites to join if you're looking for friends?

Make sure you upgrade your account...

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 09:46:00 +0000

Yet again, I've found myself lured to join a site with the promise that it was 100% free. Unfortunately, I didn't get to discover that this wasn't the case, until I was at the point of completing my profile and verifying my email address.

Then, I happen to glance to the left sidebar and what did I find?

A little note saying: 'Make sure you upgrade your account otherwise you won't be able to email other members.'

Crap...

So, now I'm stuck with the decision as to whether I should leave my account active for a while to see if other members contact me or do I leave? I've already been favourited by one member (female) but I don't think I'll hear anything from her. She's probably in the same position as me.

Since that alert, I've received nothing else.

Update:

I've removed my account from said dating site.

Online Dating - my experience so far

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 08:17:00 +0000

Online dating always seems like a good idea at the time but as the internet is international the likelihood of you finding the right person or even the right gender that's looking for the same as you, in the right location is extremely remote.

Even if the website is plastered with claims of a huge database of members and 100% free dating, your chances of getting a match is still highly unlikely. I suppose it could all depend on the gender that you are seeking and the type of relationship you are looking for, too. Of course, I could be wrong but this is what I've discovered so far.

Finding the right site for you is all hit and miss, too, I'm afraid. There are no guarantees that you will get emails or messages, be placed on a member's favourite list or even a profile view on any site out there on the net. It might be said that if you're not willing to pay for the service then you are restricting your chances even further. That may be the case, but is there any benefit to being one member in amongst thousands of other desperate daters? Isn't there then a risk that you would be wasting your time and your money?

Sites that do not charge for anything on their site which includes messaging other members are definitely better in my view than signing up to a site that claims 100% free dating, only to ask for your credit card details when you eventually find your match and want to email them. These sites very often have no warning that you will need to pay in order to email another member on the site. Account cancellation, here I come.

Believe it or not, there are now a lot more sites that do not charge for use of their services now than there ever used to be. Though, like I said, it's still very hit and miss to find the most productive site with regards to contact and potential matches. You also have to be very careful as to what you are looking for. If you're looking for a partner of the same sex, this is not always catered for on every site out there. Also, if you are only looking for casual sex or fun, that fact alone can get you kicked off some dating sites, too.

In my experience, if you're looking for swinging, extra-marital affairs (even if your partner knows about it) or 3sum fun, don't sign up to any of these sites. Your profile will undoubtedly get removed without warning:

Smooch.com
Midsummer's Eve

But, what can you do to guarantee contact or matches?

Posting a profile pic is a must. Nothing is worse than discovering endless streams of potential matches and you have no idea of what they look like. No profile pic is guaranteed to lose you a potential date at the first hurdle.

Fill in as much as your profile as you can. Highlight the things that you are looking for and state clearly what you're not interested in. Don't lie at any point in your profile.

Find a site that you feel comfortable and happy surfing or using. Do a search first to find out if there is enough members that match your preferences before joining up. I've had to place some profiles on hold because there's only one or two members on there that match what I seek! One of those happened to be me.

If you receive no activity on your account at all over say a month or less, depending on your patience levels, consider either removing your account or hiding it from searches until the site picks up. If it doesn't, remove it altogether.

Don't be tempted to pay for dating. If you pay, and you get nothing in return then you've wasted your money. Join a free site to begin with and consider an upgrade if the site allows if it shows promising activity.

Things that may annoy you whilst signing up to some online dating sites:

Sites that list all the countries available in the world but when you pick yours, you find that this particular site doesn't cater for it. Then why list all of them? Why not list only the countries that you cater for so that poor unsuspecting people don't waste time filling out your registration form?

Sites that allow you to fill in one or two pages of registration form only to then tell you that you are unable to register on this site because some members have complained about the frequency of certain relationships e.g. couples with bisexual female and straight male, contacting them for dates. Mmm, why don't you then give your members the ability to block messages from particular members i.e. single men or couples. Why exclude whole member groups for any reason at all?

Sites that allow you to join stating that they are 100% free only to then say you have to pay to contact other members.

Sites that don't give you the option to delete or remove your profile without having to contact Support.

Sites that wait for you to join, contact other members, fill out your profile, approve your profile only to then remove you from their site because you're breaching their TOS.

Here's some problems you may have to face whilst using online dating sites:

Scams or emails from people asking for money. Complain to the site owner without delay who will then remove said profile of offender.

Contact or messages from people you don't want to hear from. This is inevitable. You state for example, no men under 20 and you get emails from just these sort of men. People are notorious for not reading profiles.

Images of people that do not belong to the member but you! Haha! Seems funny but it does happen. You realise that someone has pinched one of your own copyrighted images and are using it for their profile.

Most sites will not allow you to post any URL's or contact information within your profile. That's a pain to be quite honest but rules are rules. You may be removed from the service if you do.

To swing or not to swing..?

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 08:20:00 +0000

If you've ever been in a long term relationship, you will probably understand that things can get a little stale in the bedroom after awhile, sometimes (I hasten to add this in because it doesn't happen to every couple.) That's not because you've fallen out of love with one another but more to do with the fact that you've come to know one another a little too well, i.e. you know their likes and dislikes, you know their body and you've very likely seen them at their absolute worse. This, in turn, leads to you taking your lover/partner/hubby/wife for granted which in turn can trigger resentments and unsatisfying sex.

There are, of course, a number of ways to improve things and one of these is to bring in one or more lovers into the equation. I have to add that swinging is not for everybody and it won't work for all couples or relationships. There has to be an element of trust to begin with which is a given in a relationship anyway, but laying down ground rules at the start may help to prevent difficulities and potential problems from arising.

With the introduction of the internet, swinging websites have made the act of finding and meeting potential bedding partners a lot easier and quicker. Creating a profile enables you to state clearly what you like and dislike with regards to sex and what essentially you are looking for in a partner. As with conventional dating sites, many of these swinging websites aren't free and although placing a profile and searching for possible matches are free, the act of contact is not. Not always ideal especially if you're new to the scene and just want to see how things go with no pressure at all.

Saying this, there are some really good free swinging sites out there which are a perfect way of getting to know about the act of swinging and finding potential partners. Aside from placing a profile, many of these free sites will give you extra features for example, blogs, polls, forums, events, classifieds, chatrooms and quizes. The ability to decorate your profile is often included in your membership though the option of an upgrade may also be there.

But, what is swinging all about? This is where things can get a bit confusing, well it confused me a tad to start with! As far as I can understand, 3sum fun is not classed as swinging. Yes, you can join swinging sites to look for additional single lovers to join you as a couple but it's not really what swinging is all about.

WikiAfterDark quotes swinging as 'Swinging includes a wide range of sexual activities conducted between two or more people. Swinging activities can include watching others have sex; having sex with your partner while being watched; kissing, stroking, or having oral sex with a third or fourth person (called soft swinging); or having penetrative sex with someone other than your partner (Full Swap), which is the commonly understood definition of swinging. '

As I mentioned earlier in this post, setting down ground rules is essential if everyone involved is to get the best out of the experience. Nothing is worse than you feeling absolutely shattered and wanting to sleep and seeing your partner and another female shagging away right next to you with no indication that they care what you think or feel.

But, in the long run, there is no reason why this arrangement cannot work for a majority of people, providing trust, love, communication and respect are all included in the mix. If you are intrigued, why not give it a try ;)?

So what is it about?

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 15:17:00 +0000

....people who don't read profiles on dating sites or social networking sites?

....people who initiate contact with you albeit using pre-written messages so that they don't have to think about writing a personal message, letting you reply with a very simple but cheerful message, and then not bothering to reply back!

....the attraction of adding complete strangers to Yahoo or MSN buddy lists. What happened to email? What happened to getting to know someone first via private messages before asking or requesting a messenger add? I'm sorry, but if I added every single person to my private friend list on Yahoo, I would never get a moment's peace. Funnily enough, I do have a life and I would never get any work done if I stopped to chat to everyone on Yahoo. If I consider you a valued friend, then, yes, I will add you but not before! So, stop asking!!

cross posted from http://inkserotica.blogspot.com

Don't get lulled into a false sense of security

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 07:19:00 +0000

When you don't have the advantage of meeting someone face to face it can be so easy to get carried away with everything surrounding anyone you're in contact with.

This includes the excitement of getting to know someone new, the feelings of pleasure when you receive his/her next email and the anticipation of what may happen in the future with your new date.

This, I believe, is one of the pitfalls of dating exclusively online. Everything seems to be going right; you get on well, the conversation flows, he/she fits your match criteria i.e. location, age, etc. and because of this, it's so easy to fall into the trap of flirting and partaking in a little raunchy cyber. The trouble is, you don't have the luxury of reading body language and you have no idea if you're really physically attracted to one another.

Yes, you may have swapped images and no doubt, you know a reasonable amount about each other but, you don't know yet, if there is an actual connection between you. So, often this can happen and, for most part, everything turns out okay but, just occasionally, it doesn't. Not for you or for him/her.

What follows then can be an embarrassing silence or the wracking of your brains as you try and work out what exactly went wrong. The thing is, nothing did.

Online dating is a process that you have to be prepared to work through. Many potential suitors will fall at the first hurdle but some may just get through to the final test. However, this doesn't mean that ultimately, he/she will pass the final one with flying colours: the meet. Even then, unfortunately, you're not completely home free. Things can still go wrong after the first, second or even third date. Of course, this can be said of any relationship wherever or whenever you meet so rather than me putting the dampener on the whole situation, let's go back to the stage just before you are about to meet.

So, you're excited. You're finally going to meet up with this person who you've been in contact now for a few weeks or even less, if you feel comfortable with the situation. It's easy now, to get carried away with the whole thing and to start imagining what you would like to do to one another when you finally do meet up.

A bit of light flirting, I believe, is fine but don't get any heavier than this. Take a step back and regain your composure. There is nothing wrong with being cautious even at this late stage, because if it does all go wrong, at least you'll be able to still hold your head up high.

So, my advice is:

Keep the heavy, suggestive flirting and the cyber until you have at met at least once and you know, for definite, that there is a connection between you.

Should I avoid free dating sites?

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 08:47:00 +0000

Occasionally, whilst I'm surfing the net for information, work, etc. I come across articles written about whether 100% free dating sites are a good idea and usually the answer is no, they're not. Basically, their readers are told to avoid free dating services at all costs.

As someone who only uses those that are free, I find this kind of information rather misleading. Yes, it's true that free dating sites tend to attract scammers but then so do all sites and just because you don't have to pay a fee up front to use the service, doesn't mean that the admin does not care about its members any less because of it.

As I've just said I only use free dating service as my income level is far too low to consider anything else! I have no choice in the matter and if I want to find a friend or a lover, then I have to join free sites.

Some of the problems stated about free dating sites are:

that they are littered with scammers/spammers/time wasters etc.

Yes, true but then so is every other site you join! I've been on paid sites before and I've come across people who have paid a subscription (not cheap either!) and still like to waste people's time. They play mind games with you or stand you up. No site is exempt from people like this, believe me. If you're careful and know what you're looking for, you can spot these people a mile away. They don't have to spoil your experience of dating whether on a free site or not.

if you are unable to pay for the service then you're not worth going out with, i.e. meaning you cannot pay your way.

How ludicrous! Surely, if you get on with someone well, what does it matter how much they earn? Okay, I don't earn that much but I can still find the money to pay my way; I just choose not to use it to find friends. Does that make me a bad person or someone not worthy of a relationship?

the customer service sucks.

Err, no. Not in my experience it doesn't! I've worked for a free dating site before and the admin was top notch with support queries and problems. He also removed scammers on a regular basis. There are other excellent free sites out there that also care about their customers, Plenty of Fish being one of them.

What it all comes down to is that there are good points and bad points for all dating sites whether paid or free. What I worry about the most is not how much you have to pay or not to be a member of site but just how many members there are. Is the database so large that you're 'lost' in the thousands of other members using the site?

Yes, it gives you a lot more choice and more chance of meeting your match but that really only follows if what you're looking for is what everyone else is looking for! Are there sufficient enough members to fit your criteria? I've left sites purely because there haven't been sufficient enough matches despite the huge number of possible contacts and the success rate advertised.

So, in summary, choose a dating site that suits your match criteria and your budget. Try the service out for a few weeks and if it doesn't work for you, move on. I do that all the time :)

I've now whittled down the sites I'm featured on to a small but worthwhile list. Each one has different features but they all have worked for me in more ways than one.

And, yes, all of them are free!

Don't forget to join The Dating Book!

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 06:58:00 +0000

The Dating Book aims to provide resources, information, book reviews and discussions about all aspects of Internet dating which can also be applied to dating offline, too. These also include relationships, romance, love tips and advice.

Members are encouraged to post about their difficulties, problems and experiences within the group for feedback and support.

Extras

Here's a few of the little extras that The Dating Book provides for its members :)

Databases:

Personal Ads
Looking for a friend/lover or partner? Then, post your ad here!

FAQ
Frequently Asked Questions

Love Recipes
Romantically inspire your partner ;)

Dating Site Reviews
A record of personal reviews/recommendations of dating services

Files:

DatingTipsforfree.pdf
Dating Tips For Free

Personal-Ad-Headlines-Ebook.pdf
Personal Ad Headlines Ebook

Click to join thedatingbook

Hold true to what you want

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 17:51:00 +0000

No matter what you're looking for or seeking through online dating, there's always something that you've never come across before. After a few years of dabbling on friendship or dating sites, you think that you've heard it, seen it, experienced it all before. But, you haven't. Not one little bit. There's still that extra special someone who can tie you up in knots, twist every little word you say into meaning something entirely different or just get one up on you.

Don't ever fall into the trap of thinking that you know everything there is to know about people or Internet dating because, the chances are, you don't.

I've had my fair share of knock backs, rejections, scammers, time wasters etc. but this one lady still managed to get one over me. I'm not saying it was the worst experience of my life. Far from it, it just kind of made me step back and think.

My advice, before I tell you what this 'thing' was, is to always stick by what you're seeking and never deviate from that. Don't ever be pressured into changing what you want regardless of how you may feel the 'relationship' is going. Also, be aware that many people will read something different into what you are looking for or seeking.

Anyway, back to what this post was originally about...

I got chatting to this lady online (I'm seeking friendship and it clearly states this in my profiles; however I am bisexual..) and we seemed to getting on okay. During the course of the conversation, I realised that she was interpreting friendship as something completely different to me. Basically, she thought I wanted something intimate. Ahem...

Bearing in mind, however, that earlier on in the conversation I did say that most people on that particular site was looking for something more intimate and it was one thing I couldn't give.

As the conversation continued, things did become more personal and raunchy and I found myself responding to her questions despite knowing that I was only seeking friendship. Now, I'm not sure exactly why it happened but I found myself staring at a closed conversation window. Basically, she'd logged off. She has not come back since.

Of course, there are a number of reasons why she could have disappeared and all of those are totally innocent. I'm definitely one for giving people the benefit of the doubt despite my experiences. But, it struck me, that she was playing a game; see how far she could lead me on or perhaps she just wanted to chat and nothing more. That's fine but I do state in my profile that I'm seeking offline buddies only. No IM or MSN friends.

It did make me think though that I really should have stuck firm to what I was seeking and refuse to be lured into flirty chat when I really have no intention of going down that road. Maybe, she didn't get a good vibe/feeling about me because I didn't hold true to what I wanted.

Weird...

Would love to know your thoughts or experiences!

Photography Tips

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Sat, 31 May 2008 08:53:00 +0000

I could have titled this ‘How to make a good first impression’ for that is what you should be aiming to do when you select which photograph to place on your profile on a dating site – stand out from the crowd and make an impact.

Ask yourself, and be totally honest – what makes you look twice at a member’s profile? The answer - the member’s photograph! If you are making a decision based upon a photograph then you can be sure that other people are doing the same with the image you have selected to ‘sell yourself’.

Here are a few do’s and don’ts from someone who has made a career making photographs that stand out!

• Don’t be tempted to dig out a photograph made 10 years ago – they must be current and up to date. Why start by trying to hide who you are? Try not to use a photograph were you have to crop off your ‘ex’ or a friend – they never look right; especially when there are disembodied limbs in view.
• Never under any circumstances send a passport photograph – it may get you through Her Majesty’s Customs but it will have a hard time getting you through to a person’s heart!
• It is very hard to get a good shot from a webcam or mobile phone so use a ‘proper’ camera – you will be glad you did. Digital cameras, capable of producing great results that will show yourself off to your best advantage, have never been more affordable.
• Try not to rely on using the camera’s self timer. Your photograph will look a lot better if you can get a sympathetic friend to help you make it and they can also comment and offer advice on how you are looking.
• Don’t be tempted to make a self portrait using a mirror – especially with flash. In fact try not to use flash – ever! Photographs produced with the use of the type of flash available on a camera will invariably create a washed out, harsh and unflattering image complete with the dreaded ‘red eye.’

Do:

• Use a soft light - such as that found from a window on a bright but overcast day.

Tip! Professional photographers often use a reflector to ‘bounce’ light into shadow areas of a portrait. You can do the same by having someone hold a white piece of paper or card so that it reflects some of the light from the window onto the face. If the light from the window is on your right hand side – have someone hold or prop the reflector on the left hand side so that it bounces light onto the left hand side of your face. Try not to get the reflector in shot!

• Think about what you want to wear – how you want to come across i.e. casual, business-like, smart etc.
• Eye contact – they say that the eyes are the windows to the soul – so make sure that your eyes are an important feature of the photograph. Don’t select an image in which your eyes are out of focus, squinting, half closed or caught mid-blink.
• If you wear glasses – make sure that there are no reflections blocking out your eyes. Moving or tilting your head a little can remove any unwanted reflections.
• Use simple uncluttered backgrounds that do not attract attention away from you! Make sure that there are no trees or poles sticking out from behind your head.
• If your camera has a zoom setting – select a medium zoom. Professional photographers, using 35mm cameras, favour an 85mm lens – this is often referred to as a ‘portrait lens.’ Such a setting offers a perspective that flatters the sitter. This is because the photographer can fill the frame with the subject without having to get so close that the image is distorted. This setting also allows the photographer to blur or soften a background and make the sitter standout.
• When posing try not to face straight onto the shot – if you do you will only produce a passport style image which will never look flattering. Try to angle your shoulders 45% to the camera and then turn your head to face the lens. This will add depth to the shot and will look far more attractive – girls this is the way to best show off your figure. Good posture creates a confident look. So try not to slouch!
• Make sure that YOU are the centre of attention in any photograph – there is no need for anyone else to be in the frame – and that includes your favourite pet or your drunken pal! If other people are in the shot it often confuses people as to which one is you.

Selecting a photograph can be a daunting exercise – so ask a trusted friend to help you. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed to discuss the fact that you are setting up a profile on a dating site. So many people are now looking for love online there is no longer any stigma attached – it is the 21st Century thing to do - so don’t hide the fact. Ask!

Some sites require a square format image that will be sized at 200 x 200 pixels or similar. You will have more control as to how the photograph will be displayed if you crop your image so that it is in a square format, with your face prominent within the frame, and then reduce it yourself to 200 x 200 pixels prior to sending.

Christopher John Ball is a widely exhibited and published photographer and co-founder of ‘The Association of Erotic Artists.’ You can see examples of his work at www.classicnudes.co.uk

Changes...

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Wed, 21 May 2008 06:31:00 +0000

...Quite major ones really!

The Online Dating Coach is no longer affiliated with any dating sites on the internet, unfortunately.

But, that doesn't mean that it will close, end, stop etc.! Oh no, I will continue to post informative articles, discussions (do feel free to discuss any of the points that I post here, just nothing abusive, ok? :)) and advice because it's what I enjoy doing :)

I think that mostly stems from the very difficult relationship I had that covered 10 years of my life. I came out of it reasonably okay but I do believe it has given me the desire or need to help others who may be experiencing problems in their own relationship. BTW, I do not consider myself an expert in this field. I just want to help others find that special someone :)

Online dating etiquette

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Sun, 18 May 2008 17:39:00 +0000

Here's something that you may not come across if you decide to do your dating offline:

The likelihood of being in contact with one or more potential dates/partners. This tends to occur because of the speed at which online dating occurs. You may have your profile on more than one dating site for a start or you're likely to attract more than one suitor. The chances are, too, that the ratio of women to men is high so if there happens to have been a lull in new female members, and then be prepared for a considerable amount of attention!

So, if this does happen to you online, it is, obviously, considered bad form to discuss this with any of your other 'dates.' Wait until you are dating for some time and are getting on well before making the decision to commit to one person.

Then the next stage would be to hide your profile from other members, re-wording it to reflect your current situation or remove it altogether from the site.

These decisions shouldn't be taken lightly, however, as it is easy to get carried away with a new partner. Take your time and discuss it between each other as to what the other wants or feels.

On a date, put your phone away

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Sat, 10 May 2008 19:58:00 +0000

Okay, not completely away but it's considered bad form and rude to text or call someone whilst on a first date especially.

I bet most people can relate to this one! How annoying and frustrating it is to have to suspend the intimate conversation you were in the middle of whilst your date spends a few minutes or more talking to work buddies or texting his ex-girlfriend. Of course this applies to the women, too!

Maybe, you can just about tolerate it when you've known each other for awhile but even that can be just a tad off, don't you agree? Unless it's an emergency (a real emergency mind), most calls or texts can be left until after the date and they've kissed you goodbye.

On a date they should be giving you their undivided attention, making sure that you are happy, comfortable and satisfied.

If you do really need to send a quick text to someone i.e. reassuring a friend that you're okay, do so discreetly whilst you're in the toilets (providing there is good reception!)

Know when to call it quits...

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Mon, 05 May 2008 08:30:00 +0000

… The date that is and not the looking for dates.

Listen to your instincts and take notice of how you feel in the presence of your date. I know, sometimes, politeness takes over but if at any point you do not feel comfortable, and then please don’t hesitate to get out!

It could be anything from a look, to something he or she says to just pure sixth sense as to whether you feel something isn’t quite right. Here are a few behaviours that may make you feel uncomfortable in someone’s presence regardless of whether they are unintentional, totally innocent or just plain ignorant:

· He/She may invade your personal space. They may sit too close to you, place their hand on a part of your body that you feel is inappropriate, try to kiss you, make you feel guilty for not allowing them to kiss or touch you. They may pressure you into doing something you are not happy with. Their body may be continually touching yours even though you make moves to prevent it or you make it clear that it is not wanted.

· Nervousness. Okay, not a bad thing to be and totally natural but sometimes this can make you feel uncomfortable if you are on the receiving end of it. It can make you wonder just how much contact the person has with others and is it really a good idea for them to be looking for a date, right now? Excessive nervousness in someone is something to be avoided.

· If at anytime you feel trapped. Not just feel trapped but are physically prevented from moving. Believe me; this can be extremely frightening even if the intentions are not overly sinister. It comes into the same category as invasion of your personal space.

· Gut instinct tells you that something isn’t right. It could be anything down to appearance (don’t worry if this seems shallow to you; it’s not!), behaviour, conversation, anything. If you don’t feel comfortable, make excuses to leave.

A few points to consider:

· Listen to your own body.

· Take note of your surroundings. Are there lots of people about? Is there good lighting? Can you escape easily?

· Take note of your date’s body language. Do they appear aggressive, are they too close?

Above all, be safe!

Be safe online

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 17:07:00 +0000

Ok, so you may not be out on the pull in a bar, and therefore there is absolutely no reason for you to be worry about anything, right? I mean, no one can see you, can they? Hell, they don't even know who you are, so what on earth should you be concerned about?

Unfortunately, everything!

Even though you are at home using the computer there are still things you need to do to make sure you are 100% safe. To protect yourself from those nasty dating cyberspace users, just make a note of these points below:

To begin with whilst you're looking online for love, stay as anonymous as you can. Don't give out your real name, your private email address, your home address, your website if you have one, your mobile number or your landline. Until you feel comfortable with the actual person you're talking to don't be pressured in to giving any of this information out until you are ready.
Don't believe everything that is said to you online. It's easy for some people to make up stories or elements of themselves to try and attract unsuspecting female daters. A common problem on dating sites is the scam artist, where male or females from specific countries like Nigeria will try and lure you into a false sense of security. They are usually after your money and will often declare undying love for you before they've even met you!
When you arrange to meet, always meet in a public place. Tell at least one person where you're going to be, text them to let them know how you're getting on or if you feel uncomfortable on the date for whatever reason. Leave your number and your dates number (if possible) with someone you trust, so if something does go wrong they can not only get hold of you but they can also pass on his number to the police.
Before you meet, find out as much information as you can about the person you're arranging to see. Use email, instant messengers like MSN and chat to them on the phone. Use a mobile or a payphone to avoid giving out your landline number which can be used to trace your location.
If they don't have an image up on their online profile, ask for at least two or three at different areas of their lives. It's easy for scammers to just 'borrow' a picture of anyone they come across online. The more pictures they can provide of themselves the less likely they are to be a scammer.

These are just a few things you can do to ensure your safety whilst dating online. Bookmark this blog for future reference to make sure you don't miss out on even more tips and advice on this subject! :)

How to make sure your dates go smoothly

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 08:02:00 +0000

Of course, it's not 100% guaranteed that any of your dates will go perfectly but there are steps that you can take to minimise the risks. Meeting someone new is nerve-wracking as it is without any additional worrying about things you can't control. But, there are things you can control. Just follow these steps to help your date(s) go as smoothly as possible:

If you arrange to meet your date at a specific time, make sure you do just that. Don't be late! Either be on time or slightly early. There are things that you cannot foresee going wrong like traffic jams, kiddies being poorly or the childminder being late so, in that case, make allowances for any eventualities. Get yourself ready earlier and leave for your meeting place that little bit earlier.
Dress to impress. Don't overdress, however. Dress according to where you are going on a date. Make sure your clothes are neatly ironed and you are clean and smell nice. Don't overdo perfume/aftershave :) Sounds obvious, I know!
Never answer your phone whilst on a date. If you daren't turn if off completely, set it to silent or vibrate. Only answer calls if they're urgent or unavoidable and ask if you can call them back.

Why should you date online?

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 08:13:00 +0000

Slowly but surely, searching for and finding love online is growing in popularity. With so many different ways of finding your Mr or Miss Right via the internet, the chance of succeeding is increasing all the time.

But, why should you date online?

There are a number of reasons why you should try your hand at online dating. One very good reason is the fact that, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to leave the comfort of your own home.

Ideal for:

Those who have come out of a long term relationship/marriage and feel that they no longer know how to find, let alone chat to, a potential partner.
Those who have low confidence and/or self-esteem thereby reducing the embarrassment of being rejected face to face or becoming tongue tied in a social situation. This way they can build up their confidence getting to know people through email, text messages, instant chat or phone calls before they make the next big step of meeting them in a public place.
Those who suffer from a physical or mental disability which makes socialising difficult or virtually impossible.

Of course, it’s important to find the dating service that suits you. There are pros and cons to all dating services as there are with different methods of finding that special person. It all comes to down to certain criteria you hold including personal preferences.

Take Want So Much as an example: This dating site enables you to join, post your profile, upload your photos, browse/search for possible matches and contact all for FREE! No catches and NO credit cards needed!

Whichever way you look at it, online dating provides you with the ability to find someone who you may wish to spend the rest of your life with through ease of use, convenience, numerous potential matches, hours of fun, webcam chat, message boards, shout outs, chat rooms, private emails and much more depending on the features included!

Set up a Hotmail account or similar

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 11:43:00 +0000

Never use your private or work email address to communicate with people you do not know very well via online dating.

To minimize the risks of spam and hassle from contacts that won't take no for an answer, consider setting up an additional email account with one of the many free email servers available on the Internet.

In doing so, you will help cut down on the fear of being tracked or hounded whilst you're at home or at work, which does feel like an invasion of privacy. By using a web based email client, if you ever get too much spam (which you invariably will) or too many emails from one or more contacts that you have felt weren't for you, you can easily just delete the account or not log in for awhile. Many servers will then remove inactive or deactivated accounts from their databases whilst performing regular maintenance.

Recommended email services to consider are:

Postmaster
Yahoo
Mail.com
Inbox

Many of these email services give excellent features for free which include spam protection and 1Gb+ of space but if you do find you require more features then most email services will also provide a chance to upgrade your free account.

How to Spot a Dating Scam Artist

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 08:29:00 +0000

If you spend enough time on dating sites, you'll eventually begin to know the classic signs of a dating scam artist. There are points that are similar to other online scammers like those who send you private emails but the effect is still the same: shock, heartbreak, feeling like a complete fool and general distress.

Here are a few pointers to help you to spot them:

They often live overseas. Common countries include Nigeria, Ghana and Africa. They may state in their profile that their country of origin is say the USA but have recently moved to Africa or similar to work.
Their spelling and grammar is extremely poor.
They often declare undying love for you before you’ve even spoken. Promises of marriage and spending the rest of your life with them are frequently suggested too.
They often have fake photographs displayed on their profiles or will send you them privately. Often these pictures are stolen from unsuspecting honest profiles on other dating sites.
Will ask you for money to see them or to help them out in an emergency.
They will give you very few details about themselves and/or their lives.

More about scam artists later!

This might seem like an obvious one but you’d be surprised at how many people will lie in their ad or on their profile. After all, a little white lie won’t hurt, will it?

Unfortunately, it usually does and not just for the reason that any discrepancies will definitely be found out. All relationships must follow basic rules for them to ever stand the chance of working out. Honesty is one of them, and it is always the best policy no matter how insignificant it may seem at the time.

Never post images of some good looking model on your profile, because at some point you will meet someone and what he/she eventually gets isn’t anything like what they’ve been promised. Not a good way to start a relationship at all. Most men will run a mile before you’ve even got a chance of wowing them with your intelligence etc. They’ll think that if you deceived them about how you look then what else have you lied about?

If you are unable to describe yourself accurately ask a friend or someone close to you to make a list of your good points.

Please bear with me :)

noreply@blogger.com (Carrie) — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 10:34:00 +0000

Article posting on this blog is on hiatus for a time due to unforseen circumstances. Please do bear with me, though! I hope for things to continue as per normal as soon as possible.