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May 10, 2008

Silverbells and Cockle Shells

The bluebells are a' bloomin; at 611.

Saucytart and Snudge hopped the #3 this morning, deftly ignoring the early morning drunk who kept flirting by asking us for bites of our bacon, egg and cheese rolls.  They ran into Victor who trimmed the giant tree casting too much shade on my bok choy and tomatoes.  Snudge helped feed branches into the wood chipper.  Exciting for him and a little scary for Mom.

Today's plan: weeding beds, thinning the seedlings, replanting the Italian broad beans, and transplanting the rosemary and thyme.  Victor brought some gorgeous gladioli -- champagne and a deep raspberry -- which were planted in a cluster at the front of the garden.

Saucytart broadcast a couple of boxes of wildflowers, picked up some trash, then hopped back on the train to do a grocery shop.  Out of soy milk. 

Now it's time to make shrimp charmoula and figure out what to do with the Jamaican Butter Fish.

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Got Sauce?

  • Dear Saucytart:

    I grew up in a household of screamers. I screamed loudest of all to be heard over the din. Now I find myself screaming at my kids, my visiting mother, my immortal beloved. I'm tired of apologizing for flipping my lid, but mostly I'm tired of screaming.

    Hoarse in Brooklyn

    Dear Hoarse in Brooklyn:

    You are not alone. Your inner child is having one whale of a tantrum, but now it's time for her to see the calm light of day. Screaming really isn't okay and you know this, but you're going to have to take baby steps to learn how to do things differently after years of indoctrination. When you feel a scream about to rip free from your lungs, take a deep breath and count backwards from 10. Smile while doing this and also picture the person who is pushing your buttons with a pair of dirty drawers on his or head. This should do the trick. Best of luck!

    ******************

  • Dear Saucytart:

    Birds do it, bees do it... Seems like everyone but me is doing it? I need to break this drought. Any advice?

    Sexless in the City

    Dear Sexless in the City:

    Seems like it's always feast or famine. In lean times, missy, you have to take matters into your own hand. Nothing screams do me like a woman who is self-satisfied, if you know what I mean.

    ******************

  • Dear Saucytart:

    I'm thinking of a career change, but feel a bit embarrassed by my chosen endeavor -- nit-picking. There's clearly a need for someone to provide delousing services, but do I want to be remembered for as the lice lady...

    Scratching Her Head

    Dear Scratching Her Head:

    I hear the ka-ching, ka-ching of money. I say get over your squeamishness and start stuffing fists full of dollars in your pocketbook, missy.

    ******************

  • Dear Saucytart:

    A friend told me I should not ignore my cows, but rather watch them graze in their spacious meadow.

    What the fuck?

    Mama Ain't No Shepherd

    Dear Mama:

    Ahahaha. Saucytart apologizes for laughing in your face as it were. Have a good strong drink, then sit back and relax while she explains.

    Your friend, who sounds suspiciously like my sibling, means quit trying to control every freakin' thing. You'll be loads happier.

    The martini should help too.

    ******************

  • Dear Saucytart:

    This question has been burning in my mind for some time. I do hope you can put me at ease.

    Is hand sanitizer a suitable substitute for good old fashioned soap and water?< /p>

    Rub A Dub-Dub

    Dear Rub:

    Absolument, unequivocally, no. Saucytart strongly recommends a nice sudsy washing, followed by a big squirt of hand sanitizer for that germ-free feeling.

    ******************

  • Dear Saucytart:

    I have a fairly common problem. I curse like the proverbial sailor.

    Any thoughts from your ladylikeness on how to cure myself of this filthy habit?

    Too Old To Have My Mouth Washed Out With Soap

    Dear Too Old:

    Have you tried tying a red string around your birdfinger?

    ******************

  • Dear Saucytart:

    I must be the only person in all of Gotham with this problem. The upstairs neighbor clomps around in her heels all night long and she is not delicate, this one.

    What's a beleaguered gal to do?

    Sleepless in Staten Island

    Dear Sleepless:

    While you certainly have Saucytart's empathy, she has three words to get you back on the track to a good night's sleep: "buy ear plugs." Of course, you must use them too.

    ******************

  • Dear Saucytart:

    My daughter needed help with her homework the other night, so we rang up Dial-A-Teacher. While Chloe (not her real name, of course) was on the speakerphone with Mr. Teacher-man, I couldn't help but notice how nice and warm his voice was. Now, I'm calling daily to get help with things like onomatopoeia.

    Help!

    Infatuated With Mr. Teacher-man

    Dear Infatuated:

    You don't need help with poetic language. You need help with onanism. Please seek professional assistance. Saucytart cannot save you.

    ******************

  • Dear Saucytart:

    I am involved in one of those unfortunate triangles of love. Man A loves me, Woman B, and I love Man C who doesn't know that I exist. I do not wish to hurt Man A who is really a nice guy, but still I sometimes wonder if liking Man A might up the ante for Man C. What to do. What to do.

    In Dating H*ll

    Dear Dating H*ll:

    A, B, C... it's easy as 1,2,3. Oops, sorry, Saucytart forgets herself. But on to your query.

    Do not do anything hasty and ill-considered, my dear D.H. If you are hoping to attract the eye of a man who by your own admission does not know you are alive by dating a nice guy, well, Missy, you are only asking for trouble with a capital T.

    Getting rid of Mr. Nice guy will be like prying the melted cheese off the white bread of a grilled cheese sandwich.

    Don't do it, Missy.

    ******************

Let's Get Sauced

  • saucytartini

    they don't call me a sweet-tart for nothing, ya'll

    Ingredients:

    2 shots Absolut raspberry

    2 shots of lemonade

    Quarter shot Grand Marnier

    Shake the Absolut, Grand Marnier and lemonade over ice together. Strain into a chilled martini. Garnish with a fresh raspberry.

    ******************

  • Snowball

    let's have a ball

    Ingredients:

    2 Shots Warninks Advocaat

    Top up Lemonade

    Quarter Shot Lime Cordial

    Shake the advocaat and lime juice together. Pour into an ice filled highball. Top up with lemonade.

    Recipe from www.in-the-spirit.co.uk

    ******************

  • A Little Dick'll Do

    ahahaha...sure

    Ingredients:

    2 oz George Dickel® Tennessee whiskey

    3 - 5 splashes Mountain Dew® citrus soda

    Pour the George Dickel into an old-fashioned glass. Top off with Mountain Dew, and serve.

    old-fashioned glass

    Recipe from DrinksMixer.com

    ******************

  • Blue Moon

    I like-a to sing-a under the moon-a

    Ingredients:

    2 oz. 2 ounces Bombay Sapphire gin

    1/2 ounce fresh lemon juice

    1/4 ounce creme de violette

    Shake with ice and strain into chilled cocktail glass.

    ******************

  • Dirty Blonde Martini

    she may be dirty, but she ain't cheap...

    Ingredients:

    2 oz. Grey Goose Vodka

    1 oz. Johnnie Walker Gold Label

    1 oz. Drambuie

    Combine ingredients in mixing glass. Add ice, stir to chill and strain into a chilled martini glass.

    ******************

  • Hot Toddy

    a toddy for the body...

    Ingredients:

    1 tbsp honey

    3/4 glass tea

    2 shots brandy

    1 slice lemon

    Brew tea and fill a tall glass 3/4 full. Mix in honey. Mix in brandy shots. Add lemon slice and enjoy.

    ******************

  • Frostbite

    when you want your drinks, um, blue...

    * 1/2 oz Sauza Hornitos tequila

    * 1/2 oz white crème de cacao

    *1/2 oz blue curaçao

    *1/2 oz cream

    *maraschino cherry for garnish

    Blending Instructions:

    1. Pour the ingredients into a cocktail shaker with ice.

    2. Shake well.

    3. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass or in an ice-filled old-fashioned glass.

    4. Garnish with a maraschino cherry.

    ******************

  • Mexican Martini

    Ingredients:

    * 2 to 3 ounces Sauza Hornitos tequila

    * 1 ounce Cointreau

    *½ ounce orange juice (pulp free)

    * splash of 7-Up or Sprite

    * Sweet & Sour mix (approximately 8 ounces)

    * squeeze of fresh lime juice

    * dash of juice from the olive jar

    * skewered cocktail olives

    Blending Instructions:

    Fill a 16-ounce cocktail shaker halfway with ice and add the first four ingredients. Fill the shaker the rest of the way with Sweet & Sour mix (if not using a cocktail shaker, add approximately 8 ounces). Shake until contents are mixed and chilled. Strain into martini glasses, and serve with skewered olives.

    ******************

  • A Goodnight Kiss

    Ingredients:

    * 4 oz Champagne

    * 1 splash Campari

    * 1 cube Sugar

    * 1 drop Angostura bitters

    Blending Instructions:

    * Put one drop of Angostura Bitter on sugar cube and drop in champagne flute

    * Add champagne and splash of Campari

    ******************

  • Bisous, Baby,

    or a pear champagne cocktail to you...

    INGREDIENTS:

    * 1 teaspoon Poire William eau-de-vie

    * 6 oz. demi-sec Champagne

    * 1 pear

    PREPARATION:

    1. Cut the pear in half lengthwise, from stem to the bottom. Then cut very thin slices again cutting from stem to bottom.

    2. Put the Poire William into a champagne flute and swirl it around to coat the glass.

    3. Add champagne to the top. Raise to lips & sip!

    ******************

  • Between The Sheets

    a timeless romp...

    INGREDIENTS:

    * 3/4 oz brandy

    * 3/4 oz light rum

    * 3/4 oz triple sec

    * 1/2 oz lemon juice

    * splash of passionfruit juice

    * lemon twist for garnish

    PREPARATION:

    1. Pour the ingredients into a shaker with ice cubes.

    2. Shake well.

    3. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

    4. Garnish with the lemon twist.

    ******************

More Sauce

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