Today’s guest post comes from Paula Gregorowicz of The Paula G Company. As a life coach, her goal is to help each of her clients “design a successful life that works without the burnout and compromise.” This sounded like advice that would benefit moms (and thus our children), and so I asked if she would contribute a post about how we can balance our lives and minimize that risk of burnout. Thanks for your insights, Paula.
Taking Time for YOU
Let’s face it, with so much to do and so many demands on our time it is challenging to take time just for yourself. If you’re a Lesbian Mom, the task is infinitely more difficult. Whenever I see my friends juggling careers, relationships, and children I wonder how they heck they do it. Yet, I would say that the busier you are the more taking time for yourself is mandatory, not optional. If you have kids, this makes it doubly mandatory because not only will it make you a better Mom, you act as a role model to them. You teach your kids that taking time for yourself is a good thing, and you help them bust the crazy misnomer that caring for yourself is somehow bad.
Why is taking uninterrupted time just for yourself so important? Well, you wouldn’t drive your car on “Empty” without any gas in it, would you? You wouldn’t write checks from your bank account without first making a deposit, would you? Your personal engine works the same way and it needs to be recharged in more ways than one to keep running optimally. We all have physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs. Yet, how many of us can say that we consciously make deposits in each of these accounts on a regular basis? Goodness knows we draw from them each and every day, so why don’t we take the time to re-fill the well?
In my work as a coach I hear lots of excuses why women “can’t” take time for themselves. Things like:
- I don’t have any time
- My job is too demanding
- My kids need me
- I have too many responsibilities to manage the household
- I can’t be selfish like that
- Other people need my help
- At the beginning/end of the day I’m too tired or rushed to take the time
- I don’t want to be perceived as lazy
- I have too much to do
Now, I know where these people are coming from. Heck, I use some of these same excuses myself from time to time when I’m resisting the need to simply take time for myself. What I do know for sure is that the more people you have in your life that you love (and that need you) and the bigger impact you want to have in your career and on this world, the more you need time just for yourself. Time to simply close the doors on all that you are doing and retreat to doing something (or absolutely nothing) that nourishes your being.
You don’t need to go to some distant mountain to Om with reclusive monks for hours on end to refuel your soul and recharge your body, mind, and spirit. What you do need to do is to make YOU a priority by carving out regular time in your schedule just for you. You wouldn’t think twice of making an appointment with your partner or kids and keeping it sacred; well, you need to do the same for your most important asset – yourself.
To start, consider taking just a few hours a week (either all at once or scattered throughout) to block off just for yourself. Then, do something that truly feeds your passions, desires, body, and soul. Some suggestions that have worked for me and those I have worked with include:
- Taking quiet time to read something you enjoy
- Journaling about what you are feeling and what you really want from your life
- Doing nothing at all but pampering yourself (hot baths, taking a nap, lying in the sun)
- Taking a walk somewhere beautiful
- Visiting a museum, art show, or going to a concert
- Chilling out with a cup of tea or coffee and reading
- Getting a massage or bodywork
- Listening to music
- Engaging in a hobby you enjoy
- Watching an inspiring movie
There are lots of ways to recharge and refuel. The key is finding something that works for you. It should be easy to do, not cost a lot of money (or at least be in your budgeted spending for the month), and be something that feels a little self-indulgent. A sort of guilty pleasure that you otherwise would brush off as too frivolous for someone as important and accomplished as you. When you feel that pang of “there is something else I should be doing to achieve/serve/please something or someone else” that is simply verification that you really do need this down time.
In this whole “new world” the concept of down time gets a bad wrap. People think stopping for even a minute is a recipe for failure or missing something. The catch is that the stopping is indeed the most important non-activity you could possibly be doing to live a life that is more successful on your own terms and to feel more comfortable in your own skin.
Paula Gregorowicz and The Paula G Company specialize in working with lesbian business owners and professionals who feel stuck, frustrated, or like they don’t fit in to help them discover how to be comfortable in their own skin anytime, anywhere. To learn more, visit her websites at http://www.thepaulagcompany.com and http://www.coaching4lesbians.com or e-mail her at paula@thepaulagcompany.com.