To Ensure Immunity to Bogus Gift-itis
It’s been a busy week! Some of you mentioned that Dadisode must have read my birthday karma post before he received his Krazy Glue. After speaking with him last night, I can assure you that he had no idea. He finally caught up with all the recent posts here last night while…sitting right next to me.
*shields eyes*
Of course his immediate reaction to all the posts had NOTHING to do with the fact that he received GLUE in a TUBE as a birthday gift; or the fact that I had on lace underthings and fell asleep. Nope, I got an earful of, “ Geez! I look like CRAP in that picture!”
*sigh*
This man is a total moron completely oblivious. Subtle and not so subtle hints are never going to work.
So in lieu of Mother’s Day this Sunday (and to ensure not receiving another $5 car accessory), I feel I may need to list precisely which items may be deemed as appropriate gifts to receive from my husband.
1) A designer handbag – and it better not say “Fucci” or “Foach” on it.
2) iPod- Turn Off your PC defense mechanisms, walk into a MAC store, and allow the high school wannabe geek lead you into the dark side.
3) Manicure/Pedicure- from a reputable place that will not give me a fungal souvenir.
4) Alone time- for me. Meaning everyone must be off the premises.
5) Private shower- with just me, myself, and I. No toddler allowed. (This does not count as “alone time”)
6) New camera- My current Canon Elph has little to no zoom, and turns everyone into Casper the
Friendly Ghosts with flash. Even iPhoto has limits to it’s magic powers.
7) Insolence perfume by Guerlain- I’ve had 3,045 samples of this lying around our bedroom. An actual spritz bottle would be much nicer than having to rub packets on my neck.
8 ) Shoes- I’ve mentioned this as a big “No No” in the past, but all of my current ones have either a tear, hole, or have been worn to death. However, please do not attempt to pick out shoes for me. Remember when you brought home a size 9 or 10 engagement ring for my size 4.5 finger. Please…. allow me.
9) A grown up size diamond- because the one I have was clearly not made for one. I’d post a photo, but the zoom on my camera doesn’t double as a microscope.
10) Earrings- Allow me to pick these out too (refer to #9 for diamond size insufficiency).
11) Salon haircut- to fix the hack job Superbad Cuts did to my hair last month.
12) A massage- by a professional. I’ve had a 1-hour massage once in my life, and I nearly cried when it was over.
13) Gift certificate to any store with decent clothes for women (does not include Wal-Mart Target, or K-Mart)- One day, I’ll need to replace some of the clothes I’ve been hanging on to for over 15 years.
(High school dance team T-shirt- 1992 to present)
*Copy*
*Paste*
*Sends blog entry to Dadisode’s email*
My prediction for Sunday, May 11th- I wake up to find a new silk screened “Sandy” T-shirt and this on my fingers…
Feel free to add to my list in the comments (predictions and bets also acceptable).
Stumble It!
May 8th, 2008 at 1:06 am
So let just get this right…a gift certificate to the Men’s Warehouse or Home Depot is not a good plan? How about I just get up on Sunday morning and utter the immortal words…”Whatch making me for breakfast?”
I no longer buy clothes, shoes, purses, handbags or jewelry for OhCountess. Other then the engagement ring and a pair of PJ’s, every attemp by me has been returned to the store and since the Mrs believes that gift cards are too impersonal. I’m left swinging in the wind. I seriously doubt another mix CD is gonna work.
Let’s just see how creative I can be. Muuuwwwhhhhhaaaahhhaaa!!!!!
OhCaptain’s last blog post..Leaving Las Vegas
May 8th, 2008 at 1:07 am
OMG, I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time. I do hope you get something resembling a nice rock or at least a massage….(though I did see the cutest t-shirt that said, “I just wanted a backrub”…it was in the maternity section.
I just resorted to ordering what I wanted and giving him the receipt. I totally bypassed that middle thing of returning it for what I really wanted. Oh smell!
tommie’s last blog post..Thursday 13…..#39….the letter S
May 8th, 2008 at 1:13 am
So let me get this straight. A gift certificate to the Men’s Warehouse or Home Depot are bad ideas? (I could really use a new belt or a table saw)
OhCountess has very particular tastes. In the 11 years we have been married, I’d say 90% of the clothing, jewelry and purses have been returned. (OhCaptain has since given up) She also thinks that gift cards are impersonal.
How about this…I wake up, roll over and ask…”Yo! Whatcha make’n me for breakfast, babe?” Whatch think??? We got a wheenner?
OhCaptain’s last blog post..Leaving Las Vegas
May 8th, 2008 at 1:14 am
Hahaha, see? It’s such fun to come to your blog and read all the awesome thoughts going on in your head!!!
LB’s last blog post..Heart 2 Heart Hug 2 Hug
May 8th, 2008 at 1:18 am
He he he
You know men so well. My husband would see that post go ‘blah blah blah’ new Sandy sweatshirt.
I am hinting on a Wii Fit. When I say hinting I have told him, told the kids and my parents, emailed him at work and home and put pictures of it up in the toilet.
That should do it. I am expecting a pair of slippers. Again.
Kelley’s last blog post..I am a woman of my word, Iceel you bastard.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:22 am
Excellent! Are you going to print out this list and place in multiple places around the house? I think you may have more success that way. You can’t assume they get subtle hints you must hammer into their skulls what you really want.
Kristi’s last blog post..Cinco De Mayo Fiesta
May 8th, 2008 at 1:38 am
I agree with Kristi!
And might I add that I do not tell you enough how much I love your blog!
Meagan’s last blog post..Okay, now is when I panic!
May 8th, 2008 at 2:00 am
I think he’s going to go all out and get you some wicked blinged out grillz. hahahaha
Tasina’s last blog post..I’m too lazy to think…
May 8th, 2008 at 2:08 am
Oh my goodness, you can always make me laugh!!!
I predict you will get a camera or an iPod because men tend to get excited about anything that could possibly classified as an electronics item, even when it’s not for them. He will have an excuse to go into Best Buy and play with all the big boy toys for a few hours too.
Karen of Sillymonkeez’s last blog post..Keeping Busy (Day 2 of 10)
May 8th, 2008 at 2:38 am
I hope you get ALL of the things on your list!!
Happy Mother’s Day.
cyndy’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: These Are My Confessions
May 8th, 2008 at 5:46 am
Oooh fingers crossed he gets you something from this list, or even better, all of it!
Marylin’s last blog post..Old Confetti
May 8th, 2008 at 8:22 am
LMAO @ YOUR PREDICTION!!! I’m literally screaming with laughter! rubbing packets on your neck? too funny!! i’m glad you’re just giving him lists now! lol
jameil1922’s last blog post..Call Him!
May 8th, 2008 at 8:25 am
If you’ll excuse me, there’s something I’d like to say into Dadisode’s ear — “HEY!! WAKE UP AND PEE, THE WORLD’S ON FIRE!!!” Now that I have your attention, pay extra special notice to the above list. And DO NOT replace the shirt pictured in Item #13. Find the best massage/pedicure/facial place in the area and SPEND SOME MONEY!!! on a gift certificate. And make sure she can go ALONE!!!
This has been an unpaid endorsement of several ideas expressed above, from a fat old man whose wife loves him more than ever. Guess why.
Lou Lohman’s last blog post..On the Way to class
May 8th, 2008 at 9:12 am
LOL, my hubby would buy the tshirt and write Sandy on it with a marker. Awesome list!
Sandy M’s last blog post..Would your Man grow a moustache for charity?
May 8th, 2008 at 9:15 am
Hey, what’s wrong with Fucci LOL!!! OMG, rolling here.
Mani/pedi/hair/massage… that sounds like a WONDERFUL mother’s day … hope you get that, you deserve it sweetie!!!
Karen MEG’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday - Early Retirement
May 8th, 2008 at 9:16 am
Explicit is good. Men. do. not. get. it. And I agree with Kristi’s suggestion, too.
Jen of a2eatwrite’s last blog post..What’s Cooking Wednesday: Simple Breads 3 - Whole Wheat English Muffin Bread
May 8th, 2008 at 9:33 am
Tommie- Thanks so much! You are brilliant for ordering gifts and giving them with receipts. You are clearly an experienced spousal gift giver
LB- Hehe…Sometimes my own thoughts scare me too.
Kelley- Great job leaving your hints (literally!). Keeping my fingers crossed you don’t get slippers, and I don’t get a “Sandy” shirt
Kristi- I think I may need to do that…and bombard his inbox with this list about 50+ times each day until Sunday.
Meagan- Thanks so much! Likewise
Tasina- Oh girl! I wouldn’t be surprised. at. all.
Karen of Sillymonkeez - Oh how I HOPE he goes to frolic amongst other big boys at the electronics store playgrounds
cyndy - Thanks so much !
Marylin - Me too
Thanks for crossing.
jameil1922- Hehe, I laughed at my prediction too…but then realized how much of a possibility it is…and then stopped. Lists are a MUST now!
Lou Lohman- Thank you for that much needed public service announcement. I’ll be sure to turn up the volume here
Karen MEG- Sadly, I’ve got a closet full of FUCCI’s! And FOUIS’
The real deal would be a dream come true. But a Mani/pedi/hair/massage would be a day.in.heaven!
Jen of a2eatwrite - Explicit is the only way and the last resort. And yes, I may need to glue pictoral displays and lists to his clothes, plates and shoes.
May 8th, 2008 at 9:34 am
Whoa! Excuse the plethora of yellow faces in my last comment….
May 8th, 2008 at 9:54 am
*LOL* Great list!! Hmmm….
I can’t think of anything to add at the moment…but I’ll be back if I do think of anything
Sadie’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen #13
May 8th, 2008 at 10:31 am
What a great list! I really hope you get something on your list for Mother’s Day. I am sorry your husband shopped for you at the carwash. *Tear*
Amy Shipp’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen: Summer Vacation Ideas
May 8th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Ha. I also have a 4.5 finger & the hubby bought me a 5.5…I know the pain. Did your feet get bigger after the baby? Other than tennies, I’ve been cramming mine into my now too small shoes. There’s always more to spend the money on than shoes.
Oh, my post today is potty training…I know you like that!
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..The Schlong Song
May 8th, 2008 at 11:58 am
You’re hilarious Sandy! HAHAHAHAHAHA…..I love #9. Diamonds are indeed a girl’s best friend. Maybe I’ll ask for a diamond necklace to complete my set. Evil plot….awesome!!! I’m looking forward to your sunday post to see what Dadisode got. LOVE IT!
Jojo’s last blog post..Politics of Marriage
May 8th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
lol you so need to go onto wishcentral.com and/or wists.com and make out a list and keep it updated. Wishcentral is very cool and ppl can anonymously mark items they’ve bought (so no duplicates)…I keep some sort of list handy and public around Mother’s Day, my bday, and any other occasion! love your list!
Ashley’s last blog post..The dress…
May 8th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
WAIT a MINUTE!!!!! It’s MOTHER’S day, not Wife Who’s a Mother day, nor is it My Child’s Mother’s Day. The Peanut is the one who should be buying a gift for you. Given that Dadisode will (probably) be making a purchase for Mother’s Day, it will likely be for His Mom. He needs to understand that any purchase he makes for YOU is a proxy purchase for Peanut, and I’m sure he doesn’t want to get you pissed off at HER!!! The proper purchase MUST BE MADE because it NOT FROM HIM. It’s from HER! so do it right, brother. It ain’t cool to get your kid in trouble with her mother. She’ll be able to do that for herself, right enough.
Lou Lohman’s last blog post..On the Way to class
May 8th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
LOL! I’m sending this list to my husband with #1,2,3,10-13 circled.
#9 = HILARIOUS! the only reason I got an adult sized diamond is because I picked it out myself (we looked at rings after he proposed).
Hope your husband picks something good!
skiplovey’s last blog post..Clearly I wasn’t cut out for modelling, but maybe he is.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
You know what you should do (I don’t know if anyone already suggested this)? Go and pick out your own gifts and charge them on his card. Tell him he doesn’t need to do any shopping if he’s busy, you’ve got it all covered. After all, you deserve a nice present after the $5 car tool.
Linda’s last blog post..Get A Free Purse Size Clinique Happy Perfume
May 8th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Yes, yes, yes to all of them! Great list!!!
Kathryn’s last blog post..Signs I Might Be Pregnant
May 8th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Wait — I have a Foach bag.
Kidding!
Your list is great.
I am even worse than all that because sometimes I buy my own gifts ahead of time when I think my husband won’t!
Holly’s last blog post..Vizcaya Museum and Gardens
May 8th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
If you were my mom I would get you a $500 gift certificate to a spa. You would get your hair fixed, a mani, pedi and an hour massage..you would be there the entire day…either alone or w/ a girlfriend. Me..if I had that I would bring a book…
mp’s last blog post..I hate “mommy-bloggers”
May 8th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
He probably liked the glue in a tube. People usually buy gifts for others that they would like to receive for themselves. My hubby…many,many years ago…before I had got him properly trained…did use the pathetic excuse “You are not my mother so I did not get you a gift”. What did you think I replied to that one? Make sure that he understands that this excuse is not an option before the blessed day.
Christine’s last blog post..Testing The Water
May 8th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Good luck with that. If it works I’ll try next year. That list pretty much covers things, but chocolate needs added in there somewhere. In abundance.
Karen’s last blog post..Yes, I Am The Coolest Idiot Around
May 8th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
I always get the practical gifts for mothers’ day or my birthday. Or the camera broke, we’ll get a new one for mother’s day. Or we need a new dryer that will be the birthday present. I get we are strapped but there’s lots of good free gifts. Alone time, make dinner, do the dishes, put the kids to bed. All in one day.
Cassey’s last blog post..Breathe
May 8th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Nice list!!!!
I just got a “grown up diamond” I like your name for it. We got engaged in grad school and I got a “grad school” diamond. LOL. I like both of them though.
OHmommy’s last blog post..Mommy Bloggers
May 8th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Ooh great list Sandy! I’m going to copy and paste and send it to my hubby, today’s our anniversary and I could use any of those fab things!
amy’s last blog post..And he thinks that I never pay attention…
May 8th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
You do crack me up ;–)
I started out wondering if you printed this out and handed it to him and am happy to see that you’ve emailed it. Good for you! I’m relieved at the specific instructions for #8 &10 and wondered why you didn’t include them on #1 and 9! I wish you a wonderful Mother’s Day surprise!!!
Hugs and blessings,
storyteller’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen #24 - What are we thinking?
May 8th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
The best gift-buying hint my husband ever got was when my daughter and her friends led him by the hand into the proper store and to the appropriate gift. All you have to do is be patient for another 18 years so this help can also come to your hubby. Can you endure it that long?
Eve’s last blog post..Bamboo Sheets
May 8th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Well, you know this was discussed at my place yesterday (with great hilarity). I hope Dadisode is responsive to that list! My fingers are crossed for you…
I do have to disagree with Lou’s comment a little bit, though…A gift from a husband to his wife (who is often the mother of his children) on Mother’s Day is most definitely in order. (It does not need to be expensive, and may be something as simple as two hours of quiet time.) But this is IN ADDITION to a gift from the kids. We earned this gift by pushing babies out. The gift is an indication of how much men are grateful that they did NOT have to do the heavy lifting.
Jennifer H’s last blog post..A new road
May 8th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
I was just thinking of inviting you over to my blog and see whether you can tag along in the mother’s day meme. This post sounds similar to that. Anyway, there is still one award there for you.
PS: Thanks for your comment on my stamp out hunger food drive post. I was hoping that more people from the US would say: I’ll participate but looks like you are the only one. I hope you would find joy in giving. I would love to give too but too bad, I’m not in the US. So, all that I can do is to spread the words. Thank you Sandy. You are a great person.
Jo-N’s last blog post..Mothers
May 8th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
I just want a day where my three spawn don’t fight with each other and we live in a blissful fairy tale where everyone is happy and cheerful and by the end of the day it is so sickening that you want to vomit.
Shannon’s last blog post..1987, “Nobody puts baby in the corner”, & Risk Level
May 8th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Well I hope you get some of them. I have asked to have the gate panels removed from my little horse trailer and PUT UP.. and have my outdoor riding ring FINISHED before Sunday… not 2010!
Beth from The Funny Farm’s last blog post..My Day’s Agenda
May 8th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Here’s hoping he gets the message. You’ve got a great list going on here. I hope you at LEAST get a shower alone.
As for me, since the hubby just got me my new toy, am totally not expecting anything on Sunday. Or maybe just two hours alone with my 300 DVD so I can drool on Gerard Butler without interruptions.
Menchie’s last blog post..Check out my new toy…
May 8th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
I’ll take alone time over a bigger diamond any day! I hope you have a great Mother’s Day and try not to get your hopes up
May 8th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
If you’re going for the massage - go for the 90 minute one. I got my first 90 minute one this past b-day when I turned 30, and I swear I think I had a mini-orgasm.
Annie’s last blog post..Grown up finals…
May 9th, 2008 at 2:11 am
Love the list. Hopefully he reads it and understands. My 17yo son is the gift innovator as he chose the aqua earrings for my bday and the spa day for Christmas. I knew he was good for something!!!
JaniceNW’s last blog post..So You Want To Be A Nurse? Part I
May 9th, 2008 at 10:42 am
I adore that post, Sandy! Way to go, telling him what you want- that’s the only way, IMO!
No Fucci or Foach! I love how you put the qualifiers in there- leave nothing to chance! haha
Nissa’s last blog post..Wacky Mother’s Day stuff
May 9th, 2008 at 11:14 am
Oh . . . my belly is aching from laughing so dang hard!!! “A grown up size diamond- because the one I have was clearly not made for one. I’d post a photo, but the zoom on my camera doesn’t double as a microscope.” Hee hee!!! I can’t imagine you sending a more discrete and indirect HINT!!!
Can’t wait to see what you get . . .
LaskiGal’s last blog post..100 Posts . . . oh, boy.
May 9th, 2008 at 11:57 am
HYSTERICAL!!! Fucci or Foach.. that is the BEST..
This was the best TT!!
Kim’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen - Ode to my BFF
May 9th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Sorry for this lousy comment, I’m really very tired, but I wanted to say “hi, I loved this post” without sounding like a cliché! But I’m afraid I do now!
Jientje’s last blog post..ABC in pictures …. I is for Ice Cream
May 9th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Love this list - big grin :D!!!And I know the part with the 15 year old clothes
Regarding hubby’s choices. I’,m glad hubby usually picks good stuff
May 9th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
Oh My!! I grew concerned when you said you nearly cried after your one-hour massage. Was it tears of joy?? Please say yes.
Alone time, a shower along, and a massage. SO DOABLE!!
Grandy’s last blog post..Race for the Cure
May 12th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
well you don’t ask for much now do you? Wal-Mart has a very nice range of clothes at afordable prices . I bet you get a $5 gift voucher for the Dollar shop.
Old Knudsen’s last blog post..Choosing Generic Name For Viagra Proves Hard
May 14th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Now that’s some mad bling! Hilarious!
Blessings!
Lacy
May 16th, 2008 at 1:18 am
[…] this Mother’s Day with a list and instructions Hoping he’d come […]
June 26th, 2008 at 11:46 am
[…] Click here if you’d like help in ensuring immunity against bogus gift-itis. […]