While modern technology has ostensibly made our lives easier, it has also created many opportunities to ruin our lives. With just one click.
Oh sure, it’s funny when it happens to somebody else.
My friend, Ingrid (not her real name), was driving around in her car when she called.
“Hello?” I said.
I knew it was Ingrid (still not her real name) because of Caller ID, but she didn’t say anything. At first.
I could hear that airy windy sound when someone is clearly in their vehicle with the windows rolled down.
“Hello?” I said again.
“Oh, nice.” she said.
Huh?
“Now why do you have to piss me off like that? No. No. Excuse me, sir, I was there first.”
Was she talking to someone in her car?
No. I was in the midst of finding out that my friend Ingrid talks to herself. A lot.
“Come onnnn! That’s right, just pull out in front of me. It’s not like my time is more important than yours. Clearly you are in much more of a hurry than I am.”
Now, when you come to the realization that your friend’s phone has mistakenly dialed your number, shouldn’t you hang up? I mean, you could be wasting their monthly plan’s precious minutes.
On the other hand, you could find out some seriously private personal information. What if she says something about you?
I had another friend (let’s call her Hortense) who accidentally called me while talking to her husband in the car. I grabbed a diet soda out of the fridge, made some microwave popcorn and settled onto the couch with a blanket for some great juicy conversation. But after about 35 minutes, I was BORED. Plus the music on their radio sucked.
But that kind of behavior is so wrong. Are you justified in listening because they’re the ones who called you in the first place? It’s not like you asked them to call you and then leave you hanging.
What if you hang on for sixty minutes eavesdropping and then they get their bill and they don’t remember talking to you for an hour. In fact they haven’t talked to you for months. What the heck are you going to say to her if she asks you about it? Play dumb? Like you both were unaware that your phones were connected?
I can just see the innocent look on your face, too. “You don’t remember calling me? Oh really? Well, I don’t remember answering. Huh. Gosh, that sure is weird.”
Or what if she decides she has to make a phone call and she grabs her phone and sees you’ve been sitting there on the line for 20 minutes? How are you going to explain THAT?
Anyway, back to my friend Ingrid, who was heard (by me) to say: “Yeah, I’d like one Filet-O-Fish sandwich and a large order of fries.” And then I listened to her pull up to the first window and pay for her meal. And then I listened to her pull up to the second window to pick up her meal.
I know. I’m a bad person. I’m certain I will pay for my transgressions.
I have yet to decipher all of my new iPhone’s bells and whistles. When I least expect it and I’m in full trash-talking mode, karma will bite me in the nether regions and place a call to the object of my derision. I’ll be in the car with my husband talking about Mildred (not her real name) and how she married an idiot and I give it six months and what does she see in him and God knows what all else when I’m on that kind of a roll.
And because I’m a complete dunce about all those fancy schmancy cell phone applications (or, “apps”, for the lingo-savvy), I will not have installed Eavesdropper 2.0, alerting me with a ringtone snippet from Marvin Gaye’s Heard It Through The Grapevine, that someone is listening to my conversation. Mildred will send me a Twitterrific direct message with a heinous virus rendering me mute and sickening everyone in the car with me. It won’t be pretty, I can tell you that.
Since necessity is the mother of invention, what I really need is a voice-activated application that automatically bleeps out gossip-mongering if my phone makes that dreaded unauthorized call in the first place. Then we’d all live happily ever after.
Goat Thing of The Day
I would like to thank Leslie from Stethescopes and Stillettos for surprising me with this the other day:
OMG! You can’t not listen when someone calls you by mistake! That’s hilarious!
This was hysterical! I once rec’d a call (by accident of course) from my contractor’s phone. I heard him moving stuff…loading stuff from his truck to some other place and he had a helper, whose name I won’t mention to protect the innocent. Anywho, I heard him tell this young guy, “Just go over to their house and move some stuff out of the closet and mamke it look like you are busy.” Ummmmm, I never confronted him with that remark…it wasn’t my closet or my job…but I did have second thoughts about having used him for the work he was doing at my home. I watched him like a hawk after I overheard that call. Maybe my guardian angel made his phone place that call to me…it was definitely a telling remark.
Susan
P.S. Love your blog and your humor…I’ll be back! Found you via The Muse, I think.
I’m guilty of not only listening, but falling asleep because the damn conversation was so freaking long! My nephew used to love to play with his father’s cell phone. When he was only 1 1/2, I got this call that at first I thought was a perve…nope! The heavy little breather was my nephew, then I heard yelling and screaming through a muffled squishing noise. YUP, you guessed it, the child stuck the cell phone in his diaper and I listened in on belly noises, yelling, screaming, angry sex and then some more yelling afterwards. I’d like to know why my nephew was close enough for me to hear “angry sex!” EWWW!
I got bored and fell asleep. I’d do it again though if the little heavy breather called me on the phone…it was entertaining AND a great sedative!
In response to your query – she didn,t comment on me, but she did comment on the state of my marriage –
and she was right lol
he is now an ex…
🙂
That’s a great post as I’ve been the one talking in my car.
Ah, yes. My father uses a blue tooth… a lot. I never know if he’s on the phone or talking to himself.
I would listen in for a while myself. Don’t feel bad.
Let’s call her Hortense? You’re a riot.
Hahaha That kind of thing never happens to me. I have to admit, I would totally listen!
Hahahahaha
I left myself a message at home on my answering machine that way, just this week. I was lecturing my son in the car about something and my cell phone must have accidentally dialed my house. I get home and press play on my machine and hear a message with this nasty voiced woman nagging her 12 year old son. I started to say “who the hell is that?” and then realized—–it was me! Oh well!
Oh my goodness that is too funny.
Can’t say that I have ever had that happen to me.
Oh, we used to have a baby monitor that picked up several of our neighbor’s phone conversations–that was fun. We usually got a snack and pulled up a chair. Wrong, yes, but very entertaining!
This really is a problem–made very hilarious by your telling. I have a good friend whose sister found out her husband was having an affair when he pocket called her while with his girlie friend.
My husband’s phone has this cool feature that makes its buttons disable when he puts it in his pocket–so no pocket calls from him. But we have both received some very boring calls ourselves.
My ex husband call me all the time from his phone. I listen because I’m shallow and want to hear about his transgressions (cheating) on his current wife. Too bad we didn’t have phones like these when we were married I could have saved a lot in legal fees.
I’ve tried to hang up, honestly I have, but the connection wouldn’t die. I kept clicking and clicking to no avail. The person on the other end of my eves dropping was singing at the top of his lungs.
This was terrific, as usual, and I love the names of the people you associate with 😉
one hyphenated word… flip-phone.
but I do have to admit listening when others call me… just in case there’s an emergency or something… ya know…
to answer 2-questions you posted for me…
yes – California
yes – Limbaugh
I had that happen to me on my old cellphone…Called my grandparents while my mom and I were driving into the city to do some shopping. Hate that when that happends!
My father is FAMOUS for calling me on his cell phone without ever knowing it and I am forever listening to him.
Of course I usually call him back to let him know that he’s ‘prank called’ me.
Honey, you need to get yourself a hobby, seriously now.
I do have to admit, that there is only one person who accidentally calls me and leaves me 45 minute voicemail messages. From time to time, I find myself listening to the first 5 minutes to find out if she’s out partying and there’s any juicy gossip I need to know. You know the kind I mean-the stuff I can hang over her head.
You know, most folks don’t call my cell.
I’ve gotten the mistaken home phone calls, but usually I hang up on those because I really want to get annoying telemarketer calls instead!
Let me know if you get anything interesting, so that I can program their number into my phone and return the favor sometime!
I always enjoy the laughs at your web.
Thanks for “butting” in with the funnies!
i really wish i had a friend named Hortense right now. just saying 🙂
I have this happen to me all the time and I didn’t catch on at first. I thought they just liked calling me all the time or had really bad cell reception when I would hear them talking but not to me. Luckily I lock my phone so I can’t “accidently” call them when I don’t mean to. ;p
This was so classic! It just cracked me up! I can honestly say that I have never had this happen to me (that I’ve been able to eavesdrop — and I so would if given the chance — and I don’t think I’ve been eavesdropped on God I hope not) but when we had our baby monitor in the beginning, we were able to pick up conversations in a house near hours and my husband and I were totally obsessed with it…but then it got really boring so we quit!
My husband’s derrière called me once when the phone was in his back pocket. It did NOT have nice things to say.
Oh, I’d listen. Of course I would!
Filet-o-fish, though? Ew.
LOL!
Put the phone on LOCK every time you hang up so that you can’t then end up making embarrassing calls!
Have you missed me? LOL Oh please you did not even know I was gone…LOL
Seriously (well semi-seriously) intriguing post…sort of a big brother by cosmic intervention, fate, happenstance sort of event… mmm the moral and ethical turmoil…
Basically the premise is on the surface quite amusing…but true…at some point ..
CLICK…
We, the one who becomes AWARE, needs to do the right thing. Respect their privacy.
Ok ok I guess I am a true goody two shoes…but you love me still, right?
If they ring you, you’re entitled to listen, record, remix, and redistibute anything you hear, its your duty…
This has never happened to me, and now I truly feel left out of the embarrassing world of phones calling each other by accident.
The great thing about the iPhone is, that you can’t accidentally make a phone call. You have to slide the button across to activate your phone before you can do anything, so no dodgy phone calls ;O)
You can now enjoy listening in to others with no fear of it happening to you! You can even password protect the iPhone, just to be doubly sure that it won’t switch on without your knowledge ;O)
My A-hole of a husband played me singing Georgia Satellites “Keep Your Hands to Yourself” for his entire office on speakerphone a few months ago.
And I have no idea what the words are, so I was making them up and scream-singing to entertain the midget.
I was mortified! And by my own jacka$$ of a husband!! Fu**er!!
Let’s just say he got to keep his hands to himself for a while. heh heh
ahh, so we both were into social voyeurism today! Thumbs up and Smileys all ’round for another fun one.
Mama always told Forest that eavesdroppers deserved whatever it was they heard.
If I was Tracy’s dad I would have waited until after the phone call and then just slipped in a few nuggets in normal conversation. The man left a lot of ammo on the table!
My father is the notorious one for placing unintentional cell-phone calls to me.
You can imagine my extreme discomfort as a psychology major at finding myself repeatedly in my father’s pants.
[shudder]
Fab post!
~ Anna
It’s been an area of significant disappointment. I have yet to:
Solve a crime
Discover the secret formula to Coke
Save an entire elementary school from terrorists
Or solved the DaVinci Code. Was that a long book or what?
But hope springs eternal.
Eavesdrop on! We’re bound to hear something worthwhile eventually!
I’ve called people with my ass before and honestly, it never has anything good to say, so I don’t think the receiver listens for too long.
My sister left me a vm and thought she hung but didn’t, so when I checked my messages I got to listen to 15 minutes of children screaming and her and her husband yell at each other. Fun times!
LOL. I know those calls from my husband, but I really don’t care about listening into him and his soldiers and just hang up. If it would be interesting then that would be a different story.
Once I talked with someone on my cell phone then thought I hung up but I didn’t and then he heard everything I said afterwards so now whenever I hang up and especially if I’m going to talk about the person I was just talking to with the person in the room or car with me I completely turn the phone off then on again because I’m paranoid like that.
I love you for your badness, btw.
This is a funny one! I have to agree with that key lock comment, though. It can help prevent a nasty situation.
Sneaky Nanny real sneaky! How did you land an iPhone? Did the farmer toss it out because he couldn’t pay the bill?
I’ve been on both ends of this … the eavesdropper and the one being eavesdropped ON. I walk around with my foot in my mouth on a regular basis anyway so I suppose it doesn’t matter much.
This is like when my neighbors and I have our baby monitors on at the same time….I try not to listen, but…
I’ve only ever been pants-called once… well, one distinct incident. There were many calls. I’m not exactly sure how, but I don’t think it was intentional.
*ring*
“Hello? Hello? HELLO? Goodbye.” *click*
*ring*
“Hello? … Goodbye.” *click*
*ring*
“Hello?” *click*
*ring*
(Ad tedium. It was about 4am too.)
I did this with email accidentally. I had two friends who weren’t speaking to each other. I sent an email about one to the other. It wasn’t bad…but I felt guilty…
I am guilty of listening – we have several folks who end up calling our land line phone by accident regularly. Unfortunately, most of them aren’t very exciting to listen to. I really need one of those friends who talks to themselves a lot like Ingrid! Can I borrow her? Or maybe you could just program my number into her phone and she will accidentally call me sometime???
LOVE IT! I am guilty to, I am still waiting to get a juciy “oops I accidently called you” converstion. Nothing yet..no fights, sex talk..nothing! What else can we do but wait for that “didn’t really mean to call you” call.
I’ve gotten several ‘pants calls’ before and I (sadly) wait to see how long the ‘pants’ will take until they realize they have called me.
The best thing I have heard is the ‘pants call’ fart….
wishing it was on my answering machine for the eventual blackmail.
Two words:
Key lock
This is exactly why I use it.
When I first started dating my now husband, I was living back at my parent’s house having divorced my ex husband. My folks are very conservative and figured that if I had to be divorced I should spend the rest of my life doing chaste good deeds. So, they weren’t crazy about me seeing anyone.
Late one night my now husband calls me and we’re still in the phase where everything is highly flirtatious and I’m acting like some sort of, I don’t know, coquette or something which is totally not me and certainly not the me I’d present in front of my family as we are all sort of stunted and unable to see each other as fully formed human beings. My now husband decides to get frisky and makes some mention of my thighs at which point my dad calls up the stairs “Tracy! Tracy! I can hear you! The speaker phone is on!”
Yup, I don’t know how it happened, but somehow the phone base was on speaker and what I thought was a private conversation was echoing all through my parent’s house.
You’d think that would cure me of listening to other people’s conversations, but no, it has not.
Haha, I ALWAYS forget to turn my keyguard on, and so this happens to me ALL the time!!
The picture looks great on your blog!!! So glad you like it, thanks for the props!!!
You’re not alone, I do that all the time. I have a friends whose phone is always calling me. I never learn anything interesting though…
My kids do this quite a bit. Problem is that most of the time their phones spontaneously dial, they’re in their jeans and really, pocket lint doesn’t say much.
And then there was the one where someone (not me) was talking to the mother of the bride about the bride’s drinking and anger management problems which essentially made a nightmare out of the wedding reception. The bride was listening, having not been properly diconnected on a previous call.
Ha!
This happens to me weekly… usually it’s my boss’ blackberry, or a friend’s iphone, and then there’s the occasional call from a friend (that i haven’t talked to in ages)… regardless, I’m with you… i listen until it gets boring.
Usually mostly what I hear is the inside of their pocket/purse… and it can be real distracting from the conversation, and/or “goods” that i’m listening for… ya know?
regardless… i keep my blackberry neatly tucked into it’s pouch (that has a magnetic strip that puts it into a “mode” that doesn’t autodial!) thank goodness!
🙂 hilarious post… per the usual.
xo sweet pea!
That cartoon is hysterical. And whoever writes an iPhone app that does what you describe will make a fortune!
The phone thing has happens all the time, usually you can barely make out what is being said, even if you have the volume all the way up and listen for hours! Actually, in the late 80’s/early 90’s my answering machine picked up a conversation by the lady in the apartment below us. I have no idea how it happened by I had twenty minutes of a conversation that involved cheating on her spouse. It took me a little while before I realized who it was but when I did, I was too embarrassed to say hello to either of them.
I usually hang up after about 20 minutes.
That’s funny. There’s no telling what you might hear, though.
well, you only need start to worry when your ringtone switches to marvin gaye’s ‘sexual healing’ and your (completely unintentioanl) voyeuristic ways lead to romantic complications …
My husband once answered our home phone, listened for a second and then rushed into the room saying. “Oh my god, I think someone is being injured”. I listened and could hear someone screaming as though they were being tortured. After listening for a few minutes it became clear that it was actually my cousin and her partner doing, um, other things.
We hung up but to cap things off, she came around the next day and had lost her voice!!!
You’ve inspired me now, I may have to blog about this.
Popcorn, Soda, and mundane blatherings. Sounds like a fun night to me!
That’s hilarious!
I accidentally pocket-called my friend while I was driving and singing at the top of my lungs!!!!! Lol!
Imagine my face when My DAUGHTER accidently called me while “hanging out” with her boyfriend. Now THAT’S a call you do not want to listen to.
Modern technology does have a downside…
One time we made a 111 call, and when the ambulance had finally driven off we wandered back to the car and drove home talking, then dfound the phone line was still locked open, and probably recording! Horrors,,,
But the best, really my worst, experience was when someone thought she had hung up after our conversation, but she hadn’t….