Next time I abandon my blog for a week, remind me to leave a post up about something other than radish sandwiches. What if The New Yorker had stumbled upon Rimarama while scouting for staff writers? I would have blown my chance at the big time.
Which brings me to the subject of today's post.
The P-Dawg and I have a longstanding argument about the nature of writing. For almost as long as I have known him, he's talked about the book inside of him, just waiting to be written. The P-Dawg has not yet penned a single word or even determined what the subject matter of his masterpiece will be, but he does know that, when it is unveiled, his tome will quickly propel him to celebrity and millionaire status.
Once, we were sitting in the living room after the kids were in bed and the P-Dawg said to me, "Rimster, get ready to type because I'm going to start dictating my novel."
It's galling.
From time to time, as we're browsing the stacks at Borders on what we both have come to regard as a hot date night, the P-Dawg will casually flip through the latest self-help bestseller and state, "I could have written this."
Rolling my eyeballs heavenward, I always restate my emphatic and indignant claim:
"P-Dawg, you don't even know the half of it! You can't just sit down and write a book. You have to plan! Research! Write, re-write, and write again! And that's not even taking into account all the time you must devote to self-promotion! Writing is hard work! If it were that easy, everyone would be published. Why, I've been polishing my short story for going on ten years now!"
"Rimster, anyone can write a book. You just have to come up with the right idea and apply yourself."
I won't lie - I've entertained the fantasy of being published. A syndicated advice or humor column would be ideal, but neither would I snub a stint on Chicken Soup for the Soul. It's the applying myself part, the sitting down and writing a query letter and then following up with an actual piece, that gets me every time.
You can just imagine my shock and awe, then, when the P-Dawg came home from work the other day and announced that he would be writing a regular medical advice column in a local paper.
"Seriously??? I didn't even know you were applying for this!"
"No application, Rimster. Just a phone call from the paper requesting my services."
"They just called you up and asked you to write a column for them???"
"Yo."
"Wow! That's awesome!" I exclaimed, a few puffs of steam escaping from my ears despite my best efforts to stop them. "I published a small piece about the merits of radish sandwiches and Magic Erasers today."
A week goes by and the P-Dawg goes about his usual business. Then, on Monday morning, as he's rounding at the hospital, he receives a phone call from his office manager.
"Dr. P-Dawg, the paper just called. Your first column is due this afternoon."
Without missing a beat, our budding journalist locates the nearest computer terminal, makes up a medical question willy-nilly, plunks out a high-falootin' answer replete with gobbledygook medical speak, shoots it off ten minutes later, and voila - he's published.
Me, I'm working on a book entitled, Married to Shakespeare - And You Can Too!
It's all about attitude, you see.
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That thing in the oven on my radish post? A play-doh and sticker pie the V-meister made for her imaginary friend's birthday back in August. And not one comment about the appalling state of my oven! You are too polite, dear readers.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
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28 comments:
Writing a book is an odd thing. I believe you have to have a message that is burning you up inside. It needs to be written so badly that "applying" yourself or not doesn't matter. There's no choice but to write it because it is something that needs to be said.
I recently started reading "Ascent of Humanity" which is the book I would have written. Now that I've found it - and it speaks my truth so well - I have no need to write a book. No burning desire.
yeah, and the guy who already has the career and the MD? gets a column? that is the definition of awesome.
Yeah, but anyone can write about something all...medically. You just write, "Oh, that sounds bad" and "See your doctor".
It takes a lot more than an M.D. to write about radishes.
(Also, I have a sneaking suspicion that P-Dawg and my husband would be BFFs, if we were ever to get them together. Scare-y. !)
Lucky P-Dawg. Aren't you tempted to "accidently" burn his portion of dinner every night for the next week or something?
But seriously, good for him.
Hey maybe P-Dawg will hook you up with his connects and get you a book deal.
Some people have all the luck don't they?
Some people are so sickening like that. :S
I tried writing a book. It was dang good, but frankly, Iloved the research more.
I hear "You should write a book" all the time, but blog writing is perfect for me. I love it.
It IS my book.
Gah. this is my favorite post of yours to date. Better than the jeans one (you did write the size 6 ankle jeans post, no? I tend to blur the blogs sometimes).
Your husband, my husband - we should all be friends. Because that is so totally something Bob would say, and he has been asked to write hospital administrator goo gaws for trade magazines and such - out of the blue. I am like you. You leave posts up about radishes and wait for the lovelies at the New Yorker to call...I leave up pictures of decimated turkeys or talk of labias....and no call asking to write the next Shouts and Murmurs piece.
And I'm also with Thai and Chili - you have to almost want to vomit up your book - my first one came up easy enough - it's the re-writes that I am putting off and putting off - the hard work.
Okay. That was probably the longest comment you or anyone will get from me this year.
Whew.
Aww - good for him.
Did that sound sincere? 'Cause I really tried.
How dare he go and get all published! The Nerve.
=)
You know, that just doesn't seem right. They just called him up? No writing samples, even?
Rima, should I start a newspaper so you can write a column for me? Perhaps a weekly of radish advice?
Actually, I've sometimes toyed with the idea of making a collaborative version of American Hovel Magazine ("The magazine dedicated to lowering acceptable neatness standards in the home"). Your lovely oven would fit right in.
and he writes, too? hmmpf
Grudging congrats to P-Dawg. No one commented on your oven because ours all look worse.
Well, that's pretty darn awesome. (You couldn't see the steam, could you?)
He's got nothing on radish sandwiches.
If he were a girl my Gramma would accuse him of falling in a brick shit house and coming up with a new dress on.
Gratz to p-dawg
Anyone can write a medical column. It takes a true genius to write something visionary about radish sandwiches.
OK, that is just annoying. He got a column handed to him?!? Ugh.
Congrats for your family... and I thought your radish sandwiches post rocked, despite my aversion to radishes. So there. :P
One measley column? That's cool and all, but try coming up with almost daily blog posts! That takes some work.
Seriously, that's great for him. But you're no slouch either.
A columnist opportunity just fell in his lap?!
That sounds like an urban myth. ;)
Just this morning I came up with a great idea for my "next" novel.
I'm filing it away with all the other great ideas I've had. You know, for that time when I finally sit down and start writing them. At about the same time my hands become crippled with arthritis. Cause that's how I roll.
That is pretty radical, Rima! I would have steam coming out even more orifices than you, I imagine.
Being an actor can be that way. Having an attitude. The attitude. Some people have that IT factor and can get work off of it, but then they have to KEEP producing IT and that can be the challenge...
The following-up part is hard. I just submitted some poems for the first time, myself. Just for kicks. And because I had ALWAYS thought of doing it.
Do it! And YES, you should be the one writing a column. Yes ma'am! There's always room for another good writer!
I am always terrified that I'm goign to be putting up some lightweight post and THAT is the day that all the publishers stop by, briefly and never to return.
NO WAY. So, umm, I assume he is in the medical field right? Kudos to P-Dawg.
For the record, if YOU'd write a book, it would be an instant best seller. Uh huh, that's right!
I'm married to a P-Dawg (well, except mine is not a doctor or anything). He's always talking about writing his book, but has never gotten around to it. The other day I made him read a page in a book that was so beautifully written I got tears in my eyes and he was all, "Meh, I don't really get the big deal. I'm more about reading about big concepts, I don't really care how artfully it's written."
Gah! People who don't write have no clue how difficult it is. After I started a piece the other day, people I know wanted to read it thinking it could be done in a few hours.
Sorry for the longest comment ever. Oh, and you so should be a humor columnist. You never know what posts about radish sandwiches can bring you...:)
Oh honey. You SO should be published and widely read -- and the Matron? She knows your pain.
I've written two novels and can tell you, first hand, the key to putting fingers to keyboard is actually desire, not discipline. I read that somewhere, didn't make it up, but I have found that desire (as opposed to discipline) fuels many of the major choices I make. Piece of cheesecake or skip it?
It's not discipline, per se, but just that I desire to fit into the same pair of jeans more than I desire that cheesecake.
The same with writing -- I guess my desire to have a writing career drives me. I started my blog, actually, with an eye toward one of those novels I've written. I'm working with a new agent and am revising the book to be a young adult novel.
And I want that to happen more than I want a glass of wine before bed (some nights) so I work instead.
I totally know this sounds preachy.
Lest I leave you with the wrong impression, my desire for the book/writing life has returned after a two year break of not caring (after my first agent sent me all my rejection letters in one big packet).
First of all, Borders is our hot date spot too! I love going without having to reshelve everything has C pulled off...
Second, I keep waiting and waiting for someone to discover my blog and offer me a column, but so far, nothing. It's very sad, but I might just have to apply myself... gah!
Anyone can write about medical things like hemorrhoids and toe nail fungus.
It takes a true creative genius to write about radishes!
P-dawg needs his comeuppense (sp?).
This is roughly akin to D. announcing to me this morning, "I weighed myself this morning and I've lost three pounds!" He needs to lose zero pounds, mind you.
Finish the short story. Write the article. Or just write a list of article ideas. Begin. It is hard work. No doubt about it. But if it's what one must do, what choice does one have?
I love what Elizabeth George (published author/writing teacher) said in her book on writing: you will be published if you have three things: talent, passion, and discipline.
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