If the presidential race were a beauty contest…
Look, I know NewsMax is a conservative political magazine. I don’t expect hard-hitting investigative journalism, and I don’t expect anything but flattering coverage of Republican candidates and officials.
But Ben Smith noted yesterday that NewsMax wrote a profile about Ann Romney, Mitt’s wife, that is so remarkably over-the-top, one almost wonders if it’s a joke. Alas, it isn’t.
“Ann is warm and very natural. She has the look of an outdoors woman bred to be an equestrian, which she is — good carriage, rosy complexion, square jaw, and blond mane.
“When she is not flashing her truly unbelievable smile, she may lower her eyes demurely. But Ann Romney is not demure — she may be modest, but she isn’t meek. She is unpretentious, but she isn’t shy. She lowers her eyes, thinking, and then looks up directly at her interviewer and dazzles him with that smile.”
Smith noted, “I think I’ve never seen writing, in a publication apparently written by and for grown-ups, like this passage.” Agreed. There’s flattery, there’s sycophancy, and then there’s this. It’s truly breathtaking.
But let’s delve a little deeper. First, it’s worth noting that NewsMax was apparently humiliated for having published such tripe. Less than a day after running the profile on its site, NewsMax gave it a little touch-up. Without alerting readers to the fact that the article had been changed, the publication apparently removed most of the passage, including all of the adjectives. The reader no longer sees anything about Ann Romney’s carriage, complexion, jaw, hair, or “truly unbelievable smile.” (As a rule, it’s unethical to make substantive changes like this without alerting readers.)
Second, if this kind of obsession over appearance sounds familiar, it’s because Mitt Romney was recently lauded for his “sensational good looks.”
And here’s the kicker: this came from NewsMax, too. Better yet, it came from the exact same writer.
Yes, in a recent NewsMax cover-story, Ronald Kessler, the outlet’s chief Washington correspondent, wrote about the former Massachusetts governor:
First, he has sensational good looks. People magazine named him one of the 50 most beautiful people in America. Standing 6 feet, 2 inches tall, Romney has jet-black hair, graying naturally at the temples. Women – who will play a critical role in this coming election – have a word for him: hot.
But it’s more than good looks. In an hour-long NewsMax interview at Romney’s Boston headquarters, the candidate is Reaganesque: a man with a sunny, positive disposition. On his desk he has a desk plate that states “America Is Never Stuck.”
So just when it appeared NewsMax’s Kessler is struck by Mitt Romney’s appearance, he follows up with another piece in which he’s taken aback by Mitt Romney’s wife’s appearance.
So, read NewsMax: the Tiger Beat of the 2008 Republican presidential primary.
Man you are tough. I couldn’t read that shit and keep my breakfast down.
Did it mention the fact that most Republicans think Mormonism is a cult?
Probably not.
Isn’t it nice to see a reporter so in love with his subject?
Shame on Smith, and shame on you too, CB. True love is supposed to be beautiful.
It’s good to see that American political discourse is alive and well in the media.
Does Ann Romney pay $400 for a haircut? And is Mitt going to be characterized as a “Breck Girl?”
Kessler gave up on swinger sites and is now trolling for a menage a trois with the Romneys.
Sensational good looks don’t come cheap. What does Romney pay for a hair cut? Tiger Beat readers want to know.
What will Romney’s bumper stickers say?
Romney ’08 – Damn! I look good!
Another attempt by the Republicans to close the gigantic Hottie Gap. When the mannish Ann Coulter is your Venus, you have a long way to go.
A less generous assessment of Ann Romney would be that she’s strong through the trunk, has a tiny pointy nose dominated by her broad cheekbones, and has hair the consistency of straw from being made blonde.
And check this page out:
http://myclob.pbwiki.com/Ann+Romney
Who’d have guessed there was a Mitt Romney encyclopedia?
“If the presidential race were a beauty contest…”
What do you mean “if?”
Another stupid Butchery (Hey Mickey…)
Oh Romney, you’re so fine,
You’re so fine you blow my mind
Hey Romney! Hey Romney!
Oh Romney, you’re so fine,
You’re so fine you blow my mind
Hey Romney! Hey Romney!
Oh Romney, you’re so fine,
You’re so fine you blow my mind
Hey Romney! Hey Romney!
Hey Romney!!!
You’ve been around all issues,
And that’s a little spun.
I think you’ve got the right,
And you think you’ve got it wrong.
Why can’t you stay on topic
But u can take my vote, Romney!
Please take my vote Romney!
Cuz when you say you do,
It always means you don’t.
The hair givin’ me the chills,
Baby please, baby don’t!
Every night you spin
Leave me all alone, Romney!
Oh Romney, what a pity,
You don’t understand!
You take me by the heart
And you take me by the hand!
Oh Romney, you’re so pretty
Why can’t you understand?
It’s guys like you, Romney!
Oh, what you do, Romney
Do, Romney,
Don’t break my heart, Romney!
C’mon you guys,
the poor schmoe was obviously paraprasing Neal Stephenson’s “The Confusion”. Here’s the relevant passage, from the narration of El Desamparado in the first chapter:
“For several days I was squired around town and feted by various important men including the Viceroy and his wife: a Duchess of very high birth, who looked like a horse when the lips are pulled back to inspect the theet. […] When the ceremony was finished, the Archbishop came up to give his compliments to me, and to the Viceroy, and to the Viceroy’s wife, whom he praised for her chastity and her beauty.
To which I said as follows: that this was certainly the most wretched piece of brown-nosing I had ever heard, for whenever I laid eyes on the Viceroy’s wife I could not decide whether to give her the vigorous butt-fucking she so obviously craved, or to climb on her back and ride her around the zocalo firing pistols in the air.”
Whether Mormonism is a cult or not, I can’t say, but it is definitely the largest cohesive netorworking organization I have ever seen. Mormons also discriminate, especially in business, against non-mormons despite their pious protestations to the contrary. I have known and worked with a lot of mormons and a lot of ex-mormons, of whom there are more than widely supposed, and the networking characteristic is very obvious. If a mormon institution or business is hiring a contractor with identical programs or skills and one is mormon and the other a “gentile” the mormon gets the contract. As to their so called “Theology” it is laughably absurd, but then so is christian theology.
And here’s the kicker: this came from NewsMax, too. Better yet, it came from the exact same writer.
Lonely single writer looking to be meat in candidate couple sandwich. I enjoy brown nosing, baseless lies, and light bondage.
My son was the head of op-research at the DNC, in charge of Mitt Romney. He said Miss Ann is a real piece of work. Evidentally, her horse is called “Gucci”.
And, Taggart for their oldest son’s name? Were the channelling Blazing Saddles?
Quite the bodice-ripper from Newsmax. The next article will be about Mitt and Ann getting together (“Mitt’s strong hands reached for Ann’s milky-white bosom.”) Is Ron Kessler a psuedonym for Barb Cartland or Danielle Steele?
Oh, doubtful. That was good. Maybe someone should actually put it in the Village Voice personals.
It seem outlandish and over-the-top, but bear in mind that propaganda usually is outlandish and over-the-top.
If you pay attention to the Romney campaign, you’ll notice that it is a campaign that pays a great deal of attention to style while doing the bare minimum for substance. You are supposed to envy and admire Romney for his wealth and his good looks and his beautiful wife and their beautiful children. In his campaign videos he is always shown speaking to a sea of white people.
He is running as The Great White Hope.
Racism and misogyny will be undercurrents in the 2008 campaign. You can bet on it.
Mitt appreciates being named Politician/Model and not the other way around.
I can see it now: the handsome prince and his noble steed, or wife if you like, charging into the wicked city, or Washington DC, to right the wrongs and make us all feel marvelous. Are they good or bad? Who knows and who cares; they look marvelous. That’s what we need: beautiful people making all the decisions. Are they religious fanatics? We have had such a good experience with the current religious fanatic, that we need four more years of celestial insight, Mormon style.
My own personal prayer is that the American people have had such an unpleasant time for the last four years, that they are finally ready to grow up and actually look at the ticket they are voting for.
oops, make that eight years.
In the future, all of Ben Smith’s articles about the Romney’s will be written in pink gel pen on a piece of notebook paper, cleverly folded, covered in little hearts, and passed on to readers through John McCain.
Sheesh …
Toning down what sounds like a teenage girl’s diary entry about the football team’s tight end? Unethical???
Merciful.
Cut the guy a break for realizing he was embarrassing himself.
No facts were changed, just subjective opinion. In a world of hinky reporting, this is unworthy of the word “unethical”.
An important guiding principle in ethics, is that ethics covers the large and the small.
In the future, all of Ben Smith’s articles…
Just to clarify, Ben didn’t write the offending story, he found and exposed the offending story.
The fawning praise for the Romneys’ appearance was NewsMax’s Ron Kessler.
Whoops … That’s what I get for posting too fast.
My apologies to Mr. Smith.
Newsflash to Ron Kessler: She ain’t that hot, dude. But if she turns you on, then whatever.
As sdh has alluded to above, this sort of gushing adulation is what you fall back on when you can’t find anything else positive to say about your subject – the books they’ve written, the volunteer organizations on whose boards they sit, the charities they support or the contribution their work has made to the betterment of the social contract. When pretty much all you do, judging from the puff piece quoted, is bat your eyelashes and volley off killer smiles……well, there’s just not much else to say, is there?
After Kessler’s piece on Mitt’s hot looks, he HAD to do the one on Ann to prove to the News Max readers he’s not gay.
Ouch. The first sentence describes Ann Romney as a horse. A show horse, but a horse.
Too many political reporters are very shallow people with a high school (or junior high school) approach to elections. NewsMax is the same, but written by partisan minds of less wattage.
Former Dan,
Your Hey Romney song was brilliant! I loved it, so funny!
I hope it is O.K. that I used it on my Blog (within a funny (I hope) post about Carpetbaggers’ coverage of the NewsMax Story.)
If you have any problems with that use, please let me know, but it was brilliant.
And Carpetbagger? Newsmax, The Tiger Beat of…. ROFLMAO!!!!!
Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire, Jokes and Commentary
Phoebes, Ann Romney has more than one horse and none of the others are named after designers. And, since she hasn’t had the horse since it was a foal it is more than likely that it came with that name.
Anyway, I find the whole thing hysterical.
Say what you want about Mitt Romney, at least he didn’t have to rob the cradle to find a trophy wife, unlike Kucinich or Fred Thompson.
Ann’s drop-dead beautiful, and it’s hard to believe she is a grandmother of ten.
I say that as a Democrat.