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July 17, 2008
Everyone has dignity and worth -- except jerks
by Justin
Is Maya too nice for her own good? My wife is nice; I'm purportedly a nice guy. Combine that DNA and, presto, Maya is nice. But does that mean she won't stick up for herself in the face of bullying?
The other day while at the playground with Dr. Wife, Maya kept being blocked by a boy who was about her age. He got in her way as she climbed up the steps. He blocked her as she approached the top of the slide. The boy was all up in her grill.
And Maya's first response? She stood there, looking a bit confused. My wife is no helicopter parent, so she didn't jump into the fray and toss the boy aside like this dad did at a kids wrestling match. Instead she tried to coach Maya, suggesting to her that she say "Excuse me" to the boy. Instead Maya finally retreated in the other direction. Maybe that kid-tossing dad had the right idea.
Bullies are a part of growing up (and the adult world, come to think of it). As a kid, I managed to avoid bullies, so my main advice would be to not tick off the bully in the first place. Other advice would be avoid eye contact, have a brother on the football team and, above all, don't be a total dork or, if you are a dork, be one that can run fast.
As you can see, this is lousy advice to pass along to Maya. And this example at the playground was barely even a case of real bullying. So how have you dealt with this issue? I'm looking for advice since I'm not sure how fast Maya will be able to run when she's older.
Posted by Justin Chan at July 17, 2008 12:49 AM
Comments
Some people just suck.
Posted by: Nicki ~ Babysteps at July 17, 2008 10:23 AM
No running. Accept. Thug Bug. Bullies will be around. You cannot fight them. You cannot escape them. Accept them. Show them a Thug Bug Hug.
With my own daughter, who is now 6 - I realize life is not ideal for her. My first reaction is to sheild her. This only hurts her in the long run. So - I expose her so she'll understand - and Thug Bug helps.
Positive Messages online? Who knew!
http://web.mac.com/jasonfontaine
Nice blog -too!
Posted by: Jason at July 17, 2008 10:53 AM
We should not encourage our children to step aside for bullies. Instead, try to teach them to be assertive - not aggressive like the bullies. They can stand up for their rights without becoming a bully themselves, and without spending the rest of their lives as a submissive recluse.
The most endearing moments I have had as a parent of teenagers is witnessing them looking straight in the eye of a bully and telling them to shove off. Then turn away without looking back.
Posted by: SamtheRocker at July 20, 2008 08:27 AM
My nephews don't have a problem with telling another kid/adult they are out of line. He'll look you in the eye and say, "Hey! WAIT!" He'll proceed to take his turn and then get back in line. I'm sure he could say it in a more polite manner but the kid/adult is being rude in the first place. It's "funny" what kids will do when you just sit back and watch them.
Posted by: LaFoo at July 21, 2008 12:44 PM
OMG do I have stories!!!Uhm I think I am all of the above. The don't mess with my kid parent, the defend yourself parent, the tell the teacher first parent, and the It's ok Life happens parent. It is all given in each situation. My daughter was a fiesty lil toddler. No no she was not to be bullied. Then she got older got a brother and learned to not hit smaller kids not matter what and now she gets picked on. So I am now at a cross roads. No I am lying I Told her plain as can be. If you are at school and someone hits you, tell the teacher, they do it again hit them back. And I of course called the school cause def happened. And told the teacher. I am not going to discipline or correct my child if she is defending herself. So sit these two away from each other. And also if the next time this lil kid touched my child I will ask for a teacher parents conference and let the other momma know if her kids puts a hand on my child again her kid will feel mine and so will she! So you see I am a inner bully but think it's just a protect your cub kind of thing. I think nothing of telling another child they are out of line with mine.
Posted by: Maricela at July 21, 2008 02:41 PM
