Ask the Readers: How Do You Reconcile Acceptance with Striving to Improve?

Bill K. Says:

November 14th, 2007, 20:26 pm

I have a lot of the same questions that Nick has asked. And I have as few answers for him, but I’ve started reading “The Way of Zen” by Alan W. Watts as a starting point. It gives a brief history of the many Buddhism branches, and then moves into Zen discussion in the 2nd half of the book.

What I find amazing is how true the book remains today with some of it’s thoughts, even though it was written in 1954.

Evan Hadkins Says:

November 14th, 2007, 20:37 pm

Your desire in the moment IS who you are.

Both remembering and anticipating are done here and now.

Being in the moment is a recognition of the way things are. It is not a command to change or a moral imperative. Recognising the truth of how things are (that I am quite a mess of competing desires for instance) brings with it a sense of balance and centredness.

As we listen to who we are we find our own way - our own rhythm and work, how we relate to others and so on.

On the desire for self-improvement, a heard a remark from a Tibetan buddhist: if someone wishes to criticise you and you beat them to it, I ask you, “Where is your compassion?”

Listen to all your competing desires, you can usually find a way to reconcile them (with some creative work) - after all, they are both (or all) part of you.

Hope this makes sense.

Joel Sanda Says:

November 14th, 2007, 20:37 pm

Why can’t desire to improve “be who you are in the moment”? I think the “room for doing anything other than what you are doing now” is there because improvement is part of who we are. If it wasn’t we’d not be conversing via the Internet - it would likely be near a cave entrance somewhere in Europe a million or so years ago.

Perhaps there’s an element of acknowledging things we can’t change. If one cannot change the weather and suffers from depression in a cloudy and rainy climate then part of the recognition of the moment is how unsuited that person is for where he or she currently lives. So packing up and moving to sunny Arizona may be recognition of what can’t be changed: the weather in Seattle and ill effects of weather.

In that sense there’s plenty of room for improvement and moving to a new city.

Daniel Says:

November 14th, 2007, 20:42 pm

I am also trying to resolve the same contradiction. Maybe the solution is to have desires, but not to identify with your desires. If you reach your goal life is great, if you do not reach your goal life is still great. You still can have your goals, but you do not feel miserable if you do not reach them.

Susan Hunter Says:

November 14th, 2007, 20:47 pm

I think it’s about accepting who you are in the moment, as a person with those desires to get a better job or move to a different city, but not putting off your enjoyment of life or this current moment until you have acheived those things.

For example, I write primarily because I enjoy it, and secondarily because I want to publish a novel some day. If I didn’t enjoy it, I wouldn’t want to publish. Conversely, if I never publish, then I have enjoyed the writing and for that reason it can never have been a waste of time. Because happiness is in the task, not the completion, the goal itself is a secondary factor to being in the moment and enjoying the progression towards that goal.

One day, I will achieve those goals that I am currently striving towards. But while acheiving these goals will give me great pleasure, I do not expect them to make me any more fundamentally happy than I am at the moment. Thus, having some tasks left on my to do list for this life does not affect my happiness in this moment, no matter how hard I am striving towards them, because I can find pleasure and fulfillment in the *doing* rather than the *have done*.

Maybe that’s zen, maybe it’s not, but it’s the philosophy that rules my life - which is why I love this blog. :)

Angela Says:

November 14th, 2007, 20:59 pm

I practice zazen and am always very interested in the philosophy behind it. I have raised the same question before.

The best explanation I have heard is “effort without desire”. We make the effort to relieve suffering for both others as well as ourselves because it is in our compassionate nature. It is natural for us to want to feel motivated and inspired by our job. At the same time, we do not cling to any fantasies and delusions about our present situation. At any moment, we are mindfully aware of our situation and any negative emotions, and we do what feels intuitively natural for us without being driven by those emotions. That is how I define “being in the present”.

Tina Su - Think Simple. Be Decisive. Says:

November 14th, 2007, 21:14 pm

>> How do you reconcile the zen idea of reducing desires and just being with the desire to leave a boring job?”

I’ve been confronted with the same questions on several occasions this year. And have spent much time contemplating and learning from various teachers.

I’m learning that the notion of “dropping your desires” in Buddhism and other related spiritual practices is not actually forcing yourself to drop your desires. What we resist persists. The more we deny ourselves, the more we will actually desire it.

I’ve come to understand that when we are at peace with ourselves, with our inner self, our core… that we’ll be in a state of utter contentment and bliss. The source of this beautiful energy is so powerful that when we are in this state or have experienced it, we will naturally discover that nothing else external to us can compare to it. And that we will never find ourselves in external things (desire). And so certain desires starts to drop on it’s own, naturally. With time and continued practice, more desires will be dropped. The point of meditation in these practices is to get to this state within yourself. It has been said by many gurus that meditation is the only way to ‘liberation’, it’s a tool that will get you there with practice.

These spiritual practices are actually techniques to connect you with your source/higher-self/god/inner-self (pick your name) and not focused on dropping desires. Looking from the outside, one will see that Zen Buddhism and other branches focuses on dropping desires, because that is the result, the effect of such practices that we see.

Here’s a quote from Swamiji Nithyananda’s book, “Meditation is for you”:

“.. without exception, every single goal – points to the same thing: a yearning for the state of bliss. Can anyone disagree with that? Can anyone say,(…) I don’t care about being happy, being blissful? Each of us is searching for nothing but bliss. However intellectual, however sophisticated may be the term in which we express it, we are all seeking bliss. Only the ways in which we are searching is different. Through money, through power, through relationships – through all the comic and tragic dramas of our daily lives, we are searching for bliss. It is the single motivating force of our lives.”

I recommend two outstanding books that addresses the subject and your questions:

1. “The Power of Now” - Eckhart Tolle
2. “Guaranteed Solutions” - Nithyananda

If you are not happy at your job. Leave. Figure out what would make you ‘happy’ and then make a plan to execute it. If you would like to move to another city. Do it. :)
Make both decisions in presence.

I hope you or someone out there found this helpful.

Love & Gratitude,
Tina
Think Simple. Be Decisive.

Joe G. Says:

November 14th, 2007, 21:39 pm

I am a poor student of Zen but I will try to answer…

Chuang-tzu the Taoist philosopher (some would say that Indian Buddhism and Chinese Taoism combined to form the basis of Zen) tells the story of a cook which might help illuminate the seeming contradiction.

(Translation is from Thomas Merton)

Prince Wen Hui’s cook was cutting up an ox … The ox fell apart with a whisper. The bright cleaver murmured like a gentle wind. Rhythm! Timing! Like a sacred dance …

Prince Wen Hui:
Good work! Your method is faultless!

The cook:
Method? What I follow is Tao beyond all methods!
When I first began to cut up oxen I would see before me the whole ox all in one mass. After three years I no longer saw this mass. I saw the distinctions. But now I see nothing with the eye. My whole being apprehends. My senses are idle. The spirit free to work without plan follows its own instinct guided by natural line, by the secret opening, the hidden space, my cleaver finds its own way…

Then I withdraw the blade, I stand still and let the joy of the work sink in. I clean the blade and put it away.

Prince Wan Hui:
This is it! My cook has shown me how I ought to live my own life!

On a personal level, I relate this to my study of Zen and of martial arts. Formlessness and form hang together, to attain one you must have the other. Thus Zazen or ZTD or a Kata (Karate form) or driving a car all start with form. One becomes a master when one has become formless within the form. At this point any seeming contradiction disappears and you find the two are one.

Remember the first time you drove a car how nervous and unsure you were, how conscious of the rules of the road? Now you can drive the car, talk on the phone, and drink coffee at the same time(not very zen ;). Driving has become almost instinctual. The form has become formless. The same applies to any sport or activity. Thus Zen practitioners practice flower arranging, pottery, sword making and sitting still. The key is just to practice without desire or striving. Improvement takes care of itself. This is what mind like water is all about. (incidentally I believe GTD is heavily influenced by Zen philosophy).

I hope that helps.

Mike Says:

November 14th, 2007, 22:01 pm

I accept who and what I am now.
I am living in the now.
I sit on the couch.
I am living in the now.
I am hungry.
I am living in the now.
Do I sit and starve living in the now?
I am hungry.
I am living in the now.
I get up and find something to eat.
I am living in the now.
I eat and feel satisfied.
I am still living in the now.

The point is that taking action on something we desire and/or need does not mean never thinking and acting on our thoughts we are NOW thinking. There is no such thing as living in the present - as it just passed. SNAP. That fast. There is no such thing as living in the future, as that is, as of this moment, the present, which has now passed because it is now no longer the present, but the past.

Mark Ayers Says:

November 14th, 2007, 22:03 pm

This has been my answer for a few years now.

Anyway

thus it is said and thus it shall be
i am that i am
if i can watch my mind think
i think therefore i need Thorazine

balance

be content
without discontent where from does progress come
is progress that important

anyway

Vanessa Says:

November 14th, 2007, 22:47 pm

I pulled the essentials of the Buddhist Eightfold Path from Wikipedia and put them on a Jottit page (partly to try out Jottit, partly because I really liked the principles).

It’s not Zen, but it is Buddhism. One of the principles is ‘Making an effort to improve’; the two next are ‘Having the mental ability to see things for what they are’ and ‘Being aware of the present reality within oneself, without any craving or aversion.’

So you have an acceptance of what is, combined with an intelligent awareness of what’s ideal and a decision to aim for that (in the present). I come from a Christian background, and Christianity takes the same approach: you use your brain to be aware of whether you’re doing/thinking/saying the right thing or not, but accept that you’ll never be perfect, forgive yourself and be at peace, but continue aiming for perfection nevertheless.

Mark Says:

November 14th, 2007, 22:47 pm

The question is what you mean by the statement “accepting who you are”. Who I am at my core is not the same thing as who I am as the roles I play in society define me. In fact the two may be in direct conflict with each other — they often are, hence the popularity of self-help, religion, and the like. Buddhist isn’t just about accepting things as they are, full stop — it’s about accepting and understanding things as they are, understanding how things ought to be, and then seeking to bring the former toward the latter.

Charu Says:

November 14th, 2007, 23:07 pm

I am just a learner - here is my understanding. Being in the moment is all about awareness, giving yourself fully to whatever you are doing now. It does not exclude future planning - otherwise how will we even manage our day? When you plan, you just plan, when you execute, you only execute.
As regards desires, It is perhaps not as much about eliminating desires as about being attached to things. It is attachment that causes suffering. It is fine to desire things, but as soon as they start to define who you are, you are in dangerous territory! I like chocolate, but if I believe that I cannot manage without it, I am setting myself up for suffering.

If you want to change your job, what matters is to be clear on why you want to do it. Unless you deeply understand yourself and your motives, the change may not improve your current state. If the pay is not enough to feed my family of four, I need to change. However, if it is just an undefined feeling that I am worth more or that I will be better off somewhere else, then some deeper understanding is required. The reason for this deeper understanding is that it leads you to what will give long lasting happiness rather than moving from one thing to another and then getting dissatisfied.

The ultimate goal of Buddhism, meditation, Zen is happiness. However, they all focus on a happiness that is long lasting, comes from within, from a deep understanding of yourself and in the ultimate analysis seeing yourself as an inseparable part of all creation.

Hope this helps.

Chris Says:

November 14th, 2007, 23:40 pm

[Caveat: I've only been a (Korean) Zen practitioner for about 1 1/2 years] I think the key to solving this dilemma is the fact that Buddhism does NOT say that desire is inherently bad; it’s the ATTACHMENT to desire that causes suffering. I think some of the things you say in your blog point to the answer. It’s OK to want material things, or to want things in your life to be different. It’s just when we hang our hat on it — when we start thinking that the whole of our happiness rests on those things — that we cause suffering. I can wish until the cows come home that I was a great artist. And there is nothing wrong with pursuing art classes, practicing, etc. But when my happiness depends on the outcome of actually becoming that great artist I pictured in my head, there is where the danger lies.

Justin Says:

November 15th, 2007, 0:31 am

For what it’s worth, as a practicing Zen Buddhist, Chris’s answer directly above seems quite on target to me.

Albert | UrbanMonk.Net Says:

November 15th, 2007, 1:56 am

Hey Leo, beautiful question, and one that I’ve pondered on for a long time. I’ve written on this topic before, here’s a quote from it:

“How can you not?

Have you ever seen a man who is in love with his car? He spends hours polishing it, waxing it, tinkering with the engine. Have you ever seen a woman and her infant? Does she leave it alone, simply because it is perfect as it is? No. The baby is perfect to her and yet she wants the best for it. She cuddles it, kisses it, feeds it, and plans for its future. Where is the conflict?

And, I beg you, think of the opposite. How many self-improvement projects stem from a lack of self-acceptance and self-love? How many of us meditate, work out, volunteer at a charity, go looking for a lover, drive ourselves to earn more - to fill a deep sense of “not enough”? ”

Comes from this post here:
http://www.urbanmonk.net/135/love-sorrow-and-attachment/

Noone Says:

November 15th, 2007, 2:43 am

Zen does not speak of desire only students of Zen and its interpreters speak of desire. All Zen tries to tell you is that suffering is a result of being separated from wholesomeness or oneness. And that this separation is only in your mind, it is the ultimate illusion. Zen tells you that the mind strives to maintain this sense of separation through various ways including desire as desire only exists in duality. And what drives desire? When all is said and done isn’t it the potential for happiness? But you’re not attached to your desire which means your happiness doesn’t hang on the fulfilment of your desire so what drives your desire? World peace? Saving the planet? Very noble to be sure but really it’s all about feeling good with you. And if you are not attached to the outcome what is there to desire? What drives you? Aren’t you already happy? Yes… No… Agh! Brain fart!
And Zen will tell you that this is ok because everything just is… that’s it… just is. Nothing is good or bad, peaceful or violent… it just is. You cannot be but what you are which is to say you are nothing which makes you everything. Meaningless gibberish? No doubt.
There is nothing to reconcile where Zen is concerned. Desire, attachment, suffering, happiness… it just is.
And sometimes the question arises: How do I become whole again? How do I return to oneness? Again that question comes from the mind as a trick to keep you in duality. How is it a trick? By asking the question the mind makes you believe that being whole is something to seek, something to become… something separate from you and thus you embark on a “spiritual” search to find your higher self or soul or whatever thus enforcing the illusion of separation: “I am me and I have a higher self”, “I am a Zen Buddhist and you are a Christian”, all labels, all tricks. Your mind will make you turn to gurus, teachers or books, it will give you “experiences”, flashes of intuition, dreams, out-of-body flights, all of which will strengthen your belief that you exist separate from all around you, separate from your guru or from your experience. And as you “progress” you will feel more important and your guru will feel more important and perhaps one day you will have this flash and you will say “Aha! I get it now! Now, I am enlightened!” and of course that will be a trick too. It will be a trick because no one can be enlightened because enlightenment is the realisation that there is no one here to be enlightened. Only no-one can awaken. And when no-one awakens no-one laughs, laughs at the joke it plays on itself.
So just know yourself, observe your mind, truly observe it for that is zazen. Have desires or not, be attached or not, seek peace or not. Practice zazen while you are working on your desires, while you are yelling at your kids or swearing at the driver who cut you off. Watch your thoughts. Do not fight them, do not stop them, do not question them or encourage them. The mind quietens when it is scrutinised and once the mind is quiet all is done without doing. Wei Wu Wei, action through non-action.
Hold no beliefs, not even Zen. Not even what is written here. Just be.

"If we genuinely strive to improve, we learn to accept who we are." Says:

November 15th, 2007, 3:57 am

Leo, what an interesting post! How can you nail it day after day and post after post? That’s another philosophical question I am seeking an answer for… ;)

On topic. I believe that if we genuinely strive to improve we learn to accept who we are. And of course our identity isn’t determined by the job we are performing… Boring or cool: it doesn’t matter.

In fact, the separation of our core identity and the role we are performing, is even trickier to remember if you are working in a company/role that is socially regarded as cool. You are not your company, regardless of what they want you to believe…

Marco

Patrick Says:

November 15th, 2007, 5:23 am

Sounds like a paradox but it doesn’t have to be so. Buddhism focuses of ‘being in the now’. That means caring for the now and experience who you are and what you feel right now. To “see” yourself, the world and yourself in the world as it is.

Now I think “striving” for goals and perfection in itself is a contradiction to “being in the now”. So let’s try something else and turn it all upside down. Let’s keep focusing on the now but instead of sitting on your bum and hum you start doing what you love to do. This means let go of the ‘desire’ to grow but instead just act in a way that feels good to you.

I reckon growth and eventually perfection will then come by itself. And it will be a helluva lot easier than when you try to force it upon yourself by swimming against the stream and focus on the thing called ‘growth’ that is not a “thing” in itself, but a concept. Buddhism isn’t a concept but a way of life. And that is what growth should be.

Achim Says:

November 15th, 2007, 5:40 am

As you posed that questions one thing came into my mind first:

There seems to be a connection with the notion
that “time is an illusion”.

This would mean that you are NOW every person you can be and want to be.

I think the idea about desires is an oxymoron and therefore I don’t take it literally. IF you want to detach from desires you still have the desire to DETACH FROM DESIRES.
What about that one?

I do a Dale Carnegie course right now where we work with visualisation and mental training. Where you act, think and feel as you are already the person you want to be.

Striving for excellence is very important for me to,
but I am very cautions when every the term “perfect”
and “perfectionism” arrive, because people often program themselves for unhappiness.

To reach for the stars is good as long as you are gentle with yourself if you don’t reach them, but still very eager to pursue your goals and ideals.

Ideals:
The stars are here for our orientation, to reach for them,
to show a direction for growth.

Principles:
If you ever had to sacrifice something because of your principles, you have proven them. Everything else
is just a nice thought, without the power.

I once lost a job because of my principles.
That both hurt and felt very good at the same time.

Achim

Dan T Says:

November 15th, 2007, 6:10 am

Does the desire to improve cause suffering?

Can one be happy without being content?

What motivates an enlightened being to stick around and help others?

Kleinman Says:

November 15th, 2007, 6:45 am

I am surprised nobody written concerning post by MIKE way back up. Brilliant. I had to read last paragraph several times but it finally was understood by me.

Hello from Bonn, Germany as I prepare noon meal.

Mary J Says:

November 15th, 2007, 6:59 am

How we reconcile acceptance with striving? That’s a good question and one that many of my Zen students wrestle with. I think it’s important to ask what kind of acceptance are we talking about here. Does this mean that we blindly accept injustice, persecution, poverty and so on? I hope not! Or does it mean that we are willing to experience the present moment fully—without wanting it to be different?

Is the striving ambition, or is it aspiration? There’s a world of difference between the two. Ambition is the wish to be different from how we are. That’s a self-centred desire that often has its roots in a self-dislike. Aspiration is the heartfelt wish to unfold our full potential—and to encourage others to do that to. Spiritual practice encourages aspiration. One of the teachers way back in my lineage said, “I want to be a tree, offering shade to all beings.” A grand aspiration!

From a Zen point of view the rub is this: On one hand we are already perfect and complete, just as we are right now. There is nothing missing at all. On the other hand, we need to develop in our spiritual practice to truly see into that perfection.
Mary Jaksch, http://www.goodlifezen.com

Rolf Says:

November 15th, 2007, 7:01 am

Nick

Welcome to your path :)

Perhaps you might consider the motivation behind your desire to change?

Paul Says:

November 15th, 2007, 8:17 am

It’s an interesting topic: suffering and craving. Recently, an $800 overdraft made me stop and realize how I was craving, and suffering because of it. One second after something is new, it is not. One second after you acquire anything, it owns you. I am trying to loosen my attachment to the material world, but I am having little success. One major impediment is my attachment to stamp collecting and model trains. But: is it bad that I enjoy these hobbies? I have made friends because of them, and have learned much that can be applied to becoming a better person. Perhaps it is not what we are attached to, but what the effect is that attachments have on us. If we are blind and deaf to the suffering of others, and do not want to take their suffering on us; if we crave only to fill a void, then we may be on the wrong path. Our efforts should be to relieve our suffering through taking on the suffering of others so that they may be happy, which in turn, brings us happiness.

j-ster Says:

November 15th, 2007, 9:07 am

Carl Rogers said “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

It’s a little off of the original question, but at the same time it’s not.

Kerim Mansour Says:

November 15th, 2007, 9:39 am

“How do you reconcile the zen idea of reducing desires and just being with the desire to leave a boring job?”
The zen idea is not only to reduce desire but also to reduce suffering.
You do not really have a “desire” to leave the boring job, but rather have the wish to reduce the boredom.
And of course you can be the one you are at any moment. You are in the end nothing else than someone who wants to reduce suffering.

Jay Wiese Says:

November 15th, 2007, 9:54 am

Mu!

Ha ha!

Hamish MacDonald Says:

November 15th, 2007, 10:23 am

As someone who’s also been contemplating this question for a while, I found this post and the subsequent comments very helpful.

Thanks to everyone for sharing their obviously heartfelt and hard-won insights (and for presenting them in such literate, graceful words — what a refreshing change from the usual misspelled shouting matches online).

This was a great reminder that it’s fine to *have* desires, but freedom comes from not *being* those desires.

Ahhh. Peace already.

Dave Wendel Says:

November 15th, 2007, 11:30 am

Self desire or self improvement is not necessarily bad. Siddhartha (Buddha) used to starve himself before he realized that starving himself was hurting his body at which point he was not working towards helping others to reduce and end suffering. If you are miserable at your job you are creating suffering within yourself and others because at some level you are affecting them due to your unhappiness. I personally believe that in the end as long as you understand that the grass isn’t greener on the other side and that it is just different grass with some more positive attributes you will be ok. Thinking that if I only could get that new job and my life will be perfect will just lead to more craving and more suffering.

Will H Says:

November 15th, 2007, 11:41 am

I have to second what Mary said. When I learned the difference between Desire and Aspiration, the whole issue cleared up for me. Aspiration encourages the pursuit of what makes us happy (which can make us pretty happy in itself). The trick is remaining open to where those aspirations can lead you and not being so attached to a pre-determined goal that you overlook unexpected outcomes.

Aspiration is a positive drive that seeks the best in yourself, while you seek the best thing for yourself.

Niels Teunis Says:

November 15th, 2007, 12:07 pm

What would you do if you really knew yourself? I think that that is the question that Zen Buddhism asks. Self improvement is not self improvement, because we don’t know ourselves. That is why we get sold a bill of goods. For instance, do you work out because you have flabby abs or because you love to express your body? Think about it. There is huge difference. The difference between the two is what zen asks about. In all fairness, why do you sit? In a desire to improve yourself?

jim mcgrath Says:

November 15th, 2007, 12:14 pm

To desire a different way of life,or a better life is seeking improvement. We are here to learn from our mistakes and to grow. So to desire improvement is of value. We need to strive to be aware of self, while living our daily lives. The more aware we are of self, the better connected we are to our higher self. The higher self will lead us into better choices in our daily lives. That is why we meditate, to connect with the higher self, so that we make better decisions each moment of our life. I think the key word here is attachment. If we remember what we are,it is difficult to be attached to all the material aspects of our lives. Stay centered in your self, and your choices of life will have to be closer to what the higher self wants you to learn.

Adam Miller Says:

November 15th, 2007, 12:17 pm

This is an interesting topic, and I think strikes not only to an interesting Zen dichotomy, but also one in much of personal development.

The way I try to see it is that I can accept that the present moment is what it is, and wish for something to be different in the future. I think the challenge comes when people then start trying to make the present moment the future, or are frustrated that the present moment isn’t the future ideal.

So how to get around this? I think its a state of mind (like so many things) that you accept what is as what is, but the very nature of the future is that it will be a different moment.

The other thing to consider is that without accepting the true nature of the present moment, you will have a much harder time in trying to see the path to the future, as you’ll never know exactly where you’re starting from.

jim mcgrath Says:

November 15th, 2007, 12:24 pm

Adam, I agree. The present moment is what it is. We created the present moment by the decisions we have made in the past. We must accept ourselves and our present moment as it is. To change our future depends on our choices that we make at this very moment. If we want a better future, we need to look at our present and start making decisions that will bring about that future.

max Says:

November 15th, 2007, 12:38 pm

Shunryu Suzuki-roshi : You are perfect as you are, and you could use a little work.

dimmak Says:

November 15th, 2007, 12:41 pm

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.”
George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950), Man and Superman (1903) “Maxims for Revolutionists”

I am just fine reaching nirvana unreasonably and bringing everyone else along for the ride.

Eugene (Editor, Varsity Blah) Says:

November 15th, 2007, 12:53 pm

You’re right when you say it’s about being happy with where you are while still striving for better things. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.

However, I think the most important thing is to never make your happiness CONDITIONAL on those better things. That’s pretty much asking for trouble. If it doesn’t come with what you already have, it never will.

jim mcgrath Says:

November 15th, 2007, 13:05 pm

my granddaughter is also at Eugene. U of 0. Brit Mcgrath
Your happiness needs to be in acceptance of you and where you are now. I like the thought of not basing your happiness on the things you have around you.

Ryan Says:

November 15th, 2007, 13:11 pm

I recommend “Hardcore Zen” by Brad Warner - its a book on Zen that strips away the ritual and over-philosophical elements of Zen and focuses on action.

Nick Says:

November 15th, 2007, 13:15 pm

Wow, you guys have been great! You’ve given me a lot of ideas on how to approach it.

I’m not trying to eliminate desires, but I am sick of my job and thinking of moving to a new city. But I’ve read Zen Mind, Beginners Mind, and it has such an emphasis on being present that I wonder where there is room to think about the future.

Maybe that thinking about the future is occurring in the present and is who you are, and realizing that is enough.

Still, I can’t help but feel like part of zen philosophy is to get you to realize that your problems have more to do with you than with the world.

At some point though it doesn’t make sense to try and fix them (such as in an extreme case of spousal abuse), but instead you should leave them.

So I have a life that I am unhappy with. It seems like Zen says that the problem is me and that I should focus on being present. And I’m sure it is me, in that I created the life I have. But some things only change by changing the outer circumstances. Of course, if the distinction is artificial, maybe trying to change the outer circumstances is fine, but you should recognize the things in you that created those circumstances.

Thanks again, you’ve been really helpful.

jim mcgrath Says:

November 15th, 2007, 13:24 pm

Nick, I think you are on the right track. You can not go in and change the environment of the company you work for, but you can change your environment. If you can not move to a different department, then put the energy out to help you find a more positive environment in your job. It may require you to move away and then maybe not. To sit in meditation all day does not get things done. You need to play an active part of your life. The better you are connected with your soul,essence, higher self, then the better your decisions will be about your life.

Jane Says:

November 15th, 2007, 13:36 pm

It is a common misconception that Buddhism says you must drop your desires. What the Buddha said was that desires are the cause of “suffering” or, another translation, discontent. It is when we attach ourselves to those desires that they become the cause, not having them in the first place. If your desire to become a better person is something to which you become so attached that you can’t function properly in the moment, then you have a problem. It is also when your mind begins to move that you will have a problem. If, in addition to saying to yourself, “I would like to improve the way I relate to people,” you begin creating a story or lengthy tale about it, then you will probably run into problems. It is the chatter that happens on top of the moment that the Zen Buddhist is trying to quiet.
I would like to improve myself by …….. No Problem
What if that isn’t the right desire? What if I’m being selfish? What if I don’t improve and people hate me? What if I’m not doing this right? ….. checking, checking, checking ….. Problem

Mark Says:

November 15th, 2007, 14:07 pm

I think you are making this more complicated than it is. Self-improvement is not a source of suffering, denial of the moment, or even a desire. The Dalia Lama wants to move back to his home of Tibet, but also accepts in the moment that he is not there.

It would seem the desire to improve is ok provided the motivation comes from 1) helping others 2) the desire to improve is not fueled by a sense of suffering, but a recognition of your injecting suffering into the world 3) you can accept your imperfections in the moment.

Before discovering Buddhism, I was very belligerent to my family. I obviously had to improve myself. It was through the meditation and practice that I learned to accept my feelings of anger, but not to act on them, to be compassionate.

Without your desire to self-improve, you would not have started, nor continue to, practice Zen.

Barry Says:

November 15th, 2007, 14:08 pm

If you can get past this question, the next step is what zen says about goals:
When trying to reach a goal, take a straight-line path toward it. If the path is clear, you will reach it quickly. If not, you will encounter obstacles. Wait until you encounter an obstacle before exploring alternate paths. (In other words, don’t be a stumbling block in your own path.)
Everything in life is a goal. Getting up to get a drink of water is a goal. The point to zen is: if something is on your mind, go and do it. If while washing the dishes, you think your bed needs to be made, go and make the bed. Returning to the dishes, if the floor needs to be swept, go sweep the floor. This is practicing mindfulness, and if you are master at anything in life, you are master of it all. And the formlessness of a master will dictate what is most important, what is worthy of your time, and guide you to the next task.

Dot Hage Says:

November 15th, 2007, 14:50 pm

I’m not sure this post will be helpful, but as a student of psychology as well as of metaphysics, I’m not convinced that the path of ridding ourselves of all desires leads to anything I want or is even good for me.

beartoe Says:

November 15th, 2007, 15:12 pm

A wise man once told me not to fantasize about the future. The present places too great a demand on our faculties for us to effectively live in the moment AND dream a better future.

jim mcgrath Says:

November 15th, 2007, 15:19 pm

The thought to rid the self of desire, is a desire in itself.
What was written a thousand years ago was intended to deal with consciousness of that time. Today these thoughts would have been expressed very differently.

gayle Says:

November 15th, 2007, 16:11 pm

My primary studies have been of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras. They mesh extremely well with the tenants of Buddhism and Taoism, coming from about the same time and place.

Bill K… “Way of Zen” is a fabulous book, full of yoga.

All the comments have been so great! I’ll try to add without repeating what has been said.

The lessons of Yoga and Buddhism are fabulous, but sometimes it is hard to translate to real-life use. However, have no doubt that they absolutely DO work in real modern life.

Remember… Perception is Reality.

I have learned that you may have whatever you want, as long as you are prepared to lose it. It’s the attachment and grasping to not lose it that brings the suffering.

Example: You can love having that Mercedes. But if you are in hock up to your eyeballs to get it, and then freak out when it gets some dirt or a scratch, then you are suffering needlessly. Your ego is attached to all the labels that car gives you (rich, powerful, secure, etc.). Why do you need these labels? They are not YOU.

Meditation helps teach you what your “buttons” are, those root things. Understanding your obstacles helps you overcome them. Getting back to your true Self means understanding all the reasons why your personality reacts to the normal stimulus of life (mom didn’t love me, I got lost when I was five, I want the security of the “American Dream”, etc. etc. etc.)

For the lousy work environment. BEEN THERE. First step, change how you view it. Your job is a resource. Choose to make it a good experience. Be the employee you wish everyone else was. Get off the grapevine (and it can be lonely without it!). Watch your intentions… why do you want another job? Why are you not content at this one? Is there no way to change it? Ok, then. Look for a new job. But realize that your job does not define your happiness.

Contentment is the secret to a happy life. And everything you need to be content is right inside you, right now. You just have to find it and be true to it.

dimmak Says:

November 15th, 2007, 17:09 pm

Don’t overthink the issue. Go have an adventure and come back with a fresh perspective.

Maura Says:

November 15th, 2007, 17:20 pm

A standard American primer on Zen is Persig’s “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.” I think it addresses the question quite well. One theme is simply this: It is the journey, not the destination, that we should be focused on. That does not mean we do not have a destination or a plan, but it does mean that our plans are likely to change as a result of our experience of the journey and we need to learn to accept this.

I have long since lost it, but at one time had a notecard (before termpapers were written on computers) with a quote from Persig about “stuckness.” Get the book, read it, and along the way find the message about being stuck. It applies to Nick having trouble being happy with his situation and his inability or frustration in changing it. It also applies to the question of how to reconcile living in the moment and working towards goals.

Alan Watts’ book, “The Way of Zen,” as recommended by Bill K in the first post above, is also very good, but not as much on-point to the question at hand.

Peace and happiness.

Amol Says:

November 15th, 2007, 17:21 pm

There is no choice but to accept;
There is no striving in improving;
After all, everything is ok;
Even not improving.

dimmak Says:

November 15th, 2007, 17:41 pm

If words don’t help things click… maybe a picture will :)
http://xkcd.com/167/

Marlin Says:

November 15th, 2007, 20:03 pm

“You have a right to your actions, but you do not have a right to the fruits of your actions.”- Bhagavad-Gita I don’t remember which verse

I have noticed that when I do really “great” things or make big accomplishments I always have the feeling that I really didn’t do anything at all. Quite often I will feel the way I did before I achieved whatever thing I set out to achieve.

I think Zen points out the reality that accomplishments are just illusions that give us a sense of progression, and in that way can be obstacles to what is paradoxically the greatest accomplishment of all- enlightenment.

This is why enlightenment has been called “The Gateless Gate.” And in all accomplishments we can experience this sense that the thing we strived so hard to achieve is not very important at all.

But that doesn’t mean to stop trying to achieve things. Rather it allows us to recognize the true gift that comes from accomplishing great things- the reminder that each moment contains within it the fruits of all our labor, and that the great treasure is outside the bonds of circumstance.

PC Says:

November 16th, 2007, 8:11 am

What you have here is a pretty good koan; a public dialogue to a paradoxical question. “How do you reconcile acceptance with striving?” Then 54 comments (that’s how you know it a koan) by the Zen Habits community. For Nick this is a life or death situation (sort-of, kind-of); going to a boring job day, after day, after day.

I’ll go with Max’s quote,

Shunryu Suzuki-roshi : “You are perfect as you are, and you could use a little work.”

And add, ‘pack a lunch before you go.’

gayle Says:

November 16th, 2007, 10:52 am

This has been such a great conversation!

Eileen Flanagan Says:

November 16th, 2007, 12:34 pm

I agree with both of Mark’s previous comments. I am a Quaker, though I find many points of intersection with Buddhism. I believe we do need to put some conscious effort, not so much into self-improvement, but into becoming more authentically our true selves. Yet even that is somethign we can’t get too attached to. As the Serenity Prayer says, we need to try to change those things that should be changed, but accept the limits of our power as well.

Thanks for raising a good issue!

euy Says:

November 16th, 2007, 15:09 pm

There is nothing fundamentally wrong with desire. It’s part of the human landscape. It’s our attachment to the object of desire that causes us to suffer especially when we lose awareness of the moment. We must move as our destiny wills but at the same time acknowledge that we have a choice. Although opposite yet equally true.

Marc Says:

November 16th, 2007, 22:52 pm

Acceptance of a situation doesn’t mean agreeing with it or condoning it. It just means seeing things as they are, not as you want them to be (either more positively or more negatively). The Buddhist path is one of improvement: There is suffering; suffering is caused by desire; there is a cure for suffering; and the cure is the dharma.

Accept that you are or soon will be suffering; see what desires are causing you to suffer; realize that you can improve your situation; and improve it.

Lee Ann Says:

November 17th, 2007, 9:06 am

I kinda of like what dimmak says. Sometimes we get so caught up in answering our own questions that we just need to go run around the block as it were. Try to gain a new perspective.
I think striving to improve oneself is fine. It’s our attachment to a pre-decided outcome that causes trouble.
Go ahead, try new things (a calculated risk now and then even), work to improve yourself, and hopefully the world in the process, but just don’t get so hung up on what you’ve deemed the only good outcome, because that exact outcome will probably not come to pass. Enjoy the journey.

Khaled Allen Says:

November 17th, 2007, 20:29 pm

I’ve had trouble reconciling the need to improve as well as accept myself, but I find that the most trouble comes with the terms acceptance, contentment, etc. In “The Art of Happiness at Work” the Dalai Lama is quoted as saying:

“…you shouldn’t confuse contentment with complacency. You shouldn’t mistake being content with one’s job with just sort of not caring, not wanting to grow, not wanting to learn, just staying where one is when one’s situation is bad and not even making the effort to advance and to learn and to achieve something better.” (His Holiness the Dalai Lama, & Cutler, Howard C. The Art of Happiness at Work. p28)

His distinction between “contentment” (aka, acceptance) and “complacency” (spiritual laziness?) is what really helped be reconcile acceptance and striving for improvement.

Catcchurch Says:

November 17th, 2007, 21:03 pm

I think there are a few things going on with this query. Use of an analogy might make it a bit clearer.

Imagine yourself on a long car ride, going cross country on a summer vacation without benefit of a/c, dvds, portable music etc (just like when you were a kid, right?). Except now you are an adult and your three adult sibs are packed into the family station wagon along with your distance father and unhappy mother. (Secretly, your extended family refers to your parents as the Bickersons.)
Anyway, its hot, its cramped, its negative, etc.

Being in the moment means living fully in the moment of this experience. Does that mean you join in the bickering? No way. It means you be the change you want to see in this less than ideal environment. Don’t poke your sibs, take in the vast countryside passing by the car windows, think about the personalities and relationships in the car.

Now, as your trip progresses, you family car stops at some distant, dusty crossroads. Low and behold, there is your significant other, smiling at you, holding out their hand, asking you to get out of the car and join them.

What do you do? Get out the car, naturally.

The family station wagon is the boring job, dead-end relationship or other current, less than stellar circumstance that impacts your life. It is not contradictory to recognize it for what it is, yet still remain present in it without making it worse.

Your significant other represents your desires. When those desirious opportunities present themselves, step out of your present situation and embrace them.

The point is not to jump out of the car before the opportunity presents itself. If you do that, you will experience a frustrating, lonely goosehunt where your significant other is no where in sight.

That my friend, is the definition of unhappiness. Searching for something that you cannot find because it must find you.

Get it?

Will Fisher Says:

November 17th, 2007, 21:34 pm

Leo (and Nick),
Continue the line of questioning, and be sure to ask who is the You that needs improving and who is the You that is observing that need.

Know that what we speak of as “acceptance” is often denial in disguise The battered wife is not practicing “acceptance” by staying in her situation, for example; she is in fact denying herself the gift (and charge) of expressing Who She Really Is, and in doing so is suppressing her authenic self. The false her (”ego”) is “accepting its place” (in the abusive situation)… but it is FALSE! It can never become anything else, or “improve,” even if it “accepts” until she is finally beaten to death, because it is only a mask.

Strive for authenticity, to become Who You Are, the complete and true expression of who you are meant to be. Who you really are. That “You” is the one who is perfect.

But that’s not the “You” who is defined by the rules and rituals your parents and society gave you, or by the job you have, and hate.

I dare say just from what I see here that the true “You” does not belong in your current job, and the ambivalence you sense is a sort of Jungian signal from the subconscious about your next step towards authenticity.

Seek not so much to “improve” the you who you’re not, and instead seek to become the you who you really are.

Cheers,
Will

ck Says:

November 19th, 2007, 18:05 pm

Nick et al,

In Buddhism, a contradiction is meant to be looked at logically, to see what can be learned from it.

The “goal of no goal” paradox tell us two things:

1) it’s impossible not to have any goals (at some point you’ll have to rid yourself of the goal of ridding yourself of your last goal).

2) it *is* possible to have really stupid goals (like ridding yourself of all your goals).

If you stay in your boring, dead-end job because you don’t want to be goal-oriented, all you’ve done is trade a perfectly logical goal (better job and more happiness) for a completely illogical one (not having a goal).

The message in the bottle is simply this: “If you must have a goal (and you must), make it reasonable and worthwhile.” The process of deriving it logically from the contradiction just helps the student recognize it as a pure truth.

RJ Says:

November 20th, 2007, 16:52 pm

I don’t really have a whole lot to add to the above comments, except to further reinforce the majority perspective.

Self-improvement is a natural process for most of us. Most of us want nice things; comforting things, be they fine furniture in a fancy house, or simply a good set of tools with which to fulfill a hobby. Why, then, would someone void their life of these natural and enjoyable things? Why would they deliberately impose idleness, boredom and a sense of pointlessness on themselves? That isn’t right thinking or right action at all.

It’s accepted wisdom that if you are tired, lie down and rest. If you’re hungry, then eat. So if you see a chance to improve something in your life and want this improvement, you should take the opportunity.

If your goals are wholesome and will better not only your own life, but those around you, then I’d say those are good goals to pursue and not in conflict with Buddhist ideas.

George Kao Says:

November 22nd, 2007, 16:08 pm

Don’t know whether it has already been said this simply:

Accept everything as it is, including your desire to change things.

Roni Says:

March 11th, 2008, 22:01 pm

If you accept a plant and don’t futz with it too much, does that mean that it won’t grow?