Photo courtesy of M@rg Twelve Keys of Emotional Intelligence
Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Eugene Yiga of Varsity Blah.
Ever since Daniel Goleman wrote Emotional Intelligence, the subject seems to have made its way into success literature all over the world. But what exactly is emotional intelligence and why is it so important?
Well, the “why” is quite clear. Many people find themselves successful in all the traditional ways (i.e. with money and all its flashy friends) but still not satisfied. Creating meaning in life requires strong relationships and doing so requires emotional intelligence.
So, how does one go about creating a greater sense of emotional intelligence? In this post, I will outline the twelve aspects involved and offer brief descriptions of each:
- Awareness. Recognising individual emotions as they occur, understanding why they occur, and understanding the effects (both good and bad) they have on you.
- Control. Resisting impulses and urges (delaying gratification), remaining calm even as chaos ensues, and always thinking clearly when those around you can’t.
- Assessment. Knowing strengths and weaknesses, learning from mistakes, and constantly striving to build on what you have in an attempt to make yourself better.
- Vision. Creating a sense of direction in your life, having the foresight to anticipate problems/needs before they arise, and paying attention to the details.
- Creativity. Thinking outside the box, developing a tolerance for ambiguity, and maintaining an openness to change.
- Innovation. Seeking out unconventional solutions to problems, keeping an open mind to novelty in the world, and applying creativity in practical ways.
- Ambition. Setting tough but attainable goals, constantly raising the bar in pursuit of excellence, and feeding the need for achievement whenever you can.
- Initiative. Taking the first step when opportunity arises, never sitting back because it’s not in your “job description”, and bending the rules (occasionally) when it comes to making progress.
- Conscientiousness. Accepting responsibility for personal performance, adopting a focused approach in your work, and understanding that nobody else is to blame for your shortcomings.
- Adaptability. Admitting when you’ve failed, remaining flexible in the face of obstacles, and never being too stubborn to change.
- Independence. Living with an unshakable sense of who you are, making your own decisions in the face of peer pressure, and acting despite tremendous risk and doubt.
- Optimism. Understanding we all make mistakes, choosing to persist no matter how many times you’ve failed, and always remaining hopeful that success is just around the corner.
Those of you who are familiar with Zen Habits know that a great way to create a habit is to do so in a month-long trial. Start at the top of the list and work your way down over the next year. Or simply choose whichever you feel will benefit you most right now and take it from there.
For example, to create a greater sense of awareness you could start meditating, even if it’s for only five minutes a day. For assessment, you could take some time off to be alone with your thoughts, by treating yourself to a solo lunch or spending the afternoon at a local park. Or just drive to work with the radio off.
Slowly but surely, you’ll begin to see the changes. As long as you take the time to really imprint these new behaviours they’re bound to stick and you’re bound to feel the difference.
Eugene Yiga is a post-graduate student at the University of Cape Town, South Africa and is the editor of Varsity Blah. For more resources and tips, download your free copy of “Work in Progress” exclusively from Varsity Blah.
If you liked this article, please share it on del.icio.us, StumbleUpon or on Digg. I’d appreciate it. :)
- Posted on 19 March 2008 in Happiness |
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Comments (48)
Andrew Galasetti Says:
March 19th, 2008, 20:18 pm
Great article. Number 8, initiative, I strongly believe in.
-Andrew
Stacey Says:
March 19th, 2008, 21:06 pm
I’m working on Awareness right now. As humans, we are so conditioned to react the way we have always reacted. I am working on first being aware of how I would typically react to my emotions. Before I respond to a situation I’m practicing the habit of first acknowledging my immediate emotions, taking a slow pause, and then calmly responding to the situation. I’m noticing that my responses are now different, and calmer, than my previous reactions. The practice of awareness gives me more quality time and more insight to my “self”. LOL - I guess that’s why they call it self-awareness.
Bill Says:
March 19th, 2008, 21:10 pm
You can’t go wrong by starting to feel a need for self improvement. It’s a starting block for true inwardly peace and serenity!
Jeff - Science Says Says:
March 19th, 2008, 21:18 pm
You know, it seems to me like “Expressiveness” or “Communication” really should have been on this list - emotional intelligence is all well and good, but what fun is having it if you’re not going to share and love?
You can have all 12 of these things and still run into trouble if you don’t know how to share them with someone else the right way.
Corey - Simple Marriage Project Says:
March 19th, 2008, 21:23 pm
I also must add that when you implement some of these “habits” or ways of viewing things into your life, your marriage/relationships benefit as well. In fact, taking care of yourself a bit more allows for more to give to the marriage.
Good stuff Eugene.
Vered Says:
March 19th, 2008, 22:15 pm
“Drive to work with the radio off”. I like that one.
My first reaction was “driving without the radio on is BORING”. But it seems like it would be a good way to focus.
Shilpan | successsoul.com Says:
March 19th, 2008, 22:23 pm
Being flexible is essential in developing habit of letting go of emotional pain. For eternal happiness, one shall learn to detach desire for an expected outcome from an effort.
Maura Says:
March 19th, 2008, 22:36 pm
Thanks for the post, Eugene… I appreciate your focus on understanding the self first. Much literature about emotional intelligence focuses solely on interaction with others, but self knowledge is a critical, fundamental and often overlooked step.
Marelisa Says:
March 19th, 2008, 22:51 pm
The thing about emotions is, they’re hard to control with your rational mind (something about the amygdala being part of our primitive brain). I agree with Daniel Goleman that emotional intelligence is a meta-ability: it determines how well you’ll be able to apply any talents or skills you may have. That’s why I use the Sedona Method and EFT.
Miss Gisele from myBeautyMatch.com Says:
March 19th, 2008, 23:10 pm
Emotional Intelligence is all about awareness and in our super busy-over-booked-lives … awerness is as hard to graps as keeping Lindsay Lohan out of rehab.
Gisele
Kelly Rigby Says:
March 19th, 2008, 23:33 pm
Personally, I think emotional intelligence is more important than intellectual intelligence for having a happy and successful life. I’ve known a few IQ geniuses in my time and generally they didn’t have a high EQ, which made it more difficult for them to navigate interpersonal relationships.
Great post, Eugene. Thanks.
Kelly
Sean Says:
March 20th, 2008, 0:24 am
I love this article! Optimism for me is essential to building emotional intelligence. Without it, we would not be able to think out of the box. We would simply give up when we face adversity.
You can visit:
http://www.isharehappiness.blogspot.com
to find ways on how to be optimistic. You can also share ideas on happiness too.
Cheers!
The Daily Mind Says:
March 20th, 2008, 0:28 am
Hey there.
One thing that came up in Emotional Intelligence and the conversations he had with the Dalai Lama is that the body has a profound effect on how the mind behaves.
We can see this when we drink coffee, eat sugar or, like the example in the book, have a brain tumor. The sniper in the US who was killing all those people had a tumor in the front of his brain.
Great guest post! Glad you brought this up.
The Daily Mind
Laurie Says:
March 20th, 2008, 0:42 am
I have found that incorporating these into my ife makes it more fulfilling. I am starting a new business and found I am using a lot of the ideas you have here. In my new business, I am able to be more creative which is floating my boat, something that was lacking in my soon to be former job!
Simple Zack Says:
March 20th, 2008, 0:53 am
This is quite the amazing list! I really think emotional intelligence is something to strive for. Great post!
Eugene (Editor, Varsity Blah) Says:
March 20th, 2008, 1:36 am
Thanks so much for the comments! You guys have really made my day!
@Jeff - Science Says – The list actually does include a lot more aspects that are focused outward (e.g. leadership, communication, cooperation, empathy, etc). I simply chose to stick with the internal ones because it makes more sense to win the “private victory” (as Stephen Covey says) before moving to the public one. There’s no point trying to change your interactions with others if you’re the problem in the first place.
@Kelly Rigby – I definitely agree that emotional intelligence is far more important than intellectual intelligence. It’s like Jack Welch’s belief that what you need to succeed is the capacity to connect with others because you can learn all the “technical” skills on the job. Emotional intelligence is what will set you apart from the next person, which is so important in a truly global workplace.
Ultimately, it’s like what Carl Jung says: “There can be no transforming of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotion.”
(P.S. I hope you get a chance to check out Work in Progress. I’d love to hear your thoughts on that too!)
Matt @ Kurb Says:
March 20th, 2008, 3:30 am
Nice to see you posting on here after all your regular comments Eugene!
I coach musicians and artists in business and technology and I often talk about “emotional stamina”.
When you’ve spent a month on the road playing shows every night a couple of days home rest and you’ll be right after the long nights and travelling.
But how long until you feel passionate about playing and performing again? I see musicians come back from long tours emotionally exhausted.
James Says:
March 20th, 2008, 7:04 am
I started a new job recently. I was aware that I would go through some unpleasant emotions with this due to having to deal with new people, new work, a sudden change in my lifestyle, etc etc. But I rationalized it, of course I’d feel that way about this unsettling time, who wouldn’t? Rather than beating myself up, getting overwhelmed or getting depressed about it I accepted those emotions as natural and I got settled into the job with minimal fuss and stress as a result. Emotional intelligence is very important, this is a very apt article.
James, Organize IT
Baba Says:
March 20th, 2008, 7:06 am
Very interresting. But I don’t understand the main difference between creativity and innovation. Could you explain it ?
Thank you.
Mark - Creative Journey Cafe Says:
March 20th, 2008, 7:53 am
Hi Eugene - great, great job.
Here’s another? :
Humor
I think having a sense of humor - especially during difficult times - shows great emotional intelligence. I always admire people who can crack a joke even when facing a huge challenge.
James | Double Danger Says:
March 20th, 2008, 8:55 am
Great read again. I agree with Mark - Humor is a big overlooked one.
Philip Says:
March 20th, 2008, 10:47 am
I like Matt’s point about emotional stamina. Embodying these twelve aspects takes much diligence, even if you’re only working on one at a time, which I’m sure Leo would advocate :-) This can be mentally and emotionally exhausting.
I think the points made about humor by Mark and James tie in perfectly here. Humor can be a great tool for relieving the tension and allowing a bit of down time in the midst of a diligent quest for emotional intelligence.
Klaus Says:
March 20th, 2008, 11:52 am
Hi Eugene,
I really like your approach to focus on the internal aspects of emotional intelligence. Reading this blog on a regular basis, I have the feeling that the deciding factor is really your inner attitude, not that much specific actions you focus on.
Best regards,
Klaus
Beth Partin Says:
March 20th, 2008, 12:31 pm
I really like numbers 11 and 12, Independence and Optimism. They sound like the definition of courage to me.
Kimberly - Good Life on a Budget Says:
March 20th, 2008, 13:48 pm
I’m on a grueling 24 month project at work and my project team is gets a little stressed out when we hit some bumps. I’m going to recommend that my team reads this post.
Kimberly - Good Life on a Budget Says:
March 20th, 2008, 13:49 pm
I’m on a grueling 24 month project at work and my project team gets a little stressed out when we hit some bumps. I’m going to recommend that my team reads this post.
blogrdoc Says:
March 20th, 2008, 14:55 pm
@Vered:
Just a brief word of caution about ‘focusing’ while driving… if you are going to focus while operating vehicle, I’ve found that it’s best to focus on *driving*. I commute (unfortunately) a *lot*. I’m starting to take the bus, but when I drive, I try to be a conscious driver which includes, being aware of your driving habits and safety. This does several things:
1. Forces you to take it easy on your car which will prolong it’s useful life
2. Save you gas
3. Prevent costly accidents which could also result in injury or worse.
4. Keeps you from missing a your turn or an exit.
oakling Says:
March 20th, 2008, 15:09 pm
What’s up with the stock photos lately, btw? It’s Grizzled Old Man week!
Mark Says:
March 20th, 2008, 15:35 pm
Very good! true we must take the time to imprint new habits which take the place of previous habits which we do not desire.
rainer Says:
March 20th, 2008, 19:47 pm
Hello,
I like this post. It provides me with a short summary of the essential points. Nice to have them thanks.
Dan Says:
March 20th, 2008, 21:44 pm
No. 11 - Living with the unshakable sense of who you are.
Love this, it reminds me of one of the most important slogans I’ve ever learned:
“What you think of me is none of my business”
When you apply this slogan life become a lot easier because the only person you’re concerned with impressing is yourself and that’s the only person who you should try to impress.
Jeremy Jacobs Says:
March 21st, 2008, 7:46 am
Can’t disagree with any of the 12. However, we should consider that things happen in life when they are meant to (or not) irrespective of one’s EI.
Mr Positioning (Stanley Bronstein) Says:
March 21st, 2008, 9:59 am
Daniel Goleman’s book on Emotional Intelligence is quite useful For anyone who has never read it, I recommend it highly.
Some of his ideas are similar to some of the foundations upon which I speak in my programs. Good stuff.
Take care
Mr Positioning (Stanley F. Bronstein, Atty, CPA, Author and Professional Speaker)
Peggy Enquist Says:
March 21st, 2008, 10:08 am
Wow! This is very inspiring. I especially like #9. These days it seems as if this is the trait most people don’t have/understand/appreciate. If only….
david Says:
March 21st, 2008, 11:05 am
I really enjoyed that post. Daniel Goleman has this dialogue series called Wired to Connect about the applications of Emotional / Social Intelligence where he talks to some really interesting thinkers. There are samples of it available at morethansound.net.
Doug Says:
March 21st, 2008, 18:41 pm
I am going to use this list as the basis for personnel performance reviews. :)
Eugene (Editor, Varsity Blah) Says:
March 23rd, 2008, 2:34 am
Thanks for more great comments!
@Baba – I think creativity is simply about coming up with the ideas in the first place while innovation is taking those ideas and turning them into something people can use. Creativity is coming up with a great new invention (regardless of how useful it may or may not be) while innovation is about taking that invention and making it something practical.
@Mark - Creative Journey Cafe – You’re right about humour being really important. I think it actually comes down to awareness. Instead of resisting the emotion or trying to fight with the situation, you completely embrace it. It’s only when you fully allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling that its power over you diminishes. Then you can’t help but laugh!
@Dan – Independence has always been the most important thing for me. And it’s something I wrote about in Work in Progress: “I needed to be my own person. I needed to stand up for myself and the things I believed in most, even if it meant being unpopular. I needed to stop accepting things at face value and start question the status quo, even if it meant being criticized. I needed to become comfortable with who I was. It was the only way I’d be able to set my own standards, make my own mistakes, and live my own life. It was the only way my life would be worth living in the first place. It was the only way I’d be able to make a real difference.”
@ Jeremy Jacobs – I definitely agree that life can seem really random at times. The point in developing emotional intelligence is that it allows you to deal with those issues so much better when they occur. When you are in control of your emotions all the little things that used to bother you become inconsequential.
phraedus Says:
March 23rd, 2008, 4:45 am
I’m having trouble seeing how #7 Ambition and #8 Initiative relate to emotional intelligence at all.
The other points could be more specific, say tolerance rather than creativity.
fp64 Says:
March 23rd, 2008, 10:56 am
Excellent post. I took notes and made a list of things I need to work on. Yeah, I’m a geek.
Katie Says:
March 23rd, 2008, 14:57 pm
Don’t feel bad fp64- I did too! proud to be a geek right along with you!
Daisy Says:
March 24th, 2008, 7:12 am
This is a great list! Thanks! I bookmarked it so I can come back and peek at it now and then.
I just want to encourage people to try a little TaiChi. Because of the amount of concentration involved, many consider it to be a “moving meditation”. Couple that with the numerous documented benefits and you have an amazing practice that can benefit everyone… try it! (You can find a school at the World Tai Chi Day website: http://worldtaichiday.org/)
sikantis Says:
March 25th, 2008, 18:41 pm
Wow, guys! This is great! And the whole list for emotional intelligence you can pack in the word “esteem”. Look on my site about esteem, we can’t live without it, it’s even more than emotional intelligence!
Eugene (Editor, Varsity Blah) Says:
March 30th, 2008, 3:09 am
@phraedus – The list is obviously not exhaustive and a lot of the aspects are synonymous with others. For example, control is similar to patience, confidence is similar to courage, and so on. They’re all up to personal interpretation.
bkjagadish Says:
March 30th, 2008, 10:33 am
…. though every aspect is important and interdependent i
liked point-10 Adaptability …without which all the other
becomes not of much use….. thanks for the great
post….looking forward to more of such blogs…..
Rob Says:
April 16th, 2008, 0:46 am
Eugene
I disagree with your comment to Kelly that emotional intelligence is far more important than intellectual intelligence. It may be consider more important in some aspects, but far more important? – No way, everything must be in balance.
Quoting Jack Welch’s belief ‘because you can learn all the “technical” skills on the job’. This really is rubbish. How would you feel if you were treated by a doctor who says I’m learning on the job, or the plumber who going to fix your pipes by learning on the job on your time. Technical skills are meant to be studied as is emotional intelligence, after all isn’t that what is going on here in this article ?
Jack Welch is hardly the gospel when he managed to strip GE down to a shell. I think you may have misquoted him here.
Apart from that it was a good article and appreciated, especially for the link to Daniel book.
Kelly
I’ve known a few IQ geniuses as well and I have not found any correlation between them and low EQ. Likewise for those non IQ geniuses – no correlation. I think you are making a generalisation along the lines of the stereotype nerds.
I could argue that I have come across people who are supposed to have high EQ and yet don’t seem to be able to actually do anything for themselves in life. I don’t consider one to be greater than the other, but rather a balance of the two will work well.
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