Photo courtesy of Sukanto Debnath

25 Ways to Simplify Your Life with Kids

“Babies are always more trouble than you thought - and more wonderful.” - Charles Osgood

Anyone who has kids knows that any life with kids is going to be complicated, at least to some degree. From extra laundry to bathing and cooking and shopping and driving and school and chores and crises and sports and dance and toys and tantrums, there is no shortage of complications.

You won’t get to ultra-simple if your life includes children … but you can find ways to simplify, no matter how many kids you have.

Take my life, for example: I have a house full of kids, and yet I’ve found ways to streamline my life, to find peace and happiness among the chaos. How is this magic trick accomplished? Nothing magical, actually, but just little things that have simplified my life over the years.

The main magic trick, however: making my family my top priority, and choosing only a small number of priorities in my life. If you have too many things you want to do, or need to do, your life will become complicated. But if you choose just a few things that are important to you, you can eliminate the rest, and simplify your life greatly.

What follows is a list that might seem complicated to some — 25 items! Trust me, I could easily double this list, but I don’t want to overwhelm you. Instead of trying to tackle everything on this list at once, choose a few things that appeal to you, and give them a try. Bookmark this page and come back to it from time to time to try out other ideas. Best yet, they might inspire new ideas of your own!

Self-sufficiency. This one tip could simplify your life greatly, over time. However, it will make things more complicated in the short term. The idea is to teach your kids to do things for themselves as they get older and more capable. Teaching them to do something themselves instead of just doing it yourself takes time and can be a little frustrating at first, but it will pay off for years to come. My kids, for example, can make themselves breakfast, shower and dress themselves, brush their teeth, and generally get themselves ready in the morning with only minimal prompting from us. They can clean their rooms, wash dishes, sweep, mop, dust, wash the car. The older ones can cook basic dishes and babysit the younger ones. This type of self-sufficiency has saved my wife and me tons of time and trouble over the years.
One calendar. If you have more than one kid, you might have a lot of activities going on that you need to track, from school events such as Christmas performances and parent-teacher conferences to extracurricular activities such as soccer practice, dance classes, or Spring concerts. Organize your life with a simple calendar (I use Google Calendar) and enter all activities and appointments on this one calendar, from kids’ stuff to your own goings on. When they hand you papers from school, or soccer schedules, immediately enter everything onto the calendar. Then a quick glance at the calendar each day will help you plan your day.
Toy bins. It’s an inevitable fact of life that kids have lots of toys, and that they will be everywhere. You will drive yourself crazy if you try to manage them with dictator-like ruthlessness. Instead, let kids play, but have lots of bins where they can toss the toys inside when they’re done. Then cleaning up is a cinch — they just toss everything on the floor into the bins, and move on to making their next mess. You can have designated bins for certain toys (this one’s for Legos, this one’s for stuffed animals, this one’s for cars), and also have some general-purpose bins for things that don’t fit anywhere else. Don’t be too strict about them — the whole purpose is to make things simpler.
Regular cleanups. If you’re like me, you don’t like a huge mess. Teach your kids to clean up after themselves — let them make a mess, but every now and then, tell them it’s time to clean up. Be sure to tell them to clean up before moving on to something else, such as lunchtime or bedtime. It’s good to have regular times during the day when they do cleanups, such as before bed or before they leave for school, so that the house is always clean at night and during the day.
Quiet bedtime routines. Kids thrive on routine, and no routine is better than the one before they go to sleep. Have a regular routine before bed — it might consist of cleaning up, showering, brushing their teeth, getting into their pajamas, and reading a book. Reading aloud to them just before bedtime is a great idea, because it quiets them down after a day of activity, it gives you quality bonding time together, and it gets them into the habit of reading. Plus, it’s just something that everyone can enjoy.
Prep the night before. Mornings can be a hectic time for parents and kids alike, but they don’t have to be. Instead, prep as much as possible the night before, and have your mornings be a little more relaxed. I like to prep lunches, get their clothes ready (and mine as well), and have them shower, get their homework and school bags ready. Then the morning is simply eating breakfast, a little grooming, getting dressed, and gathering everything together before you head out the door. It’s a great way to start your day.
Don’t schedule too much. Sometimes we schedule things back-to-back-to-back, so that every minute of every day is planned out. That leads to stress and problems. Instead, schedule as little as possible each day, and leave space between events, appointments or activities, so that your day moves along at a more leisurely pace. Start getting ready earlier than necessary, so there’s no rush, and leave yourself time to transition from one thing to another. A more spaced-out schedule is much more relaxing than a cramped one.
Have dedicated family times. Try to find regular times in your schedule when you do nothing else but spend time together as a family. For some people, dinner time works well — everyone sits down to dinner together as a family, and no other activities are planned at that time. For others, weekends, or maybe just one day of the weekend, work better. We reserve Sundays as our Family Day, and try our best not to schedule anything else on that day. It’s something we look forward to. Weekends in general are for our family, as are evenings — all work gets done on weekdays, before 5 p.m.
Simple clothing. It’s best to buy clothes for your kids that will match easily — choose a similar color scheme, so that you’re not always digging through their clothes to find stuff that matches. Go through their clothes every few months to get rid of stuff that doesn’t fit (kids grow so fast!) and donate the old clothes to relatives or charity (or pass them on to a younger sibling). Keep their wardrobe simple — if it doesn’t fit neatly in their drawers, you have to get rid of it or get rid of something else. Don’t stuff drawers, or you’ll make it hard to find stuff. Also, socks are usually a challenge — use mesh bags, one for clean socks and another for dirty ones. Then throw the dirty mesh bag in the laundry, and socks won’t get lost (or at least, not as often).
Always prep early. I try to make it a point to look at the schedule in advance (usually the day before) to see what’s coming up. That allows me to prepare for those events or activities early, so that we aren’t in a rush when we’re getting ready. For example, on soccer days, we make sure that all the soccer gear, plus folding chairs and water bottles and snacks and whatnot, are all ready to go beforehand. Prepping early makes things a lot easier later on.
Always bring snacks. Kids always get hungry. So be ready — if you’re going on the road, pack some snacks in baggies. Crackers, cheese, fruit, carrot sticks, PB&J sandwiches, graham crackers, peanuts, raisins all make good portable snacks. An insulated lunch container with re-usable ice packs help keep things fresh. Also always bring plenty of water, as kids are always thirsty. Can’t help you with the urgent bathroom breaks, though.
Baby wipes and emergency kit. There will always be messes. Be ready. Baby wipes, even after they are past using diapers, are indispensable for all kinds of messes. Pack them in a little “emergency kit” that might include medical supplies, reading material, activities, a towel, and extra clothes — anything you can think of that might prepare you for anything that regularly arises.
Pack spare clothes. We have a little carry-on luggage that’s always packed with a couple of changes of clothes for each kid — good clothes (for a party or something), regular clothes, underwear, socks. This way we’re always ready, if there’s an accident, or should they want to spend the night with grandparents or a cousin while we’re out at a party or something. It’s indispensable.
Create weekly routines. Aside from regular family times (mentioned above), it’s good to have a weekly routine that’s written out and posted somewhere everyone can see it. A weekly routine might include regular practice times, house cleaning day, washing the car, yard work day, errands day, recurring appointments, etc. This makes the schedule more predictable for everyone, and eliminates a lot of surprises.
Communicate as a family. Regular communication between family members solves a lot of problems. Have regular times when the family can talk about family issues. Dinnertime is a good time for that. We also have a weekly “Family Meeting” where we all sit down and talk about household issues, we compliment and thank each other, we plan our Family Day, and we play a fun game at the end.
Go on dates. If you have trouble finding alone time with each child (whether you have one child or more than one), setting up “dates” can be a good way to ensure that you do things together. Make a date with your child for a specific day and time, and together you should decide what you want to do on that date. It can be something simple, like taking a walk in your neighborhood or in a park, reading together, playing board games, sports or video games, or it can be something like going to a restaurant or movie or amusement park. If you have lots of kids, you might have to rotate dates with them.
Create alone time for your spouse. It’s easy to become so busy with your kids that you forget about your significant other. Don’t let this happen — it’s a sure way to drift apart and lose that bond that led you to having a family together. Keep the relationship alive by getting a babysitter (maybe once a week) and doing something together, just the two of you.
Let things go sometimes. I’m not always good at this, but it’s something I work on constantly: don’t always be so strict. Let things go. They’re kids — let them live. I have a tendency to be very strict about things, but I remind myself constantly that it’s not worth all the hassle to get on their cases about things. Instead, let things go, and just relax. They’ll turn out just fine in the end, as long as you love and support them.
Make decluttering a family event. I like to set aside one day every few months when we go through all the stuff in our rooms and declutter. We do it together, and it can be a bonding time. We end up with trash bags full of junk, boxes full of stuff to donate or give to family, and in the end, much simpler rooms. It’s very satisfying.
Spend quiet time at home. Often we get so busy that we’re on the road all the time, going to one thing or another. And when we have family time, that’s often spent on road too — going to movies or restaurants or other fun events. But that can be exhausting, and expensive. Instead, try to spend time at home as often as you can. You can watch a DVD instead of going to the movies, and pop some popcorn. You can play board games or go outside and play a sport. You can read to each other, or by yourselves, or tell stories. There are dozens of things you can do at home that cost nothing, and that are relaxing and fun.
Create traditions. Kids love traditions, from holiday traditions to family traditions. My mom likes all our kids to come over before Christmas to make Christmas cookies, or come over before Easter to color eggs. The kids love those traditions. You might also create some traditions at your house, whether that’s a family dinner time, Family Meetings or Family Day, or anything that brings you together. If you make it a regular thing, and give it special importance, it will be a tradition, and it will be something your kids remember into adulthood.
Make cooking and cleaning a family thing. Cooking and cleaning can be complicated things, and they can take your time away from your kids. Doing these activities as a family solves both problems — having everyone pitch in can really simplify cooking and cleaning, and it gives you quality time together while teaching your children valuable life skills. Make it fun — let them choose recipes, go shopping for ingredients with you. See how quickly you can clean the whole house — if my whole family pitches in, we can do it in about 30-40 minutes. Make everything a game or a challenge.
Reduce commitments. This tip applies to both your commitments and your kids’ commitments. If you have too many, your life will be complicated. If you reduce your commitments, your life will be simplified. It’s that simple. Make a list of all your family’s commitments and see which ones align with your priorities, and which ones are the most important. Which ones give you the most joy and benefit? And which ones just drain your time and energy without giving you much back in return? Keep the essential commitments — yours and your kids — and eliminate as many of the rest as possible.
Get active. These days, kids can become very inactive (and unhealthy) with all the TV, Internet and video games they consume. Get them active by going outside with them and taking walks, going for swims, playing sports. My family likes to play soccer or kickball. Play freeze tag. If you run, let your kids run with you, at least part of the way. Get them bikes and go to the park. Do challenges, like races or pushup or pullup challenges. Make it fun, but get them active. How does this simplify your life? It means they consume less media, which in my opinion is a complicating factor. And even better, it gets them healthy in an inexpensive way, reducing your healthcare costs down the road.
Focus on doing, not on spending. Too often we send messages to our kids about how to live life, based on what we do: we like to go shopping, and eat out, and go to the movies, and so our kids learn that having fun means spending money. We focus on material things, and therefore so do they. Instead, teach them (by talking but also by your actions) that what’s important is doing stuff, not buying stuff. Go for walks in the park, play outdoors, play board games, read, tell stories, play charades, cook and clean, go to the beach or lake, build stuff, wash the car. Spend quality time together, doing stuff that doesn’t cost money.

“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” - Franklin P. Jones

Book Writing Update: I wrote two hours and a chapter of my book today! That makes 3 straight days I’ve done that. Key to my productivity: no Internet connection. Also, knowing that I had to report back to you guys.

If you liked this article, please share it on del.icio.us, StumbleUpon or on Digg. I’d appreciate it. :)

25 Ways to Simplify Your Life with Kids

“Babies are always more trouble than you thought - and more wonderful.” - Charles Osgood

You won’t get to ultra-simple if your life includes children … but you can find ways to simplify, no matter how many kids you have.

Self-sufficiency. This one tip could simplify your life greatly, over time. However, it will make things more complicated in the short term. The idea is to teach your kids to do things for themselves as they get older and more capable. Teaching them to do something themselves instead of just doing it yourself takes time and can be a little frustrating at first, but it will pay off for years to come. My kids, for example, can make themselves breakfast, shower and dress themselves, brush their teeth, and generally get themselves ready in the morning with only minimal prompting from us. They can clean their rooms, wash dishes, sweep, mop, dust, wash the car. The older ones can cook basic dishes and babysit the younger ones. This type of self-sufficiency has saved my wife and me tons of time and trouble over the years.
One calendar. If you have more than one kid, you might have a lot of activities going on that you need to track, from school events such as Christmas performances and parent-teacher conferences to extracurricular activities such as soccer practice, dance classes, or Spring concerts. Organize your life with a simple calendar (I use Google Calendar) and enter all activities and appointments on this one calendar, from kids’ stuff to your own goings on. When they hand you papers from school, or soccer schedules, immediately enter everything onto the calendar. Then a quick glance at the calendar each day will help you plan your day.
Toy bins. It’s an inevitable fact of life that kids have lots of toys, and that they will be everywhere. You will drive yourself crazy if you try to manage them with dictator-like ruthlessness. Instead, let kids play, but have lots of bins where they can toss the toys inside when they’re done. Then cleaning up is a cinch — they just toss everything on the floor into the bins, and move on to making their next mess. You can have designated bins for certain toys (this one’s for Legos, this one’s for stuffed animals, this one’s for cars), and also have some general-purpose bins for things that don’t fit anywhere else. Don’t be too strict about them — the whole purpose is to make things simpler.
Regular cleanups. If you’re like me, you don’t like a huge mess. Teach your kids to clean up after themselves — let them make a mess, but every now and then, tell them it’s time to clean up. Be sure to tell them to clean up before moving on to something else, such as lunchtime or bedtime. It’s good to have regular times during the day when they do cleanups, such as before bed or before they leave for school, so that the house is always clean at night and during the day.
Quiet bedtime routines. Kids thrive on routine, and no routine is better than the one before they go to sleep. Have a regular routine before bed — it might consist of cleaning up, showering, brushing their teeth, getting into their pajamas, and reading a book. Reading aloud to them just before bedtime is a great idea, because it quiets them down after a day of activity, it gives you quality bonding time together, and it gets them into the habit of reading. Plus, it’s just something that everyone can enjoy.
Prep the night before. Mornings can be a hectic time for parents and kids alike, but they don’t have to be. Instead, prep as much as possible the night before, and have your mornings be a little more relaxed. I like to prep lunches, get their clothes ready (and mine as well), and have them shower, get their homework and school bags ready. Then the morning is simply eating breakfast, a little grooming, getting dressed, and gathering everything together before you head out the door. It’s a great way to start your day.
Don’t schedule too much. Sometimes we schedule things back-to-back-to-back, so that every minute of every day is planned out. That leads to stress and problems. Instead, schedule as little as possible each day, and leave space between events, appointments or activities, so that your day moves along at a more leisurely pace. Start getting ready earlier than necessary, so there’s no rush, and leave yourself time to transition from one thing to another. A more spaced-out schedule is much more relaxing than a cramped one.
Have dedicated family times. Try to find regular times in your schedule when you do nothing else but spend time together as a family. For some people, dinner time works well — everyone sits down to dinner together as a family, and no other activities are planned at that time. For others, weekends, or maybe just one day of the weekend, work better. We reserve Sundays as our Family Day, and try our best not to schedule anything else on that day. It’s something we look forward to. Weekends in general are for our family, as are evenings — all work gets done on weekdays, before 5 p.m.
Simple clothing. It’s best to buy clothes for your kids that will match easily — choose a similar color scheme, so that you’re not always digging through their clothes to find stuff that matches. Go through their clothes every few months to get rid of stuff that doesn’t fit (kids grow so fast!) and donate the old clothes to relatives or charity (or pass them on to a younger sibling). Keep their wardrobe simple — if it doesn’t fit neatly in their drawers, you have to get rid of it or get rid of something else. Don’t stuff drawers, or you’ll make it hard to find stuff. Also, socks are usually a challenge — use mesh bags, one for clean socks and another for dirty ones. Then throw the dirty mesh bag in the laundry, and socks won’t get lost (or at least, not as often).
Always prep early. I try to make it a point to look at the schedule in advance (usually the day before) to see what’s coming up. That allows me to prepare for those events or activities early, so that we aren’t in a rush when we’re getting ready. For example, on soccer days, we make sure that all the soccer gear, plus folding chairs and water bottles and snacks and whatnot, are all ready to go beforehand. Prepping early makes things a lot easier later on.
Always bring snacks. Kids always get hungry. So be ready — if you’re going on the road, pack some snacks in baggies. Crackers, cheese, fruit, carrot sticks, PB&J sandwiches, graham crackers, peanuts, raisins all make good portable snacks. An insulated lunch container with re-usable ice packs help keep things fresh. Also always bring plenty of water, as kids are always thirsty. Can’t help you with the urgent bathroom breaks, though.
Baby wipes and emergency kit. There will always be messes. Be ready. Baby wipes, even after they are past using diapers, are indispensable for all kinds of messes. Pack them in a little “emergency kit” that might include medical supplies, reading material, activities, a towel, and extra clothes — anything you can think of that might prepare you for anything that regularly arises.
Pack spare clothes. We have a little carry-on luggage that’s always packed with a couple of changes of clothes for each kid — good clothes (for a party or something), regular clothes, underwear, socks. This way we’re always ready, if there’s an accident, or should they want to spend the night with grandparents or a cousin while we’re out at a party or something. It’s indispensable.
Create weekly routines. Aside from regular family times (mentioned above), it’s good to have a weekly routine that’s written out and posted somewhere everyone can see it. A weekly routine might include regular practice times, house cleaning day, washing the car, yard work day, errands day, recurring appointments, etc. This makes the schedule more predictable for everyone, and eliminates a lot of surprises.
Communicate as a family. Regular communication between family members solves a lot of problems. Have regular times when the family can talk about family issues. Dinnertime is a good time for that. We also have a weekly “Family Meeting” where we all sit down and talk about household issues, we compliment and thank each other, we plan our Family Day, and we play a fun game at the end.
Go on dates. If you have trouble finding alone time with each child (whether you have one child or more than one), setting up “dates” can be a good way to ensure that you do things together. Make a date with your child for a specific day and time, and together you should decide what you want to do on that date. It can be something simple, like taking a walk in your neighborhood or in a park, reading together, playing board games, sports or video games, or it can be something like going to a restaurant or movie or amusement park. If you have lots of kids, you might have to rotate dates with them.
Create alone time for your spouse. It’s easy to become so busy with your kids that you forget about your significant other. Don’t let this happen — it’s a sure way to drift apart and lose that bond that led you to having a family together. Keep the relationship alive by getting a babysitter (maybe once a week) and doing something together, just the two of you.
Let things go sometimes. I’m not always good at this, but it’s something I work on constantly: don’t always be so strict. Let things go. They’re kids — let them live. I have a tendency to be very strict about things, but I remind myself constantly that it’s not worth all the hassle to get on their cases about things. Instead, let things go, and just relax. They’ll turn out just fine in the end, as long as you love and support them.
Make decluttering a family event. I like to set aside one day every few months when we go through all the stuff in our rooms and declutter. We do it together, and it can be a bonding time. We end up with trash bags full of junk, boxes full of stuff to donate or give to family, and in the end, much simpler rooms. It’s very satisfying.
Spend quiet time at home. Often we get so busy that we’re on the road all the time, going to one thing or another. And when we have family time, that’s often spent on road too — going to movies or restaurants or other fun events. But that can be exhausting, and expensive. Instead, try to spend time at home as often as you can. You can watch a DVD instead of going to the movies, and pop some popcorn. You can play board games or go outside and play a sport. You can read to each other, or by yourselves, or tell stories. There are dozens of things you can do at home that cost nothing, and that are relaxing and fun.
Create traditions. Kids love traditions, from holiday traditions to family traditions. My mom likes all our kids to come over before Christmas to make Christmas cookies, or come over before Easter to color eggs. The kids love those traditions. You might also create some traditions at your house, whether that’s a family dinner time, Family Meetings or Family Day, or anything that brings you together. If you make it a regular thing, and give it special importance, it will be a tradition, and it will be something your kids remember into adulthood.
Make cooking and cleaning a family thing. Cooking and cleaning can be complicated things, and they can take your time away from your kids. Doing these activities as a family solves both problems — having everyone pitch in can really simplify cooking and cleaning, and it gives you quality time together while teaching your children valuable life skills. Make it fun — let them choose recipes, go shopping for ingredients with you. See how quickly you can clean the whole house — if my whole family pitches in, we can do it in about 30-40 minutes. Make everything a game or a challenge.
Reduce commitments. This tip applies to both your commitments and your kids’ commitments. If you have too many, your life will be complicated. If you reduce your commitments, your life will be simplified. It’s that simple. Make a list of all your family’s commitments and see which ones align with your priorities, and which ones are the most important. Which ones give you the most joy and benefit? And which ones just drain your time and energy without giving you much back in return? Keep the essential commitments — yours and your kids — and eliminate as many of the rest as possible.
Get active. These days, kids can become very inactive (and unhealthy) with all the TV, Internet and video games they consume. Get them active by going outside with them and taking walks, going for swims, playing sports. My family likes to play soccer or kickball. Play freeze tag. If you run, let your kids run with you, at least part of the way. Get them bikes and go to the park. Do challenges, like races or pushup or pullup challenges. Make it fun, but get them active. How does this simplify your life? It means they consume less media, which in my opinion is a complicating factor. And even better, it gets them healthy in an inexpensive way, reducing your healthcare costs down the road.
Focus on doing, not on spending. Too often we send messages to our kids about how to live life, based on what we do: we like to go shopping, and eat out, and go to the movies, and so our kids learn that having fun means spending money. We focus on material things, and therefore so do they. Instead, teach them (by talking but also by your actions) that what’s important is doing stuff, not buying stuff. Go for walks in the park, play outdoors, play board games, read, tell stories, play charades, cook and clean, go to the beach or lake, build stuff, wash the car. Spend quality time together, doing stuff that doesn’t cost money.

“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” - Franklin P. Jones

If you liked this article, please share it on del.icio.us, StumbleUpon or on Digg. I’d appreciate it. :)

Posted on 25 March 2008 in Finance & Family, Simplicity |
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Comments (68)

Hugo Says:

March 25th, 2008, 20:40 pm

Wow Leo, while writing your book you still seem to have enough energy left for lenghthy posts! Good work. I don’t have kids myself yet but I think points 10 and 18 are my favorites.

Leo Says:

March 25th, 2008, 20:43 pm

Thanks Hugo. To be honest, many of these tips can be applied to people without kids — they’re just simplifying principles applied to families with kids. But you can do many of them even if you’re single or a couple without kids — prepping early, reducing commitments, focusing on doing instead of spending, getting active, spending quiet time at home, creating weekly routines, etc etc. :)

Corey - Simple Marriage Project Says:

March 25th, 2008, 20:47 pm

Number 17 is key. In fact, there is finally some research showing that making your spouse a priority is better for the kids than them being the total focus. Love your spouse, it’s the best thing to do for the kids.

Clay | On "Productivity Hobbyists" Says:

March 25th, 2008, 20:52 pm

I really like the one about not scheduling too much. These days, parents often schedule the heck out of their kids time with “play dates,” soccer practice, etc. etc. Some parents seem to have turned their children into little cult objects, and I think the kids would probably prefer a little time for staring out the window and pondering whatever children ponder :-)

–Clay

Leo Says:

March 25th, 2008, 20:53 pm

@Corey — you’re absolutely right.

And I forgot one tip I wanted to put in the article: make time for yourself, and allow your spouse to have time for herself/himself. Everyone needs some alone time, whether it be for reading or meditating or gardening or exercise or just taking a quiet walk alone. Make sure you have this alone time in your life. And make sure you give your spouse some time alone too — take turns watching the kids while the other has that alone time.

Dauro Veras Says:

March 25th, 2008, 20:59 pm

Great post, Leo! In fact I’ve been doing most of these tips just by intuition, but others, as prepping early, will be a new challenge for me. I agree with Corey about number 17. Number 25 is also a powerful heritage we give them. Good luck with your book. - From Floripa, Brazil, with 2 boys -

Shilpan | successsoul.com Says:

March 25th, 2008, 21:18 pm

Leo -

Another good aspect to remember is to allow kids to have freedom to think and have difference of opinion. Our life imposed thought restrictions begin in childhood when we are told to believe in norms and when we are discouraged to ask “why not ?”

Great Post.

Shilpan

Tad Says:

March 25th, 2008, 21:18 pm

Leo,

This is a great list. I really like the self-sufficiency idea. I think if you teach your kids young to do little things, they will want to help out as they get older. If you make it a family time to clean, the kids will feel more “adult” and want to help around the house as they get older.

Tad
http://www.growingintoyou.com/

Jeff - ScienceSays.net Says:

March 25th, 2008, 21:22 pm

Bet my Mom wishes she’d known these.

The one about toy bins is ESSENTIAL wisdom.

Soultravelers3 Says:

March 25th, 2008, 21:25 pm

“Spend quality time together, doing stuff that doesn’t cost money.”

To me, that is really the key and there is nothing that children want more than your time….actually demonstrating ones love and caring. I think too many people miss this with over scheduled lives.

I don’t think it is just quality time either, quantity time counts for much. I really admire that you have weekends and after 5 during the week for family. I have read some where that the average working parent spends 19 minutes a day with their children during waking hours.

The luxury of time is a great gift and it is free. Thanks for a great list!

Carole Fogarty Says:

March 25th, 2008, 21:29 pm

Tip 18 is a winner for me. Let things go:

I have 3 boys 10, 12 and 20 and I have learnt over the past 20 years that you can save yourself lots of stress and worry building up in your home when you can just let go sometimes and not become too attached to routine.

Letting go has saved my sanity.

Peace, love and going with the flow

Carole Fogarty

Carole Fogarty Says:

March 25th, 2008, 21:32 pm

I agree also with Shilpan.

All children are not created equally and allowing them to explore their own individuality is a great gift to give our them.

You must be a wonderful parent.

Peace, love and chocolate

Carole

applegrass Says:

March 25th, 2008, 21:44 pm

another great family post leo, thanks!
since reading ztd and following zen habits regularly, we’ve implemented both a spouse night every week and also a family night. each week we choose an activity that we all do together. the kids get a say in picking the activity and they actually look forward to that spending time together now! anyway, this is all part of working on ztd habit nine (routine)… and so far, great results. thanks again for your tips.
lots of love.

banji - LessonInLife.com Says:

March 25th, 2008, 22:23 pm

At first glance, I misunderstood the headline. I thought you’re going to write on how to simplify life using kids :) Now.. good luck with that.

I really enjoyed the article as I’m going to be a parent this coming May. Very nervous and excited.

Wish me luck

Paula Hewitt Says:

March 25th, 2008, 22:54 pm

great post. I have found the following helpful:
1. a weekly planner on the fridge, each kid in a different colour, so each day they can see they need their library book/guitar etc and pack it themselves. even the little ones at least recognise their colour and know they need to do something (like remind me)
2. we have pegs in the laundry room for swim and sports bags. the clean towels/gear go straight back into the bags. we have two shoe racks and hat baskets -all shoes and hats find their way back to one of these spots (in theory)
3.instigate a ‘put it back where you find it’ rule (only works if parents do it too)
4. A timer for computer/play station time. No TV on week days, one hour on PS or computer on each weekend day. its hard to judge the time when playing, and ive found less arguements with the timer, rather than me telling them.
5. we have a dedicated box of towels and beach gear, and a box of bushwalking/picnic gear so when we want to go out for the day there is no prep required. it requires some storage space, and some doubling up of towels etc, but makes life much easier, and if you have no other clutter (grin) a couple of boxes stored in the garage isnt so bad.
6. One extra -curric. acivity per child per week, once they are at school (no earlier)
Most of the other stuff we do, but probably not as well as you (and with half the number of kids!) BTW - great blog, glad I found it)

Laurie Says:

March 25th, 2008, 23:02 pm

One of the best things my spouse and I did was reserve time every week just to be together. We have done everything from roasting hotdogs, to playing scrabble to, walking to a coffee shop to a big date in a pretty black dress (me not him). We have gotten into playing racketball together. This spring we are planning to go camping. We did that last spring and it was a marriage saver! Tents are great fun!!! :O)

Vered Says:

March 25th, 2008, 23:14 pm

Thanks. I needed those.

I did everything for my firstborn. I spoiled her so badly, she couldn’t do a thing by herself. When her sister was born, I was so overwhelmed that I had no choice - she *had* to become more independent. And she did. Now they both do as much as they can by themselves. I can’t remember who it was, but someone told me a while ago “never do for a child anything that they can do by themselves”.

Groove Momma Says:

March 25th, 2008, 23:28 pm

Teaching self-sufficiency and having weekly routines in a household are key. They are capable of doing many things at a young age, so allowing them to be responsible for tasks is really a gift. They’ll grow up knowing how to run a household which can make the transition to living on their own a bit smoother.

Great post as usual!

Tom Stine Says:

March 25th, 2008, 23:41 pm

“Quiet time in the evening”

I have been reading to my son every evening since he was 1 1/2 (he is 7 now). Not only was it an ideal time for a little father-son bonding, it has been quite likely essential in his development. We rapidly blew out of little kids books and went straight for the good stuff. We devoured the first 6 Harry Potter books before last July, then went straight at Book 7. We are putting the raps on Lord of the Rings right now. Next stop, Sci Fi: The Foundation Trilogy.

Reading calms us down, closes out the day, stimulates our minds and gives us some killer hang-out time. Peace!

Tom | tomstine.com

Miss Gisele from myBeautyMatch.com Says:

March 25th, 2008, 23:48 pm

Leo,

I don’t have kids, but these 25 points are so well detailed that I’ll be forwarding this post to all of my friends who have little kiddies.

Great piece and best of luck with the writing of your book.

I have 3 myself (over 3years … one book per year) and it’s truly like giving birth ;-))

Gisele

Naomi Dunford - IttyBiz.com Says:

March 25th, 2008, 23:53 pm

I’m with Carole - letting things go has been a big one for me. I have to consistently remind myself that the world will teach my children what they don’t get around to learning from me. I don’t have to make so much of a big deal out of everything.

My little addition: Be prepared to rebuy. The biggest difference in my life as a parent came when I started getting rid of all the things I might use again. Some of them I’ve had to rebuy and most of them I haven’t, but the benefits of just getting rid of things has been phenomenal. Fewer clothes to wear means fewer clothes to wash. Fewer dishes, fewer books, fewer toys - the whole enchilada. If he misses the Etch-A-Sketch that much you can always get him a new one.

Liara Covert Says:

March 26th, 2008, 0:11 am

Your suggestions offer something for everyone. It makes sense to reflect about how you can create more quality time with people you cherish most. As you learn to eliminate things that don’ matter, you re-create your life.

Albert @ Headspace (http://thoughtsintime.co.za/) Says:

March 26th, 2008, 0:39 am

This post is fantastic. I loved ‘18. Let things go sometimes’.

The quest for efficiency can become suffocating & oppressive.

To me this is the key to balanced parenting. That balance between getting the essentials done, yet having fun with them at the same time.

Thanks for putting this down Leo.

Albert @ Headspace
http://thoughtsintime.co.za

Adam Hyman Says:

March 26th, 2008, 1:07 am

Awesome advice!

Thanks!

Marc Says:

March 26th, 2008, 1:19 am

Number 1 is key. When I was growing up, I had to help out at home - I wasn’t always that eager to do so, but I learned a lot of life skills that I didn’t learn in all my years of public school and then university. While I don’t have kids yet, I hope to ensure that my kids get every opportunity to learn those life skills - I think it is also a great way for kids to feel important in a family, that they are contributing in some way. I believe a parent’s most important job is teaching; unfortunately not every parent is a good teacher, but at least taking the time to try to teach our kids should be a priority.

Somehow I think that our kids have it way too easy (hmm, I sound like my parents) - the parents work very hard to put food on the table and provide shelter and clothing, only to have kids that in turn do not have any interest in helping out the family. How many kids grow up nowadays without knowing the basics of cooking and running a household - I’ve met quite a few that had no idea how to cook even the simplest of meals.

blogrdoc Says:

March 26th, 2008, 1:29 am

One of my favorite tips is for kids (which also applies to adults) - is to go hard on the problem — soft on the person (not eating veggies, leaving a mess). Get them to realize that you aren’t say *they* are ‘bad’ … just what they are doing is bad. Once they realize that they can decouple themselves from their actions, they can learn to choose a better behavior. Oh.. and ofcourse… there’s the Jedi mind trick.

blogrdoc Says:

March 26th, 2008, 1:31 am

say less, ask more

Lady Says:

March 26th, 2008, 1:40 am

Idea for a calm evening event at home: Mind Maps

My son is 5 and a little bit stressed because of the overal family situation at the moment. In order to relax him I organize calm evening events at home, he ane me only. I have started making Mind Maps with him: very big sheet of paper on the table, a lot of pensils and a lot of smiles. For him I translated the Mind Maps as The Ways of the Thoughts, simplier to expain for kids. He got the idea of Mind Maps immediatelly and created already his first Map. Let’s see what will be the result after few days with this idea, I left the big sheet on the table and we will do it when we want for couple of days.
Greetings, V.

Michael Moniz Says:

March 26th, 2008, 2:28 am

It is so important we do not over schedule our lives. So many people do it just to seem busy or to keep from boredom. We really need the down time to self reflect and just relax.

mark Says:

March 26th, 2008, 2:47 am

I like #18, sometimes “let it go.” Too often we try to stay on top of everything, making sure the kids don’t miss a beat. Don’t sweat the small stuff with kids–focus on the bigger issues. And don’t try to turn them into little adults–kids think differently. Give them a chance to be kids. Childhood goes by all too fast.

James Says:

March 26th, 2008, 5:38 am

Good article.

As others have commented, “letting things go” is really important and often difficult to do. Kids repeatedly make mistakes, are clumsy and don’t have the ability to concentrate that adults do, and as a parent it is easy to forget that and get angry with them for doing things wrong all of the time. A child that feels it is always getting told off will behave worse than a child who’s parents are able to “let things go”. As a parent, it is something you need to keep reminding yourself.

Miss Cellania Says:

March 26th, 2008, 7:51 am

Great tips for new parents. I do most of these, although for single parents 16 is impossible and 17 is not applicable. #1, 18, and 25 are essential.

Wendi Kelly Says:

March 26th, 2008, 8:32 am

After being a full time parent for 31 years with no break, I have to say that all of these tips are keys to keeping your sanity! Great list!

I especially like teaching them to do,not spend- Kids crave positive attention and time from parents.

We do family dinners in the dining room and it has become a family treasure time of learing about what is going on in their minds and hearts.

I shudder to think what we might have been missing without that time to listen!

Good job on the chapters Leo, I am checking every day to hold you accountable…

Here is a quote from Jim Rohn for you today…

“Without a sense of urgency, desire loses its value”

Better and Better,

Wendi
Life’s Little Inspirations

qma Says:

March 26th, 2008, 8:37 am

Enjoy your posting as usual.

Indeed, there are times that we definitely need to “keep just an eye” on the kids. That is, keep the other one shut and let it go. Everyone (including Dad) is so much happier when I (mom) decides to do just that.

Alex Says:

March 26th, 2008, 8:59 am

I once led adventure trips on the Oregon coast. While on a boardwalk with my co-leader musing about taking care of our “kids”, a mother and daughter walked by. The kid was barefoot and yelled out “Mommy! I got a splinter!”. She was about 5. The mom turned around and said “Well Lisa, what are you going to do about it?”. We were both shocked at the lack of compassion, but the kid stopped and thought for a few seconds. Then she sat down, and tried to get it out. When she couldn’t, her mom suggested her daughter try the tweezers in her purse. With a bit of help, the daughter got her splinter out. The message ought to be clear :)

Chris Austria Says:

March 26th, 2008, 9:03 am

Leo–

#18 really hits home. It’s particularly difficult for me since there’s a constant battle between being both a Filipino and an American parent. I know that my parents struggled with the same thing also when they were raising my sisters and I in Chicago.

Thank God for my wife who manages to constantly remind me to let things go…

make art every day Says:

March 26th, 2008, 9:03 am

great ideas! i especially agree about not overscheduling. our girls get to do one activity (usually it has been a ballet class). over the summer they get swim lessons and the rest of the time they just get to play. and they are happy, happy kids.

Vince Says:

March 26th, 2008, 10:05 am

Great article. I always keep these in mind for the future.

Jasko Says:

March 26th, 2008, 10:12 am

wow this should be something for me to study carefully because I am father of the most adorable 10 months old son. thanks Leo for sharing and good luck with the book

stockdam Says:

March 26th, 2008, 10:13 am

Great tips as always……two that you left out……

Hug them lots………by showing them that they are important they will also be willing to help out more.

Plan big events………set time aside to plan for holidays etc. that the kids remember for years to come.

Paul Maurice Martin Says:

March 26th, 2008, 10:32 am

Very comprehensive and just the sorts of behaviors we tried to promote with families during my twenty-three year career as an elementary school counselor.

Olivia Says:

March 26th, 2008, 12:20 pm

Leo - My family and I just started doing some of these things within the past 6 months (like teaching my kids the importance of organization, chores, etc.) and it has been a WONDERFUL turn around in our house. We have a lot less stress & yelling at home because we’re not in a hurry. We’re slowly getting organized and it has made 110% difference in how we live our lives.

The most amazing thing that I have found with this turn around is that I felt less stress as a parent to do “parental” things. I no longer feel like my husband and I are the only one cleaning the house, doing dishes, laundry, etc. The kids take pride in their belongings and tend to take care of them more.

As always, great post!

Jessica Says:

March 26th, 2008, 12:21 pm

On toy bins, does anyone have a preference for many smaller ones vs. just a couple bigger ones? I ask because my nearly 3-year-old always wants to “dump it” (turn it over and spill all the contents onto the floor) when he generally only wants one or two things from it. Thoughts?

99ppp Says:

March 26th, 2008, 13:33 pm

How about having less of them?

The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement: “May we live long, and die out” (humorous take on overpopulation)

http://www.vhemt.org/

queenoqueens Says:

March 26th, 2008, 14:11 pm

I’d love to hear what your “other 25 tips” are. These are indeed great. Popular culture does not make doing these easy or natural, and it takes thoughtful effort.

In terms of letting go….letting go of your former standards of clean are also essential with kids. This one is tough, but absolutely necessary (because you have no choice :-)

Stephanie Says:

March 26th, 2008, 14:24 pm

Wonderful, I love this list! We’ve got a very active 3 year old and I’ve got another joy on the way. My husband and I both work full time - often when I get home, there’s so much to do I don’t know where to begin. My child wants attention, there are messes to clean up, dinner to be made. With the help of your lists I’ve been able to prioritize.

A personal note about letting things go: I find that if I don’t do the dishes each night, it’s really irritating for me to come home to a sink full of dirty dishes. It makes it hard to cook dinner without washing them first, due to a very small kitchen. There are some things that I can’t just let go from time to time.

Thanks Leo!

bsmith Says:

March 26th, 2008, 14:48 pm

Hi,

Great post. At tip #2 I would recommend you to have a look at Famundo http://www.famunundo.com
It’s much better than what GCal can offer for a big family.
Thanks!

amber Says:

March 26th, 2008, 16:00 pm

Thanks for sharing these tips. You might be interested in
http://www.montessori.org/story.php?id=274

The Montessori approach uses similar ideas for teaching children and simplifying our lives. Educate for peace…

Jessica Says:

March 26th, 2008, 16:26 pm

I love these tips — my husband and I are expecting our first in September, and these are just the sort of things that I look for to prep for the inevitable chaos that is on its way!!

Thanks for sharing!

Ben Mc Says:

March 26th, 2008, 18:37 pm

You seem to spend so much time preparing for the next day, how does this help with the current day as long as there is always a next day that you are always preparing for, gaaaaaaa!!

Fields of Insanity, Poland Says:

March 26th, 2008, 19:37 pm

I know that maybe it’s not the most suitable post to ask this question at (a more general post about Simplicity would do better) but how long it’s to wait for it :) so I thougt I’d try here as still we are on the same ground.
I am quite fresh reader of your blog (and website blogs in general) and I found it truly inspiring and encouraging. And more dangerous by this than other “guide-books” to fulfilled life you may find here and there. Why? It’s very personal but when you have tendencies to neurosis (phobia, obsessive-compulsive disorder) and you’ve learned the whole meaning of trying so much to organize your life then you should become very suspicious about something that sounds even much much better, reasonable, healthy etc. I know that basic rule of baby steps which is supposed to protect you from unnecessary stresses and strains but still - your picture of new life attitude is wider than the next step to take and even this can be too much (stressful). Not mentioning that you might be too impatient to take just baby steps. So, what I am so curious about is if you have experienced this kind of side-effects of simplifying your life (I am not saying neurosis, it could be just small mental inconveniences) or you know about such experiences of others. And if so - what kind of psychological shelter you would suggest for that?

Jones Says:

March 26th, 2008, 20:12 pm

Getting a divorce and moving far away is the simplest way of dealing with kids. Let that next guy who meets your wife worry about schedules and mornings and blah blah blah. I hate having kids, wish I never had, and find nothing fulfilling in having them. I just want everyone to go away and leave me alone.

Ben Says:

March 26th, 2008, 21:00 pm

As a father of two active boys I have discovered most of these points by myself but it’s good to have them laid out in article like this.

Regarding point 5 my advice is to not to rush it and to thoroughly enjoy the routine as a parent. It’s uncanny, but every time I rush through the bedtime routine I have unsettled children to deal with during the night. On the other hand taking my time and thoroughly enjoying the routine leads to two boys, 5 & 3, sleeping peacefully through the night and greeting me with a smile the next day.

Good luck with the book writing.

Trevor Chapman Says:

March 26th, 2008, 21:14 pm

A big “absolutely” to #1. Thanks for the tips!
http://www.jtrevorchapman.com

My Life In a Cube Says:

March 26th, 2008, 23:22 pm

Here’s a hilarious cartoon about parents telling “hilarious stories” at work about their kids. –> MyLifeInaCube.com

Bee from welikeplay.org Says:

March 27th, 2008, 4:18 am

Down here at the bottom of the comments is probably the wrong place to suggest a No.26. But what the heck, that’s what 26 is about.
Get it wrong sometimes. Kids don’t flourish in perfection; if everything is always peachy the first small hiccups of life will floor them. Season your family with a little chaos.

Sarah Joy Albrecht Says:

March 27th, 2008, 11:07 am

Long ago, we implemented a majority of the things mentioned on this list, and I can attest that they do work well and contribute to sanity and serenity in the home.

If someone was looking for a succinct how-to list, this one comes highly recommended by this mom of five!

Ralph Says:

March 27th, 2008, 12:05 pm

I think #25 is nice, but perhaps we need a #26 that says “Focus on BEING not DOING” - lest we pass the virus of our times on to our children of incessant, mindless doing … of deriving our sense of self worth and value by what we DO and HAVE rather than who we ARE? Personally I think this is the greatest gift we can give to our children during these times of out of control DOING. If the new generation is more in touch with BEING than this one, then maybe there will be hope for this planet…

Let’s give our children the greatest gift of all ~ the Freedom to BE

Peace,
Ralph
http://www.beyondthemind.org/

millie Says:

March 27th, 2008, 12:21 pm

It’s funny, reading some of these points seem more complicating the simplifying– but that might just because I live in the city. City moms need to travel light– I can’t carry changes of clothes, snacks and pick up my 2 kids up and down the subway steps, too.

And bedtime routine– well as an active going out kind of family– I need my kids to be flexible and actually not depend on the same thing every night.

I think not planning too much is key– and roll with the punches, too and not get caught up strict routines– especially as kids grow and change.

ktotwo Says:

March 27th, 2008, 15:39 pm

I found a great quote, “Give your kids the gift of boredom”. I have found my two boys will invent things to do. What a great gift that truly is!

Rannie B Says:

March 27th, 2008, 16:43 pm

Thank you Leo for a great post (and a wonderful blog).

I strongly second the ”making your children self-sufficient” tip. Not only will it give more freedom to parents it helps children gain confidence in themselves.
I smiled the other day when my 11 yr-old son was bragging to his friend that he knew how to make ”the best tasting omelet evar…”

In answer to Jessica’s question regarding toy bins.
I guess it depends on the space you have. I found (with two boys) that having larger toy bins in every room they play in worked best. I also use a clean broom and shovel to put the toys back in the bin. The boys found that to be a fun way to clean up :).

Also, as noted by Leo, Lego style blocks should have their own container (and be played with only when the rest of the toys are picked up). I also keep clear plastic bags in the Lego bin to store all the special theme pieces together. It kinda works ; ).

Cheers

oakling Says:

March 27th, 2008, 17:23 pm

I’ll vouch for these, and I only have one kid! Especially the ideas that result in more quality time between the parents and kids, like “underscheduling” them, quiet bedtime routines, etc. I’d love to know how many “a house full” is :)

danica Says:

March 27th, 2008, 17:27 pm

I really appreciate the question put forth by “Fields of Insanity, Poland.” I’ve faced the same problem in the vast world of self-help literature: there are plenty of tips and lists and how-tos and you-shoulds (that last, of course, always especially bugged me!) but they never helped me in what I call my “precovery” days.

I needed to find out how to get to the point of wanting those improvements, of being willing to try the new things, and being ABLE to make those changes. And of course, none of those lists told me that! They were operating at a very different level than I was. I have been wanting to write about this stuff in my own blog, Facing Abuse, for a while now - I will try to use this question to jumpstart that! Keep an eye out for it, Poland, if you are reading followup comments here ;)

Fields of Insanity, Poland Says:

March 28th, 2008, 16:12 pm

Thank you danica for your comment - I wasn’t sure if I made myself clear in what I wrote (English is my second language, I added Poland to my ‘Name’ because I wanted to show we are reading you guys there, in those Barbarian countries, too ;)).
And surely, I’ll keep an eye for you blog!

Ann Says:

March 30th, 2008, 18:49 pm

wow.. nice post, Leo. I really liked it. I have two kiddies at home and sometimes I often drive myself close to ripping my hair out.

Thanks a lot for the tips! ;)

Ignacio Silva Says:

March 31st, 2008, 23:17 pm

Great list Leo, and I’m sure it could be even longer.

For me , the most important is number 17: “Time with your spouse” (does the order matter?)

No matter how organized your kids (and your life) is, you need your spouse support to survive this life with kids. It’s important to be coordinated with her.
Set priorities, share work and of course enjoy couple time.

Evelyn Says:

April 5th, 2008, 6:57 am

As a parent to two young kids, I must say that I pretty much agree with many of the tips here. Not planning too many activities and instilling a regular schedule helps me to keep sane!

Thanks,
Evelyn

Steve Says:

April 7th, 2008, 10:03 am

I just want to emphasise point 18: let it go! Our five children are growing up now (the eldest is 17), but sometimes we still have to stop ourselves getting wound up because the children are behaving just like… children!

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