Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons 7 Powerful Ways to Get the Most Out of Any Situation
Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Pete Wailes of the Cross Driven Life blog.
It’s always been my belief that whatever you make the focus of your life is what you’ll get.
If you long for money, fame and adulation, then you’ll take action to achieve it, and you’ll get it in the end. If you want to make your life simpler, more efficient and more productive, then similarly you’ll live your life in a way that will drive you to get those things. If you just want a quiet life away from the world, that’s what you’ll find.
And that raises an interesting idea… When you get right down to it, there’s only really one thing you can ever truly control: your intentions. What are the intentions you have for your life? What goals are you striving towards each and every day? What do you do with your life? What are you leading yourself towards?
Big questions to ask yourself, and often no easy answers.
Let me tell you a story to illustrate the point. One of my personal heroes is Jean Valjean, from the book and musical Les Misérables
When he finally gets out, he’s turned away wherever he goes, due to his parole papers. Eventually, a kind-hearted bishop called Myriel takes him in. The man feeds him and gives him wine, and offers him a bed. However, now knowing little more than how to be a criminal, Valjean wakes in the night and steals his silverware.
Soon after, Valjean is arrested and brought before the bishop. Rather than hanging him out to dry though, the man once more takes pity on him. He tells the officers that the silver was a gift, and that he also meant to give him two candlesticks. He then talks to Valjean, telling him to see in this act of mercy a different path for his life, and sends him on his way. Soon after though, he steals again from a young chimney sweep. This time however, something different happens.
Wracked with shame and overcome by grief at what he has become, he breaks his parole and wipes the slate clean. He lays Jean Valjean to rest, and takes the name Father Madeleine. What follows is the story of a man trying to change his life. He slowly changes, trying to outrun his past, never quite being able to do so. Over the course of several decades, he re-molds himself, until finally at the end of the book, he becomes the man he wants to be all.
If you’ve never seen the musical
I’ve done much in my life that I’m not proud of. Like Valjean though, I struggle to be a better man. I hope you do the same. Always watch your intentions. In every situation, ask yourself “what do I want to get out of this? What do I want to accomplish here?” Control your intentions and focus, and you’ll be the master of your life.
With that in mind, here’s 7 powerful ways to make sure you’re going to get the most of out any situation in life:
- In every situation, ask yourself “What do I want to get out of this?”. You need to know what your aim is. Ever get into an argument where you forgot what you were arguing about, but you knew you had to be right? Know what you’re going to try and end up with in any given situation, and you’ll be able to achieve it far more easily, with far less stress and friction.
- Don’t assume the worst in people. There’s an old saying, “If a man thinks he’ll die tomorrow, he’ll probably find a way to make it happen.” If you look for faults in your partner, or expect them to cheat, you’ll push them away and only make it more likely. If you expect friends to fail you, you’ll set them up to do it. Try and look for the good in people, and treat them how you want to be treated yourself.
- Respect everyone. Not just the people you like, or the people you get along with, but everyone. Forgive the people who do you wrong. Take time to help those who wouldn’t help you. Reach out to people who would harm you. If you see someone sitting alone, take a walk across the room and say hi. Make time for people in your life. You’d be amazed at the difference it makes in your attitude to life.
- Walk away when you’re angry. If you’ve got a hot head, you’re not going to be thinking straight. Take some time to cool off, then come back and look at why you got upset, remember that the other person is probably upset too, and then try and see it from their point of view. Always remember, if you believed as they do, you’d probably argue just as hard. Respect their point of view, and let them voice their opinion. That way, they’ll be more likely to do the same for you.
- Slow down. We live in a world where we’re used to instant gratification of every desire. However, there’s something to be said for perseverance. Like Guinness say, it takes 119.5 seconds to pour the perfect pint. Some things take time, but that’s OK. Let it come when it’s ready. And while you’re waiting, you can look at whether what you’re waiting for is really what you want.
- Tell others what you’re aiming for. If other people know what you’re trying to do, what you’re focusing on, then firstly they might be able to help, and second they’ll be able to hold you accountable. Making excuses to yourself is pretty easy.
- Own your actions. If you screw up, admit it to yourself. Taking your eye off the ball is OK, as long as you re-focus, and get back on track. A boat is off course most of the time its en route to its destination. But it still gets there. How? Because the navigator makes tiny adjustments contently, to get it where it’s meant to go. Do the same with your life. It’s not about making one big leap to perfection, but tiny little changes every day, until you get there.
For more from Pete, read his blog, Cross Driven Life, or subscribe to his feed.
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- Posted on 11 August 2008 in Happiness |
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Comments (37)
Fit Bottomed Girls Says:
August 11th, 2008, 21:15 pm
I like that these tips are good in both times of good and bad. I’ve found that when you do #5, many of the others naturally fall in line.
Thomas Herold Says:
August 11th, 2008, 21:23 pm
Flip your state of mind and see the situation as a creator. You have created it. What follows is appreciation for it….
Appreciating the situation brings you into a state of fully experiencing it - and that is the the whole purpose of creating it in the first place.
Cheers
Thomas Herold
CEO Dream Manifesto
licookie Says:
August 11th, 2008, 21:49 pm
I agree with Fit Bottomed Girls, the pace of our life is getting more and more faster. Few people can really do #5, take it easy and slow down.
Tim Brownson Says:
August 11th, 2008, 21:52 pm
I’d say it doesn’t always pay to tell people what you’re aiming for in life.
I’ve had plenty of clients that have had their dreams and ambitions ridiculed by ‘friends’ and family. Some people are fearful of friends breaking away and being successful and leaving them behind. Sometimes they don’t even believe they are undermining them at all, they see themselves as being ‘realistic’ and helping the friend to avoid certain failure and the subsequent disappointment.
KNOW the people you tell will support you in your goals, otherwise it may pay to keep your mouth shut.
Her Ticking Clock Says:
August 11th, 2008, 22:12 pm
Nice stuff Leo, I like “don’t assume worst in others” and “slow down”. When I am managing the team at my company, expecting the best out of everyone turns out just that. People become the expectations of their environment. If you expect them to do their best, encouraging them, etc, they do strive to live up to the reputation you give them.
Mike Says:
August 11th, 2008, 22:26 pm
What a coincidence you mentioned Les Mis, I was debating earlier today whether to go to London to see it again! Valjean is one of my favourite characters too, as he represents that people can become whatever they want to be if they apply themselves and are willing to change.
Leo Says:
August 11th, 2008, 22:37 pm
Just wanted to point out that this is a guest post from Pete W, in case you didn’t notice. :)
Thanks go to Pete for writing this excellent guest post!
Scott McIntyre Says:
August 11th, 2008, 22:40 pm
I’m interested in your illustration of the points you raise, Pete. Les misersables is indeed a great tale of heroic motivation.
As you mention, being held accountable by others is a sure fire way to encourage us to achieve goals.
External markers for our performance help us focus because others have an interest in our success… they won’t let us give up as easily as we might do on our own!
Kevin H Says:
August 11th, 2008, 22:41 pm
Powerful post.
Ultimately, it’s about figuring what you want out of life - that’s one of the lengthier processes for people. Until we figure that out, we won’t know what we want out of particular situations.
Vered Says:
August 11th, 2008, 22:44 pm
I agree with Tim. If you tell people about your dreams, you need to be VERY careful about whom you talk with. Not everyone will be supportive, and often people you considered as friends will surprise you - not in a good way - by being very negative.
As for slowing down, while it isn’t easy to do, it makes the journey so much better. At the very least, it’s worth aiming for.
Leo Says:
August 11th, 2008, 23:00 pm
@Tim and Vered: You raise some good points … I think the key is to find a group of supportive people, whether that’s your spouse or co-workers or certain friends or colleagues. If you can find these supportive people, they’re the people you share your goals with. But yes, you’ll find that there are a lot of negative or unsupportive people — you can exclude them from this little circle for this purpose. :)
Overcoming Lifes Obstacles Says:
August 11th, 2008, 23:55 pm
I agree that you may not be able to tell everyone about your goals - but it is very important to have a few supporters that love and respect you enough to give you a boost when your down and to cheer you on til you’ve reached the goal.
Regarding #2, Don’t assume the worst in people. If you look you can find good in just about everyone. I’d also like to add that you need to accept others for where they are at. A lot of people 40 and older have a very tough time respecting or acceping 20 something people that have piercings and tatoo’s. - If you get to know these people as people and accept them for who they are, you might find a real treasure.
SuGar Pinoy Says:
August 12th, 2008, 0:05 am
We should all be mindful of #7. It’s human nature to blame others for bad things that happen to us while we take all the credit for the good stuff. Owning up to one’s action is very rare nowadays unfortunately.
Ana Says:
August 12th, 2008, 1:14 am
Love Les Misérables and how you worked it into very good points Pete. Slowing down is major and with telling others… I’m with you there. Especially if it is a major goal you’re going to devote your life to. There have been times when people seemed to act negative only to come around later on. In some cases these same people ended up being instrumental in helping me. Not only that but I’d have to question any “so called” friend who was overly negative. As long as someone wasn’t in danger of hurting themselves I know I would support them in their aspirations so why shouldn’t my friend do that for me. Could end up being a good Litmus test on how healthy the relationship really is.
Syamsyidar Says:
August 12th, 2008, 2:51 am
Hi Leo,
I just bought ZTD i try to download the file. 5 times. I can download the file but cannot open it. I have send an email to you there is no response thats why I send this thru comments inyour post. Sorry if this bother you. By I cabt wait to start reading the ZTD. Can you send me the file thru email instead.
I have no problem downloading the other ebook.
Eugene (Editor, Varsity Blah) Says:
August 12th, 2008, 3:10 am
“We are what we think; as we desire so do we become! By our thoughts, desires, and habits, we either ascend to the full divine dignity of our nature, or we descend to suffer and learn.”- J. Todd Ferrier
Pete W Says:
August 12th, 2008, 3:11 am
@above: Glad you’ve found it useful. I’m going to make a quick apology however; whilst I’ll read every comment this gets, I’m not going to have time to respond to everyone until this evening, so you’ll have to wait for about 10 hours. Sorry!
Anyway, have an awesome day to you all.
Glen Allsopp Says:
August 12th, 2008, 3:33 am
No. 2 should be don’t assume the ‘worsT’ in people?
Anyways, excellent post :)
Her Ticking Clock Says:
August 12th, 2008, 5:34 am
Glen, It got me confused too. Good thing Leo wasn’t the one who wrote it, hehe.
Lily Says:
August 12th, 2008, 5:48 am
To Leo, OT: would you write a post about how to deal with the highly judgemental attitude of some people on the net? It’s something that drives me up the wall. I know I just have to ignore it but it’s really hard. It spreads a lot of negativity.
Jenn Says:
August 12th, 2008, 7:37 am
This is a great post! I, too, have done things I’m not proud to own. I cannot change the past, however, and I only have today. Today I do my best to be the person the Universe needs me to be, which is one of the reasons why I read this blog. Thanks for the great post!
"Motivate Thyself" Says:
August 12th, 2008, 8:31 am
In regard to #7 Own Your Actions…I think being honest with yourself is one of the keys to meeting your goals. Often times we believe what we want to believe instead of just opening our eyes and assessing the situation for what it is. Without being fully aware of where we are, how we got there and where we’re going we are stuck trying to find our way in the dark. But with a clear, honest vision of our situation, we will be able to maneuver around any obstacles that come our way.
Lisa | Holistic Treatment for Depression Says:
August 12th, 2008, 8:53 am
I like the idea that intentions shape our lives and that if we are clear over our intentions, we are masters of our lives. It doesn’t mean we control what happens, just what our role is in each interaction.
Just think how a simple intention like, “I’m going to truly listen to every person I encounter today” could change a day, and over time, a life. That’s pretty powerful.
deepali Says:
August 12th, 2008, 13:04 pm
So for those saying that you should be careful whom you tel your dreams to, I have two thoughts:
1. Aren’t you violating #2 (assuming the worst)? Some people might have responded badly in the past, doesn’t mean they always will. We never know what changes us.
and
2. If someone else’s bad mood ruins your dreams, then you should rethink how much you yourself truly believe in them. If you hold fast, it won’t matter what anyone else says.
And a bonus 3. There is value in hearing negativity. Get past the attitude or context, and hear the words themselves. Sometimes we get so caught up in our dreams that we float in the clouds and forget that we need to keep our feet on the ground to achieve.
Pete W Says:
August 12th, 2008, 13:23 pm
Well, I promised I’d reply, so here goes…
Firstly, yes it should have been worst. Thanks for correcting Leo!
@ Tim sure, people will ridicule you. I’ve had it happen to me. Didn’t stop me setting up my own business. Didn’t stop me writing blogs. Didn’t stop me doing anything really. If you believe in it, tell people. They’ll find out anyway, and you’d better get used to people saying it’s not going to work.
However, as Leo said, you need to surround yourself with people who’ll support you too. But whatever your dream, push it as far as you can go.
Thought for the day: I’m sure someone once told Neil Armstrong he’d never walk on the moon.
@Overcoming very true. I used to hang around in the goth subculture. At the time I wore a huge leather coat constantly (which I still have; it’s a good coat!), huge boots, hair down to my waist… You wouldn’t believe the $%£* I got off people who wouldn’t take the time to say hello and get to know me, but would be more than happy to call names. Give people time. It’s important.
@Ana good points. And glad you liked the post : )
@deepali I’m not sure what you meant by the first bit. And don’t underestimate how much a good friend’s negativity can drag you down. 3. is a great tip though.
@lily I’m actually doing a post on that over at the Searchlight Digital blog tonight. Check back around 9GMT if you want to read it.
And to everyone else, thanks for the words of encouragement. They’re appreciated more than you know.
Lily Says:
August 12th, 2008, 14:31 pm
Thanks, Pete, I’ll sure check your post :)
(I’m calculating what time is that in Milan…)
Cubicle Hacker Says:
August 12th, 2008, 15:26 pm
I wonder why the government doesn’t try using this knowledge to turn criminals into productive citizens. There is a possibility of reprogramming those human beings. Right?
Piankeshaw Says:
August 12th, 2008, 17:08 pm
Thank you! Great message and one that I will try to live up to. It is often hard in a society (especially the U.S. Government) that wants to think the worst of people. There are layer upon layer of rules to prevent cheating; only to encourage more cheating. It has to start with someone.
Samira al Thores Says:
August 12th, 2008, 17:44 pm
I add another item to the list:
Express gratitude for the past, present…and future.
Miss Gisele B | myBeautyMatch.com Says:
August 12th, 2008, 23:29 pm
Number 7 is the most powerful tip Leo.
It’s so important to take full responsibility for our actions. It’s essential to be able to move forward.
Blaming other people or situations will do nothing at becoming the best that we can be.
Thanks for another great post!
Miss Gisele B.
maura Says:
August 13th, 2008, 16:11 pm
Great list! # 7’s great insight - a boat manages to get to its destination even if it isn’t on course most of the time. A general direction and appropriate corrections is the best most of us can do.
Though re: #6, I am an advocate of limiting the people to whom you tell your plans. And while you don’t want to assume the worst (#2), I would not automatically assume the the best, either - I had to learn that the hard way.
As a corallary to the list, remember that not everyone will interpret your intentions, motivations or desires in the same way that you do. There is a reason that some people go to extremes to “manage their reputation,” and that image often goes a lot further than substance.
andres jimenez Says:
August 14th, 2008, 15:21 pm
Hello Leo,
I would like this site to be more convenient with printing. I usually print to pdf all your articles, but selecting text from the pdf is hard because of line breaks.
Thank you,
I will give a 2nd read to your ZTD book this week.
andres jimenez Says:
August 14th, 2008, 15:22 pm
also black text will be preferred. :D
selfdiver Says:
August 15th, 2008, 5:46 am
I adopt #3 “Respect everyone” only as a general prescription on how to behave with people. Sometime I face individuals who really annoy me. I still believe they deserve to be respected just because they are human beings but when it comes to dialog with them the only thing they respect is their own opinion. I do not respect such a behavior. I respect the idea that those guys demonstrate their good will to other people who they like. They just do not like me.
#4 really helps.
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