The No. 1 Lifehack You can Implement Today to Make the World a Better Place
Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Mark Hayward of the MyTropicalEscape blog.
In a word: Kindness.
The Oxford Pocket Dictionary defines kindness as - the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.
It’s a simple concept in theory, but in reality it is an action that can sometimes be difficult to implement on a day-to-day basis.
Now I am not talking about the kindness that you might show to your spouse, family members, or friends; yes, of course that’s important.
Likewise, if you are going into your preferred religious institution or social gathering place it is easy to be kind to your peers and those who are familiar…however, how do you (we, me, US) treat those who might be different?
Specifically, I am talking about kindness toward strangers, particularly, those who might be different from us.
A little background
Today the sun is rising perfectly over Mt. Resaca as I sit here on the beach watching my dog dig for crabs in the sand. For me life is really quite good. However, yesterday a pipe burst in my house and we had gallons of water on our office floor, which took me the better part of two hours to clean up.
While undertaking the mindless act of soaking up water and wringing out the towels I got lost in my thoughts and began to reflect upon both the past and present state of the world.
- Why is there so much hatred?
- How come people have to suffer?
- What is one small change that I can implement to help make the world a nicer place to be?
Germination of this reflection
Typically I don’t think about such heavy subjects while I am working. However, two items that I have recently read, one a blog post and the other the beginning of a book, really struck a chord.
The book, The Years of Extermination, by Sal Friedlander covers the horrendous story of Nazi Germany and the Jews from 1939 to 1945. During the introduction of the book Friedlander starts off by telling the story of a photo that contains a young man, David Moffie, who was just awarded his degree in medicine in 1942 from the University of Amsterdam with all of the regular pomp and circumstance. He goes on to describe that in the photo you can see Moffie wearing a small palm sized star with the word Jood underneath.
The significance of the photo?
David Moffie was the last Jewish student at the University of Amsterdam under German occupation. According to Friedlander, shortly after graduation Moffie was sent to Auschwitz concentration camp.
Along with the book’s introduction as described above, the other item that got me contemplating about the world and kindness was a recent blog post about racism on Chris Brogan’s website.
In his recent missive Chris veered from his usual musings on social media, the net, and blogging and he decided to get people thinking with a subtle post about media and how it can be used to perpetuate racism. As one example in the post he mentioned the recent New Yorker cover featuring Barack Obama and his wife who are shown, as a caricature, in a not so positive light.
What does this have to do with kindness?
While this is certainly not a post about racism or the Holocaust, I feel that both subjects are about as far away as one can get on the spectrum from kindness, as both are intentionally meant to degrade, humiliate, and hurt people.
Within my life I have been quite fortunate and have had the opportunity to travel to many countries, live for extended periods in various foreign nations, and have made some remarkable friends along the way.
Unfortunately, while traveling and living overseas I have also been the target of someone’s dislike and animosity on more than one occasion simply because I was different. Whether it was my skin color, poor language skills, hairstyle, or whatever, I am not really sure.
Nevertheless, as I have recently turned 40 I have been asking myself and thinking about the following:
“Where does the seeming hate and vitriol of racism come from and what would the world be like if we were all a little bit nicer to each other?”
Surely most of us are not perfect, but I have also been thinking lately about the fact that it’s very hard to have hate in your being or in your actions if you are sincerely trying to be kind towards others.
This is not meant to come off as preaching, in fact, this is as much a note to myself as it is to the Zen Habits’ readers who choose to peruse this post.
So what have I decided to do?
Starting today, the simple act (hack?) that I am going to practice to try and make the world a better place to live in is:
Kindness
Why kindness? Because it’s free, easy to implement, and we can consciously choose to be kind to fellow humans.
How can you participate?
In true Zen Habits fashion, what I would like to see the reader’s do is quite simple - be kind to someone today, i.e. kindness it forward through your actions and interactions.
By myself the act of kindness is just one very tiny drop into the global bucket, but Leo has over 60,000 subscribers from all over the world!
Together, as a collective effort and united front, if we all decide to “kindness it forward” today, tomorrow, and the next day can you imagine the impact we could have?
Think about it, if even 30,000 of Leo’s subscribers go out and are kind to two extra people today that is 60,000 acts of kindness. Possibly, the 60,000 recipients of this kindness will then decide to be kind towards at least two other people during their day. That would spread the kindness movement to 120,000…and you get the idea.
Instead of listing out ways to be kind (e.g. saying hello, smiling, giving someone a ride, etc) I would like to turn this into a Zen Habit’s participatory exercise.
In the comments section as a way to help us to remember to be kind I thought we could list out 100 ways that our collective kindness might help a stranger and just possibly make the world a nicer place to be today.
I will start with the first five. Our kindness today might just:
- Save somebody’s life.
- Cause a person to be nice to someone else.
- Make someone smile.
- Ease someone’s stress.
- Help you to meet someone you might not normally come into contact with.
100.
Can we change the world? I don’t know.
But do we have the ability to make someone’s day a little better today because of a small act? Absolutely! And it all starts with kindness.
Mark Hayward owns a small business on the island of Culebra in the Caribbean. He blogs about lifestyle design, entrepreneurship, and travel at MyTropicalEscape and you can follow him on Twitter.
- Posted on 26 August 2008 in Happiness, Health Tip Day |
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Comments (97)
Daniel Richard Says:
August 26th, 2008, 18:37 pm
I’m confident of getting #2, #3, and #4 done today.
Liked the idea of making it a collective effort that we can implement it today in having kindness in wherever we are in today. :)
Daniel
Shilpan | successsoul.com Says:
August 26th, 2008, 18:41 pm
We can certainly make our world more peaceful by showing kindness and compassion towards others and by appreciating what life has offered to us so far. An excellent idea.
"Motivate Thyself" Says:
August 26th, 2008, 18:43 pm
#_Encourage someone to never stop pursuing their dreams.
deepali Says:
August 26th, 2008, 19:06 pm
# Send someone cookies :)
# Lend someone your favorite book.
# Pay for someone’s lunch
# Stick up for someone else
# Don’t get mad at someone
Mary Matthews Says:
August 26th, 2008, 19:46 pm
# feed a parking meter
# smile sympathetically at the exhausted mother of an unhappy child and tell her she’s doing a good job
# give some one a compliment, and mean it
# do a little extra of something some one else “should do” dishes, laundry, picking up litter
# be a contact person for a new student
# leave a really good tip for good service
# ask someone how their day has been
# play with a dog
# hold the door for someone
# give your seat to someone else on the bus/subway
# tell someone who looks troubled that it will be all right, but don’t ask for details
# send someone this post
MikeB Says:
August 26th, 2008, 19:46 pm
# 6. Help someone make the first move to heal an estranged relationship.
# 7. Allow someone to discover gratidude in their life.
Mary Matthews Says:
August 26th, 2008, 19:48 pm
# help some one navigate through the airport security, customs, passport control, baggage claim, and figure out where they need to go to next
Writer Dad Says:
August 26th, 2008, 20:00 pm
It’s too bad the movie Pay it Forward was so terrible, because it really is a fantastic concept.
Jeff@MySuperChargedLife Says:
August 26th, 2008, 20:10 pm
# buy someone lunch
# take care of someone’s kids for free
# send a note to brighten a friend’s day
# bring a co-worker a special treat
Vered - MomGrind Says:
August 26th, 2008, 20:22 pm
Happy Birthday. :)
Our kindness today might just:
Teach our kids to be kind too.
Cindy Yates Says:
August 26th, 2008, 20:39 pm
I just got home from a funeral of a friend, Danny Roy Young, who epitomized this very idea. The church was standing room only and there was a line out the door at the reception. He was the most kind, generous, and loving person I have ever known. On the door of the restaurant he ran for many years was the slogan, “Just be nice, please.” That says it all. Everyone that knew him felt a special connection to him. If you have a few minutes, check out the comments on the local newspaper’s blog post about his passing: http://www.austin360.com/blogs/content/shared-gen/blogs/austin/music/entries/2008/08/21/danny_young_1943_2008.html
Kindness does make a difference. I hope that I can follow in Danny’s footsteps and always remember to “just be nice, please.”
Thanks for this wonderful and timely post. :-)
Lance Says:
August 26th, 2008, 20:43 pm
Kindness is a state of being like loving, caring, etc. Your kindness is expressed in many ways. As a supervisor and someone responsible for the finances of a company I would have many opportunities to be an asshole. Many people in my job are much less kind and considerate than they have to be. I am never personal in my criticisms and take the tack that the person wants things done right as much as I do, so we solve the problem together. Say good morning to people, care about them as people, not just workers or coworkers and never, ever talk down to them. I get a lot of respect and kindnesses in return!
The Daily Minder Says:
August 26th, 2008, 21:13 pm
Kindness.
Its not that hard is it?
Wonderful post.
TDM
Chris Says:
August 26th, 2008, 21:26 pm
I’m with Vered on this one. I teach kindness to my children and students.
Jin Says:
August 26th, 2008, 21:50 pm
# quit smoking, run a mile, make a drawing, take a photo, treat yourself a new book, etc, - be kind to yourself.
Shamelle - TheEnhanceLife Says:
August 26th, 2008, 22:57 pm
The little acts of kindness goes a long way. Sometimes we don’t even realize it.
About 2 weeks ago, I went for a wedding. There must have been around 200 guests. Imagine my surprise when I received a “thank you” card. One would think that this is customary. However, the card I received wasn’t a template which was sent to everyone. It was hand written and it stated the specific gift I gave them. I was really moved that they took the time to show such appreciation.
One way argue that it would have saved them time it them got a template and just added the name and sent it. Again.. its a choice.
Similarly kindness is a choice.
Jamie | WiredParentPad Says:
August 26th, 2008, 23:05 pm
Vered and Chris, I’m right there with both of you… kindness can be catchy and spread from our generation to the next by the examples we set.
Eugene (Editor, Varsity Blah) Says:
August 27th, 2008, 0:22 am
“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.” – W. C. Fields
deepu Says:
August 27th, 2008, 0:37 am
Just remember to smile, to extend a helping hand, to be grateful in life, to wish an elderly person on special days. The simplest of actions, words and deeds from those who give it can be a life changing, memorable experience to those who recieve it.
Tabs at Levnow Says:
August 27th, 2008, 0:58 am
# Not kill my mischievous niece for hiding my to do list note book (I am lost without it).
# Return my sister dvd rental and not complain, she always returnes them late.
Got to go find my notebook, I will think kind thoughts while I search.
-Tabs
The Success Professor Says:
August 27th, 2008, 1:25 am
While certainly kindness is an important life habit, it surprises me that it actually needs to be thought of as something we need to intentionally act on today. Should we not already be living kindness as part of life? Is this really a habit that is new to people? Perhaps I am naive but I assume people to be kind to start with. We can do more acts of kindness everyday and this might be a good reminder of that, but kindness should already be a natural part of our character.
matthijs Says:
August 27th, 2008, 1:27 am
Though the world most definitely needs more kindness, “implementing” this particular “lifehack” might become a little easier if you understand that animosity towards strangers unfortunately is unfortunately one of our evolutionary traits.
Historically, humans who distrusted strangers had a better chance of survival than humans who were kind to stranger. The latter ones were often wiped out when it turned out the strangers in question did not return their kindness.
Before you start complaining about this, think of how hard survival has been for most humans for most of their history. Only for the past two, three hundred years and only in the west has it been easy for most. So ruthlessness was an essential survival tactic.
If we’re aware of that, implementing kindness becomes a lot easier. You could, of course, go what I call the hippy route and simply repress your ruthless urges (which you have. don’t lie to yourself), meaning they’ll return with a vengeance at some inopportune time, or you could, as it were, perform judo. If you meet a stranger, acknowledge your instinct is to kill them (well, not to kill them, but you’re probably a little distrustful). Examine your fear and / or anger for a little while …
and then choose to do nothing at all with it.
Like I said, this works a lot better than simply denying your unpleasant urges. If you examine closely those people that force themselves to be nice to everyone in just about every situation, you’ll notice they always seem tense, like they’re ready to explode at any minute. That is because they are.
Amber Says:
August 27th, 2008, 1:41 am
It’s oh so true that we all could increase the collective amount of positive energy in the world. Showing compassion to each other with just a simple smile is all it takes. Because when it get’s down to it, we are all just people just trying to survive in this world. I wrote about this recently and I firmly believe it’s the next step in elevating the human consciousness. That and mindfulness. We must evolve and be gracious to one another if we expect to exist in 200 years.
Stefan Says:
August 27th, 2008, 1:43 am
The most important point as always is to be aware and conscious with everything you do. While speaking with other people, compassion and kindness will come up naturally.
Generally speaking, I find it hard to keep all the great hints in mind, remembering them when they’re appropriate and applying them then. You are most of the time busy thinking of the hints you’ve read and whether they apply to the current situation ;)
My way is just to be completely awake when doing things and this works great.
Stephen Says:
August 27th, 2008, 2:01 am
This is a nice article and brings up an issue close to my heart. I regularly practice buddhist metta meditation. Metta roughly translates to loving kindness.
I also wrote on my blog about how our imaginary boundaries allow us to feel separate from others. This separateness allows for hate and greed and so forth. But in reality the boundaries don’t exist. They are produced by misperception. By the conditioning produced by taking the very limited physical senses as an acurate representation of reality.
Kelly@SHE-POWER Says:
August 27th, 2008, 2:36 am
Great article Mark. Kindness is cheap but it’s effects go on forever. One thing I can think of for Australian and UK residents (not sure about US and other countries) is buy a BIG ISSUE from your local homeless vendor and let him him keep the change AND most important of all, ask him how his day is going. The homeless are invisible and they feel it. Acknowledge their existence and you’ve made one one of the most vulnerable people in our society feel like they have a reason to keep going.
Kelly
Scott McIntyre Says:
August 27th, 2008, 3:10 am
Kindness is a basic quality which is often overlooked in our rush to fulfill our own lives, Mark.
It’s a very basic approach to ensuring that our relationships are healthy and satisfying. When we give out kindness, it comes back by the dozen.
‘Random acts of kindness’ are like bullets of positivity ;-)
Glen Allsopp Says:
August 27th, 2008, 3:10 am
Excellent post. It’s great to see Mark over here and blogging as I’m such a fan of his.
Nice to see you both collaborating :)
Stumbled
daily5list.com Says:
August 27th, 2008, 3:37 am
You ask if we can change the world… I think the answer is YES! and kidness is one of the most powerfull ways that we have to do it…
love the post!
Merijn Says:
August 27th, 2008, 3:56 am
Inspirational post (as always), and clearly influenced by buddhism I recon.
Nich Says:
August 27th, 2008, 4:36 am
I’ve just donated blood… there was a huge poster in the waiting room outlining some of the times that the UK blood service needs to supply blood to people (chemotherapy, operations, burns, emergency accidents and so on) and it reminded me of the number of my family and friends who have relied on this donation - so if you can, do it!
Ashvin Menon Says:
August 27th, 2008, 4:44 am
#1 - ask someone how their day is going
#2 - believe in the good side of someone, instead of being cynical and prejudgemental
#3 - make the first move. to heal wounds, to rebuild relationships, or even to be polite and smile.
#4 - forgive. an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
#5 - commit a random act of kindness, and walk away smiling. once i went up to my college receptionist and went “did you know that you look stunning today?”. she just blinked in confusion, but i like to think she felt better after that. i know i did :)
Antonie Fountain Says:
August 27th, 2008, 6:10 am
Our Dutch public transport is phenomenal, but if you don’t know how or where to buy the 2 different kind of tickets for 3 different kinds of transport you’re sunk.
Yesterday, an Indian man walked up to me and asked me where he could buy an all-day travelcard. However, we were at last stop at the end of the metro-line in an industrial zone, with no ticket counter, only a machine that exclusively accepts Dutch coins. Also, it only gives out one of the 2 kinds of tickets you need.
I had just bought a ticket that I was about to validate, and decided to give it to him. His gratitude felt phenomenal. 5 seconds later I got a phone call that the location I had to go to was changed, so that I didn’t need the ticket anyway.
10 Seconds A Day Says:
August 27th, 2008, 6:41 am
A lot of good suggestions not only from the article but also from the commenters. If all of us can do all those things, then that’s what I can call Heaven on Earth:-)
Amy-Lynn Says:
August 27th, 2008, 7:12 am
To be kind, try to refrain from making sarcastic remarks for just a day. It’s not easy. We often think we’re being clever, but humour at the expense of another comes with too high a price. The Greek root of the word ’sarcasm’ means ‘to tear flesh.’ We take for granted how hurtful and unkind a practice it is.
Pete Says:
August 27th, 2008, 7:17 am
I think this is a great concept to use everyday. What I never see written about anywhere is how SELF rewarding these acts of kindness are. I mean, they actually help you out later on in life. I can not even count the amount of times I have gotten help from random strangers because they know my family. My parents are very kind people, constantly giving of themselves to others. I used to wonder if they were weak for it, being the rebel I was.
But now I see they were stronger than I could ever have imagined.
Angus Mack Says:
August 27th, 2008, 7:18 am
A thoughtful post, and useful to individuals and society. I heartily suggest that all who read it do accordingly.
Nothing new about the concept, though. Long ago, Jesus said that we should behave this way … and he said it more succinctly:
“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ lend to ’sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Luke 6:32-36
Marlene Says:
August 27th, 2008, 7:33 am
# let someone in your line of traffic.
# say thank you to the cashier (and mean it).
# pick up the trash that isn’t yours in the parking lot.
# bake cookies for a neighbor.
mark_hayward Says:
August 27th, 2008, 7:38 am
Good morning (or good afternoon)! Thank you all for the comments and input so far.
@The Success Professor - good point…I think we all know that we *should* be kind, but sometimes life circumstances preclude this, e.g. we are in a rush to get somewhere, have a run in with someone who is rude, or spill coffee on our shirt (terrible examples I know) and kindness takes a back seat.
@matthijs - I think in certain circumstances you are correct. I was flying through Miami airport last week and got stuck in a huge immigration queue. From way out the back a guy comes up to the line next to mine asking if he can jump ahead so that he might make his flight in ten minutes…let’s just say that he did not make his flight and took a little verbal abuse to boot from the people in line.
mark_hayward Says:
August 27th, 2008, 7:45 am
@vered – thank you for the birthday wish. :) You just had one too, didn’t you? Agree, it all starts with the next generation.
@Cindy Yates – truly sorry to hear about your loss and I really like Danny’s slogan, “Just be nice, please.” I went and read the newspaper post and he really must have been an exceptional person.
One Bag Nation Says:
August 27th, 2008, 7:59 am
I think kindness starts with empathy - being able to understand and appreciate how someone else is feeling. As a parent, this is so important and often difficult in our “me” culture.
jerry Says:
August 27th, 2008, 7:59 am
matthijs–
excellent observations–i suppose being “kind” whether you really mean it or not is not all that bad. but its preaching to the choir and very limiting in scope. what really takes integrity is to bring it beyond the choir, which i imagine few people will care to do.
Jane UK Says:
August 27th, 2008, 8:07 am
You are great, you lot! It has cheered me up reading the blog and all the comments. Each of you has done a kindness in raising my spirits today.
I’ve been trying to remember a quote saying something like: ‘be particularly kind to everyone, as everyone is fighting some kind of battle.’
Does anyone know where this might come from?
thanks,
Jane
Mahmudur Says:
August 27th, 2008, 8:27 am
Great post Mark. Read my view about kindness.
http://dewdropofjupiter.blogspot.com/2008/08/three-ways-to-build-ark.html
See Double You Says:
August 27th, 2008, 8:31 am
Here’s what I’ve been making a concerted effort to do lately:
- Wish everyone I pass at work a “good morning” and a give them the gift of a smile.
- Be genuine. Sincerely hoping they have a good day and providing the true desire to help them boosts their confidence and raises their spirits which hopefully will carry on to the next person they interact with.
I have a small blurb on my site about using wisdom, courage, and compassion to improve the lives of those around me…
Lisa | Finding Balance, Naturally Says:
August 27th, 2008, 8:48 am
There’s a buddhist meditation that focuses on keeping the heart open. While it’s fairly easy for me to be kind to people in general, when I’m around someone whom I perceive as unkind, I concentrate on keeping my heart open to them. This makes it easier for me to smile, hear what they say, and see them in a different, more positive light. It makes me a kinder person.
Lu Says:
August 27th, 2008, 8:58 am
1. Be an active listener. Someone may need that at this moment.
2. Tell someone something they need to hear and mean what you say.
3. Smile.
4. Let someone know you see them. When you walk past them, acknowledge their presence.
5. Give someone a loving nudge to follow their dreams.
SpaceAgeSage Says:
August 27th, 2008, 9:49 am
Kindness fuels many wonderful changes and interactions, and I find that it moves even more powerfully when I’m kind to myself by letting go of doubts, self-criticism, and the need to be right. Sometimes I have to stop and think, “Have I hugged my inner child today?”
Brian Says:
August 27th, 2008, 9:50 am
Awesome post Mark.
If only world leaders and people in power would show more kindness, then the world would truly be a better place.
Phoebe Says:
August 27th, 2008, 9:58 am
Thank you for this post. Kindness is always something I try to practice, but while slogging through grad school, the stress can get to me. It was great to have some positive reinforcement this morning before class.
Some ideas:
1. Send someone a thank-you card for an act that doesn’t usually merit a thank-you card (i.e. a reporter writing a positive story in the newspaper or your coffee shop employees helping you stay awake and smiling)
2. Send a postcard with a quick note or a poem on it. I’m a huge fan of sending happiness through snail mail and postcards tend to be more permanent than emails.
3. If you find yourself thinking about someone, send them a quick email or give them a call. It always brightens someone’s day to know someone else is thinking about them.
4. If the person ahead of you in line for coffee/sandwich/etc. is short of change, offer to pay for their drink. I had a chance to do this once and it made both myself and the girl very happy.
5. Call your parent(s) and say thank you.
6. Give a homeless person a sandwich.
Jeff Hess Says:
August 27th, 2008, 10:03 am
Shalom Mark,
It is easy to kind.
It is much harder, sometimes seemingly impossible, to not be unkind.
It is easy to smile first.
It is difficult to return a scowl with a smile.
It is easy to ease someone’s stress.
It is difficult to not add stress to someone who is stressing you.
To not be unkind is profoundly more difficult, and extraordinarily rewarding.
B’shalom,
Jeff
mark_hayward Says:
August 27th, 2008, 10:21 am
@One Bag Nation - I think you make a very valid point regarding empathy!
@she-power - hey Kelly! For the past twelve years or so, the islands that I have called home have had zero homeless population When I go to big cities or back to the U.S. it is always one of the first things that strikes me. Homelessness, in the US? Why?
@pluginID - Glen, thanks for your kind words. :)
deepali Says:
August 27th, 2008, 10:43 am
@ mathijs - evolution and history are not necessarily the same paths (often parallel, but not often similar). We have a lot of evidence from evolutionary biology that altruism (and not ruthlessness) is our natural state. I highly recommend to everyone Robert Sapolsky’s articles on his research with baboons in E Africa.
One could then argue, as someone earlier mentioned, that we are naturally kind and it should not have to be something we “learn” or need to practice. So perhaps nature makes us kind and society/civilization makes us unkind?
OU812? Says:
August 27th, 2008, 10:54 am
# After someone thanks you, reply by saying, “it’s my pleasure”.
# Relax and slow down in your car. Show courtesy to other drivers/pedestrians.
# Plant a tree in someone’s name
# Donate time/money. It doesn’t cost a lot of either to help someone and potentially even save their lives. For less than the cost of a cup of coffee a day, you can really help someone in need.
# Really pay attention to what others are saying to you. Make mental notes of their concerns and ask them about it the next time you see them.
# Treat others how you would like to be treated.
# Be patient with your parents. We are from different generations…
Valerie Says:
August 27th, 2008, 11:21 am
# The next time you would tell someone thank you, don’t say it. Instead, write a quick note telling them how they made your day better.
# It can’t be said enough. Listen, as if you had nothing else to do, no other place to be, and nothing more to say.
# The next time you ask someone how they are, maintain eye contact, and wait for a real answer.
Cynthia Says:
August 27th, 2008, 11:43 am
Being kind to someone…
May just make them forget about their troubles if only for a moment.
Lotta Says:
August 27th, 2008, 11:46 am
Pay It Forward.
Practise gratefulness and gratitude.
My mottos.
When I read this post I felt understood. This has been a personal mission of mine this year, a different kind of resolution. While some people are unwelcoming, others have opened up and exposed themselves in kind.
Another quote I recalled and humbles me:
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Attributed to both T.H. Thompson and John Watson
Thankyou.
Al at 7P Says:
August 27th, 2008, 11:46 am
Hi Mark - what a great post! I really like the message, because kindness can be viral. Showing a little bit of kindness can indeed propagate and multiply.
marty Says:
August 27th, 2008, 11:54 am
“Being kind to anyone is basically being kind to yourself.. .”
jack74 Says:
August 27th, 2008, 12:12 pm
I like the idea that kindness is viral. It’s got me thinking about the ways I can be kind to strangers, co-workers, friends, etc. It’s kind of exciting when you think about it. Choosing to be in the present and to be mindful — maybe that is true freedom.
mark_hayward Says:
August 27th, 2008, 12:14 pm
@Al at 7P - I am really glad that the viral message comes through! I am working on (and hoping to launch very soon) a collaborative project with some amazing folks and we hope to take helping/kindness to a whole new level with social media…
Mandiann Says:
August 27th, 2008, 12:14 pm
Every time I read a post about kindness I have an “ah-ha” moment. It shouldn’t be like that. Everyone should be kind all the time. It feels so good and it comes so natural. It is a shame that humans are programmed by the media to judge and hate.
# Visit someone you care about but have not made the time to see.
# Go to the animal shelter and play with some dogs and cats.
# say please and thank you… and truly mean it
# ask some one how they are doing.. and listen to the answer
# smile
# offer help to someone in need.
# read to a child
# Give compliments.. and mean them
# Tell a loved one how you truly feel
# say thank you to someone special.. not for any reason except their existence.
# laugh
Sabrinasa21 Says:
August 27th, 2008, 12:18 pm
Love on someone in crisis pregnancy.
Save someone from having an abortion, they would suffer much longer in the long run if they go through with it.
Life is kindness.. loving those in need is kindness.
Be kind.
Laurel Vogel at Ninth Elegy Says:
August 27th, 2008, 12:33 pm
Wonderful post, Mark. I appreciate this reminder. I think there are two more ways to be kind.
1. Don’t assume that because someone is glowering or has a mean expression on their face that they are mean, or unfriendly, or that they need to lighten up. Assume instead that they are suffering and in need of compassion. This will help to change your heart and lessen your reactivity to other’s emotional states.
2. Cultivate the art of being with emotions unconditionally–your own and those of others. Trying to change or force another to feel in some way that is not authentic is unkind. Instead of telling people to cheer up, buck up, and have a nice day, we might inquire about what is really up for them, and then express compassion toward that. Sometimes just really listening to someone can activate their own forces and enable them to solve their own problems, which will in turn encourage their own innate ability to “lighten up.”
mark_hayward Says:
August 27th, 2008, 12:41 pm
@Mandiann - thank you for bringing up the animal shelter! We are currently fostering an amazing island dog (who is available for adoption) named Mango…He would most definitely stay with us forever but we already have three rescue dogs and two cats.
Rick Says:
August 27th, 2008, 12:46 pm
I’m going to buy some food and give to the homeless guy I walk past every evening.
Robin Says:
August 27th, 2008, 13:15 pm
Many comments have noted how kindness should be a given. I think kindness requires being aware of those around you. Remembering to hold a door open for someone means being aware of that person, being aware that holding a door could be really helpful to them. We are overwhelmed with ways to interact with people and things, so a certain amount of filtering is essential. Too much filtering means being isolated in your own world without being aware of the presence of others, let alone their needs. Open your awareness, and kindness will come easily.
Beth Says:
August 27th, 2008, 13:49 pm
Jeff Hess,
I agree that it’s difficult to return a smile for a scowl. But if we could all learn that lesson, a lot of anger would be “smiled away.”
After seeing all the stuff that’s going on between police and protesters in Denver this week, I think this post is very timely, especially in politics.
Veronica Says:
August 27th, 2008, 14:04 pm
Oh, how I wish we had a beach here in AZ to watch our dogs dig for crabs…
It does wonders for the psyche when we show a little kindness to others. I think it is good to point out though that sometimes it can be EASIER to show that kindness to strangers than our own peeps! Sometimes from knowing our family and close friends love us unconditionally, they get our bad moods and crankiness and not enough of our compliments and small acts of kindness to help ease their stresses or just put a smile on their face!
So, we all should get out their and show some random acts of kindness to those we don’t know, but never forget to “show the love” to those closest to us:)
Steve Says:
August 27th, 2008, 14:08 pm
I love this. I work in the security field and you wouldn’t believe how surprised people are when you approach them regarding a security issue with kindness. We can be kind while dealing directly with the issues that need to be dealt with.
Asia Hadley Says:
August 27th, 2008, 14:21 pm
I’m doing my part in changing the world by implementing a 30 day Random Acts of Kindness trial. I plan to continue after the thirty days because it gives me much satisfaction to consciously being kind to others. I track my acts of kindness and give myself a star for each kind act. Although I find myself engaging in acts of kindness everyday, by bringing a conscious awareness to my actions, the fruit of my actions feel sweeter.
I have more joy in my life too, as I make a positive contribution to others. This relieves stress in my own life. You can read more about combating stress on my blog, Beacons on the Frontline, Sustaining the light of those who serve. http://www.beaconsfrontline.com
V Says:
August 27th, 2008, 14:28 pm
Great post. Such a simple concept, really, but we all neglect it, often unconsciously. I’d add a couple of specifics:
-Treat people with respect (that means yourself, too).
-Take time to really listen when people speak to you.
Xibalba Says:
August 27th, 2008, 14:47 pm
Sorry, have to disagree here. I’m always very friendly, hasn’t changed the world a little bit though.
PhilipLilly.com Says:
August 27th, 2008, 15:30 pm
Random acts of kindness always brighten my day, but the sad thing is they surprise me. This shows how selfish we are because these random acts of kindness are so few and far between.
Could it change the world if we were all a little more kind? Maybe, but it takes a lot to combat all the hatred. I think it is a wonderful idea to try to be kind when possible, but I have trouble sometimes seeing the big picture.
I know I will go out and and try to do something kind for someone today though.
jules Says:
August 27th, 2008, 16:29 pm
“Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.” - Mother Theresa
patricia gray Says:
August 27th, 2008, 16:32 pm
Count me in for “kindness it forward”. I have already practiced this 3 times today. Excellent post and daily practice will make it into a learned habit.
mark_hayward Says:
August 27th, 2008, 16:37 pm
@jules - very nice. I have not heard or read that Mother Theresa quote before…thanks for sharing.
rajesh Says:
August 27th, 2008, 17:26 pm
I agree with matthijs who says:
“Historically, humans who distrusted strangers had a better chance of survival than humans who were kind to stranger. The latter ones were often wiped out when it turned out the strangers in question did not return their kindness.”
Isn’t the present “success” of the West is mainly due to UNKIND treatment of the non-West in the past?!
Jeannie Says:
August 27th, 2008, 18:03 pm
to xibalba: I assure you the kindness you have shown to others has made a difference. You just haven’t witnessed it. Positive thinking is key. Chin up!
to Marlene: Kindness in traffic is something I can give every day! It could prevent an accident and save lives.
to Ashvin: The eye for an eye, the world will be blind is quite profound. I am humbled. Thanks.
to Mark: Thank you, I will continue the gift of kindness every day. (it is truly a gift) Enjoyed your article. Blessings to you and yours.
Jeannie Says:
August 27th, 2008, 18:13 pm
To Rajesh: The history of the USA is frought with evil and ignorance as well as supreme acts of kindness and generosity. (however evil and ignorance is not exclusive to my country) Let us be kind together and encourage our countrymen to do the same.
Jenni Says:
August 27th, 2008, 18:28 pm
This is a really nice post. Focusing on the positive, and looking to learn from a negative. Being of the Native population here, and having been on the receiving end of the termination program. I work to see it in another light. To see us all as the family of man…not so much that we all came from Africa, but we might of, but that on the molecular level, we are all connected with everything else in the universe. And we can make a difference in our small part of it.
James Says:
August 27th, 2008, 19:51 pm
The No. 1 Lifehack You can Implement Today to Make the World a Better Place:
Stop destroying the planet.
That vague. That easy. Stop.
matthijs Says:
August 28th, 2008, 1:14 am
@deepali : what I meant was, and I should have made that clearer, that we are by nature very kind and altruistic indeed to our family and to others close to us (our “tribe”, in evolutionary speak) but quite the opposite to everyone else (other “tribes” that might steal our food or worse). You can still see this mechanism in action today. In my own country, people will say the most awful things about immigrants (other “tribes”) and vote for parties that want to dump immigrants into the see, but they’re fairly kind to the one or two immigrants they meet every day at work (those are of “their own tribe”).
Gianpaolo Says:
August 28th, 2008, 4:33 am
Great! I’ll try to practice #2, #3 and #4. And, in general, it’s quite a good idea. With a little effort we can do great things. The drama is that we don’t know this power
JONxBLAZE Says:
August 28th, 2008, 17:32 pm
I try to make it a habit to be kind to as many people as possible throughout my day. At the end of the day, it truly is a rewarding feeling. The best thing about it is, your kindness is answered by the universe and gives it back to you two-fold.
Great post…
listenmore Says:
August 29th, 2008, 4:27 am
I “became” kind about a decade ago. I must say that being kind to others was the greatest kindness I ever did for…myself. Being kind softens the sharp points and hard edges of your life. Simply by being kind to others-and it is simple- my life became gentler and much more beautiful
listenmore Says:
August 29th, 2008, 4:55 am
# If someone gets in line behind you at the check out and has only a few items, let them go first. This easy, very easy and will cost you 2 or 3 min tops.
# This may be a bit harder, and may cost you more time, but; when a mom with tired cranky kids lines up behind you, even if her basket is overflowing, let her go first. This is not just a kindness for her but for everyone else in that part of the store.
# Being kind is very easy. Opportunities abound. The hard part is to teach yourself to step out of your minds and tangled lives and to notice the people around you. Once you start noticing the people you will see many chances to be of help to others. ( I was going into a discount store the other day and saw an employee fighting with about a half dozen carts desperately trying to keep any of them from roiling out into the traffic of the busy parking lot. I sprinted 20 yards or so to catch one of his ‘runaways’ just before it hit a passing car. The amazing part of the story is that I had to ’sprint’ past no less than 5 people to do this. Not one of them even seemed to notice the poor kid struggling less than two arm lengths away. The moral? The first step in making kindness part of our days is to be part of our environment, not just be in it.
-I love the posts above and seeing so many people respond with so many great ideas- listenmore
John Says:
August 29th, 2008, 9:34 am
I agree with “the success professor” when he says that kindness should be part of our character. I really think that the place to start is to first learn to be kind to ourselves. First cultivating internal “self-kindness” is key. Then naturally we can be kind to others. It’s the inside-out approach. Otherwise we may just be kind because we want others to like us or just to feeling better about ourselves. This is very superficial because our kindness is dependent on an external source. Acts of kindness I think really comes from a character of consideration and compassion - an internal source.
heathervescent Says:
August 29th, 2008, 13:25 pm
Great post. It’s true. Usually I feel like I am the one doing the acts, but I wrote about a random act of kindness that made my day here: http://www.heathervescent.com/heathervescent/2008/04/the-kindness-of.html
It’s nice when the wheel turns your way once in a bit.
Jamie Says:
August 31st, 2008, 14:41 pm
Inspiring post!
As for me…give ten hugs today
M Says:
October 1st, 2008, 13:49 pm
I try to help someone smile each day! What a fantastic post! Thanks
Patricia Says:
October 19th, 2008, 23:09 pm
I will be kind to myself today, and then I will let u know…,
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