Re-Centering: Finding Your Way Back To The Life You Meant To Live

Dave Fowler Says:

October 7th, 2008, 6:06 am

Eric, I find myself well motivated in setting goals, but the good intent slips by the wayside when other issues, like the twice yearly curves come along.

Where am I at? I’m making the changes right now. Thanks for this.

Dave

rodger Says:

October 7th, 2008, 6:10 am

Great post, hmm I think I need to ask myself this question, right on the cusp, new family (2 kids and a wife), new house, new shop, lots of work opportunity, Making more money than I ever have, but paying more out….(reinvesting my money into work/business), very little free time, working long, late nights though I love what I do. I think if I press on my family and I will benefit. I think since I am youngish .. almost 30, I’d be better off asking this question in 5 years or so… Though I believe that more money would rid marital stress, offer more free time etc… I also believe that we have to work hard as hell to get what we want (its not work for me because I love what I do). I wish I had an understanding wife that supported my(should be ours) goals dreams etc. . . This is where the real unhappiness comes from.

Nathan Says:

October 7th, 2008, 6:15 am

Good post, I recently wrote about the same subject with similar advice. I think its important to remember to be fluid and adaptive in our journey. Although goals help us define where we want to be, they aren’t always what we thought they would be when we get there.

Mikael Rieck Says:

October 7th, 2008, 6:47 am

I’m happy to say that I am still in the dreaming phase of my life and after reading your post I hope to be able to stay there longer.

One thing that I did think about when reading your post was that when you have so much free time on your hands it can be difficult not to increase your spending which would then eventually require for your to cut down on the free time to spend more time earning. So keeping the level of expenditures at a reasonable level is something that one needs to master.

Elizabeth Walker Says:

October 7th, 2008, 7:17 am

GREAT POST, Leo! Your writing continues to improve as time goes by. You are such an inspiration to me. Posts like this one help me think about where I am in life and where I want to go … and the process.

I also like the way you DROPPED THE NUMBERED LISTS … I like the new format of your post!

You’re doing wonderful blogging, Leo! Keep up the good work, buddy! We love your stuff, and we love you!

Ken Says:

October 7th, 2008, 7:49 am

Eric-

“Instead of a penny saved is a penny earned”, I much prefer Andrew Tobias’ quote that “a penny saved is 2 pennies earned”

The penny you earn will be taxed, the penny you save won’t be. The penny you save can be invested. A penny you earn and then spend stops earning for you immediately.

think Says:

October 7th, 2008, 7:51 am

Leo, thank you for hosting Eric

Eric, you’r observation “Life will throw you a curve at least twice a year” is true for most of the people. One should realize goal setting is not the total solution, preparation to unforeseen events is a must.

Very nice article.

Early Retirement Middle Way Says:

October 7th, 2008, 8:02 am

Great article! My experiences have taught me that original intentions, however honourable has over and over again brought me to a place where I need to decide just how much this matters? Even if by all standards, I have arrived at a “better”, “more successful” place, I frequently found that I no longer wish for it any longer. The journey getting there has always been a life lesson. I’m often proud of my stamina to stay the course but in the end, the same question–is what I’ve built representative of me?

Success Professor Says:

October 7th, 2008, 8:40 am

Eric,
Thanks for the great article. You provide some great tips about how important it is to return to being a dreamer. Dreaming is a continuous effort as our life continues to change, as we face those “curves” and continue to move forward to reach our goals.

For me, one of the most valuable reminders you give is about our tendency to keep up with the Jones’ and for our lifestyle to expand to our level of income. This is where the commitment to saving and getting out of debt can be important. There is no better time than today to work towards those two goals - saving for the future, and paying off debt today.

Kim Says:

October 7th, 2008, 9:04 am

Really nice article and timely since I’m in one of those every 6 months life throws you a curve ball moments right now and recalculating my goals.

Do all of us a favor and fix “making quadruple the money with quadruple the dept” to “debt” so that I don’t have to reread that sentence over and over to figure out your point.

Shame to mess up a good article like that. Thanks!

Parag Says:

October 7th, 2008, 9:28 am

Hi,

Great post. I agree that it is very important to stay centered on our original goals, lest we lose track of them. And it is extremely easy to lose track of them as pressures and desires mount from various directions.

I know very few people who started out with good goals and were able to stick to them despite trying times and then despite success.

I think one factor that may play a part in our goals going astray is “allowing other peoples expectations of what we should achieve, to lead us”. If we are always truly honest to ourselves, then we are more likely to stay course with the goals we originally set.

Confident Nerd Says:

October 7th, 2008, 9:36 am

Great read Eric.

Sometimes you have to take a step back in order to evaluate where you are and move forward. Our society is transforming into an Ipod nation as I like to call it, where everyone wants more and more toys.

It truly is about lifestyle and simplicity is where happiness lies.

Leo: Thanks for posting a previous article on wanting to help your readers with their blog. Eric was kind enough to redesign my blog free of charge as a way of giving back to the community.

Thanks :)

Mike King Says:

October 7th, 2008, 10:01 am

This just reinforces to me how important it is to regularly (every month or two) spot and take stock of our own lives and where we are at, instead of the usual onslaught of worries, money problems and urgent todo lists. If we plan to take actions on our dreams, no matter what else is in the way, we can much more easily stay on track to where we want to be, even if the track keeps changing direction a little!

Thanks for the great article!

Joe Says:

October 7th, 2008, 10:04 am

Leo, I Liked your numbered posts more. But still, this new style is also good.

1.Curves in life - thats great. Even if u dont have one in your life, create it. Make life interesting

2. Saving money. Don’t save the extra money at the month end. Instead spend the extra money u get after saving.

Great post.
More about fast forwarding life

http://www.converita.com/reg/123.html

3.

Shannon Says:

October 7th, 2008, 10:11 am

Good suff Leo. I too liked the numbered posts better, but I’ll keep reading your stuff no matter how you present it! :)

Your writing always helps me lots. Kudos to you.

Jeff Hall Says:

October 7th, 2008, 10:17 am

Thank you for this post, Eric.

It is great to be reminded how easily we get caught up in the pattern of our day-to-day activities, most of which are not adding value, meaning, satisfaction or depth to our lives. How important it is to step back and evaluate just where we are, as compared to the dreams and goals we originally set out to acheive. You reinforce the importance of having the courage to live our truth.

Tevarra Says:

October 7th, 2008, 10:40 am

Like the seasons, change is inevitable. Our level of awareness at the time will be our guide. Staying the course is a daily conscious effort. I am not yet halfway to the door. Thank you for sharing.

Tabitha (From Single to Married) Says:

October 7th, 2008, 11:07 am

wow - how true that is! A good reminder to make goals but to make them reasonable and not lose sight of the important things along the way. thanks!

Writer Dad Says:

October 7th, 2008, 11:13 am

Eric,
Great post and dead on. You have to expect the curve balls, and always be willing to recalibrate. Life can only be planned up to a certain point, especially once children are factored in.

Ian Says:

October 7th, 2008, 11:17 am

Wonderful article. Puts words to the feelings I’ve had and the re-centering I’ve done in my own life this year. Superb Eric!

Usman Says:

October 7th, 2008, 11:17 am

Eric - your post was like a breath of fresh air for me. I seriously needed that as I needed a motivational push. Cheers

Daniel Richard Says:

October 7th, 2008, 12:15 pm

Heya Eric!

Woo it’s way cool to see you here too man. :)

I’m now getting a look back at my finances. It’s gonna stop right after November, so I sure need to see if I have enough to tide through a couple of months ahead.

Hear from ya guys again Leo and Eric!

Daniel

Your Friendly Neighborhood Computer Guy Says:

October 7th, 2008, 12:38 pm

Great to see you here Eric! One of your best articles!

I always use the time around New Years to sit down and evaluate my path over the last year. See what I’ve done well and see what I lost site of. Resetting your expectations is just as anything else. Sometimes the goals you saw as worthwhile in the past are not so important to you in the present.

And what a complement to have fooled a good majority of the commenters above into thinking this was one of Leo’s posts! =-)

Jonathon Says:

October 7th, 2008, 16:05 pm

One of your best articles so far, Leo! Wonderful subject and wonderful writing. You rock, Leo!

wilma Says:

October 7th, 2008, 16:16 pm

Eric, what you say is spot on.

This thinking will certainly prevent the sky falling in at the rate it is doing now for a lot of people.
Staying centered is the best thing you can do for yourself and the world around you.

Great to see you posting here.

Vered - MomGrind Says:

October 7th, 2008, 17:12 pm

Well said, Eric.

Living well within your means has never been more important than it is now with the current financial uncertainty.

creativelyselfemployedcom Says:

October 7th, 2008, 17:34 pm

Great insight. It’s always important to re-evaluate your goals as you go!

B. Wilde Says:

October 7th, 2008, 18:35 pm

Unfortunately, it took some gut-wrenching years to teach me what was of most importance. Like you, I knew what I really wanted deep down, but my actions were to the contrary. Awareness trulely is one of the greatest blessings. Once aware, we can finally do something. I love this statement of yours: It is only when you are blind to your misdirection that you should be worried.” Mind if I quote you on my site and credit it to your name?

Your walking around the park 5 years ago shows what a reflective person you’ve been for quite some time. You’ve had it in you to put your writing out there for others for a long time. I’m starting to get a better idea of why so many follow you.

Sampson - BodyLove Says:

October 7th, 2008, 18:36 pm

You’re right on, Leo. Very good post, my man. Very good.

Kelly Thomase Says:

October 7th, 2008, 18:42 pm

Teriffic post. I am continually impressed with your writing skill, Leo. Keep up the good work.

Eric Hamm Says:

October 7th, 2008, 20:02 pm

Hey guys, I’m so glad you enjoyed my post and seem to have connected with it. Leo was thoughtful enough to share his readers with me and I am very thankful for this opportunity.

Many of you are under the impression that this was written by Leo and I just wanted to clear this up. If you want to catch Leo’s post for today, you can find it at “Motivate Thyself”, as he was also gracious enough to share a guest post with my readers.

I’m really excited to hear about how you guys are ‘finding your way back’ to your original intentions in life. Keep ‘em coming! Eric.

Jessica Says:

October 7th, 2008, 21:53 pm

It is soo easy to get caught up chasing a lifestyle that you think you are supposed to have, living the paycheck lifestyle rather than the one you initially intended for yourself.

The thing that I have learnt through experience is that you constantly need to keep moving the goal posts and re-setting your goals. Otherwise when you hit your goals and have some success you dont know what to do with yourself next or where to go because you failed to set new goals or shift out your original ones.

Thanks for the article, you have also reminded me that I want to get back to playing the saxophone. Something I have let slide over the years. Thanks, Jessica

Eric Hamm Says:

October 8th, 2008, 0:17 am

@Dave: “Where am I at? I’m making the changes right now.”

That’s exciting to hear. I hope the best for you!

@Roger: “I also believe that we have to work hard as hell to get what we want…”

This is unfortunately the case for most people. It often comes down to the cost/benefit equation that is all too hard to decipher.

@Mikael: “when you have so much free time on your hands it can be difficult not to increase your spending which would then eventually require for your to cut down on the free time to spend more time earning. So keeping the level of expenditures at a reasonable level is something that one needs to master.”

This is a great point!

@Ken: I like the way you put this. It adds to the idea of seeing all the dimensions involved.

@think: I think many people are now seeing this (or should I say ‘feeling this’) right now and there’s no better time than the present to change our habits for the next cycle of ups and downs. Glad you enjoyed the post.

@Early Retirement Middle Way: “The journey getting there has always been a life lesson.”

Well said.

@Success Prfessor: Making choices based on our comparisons to others is never a good idea.
You’re right to press the issue of paying off debt. Debt is nothing but another burden to carry.

@Parag: Expectations can be a powerful thing. I know I certainly struggle to not be controlled by their constant pull.

@Atiff: Gaining perspective is certainly a constant need in our lives as well as our society.

@Mike: “This just reinforces to me how important it is to regularly (every month or two) spot and take stock of our own lives and where we are at, instead of the usual onslaught of worries, money problems and urgent todo lists.”

I’ve only recently started doing this and you’re right to point out the great need for it.

@Jeff: “It is great to be reminded how easily we get caught up in the pattern of our day-to-day activities, most of which are not adding value, meaning, satisfaction or depth to our lives.”

Wow, you really nailed that one. I really like how you point out the fact that our daily routines can often times become meaningless if we’re not careful.

@Tevarra: “I am not yet halfway to the door.”

Me neither. :-)

@Tabitha: Glad you connected with the content.

@Sean: “Life can only be planned up to a certain point, especially once children are factored in.”

My wife and I are working on the kids thing. Scary but very exciting!

@Ian: Glad to hear it. Sounds like you’re headed in the right direction.

@Usman: Glad I could help out!

@Daniel: I hope the best for your financial situation. It sounds like you’re preparing for the future. That’s a good thing.

@Matt: “Sometimes the goals you saw as worthwhile in the past are not so important to you in the present.”

Well said!

@wilma: “This thinking will certainly prevent the sky falling in at the rate it is doing now for a lot of people.”

I know, it’s scary isn’t it? Much of it is ‘perspective driven’.

@Vered: “Living well within your means has never been more important than it is now with the current financial uncertainty.”

My hope is that when we come out of this ‘financial crisis’ we will have truly learned something and not just go back to our foolish ways.

@Jessica: “…you have also reminded me that I want to get back to playing the saxophone. Something I have let slide over the years.”

I think we all have probably dropped some of the things that brought us simple pleasures. We should all look back on our lives and see what joys we may have left behind.

Stephen - Balanced Existence Says:

October 8th, 2008, 0:43 am

I’ve found it is very important to get out and away from what has become my habitual environment, behaviors and even people I have been around a lot recently. I like to get out into nature where no one else is. I’ve found it really clears my head and provides some good perspective on what I’m doing and where I’m going. It’s like the more intelligent me looks back on what I’ve been doing and thinking and shows me what has really been going on.

I wrote an article on my blog about one particular outing I had recently when I went up into the mountains a couple of hours from where I live.

It’s very easy to pass years dreaming and then suddenly be jolted awake to wonder where all the time and opportunites have gone.

Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills Says:

October 8th, 2008, 1:12 am

When I was younger my goals had to do with what I wanted to accomplish in the way of income, home, location and things like that. Along the way my priorities changed. I learned to focus more on the person I wanted to become. When we seek personal growth on the inside, the rest tends to work itself out in astounding and delightful ways. Our world will always reflect who we are if we keep the important stuff in first place.

Eugene (Editor, Varsity Blah) Says:

October 8th, 2008, 1:29 am

Confucius wrote, “It is better to err on the side of frugality than on the side of extravagance.” I’d have to agree. Frugality is cool. Now I’m not referring to angrily hording money for fear of losing it. I’m referring to embracing simplicity and freeing our lives of unnecessary clutter.

Nowadays, many of us buy all sorts of “toys” not because we’re actually interested in the product, but because we hope doing so will fill a void. I’m guessing that feeling doesn’t last long. How could it? At the end of the day, you can accumulate as much stuff as your garage (or closet) can accommodate and it probably won’t change a thing. It really doesn’t matter. The colors will fade and the technology will change. All that will remain is you. That’s something worth buying into.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with splurging. We simply need to realize that money and the things it buys are simply tools to help us live more enjoyable lives. For example, buying a plasma TV to brag to your friends probably isn’t a great idea, but doing so to have them over for fun movie nights does. It’s about investing in the experience and realizing that products don’t define us. It’s like Geoffrey Chaucer wrote in The Canterbury Tales: “He who covets is a poor man, because he wants what he cannot get; but he who has nothing and covets nothing is rich, though you may think him no more than a peasant.”

J.D. Meier Says:

October 8th, 2008, 4:05 am

Life throws lots of curve balls. I’ve learned to keep lots of buffer in my life and it helps. It’s always easy to fill up the buffer, even last minute; it’s not always easy to respond if you’re camel is always carrying too many straws.

Basho Says:

October 8th, 2008, 4:31 am

A great post, realisation that my 2D goals were not making me happy made my wife and I simply take a year off and go travelling. We are using this time to find ourselves again.

Also, the nature of goal setting means that as you achieve one, you need to set another. I tend to live by the maxim that life is what happens to you as you make other plans.

kekilia Says:

October 8th, 2008, 6:40 am

Everything I needed to be reminded of this morning: “Start living your life as you once intended and you will soon find your way back, once again moving in a positive direction.” I don’t have to wait for my life to be perfect to go back on track.

Thanks Eric and Leo! Keep up the wonderful work!

Peter James Says:

October 8th, 2008, 8:43 am

As always, great writing Eric.

I went through a similar experience. I realized I was chasing the ‘2D’ goal of financial security, and not the ‘3d’ goal of a fufilling life doing what i Love.

It’s been a great change ever since. Nice post.

Zen Guru Says:

October 8th, 2008, 12:07 pm

This is really one of the best article I came across. Readers, Stop and ask yourself “What the hell am I doin?”… The truth is, most of the people get struck in their “daily compartments” and fail to see the bigger picture, the picture of life. In your grave, money doesn’t matter, the big house doesn’t matter, even your reputation doesn’t matter. What really matters is whether you lived your life happily ( It’s the god’s gift. You can never get it back. You can never goto high school again. You can never give your first kiss again. once done, ” it’s over” ) So… Wake up. wake up to the call of life

If zenhabits really moved you. just give this blog a visit.

http://zen-guru.blogspot.com/

Alex Scott Says:

October 8th, 2008, 13:10 pm

Great reminder that more money does not necessarily equal more contentment or happiness. It’s so easy to get caught up in the “American Dream” and lose sight of the bigger picture. Thanks for the reminder!

Melissa Says:

October 8th, 2008, 14:25 pm

This article is so full of truths. We all have to be aware that the current of life can pull of off track without us even noticing. It’s like floating on a raft in a lake. You think you’re just bobbing about peacefully and then you look up and you are so far from your house you can hardly see it! We need to make course corrections along the way.

I love the points you made about living within your means. We try very hard to do that so that we can have time for each other and our daughter. We could commute into NYC and make double what we make in NJ, but we’d never see each other, so what’s the point?

Kevin Wright Says:

October 8th, 2008, 15:20 pm

Sometimes we can’t see the forrest for the trees. It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day grind and not have or stick to a plan. Good stuff Eric!

Eric Hamm Says:

October 8th, 2008, 15:53 pm

@Stephen: Your’re right. Habits can be great and essential for some aspects of life, but if we allow them, they can keep us from having a clear, open view of the things around us.

@Jonathan: “Our world will always reflect who we are if we keep the important stuff in first place.”

I like this! A very simple, clear cut way of putting it.

@Eugene: “Nowadays, many of us buy all sorts of “toys” not because we’re actually interested in the product, but because we hope doing so will fill a void. I’m guessing that feeling doesn’t last long.”

I’m always amazed at how few things I own get used on a regular basis. Heck, most of what I have has served it’s purpose (if it ever really had any) and is now sitting on a shelf or drawer somewhere collecting dust.

You always have great quotes, by the way.

@J.D. Meier: “I’ve learned to keep lots of buffer in my life and it helps.”

Most of us, including myself, tend to live as if our most successful times will be the norm. I know with my business it’s easy to get in a busy time, making tons of money and think it will be this way for now on. Little do I know, that ‘tons of money’ turns out to be ‘just enough’ to get you through the hard times, if used wisely.

So buffers are definitely crucial! Thanks for adding that point.

@Basho: “…made my wife and I simply take a year off and go traveling.”

That would be nice. Where did you all go? Did you stay in a few locations most of the time or was it constantly changing?

@kekilia: I’m glad the message was so timely.

“I don’t have to wait for my life to be perfect to go back on track. ”

You’re right about that! The best time is the present.

@Peter: I’m glad you enjoyed the post. It sounds like it was just a reassurance that you’re headed in the right direction. Good for you!

@Zen Guru: Very well said!

Another thing to add to those things that hold worth at the end of your days; positive impact on other people’s lives. If you are a happy camper, but never did anything to help others, I think you will be lacking.

But you could flip that around and say that helping others is essential to happiness and therefore a given. Just me thinking out loud. :-)

@Alex: I’m glad I could help you stay focused on those things of greatest importance.

@Melissa: “It’s like floating on a raft in a lake. You think you’re just bobbing about peacefully and then you look up and you are so far from your house you can hardly see it!”

What a great analogy! Thanks for sharing this. :-)

@Kevin: Great point! Our daily grind is essential, but needs kept in check or we’ll miss the point of our efforts.

BloggerNewbie Says:

October 8th, 2008, 15:59 pm

Maybe that’s why are parents were always hollering “watch where you are walking!” I like the thought of remembering the time trade off for the material purchase…how long or hard are you going to have to work to pay that off!

Maya Says:

October 8th, 2008, 19:28 pm

I totally agree with how we tend to get lost in the hustle and bustle of life. I really like the title of your post - “recentering” by itself carries so much of the message!

nick Says:

October 9th, 2008, 9:26 am

Great article. I lost my way for a while and have just corrected course. It entitled quitting my job and moving to a tropical island. I have never been happier.

Ellsea Says:

October 9th, 2008, 18:03 pm

Wow! There’s a weird kind of serendipity to blog reading - I always seem to end up where I need to be. Today I’ve needed to realise that I’m scattering myself across too many different projects, losing myself in procrastination . . . thanks for this great post, reminding me that I need to keep focus on what I really, really want.

Hot Alpha Female Says:

October 10th, 2008, 0:12 am

That’s a very interesting comment that you make there. The one thing that really struck out to me was when you were explaining how you met your goals and you were not happy.

This is the one thing that i have learnt out of life so far. Which I’m very grateful for since I’m only 21.

What i have realized is that you are only truly happy when you are in pursuit of a goal.

Its the journey that counts and not the destination.

I think dissatisfaction comes when we reach our goals and think to ourselves….

Is that all there is???

N the only way in which you can overcome this is one of 2 ways.

The first is to the truly grateful for everything that you have. No matter where or who you are today there are always things in our life that are gifts from god/universe.

Secondly you have to set yourself another goal immediately.

Set another place that you want to be in 5 years.

Because there is only so much that you can really celebrate and then …. you get bored … and you find that you have no direction ….

Having a goal gives us purpose.

Purpose is what helps create a life of fulfillment.

Thank you for this post.

Hot Alpha Female

http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com

Basho Says:

October 10th, 2008, 4:19 am

@ Eric

We still are! We left three months ago and I am currently on the Milford Sounds in New Zealand writing this in a campervan!

Our adventures are blogged here: http://www.outsidecontext.com

Eric Hamm Says:

October 10th, 2008, 12:43 pm

@BloggerNewbie: “I like the thought of remembering the time trade off for the material purchase…how long or hard are you going to have to work to pay that off!”

This is a question we all have to ask ourselves. I know that most, including myself, have changes to be made in this area.

@Maya: “…we tend to get lost in the hustle and bustle of life.”

It’s so easy to do. There’s no doubt about that.

@Nick: “It entitled quitting my job and moving to a tropical island. I have never been happier.”

Where do I sign up?! :-) Good for you!

@Ellsea: “Wow! There’s a weird kind of serendipity to blog reading - I always seem to end up where I need to be.”

I’m glad my post was at the right place at the right time. Thanks for sharing your positive experience.

@Hot Alpha Female: I definitely agree that without goal/drive we will have a much harder time finding purpose in life. I think if your values are sound, this will happen automatically. Great points!

@Basho: “We still are! We left three months ago and I am currently on the Milford Sounds in New Zealand writing this in a campervan!”

That’s SO awesome! I feel adventurous just reading this. :-) I can’t wait to check out your blog!

Richard X. Thripp Says:

October 10th, 2008, 19:01 pm

I think it’s important to realize that a big house or a new car doesn’t matter; you just need a place to live and a car that works. Then, you can do anything.

Most people get stuck in these 40-year mortgages and never pay off their houses though… that’s not bad in itself, but it forces them to stay in awful jobs. There’s a lot of freedom in not having crushing debt over your head.

Happiness comes not from possessions or friends, but from the constant improvement of yourself. Then, friends are the icing on the cake, and possessions are little sprinkles. They don’t really matter much.